Dare To Forget Me
by noblecrescent
Summary: Detective Montserrat Novak originally planned to transfer to SVU but mysteriously withdrew her papers. Nine months later, Olivia pulls her profile when Montserrat becomes a material witness to a case. From there, Montserrat can't really get away from SVU. Now she finds herself dealing with a Detectives & an ADA whom she seems to have a talent at pulling all his right strings.
1. A Runaway

**Author's Note:** _I had to turn this character of mine into a full story-wise character with our SVU squad and our ADA Barba. This story will follow canon cases as well as arcs of my own creations. Also, due to the nature of the series' themes, I am giving the story the rating of 'mature'._

 _P.S: I picture the OC Montserrat to look like the actress Ellie Kemper with ginger hair an dark brown eyes._

* * *

Sirens blared in a cold New York street. Flashes of light from firefighters, ambulances and police cars joined together in the street, lighting the buildings on both sides of the street. Most of them were business buildings but the few that were apartments had their windows opened to see below.

Unfortunately, there was a victim being brought into an ambulance. The girl was unconscious but it wasn't too surprising due to the state she was in. Someone hurt her with passion.

"Ma'am? Just wait here, a paramedic will be with you shortly," a cop was telling a second woman, a ginger, on the scene. Said woman was holding a towel around her palm to slow down the blood of a cut. Her dark brown eyes flickered from the cops to the ambulances, scared of what would come next. She knew the process all too well but the moment wasn't the right one.

As soon as the cop turned her attention away, the ginger made a getaway. Due to the gravity of the situation, it was easy slipping away from the scene. The cops hadn't finished taping off the crime scene and by the time someone figured out she was missing, she was already in a cab.

~0~

Sergeant Olivia Benson and Detective Amanda Rollins reported to the crime scene only twenty minutes after the arrival of the others. By that time, the victim had already been taken to Bellevue hospital. Once the Sergeant got word of what happened in a brief minute, she went off on the attentive cop in question.

"You're telling me we had a witness who saw everything and you _lost_ her?" Olivia Benson had been at the job for about fourteen years and yet somehow she was still stunned sometimes by the mistakes she saw in her line of work.

The cop stammered while he made an excuse for his lack of attention but Olivia knew it was pointless to even argue it. The mistake was done.

"You know what, just tell us you got a name from her."

"I didn't," the cop hated his situation at the moment. "It was a rush and -and it's my first night on the field."

"What did she look like?" Amanda tried another way to get some valuable information. The cop looked too green to hassle for the mistake.

"Uh, dark orange hair…" the cop thought hard for a moment, "Dark brown eyes. Baggy clothes. She was wearing a baggy green jacket. Um...she had a purse but she took that I guess. And she had wound on her palm." The last detail pulled both women's attention. The cop realized he should have started with that. "I-I guess the perp must have cut her or something. We gave her a cloth in the meantime."

"Great, and you still let her get away," Olivia mumbled to herself after jotting down the description. "Thanks."

As she and Amanda walked off, the blonde detective thought about something. "If she had a cut - a stab wound…"

"Then she had to have gone to a hospital," Olivia said for she had thought the same thing too.

While their victim underwent her treatment - remaining unconscious for the entire duration - the detectives and Sergeant put all their focus on getting as much evidence as they could from the scene. A decent amount of that time was also put into finding the missing witness who turned out to be the only witness.

"Our victim-" Detective Nick Amaro was pinning a photograph of their rape victim on their pinboard, "-Hayley Connors, is still under but we do have the obvious evidence of a violent attack. CSU found blood at the scene but so far it only matches that of Hayley's."

"Yeah, but it corroborates with the story of the knife used to cut our missing witness," Detective Fin Tutuola, or Fin, reminded them. "But let me guess, knife hasn't been recovered yet?"

Detective Sonny Carisi's languid hand gesture was enough to answer. "If only it were that easy, huh?"

"You should know that by now," Detective Munch added on with the same sarcasm.

Amanda scoffed from her seat at the table. Her attention was on her computer screen where a footage of a hospital ER room was streaming. "I may have a view on the witness, though.

"Hey, Liv?" Fin called their temporary Sergeant from her office. "Amanda may have the witness!"

Olivia came in a hurry to see the footage along with the others. Amanda replayed the specific time where a ginger in a green, baggy coat arrived at an ER reception desk. She was still holding the cloth the cop mentioned she'd been given at the scene.

"Definitely her," Amanda concluded once she checked over the description they had of the woman.

"She looks familiar," Olivia's admission came as a surprise to the detectives. She met their curious gazes with confused expression. "I don't know who she is but...the face…"

The footage didn't exactly show the woman all too well but it was enough to get the case moving. Still getting that brief familiar vibe, Olivia decided to go to the hospital herself, along with Nick, to see what they could figure out about the woman.

~ 0 ~

"Yes, I remember her," a nurse at the ER reception of the Lenox Hill Hospital nodded her head after Nick showed her the photograph of the ginger woman. "Poor thing came with a slashed palm."

"Great, did you get her name? Her address?"

The nurse gave a kind smile and shook her head. "Sorry Detectives, I'm not at liberty to give you that information."

"It's Sergeant, first of all," Olivia set her hands on her hips and sternly looked at the woman, "And second of all, this woman is a material witness for our rape case. Besides, she was hurt too and odds are it was by the same perp so she needs to speak with us."

The nurse looked around the room, clearly in a conflict. "I can't give you the address because she didn't put one down."

Nick and Olivia exchanged glances with each other. This mysterious woman was turning out to be more of a hassle than previously thought.

"She didn't put one down?" Olivia repeated. "And you didn't notice that?"

"We were a little more preoccupied with her state," the nurse said, about to elaborate when Nick cut in.

"Give us her name then. Now, please."

The nurse sighed but ultimately obliged. "She wrote down Montserrat Novak on the paperwork."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "That was her name?" the nurse nodded her head, definitely looking sure of it. Behind her, both Nick and Amanda exchanged knowing glances. "Did she say anything else? Where she was coming from?"

"No, she was just here for the slash," the nurse replied.

"Okay…" Olivia gave her thank you and turned away, but even her walking pace had picked up in an unusual stride.

"Hey, Liv, you think what we're thinking?" Nick had to ask as they exited the building.

"I knew she looked familiar," Olivia said, though neither Nick nor Amanda wasn't sure if it had been the answer to his question or if she'd just been talking to herself.

~ 0 ~

"Detective Montserrat Novak from the Homicide division in Queens," Olivia pulled up the photograph of the familiar ginger woman for the rest of the squad to see. "She also happens to be a cousin of one of our previous ADAs: Casey Novak."

"Who's now Manhattan's Homicide ADA," Fin nodded.

" _She_ was our witness?" Sonny raised an eyebrow. The mysterious detective seemed too put together to be such a mess for a witness.

"Yeah," Olivia took a seat at the edge of the table, arms crossed.

"And you know her how…?" Nick asked the winning question everyone was thinking about.

"I don't know her," Olivia clarified first. "I knew _of_ her."

"Casey never mentioned she had a family member on the job," Munch leaned back against his chair, eyes examining the photo of Detective Novak. "They don't look alike."

"If you guys haven't met then...what?" Amanda shrugged. "Did Casey talk about her or something?"

"Almost nine months ago, Montserrat-" Olivia pointed at the screen, "-was set to be my replacement at SVU after I took the Sergeant's test."

"My partner?" Nick immediately took interest at that moment. Olivia gave another nod.

"Clearly she didn't make it or else I wouldn't be here," Sonny smirked. His transfer papers were put in faster after the spot before him opened up. Now he knew why.

"What a shame," Fin's joke was met a playful roll of eyes from the new detective.

"So where is she, then?" Munch asked. "Back at Homicide?"

"I have no idea," Olivia got up from the table, unfolding her arms to gently graze her fingers over the table. "She had all the paperwork to transfer - she looked like the right candidate - but then she just retracted. There was never an explanation."

"Should we start making calls to Homicide?" Amanda wondered as she closed her laptop.

"Why bother when we can go straight to the family. Let's just ask Casey," Finn wondered what the ADA would have to say about this once they informed her.

"At this point, it might just be easier," Munch agreed on the tactic.

"It is," Olivia nodded and started heading out.

"Wait a minute," Sonny called to the woman, only stopping her for a second, "Shouldn't we call Barba then first?"

"Why? I'll get him there anyways," Olivia shrugged and continued on out.

"A Sergeant and a fellow ADA to deal with?" Finn turned to his co-workers, unable to keep his smile from showing. "I'd like to see what poor Casey does."

~ 0 ~

Olivia was set to find Casey and have a civilized conversation about the situation. She honestly didn't think they'd need to subpoena Montserrat, but if things got to that point then she wouldn't hesitate.

This was exactly what her conversation with SVU's ADA, Rafael Barba, sounded like. He was surprised to find their missing witness was related to a fellow co-worker.

"I think Casey will understand our situation and she'll get us in contact with Montserrat," Olivia said for the third time since she got to Rafael's office.

"It sounds like your assuring _yourself_ ," he noticed.

She stopped pacing in front of his desk to momentarily look at him. "I worked with Casey for years. She was our longest ADA so she knows exactly what our situation looks like."

"Right," Rafael agreed on that matter, but he then added, "However, I doubt any of her cases had her own family as a witness. If this Montserrat purposely ran from the scene it doesn't exactly give good credibility."

"We don't know what happened nor why she did," Olivia pointed him to stop. "But she's a Detective - and she wanted to transfer to SVU - so she should be willing to help."

"Exactly, she _should_ be willing to help us. But she ran off," Rafael didn't think he needed to explain more than that. "Exactly what kind of Detective does that?"

"You start asking those questions, we lose the case even before we step into the courtroom," Olivia warned. She checked her phone for the time and saw it was past noon. "Casey's lunch hour ended, right?"

"Yeah," Rafael got up from his chair and levelled a look with the woman. "I have to warn you Olivia, Casey might just protect her cousin."

"I know Casey and she wouldn't. You know Casey and you know she wouldn't," Olivia started heading for the office doors. "Plus, if we tell her that her cousin is our only witness in this case, she'll be more than willing to help us."

"She better because as of now, Detective Novak would be the only one who could tell us what happened," Rafael bitterly said as he followed Olivia. It irked him this runaway Detective was the only person who could make or break his case. "Hayley doesn't remember-"

"-yeah, because she was _drugged_ ," Olivia reminded him.

"True and I'll be sure to mention that in court. But the point still stands that she can't talk much about the rape if she doesn't remember."

"I know," Olivia sighed, about to retort when they both heard an ongoing argument from the hallway.

"...you know the deal…"

"Of course I do, Casey! I have to appear but - would you stop walking so fast!?"

"I have a meeting with a Detective-"

"-listen to me Casey!"

"Could it be _that_ easy?" Rafael whispered to Olivia as the two continued to listen.

"Let's find out," Olivia stepped out into the hallway. As soon as they did, they spotted the familiar figure of Homicide ADA Casey Novak striding down the hall with a smaller ginger haired woman following behind her.

"I know it was wrong but I was scared!" the ginger woman was still shouting despite the attention she was getting from other people passing by. "I'm not at my best!"

"You know exactly what you need to do, Montse. They're good people-"

"-but it doesn't change my situation!"

Casey whirled around and met the woman's gaze. "You know what you need to do. And if you don't, I'll bring you in myself." She left the woman with that and headed into her office.

Olivia was not going to give the woman a chance to flee again. "Scuse me?" she started for the woman in a hasty pace. "Detective Montserrat Novak? I'm Sergeant Olivia Benson and I need to…" but Olivia trailed off when Montserrat slowly turned around.

There was one detail no one had bothered to give the SVU squad.

Montserrat Novak was pregnant.


	2. Novak, Witness

"Right this way," Olivia helped Montserrat into Rafael's office. Rafael reached the desk first and pulled out a chair for Montserrat.

"Thank you," she said to both of them. It was a struggle to sit without having to basically drop herself down, but almost nine months into a pregnancy made every daily activity a challenge. Her dark brown eyes flickered between the ADA and the Sergeant while an awkward silence fell over the room.

The two had obviously been expecting a fierce detective willing to literally run away from them out in the hallway. Instead, they had a pregnant detective who would eventually need help getting up from her chair.

Montserrat Novak was an average height woman with fair skin. She had dark ginger hair that was wavy with straight bangs covering her forehead. "Casey mentioned your name," Montserrat said to Olivia. "She said I would have to talk to you…"

"Yes, um…" Olivia briefly glanced at Rafael, both lost on how to even begin with the woman. "I have to be honest, we are a little perplexed about this situation..."

"Because...I'm pregnant? Or because I fled from a crime scene?" Montserrat's humor relieved some of the awkwardness in the room.

Rafael smiled as he took his own seat across her. "Both."

She smiled back. "I don't run from crime scenes. I'm a Detective, but...this time it's different."

"Right, we can understand that," Olivia pulled up the chair next to Montserrat. "We've been looking for you, Montserrat."

"I'm sorry," Montserrat tucked some hair behind her ear. "I...I panicked. You understand that I'm not at my best state right now. I do more waddle than walk or... anything else at this point."

"Why did you leave?" Rafael asked the hard question she knew she'd have to face sooner or later. "We have paramedics claiming you were slashed with with a knife..."

Montserrat raised the hand that was indeed bandaged. "I took care of myself. And I just wasn't supposed to be on the street at that time. I'm..."

Both Olivia and Rafael gave her a minute for her to continue, but it seemed like Montserrat was having trouble.

"Miss Novak, we really need you to talk," Rafael's voice seemed to startle her out of her thoughts.

"I'm-I'm a...surrogate mother," she swallowed hard and looked at the two who were surprised (yet again). "We made a contract - the couple and me - and one of the rules was I needed to be home by nine."

"The attack happened at ten," Olivia recalled, slowly beginning to understand where Montserrat was getting at. "You broke one of the rules of the contract."

"It's for the baby's protection," Montserrat shrugged in her seat. "The couple are two of my friends and they just want to make sure I'm safe and...me being on the street at that time was _unsafe._ "

"You being at that street helped that woman stay alive," Olivia thought that would ease Montserrat's guilt.

"How is she?" Montserrat hadn't been able to sleep last night thinking about the poor victim she'd left to the paramedics.

"She made it. She'll heal."

"Physically, but emotionally?"

Olivia made a sway of her head. That was always a tough question. "Listen, Montserrat, we need you to give your statement for this case. You're the only witness in the scene. Do you think you can do that?"

Montserrat nodded her head. "Of course. I'm a Detective, I know how things go."

" _Really_?" it was clear Rafael was referencing her fleeing the crime scene.

Montserrat accepted the jab with all her faults. She earned it after her unprofessional act. "I'm not going anywhere now. I _am_ sorry."

"The important thing is you came back," Olivia got up from her chair. "Why don't we go to my office back at SVU and you can tell us what happened? Is that okay?"

Montserrat nodded her head. "Yes, um, yes…"

"You're going to be fine," Olivia promised her. She could see Montserrat's bandaged hand from the attack but other than that the woman herself seemed to be just fine.

"And please don't flee anymore. It would make our job just a tiny bit easier," Rafael's sarcastic request made Olivia silently scold him but Montserrat chuckled.

"These days I don't do a lot of running. Last night was just adrenaline and inattentive cops. I try to run now, you'd catch me in three steps."

"Two."

Montserrat opened her mouth but ended up laughing again. "I'm not _that_ slow, though."

Olivia still shook her head at the ADA but thanked God Montserrat had a sense of humor.

~0~

Montserrat thought it was her walk of shame when Olivia brought her into SVU's bullpen. Employees looked up from their work and others stopped their conversations just for a moment to get a look at her. Olivia led her down the room but, to Montserrat's misfortune, she stopped by a couple desks.

"Hey, you found her," Fin was still laughing inside from the idea of what Casey Novak had to have faced for this woman to be here now.

All Montserrat could offer was a smile. The group of detectives were first and foremost taken aback by Montserrat's pregnancy. It was a detail no one disclosed about after all.

"This is Detective Montserrat Novak," Olivia introduced the woman despite it being unnecessary. They all knew who she was. "These are Detectives Tutuola, Munch, Rollins, Amaro and Carisi."

"I heard you were looking for me. I'm sorry for the trouble I caused," Montserrat sighed. She felt like a broken record apologizing to everyone but they did deserve one.

"We're just glad you're here," Amanda honestly said. "If you need anything…"

"A chair, actually," Montserrat sheepishly looked at Olivia. She had a hand on her back and was gently rubbing circles to sooth the back pain.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Olivia, in an embarrassed state, led Montserrat towards the interview room where she figured Montserrat would be more comfortable on the couch. Montserrat bid goodbye to the detectives as she followed Olivia. "I'm sorry about that," Olivia honestly apologized.

"Don't worry about it," Montserrat took a seat - fell towards the end - on the couch. "I'm a nuisance for everyone in this state."

Olivia smiled. "Not here. Can I get you anything before we start?"

"No thank you, I'm fine."

"Okay," Olivia gathered a legal pad and a pen to jot down whatever Montserrat was going to say. She just hoped it would be useful to nail the perp completely.

"Before I start, I want you to know that the reason I retracted my transfer application was because of me," Montserrat surprised Olivia with the sudden topic. "I really wanted to be here but, um...this happened…" she gestured to her pregnant stomach, making Olivia momentarily question the manner in which Montserrat had said it. It almost sounded as if Montserrat was regretful or...resentful.

"That's fine, it really is, but if anything you would have just been on desk duty," Olivia slowly said, still studying Montserrat's demeanor of the moment.

"Mhm," Montserrat stared at her hands over her stomach. There was something not right about this but Olivia decided to focus on the current case before she dug into anything else.

"So, um, is it alright if we start?"

"Yes, of course. Um, let's see," Montserrat took in a breath while she gathered memory of the previous night. "I was coming home from, um...somewhere, and it was pretty late - well, it ten o' clock. Maybe it's not that late in reality but my contract said I have to be home before dark so…" Montserrat shook her head, "Sorry. Um, I was walking down the street when I heard noises. It was a woman - she was screaming. There was a man pushing her against a wall. It was clear he was trying to attack her. He smacked her head, there was something shiny pointed at her face. She cried for him to stop but he was so aggressive…"

"Do you remember what the woman was wearing?" Olivia asked after finishing up a note. "We need to make sure we're talking about the same victim."

"I know," Montserrat nodded, not needing to remind Olivia the process wasn't new for her. "It was dark so I couldn't see a lot but she was wearing a shiny dress. It sparkled a lot. The man, he was wearing a jacket um...a beanie. He looked young, to be honest. He was lanky too."

"You got a good look at him," Olivia briefly looked at Montserrat's bandaged hand.

"Yeah, when he attacked me," Montserrat confirmed. "I wasn't carrying my gun so I was at a disadvantage apart from the pregnancy. But I couldn't walk away. The woman was screaming for him to get off her, to stop it, but the bastard didn't listen. I…" she suddenly chuckled a bitter chuckle, "It was ridiculous but...I threw rocks at him that I found over a car's hood. It was all I could do."

"It's not ridiculous," Olivia reassured her. "You probably saved her with that."

"Yeah because he turned on me with a knife afterwards," Montserrat sighed. "I got scared when he started coming for me. He said just because I had a big stomach it didn't mean he couldn't do the same to me. If there was ever a time I wish I was on the job, it was then. He came at me and I tried fighting him off - which is how I got this-" she raised her injured hand, "-and then I managed to punch him. He dropped the knife and...I guess he got scared when he heard sirens so...he ran."

"One of the neighbors made the call to police," Olivia informed her. "We haven't been able to get any pictures from him since our victim hasn't woken up yet. Do you think you would you recognize him if you saw him again?"

"Oh yeah. I could talk to a sketch artist if you want."

"That would be really helpful," Olivia smiled softly at her. "Is there anything else you remember? Anything you want to add to your statement?"

Montserrat thought about the horrendous night for another minute. "Actually, yes. I believe the man called the victim by a name."

"Her name?"

"It sounded more like a nickname. He said ' _c'mon, Hales, you know you like me_ ' while he attacked her," Montserrat was sure of it and it showed. "He had to be someone that girl knew and probably rejected at some point."

Olivia agreed. They at least now had another alternative to search for their suspect. "Thank you Montserrat. Now, I have to ask, are you willing to testify if this goes to trial? Which it most likely will."

"Yes, of course I would," Montserrat nodded. "You just give me a time and date."

Olivia lightly smiled at the woman. "Thank you."

Montserrat attempted to get up on her own but the couch seemed to suck her back in. Olivia tried her hardest not to laugh, even quietly, but Montserrat side glanced her. "It's funny, I know. Everyone laughs. Look at Montse, she can't even stand up or sit down anymore."

Olivia put down her note and pen to help her get up. "Would that be Casey by any chance?"

"Mm, I don't think I should speak ill about an ADA who happens to be my cousin."

Olivia laughed. "Alright."

"Again, I'm really sorry for not staying last night. From now on, anything you need for this case I'll be here."

"And we thank you for it," Olivia said as she walked Montserrat out of the room. "I know our victim will too."

"Where can I leave my contact information? I moved so whatever you had on file isn't up to date anymore."

"Uh, you can leave that with one of my Detectives," Olivia said as her phone buzzed in her pocket. She picked it out of her pocket and saw the text left for her. "Actually, yes, leave that with one of them while I head to the hospital." She looked up to see everyone staring at her. "Hayley Connors woke up. Nick, care to join?" Nick gave a nod and got up from his chair with his jacket in hand. "We'll be in touch," Olivia told Montserrat before heading out with Nick.

"You can leave your information here," Amanda motioned Montserrat to her desk. She had a sticky note and pen waiting for Montserrat.

"Thanks," Montserrat walked over and picked up the sticky pad.

"Now when we do get the perp we'll need you to do the formal ID…" Amanda explained but Munch cut in.

"I think she knows the procedure," Munch reminded her, giving Montserrat a small smile. "Isn't that right, Detective?"

"Yes," Montserrat smiled back and handed Amanda the sticky pad and pen. "Olivia also said I could talk you about a sketch artist."

"You think you got a good view of the perp?" Finn asked, exchanging glanced with Sonny. It would be a real step up from what they had so far.

"Yes," Montserrat recognized that look of relief all too well. It was so frustrating to have next to nothing on cases. "And like I told your Sergeant, I'll do anything I can to help."

"You sure you're Casey's cousin?" Munch's question made her chuckle. "Not that Casey never helped, but..."

"My cousin has a fantastically hard attitude," Montserrat finished for him. "I tell her that and she still gets pissed off. "Maybe she gets that from her mom. We're related on the paternal side. Our fathers were brothers."

"Were?" Sonny looked at the others in case they knew about it.

"Casey's father died in the military," Montserrat figured Casey would have at least mentioned that but then again she didn't really know _ADA_ Casey - she knew her cousin Casey. "She never mentioned me?"

"Uuh..." she heard Fin go before shrugging. "Lots of work around here, little time to talk."

"Right," she playfully rolled her eyes. "Anyways, can we do that sketch of the perp please? I have to go, so..."

"I can take you," Sonny stood from his desk, all too cheerful to do the task. "You're going to help us a lot with this."

"That's what I'm aiming for," Montserrat chuckled and followed him.

~0~

When Montserrat returned to her apartment, which was inhabited by the couple awaiting the child she carried, she was forced to tell them the truth about things. They were good people, they were her friends, and ultimately they would find out on their own.

Leah Saunders moved around the kitchen table serving lasagna to her husband, Michael, and Montserrat. "I just don't think getting yourself into that situation is the best thing right now," Leah was voicing her opinion in the kindest, civilized manner she could muster. "You're about to pop - literally - and you already got blood pressure to worry about. Is testifying and all that really necessary right now?"

"Considering this woman was raped and beaten, yes I think it _is_ necessary," Montserrat picked up her fork to start eating. She was about to dig in when a scent caught her nose. "Is that brownies I smell?"

Leah playfully rolled her eyes. Michael chuckled in his seat. For the entire pregnancy, Montserrat experienced a series of cravings but the one that stuck throughout it all were the brownies. Leah took to making brownies daily just for her.

"Eat first," Leah pointed Montserrat to her plate. "Brownies come afterwards."

"You spoil me," Montserrat dug her fork into the lasagna.

"It's the least we can do after what you went through," Leah blurted as she took her seat. Montserrat froze just as she was about to take her first bite of lasagna. Leah's eyes widened when she realized her words and immediately set to amend for them. "Montse, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to bring that up. I'm-"

Montserrat warmly smiled at her friend. "It's okay. Don't worry about it."

"Don't say that. It _is_ something to worry about," Leah felt terribly guilty for her careless slip.

Michael reached for his wife's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, then glanced at Montserrat. "Montse, you know that you seeing a therapist isn't grounds for breaking the contract, right? If you need a ride, Leah or I can take you."

"I should have said something, I'm sorry," Montserrat licked her lips nervously. "I just wanted to keep it away from people...I don't know. I'm sorry."

"It's difficult, I know. But please, next time just tell us."

Montserrat nodded. "I will. Thank you."

"And as for this whole case thing, we know you're not stopping-"

"-I am not."

"And we get that. It is part of your job, but take it easy, alright? We'll be there for you, anytime you need us."

Montserrat sighed with relief. "That means a lot, believe me." Her friends both smiled at her, their promise to stay with her was the leverage she needed at the moment to continue with this until she could get back on her feet on her own... literally.


	3. Didn't You Know?

The victim, Hayley Connors, lived a rowdy nightlife. As it turned out, there were various accounts of misconducts that made her story a bit unbelievable. She'd been beaten and raped, there was no doubt about that, but the defense would have a field day with all her prior misconducts. Still, she'd been able to give more details on her attacker which corroborated with what Montserrat had told SVU as well. Between the two statements and a couple pieces of evidence, the squad was able to track down the suspect. With that came the ID sessions.

Montserrat was tapping her boot against the floor when Olivia walked into the interview room. "Hayley finished. You can ID next," Olivia soon noticed the jittery action of the ginger and wondered if there was something wrong. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, sorry, this kid thinks my bladder is a squeeze toy," Montserrat awkwardly smiled as she pushed herself up from the chair. "I just have to use the restroom."

Olivia smiled and told her it was fine. Montserrat felt embarrassed enough. Twice she'd been to the restroom since her arrival. Once she returned, Olivia took her straight to the line up where she met Rafael and also had the (un)fortunate pleasure of meeting the suspect's lawyer, a Mr. Buchanan.

"Detective Novak," Rafael nodded her to step towards the window. "You know what to do, right?"

A sarcastic smile spread across Montserrat's face. "I think I might." She gave the nod to Olivia that she was ready and so Olivia knocked twice on the glass to get the lineup. Montserrat's eyes trailed from one man to the next until she spotted the familiar lanky monster. "It's number four. He was attacking Hayley Connors and then tried to do the same to me." Olivia knocked against the glass to get the line up taken out.

"Which is not part of the charges," Buchanan was quick to say.

Montserrat side glanced at him with a straight expression. "Doesn't matter. He's going down anyways. We'll see your client in court," the twitch of her smirk elicited quite a glare from Buchanan but he kept to himself and took off first.

"I have to warn you, Detective, that antagonizing Buchanan is only going to make his cross examination even more difficult for you," Rafael warned once it was just the three of them.

"Please, either way he'll want to destroy me."

"Which is why you need to know exactly what you're going to be saying."

"And Hayley," Montserrat suddenly chuckled. "I know that look."

Rafael exchanged a confused glance with Olivia, but neither knew what she was talking about. "What look?" he then asked.

"You have the same look that the ADA I worked with would give me when he thought I didn't know what I was doing."

"Montserrat, we both know that you are equipped for court," Olivia started off kindly, but Montserrat knew exactly where she leading up to. "But you worked Homicide. The cases are very different at SVU. In homicide, everything is concrete but here...you have to prove that what the victim claims is true."

"So one wrong word and you could throw Hayley's case out the window," Rafael held nothing back unlike Olivia. He needed Montserrat to understand the implications before she would take the stand. "Maybe I _am_ giving you that look your old ADA did but in my case, don't I have a right?"

Montserrat upheld his gaze for a couple seconds before giving in. She wasn't there to argue. This division was new to her, and despite filing her transfer papers months ago she still needed actual experience to know what SVU really dealt with. "Sorry," her answer was met with suspicion from Rafael, but she just smiled. "You're right. I'll listen."

He opened his mouth to retort but closed it instead. His tilted head made her smile even more. "If all the detectives here were like you, I'd have less headaches."

She laughed at the comment with closed eyes. Her laughter couldn't last for long lest she wanted to make another trip to the restroom.

"My office tomorrow afternoon. We'll go over what you'll say," Rafael said and waited for her to nod before taking off.

Montserrat waited until he was gone before speaking to Olivia. "Well, I like him better than my old ADA. He at least takes me serious."

Olivia started walking her towards the bullpen. "Uh, Rafael's...something. You're the first person I've heard him compliment since he transferred." Then, with a straight face, she looked at Montserrat and added, "He's been here for a year."

After that, Montserrat laughed until she needed to visit the restroom again.

~0~

One week later had both Montserrat and Hayley practicing in the courthouse. Out of the two, Hayley seemed to be the most nervous. Since she didn't want to even be there, Olivia accompanied - specifically walking Hayley through things - them just in case Hayley backed out at the last minute. Things seemed to be going okay but when Rafael started hitting Hayley with the questions he was sure Buchanan would, the girl frantically got off the stand, shouting the entire thing was too much.

"It's only what's coming on the actual day," Rafael was close to losing his already thin patience. "I'm not asking you anything Buchanan won't."

Hayley glared at him, probably thinking at the moment _he_ was a much bigger enemy than Buchanan. "It feels like _I'm_ the one to blame!"

"You're not," Olivia answered before Rafael could. She warned him not to say anything else for the moment. "But it's usually a defense tactic to make it look like you are."

"Of course," Hayley crossed her arms. "I go out and have fun so it must mean that I wanted to be attacked."

"No one here thinks that. But you have to be calm," Olivia's words only seemed to agitate Hayley more.

The young woman dug her hands into her messy blonde hair. "That's easy for you to say! You're not the one who's going to have to be up here!"

Montserrat silently checked her phone while Olivia tried to calm Hayley down. She wouldn't say it out loud, but she thought Olivia's attempt was turning out to be counterproductive. And by the look on Rafael's face, she was sure he would agree.

"Maybe I can go next?" Montserrat finally spoke up. However, her own attempt was met with the same hostility Olivia had to deal with.

"Yes, let the pregnant lady have her go!" Hayley stormed towards the doors. "If she's not too busy gagging over my perfume!"

"I wasn't gagging at your perfume," Montserrat made a face. "It was a combination of everyone's." Yes, her nose was that sensitive and she'd let all three of them know.

Olivia was going to go after her but she stopped by Rafael, "She'll just need some time-"

"You think?" Rafael's snap didn't seem to phase Olivia. Montserrat praised the Sergeant for her dutiful patience with all these people.

"She'll be back," Olivia reassured him. She glanced at Montserrat, and seeing the look on Olivia's face made Montserrat speak up.

"I am fine, trust me." Olivia smiled lightly and went after Hayley before she actually left the court building altogether. Montserrat checked her phone again before rising from her seat. "I don't mean to be a downer on your work-"

"-let me guess, is that something you said to your old ADA?" Rafael asked, though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

Montserrat didn't bother hiding her smirk. "Aah, but here's the difference: I actually mean it this time." Rafael actually chuckled. "It's just this case seems difficult to make when the victim herself doesn't seem to want to be here."

"Liv said you were in the process of transferring into SVU?"

"Yeah…"

"Then you would know that in this division, it's pretty much how it goes most the time."

"Yes, I do, and that's why I don't think coddling her is the way to get her to talk," at her words, Rafael stopped in his paper search. "I know Olivia and the Squad and you are more experienced in this division but...I don't think Hayley is going to respond to Olivia's kind manners."

"And how would you handle the situation?"

"Honestly, I would lay the facts. You want to see the person who raped you behind the bars? Then you need to work with us."

Rafael stared at the woman, assuming she would retract or at least apologize for being bold in the tactic. But, she didn't. "That's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

"Some people don't respond to warmth and closeness," Montserrat plainly said. "It's cold but it's the truth."

"Didn't take you for a psychologist," Rafael made a nod for her to head to the stand.

"Ooh, I am many things, Mr. Barba," she sucked in a breath and crossed the room with a hand on her stomach. "But right now the only thing I wish I could be is a woman who could get up from a chair on her own," she said as she went through a small struggle of sitting down on the stand. "Fair notice, you'll be helping me out of this afterwards."

"Of course," Rafael then motioned they were going to begin. He needed to have at least one of the major witness get through the practice or he really would lose it.

Thankfully, Montserrat once again proved she indeed wasn't new to the process. Her words were a little misplaced due to the fact she worked in homicide instead but with the proper guidance, she could be as good as any other SVU detective. He just noticed there was an impulse for her to snap back whenever a particular intrusive question was asked.

He got a good taste of it when he made the wrong move and made a comment Buchanan most likely would about her.

"Bold of you to assume you know more about me than _me_ ," the ginger was now narrowing her eyes on him.

Rafael stopped and leveled her with an irritated expression. "You know better than to fall for cheap tricks like this."

"What kind of lawyer would ask that?" she frowned deeper. "It's ridiculous-"

"-you'd be surprised with what Buchanan can come up with."

"Then he's not a very good lawyer and probably should just go to he-"

"- _Detective_ ," Rafael's sharp tone made her stop her sentence.

"First of all, I'm not on the job so I'm not a detective at the moment. Second of all-"

"-no, no, there shouldn't _be_ a ' _second of all_ '. We are getting off track-"

"-I'm only responding to what you're asking!"

"But I'm not asking you anything right now!"

Montserrat scowled at him. "Then why are you shouting!?"

"I'm not!"

Montserrat watched him pinch the bridge of his nose. "You know, you and my old ADA would get along just fine."

Rafael dropped his hand and shot her an incredulous look. Was she really continuing on? Apparently so. "Well, we'd certainly have something to talk about."

"You know _what_ -" Montserrat suddenly stopped when she felt a particular jab on near her lower abdomen. The sudden yelp of pain was enough to make her squirm and jerk forwards on her chair.

"Miss Novak?" Rafael forgot about his irritation with her. "Are you-" Montserrat scrunched her face in clear pain, making him conclude the answer and rush to help her.

The first jab of pain was followed by a second and third within the second. Montserrat did a series of breathing exercises Leah had talked about weeks ago. They suddenly didn't seem so stupid anymore.

"Miss Novak-" Rafael's voice got through to her between one of her breaths, "-I'm going to call for a b-"

She was sure what he was going to say so she waved the hand that wasn't gripping the wooden bar in front of her. "-no! Don't bother!"

"What do you mean!?" Rafael practically shouted at her. "You're about to-"

"-nooo, I'm not!" her breathing was spacing out. "It's just false labor. I've had it twice already, just give me…" she sucked in another breath, "Give me a moment, please. Just... _silence_! Just stop talking!"

Rafael followed the instruction but he was set on calling for the hospital if she didn't look better in the next minute. Montserrat took a couple more breaths in and out, just like Leah made her practice for a full hour, and monitored her pains. Like the stupid book said, the 'false contractions' gradually decreased. Montserrat finally opened her eyes and met a wide-eyed ADA beside her.

A light smile graced her lips. "Get some color back into that face, Mr. Barba. I told you I was going to be fine."

His natural response was to frown. It seemed like he would snap but out of decency he forced his mouth to remain shut. That just made Montserrat laugh.

"Have you had any kids?" she asked.

"No."

"Then this is your practice," her small laughter didn't help his restraint. "You failed."

"You're actually serious - okay," Rafael felt it was better to end the session there and then because he was _not_ going to have an argument with a woman about to give birth. That was just _wrong_. "Just please work on the snark."

"I will if you will," Montserrat chuckled, much to his dismay. "Before you storm out, could you help me?"

Rafael honestly thought she'd been kidding about needing help getting up from a chair. After the spectacle she just gave, he'd need some aspirin for sure. She made Hayley Connors feel like a day at the park. _She's pregnant. Just let her do what she wants._ She was about to push a human being out of her body so perhaps leeway was something she deserved. God knows his mother would have his ear if she ever found out he refused to help a pregnant woman. He didn't even want to think what his grandmother would have to say.

"Please consider taking it light until the court day," he spoke much calmer when he returned to the stand to help her. "The last thing we need is for you to go into labor before or during the-"

"-let's not jinx it," Montserrat shuddered and preferred to be optimistic she would have luck with her due date.

"Ready?" Rafael took her nod and helped her up from her chair. "Be careful with the step-"

"What step?" Montserrat saw a glimpse of the step before her right foot inadvertently slipped.

Rafael instinctively blocked her fall and caught her by the waist. Montserrat's brief moment of fear was evident across her face. It was very close to Rafael's face, enough so that they could both notice traits from each other that weren't so obvious at first glance. He, for example, had flecks of brown in the midst of his green eyes. She, on the other hand, very light freckles sprinkled below her eyes.

"There we go," Rafael soon helped her get back on her feet, purposely avoiding her gaze. "You're alright."

"Thank you," Montserrat straightened up and made way for her things. She was right on time because her phone went off just a second before she reached it. "It's Casey. She's probably outside. We were done right?"

"Yes, yes, completely," Rafael only briefly looked up from his own things. "Thank you."

"Uh, can you let Olivia and Hayley know I said goodbye?"

"Of course."

Montserrat didn't think he'd be willing to look at her again that day. She supposed the brief moment was enough to put any ADA on alert. The last thing he needed - and her for that matter - were rumors.

She instead met Casey outside the court building. Her cousin was waiting with a brown paper bag in one hand which she rose in the air as soon as she saw Montserrat. "Thought you could use some brownies," Casey smiled.

Montserrat raised an eyebrow of suspicion. "You know, every time you do something nice it's because you did something bad to me."

Casey sarcastically snorted. "That's when we were kids." Montserrat still didn't stop giving her a sharp look. "Alright," Casey lowered the bag and shrugged, "I know how tough Rafael can be so I figured you might want some dessert after your practice."

"That sounds more like Casey," Montserrat happily took the bag from her and opened it up to be greeted by the sweet chocolaty scent of brownies.

"So-" Casey turned them down the street, "-did things go well?"

"Um, I've no idea," Montserrat admitted she wasn't sure what the odds were for this case to go well. "The victim is...really frantic. She's emotionally unstable. She screamed at Olivia and stormed out."

Casey hummed. "Yeah, that happens sometimes. Patience is the true key in SVU."

Montserrat took a bite of a brownie which turned out to be very chewy. "Mm, this is so good!" Casey smiled and shook her head. "My day needed to get better and this was the perfect way."

"So it didn't go well for you either?"

Montserrat tilted her head and thought about her own practice. "No, I think I did. I know how to do this stuff, Casey. But I did get into a mini-argument with Rafael somewhere along the way."

Casey scoffed. "With you there are _no_ 'mini-arguments'."

Montserrat feigned an offended gasp. "How rude."

"But honest," Casey's smirk remained irritating as when they were kids.

Montserrat rolled her eyes and continued to eat her dessert. Her playfulness faded by the time she spoke up again. "Casey, do you think you could come with me when it's time to testify? I know you're busy and I know I've said that I'm not new to the process but…"

Casey put a hand on her cousin's arm. "I will be there."

Montserrat smiled in relief. "Thanks. I would just feel better if family was there."

"Of course," Casey smiled back. She put an arm around Montserrat's shoulders and continued to walk. "You hungry? Because I am."

"I'm always hungry these days!" Montserrat laughed.

~0~

The day of court Montserrat made her best to be on time and look as ready as possible. It was just to her unfortunate luck that she felt sick after eating breakfast. Leah made her a light, fruity breakfast just like the doctor suggested. Montserrat ate as much as she could then retreated to her bedroom to change.

She went with a cream-colored, short-sleeved dress appropriate for court and for her general uncomfortableness. Her hair was left down but with two pieces clipped back. It was a struggle fitting on her shoes when she couldn't exactly see her feet. Leah would laugh each time she was called in for help.

When Casey arrived to take Montserrat, she immediately noticed there was something off about her cousin. "Are you sure you're alright?" Casey asked for the third time now that they were arriving at court.

Montserrat seemed a little pale and, sure, she did feel just a little extra uncomfortable but what was unusual about that? She reassured Casey everything was just fine. "And please don't ask me again," she warned just as the elevator doors slid open for them to leave.

On their way out, they immediately spotted Hayley Connors coming out the courtroom with Olivia. As predicted, Hayley seemed logically upset.

"Did something happen?" Montserrat asked but Olivia shook her head, pushing Hayley forwards.

"Defence just made her talk about her nightlife, but it's fine. You're next and-"

"-basically you're damage control," Casey kept Montserrat moving in the opposite way. It was best for her and Hayley not to speak until Montserrat had her turn on the stand.

"Oh, no pressure," Montserrat put a hand on her stomach. The bailiff re-opened the door and exchanged a mutual nodding with Casey. "Oh yay," Montserrat glumly said as she was brought towards the doors.

"Now are you sure you're fine?" Casey stopped her just for a second, even though everyone was already waiting for Montserrat. "You seem extra-"

"-I'm uncomfortable," Montserrat gestured to her state. "That's it. I promise."

Casey had no choice but to let her go. She slipped into the courtroom after Montserrat and took the nearest seat she could.

Montserrat did her best not to put on a show when she sat down. She was thankful that Rafael was a straight forwards prosecutor who didn't do the usual fake "how are you" or the coddling by announcing he'd be asking her questions right before asking the questions. She found that incredibly annoying.

"How did you meet Miss Connors?"

"I didn't meet her persay, I heard her screams."

"Why was she screaming?"

"Because there was a man attacking her."

"And do you see that man here today?"

Montserrat dutifully pointed her index finger at the man sitting next to Buchanan. "He's right there."

"Let the record show that the witness has identified the defendant, Noel Oakes," Rafael paused when he noticed Montserrat scrunch her nose. He learned to recognize that as a warning something caught her nose in the wrong way. The last thing he needed - and for her - was her throwing up because someone chose the wrong cologne. "Miss Novak?" his call brought her gaze back up. "Can you describe what you saw on the night of March 29?"

"I saw the defendant push Miss Connors against a wall. He was angry about something-"

"Objection!" Buchanan stopped her so suddenly she blinked. "Lay witness opinion. The witness can't possibly know in what state of mind the defendant was in."

Montserrat inwardly groaned. She didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know anger when she saw it. Still, she took in a light breath and rearranged her words. "He smacked her head and then threatened her with a knife."

"And how were you sure it was a knife?"

"He pointed it at Miss Connors' face when he pushed her up against the wall. Its silver reflected under the street lights. Plus, when the defendant dropped it, it landed beside me." In that moment, Montserrat wished charges for Oakes' attack on her had been added so she could also spew out that information and get a definite guilty verdict. If she hadn't ran away from the scene, she could've. It was her punishment.

Dread around became palpable when Rafael finished questioning her. It didn't help when she unexpectedly in-took a shaky breath. Her body jerked upwards but not enough to get up from the chair.

"Miss Novak, are you alright?" the judge was the one to inquire.

Montserrat gave a quick nod of her head. "Y-yes." Still, getting comfortable on her chair seemed to be impossible now. She had the collective stares of Casey, Rafael and Buchanan. The first two were the weary ones...

It didn't help when Buchanan started the cross-examination by asking "how are you?" He was _that_ type of lawyer.

"I'm fi-ine," she said but her 'fine' came out just a bit high pitched. "Uncomfortable, but fine."

"Yes, I can imagine," Buchanan cleared his throat and, thankfully, got on with his questions. "Can you explain where you were coming from on the night of the alleged attack?"

"Objection - relevance?" Rafael's confusion was shared by Montserrat. The hell did Buchanan want to know about her life for?

"It goes to the credibility and the state of mind of the witness during the alleged attack," Buchanan explained with an air of confidence Montserrat was hating. And since the judge allowed him to continue, it got worse.

Montserrat licked her lips and looked to the side. "I was coming from an appointment."

"What kind of appointment?"

Montserrat's dark eyes met the man's, clearly not impressed by the direction of his question. She knew what he was going to try and do after she answered. "A therapy session."

"Right, so after your session you were probably dealing with feelings that could cloud your memory-"

" _-no_ ," she calmly cut him off. She'd been able to see Rafael's mouth opening to probably object to the nonsense Buchanan was spewing. "I was in a normal state and my therapist would be able to confirm that if you'd like."

"Forgive me, Miss Novak, but a woman in your state is undergoing so many changes. Isn't it possible that, due to one of these changes, you may have just imagined or mistaken what was happening?"

Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you implying my pregnancy is inhibiting my ability to _see_ and _hear_? Because I know what a beating and a rape look like."

From the benches, Casey knew her cousin was about to snap. And since her emotions were already unstable, it probably wouldn't end well if unleashed.

"Not at all," Buchanan answered in an annoyingly calm manner. "But you were clearly not in a right state after you fled the scene-"

"Objection!" Rafael thought the man was going far even for his usual standards. Montserrat was squirming in her seat every minute or so and he assumed it was because Buchanan was pushing her too much.

"Withdrawn," Buchanan made a wave of his hand. He took another stab at his game, this time going into Montserrat's flee of the scene. He just hadn't been counting on Montserrat snapping that his client had scared the living crap out of her - and her baby - when he brandished a knife at her.

In the end, though pale faced and rigid, Montserrat did more good than bad. Her "damage control" endeavor was dealt with just fine. It was just the damn chair that continued to be her enemy in that room. The court took the lunch recess after her testimony, and so as people were coming out Casey personally came to help her cousin out the room.

"Montse, you did good," she assured Montserrat as they exited the room.

"Did I?" the ginger doubted herself for a moment.

"No, you did," Rafael came up behind them. "Your snaps - which I told you to control - were said with the right words."

"And by that you mean…?"

"You're kidding? You're nine months pregnant - that alone gives you sympathy from a jury. Buchanan dug his own hole when he implied you weren't competent because of that."

Montserrat didn't even want to remember that, but there was something she wanted to address before leaving. "Casey, get ahead start please."

"You really earned some brownies this time," Casey smiled and started heading towards the elevators, promising to wait for her there.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be eating anything for a while," Montserrat's mumble went unheard by anyone. "About the whole therapist thing - I'm sorry I didn't mention that. I didn't think Buchanan would bring it up-"

Rafael scoffed. "It's classic. And you don't have to explain anything. That was completely irrelevant to the case-"

"-but I should have informed you so that at least he didn't get to surprise us with it," Montserrat shifted on her feet, scrunching her face. She reached for Rafael's wrist, startling him with the action. "Just tell me I helped the case."

"Yes, you did - are you alright?" he was tired of wondering why there was no color in her face. At first, he thought it was because she'd smelled something making her nauseous again, but now maybe he was thinking it was something else.

"I-I am," she seemed to struggle even swallowing. "I, uh, I just have it on good authority that I've been in labor for the past fifteen minutes."

The calm way she said it didn't stop the stunned expression from forming across his face. It was his turn to lose color in his face. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, you didn't think my water breaking was going to be the first sign of labor, did you?" Montserrat took in a decent-sized breath. "Only about 8% of women actually go through that."

"I-I-I don't - you just _sat_ there and testified!?"

Montserrat smiled - or smirked - with her own air of smugness this time. "I told you I was not having a baby before I testified. I'm a badass in general, didn't you know?" she had to stop for another deep breath. "Ooh yeah, I think the contractions are starting now. Good luck with your case." She pulled her hand from his wrist - which had tightened its grip without her realizing - and turned to meet Casey by the elevator.

Rafael had done his job for plenty, and plenty, of years but this was just... _shocking_. It definitely explained why she kept squirming in her seat towards the end. Now it definitely made his blood boil that he hadn't been able to cut into Buchanan's jabs. Still, he was first and foremost stunned by Montserrat, and that alone was hard to do seeing what kind of job he held. He'd let her know that the next time he saw her.

Unfortunately, he didn't know it would take him months to see her again.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Yeah, Montserrat did _that_ and I'm so proud of her *claps for her*


	4. Come Back

_2 Months Later._

There was an unusual chatter in Forlini's that day, even when everything just seemed...wrong. While the restaurant was lively for whatever reason, the SVU squad members were mourning their not guilty verdict and the death of the boy they'd been in trial for. It just seemed like racism and fear would continue to win no matter how much they tried. One by one, the squad trickled in members. Going home to continue moping was just the next step after the day.

Eventually, the lone ADA of the squad remained. He was determined to erase the trial from his memory even if it took all the scotch stock in the restaurant. With all the alcohol in his system, the noise around him felt like it was amplified by tenfold. Why were people so annoying sometimes? They couldn't go celebrate home or just keep silent like normal people? No. It always had to be like this. Maybe going to the blissful silence of his home wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Rafael had only decided this seconds before a crowd at the end of the restaurant burst into cheers for whatever the hell they were happy about. He was in the middle of picking up his things when he heard some members of the oh-so-joyous crowd beginning to leave. _Thank God_.

"...stay some more!"

"No, sorry! I'll see you at home, Kara!"

"Didn't know you had a curfew!"

The crowd of celebrators burst into a whole new laughter. Rafael would've gone straight out before they even opened their mouths again but one particular voice was too familiar to just let go.

"You're all jerks!" cried a familiar woman.

"Miss Novak?"

Montserrat stopped walking and turned towards the bar counter where Rafael was still sitting. A grin came across her face at the sight of the ADA. "Oh, hi! I didn't know you came here! Well, actually Casey comes here so I should've just figured that you would come here but…" she shook her head, forgetting the long ramble, "It's nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you as well," Rafael motioned the chair next to him, forgetting that he'd been about to leave (and she as well).

Montserrat sat down next to him, placing her black purse on the counter. When the bartender came by she waved a hand. "No thanks."

Rafael watched her for a minute as if to confirm whether or not this was the same woman he met two months ago. She remained the same, with her wavy fiery, ginger hair and bangs over her forehead. Her dark eyes seemed bigger now, or maybe that was just under the dim lights of the restaurant. Her figure was back. _Because she's not pregnant anymore_ , Rafael almost rolled his eyes at himself for being so stupid. Clearly, Montserrat would look different now. She was dressed in a black and white, long sleeved, horizontal striped dress with a white, biker-like leather vest over it.

"You look well," Rafael found himself remarking. His glass became an automatic form of retreat in case she took it in the wrong way. Still, when he thought about his three worded sentence it still made him feel like he overstepped. "I meant that, you know, you didn't have your…"

Montserrat's chuckle cut him off. "I don't have my big stomach anymore? Yeah, that's what happens when you give _birth_."

Rafael smiled. He liked her way of taking things in a different manner than most people would. It was refreshing. "I meant to follow up after the case but...we were surprised to find you relocated hospitals."

After he told the others how Montserrat practically withheld her labor pains until after she testified, they made it their mission to visit her in the hospital to thank her for it. It was a shock to them all when Casey notified them her cousin was in a hospital she didn't even know of.

"Sorry. Leah and Michael have these...traditions, they wanted me to follow. They believe in only family seeing the baby for the first couple days." Montserrat gave a light shrug. She hoped he wouldn't ask too many questions about that.

"But was everything okay? You didn't...have any complications because of what happened in court?"

"No. I…" Montserrat started smiling, her gaze lowering to the counter, "I had a perfectly healthy baby boy. They named him Andrew."

"Congratulations," Rafael felt odd saying it since Montserrat wasn't technically the mother of the boy. Still, she seemed pretty happy so he'd just go with it.

"Thank you," she nodded. She shifted on her stool to face him with a whole new expression on her face. Anticipation. "Did you win the case? Tell me you got that guy, _please_."

Rafael put his glass down for a second and glanced at her, his growing smugness more or less an answer all on its own. "How do double digits in prison sound?"

"I _love_ your language," Montserrat gave him a coy smile.

Now it was Rafael's turn to laugh. "So I imagine you're back in the Homicide division, then?"

"Uum... not quite. I...I decided to stay clear of that from now on," Montserrat cleared her throat. "Queens no longer feels like home to me. I'm living with a friend right here in Manhattan again."

"Going to be working with us, then Detective?"

"It would be nice to hear that again…" Montserrat looked around as if someone would overhear a precious secret she had to tell. "Between you and me, I started talking with Olivia last month. Even though Detective Carisi already filled my spot, she said there's still room for another Detective. Apparently, the team recently said goodbye to Detective Munch?"

"Yes, we did," Rafael remembered Olivia's unnatural smiles last month when Carisi himself had asked who would be coming in to replace Munch. Olivia had been making the plans for long now.

"She's helped me get my papers back in, and this time here to stay. I'll be seeing you all next week," Montserrat said proudly.

"Great, another Novak to deal with," Rafael sarcastically rolled his eyes then took another drink of his glass. Montserrat gasped in the same sarcasm. "Relax, it'll be interesting working with a _Detective_ Novak this time."

"I'm not that awful," Montserrat laughed. "In fact, I have-"

"Montse," a blonde woman stopped by the two, or bumped into Montserrat, "I thought you were leaving! You only came to talk to the first man-"

"Kara, I'm going to stop you before you say something you'll regret for the rest of your life," Montserrat said in one clean go. Kara was her best friend and probably the boldest which didn't bode well for Montserrat since the woman was also drunk at the moment. "Remember that job I told you about?"

"Mm, the cop one?" Kara swayed on her feet so Montserrat grabbed one of Kara's hands to keep her steady.

"Yes, that one," Montserrat figured that was as far as Kara would remember in her state. "He's one of the ADAs there, do you remember that?"

Kara scrunched face then very honestly shook her head. "I gotta be honest: right now, I don't even remember what I do for a living."

Montserrat wasn't the least bit surprised by that. Kara was one of the honest drunks where she would say anything on her mind no matter what. "Rafael, this is my best friend in her worst states, Kara Mackie. We were celebrating a friend's recent promotion and...Kara got into the mood."

Rafael figured even if he did introduce himself to Kara, she wouldn't remember the next morning. The tall blonde woman was swaying on her feet and she didn't even seem to notice it. Still, he offered Kara a polite smile and his name. Kara smiled very sweetly, but it looked like his words had gone over her head.

"I think I'm taking you home," Montserrat sighed and grabbed her bag off the counter. "She's the roommate I was talking about," she told Rafael and grabbed her purse off the counter. "Unfortunately, part of the deal is I have to take care of her sometimes."

"Ah, that's why I live alone," Rafael made a mock toast with his nearly empty glass.

"Yeah, well, give me some time and maybe I can too!"

"I suppose we'll be seeing each other next week?"

Montserrat nodded her head. "I think so. But don't tell anyone. I want to surprise them."

"They won't hear anything from me."

"Montse, is it me or does it feel like you've been talking for _hours_?" Kara closed her eyes for a moment but Montserrat knew this was a warning Kara would be dropping asleep very soon.

"Oh boy," Montserrat turned Kara for the doors. "I'll see you around, then." She smiled once more at Rafael then hurried with Kara before Kara said something more. And it turned out Kara did have something more to say.

"Your friend is kinda hot. Can I go back there for like ten minutes?"

"Over my dead body," Montserrat practically pushed Kara out the door.

~0~

 _Days later_.

Montserrat pulled open a cafe shop door and was greeted with a sweet cinnamon scent. She loved the fact they sold some delicious, chewy brownies. That was never part of the pregnancy cravings - just enhanced - because she'd loved brownies for years and years before.

As Montserrat walked through the cafe she spotted the woman she'd come in looking for. "Sergeant Olivia Benson," she said once she was in hearing shot of the Sergeant.

Olivia looked up from her phone just as Montserrat pulled a seat out at the table. "Hi, glad you made it."

Montserrat nodded and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Of course I would make it. Thank you for agreeing to do this outside the station. You didn't have to do that."

"No reason why we couldn't," Olivia countered with. She motioned to a file sitting on the table in front of her. "I've finalized things and you really do look good for the job. Homicide had good recommendations for you."

"I bet they did," Montserrat bit her lip and smiled an unusual smile that Olivia couldn't let go of.

Montserrat seemed like a perfect candidate to be an SVU detective. She had the experience, she had the skills, the personality but sometimes Olivia noted there were moments where Montserrat would do or say odd things. It was as if Montserrat was talking about something only she knew about, something that still had an effect on her.

"And I see you decided to put down you're still seeing a shrink," Olivia meant to discuss that only briefly, but she felt she still had a duty to inform Montserrat her options. "You know it's not required, right?"

"I know, but it's not like it was a secret," Montserrat shrugged. "Plus I wouldn't want it to come up in some trial and take the ADA by surprise. I'd rather have things out in the open."

"Okay," Olivia gave a nod.

"Can I ask you something?"

Olivia smiled at the ginger's shyness. "Of course. You can make any questions you want."

"You're the Sergeant so...is there a Captain? A Lieutenant?"

"Uh, we used to have a Captain but he retired and we're still searching for someone."

"Okay," Montserrat nodded. Olivia gave her another look as if expecting more questions. "I don't really have any more questions."

"Really?" Olivia raised an eyebrow, a smile crossing her face. "I would think switching from Homicide to Special Victims might leave some questions. At the very least switching neighborhoods would."

Montserrat laughed softly. "I lived in Queens but since I moved in with Leah and Michael during the pregnancy I've learned enough about the city."

"So you've definitely moved here, then?"

"Yeah, right now I'm staying with a friend until I find a place of my own," Montserrat looked around the cafe. "This is actually one of the places I've learned to love. It's adorable."

Olivia laughed and had to agree the quaint cafe shop was highly relaxing. She didn't have a lot of time to do that anymore and she wouldn't tell Montserrat that if she did become an SVU detective there wouldn't be a lot of time to visit relaxing cafes. "So, can we expect you Monday morning?"

Montserrat didn't think twice in answering. "With coffee for everyone."

~0~

"So, it's settled and I'm going to be starting at SVU on Monday," Montserrat relayed her lunch meeting with her therapist. She was happier than the previous times she'd visited, especially after giving birth.

Dr. Weslin made that note without initially mentioning it. "And you're feeling competent for that?"

Montserrat understood where she was going. Her smile faltered for a bit but she still answered calmly. "I do, actually. Things seem...to be getting better now. I can actually say it and _feel_ it. I mean, two months ago I was giving birth to…" she paused, biting her lower lip.

Dr. Weslin waited for her to continue but, just like the other times Montserrat hesitated. "Montse, part of this process is for you to be able to say it out loud."

"I know-"

"-and especially considering where you're going to be working at-"

"-I know!" Montserrat squeezed her eyes shut and balled a fist on the couch. "But it was already difficult saying it as a Homicide Detective but now as an SVU detective…"

"It's a challenge," Dr. Weslin knew. She knew by now that Montserrat said the same thing each time she was in for an appointment.

Montserrat opened her eyes but her fist remained curled and unmoving. "It will always be a challenge openly admitting that I was raped. I feel better now and I don't want that to go away."

"It doesn't have to," Dr. Weslin remained calm even as the woman teared up. She put her clipboard down and gazed at Montserrat. "You have done fine progress, Montserrat."

"I know that," Montserrat unintentionally snapped. "But sometimes when I get to thinking about this year, I…" she scrunched her face and raised her balled fist. "Sometimes I start to go _back_ …"

"Normal action," Dr. Weslin nodded. "You've had quite the year, Montserrat. And the fact you never disclosed to your family…"

"I did what I needed to," Montserrat dropped her hand to her lap. "I just told Casey, and I went to the hospital, I got the rape kit done, I disclosed to my Lieutenant. My family didn't need to know."

"Now let me ask you something, Montserrat. Do you think working at SVU will in anyway dissolve your progress?"

Montserrat couldn't give any answer with certainty. She could say no and definitely know that she was lying. Or, she could say yes but without being completely sure. She truly felt like she had made an honest progress in healing and she really didn't want to lose it.

"I guess we'll have to wait and see."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Sorry for the short chapter but I wanted an intermediary chapter to transition to our actual Detective Novak now ;)

 **For the Reviews:**

 **Rossi's Lil Devil** : I'm proud of Montse too believe me. And I think she's definitely earned herself a special type of respect from Rafael. If it's more we'll definitely see what it is ;)

 **animexchick** : Thanks! Hope you continue liking the story! :)


	5. Ins And Outs

A Monday morning was just as busy as any other day in SVU. It was a miracle they still had Sundays off. Montserrat had come in at the time Olivia told her the day before. She emerged into the bullpen and saw some familiar faces along the way, but it didn't hit her until she was spotted by the detectives.

"Miss Novak?" Amanda Rollins was the first to notice the familiar ginger coming into the room. At her call, she had the other detectives follow her gaze towards Montserrat.

With all eyes on her, Montserrat meekly smiled at the group and waved her free hand at them. "Morning Detectives."

"Look at you, showing up unannounced," Fin leaned back on his chair, scrutinizing Montserrat for a clue of her sudden presence. "Last time we heard you were having a baby in Barba's courtroom."

"While that would have been awesome-" Montserrat sarcastically began, pointing at Fin as if she were truly sorry it wasn't the case, "-I decided to wait until the trial was over."

"Impressive," Fin gave a nod.

Montserrat continued on with the charade by pretending to accept the compliment. "Thank you."

"We tried to visit you," Sonny said, sounding a lot like Rafael in that he was apologetic for not following through. "But, uh, your cousin didn't want to tell us where you were at."

"Yeah, she said your couple had some weird traditions or something," Nick said, still seeming doubtful of it.

"Yeah, sorry about that. But thank you," Montserrat was touched by their efforts when they hadn't even known each other to be considered friends.

"Was the baby alright?" Amanda asked out of curiosity. No one knew what happened except that Montserrat had indeed given birth to a baby.

"Yes, a health boy who had me in agony for twelve hours," Montserrat pretended to shiver, making the detectives laugh.

"Yeah, that's why I'm not having kids," Amanda shook her head.

"Never say never," Montserrat truly meant that. No one ever knew what might happen to those perfect plans one made for life.

"Montse," Olivia emerged from the hallway, holding a paper in one of her hands. "Glad you're here."

"Sorry, I was on my way in and I got sidetracked," Montserrat nodded over to the detectives.

"They do a lot of distraction," Olivia's comment earned herself mock glares from her team. "You didn't bring coffee for everyone though…" her serious comment made Montserrat stop for a second until she remembered she'd playfully joked during their lunch meeting that she would bring coffee for everyone come Monday.

"Oh, right," Montserrat laughed in embarrassment. "Tomorrow."

"So, have you told them?"

"Uh, no I have not," Montserrat shook her head.

Olivia motioned if she wanted to go ahead and do it but Montserrat allowed Olivia to break the news instead.

"Well, guys, Montserrat is joining the team today," Olivia put a hand on Montserrat's shoulder. "Please show her the ropes, not that she needs a lot of training, but you know…"

"Show the new kid around," Nick got the jist, giving a smirk that indicated Montserrat was in for a spree of new kid jokes.

"Carisi, you're finally off the hook now," Fin confirmed Montserrat's thoughts with that and made her laugh when Sonny cheered with his hands in the air.

"Thank you for coming," Sonny oh-so-seriously told Montserrat.

"Thank you," Montserrat loved the type of dynamic the team seemed to have despite the atrocious crimes they dealt with every day. It didn't always happen.

"So, Detective Novak…?" Fin tested the name out with a bob of his head. "It's going to take some getting used to considering the only Novak we knew chewed our asses for not giving her perfect cases."

"But now we have Barba who has the perfect attitude towards our cases," Amanda said in the same sarcastic tone Fin had used.

"...I miss Casey," Fin quietly said a minute later.

"Okay," Olivia said in a tone that indicated she was switching gears to business. She showed Montserrat to her desk, which turned out to be opposite of Sonny's. "We did just get our latest victim to help us with a sketch of our perp…" but as she turned around the paper in her hands, the entire group agreed it was rather generic.

"That sketch is useless," Fin's blunt remark made Olivia sigh.

"Yes, I know but let's give it a shot, alright? We're gathering backup so start preparing - this is going to be an all day search," she started to turn but stopped midway, her index finger pointed at Montserrat. "And someone fill in our newest recruit please."

"Oh geez, definitely feeling like the new kid," Montserrat nodded to herself, missing the few smiles from the other team.

"Alright new kid," Sonny rose from his chair, stopping for a moment to take in what he said. A great big smile spread across his face. "Hey, it does feel good. I get the appeal now."

Montserrat cleared her throat, raising a finger in the air. "Yes, um, I believe there's a rapist out on the streets so if someone could get over the high school new kid thing that'd be great."

"Alright, c'mon Detective Novak," Fin was the one to get up this time. "These children don't know when to play and when to work," he said as he walked past her.

Montserrat followed him across the room and soon had the rest of the squad coming along with Olivia's sketch. At first glance she could see the case was pretty generic in that they didn't have outstanding evidence to nail one perp, but what they did have allowed for a search with some guidance.

"He has three victims so far but that's not going to last," Fin took the sketch from Nick and pinned it to the board. Montserrat made a face behind him - the sketch really was generic. "All victims have been white women over 40, raped in their doorways. Their attacker's young, black, male. Six-foot, wears a hoodie and a baseball cap."

"Starting to see the problems in the case...among other obvious stuff," Montserrat walked up to the board to see the details up close. "Had a gun…'I know you want it'?" she crinkled her nose and looked at the squad.

"That's more or less the basis of almost every case," Amanda warned her. "Be prepared for a lot of frustration."

"Duly noted," Montserrat nodded, glancing back at the board. Homicide was full of frustration too but she never really had to deal with cases where the suspect swore the victim wanted to be murdered.

Only a short moment later did Montserrat understand why the station had been so busy when she'd come in. Olivia had already started the preparations for the back up and search. The bullpen flooded with officers, tip line takers, and people Montserrat assumed were the higher bosses of SVU. She didn't recognize anyone and frankly, while the squad prepared to head out, she never felt so out of place. It would take time to get used to people, to really get to know them, but today was no day to dwell on her loneliness. There was a rapist who needed to be stopped and she would do everything in her power to help catch him.

~ 0 ~

Morning turned to afternoon and by the time it grew dark, everyone was exhausted. Still, they went all into their search. Stop-and-frisk wasn't the fastest things a cop could do but there was only going to be an end until they found the perp.

"How long this gonna take, man?" went one potential suspect as an officer forcibly turned him around for the search.

"What? You late for the opera?" Fin's response was a calm sarcasm Montserrat assumed was just part of the man's responsibility. She could see why Olivia suggested she should ride with Fin for this particular job. He was the next most experienced detective in the squad so he knew all the tricks and snarks from suspects.

"I already got a cop-and-feel from one of you people this afternoon!"

"Then you should quit complaining and just follow the instructions so you can go home quicker," Montserrat doubted the man would go home if given the chance. The street was filled with people intending no doubt to have fun on this Friday night.

"That's if he's going home," Fin corrected her then moved closer towards the man. "Live around here, honey?"

"Close enough, man!"

"Got any I.D.?"

"I don't have to give you that!"

"Sounds a bit defensive for someone who's got nothing to hide," Montserrat sarcastically mused. She got an agreeing nod from Fin.

"Huh, it's a nicely rolled blunt," said Fin a minute later after retrieving said item. "Party tonight?"

They heard a gunshot from a distance before the suspect couls answer. Both Montserrat and Fin forgot about the suspect and dashed towards the noise. They arrived at the scene to see a woman dressed in a sparkling, gold dress aiming a gun at a person who was already on the ground.

"Drop the gun! Put the gun down now!" Fin took the lead and pointed his gun at the woman.

Montserrat rushed to see who the shot victim was and pulled the hood to see a teenage boy. "I've got a pulse but we're going to need a bus now!"

"He was following me!" the shooter frantically cried, still lowering her gun as Fin instructed her. As far as she knew, she'd done nothing wrong. "He was gonna rape me!"

~ 0 ~

At the hospital, Olivia had both Fin and Montserrat relaying the situation to her because if things were wrong - even if it was the smallest of things - all of them would be in deep trouble.

"Suspect's Mehcad Carter, he's 16, he was shot once in the chest by the vic," Fin explained. "He's still in surgery, his parents are on the way."

"Sixteen?" Olivia repeated, already feeling the gravity of the situation turning against them. "Did he have a gun?"

Because that was exactly what the victim/shooter was claiming.

"No," Montserrat shook her head. "We recovered a cell phone from his pocket…?"

"Okay...and the victim? What about her?"

"Ms. Jolene Castille, the celebrity chef. She told us that she shot him in self-defense."

"Is this kid our serial?"

"Similar M.O. and description. We're waiting on an I.D. From the other vics," Fin said, reminding Olivia where Carisi was at the moment.

"The parents…" Olivia stopped when she spotted two frantic looking adults coming into the emergency room. She sighed. "Go talk to Jolene again and get her formal statement."

~ 0 ~

The victim was a blonde woman who did seem anxious about her encounter with the suspect. As she described the happenings to Fin and Montserrat, the ginger took a special interest in what Jolene was saying. The word choice was off, in Montserrat's opinion.

She kept this to herself and probably would have kept it away if no one had caught onto her the next day. She was sitting at the table in front of the pin board where all the squad's evidence for the case was set out. As Olivia once again had the detectives run her through Jolene's statement, Olivia noticed Montserrat constantly scrunching her face.

"Detective Novak, something you want to say?" Olivia's sudden call startled Montserrat.

She looked up from the table with an unsure expression. "Uum…"

Olivia sensed her hesitation but attributed it to the fact Montserrat was brand new to the team. "It's okay, you can say anything you want."

Montserrat looked at the other detectives and saw their agreeing nods. "Well...I don't want to start off on my first case with the impression that I don't believe the victim, but…"

"You don't believe the victim," Amanda finished for her. She was smiling in a knowing manner. "We've all had that in some cases. Why do you think Jolene is lying?"

"I don't - I mean, I don't know if she's lying," Montserrat took a moment to gather her thoughts. "I mean...when she told Fin and I how she just knew that Mechad wanted to rape her…" she trailed off, making a hand gesture to her side, "Who actually knows when someone wants to rape you? Jolene said he didn't physically attack her. And she's claimed there was a gun that hasn't appeared. Maybe I'm not thinking right…"

"Nah, we get what you mean," Amanda nodded and looked at the others who were also digesting Montserrat's perspective.

"We still have the dates that match with Mechad's outings," Sonny reminded just as a pure fact. "Not to mention two of our three victims already ID him."

"I know," Montserrat planted her elbows on the table then dug her hands into her fiery hair. "Listen to me, picking at a victim's statement."

She felt awful, yes she did. Her first case and she was trying to dismantle a statement she had no evidence that contradicted with Jolene's words. The ping of self doubt started and once that happened, there was a threat of spiraling.

~0~

The next day, Montserrat took herself to the only person who could offer some help.

"I didn't expect you for lunch," Casey Novak smiled at her cousin who'd unsurprisingly dropped by her office without a call. Montserrat's smile was sour as she gave a wide wave of hello with one hand. "Uh oh," Casey put down her pepsi bottle on her desk. "What's wrong?"

Montserrat dropped into the chair across Casey's desk. "Me, my integrity, my empathy, my sympathy-"

Casey raised a hand to stop Montserrat in her long list of what Casey considered dramatics. "Please, my workday ends at five. And this lunch is just comfort food."

Montserrat gazed down at the Chinese food sitting on the edge of the desk. "Case not going so well either?"

"Oh, he's an interesting one but…" Casey tilted her head, a ghost of a smirk playing at her lips, "...I don't think you came to the DAs office just to see how one of my cases is going."

Montserrat made a noise a child would when something wasn't going their way. "I think I'm screwing up on this case."

"Already? It's only been two days," Casey went for another bite of noodles. "What could you possibly get wrong in the span of two days?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"Montse, what's wrong?" Casey asked again, this time putting down her food to listen.

With a sigh, Montserrat straightened in her chair and began to divulge the contents of the case. "And I don't want to be known as the SVU detective who doesn't believe a rape victim but...the words this woman chose don't sit well with me."

"So you have doubt, big deal," Casey gave a light shrug. "Working at SVU can do that. Every case is different and, yes, sometimes you do get victims who lie and turn out not to be victims at all."

"She shot a sixteen year old boy, Casey."

"Oh, believe me, I know," Casey said with an exceptional emphasis on her knowledge. "Rafael is already getting the push from the DA to get this case moving. I would not want to be in his shoes." Montserrat's flat face reminded Casey of the problem she was having. The ADA made an apologetic face. "Sorry."

"I mean, she claimed he had a gun but as it turns out it was just a cell phone. And said cellphone had nothing but a typical teenage boy's interests."

"So there's nothing to put him at the scenes of each rape?"

"GPS puts him in the West 80s every night that rapist hit…"

"Anything else?"

"Two out of three victims ID him."

Casey made the same face anyone sane would. "This sounds like it could be a case…"

"But it could also circumstantial," Montserrat quickly said but immediately regretted it. Another noise slipped through lips before she threw her head back in annoyance. "There I go again! There's no stopping me!"

Casey rolled her eyes while her cousin practically had a melt down. She took some seconds for herself to finish her lunch; noodles and chicken and finally a long swig of her pepsi. Montserrat kept rambling on about how she was a terrible SVU detective and should just go home. She didn't even notice when Casey had cleared her desk off and gathered her belongings. It wasn't until Casey tapped her on the shoulder did Montserrat realize her cousin had moved.

Casey stood behind Montserrat's chair, hands clasping her briefcase. "If you're done being dramatic, I have a plea deal to make."

"You know, I was under the impression that family was supposed to help each other out," Montserrat glumly stood up.

"I am," Casey's laughter didn't exactly make Montserrat believe her. "But you're being completely paranoid. It's your first case. You can't know the ins and outs of SVU in one day so you're bound to have doubts about everything. We all have different ways we start." She led Montserrat out of the office, past her assistant, and into the corridors.

"So how did you first start?" Montserrat knew of Casey's extensive history with SVU, including how she was disbarred for the mishandling of evidence, but she never really learned of Casey's first case with SVU. Casey had been young and originally wanted to be an ADA for Homicide.

Casey stopped with a momentary reluctance. "I went in too intensive. I put a victim who was just a kid to ID a suspect when the squad repeatedly warned me she wasn't ready. I actually ended up saving another kid who was stuffed inside a cooler and I...I ended up asking for a transfer that same night. It was too much for me."

Montserrat was surprised to hear the stress got to Casey in so little time. Naturally, Casey took things head on. Nothing shook her. "But obviously you didn't get the transfer then, so...what did you do to...get over it?"

"Well, first, Liv talked to me. She made me understand that someone needed to do the job and it should be someone who cared. I cared," Casey nodded, a ghost of a smile on her face. "My first case was, as I have pointed out, a rocky one. We all have them. Olivia herself had her first rape case get a little too close to her. Hell, you want to know how your current ADA first started here? With a belt. Around his neck."

Montserrat gaped while Casey took off on her own. "What!? Wait a minute - Casey!" she chased after her cousin with the intention of getting the full story about that one.

~0~

"Willie Smith, level three sex offender," Amanda pinned the mugshot of the indicated man onto the pin board. "Just paroled in Michigan."

"How did we miss this guy?" Montserrat was looking into the computer Amanda left on the table. "He's been sleeping at a shelter for the last two weeks and it's within ten blocks of each rape. Not to mention the fact each rape fits his old M.O."

"Sometimes they slip through a crack there shouldn't be," Sonny said the only thing he could. Fact was, they probably shouldn't have missed such a big detail but sometimes it just happened.

"There really shouldn't have been," Rafael agreed in that tone indicating he was more than irritated with the squad and the case in general. Olivia was beside him, wearing a face that said she'd already heard his lecture on the way.

Now it was their turn.

"In our defence, we were focusing on Mechad since he is still in critical condition at the hospital," Nick's sour tone didn't help anyone. "With Jolene's statement we put aside other cases for the moment."

"How'd that work out?" Rafael felt Olivia's hand on his shoulder, meaning for him to take it slow. However, she wasn't the one already getting word from picky, anxious bosses. He gazed over the evidence the squad had set out but momentarily diverted to the ginger smiling just a bit out of the ordinary for the situation. "Detective Novak, you're here…"

Montserrat briefly looked up from the computer, that odd smile still playing at her lips. "Yes, trying to work on this case…" she dove her gaze back on the screen and it seemed like she was struggling not to continue smiling.

"Something the matter, detective?"

Montserrat once again looked up to meet his inquisitive stare, along with the others, and felt an urge to laugh. She quickly shook her head and cleared her throat, hoping to force her laugher down her throat. "You mean besides the fact we're possibly looking at a woman who shot an innocent kid, no nothing."

"Uuh...should we bring back the victims to ID Willie…?" Fin made the question after pulling his gaze from the ginger. Newbies. Always so damn weird.

Rafael also switched back to business. "And if they do, then they'll have I.D.'D two different suspects. That just about defines reasonable doubt."

Fin raised an eyebrow. "So you don't want us to bring them in?"

It was clear at the moment even Rafael wasn't sure of the next right move. "I don't know…." He was taking a moment to think when Olivia reminded him of one important detail.

"There's the one vic who did not I.D. Mehcad. We could bring her in…"

"What? And just throw out the other two cases?" Amanda's finger pointed back to the pictures of the two victims.

"Do we have anything else to tie him to them other than M.O. And cross-race I.D.S?" even as Rafael dug for more details he could see the case wasn't going to get better even if it turned out there were more details they suddenly gathered.

"Willie said that he recycles cooking oil," Fin recalled and figured it was the best way to start again. "We'll get CSU to check their clothing and his for lard, oil residue."

"And if we do get a match...Jolene may have shot an innocent kid," Olivia pulled her glasses off to rub her tired eyes. She didn't even want to think about that roadway... but as usual, Rafael was already one step ahead.

"Question is, did she know that?"

That was the winning question, wasn't it?

~0~

"Kara, what the - what are you doing!?" Montserrat had opened the door to her apartment only to be met with burning smoke. She coughed and waved a hand in front of her face to clear the air.

The roommate question was dumping burnt bits of food from a pan into the trash. "Sorry! Sorry! I wanted to make a cool dessert!"

Montserrat spotted part of dinner neatly placed on the table. "So what happened?" She walked over to the windows in the kitchen to open them up.

"I found something tasty looking on YouTube," Kara pushed her dark brown hair behind her shoulders then proceeded to scrub the pan at the sink.

"Kara, I say this with love, please stay off the internet," Montserrat took a seat at the table and decided to pick at the dinner Kara made.

"The salon was empty and I got bored," Kara switched off the sink after putting the pan on the drier. She grabbed a towel to dry her hands then headed over for the table. "I thought I'd surprise you with something good after whatever you go do in that God awful job."

Montserrat was in the middle of chewing on a grape when Kara said that. "Gee, thanks." A minute later her cell phone pinged. She took a spoon of mashed potatoes, then fished her phone out of her back pocket.

Kara was pouring herself some soda when she noticed Montserrat's sudden pause mid-chew. "What?"

"... Mehcad died," Montserrat put her phone on the table. She brought a hand to her mouth to think about where their case was now headed.

"That's exactly what I mean," Kara shook her head. "I know you said you worked homicide but SVU takes a terrible twist with murders. I didn't even know that was possible."

Montserrat didn't pay much attention to her friend's words. Kara meant well and she knew it was just concern for her recent behavior. Montserrat was still working on being confident and a lot of other things Kara had no idea about, as well as anyone else besides Montserrat's shrink.

"Fin and Olivia are gonna go talk to the woman-"

"-you mean the shooter," Kara took a sip of her orange juice. "Because we both know that's what you think she is.'

"I am trying to see both sides but...now we're really going to see," Montserrat took her fork and went around the plate picking at the chicken. "I have a feeling this case is going to become a really heated one."

"I don't need to be a cop to know that," Kara snorted. "So if this does go to trial, can anyone go?"

Montserrat issued another look, this one signaling Kara's strange question. "Why?" Kara's widened smile was enough to make Montserrat conclude there and then it was a personal agenda that Kara had.

"I am not gonna miss any chance to see that ADA in court, up close," Kara made a hand gesture, matched with a face of 'duh'.

Montserrat silently put her fork down and stared at her roommate for a minute while Kara rambled on about Rafael. She actually described him in great detail, down to what he'd been wearing the night they saw him at the restaurant. "Amazing," Montserrat finally said after Kara took a pause (only to drink more soda). "You literally can never remember anything after getting hammered so why is this an exception?"

Kara swayed her head then dramatically stopped on a tilt, expression flat in seriousness. "I know you're like swimming in a pool of self doubt but that does not include blindness." Montserrat shook her head, but her laughter made Kara smirk. "You know I'm right. I've always got a good eye for good looking men."

"You're out of line, Kara Mackie" Montserrat pointed her fork at Kara. "And for the love of God don't you step near any courthouse. Ever."

Kara smirked widely and continued to eat. "You're lucky, Montse."

"And why is that?" Montserrat reached for her phone on the table again. She was probably going to be getting more updates on the case's situation. At the very least they would be taking a much closer look at Jolene's shot.

"Because you got to spend afternoons with him - wow!"

Montserrat raised an eyebrow of hers and slowly put her phone down on the table. "Kara, I was deadass nine months pregnant. If there was ever a time to look awful and unattractive in my life it was during that period. I couldn't even sit down on my own! Nor get up!"

"Hey, if anyone wants something to happen, it will."

Montserrat rolled her eyes, about to reject the idea when an image of her first prep session with Rafael popped into her head. She'd almost tripped and would've had a nasty fall if Rafael hadn't caught her so swiftly. It made her face feel warm when she remembered the close up of his eyes. He really did have nice eyes...and his arms - he was strong.

"Montse…?"

"What?" Montserrat flinched when her roommate spoke her name. She felt her face get even more warm realizing she'd actually drifted off thinking about something that was supposed to be no big deal.

Kara watched with a growing smirk on her face. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing!" Montserrat made a dash to finish her dinner, practically stuffing her face.

"Oh, sure," Kara bobbed her head, mimicking Montserrat. "Your face is almost as red as your hair. Admit it, you considered him."

"Shut up and eat your dinner, it's actually really good."

Kara laughed loudly.

~0~

Despite the protests on the streets against Jolene's act that made it impossible for a clean entrance into both the SVU station and the DAs office, Montserrat and Sonny pushed their way into the latter. It also didn't deter Sonny from making his best case on why it would be beneficial for him to shadow an ADA. Apparently, he was getting ready to take his bar exam. Interestingly though, Montserrat bore witness to the case being made towards her cousin, Casey.

The Homicide ADA had the two detectives trailing after her - well, Sonny was right behind her and Montserrat purposely lagged behind him. Sonny never realized when Montserrat left for their own ADAs office. He was just glad that Casey wouldn't mind his shadow if it was alright with Olivia.

Montserrat made a light knock against Rafael's office door just as he was finishing up a 'conversation' over the phone. It didn't sound like a regular conversation.

"Yes, sir. I do know what a long, hot summer is," he was also facing the window that probably overlooked the decent sized protest crowd outside. "Understood…"

"That did not sound like a good conversation," Montserrat remarked once he'd ended his call. "In fact that sounds more like somebody's in trouble and it's not Jolene."

"I guess it's an election year," the strained smile on Rafael's face was full of incrementing stress the case was putting on him combined with the DA. "No comment."

"Right," Montserrat knew he had a lot of comments but was holding himself to a professional level. She didn't blame him. Casey often times described just how the DA was on the inside...and Casey would know given her suspension period.

"Weren't there supposed to be two of you?" Rafael's finger pointed to the empty spot beside Montserrat.

"I'm not that new - I could have come alone," Montserrat made a face feigning offence. Of course it didn't help that Sonny came rushing in a couple seconds later. Rafael smirked at Montserrat, not needing to say what he was thinking. "I could have," the woman insisted with a frown on her face.

"Could have what?" Sonny cluelessly looked down at her.

"Nothing!"

"So...Willie Taylor. He's good for all the West Side rapes?" the ADA inquired from the two. It would solidify what needed to come next.

"Palm oil, olive oil, peanut oil, and lard on Willie and the vics. Mehcad was just a kid in a hoodie," Sonny was sorry to say for the dead kid. "Wrong place, wrong time…"

"And he was wearing the wrong skin," Montserrat's input made the two men stop and stare. "What? Everyone is thinking it and they're too afraid to say it out loud. I went with Finn and Olivia to Jolene's restaurant and I saw how she recoiled her hands when Fin reached just to motion them into a different room to talk in."

"Okay, devil's advocate, what was he doing in that neighborhood?" Rafael asked.

"His friends told us that he lost his metrocard. He was walking home," Sonny replied. He shared Montserrat's sentiment but even he knew the situation was too conflicting for one clean perspective.

"Okay, then why did he follow her to the gate?"

"His parents said he liked watching the cooking channel. Maybe he recognized Jolene, wanted an autograph."

"And Jolene, she's still sticking to her story?"

Montserrat made her input known with a scoff. "Try embellishing. Now she's claiming that Mehcad told her, 'you know you want it' as if we didn't know she just pulled that coincidentally a day after it was leaked to the press."

"How'd she react to the M.E. Report?"

"She doubled down. Even though not one neighbor heard her scream."

"Her story's a house of cards. But she's just still hiding behind self-defense," Rafael wished it could be easier but it hardly was in this division.

"Look," Montserrat began again, this time more calm and serious, "I've seen my fair share of hate crimes in Homicide. I'm not being dramatic, I'm not blaming a victim just because...this just feels racially motivated."

Being more professional made Rafael take her more serious. She reverted back to the detective Casey talked eons about. "If it is, she'll have a history. Find it. This isn't going away."

"We'll get on it," Sonny dutifully nodded and motioned Montserrat to follow him out.

"Detective Novak?" Rafael stopped the ginger woman just as she was about to cross the doorway.

She turned back but gave Sonny a nod to wait for her out in the hallway. "Did I say something wrong back there?" was her immediate guess on why she was being held back. "I have a problem, I know-"

An unusual smile came to Rafael's face as he responded with some familiar words. "You have problems alright: your integrity, your empathy, your sympathy…"

Montserrat's eyes widened in horror as she recognized her previous lists of concerns she'd given Casey. "I'm gonna kill Casey Novak."

"This is literally the worst place to say that," Rafael laughed at her.

Montserrat was nowhere near amused. She came back - stalked over - and planted her hands on his desk, leaning forwards. "How did you know that?"

Rafael sobered agonizingly slow - in Montserrat's opinion - but retained a smirk Montserrat figured was just part of his natural self. "Your cousin loves to pop in whenever the DA is breathing down my neck." Seeing her face getting redder from anger, he decided to throw in something that could possibly save Casey from actually being attacked. "She was just worried about you and she stopped by to see how the case was going. She's mentioned you had doubts about your competency here-"

Montserrat suddenly slammed her hands on the desk, effectively cutting him off. "She had no right to do that! If I come to someone to talk - to vent - that's automatically private!" she shrugged when she reached her conclusion and withdrew her hands from the desk. "I'm gonna kill her! The DA is gonna have to find a new Homicide ADA because I'm about to kill the one they have now!"

Rafael had kept quiet throughout her long ramble, unbeknownst to her he was in his examination mode and he'd come up with a good solution. Of course, he knew what he was going to get into when he opened his mouth again but he couldn't listen to Montserrat's ridiculous cries of self doubt. "I did not take you to be a woman with such low confidence in herself."

Montserrat blinked in response. Her head gave a light tilt while she decided whether or not she'd heard right. His straight face was answer enough. "I do not have low confidence in myself," she responded a minute later, much more calm than before.

Rafael made his doubt known with a bob of his head. "The woman I met two months ago was a...what was it?" he pretended to think about it for a second before he nodded and answered himself. "Oh, right, a 'badass in general'. Wonder what happened to her…"

Montserrat released a breath borderlining an offended laugh. "Well excuse me but I literally withheld **labor** in a courtroom, in a trial. So yeah, I had my moment. That was different. That was two months ago. This is me now, in a completely different setting. This is my first case as a detective in SVU so excuse me for having some doubt in my choices. I want it to go perfect."

"You're in SVU, nothing will ever be perfect," Rafael would've guessed Olivia to be the one to tell this to Montserrat before anything else. Apparently, it was going to be up to him to tell her the truth. "I've only been here a year and it took me only the first case I took on from them to figure out the structure of the division. You shouldn't - why the hell are you smiling?" he couldn't figure out when Montserrat had suddenly garnered a wide smile that seemed to be on the verge of laughing.

He wouldn't figure out that she was thinking about what Casey said in regards to first time cases, specifically his first case with SVU.

Don't you dare laugh, Montserrat. Montserrat pursed her lips together, pressed them hard, to swallow down that threatening laugh in her throat. "You're right," she said in a strained tone. "Everything you said is right - I gotta go."

"What was so funny-"

"-nothing!" Montserrat answered before he could even finish the question. The fact was she was staring at the desk with trembling lips. Don't laugh, she warned herself. "I have to go, Sonny's waiting. But thanks for the real life talk. Oh but I'm still killing Casey." She turned on her heels and walked straight out of the office, withholding her laugh until she was in the hallway.

Meanwhile, Rafael was left with the impression that Montserrat was an even stranger Novak to deal with.

Sonny, on the other hand, had to deal with a partner who had such an endless laughter. "I didn't think anything was funny right now," he admitted in hopes of being let in on the joke.

Montserrat took in a deep breath and hoped to God she was done. It was ridiculous, honestly, to even be doing this and she was sure if Rafael found out he would probably kill her. "Sonny, it's nothing, trust me. Rafael just said a really funny joke."

Sonny snorted. "Now I know you're lying. Barba never jokes."

"Why do you people call each other by your last names? Kinda weird," Montserrat said in a swift move to change topics.

"I don't know, just the way things are I guess," Sonny shrugged.

"I mean, I'll call you by your last name sometimes but I'm not going to do that all the time," Montserrat continued on.

"Alright, but even if I did call you by your name, it's a mouthful!"

Montserrat pretended to gasp in offence. "My name is pretty and it deserves to be said in whole. But if you're that weary of it, Montse is fine too."

Sonny smiled and tested the name out. "Montse? See, easier to say. That's why I use Sonny instead."

"What's your real name?" Montserrat wondered just as they'd come out of the DAs building. "I know you and Fin use nicknames, so...what is it? What's the big, ugly name your mother gave you?"

"My name's Dominick and it's a fine name," went the man in defensive mode. Montserrat laughed at him but agreed it was a good name.

"Alright then, Dominick, you wanna tell me why you asked my cousin if you could shadow her instead of your actual ADA?" Montserrat started down the steps for the sidewalk. "I mean, I figure you ought to know Rafael better than you do Casey."

"I do, but I asked Casey as a backup. I'll ask Barba after the Jolene case is done."

"That still doesn't make much sense," Montserrat stopped by the sidewalk for a moment. "Why would you ask Casey as a back up? Is Rafael that stickler who'd say no?"

"I don't think so…" Sonny shifted on his feet, something about him suddenly nervous.

"Sonny…?"

"...he scares me sometimes," the man promptly answered and started heading for their car.

Montserrat honestly would need a minute to laugh before she could follow to the car.


	6. Twists & Turns

Later that night, Montserrat and her roommate Kara were in the living room with the latter painting the former's nails. Montserrat thanked the Lord Kara was an expert in all things beauty because sometimes a woman just needed to relax. And since Kara ran a personal salon, she had everything required for a perfect relaxing night. Of course that only happened if unexpected visitors didn't drop by.

"Casey, what are you doing here?" Montserrat blew air to her right hand's nails. They were painted a meat, glossy frosty blue.

"I came in to see how you were doing," Casey walked right on in and was immediately hit with the smell of acetone. She waved a hand in front of her face. "But I guess I was worried over nothing."

"Hi Casey, you want me to do yours?" Kara greeted in her usual cheerful way.

"No thanks," Casey turned sideways to see her cousin closing the door. "I hear you're planning on taking Jolene Castillo to trial. Brave souls..."

Montserrat turned to face her cousin with an unusual smile. "Wonder where you heard that…"

"I want to make sure your problems aren't still affecting you-"

"-oh, you mean my problems that I told _you_ in confidence but somehow my ADA already knows them?"

Casey expected that type of sarcasm that usually came before Montserrat burst into anger. "I know you're a little upset but I was just trying to make sure neither Rafael not Olivia were hard on you in this case. They can both be a little persistent and intense-"

"-then how about you let _me_ conclude that?" Montserrat sighed in annoyance and returned to sit down next to Kara. "I don't know either of them that well - I don't know _anyone_ there actually - so the last thing I need is for someone to get the idea that I'm not tough enough for the division. And just so you know, I did already have a somewhat conversation with Olivia so you telling Rafael everything did nothing for me."

Casey tilted her head, her expression swirling with guilt that even Kara saw straight away. Montserrat didn't bother feeling sorry about her words. She was so irritated that Casey took it upon herself to speak _her_ problems to someone else.

"I'm serious," the Detective insisted before Casey got into the idea she was wrong. "He said I lacked self confidence right to my face." Kara laughed out of her surprise but Casey attributed Rafael's words to it just being him.

"That's just how he is. He's straight forwards-"

"-I hadn't noticed!"

Casey released a big sigh and sat on the arm rest of the couch. "Maybe it's what needed to be done." Her new alternative way of thinking made her look no better in the eyes of her cousin. "I would have never been brave enough to tell you that you lacked self confidence but Rafael doesn't really have that problem. Whether it's business or personal he'll say what needs to be said."

"Yeah, I learned that, thanks," Montserrat leaned against the couch with a great big frown, reminding Kara and Casey of a child. "I do not lack self confidence," she muttered and made the other two women laugh.

~0~

With extra fuel gained against Jolene, a trial was inevitable. The woman was accused of shooting an unarmed, innocent boy and if all went well she would pay for her crime. The press was gobbling up the case as a common racism act and unfortunately Jolene was the only one who could give the facts of the case, which meant she'd be the one with the most abilities to change the perspective of the public. The M.E.'s report of Mehcad being in reality five feet away from Jolene was a strong suit, but it still didn't do much when all the prosecution had was what other people had to say about Mehcad. It was fairly difficult for the team to see Mechad's mother take the stand when the woman practically broke down over her dead son.

It didn't get any better when Montserrat got a lovely request from the defense.

"I wasn't even part of the case from the beginning!" she raged in front of the team without interruptions for a good minute. The conference room played host to her pacing and the squad's quick get together to plan for the trial that afternoon.

"It doesn't matter, you know all the details of the case," Olivia tried to calm her down but Montserrat was focusing on the reason she was called.

"And so do the rest of you," Montserrat gestured to the rest of the squad. "How come they haven't been called up to testify?"

"Well, some of us don't want to call us up…" Fin couldn't help make the remark at Rafael, the latter rolling his eyes.

"We've been through this!" went the ADA. "It's just better if you don't-"

"-but the defense already has me lined up for tomorrow," Fin reminded then brought a hand to point at Montserrat. "And they clearly have a plan because she's right, she wasn't in the case until the very end."

Rafael took a moment to consider the motive the defense had for this particular move. Montserrat really did come in at the very end of the case, even though she was there when Jolene made the shot. Still, it would have been a smarter move to take another detective to talk about the case. It absolutely irked him that he was blindsided by the motive - _what_ was the motive? His finger pointing at Montserrat made the ginger slowly come to a stop. "You need to pull yourself together, Detective. It's not the first time you're on the stand and I doubt it's the first time you've been suddenly placed on the stand. Correct?"

Montserrat swayed her head. "Well...I mean, it's not-"

"- _correct_?" his sharpness made her flinch.

"Yes, fine, it's not."

"Then compose yourself and start heading out."

Montserrat glared at him for the way he ordered her. If it wasn't for the fact she really did need to get going, she would've had something to say. Silently, she turned on her heels and walked out of the room.

"You really think talking to her like she's some kid is going to help anyone?" Amanda was the one to ask after Montserrat had left.

"It's the only way she seems to be responding right now," Rafael gave a careless shrug of his shoulders. "Not my fault. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out a motive in one hour."

He was wrong - he needed to figure it out on the way to the courtroom.

~ 0 ~

It was difficult for Montserrat not to picture the last time she'd been in a courtroom testifying. Her hand settled over her non-existent pregnant belly when she sat down at the stand. At least this time she wasn't in danger of popping out a human being before the trial was over.

"Detective Novak," called the defense, an old man with stark gray hair. Mr. Cohen had proven to be a lawyer with a ridiculous talent of twisting things. He'd already made Mehcad's reverend look like a clueless man. Montserrat wondered what he would attempt to do with her.

Rafael wondered the same thing.

"Your team arrested Willie Taylor two days after Mehcad was taken to the hospital?" Cohen made a slow walk towards the stand, eyes intensely on Montserrat.

"Yes," Montserrat nodded, intending on speaking slowly just in case Cohen intended on tricking her. "We linked him to the three open rapes on the West Side."

Cohen took a moment of pause before he asked the next question. "Detective, you just transferred into SVU, correct?"

"Objection," Rafael cut in with the same confusion Montserrat - and the rest of the squad for that matter - had. "The detective's duration in SVU has no relevance in this case."

"I am leading up to a point, your honor," Cohen simply explained, leaving an air of curiosity on just what point that was.

"Overruled," the judge ended up saying. She glanced at Montserrat and indicated the ginger had to answer.

"Yes, I transferred to SVU about four days ago."

"And this case has been open for about a week and a half meaning you've had to read files in order to catch up?"

"...yes. SVU is a very organized division, it didn't take long for me to know what the situation was."

"So you were like any other civilian reading details of a dangerous man in the streets raping women?"

"Well, I...I don't think so - I did what protocol demanded," Montserrat knew if she began to sound frantic or even upset it would give the jury a reason to doubt her assurances.

"But unlike the rest of your team, you only knew what you read - you never went out to the field to see evidence-"

"-I was out-"

"-you didn't meet with the victims-"

"-because I was out!"

"So in retrospect, weren't you almost like my client in that you only had what the media said about the rapist?" Cohen gestured back to Jolene sitting at her table.

Montserrat opened her mouth to answer in a snap but she crossed looks with Rafael who was narrowing his eyes on Cohen.

He'd figured out Cohen's motive.

Montserrat promptly closed her mouth and turned her attention back to Cohen. "No, I was not." Her calm response elicited a rather irritated response from the defense. Clearly, he wanted her riled up. "I am a trained detective. I know what I'm doing."

"As far as you knew, Detective, Mehcad Carter's appearance fit the rapist's profile due to the way he was dressed and he fact he followed my client, correct?"

Montserrat raised an eyebrow at the man. "You're asking me if he was a young, black male on a public sidewalk? That's your question?"

"Your honor," Cohen sounded like he was whining to his mother. Montserrat barely held herself from rolling her eyes when the judge ordered her to answer the question.

"Yes, based on what I read off the case files, he did fit the pattern."

"Based on what you read," Cohen repeated, pointing at Jolene again. "So you claim you're a trained detective - you know what you're doing - so how is it that with all your experience as a detective, you would want my client to figure out in a single minute that Mehcad was the rapist the media talked about when it took you and your team two days to figure it out?"

Montserrat knew that however she answered that she would fall right into Cohen's trap. He'd twisted her words to benefit Jolene and it worked. _Welcome to SVU indeed_.

~ 0 ~

"What just happened in there?" Nick was the first one to ask after they were released from court.

Montserrat was coming towards them with arms crossed and a rather restrained frown. "I let them fool a jury, that's what I did."

"It's not on you," Olivia tried to say but Montserrat shook her head.

"That guy made me start out as a detective with questionable skills-"

"-so you would defend yourself and give him the perfect opening to show that if a well trained detective took some days to figure a case out, what chances did Jolene have?" Rafael finished for her in one quick phrase.

Montserrat took his silence as him blaming her for being so naive. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize what he was going to get at-"

"-neither did I," and that's what irritated the hell out of Rafael. He was so focused on getting to the motive before Cohen could pull his trick and yet he'd failed. He'd only realized it just before Cohen went in with his trick. "It was an obscure trick, I should have realized it sooner. But it's not going to be the end."

"Any ideas?" Fin walked up beside him. "Preferably before I take the stand tomorrow?"

Montserrat dropped her hands to her sides and pointed an index finger at them. "I'll get back to you on that."

"Where are you going?" Amanda asked her just as the woman turned to leave.

"To get some new ammunition," Montserrat answered in the form of a promise. "Cohen thinks my skills are oh-so-grand so I'll just prove it with some valuable evidence."

"Liv, can I go with her?" Sonny's sudden request earned himself some curious looks from the team. "She's not in a good state," he shrugged. "I just meant-"

Olivia gave him the nod to go ahead. "Make sure she gets home...and maybe we should call Casey…"

"Don't," Rafael pointed a finger at her. "It might be productive if Novak actually finds something for us to use because Cohen really upped Jolene's innocence aura today."

That was a mutual agreement amongst them.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat took her promise very seriously. She returned to the station only to pick up her things and head home in order to work all night - comfortably - if she needed to. Of course, even with Sonny there, she wouldn't retract her intentions.

"We've been looking at these things, Montse. Trust me," Sonny thought it was a long shot since, as Montserrat once put it, she was still new to the team. Trust was earned slowly.

"Thanks for the words of encouragement but I just basically screwed Rafael's case over so I'm not stopping until I get something to help him," Montserrat stuffed her laptop into her bag.

"Trust us - sorry," Sonny shook his head and started anew, "He's had cases much worse."

Montserrat paused all of a sudden when an odd smile started worming its way across her face. "My God I'm awful," she mumbled and actually chuckled a bit.

"What?" Sonny watched her with curiosity. "How come you keep smiling like that? You do that a lot, actually."

"Inside joke," Montserrat left it at that and continued to take her belongings. "Listen, Sonny, I think it's nice of you to check up on me like this but it's not necessary. My last partner knew that when I got like this I was best on my own." And judging by her warm smile it didn't appear like it offended her in anyway.

"Well that was Homicide, but now you're in SVU," Sonny gestured to the bullpen as a reminder. "And we're a team here, but beyond that we're like family."

"Even when it's so clear some of you guys want to kill each other a lot of the time?"

"Isn't that like family?"

Montserrat laughed lightly. "Maybe. My brother and I can attest to it."

"You have a brother?"

Montserrat nodded her head. "Older brother. Gael and I get into arguments every once in a while that usually feels like we'll strangle each other."

Sonny laughed next as he thought about his own family. "I have several sisters and I'm pretty sure each one of them has had a reason to nearly bury me alive. But see? That's the point I'm trying to make. We're a weird little family but we help each other out, so…" he went back to his desk and picked up his own laptop. "Where do you want to work?"

Montserrat smiled.

~ 0 ~

When Kara entered her apartment, she was most looking forwards to a nice, relaxing bath. After a long day at the salon - that left her smelling like hair dye - she really just wanted to bathe, pull up Netflix and fall asleep on her bed. What she found on her way in was a much different expectation.

"What the hell happened to my living room!?" she shrieked at all the papers sprawled across the living room. She saw charger cables underneath her coffee table, one of them knotted by the couch. She got the whiff of coffee from the kitchen and groaned, throwing her head back. She almost dropped her shopping bags on the ground when she yelled, "Montserrat Irene Novak - what have you done to my apartment!?"

"Montse's middle name is Irene?" Sonny emerged from the kitchen with a coffee mug in hand.

Kara's eyes snapped open to see the stranger holding _her_ mug. She had half a mind to scold him but she very rapidly concluded he was _really_ good looking. "Who are you and should I call the cops or do whatever the hell you want?"

"I'm sorry," Sonny realized this must have been the roommate Montserrat mentioned earlier. He left his mug on the coffee table and walked up to Kara (who hadn't stopped staring at him since she'd seen him). "I work with Montserrat. I'm Dominick Carisi, but people just call me Sonny." He extended his hand to shake with hers but Kara slowly looked down at her hands occupied with bags. "Let me help you with that!" He took the bags out of her hands, flashed her a smile, and took them to the kitchen table.

 _Wow_ , Kara mouthed. Maybe being a detective wasn't so bad…

"You're Kara Mackie, right?" Sonny turned back to the staring woman. "Montse mentioned you-"

"-I did what?" Montserrat walked out of the hallway with her tablet in hand.

"That's my tablet," Kara frowned. "I was planning on Netflix tonight!"

"I just needed to open up a page my computer wouldn't," Montserrat waved a hand at her roommate, basically telling Kara to leave her alone.

"I have no idea what's going on," Kara bluntly said.

"Investigation, digging for details - that's a friend, Sonny," Montserrat once again waved her off. "Sonny, that's the roommate, blah, blah, blah!"

Kara raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm guessing the trial didn't go as planned?"

"Things went...a little wrong, but we're working on it," Sonny explained.

Kara immediately smiled at him. "Well, you can work here for as long as you want. I definitely feel safer with you around."

Montserrat looked up from her tablet to see Kara smirking and poor Sonny red-faced. "Don't you even dare, Kara Mackie."

"Whaaaat?" Kara leaned towards Sonny, her hands put together in front of her. "He doesn't mind keeping a defenseless civilian safe, right?"

"I-I don't," Sonny stuttered to respond, making Kara's smirk even wider. She had intense green eyes and a rather pretty smile. "It's my job, actually…"

"Would you like something to eat? I bet my rude roommate didn't even bother to offer you some dinner."

"Oh my God, you two quit it," Montserrat waved them off and cheered when the tablet finally loaded the PDF file she'd been waiting for. Her eyes skimmed a couple paragraphs before she cheered and jumped off the couch. "Sonny! I got something!"

"What is it?" Sonny apologized to Kara for leaving with a quick smile and hurried to see Montserrat's file.

"Something that'll put a sock in Cohen's little charade," Montserrat smirked.

~ 0 ~

Everything Montserrat and Sonny had found now laid in front of Rafael. His hand was placed right over it, his fingers tapping silently over it while they waited for Cohen to finish asking Jolene his questions. If he could get Jolene to trip over her own words, it could give the jury a reason to turn on her. Up until now they've only seen sweet, defenseless Jolene but now they held a piece of her true self.

It seemed like Jolene knew exactly what was coming to her because the moment Rafael got up from his seat, she straightened in her own seat. She'd been warned.

"Ms. Castille, you just said you love your black employees…?"

"I love all my employees. I have a gay Chinese assistant-"

"Good for you. But your black employees are the only ones that you refer to as 'field hands'?"

The direct question made Jolene pause for a moment, but even her answer came in the form of something made up on the spot."Well, that was blurted out during a moment of duress. It's a vestige of the way I was raised. I meant no disrespect."

Rafael nodded to every word she said as if he believed her. "And when you denied black employees the use of the dining room bathrooms, that was also just a vestige?"

"Our restaurants are about hospitality. I have never denied an employee a fair working environment, promotion."

"As long as they don't serve food to white customers or use their bathrooms?"

"Objection!" Cohen immediately cried.

"Mr. Barba, move on," the judge motioned the man to keep going. And he was going somewhere alright.

"The first Chez Jolene was in new Orleans. Did you carry a gun then?"

"No, there was no need."

"What, so you only started carrying a concealed gun in New York? Why is that?"

Jolene very discreetly leveled Rafael's challenging look with one of her own. "When I moved up here, I was a public figure. I felt more threatened."

"Because New York was less segregated than you're used to?"

"I didn't say that."

"But you did say in 'Les Bons Temps Magazine'..." Rafael went back for the file left on his table. Jolene watched him read off God knew what and wondered when her lawyer would step up. "You said ' _Nobody takes the subway in New York unless they have to. It's like a jungle train through the Congo'_."

"Everybody knows that was just a joke. A telling joke."

Rafael left the file to drop back on the table and turned back to Jolene. "On the night you saw Mehcad Carter, did you see a field hand, a jungle animal, or just a boy trying to make his way home?"

Cohen rose from his seat in outrage. "Objection-"

"No, I want to answer that," Jolene told the judge before the latter could say anything. "I saw a hooded man following me. I told him to back off, and he came through my gate."

Rafael could see she was beginning to cross into that frantic state. It was just a matter of pulling at the right strings. "So if it had been a white man who was walking behind you, would you have told him to get back? Would you have pulled your gun?"

"Objection!"

"If it was a white boy, I wouldn't have been afraid!" Jolene's outburst promptly came after successfully pulling the right string.

Rafael pretended to be surprised, even though he and the rest of the team knew it was just the woman's natural self. "So, let's be clear. Mehcad Carter didn't have to do anything. He didn't have to say anything. He just had to be a black boy standing on your sidewalk and that gave you the right to shoot him?"

Jolene's eyes flickered to the jury now staring at her like hawks. "That's not what I said…"

"Isn't it?" Rafael knew she wouldn't even try to argue her way out of that. If she did, she would just give the jury an even uglier side to see. Even he wished hard enough, it wouldn't be that easy. "Nothing further." He turned and headed back for his seat, but not before catching Montserrat smiling widely in her seat.

 _He was_ _**good** ,_ Montserrat thought.

~ 0 ~

Come Fin's testimony, the game was once again half and half. It didn't exactly benefit nor hurt either side, but it did mean the jury could go either way on their verdict. So, when the jury did return, everyone on both sides were anxious to know the decision made.

"In the matter of the people versus Jolene Castille, on the charge of manslaughter, how do you find?" the judge asked the woman speaking for the jury.

"We find the defendant not guilty."

"Hell no!" someone in the crowd immediately shouted, jumping to their feet. It started a whole commotion of the same outburst.

"Order! Order!" the judge banged her gavel to quiet them down. "Jolene Castille, you're free to go. The jury is dismissed. The state of New York thanks you for your service."

"How the hell did that happen?" Montserrat couldn't find the answer herself, and it didn't help that the first thing they saw was Jolene giving one interview while Mehcad's parents did another across her.

"A juror told me they were split on the first poll," Fin admitted, gaining several looks from his Squad.

"What happened?" asked Olivia.

"Fear won out."

"I'm sorry," Rafael's apology came in a blurt. He was looking directly at Jolene at the bottom of the courthouse stairs. It made him sick that she got to give interview where she could freely say she didn't do anything wrong.

"No. It's not on you," Fin meant to absolve him of guilt since it really was not their fault. Everyone knew they did their best; they gave Rafael the best they could and he himself did the best he could with the trial. "It's just how it is."

~ 0 ~

"The first case I got to work with in SVU and...we got a 'not guilty' verdict," Montserrat relayed the case and the trial to her therapist. Dr. Weslin had of course known about the trial thanks to the media, but Montserrat still gave her the details. "I worked hard - I mean, I was doubting myself 80% of the time...I actually thought maybe that's why we failed…"

"You mentioned that your squad got all the evidence they could," Weslin said as a reminder of reality. "You yourself went ahead and pulled out new evidence against Miss Castille. Do you truly believe you were the reason the jury gave a not guilty verdict?"

Montserrat remained quiet for a minute while she thought about it. "...I did, actually. I truly thought it was on me because...because of my testimony. The defense twisted my words and...it gave Jolene an upper hand."

"What made you change your mind, then?" Weslin was curious of what led Montserrat to completely change her mind on the matter. Ever since she started SVU she'd mentioned she was full of doubts.

A light smile appeared on Montserrat's face. Her gaze was to the side and it seemed like she was thinking of something else. "I...talked to someone…"

* * *

 **The night before:**

"I'm beginning to think this is a common thing for you," Montserrat motioned the bartender to come by then shifted in her seat to look at Rafael. He was nursing a glass of scotch, which also made Montserrat think it was his usual thing.

"You're learning," Rafael's light sarcasm was notice enough of his mood.

"Is this where everyone goes when they have a bad case?" Montserrat looked around the light-lit restaurant with some curiosity. "I've only ever been here a couple times since I moved to Manhattan. I might join the club." The silence between the two made her feel even worse.

The trial finished earlier in the day and it seemed like everyone had their own way of grieving. Montserrat didn't feel like bringing her sour mood to Kara - it wasn't Kara's fault after all.

"I'm sorry," Montserrat spoke after she'd gotten her drink. She gazed down at the glass, her hands firmly planted on either side of it. "I thought with the new evidence I gave you it would be enough to help after my oh-so-grand testimony. Clearly, I was wrong."

"Novak, this had nothing to do with your testimony," Rafael put down his glass and side-glanced her. Montserrat gave him a sharp look in return - she was new, but she wasn't stupid. Rafael sighed and amended his statement. "Fine, maybe it was part of an _overall_ reason. Each evidence, each testimony is like a puzzle piece. Every piece carries weight and sometimes it's a combination of all the pieces that'll become the reason for a verdict."

"It was the first case I got to work on after...after a while," Montserrat sighed. She swallowed hard as she really thought about her year. "I stopped working almost a year ago so...so when I showed up at SVU, I was out of sync with everything."

"Your self confidence took a dive for sure," Rafael picked up his glass to take a drink.

Montserrat shook her head at him. "Give me a break. I got pregnant, I went into a 12 hour labor period, I moved cities, I transferred into a whole new division, I...I was _not_ in my place. This case threw me off even more. I just wanted it to go well…"

"And I didn't help," Rafael sourly finished for her. "Sorry, Detective, that your first case was a not guilty-verdict one."

"It wasn't on you either," Montserrat sighed. No matter her feelings towards the case, she couldn't deny what she saw, and the truth was that she saw Rafael do everything he could to give Mehcad justice.

"Would you say that to your old ADA?"

Montserrat internally shuddered at the thought of her old co-workers. She propped an elbow on the counter so that she could rest her cheek on her hand. The smile that came to her face confused Rafael as he once again drank from his glass.

"What?" he frowned.

"The last ADA I worked with was talented, he was annoying but...decently talented. It took me awhile to see it, though," her story still answered no questions. "I'm talking _months_. With you, though, it took me about two days."

Now mildly interested, Rafael left his glass on the counter. "Why's that?"

"I was feeling...down, so I talked to Casey and I asked her how was her first case at SVU. Somehow, she mentioned you. Your first case you took from SVU."

Rafael gave a curt nod as he thought about that particular case. One of his hands instinctively came to rub his neck. He dropped his hand, though, the second he saw Montserrat smiling like she would laugh. "Is _that_ why you've been doing that!?"

"Guilty as charged," she raised her hands and finally got to laugh freely. "I can't believe you nearly got yourself choked with a belt - _your_ belt!"

"How unprofessional, Detective," he scowled at her. "I did a fine job with that case-"

"-yeah, you did," Montserrat agreed with the same determination he used to make his point. "I was impressed that someone would go to that extent to help give the victim justice. So, that being said, I _know_ you did what you could for this case. Maybe neither of us are at fault."

Rafael stared at her for a while. He learned straight off that she tended to switch through emotions - which, at first, he attributed to the fact she'd been pregnant - but for the first time, she seemed sure of things. "Detective, have you finally overcome your self confidence issues?"

Montserrat smiled and turned her head away. Her gaze found her untouched glass on the counter. The case really had been problematic from the start, and yes she did own up to her self issues. Part of her issues derived from her troublesome year but maybe it was time to start letting them go. She brought her forearms to once again rest over the counter, keeping her glass in the middle. "I do not lack self confidence."

Rafael noticed the change in her tone right away. Each time she went near that topic she was defensive, mad as hell. Now, it just seemed like she was correcting a mistake someone made. "I never thought you did." His admission confused Montserrat. He did, after all, practically shout it to her face. "Listen, Novak, you were getting dangerously close to doing something rash because of your first case. Casey talked to me and she told me things about you. I said what I said to get you to snap out of it. I've been here a year and it only took me the first case I took on from SVU to figure out the structure of the division."

"Clearly," Montserrat bit her lip to keep herself from laughing. Rafael playfully rolled his eyes.

"The cases will never be perfect, Detective," he began again, completely serious as he shifted in his seat to better face her. "Your choices will never be concrete and they most certainly will include doubt every once in a while. That being said, you shouldn't be doubting yourself at every corner. And, just to be clear, I don't believe you lack self confidence. As you once said-" he paused and pointed at her, correcting himself, "-well, shouted at me, actually, you _witheld_ labor during trial. Anyone who does that has absolutely no problems with confidence in my book."

Montserrat felt a warmth creep across her face. She took a moment to let the heat pass but when she saw Rafael still looking at her, it just came back. "Thank you," she smiled at him.

As she reached for her drink - to taste it for the first time - Rafael concluded she had a pretty smile.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

So sorry for the delay in updates! I was on vacation! :)


	7. A Detective's Business

Kara Mackie was a talented hairstylist and, in her opinion, a good friend. When she met Montserrat, the two were just being introduced to each other as their older brothers' little sisters. They were, essentially, dumped together so that the older brothers could have fun without having to babysit. Despite being different, Montserrat and Kara got along well in their teen days. Kara loved using Montserrat as her experiment for hair styles and nail designs - though Montserrat never let Kara come anywhere near her with scissors - and Montserrat just liked how carefree Kara was in general.

So, when Montserrat found herself in need of a temporary living arrangement, Kara was more than happy to offer an empty room in her apartment. She knew that Montserrat's brother was already occupied raising his two daughters on his own and Montserrat would probably feel more comfortable away from the hectic life that was parenthood. She didn't know what brought Montserrat to move to Manhattan since her brother and father lived in Queens, but Kara was happy to have her closest friend become her roommate.

After her surrogacy pregnancy, Kara expected Montserrat to be over the moon not having to deal with pregnancy in general. In Kara's opinion, it seemed to be doing more harm than good for Montserrat. There were times when Kara would catch Montserrat staring into nothing yet progressively getting tears or pale in the face. In a short time living together, Kara noticed Montserrat had strange ticks - she would do strange things and then give some bad excuse.

Tonight was one example. Kara had made dinner and decided it would be a Netflix night. Unfortunately, Montserrat never showed up.

She even called the SVU station and - though answered by that cute Detective Carisi - she didn't get much relief.

"Montse left two hours ago," Carisi explained, sounding just as confused as Kara was. "She hasn't come home?"

"No," Kara bit her lip anxiously. "I don't know where she is. She's not answering her phone and - oh my God, what do I do?"

"Hold on, hold on," Sonny cut in before she hyperventilated in some ramble of concerns. "It's only ten, so let's give her another hour. She may just be out or something. If she's not back by eleven, you give me another call, alright?"

"What if it's not you that answers?" Kara knew she'd dialed Montserrat's desk number and that was all she had to get in contact with Montserrat at work whenever the ginger didn't answer her cell phone. "I'm gonna have to explain all over again and that would be wasting time!"

Though she didn't see it, Sonny smiled on the other line. She'd raised her voice during her moment of concern and it was frankly amusing. "Don't worry, I'll give you my number. But try not to worry so much, Montse is probably out having a drink. We did handle another troubling case."

Kara wanted to believe in the cute detective's story. Just as she'd written down Sonny's number - and being promised that he would be attentive to her call - she heard the doorknob rattling from a key. Montserrat walked in a couple seconds later, looking perfectly fine.

"Oh, she's here! Thank you, Sonny!" Kara happily hung up and hurried up to her friend, throwing her arms around Montserrat. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Why were you talking to Sonny?" Montserrat scrunched her face in confusion as Kara practically bounced up and down while she hugged Montserrat. "And what do you mean you're glad I'm okay? Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Kara suddenly pulled away from Montserrat and glared. Without warning, she smacked Montserrat on the arm, ignoring the great big 'OW!' Montserrat gave. "Where the hell were you!? You said you come out of work at eight-"

"-conditional," Montserrat reminded as she rubbed her arm where Kara hit her. "Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. SVU is like that."

"Well, Sonny said you got out two hours ago so where the hell were you?" Kara crossed her arms.

Montserrat started taking off her coat, clearly avoiding Kara's gaze as she moved around the blonde. "I was...having some drinks with Casey."

"Really?" Kara turned after Montserrat but stayed in her spot.

Montserrat left her coat on the couch and dropped her bag on the floor. She glanced back at Kara and nodded her head. "Yes, why?"

"I called Casey after I called your brother, neither of them knew where you were."

Montserrat made a face at her roommate. "Don't you think you overreacted?"

"That is not the point!" Kara snapped, startling Montserrat. "You just lied to me! Where were you?"

"What does it matter?" Montserrat picked up her bag after deciding fast she wouldn't be having time out in the living room. "I was out."

"Montse, this is the 21st century, I could honestly care less if you met some guy and had a random quickie. The point is, you don't have to lie to me!"

Montserrat laughed. "First of all, that is _not_ what happened. Second of all, not everything I do is your business." Kara squeaked with offence. Montserrat snatched her coat from the couch and started for her bedroom. "Goodnight, Kara!"

She slammed her bedroom door shut, locking it in case Kara had intentions of continuing the fascinating argument. She walked to her bed and sat down then pulled out her phone. Her finger tapped the screen to bring it to life. She went straight to her gallery of photos and started swiping through the most recent ones she'd gotten. A light, warm smile started spreading across her face with each photo she saw.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat figured that the issue of her whereabouts would have been left at home with Kara, but apparently her co-worker was just as irritating as her roommate. Montserrat rued the day she gave Kara her work number, because thanks to her Sonny hounded Montserrat about the previous night. Even when they had so many cases to go through - a lot of which consisted of paperwork - she still couldn't free herself of the overbearing lanky man.

Montserrat dug her nails into her hair and groaned. "Carisi, please, for the love of God, leave me alone!"

Next to their desks, they heard Fin's low chuckle. Even Amanda was trying to hide her own smile behind her laptop. If Nick wasn't with Olivia in her office, he probably would've done something along the same lines.

"She was just worried," Sonny continued to reuse his excuse for his insistence of her whereabouts.

Montserrat let her hands drop to her desk. "Believe me, I know how Kara is. You don't have to follow her game."

"I'm only trying to help-"

"-I know," and Montserrat thought it was pretty clear that she found it incredibly annoying. "And you know what, I was going to have lunch with Casey who encouraged me to invite co-workers but now you're not allowed." Her wagging index finger at him was the first thing Olivia, Nick and Rafael saw as they emerged from Olivia's office.

That and Sonny's big scowl.

"What do you mean I'm not allowed?" the lanky man repeated with laced offence.

"Just what I said, Carisi," Montserrat pulled her coat from her chair to put on.

"Uh, what's going on?" Olivia's question was directed more towards Fin and Amanda since it was obvious they were both enjoying a show.

"Carisi's being annoying and Novak is close to popping," Fin's answer earned himself similar glares from the two detectives in question.

"I am not ready to pop," Montserrat spat.

"Kinda looks like it…" Amanda's input only further annoyed Montserrat.

"You know what-"

"- _okay_ ," Olivia started with her hand motion that Montserrat had come to learn was the beginning of the woman's attempt to calm everyone down. Olivia Benson was the mother hen type of woman. "Let's just calm down. We're in the middle of a case, remember? We need everyone to be working together if we want to catch the guy."

Beside her, Rafael was observing the group meant to collect all the evidence he would need later on. "This scene looks promising for success," his comment made Olivia sent him a sharp look. Here she was trying to calm things down and there he was poking holes.

"Sergeant, I'm really only trying to help," Sonny said before Montserrat loudly scoffed.

"You're in my business. And frankly, I don't know you that way yet. I don't know anyone here enough to talk about what I do after work."

"Is that what we're arguing about?" Rafael rolled his eyes. "This one's easy: Carisi, you're wrong. What she does after hours is none of our concern."

"Thank you! See? That's why I like him," Montserrat's moment of triumph was cut short because Rafael was not finished.

"And Novak, you're right, we don't know you enough to even _care_ what you do after work. Leave that at home. When you're here, you're here to _work_."

Olivia inwardly sighed but kept silent. It was brutal, but effective in clearing the air. Both detectives in question mellowed out.

"I'm taking my lunch," Montserrat made her final comment before pulling her bag over her shoulder and turning to leave.

"Guys, c'mon," Olivia motioned the remaining detectives to get on with their business. "We still need to talk find the Oswell girl and maybe re-canvassing the crime scene for that murder weapon wouldn't come by as bad. We need this done before the day's gone."

"Can we do the former while having lunch?" Finn asked but was already reaching for his desk phone to make the call to their trusty Chinese restaurant.

"Have I ever mentioned how much this squad radiates professionalism?" Rafael's joke was met with a deadpan look from Olivia.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat repeatedly sighed as she went through Kara's texts on her phone. She only looked up once to press the elevator button. Kara was as relentless as Sonny and it was frankly annoying. She wasn't used to all this coddling for something that concerned no one but her.

Her finger hovered over Kara's number. _God can't she just leave me alone?_ It suddenly felt like a perfect moment to visit her therapist. After all, Dr. Weslin was the only person she could really talk to about it.

She stepped inside the elevator and pushed the button for the first floor. She leaned her back against the wall and had about two seconds to take a deep breath in and out. Before the elevator door was able to slide shut, someone stuck their shoe in.

Rafael smiled as soon as he could at Montserrat. "Detective," he greeted and walked in. Montserrat said something and merely looked to the side. He pressed the first floor button then stepped back beside her.

Not a second later did Montserrat's phone start buzzing. Kara's name flashed across her screen. Very swiftly, Montserrat slid the ignore option and turned the screen to black. Though she tried - and she really did - to stay quiet, she just couldn't.

"I _do_ my work," she said, putting in her best effort to not sound defensive. "I know how to be professional."

"Okay," Rafael shrugged and said nothing more.

Montserrat shifted in her spot, keeping her gaze on the closed doors. "I _do_."

"Alright."

Montserrat had no idea what was driving her, but whatever it was it made her mouth keep going. "...I _am_ professional, alright? And just so you know, I wasn't doing anything bad-"

Rafael chuckled and side-glanced her. "Why are you telling me?" his amusement made her feel even more out of place.

"I don't know," she huffed and looked away.

The elevator doors pinged as they slid open. Rafael motioned Montserrat to go out first, and despite her huff, she headed out.

"Detective?"

Montserrat stopped and turned back. "Yes?"

"In my experience, Carisi can be exceptionally persistent - which in this line of work is a good thing - but he usually means well."

"I...know that," Montserrat sighed. It only took her a week to know that every member of SVU was a good person. "But there are some things about my life that I don't want to share. Simple as that."

"I understand. I wouldn't want anyone prying into my life," Rafael stuffed his hands into his pants' pockets. "I don't need explanations, Novak. I just need you to work like the rest."

Montserrat nodded her head. "I will. Now if you'll excuse me, I have lunch pending with my cousin. You might know her." She caught a brief glimpse of his smile before continuing on her way out.

"I do, and I should warn you she's stuck in a hostage situation," Rafael's revelation made her stop once again. "Making plea deals is kind of her afternoon today."

"Great," Montserrat rolled her eyes.

Now it was Rafael's turn to shift, and he didn't even know why. He didn't exactly have plans - it was actually one of the rare slow days ADAs could only dream of - and he did know of Casey's plans. There was also the fact Montserrat was still new to the city and the squad. _Why am I making so many reasons_?

"I know a good place, if you're interested?" he pulled one hand from his pockets and hesitated towards the entrance doors of the building. Montserrat's questionable look was understandable. "Don't want you to fall back on that self confidence issue we talked about two weeks ago."

Montserrat involuntarily smiled. "I will not because as we established I am a badass. And what kind of place you have in mind?"

"Ironically, Italian."

"Oh my God," Montserrat languidly turned for the doors.

"He follows," Rafael sarcastically said as walked towards the doors.

"I'm not telling you where I went," Montserrat warned him, but it didn't seem to do much to him.

"Wasn't gonna ask," he smiled.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat's phone continued buzzing even as she focused on the delicious Alfredo sauce of her pasta. With a groan she reached for her phone in her bag and pulled it out to once again see Kara's name on her screen.

"Here's an idea - and I usually come up with good ones - but why not go ahead and answer?" Rafael put his fork down for a moment. He wouldn't say but it was rather annoying to continuously hear the phone buzz. At least his non-stop buzzing were answered on the spot.

Montserrat deadpanned him while her thumb pressed the off button of her phone. "Your sarcasm gets tiring after a while. And you said you wouldn't start like Carisi did."

"I'm not. But, just for reminder's sake, Kara's the one from the bar right?" Rafael barely hid his smile as he recalled the blonde drunk.

"She's my roommate," Montserrat nodded. "Temporary living situation while I find my own place in the city."

"Casey mentioned you had an older brother in the city…?"

"Queens. And he's got a load with his two girls. I was _not_ going to enter that kind of world."

Rafael made a face at her. "That kind of world?" he repeated with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"The world of single parenthood, preschool, and teenagehood," Montserrat sarcastically shuddered.

"Right," Rafael agreed there and then it was probably easier to deal with that from a distance. "You didn't opt to stay with Casey?"

"No room," Montserrat picked up her fork to continue eating. "Plus, Kara's an old friend. I thought it would be fun."

"And is it?"

Montserrat's fork stopped just an inch from her mouth. He was smirking again. My god she learned to hate it but at the same time it gave her a type of thrill that she couldn't quite explain. _Never let Kara know that_. "I plead the fifth."

"Okay," Rafael laughed lightly. Her choice of words usually made him laugh even when he didn't want to.

He learned in a short time that Detective Montserrat Novak was a woman who would go the extra mile to get evidence, to make a case work, and - often - she went an extra mile just to pull at his strings. Still, he admitted she pulled the right ones. He wasn't sure what that meant exactly - he was still trying to figure that out - but she didn't irritated in the way most people did. Even when she did manage to irritate him, it didn't last typically long. He wondered if it was just because of her unique start in SVU, and even backtracking to her first appearance in Manhattan.

"So do you just have random lunches with the squad?" Montserrat unknowingly brought him back to the present. She was back to eating and by the looks of it, she really did love the pasta. "Because I have to tell you, they have a lot of things to say about you."

A smirk came automatically to Rafael's face. "I bet they do. How bad is it?"

Montserrat shook her head at him. "Oh no, I am staying quiet. I'm new here and the last thing I want is to make enemies."

"I won't say a word," his promise seemed more or less honest. Montserrat didn't really take him for a man to care about others opinions. He wouldn't be able to work as a lawyer if he did.

Montserrat cleared her throat as she remembered the last thing she heard about him. "You're a pain in the ass, basically. And, on occasion, you're an extra type of a royal pain in the ass." She watched him carefully as he took in the comments.

"Let me guess, Fin?" he ended up responding with. He knew he guessed right when her lips stretched into a wide smile.

"Amanda thinks you get the job done but she honestly, firmly, believes that you don't like anything."

"That's not true," Rafael leaned forwards on the desk, rather serious that Montserrat believed he would be upset about Amanda's comment. "I love putting people in jail."

She laughed and made a hand gesture to the side. "Of course that's your argument."

"It's the truth," he shrugged and returned to his plate.

"I know. I've seen you, remember?" she paused then leaned forwards like he had. A devious smile came to her face. "The belt?"

He let his fork drop to his plate and garnered a deadpanning expression. " _Stop_." But even after repeating it twice he could not stop her from laughing. That was another thing he learned about her: she _loved_ to laugh. He admitted she had a nice laugh, but sometimes it was unnecessary. Like this moment.

"Oh, I am never letting that go," Montserrat's warning was a promise and Rafael knew it. "You can thank Casey for that."

Judging by the look on his face, Rafael would've liked to do something else. Still, he let the matter go, though fully aware it wouldn't be the last time he heard about the stupid belt.

Later on when Montserrat checked her phone - more or less to dodge one of Kara's calls - she noticed she had a message from Olivia. "Oh, we may have caught a breakthrough in the case. Liv wants me back at the precinct."

"And you're going back with the intention of _working_ right?" Rafael smirked when the woman mockingly glared at him. "I'm only checking."

"Mhm, sure," she shook her head and pulled her bag onto her lap. "Thanks for showing me this place. I only know about three places and one of them is just a cafe shop."

"You're welcome. I hope you cooled down enough to rem- you don't have to pay," he had stopped her just as she'd taken out her wallet. She raised an eyebrow at him, as if asking if he was serious. "I got it, alright?"

"What? You can't take a woman who pays for her lunch?"

Her mild joke hadn't sat well with him. Rafael frowned and put a hand on the table, motioning her to listen well to him. "Listen, Novak, I've got no fragile ego. I've got no problem if a woman wants to pay for lunch or dinner or whatever the case is but in this situation _I_ invited you and as they say ' _él que invita paga'_."

Montserrat's expression was a mixture of confusion and amusement, for she had no idea what just happened. "Okay. Um, could you...could you repeat that last part?"

Rafael mellowed out as she gave no indication of wanting to argue it out. "Whoever makes the invite pays," he translated. It was simple really, whoever invited someone to lunch paid. It had nothing to do with who was the man and who was the woman. Simply courtesy. "I invited you, therefore I pay."

"...sounds fair," she shrugged then noticed his surprise of how easy he'd won. "I've got no fragile ego either, Mr. Barba," she smirked. Her phone buzzed on the table, reminding her work was pending. "But I do have a boss, so…"

Rafael laughed. "Of course. And, not that I'm prying or anything…" he paused to smile, or rather it came without his permission, "Despite meeting Kara while she was drunk, I imagine if she is a childhood friend then she was honestly worried. You don't have to tell her anything - no one is owed nor entitled to anyone's secrets - but maybe a good talk might make her leave you alone."

"As long as you're not prying," Montserrat mimicked his tone before laughing. "But I will take that into consideration. Thank you." She got up from the table and was about to go but momentarily stopped beside the table. "They're wrong you know. You're not a royal pain in the ass. You're only mild one."

"That's good to know," Rafael pretended to be oh-so-relieved over the admission. She rolled her eyes and took off.

Montserrat genuinely felt a lot better when she stepped out of the restaurant. Her shoulders felt lighter and the closer she got to the precinct. On her way towards the building, she spotted the tall figure of Nick who seemed to be talking on the phone.

"Yes, Zara, I promise I will pick you up," he laughed. "No, I won't forget. Alright, goodbye sweetie."

Montserrat moved up to him when he hung up the phone. "Hey," she greeted him.

"Oh, hey, back from lunch?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean to overhear, but sounds like you've got plans tonight," Montserrat shot him a teasing smile.

"Oh, no! I was talking to my daughter, Zara. She's coming into the city and she was afraid I would forget to pick her up," Nick laughed. As if he would ever forget his daughter.

"My bad," Montserrat made a face. She thanked him when he opened the door for her then walked right in. "I didn't know anyone in the squad had kids."

"Uh, yeah - well, it's just me and Fin but Fin's son is an adult and Zara's only eight."

"I didn't know that," Montserrat became pensive while they waited for the elevator. She actually didn't know much about her co-workers. She didn't expect to know every last detail about them since it'd only been two weeks since she started at SVU but she supposed she hadn't exactly made a move to actually get to know anyone.

It seemed like Nick picked up on where her thoughts were. He was knowingly smiling at her as they walked into the elevator. "You could ask questions, you know. We don't bite."

"But I bet someone thinks I will," Montserrat's guilty carried into the station with her. She walked up to her desk and dropped her purse over it. As she began to shake off her coat, someone cleared their throat behind her.

"Novak, I would like to wave my white flag," Sonny stood with a white box in his hands. Montserrat was already fairly amused with the way he was shifting so she let him continue on. "Barba was right earlier…"

"Yeah, he seems to be…" Montserrat mumbled and Sonny nodded.

"What you do outside of work is none of my concern." He held the white box between them and opened the lid. "As a sign of my surrender, I brought-"

"-dessert?" Montserrat chuckled after peering into the box. "What are those?"

The question might have seemed like blasphemy for Sonny. "What!?" he almost shrieked, further amusing her. "You don't know what cannoli are!? Montserrat Irene Novak-"

"-when did you learn my middle name?" frowned Montserrat but Sonny was far too gone to listen.

"You need to sit down and try one right now! I can't have you walking in the city without knowing what a cannoli tastes like!"

Montserrat knew everything would be alright between them after that, even more so when she decided cannolis were _delicious_.

~0~

Kara shifted on the couch when she heard the apartment doorknob turning. She forced her gaze onto the television where she had Netflix turned on. From the corner of her eyes she saw Montserrat walking in holding a bag in one hand. Montserrat pulled her coat off and left it draped over a kitchen chair.

The ginger woman cleared her throat as she turned to Kara. "Hey...can we talk?"

Despite really wanting to say 'yes' a sour scoff came through Kara's lips. "Dunno, you gonna ignore my last twenty calls?"

"Seventeen," Montserrat blurted the accurate amount, soon receiving a glare from Kara. "Sorry."

Kara pulled her legs onto the couch and draped her blanket over her. "You can watch the Office with me."

Montserrat took that as a green light for talk. She came to the couch, put the white bag over the coffee table and sat down next to her roommate. She briefly watched the television before she started off with her excuse. "I'm sorry, Kara. I overreacted last night and I continued to be an extraordinary bitch all day today."

Kara reached for the control on the coffee table and paused the show. She glanced at Montserrat and saw the ginger looked genuinely sorry. "Montse, I didn't mean to bombard you. I just got worried."

"I know," Montserrat nodded.

"You've been doing this a lot lately. You just go somewhere and you don't say what it is that you're doing."

Montserrat nodded again, acknowledging that perhaps wasn't the best way to do things. "Kara, I can't tell you where I go. It's...it's _my_ thing, alright? I'm not - I'm not ready."

"Is it something bad?" Kara set a hand on Montserrat's arm. Whatever Montserrat was off doing didn't look to be easy for her. "I know you're seeing a therapist...is it that?" She was fully aware that Montserrat had been seeing a therapist for some time now but Kara never asked what it was about. It wasn't her business, after all.

Montserrat fiddled with her fingers on her lap. There was a clear strain on her face. "No, um…" even her voice had gone quiet, to a whisper, "It's just something that I have to do - that I want to do."

"Okay," Kara nodded. She comfortingly rubbed her hand on Montserrat's arm. "I won't ask again. Just...give me a heads up so I know that you're okay. I mean, you're a Detective for God's sake. You know how many crazies would want to go at you?"

Montserrat quietly chuckled. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Thank you," Kara threw her arms around her roommate and grinned. "See how easy things can be when you sit down and talk to me?"

Montserrat wriggled in Kara's tight hold. "Yeah, yeah, I was a bitch, I know."

"An extraordinary bitch," Kara laughed and sat back in her spot. "I'm surprised you change minds in one day. Usually when you get into one of your moods, it's a minimum three day streak."

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes to the side. "I had some help."

"God bless them and their talent," Kara noticed the white bag on the coffee table. "Ooooh, what's that? Peace offering?"

"Yeah, but they're not mine," Montserrat watched as Kara pulled out the white box from the bag, opening its lid to see leftover cannolis inside. Kara didn't even hesitate to pick up one pastry and bite into it. "See, I was a bitch to everyone today, more so Sonny since he kept asking me about last night."

"So he bought these for you?" Kara's words were muffled due to her chewing. When Montserrat nodded to confirm, Kara groaned and tilted her head back. "God that guy's a complete package."

"You don't even know him!"

"Honey, with the face that man has I don't need to know him," Kara made a pass with her free hand. She went inside the bag to pull out a napkin for herself.

Montserrat took another cannoli and looked around for the remote control. "Two weeks ago you were hounding me for a meet with Rafael and now you're onto my partner. Is there no stopping you?"

Kara's wide smirk was answer enough. "Don't worry, I'm a one-man type of a girl. And the Italian-" she raised her half eaten cannoli, "-wins. Besides, the lawyer met me while I was drunk. I was at my worst and first impressions are everything."

"Please stop," Montserrat laughed and nodded towards the television. "Let's just watch Jim screw with Dwight and forget about detectives and lawyers and everything else."

"Except the cannolis."

"Sure."


	8. A Joker's Way

At the D.A.'s building, it was pretty much an established rule that quietness be a constant thing so that all employees could work at their best. Needless to say that a four year old girl running down a corridor, shouting for her aunt, wasn't the best way to get work done.

"Aunt Montse! Aunt Montse!" the brunette girl ran straight into Detective Novak's arms. Her big, blue eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Hey, Ivana!" Montserrat chuckled as she spun her niece around in a hug. "How's my favorite niece doing?"

Ivana Novak was eager to show a smile for her aunt. "I helped aunt Casey clean her office!"

"Clean her office?" Montserrat repeated with less enthusiasm and more suspicion. She glanced to see the ADA herself while she was closing her office door.

Ivana nodded her head. "I did a good job!"

Casey turned to meet the two with a less than happy expression. "You're late," she practically spat at her cousin. She didn't even wait to hear what Montserrat had to say and just started heading for the entrance doors.

"Hey! Nice to see you too!" Montserrat called and went after Casey, though holding Ivana like she was an infant made her slower.

"Stop yelling," Casey hissed. "And put her down. She's four!"

"And a half!" Ivana reminded with a chuckle.

Montserrat knew Casey also had a soft spot for Ivana so she didn't understand why Casey was being so...extra lawyer rude. The Novaks weren't known for their big families. Ivana and her older sister were but the few third generation Novaks in the city.

"Hey, I got here as fast as I could. I do have a job," Montserrat's reminder didn't help her.

Casey whirled around, nearly bumping into her and Ivana. "You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago. I have court today!"

"I'm sorry-"

"-Gael said you would be here on time that's why I told him I could pick her up," Casey briefly looked at the four year old who was watching both women's expressions.

"I'm sorry," Montserrat was also aware Ivana was watching them. The last thing they wanted was for the girl to tell her father all about her aunts arguing in front of her. "I had to talk to Liv first and there was traffic."

Casey of course knew Montserrat wouldn't purposely make her late for court, but it didn't mean it was less annoying. "Gael needs to hire a babysitter. Full time."

"I don't want a babysitter," Ivana frowned. "Jules says they'll be mean."

"Your sister lies," Casey bluntly revealed to her. Montserrat disapprovingly shook her head but that didn't stop Casey from continuing. "Next time she says that, tell her aunt Casey will put her in jail for lying."

"Oh, Casey!" Montserrat had to draw the line but Casey just smiled while Ivana giggled behind her hand.

"I really gotta go," the ADA soon reminded them. "Tell Gael I'll talk to him later."

"Bye aunt Casey!" Ivana waved with her hand that wasn't looped around Montserrat's neck. "Next time I come I can show you my drawings right?"

Casey's thin eyebrows shot upwards while a tight smile spread across her face. "Sure thing."

"You are awful," Montserrat notified the woman before she left.

Ivana waved Casey until she'd left through the doors. "Are you going to babysit?" she scrunched her face at Montserrat. "Because I don't need a babysitter."

Montserrat laughed quietly. "Right. I forgot you were fifteen, as New York law states only then can a child stay at home on their own."

Ivana tilted her head at at her aunt. "What?"

"C'mon, grandpa will be watching you."

Ivana beamed and clapped her hands. "Grandpa!? I'll show him all my drawings I made at school!"

"Yeah, I bet he'll be a lot nicer than your aunt Casey was," Montserrat knew her father was a sucker for children. It was why he catered to his only two granddaughters like there was no tomorrow.

"Novak!" Rafael's call stopped her just as she'd opened the building's door. "I didn't know you were here but Olivia called..." He was coming towards her in a hasty stride but trailed off when Montserrat turned around and he saw Ivana still clinging to her. "Oh look, a child." Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes at him. "Why are you holding a child?" Rafael saw no parent around and he would remember if a co-worker had a daughter.

"Because said child is my niece and why do you call her 'child' like that?" Montserrat asked with bemusement. "Her name's Ivana and she's my niece. Ivana, say hello to my friend, Rafael."

Ivana wiggled her fingers at him and dutifully greeted him. "Hi! You dress funny like aunt Casey."

"Shhhh…" Montserrat gently lowered Ivana's head to rest on her shoulder. Rafael's lips stretched into an amused smile at the little girl. Montserrat awkwardly cleared her throat and of course excused her niece. "She thinks formal dressing is funny. Four year olds, what can we do. Is there something you needed?"

"Uh, yeah, for everyone to _work_ ," Rafael's expression told her this should've been obvious to her. Still, he figured she had something else to do at the moment.

"You're a workaholic, and I say that with care," Montserrat sarcastically said. "I'll be back later after I drop this one off."

"My name is Ivana," the girl in question purposely pronounced her name in a slow manner.

"Looks like someone else isn't amused by your sarcasm," Rafael smiled at Ivana who looked dead serious in her correction.

"Yeah, yeah, form a team why don't you," Montserrat rolled her eyes. "I have to go. Olivia was understanding and kind enough to give me some time off."

"Is everything alright?" Rafael found himself asking when she turned for the door. Since she had Ivana still clinging onto her, he moved forwards and opened the door for her.

"Yes, yes, my brother's babysitter just quit on him and he couldn't pick Ivana up from preschool," Montserrat finally put Ivana down after stepping out of the building. It was a windy day and she didn't want to trip with her niece on account of some hair strands getting in her face.

"I go to school in the morning and then Caitlin picks me up. And today I wrote my Daddy a letter with pictures that I drew - you wanna see?" Ivana proudly said, her hands reaching for her backpack's straps over her shoulders.

Despite knowing how the four year girl's drawings must look, Rafael still gave her a surprised reaction. "I'm betting they're great and your dad's going to love them, but I have to go."

"Where?" frowned Ivana.

"My work just called me so next time, okay?" he looked down at Ivana and offered his best smile for her. "You could even give them to your aunt Montse - or Casey - since I work with both of them."

"Ivana, next time," Montserrat tugged on the girl's hand, shooting Rafael a thankful smile. She didn't think him to have much patience with kids after seeing him in court a couple times. Even when he was at the precinct he showed very little patience with the squad.

"Okay," Ivana sighed like any four year old would when she didn't get her way.

Montserrat turned Ivana for the street, holding onto the girl's hand tightly. "I'll see you and the squad later."

Rafael nodded and let her go. He watched as she took Ivana down the stairs while the little girl rambled on no doubt about that letter with drawings. A smile came back to his face without thinking.

~0~

"Grandpa!" Ivana's shouts filled her living room the moment Montserrat had opened the door of her brother's apartment.

A tall, ginger-haired man took Ivana into his arms. Thomas Novak was always happy to see one of his granddaughters. "My girl!"

"Aunt Montse said you were going to babysit me today!" Ivana planted a kiss on her grandfather's cheek.

"She told the truth," Thomas smiled at his daughter. He straightened up on his feet and hugged Montserrat. "Hi sweetheart."

"Hi, Dad," Montserrat smiled and hugged her father back. Ivana rushed towards the sofa to get her backpack and sweater off.

"It's been a long time, Montse," Thomas pulled away from her daughter and gave her a knowing look. Montserrat did her best to just smile awkwardly and keep it all under the ruse of work getting in the way. "It's been almost a year, Montserrat," his voice turned sharp just like it usually would whenever Montserrat or her brother would be getting in trouble.

"You know my line of work is a very busy one," Montserrat shrugged casually.

"Grandpa! Look!" Ivana had returned holding a paper over her head. "I wrote a letter for my Daddy! Do you want to see it?"

Thomas bent down in front of the girl. "Grandpa will see everything you did today at school, but first let me talk to your aunt Montse. Why don't you go wash your hands so we can have lunch, okay?"

Ivana nodded her head and ran back to the living room to leave her letter then headed for the hallway.

"Dad, I can't stay to talk much. My boss only gave me some time to make the drive to and back," Montserrat started making her way for the door but she knew she'd been crazy to think her father would let her leave so easily.

As a single parent, Thomas Novak had to develop a strict parenting dynamic to take care of his two kids back then. Despite them now being adults, it seemed like he still had to hang onto that tactic. "Montserrat, you've moved three times in this year. What was that all about?"

"Just...wanted a new change," Montserrat shrugged once again.

"You left your job in Queens - that was a great job, wasn't it?" Something twisted in Montserrat's face. Thomas picked up on it in that instant. It was as if disgust couldn't fill her eyes fast enough. "Wasn't it?" he asked again, but Montserrat only shrugged. "Montserrat, you'll have to do more than just shrug. I am asking you questions-"

"-Dad, I just wanted a change! I'm 29 going on 30 soon. It's just a midlife crisis," Montserrat laughed on purpose to throw her father off.

It seemed to work because Thomas laughed afterwards. "Sweetie, that happens when you're forty."

"The '2' will change into a '3'. It hits _now_ ," Montserrat pointed an index finger down. She soon garnered a smile and shook her head. "Dad, seriously, I just wanted to change jobs. I liked SVU before and now that I'm actually working there...I do like it."

"Where are you living now?"

"With Kara Mackie. You remember her, right?"

"Yeah, her brother was the one with the massive hair, right?"

Montserrat laughed. "Damian had nice hair."

"Too long if you asked me," huffed her father, but Montserrat shook her head.

"Dad!"

"Fine, fine. But Kara...you alright there? I'm sure Gael wouldn't mind giving you a space here. Or I could even help you-"

"Dad," Montserrat put her hands on her father's shoulders, looking him in his dark eyes, "Gael has no rooms here and we're not going to even discuss putting Ivana and Jules in the same bedroom - they'd both end up dead before the night - and you don't have another room. Plus, Kara's in Manhattan and it's a lot easier to get to work from there."

Thomas could agree with that logic. Still, it didn't mean he liked it. "I've never had you so far away."

"C'mon, Dad. Manhattan is like right next door…" Montserrat trailed off when her father gave her a look. "Alright, but it's not far, really. I like living with Kara and I'm still searching for a place of my own anyways."

"I don't like having my only daughter out in the next city!"

"Oh but I bet you wouldn't be putting up all this if it was Gael," Montserrat playfully crossed her arms.

"You're my little girl-"

"-I'm 29!"

Thomas put his hands up in defeat, but he still added a minute later, "You can be fifty and still be my little girl."

Montserrat laughed lightly. "Alright, Dad, I gotta go. My boss is incredibly understanding but I'm still new so I don't want to push it."

"I'll be stopping by, don't you think I'm gonna leave you unsupervised," Thomas' warning didn't surprise Montserrat. She just nodded and told him he was welcomed any time (with a proper heads up).

~ 0 ~

"Hey, where've you been?" Fin asked when Montserrat returned to SVU later in the day.

"Dropping off my niece back in Queens," Montserrat pulled her coat off and draped it on the back of her desk chair.

"So your niece - which goes to a school in Queens - was brought here and then you brought her back home...in Queens?" Nick swayed his head as he thought about all the travelling that was entailed.

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes at him. "My brother's babysitter quit this morning without a decent amount of notice. Casey was already in Queens so she just brought her to the DAs until my Dad could get out of work and take care of her."

"Your sister-in-law couldn't take care of her?" Fin question made Montserrat sigh.

"She died last year," Montserrat noticed the guilt that immediately filled the two detectives. "Oh, I didn't mean that as something to make you feel bad. Laurel was in accident and...my brother's trying his best but raising two girls on his own isn't easy."

"I can get that," Nick gave a light shrug, now instigating Montserrat to question him with a look. "I'm divorced. Zara comes to visit me on weekends and sometimes weekdays but even then...being on my own, it's difficult."

"I try to help where I can so I just took Ivana home," Montserrat looked around for Sonny and Amanda but she only noticed Olivia speaking with a young woman in the interview room. "Did I miss something? I thought we'd interviewed the witnesses from the flower shop already…?"

"Oh no, that's a done deal," Fin exchanged smirks with Nick. "Barba had a Christmas day with that case."

"A first solid case, that's grounds for celebration," Montserrat agreed.

"Unfortunately this _is_ SVU and we don't ever get to celebrate," Nick said, moving onto the new case at hand. "Liv's already got Carisi and Rollins questioning the guys."

"So we already have the statement?" Montserrat took a seat at her desk and wiggled her fingers for the information she needed to learn the new details of the case.

"Olivia's just making sure Renée knows what we're going to do next."

As it turned out, Renée's case was complicated from the very origin point of the attacker. When Renée was gone, the remaining detectives along started researching on the man Renée blamed her assault on.

"This guy is disgusting," Montserrat crinkled her nose after only watching a video of Josh Galloway for a minute. "Josh Galloway actually makes a living off telling rape jokes?" Her stomach churned as she thought to the beginning of the year. This man was rich because he decided to make fun of one of the most horrendous acts humans can do?

"According to many - and I mean _many_ \- magazines, he's one of the top comedians," Nick had decided to make his own research away from videos and just stuck to articles online.

"Society is screwed up," Montserrat decided Nick had the right idea and closed her laptop for the moment. "And that man, yeah, I despise him."

"Renée claims that if it wasn't for this guy, the two guys who assaulted never would have acted," Fin looked back at the notes Olivia left for them. "She says he actually egged them on after she made a disruption to protest."

"Can we lock him up? Please tell me we can lock him up," Montserrat's wishes were heard by the Sergeant who was coming out of her office looking none too pleased.

"According to Barba, that can't happen because of the first amendment," she slipped her phone into her pants pocket.

"I revoke my like," Montserrat walked back to her desk.

"There's nothing we can do?" Nick asked, sounding a bit doubtful that this was the ending of Renée's case.

Olivia swayed her head while she considered the options. "Maybe we can decide that after we talk to Galloway himself."

Olivia Benson was never one to waste time. She took Fin with her to visit Josh Galloway and at least warn him he was on SVU's watch.

~0~

"Hey, fancy meeting you here," Kara laughed as Montserrat crossed the doors of her salon. Montserrat looked around and saw Kara was just cleaning up after a day's work. "Looking for a trim?" Kara grabbed scissors from a table and zipped in the air.

Montserrat grabbed both ends of her hair and took a step backwards. "Not tonight I don't."

"I bet you'd look hot with a haircut…"

"Are you saying I don't look hot right now?"

Kara smirked and put the scissors down. "Alright, alright. Give me a second so I can finish. I didn't expect you to stop by."

"I wasn't," Montserrat admitted, stuffing her hands inside her pockets. "It's just there's this guy we're keeping an eye on and my Sergeant got the idea to actually go watch one of his shows. And I said no, so I'm here."

"She just let you go?"

"She's cool like that."

Kara chuckled. She hadn't met Olivia, or really anyone else besides Sonny and Rafael (if a drunken moment even qualified) but she had heard various things about each member. "So who's your guy?"

"Some comedian, Josh Galloway, who makes rape jokes for a living. We think him and his act from two days ago is responsible for a girl being assaulted by two of his fans."

Kara stopped to show her disgusted face. "Ugh. I hate that guy."

Montserrat paused and stared at her roommate. "How do _you_ know him?"

"He's been on talk shows and he's one of society's most eligible bachelors."

"You have got to be kidding me," Montserrat actually felt sick. How could this man ever be considered something else than a prude and a vile creature.

"Wish I was," Kara passed the ginger to put away a couple of hair sprays inside a cabinet piece. "But even then, can an comedian be held responsible for how an audience responds to his material?"

Montserrat hated the question because it was the same reason why Rafael wasn't helping them at the moment. She knew it rang a truth that no one could deny but it was just something Josh was using to keep his act alive. "He's using his right of free speech to egg these people on. He has to be stopped."

"It's not like I don't know that," Kara sarcastically said while dumping a couple hair brushes into a plastic bin. "But won't that be tricky?"

"So tricky that our ADA practically laughed in my Sergeant's face when she told him they were going to one of Josh's shows."

Kara had her own mini-laugh at the thought of that. "Yeah, he does the seem the type…"

Montserrat shrugged. Olivia had been kind enough to give the detectives the option of coming along to see Josh's show. Montserrat felt her stomach churn just at the thought of stepping into a place that condoned jokes like Josh's.

"You want to have dinner out today? A customer recommended it today," Kara went straight for the counter to collect her belongings. "It's a little French restaurant with a dessert menu consisting of brownies."

"You had me at brownies," Montserrat nodded for the doors in a hurry.

Kara laughed. She knew Montserrat would agree just by hearing the name of her favorite dessert. "Alright, Montse. Let me take you out tonight."

"Taking me on a date?" Montserrat put a hand over her chest, dramatically happy.

"Platonic. Sorry honey, you're not my type," Kara swung her keys around her index finger. "You need to be five inches taller, Italian, a man, and have a cute little accent."

Montserrat let her head hang in shame on behalf of her roommate when she figured Kara meant Sonny. "Please leave my co-worker alone."

"It's free game until he says no," Kara passed her with a triumphant smirk. She pushed her blonde hair behind her shoulders and adjusted her red coat. She pushed open the doors of the salon and turned to Montserrat, nodding her to go already. "C'mon. My treat."

Montserrat never turned down free food, especially when there were brownies involved.

~0~

At least the visit to Galloway's show hadn't been a waste. A young woman, Carly, had stepped forwards with an accusation against Josh Galloway himself. Unfortunately, even with the preliminary evidence - while awaiting for co conclusive evidence - there still wasn't enough to start a real case.

"Nick, any luck on tracking those gift bags?" Olivia stopped by the Detective's desk while he was conducted a search on his computer.

"Well, it'd be a lot easier if we had his business records," Nick's sourness was shared by the rest of the detectives.

"Why is Barba seriously being this difficult?" Montserrat could've answered her own question but Amanda spoke up first.

"Get used to it," the blonde detective gave a brief smile before returning to her work.

Montserrat made a tilt of her head upon finding something that could potentially be useful for them. "Listen, out of the 120 bookings Josh had in the last year, he only cancelled one," her eyes squinted a bit as she skimmed along her screen. "It was in Albany. Now, the student union guy was pissed off, said that the police held him up at his previous gig in New Paltz."

Interested, Olivia moved to stand behind Montserrat's chair and leaned forwards to see the screen herself. "Okay, the new paltz P.D."

"It only confirms that they questioned Galloway about an accusation but that D.A. didn't press charges either," Montserrat shook her head. "So is everyone afraid of this guy?"

"It says the girl recanted," Olivia straightened on her feet and pointed at Montserrat then Sonny. "Go find out why."

~0~

Sonny and Montserrat followed their only lead to a young woman's small apartment. Even at first glance, the girl seemed troubled and it became even more so when she learned she was meeting two detectives.

"I shouldn't be talking to you," she said despite letting them into her apartment.

"Was that part of your deal for the diamond watch, Audrey?" Sonny's question visibly made the woman pause on her way into the hallway.

"Josh was just being nice."

"When he raped you?" Montserrat blurted and immediately regretted it. It was completely inappropriate and plain unsympathetic. "I'm sorry," she apologized to the woman after a minute. "What happened, Audrey?"

Audrey hugged herself and seemed to have trouble keeping her eyes on the detectives' level. "I was drunk. It was just rougher than I'm used to. Everybody likes it differently, I guess. I think he thought it was normal."

"Because he gave you a gift bag?"

"How did you know about that?"

Montserrat and Sonny exchanged a look between each other before Sonny answered. "You're not the first one to accuse him. Now, did you happen keep the bag?"

"I can't talk about it," Audrey turned away, though it was clear she wished she could.

Montserrat tried going in a different route to help both sides out. "There's nothing in your nondisclosure agreement about showing us what was in that bag, was there?"

Audrey considered it for a moment then shook her head. She walked towards her bedroom, leading the two inside where they watched as she scouted for the bag inside a closet. "There's, like, $4 left on the I'avonique gift card, but the rest is untouched." She held the white bag towards them, looking ashamed as she held it.

"Might be enough to get us a warrant," Sonny grinned at the thought of that break while Montserrat took the bag.

~0~

"Turns out his gift cards are cheaper by the dozen. Galloway buys them in 12 packs," Olivia laid out their newest possessions for Rafael to see over his desk.

Behind her, both Montserrat and Sonny brought out the rest of their evidence. "I'avonique pulled the serial numbers for all the purchases and we traced the ones that were used to the recipients," Sonny added.

"Okay, we know he's got his share of groupies on the road. Any of them claiming rape?" Rafael's question made the three in question deliberately hesitate to answer for the first couple seconds.

Eventually, Montserrat was the one to answer. "Most of the girls I talked to on the phone said the sex was consensual, and a few said he was aggressive, but none felt comfortable pressing charges."

"Look, even if they were...there was no outcry. There's no charges filed. No judge will admit prior bad acts. It's more prejudicial than probative." Rafael made the motion to get his desk cleared off.

Montserrat frowned and glanced at Olivia. "I'm sorry, I thought he said he wanted a pattern. Is that not what we got?"

"We do, he's a bad guy and we have a complainant," Olivia's reminder still didn't convince the ADA.

"If I go after this guy, it's no slam dunk."

"I'm sorry, I thought you were supposed to be good," Montserrat knew the moment she made the statement she'd ended up in Rafael's bad graces, but the words seemed to be in a rush to get out from her mouth. "That _is_ your reputation."

"I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear that simply because it's not worth arguing over," yet Rafael's expression was a warning for her to keep quiet from now on. His eyes flickered to Olivia and Sonny, both seeming on alert for an actual argument. "And it's not like I don't want to help, it's the details of the case. You are asking me to take a man to trial who will be using his first amendment right as a defense, apart from the fact he has no priors; one who will definitely be using your hassle for his jokes as another part of his defense and, to top it all off, the evidence is circumstantial at best. It's an automatic _lose_."

It wasn't like he was purposely throwing away the case. Of course he wanted to help the girl - it was his job after all - but he liked being realistic. There was no point in doing something that he already knew the ending to. But it seemed like SVU still hadn't caught on yet.

Montserrat couldn't see it, so it really was out of her control when she blurted, "Right, so when the going gets tough you get going."

Rafael raised an eyebrow at her, barely clinging onto that patience he had for her simply because she was a family member of an ADA he actually liked. Still, he couldn't stop his glare at her as he rose from his chair. "You're still new Detective. You don't know what goes on-"

"-then show me," she challenged, and not at all quietly. Behind her, Olivia was debating when (and how) to cut in. "A hard case means no case at all? C'mon, even my last ADA wasn't this flakey."

"You are out of line, Novak-" Rafael started going around his desk only to have Olivia rush in. On the other side, Sonny went to keep Montserrat from meeting Rafael halfway. At Olivia's nod, he started leading Montserrat out the office doors.

"In her own fantastic manner, Montserrat has a point. This is the right thing to do," Olivia reasoned with Rafael in her usual, calm, yet stern, manner.

Rafael considered the case and all its details, and despite knowing he would need an extra bottle of aspirin (and maybe some Scotch) he gave in with a nod. "Fine. Go collect him."

"Thank you," Olivia gathered what they'd brought in and hurried out before Rafael changed his mind. As soon as she met with Montserrat and Sonny, she started her lecture Montserrat knew she deserved. "You can't do that, Montse. No matter how frustrating the case is-"

"-the case isn't what frustrated me. It was _him_ ," the ginger woman didn't hesitate to correct. "He's supposed to be good so why isn't he acting like it?"

"Rafael was right, you've only been here for a couple weeks. You don't know how cases can go, especially when they're this problematic," Olivia kept herself calm unlike their ADA. If someone just sat down and explained to Montserrat in a calm manner then Montserrat was sure to understand. She was a practicable, reasonable and professional woman after all.

"Tell us we at least got the go for it?" Sonny's question came half in part of his own desire to get Galloway and the other half to ease the tension.

Olivia nodded and set a hand on Montserrat's shoulder. "Go get him."

~ 0 ~

"Oh, no. What happened to the pretty blonde and the badass sergeant?" Josh Galloway recognized a detective a mile away and not for good reasons.

"Cut the crap," Montserrat snapped as she and Sonny came up to the man on the sidewalk.

"Oh, feisty!" Josh put a hand just beside his lips and whispered directly to Sonny. "You know what they say about the redheads - they're the wildest under the sheets."

Montserrat gaped at his utter rudeness but Sonny reacted and immediately turned the guy around. "Josh Galloway, you're under arrest for the rape of Carly Rydell."

Josh laughed despite feeling the metal of the cuffs around his wrists. "Who?"

Montserrat whipped a picture of Carly Rydell in his face as Sonny turned him towards their car. "And just an FYI: you won't be able to shut her up with a diamond watch."

Josh still had the audacity to laugh again even when the detectives led him towards their car. The detectives figured he was getting even more excited since a couple people were already watching them with potential recording phones. "Are you talking about new paltz? Audrey, that little chuckle slut. She recanted, and so will this girl."

"Yeah, not likely," Sonny was happy to say. He waited for Montserrat to open the backdoor of the car.

"Great, you guys want a political case? Fantastic. I'm the right guy-"

"Excellent, thanks for the admission," Montserrat stepped aside and watched Sonny stuff the man into the backseat. He slammed the door shut and turned to Montserrat.

"You okay?"

Montserrat nodded, preferring to forget Galloway's words. Despite her efforts, though, it still made her shiver.

The guy _needed_ to be put away.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Thanks for reading guys!


	9. Jokester's Final Show

Dr. Weslin gave Montserrat the moment of silence she typically needed each time she arrived to her office. This time, however, she noted that she was fiddling with her fingers. She seemed to be pulling at the skin near her nails. That was one of the first signs of anxiety she had dealt with early after her rape. With months of treatment, she'd been able to get a better control of it but it seemed like this case she was dealing with was reverting her back.

"Josh Galloway makes rape jokes for a living and people actually _go_ for it. It's disgusting and the fact that he's hiding behind an amendment just shows how weak he is in reality," Montserrat was venting without interruptions. The more she spoke, the faster her fingers pulled at her skin. "He raped this girl and he doesn't even care. He's _so_ sure that he's gonna get off scot-free meanwhile we're over here scrambling to give our ADA any ammo he can use." When she took in a deep breath, Dr. Weslin knew it was his time to make a response.

"And this case was one that you specifically pushed for?"

"Well yes, because there was a crime committed," she shrugged. "It's what I was supposed to do."

"But you mentioned that you had a bit of disagreement-"

Montserrat scoffed. "Try multiple disagreements. Since this has gone to trial, I've been in Rafael's face for quite a while and vice versa." It made her feel ridiculous and shameful about her unprofessionalism but every time they came back from court Rafael was on a streak of 'we're going to lose' and she couldn't take it. She knew Olivia was on the same page as her due to the fact many disagreements had been between the three in general.

"Montserrat, why are you specifically pushing for this case?" Weslin's question momentarily confused Montserrat, which led the doctor to reword it. "You've had several cases already and each of them have been conflicting as is normal so why is _this_ case pushing you to have these disagreements with your co-worker? And this man, Josh Galloway, he seems to be pressing your buttons-"

"-he _is_ , because he's a rapist and he's getting away with it," Montserrat looked down at her lap and shook her head. "He might get away with it like... _he_ did."

"He did?" Dr. Weslin repeated and carefully watched Montserrat. She was aware of her fingers and her skin being pulled off.

Montserrat raised her fingers and examined them. "I...used to this before…" Weslin nodded but allowed her to continue without interruption. "Back when it was early...after my rape, I was so...out of place. I used to peel my own fingers' skin. I'm doing it again." A sad realization struck her face the moment she figured it out. "I'm doing it again and I don't even see it."

"You are now," Weslin gave her a second nod.

Montserrat tilted her head back and rubbed her forehead. "You know, I've been anxious ever since the trial started. Galloway is treating everything like a joke and he just...he reminds me of... _him_. My rapist." Even just mentioning him filled her with disgust. "He thought everything was a joke too, including what he did to me."

"Montserrat, you know there is nothing wrong with recusing yourself from this case. You have to testify?"

"No-"

"-then you don't even have to go to the trial if it still makes you uncomfortable."

"But then he wins," Montserrat gritted her teeth together. "He gets to control my life even after almost a whole year. I like my job, I do, and I don't want anything to get in the way of it."

She couldn't let that horrible act ruin the rest of her life. She had a good life at the moment, she loved where she lived and where she worked. She was beginning to get to know her co-workers and they were all turning out to be good people. That man didn't get to further ruin her life. Even if he was still somewhere out there, doing whatever the hell he wanted, he didn't get to have power over her.

No sir.

~ 0 ~

" _Josh Galloway here, live-vlogging my persecution. Today, Carly - oh, I mean, my anonymous accuser - swore under oath she came to my hotel room suite, raided my mini bar, but did not want to make it with my joystick. I just sure wish the jury got to see her a few hours earlier…"_

"I don't want to-" Carly was promptly shut down and forced to watch the remainder of the video in silence, though she knew despite the video playing the detectives' and ADA's eyes were on her and not on the screen.

Because on screen, she was pulling her shirt up for an entire crowd to see.

" _Do you know what else ends with a 'y'? Perjuryyyyy_."

Montserrat could not help herself. She slammed the laptop lid shut. She looked at the other detectives who were all wearing similar grim faces. Of course they were about to all go down due to this one video.

"I'm sorry-" Carly barely got to say before Rafael cut in in one of his usual cold tones.

"For what you said? Or for not telling us about it _before_?"

Carly looked down at her lap. "I didn't remember being recorded. I didn't do it on purpose."

"No one thinks that," Olivia spoke up for her. "But this will make it more difficult."

"How did this video even come up? I thought the detectives said they-"

"-vetted the club-goers?" now Rafael was glaring at each and every SVU detective in his office. "Those _were_ the rumors."

"We _did_ ," Nick seemed to be the one - besides Montserrat - leveling his glare. They did their job just as mandated. "Someone must've taken the video and sent it to Josh."

"I'm sorry," Carly felt like it was the only thing she could say, but it didn't do much for her.

"You should be," Rafael circled her chair. "The jury will remember it when they acquit Josh." Carly looked mortified but it didn't phase him one bit.

"Why don't we get you home?" Olivia started helping the girl up and looked to Amanda and Fin. "Get her back home safely, alright?"

"But what's going to happen?" Carly looked for some answers as Amanda and Fin started walking her for the door.

"This doesn't change anything, we're still going to try our best, right?" Montserrat finished by specifically glancing at Rafael. He didn't even answer, instead only making a half shrug of an 'I don't know'.

"Could you at least look like you have faith in this?" Olivia started as soon as Carly was gone.

"Faith in what?" Rafael nearly shouted out of frustration. "That video cemented the ending of this trial. I already went for a mistrial attempt-"

"-you did what!?"

"Don't worry, it was denied."

"Is there anything else we can do to mend this error?" Sonny's attempt was as futile as Olivia's words of encouragement.

"You want to redeem the case? Good luck," Rafael sincerely wished them. "Calhoun just told me she's calling Olivia to the stand."

The Sergeant in question blinked in surprise. "What? Me?"

"So I suggest you watch what you say. Calhoun knows exactly what she wants from you on that stand," Rafael moved back towards his desk.

"That's it?" Montserrat helplessly looked between Olivia and Sonny. "Just 'watch yourself'?"

"We all knew where this was headed." Rafael's matter-of-fact tone irritated even more.

"So then we should have, I don't know, done more for this? Instead of sitting there-" Montserrat gestured at him, "-and taking the lose."

"No I specifically said this case was not going to make it," Rafael snapped and glared at Olivia for a moment, as if silently warning her the Detective was pushing his buttons again.

"It was the right thing to do," Olivia reminded him, but even then it wasn't enough to ease the tension.

"I never should have let you convince me to take this case-"

"-we decided that it was the right thing to do-"

"This was before I had all the facts!" Rafael shot up from his seat, finally aggravated enough to shout at all of them, including the two silent detectives who'd been turning their heads each time someone spoke up. "If your detectives had done their due diligence and found that video, I never would have brought this case to trial!"

"So this our fault now?" Montserrat moved for his desk which prompted Sonny (and consequently Nick) to rush and stop her. "I thought SVU was all about being a team but you're not! You're just taking an easy way out and blaming us because you can't come up with a strategy to get the trial back on track!"

"ENOUGH!" Rafael ordered and received. He was outright enraged with such a string of insults and Montserrat didn't even look regretful.

She upheld his look for a minute before turning and storming out. _You're an idiot. You shouldn't have done that. What were you thinking-_

"Montse?" she started hearing Sonny's call and turned around once she was in the hallway to see him and Nick coming out.

"I know that was awful-"

"-more or less," Nick shrugged.

Montserrat rubbed her forehead and tried calling herself down. "I'd go back there but I'm afraid I'll just pick up where I left off."

"Yeah, don't worry, I think Barba is pretty much in the same state," Sonny instead motioned if Montserrat wanted to start leaving. "I've never seen him go that type of red before-"

"-not helping," Montserrat took in a deep breath and hopes she would be able to hold herself together.

"I'm gonna go back…" Nick pointed to Rafael's office. "You okay?" he put a hand on Montserrat's shoulder. "We all have _that_ type of case. And sometimes our temper gets in the way. I should know."

Montserrat didn't exactly know what he meant but she supposed he would elaborate at another time. "I think I should just go home."

Sonny turned her for the doors. Like he said, he brought her home. He did notice the 180 Montserrat did in the while it took him to drive to her place. Her rage was replaced with a guilt ridden expression. Her eyes were downcast the entire ride home, and even as they headed up the stairs of the apartment building.

When Montserrat unlocked the apartment door, she silently walked in and let her coat fall on the floor without care. She didn't really acknowledge the fact Kara was coming out of the kitchen.

"Montse, what are you doing-" Kara stopped and Montserrat went straight into the hallway. She flinched when Montserrat slammed her bedroom door shut. "What just happened?" she set her mug on the kitchen table and went to pick up Montserrat's coat off the floor.

Sonny picked it up before she got there and held it to her. "Tough case."

"Again? Can't you guys ever have something easy?" she took Montserrat's coat and draped it over a kitchen table chair.

"Unfortunately, no," Sonny stuffed his hands into his pants pockets. "She had a go with our ADA and let's just say she got him to scream."

Kara made a face. "I heard he's easy to irritate-"

"-so imagine when he meets a detective who puts his skills in question."

"Montse's not like that. This must be a case that's just getting to her. She wouldn't fight with a co-worker. I mean, she's told me how much she likes everyone at SVU," Kara felt like she needed to make sure that everyone knew Montserrat did indeed love her job. "Including that ADA. She likes Olivia's maternal side, um...that blonde detective-"

"-Amanda?"

"That one! Montserrat loves her accent - she thinks it's adorable." Kara chuckled with Sonny. "And then that tall one - he's Spanish I think?"

"Nick, yeah," Sonny gave her the nod. "Cuban."

"Right. Montserrat says he has a daughter and because he's a single Dad she just respects him a lot. Her parents haven't been together since she was five so believe me when I say she respects Nick for keeping a good interaction with his ex. And then Fin - I met him last week on a run - has all the jokes that make Montse laugh. And you…" Kara smiled, "Montse really likes you too. And your cooking."

Sonny's face went a bit red as he laughed. "You don't need to convince me of anything, Kara. We all know she likes her job, and we really like her too."

Kara nodded. "And that ADA, Montserrat likes him too. She says he's good at what he does. If she argued with him it was on the spur of the moment thing. She respects him too."

"Believe me, Kara, we know. Hopefully by tomorrow she'll be more calm," Sonny started backing up for the doors. "I gotta go though."

"Thank you for bringing her back," Kara followed him to the door. "Still keeping us safe, I see."

"My job," Sonny sheepishly smiled, referring back to the first time they met.

"I thank you for it," Kara leaned on the hinge of the door. "And I'm sure when Montse gets her shit together tomorrow, she'll thank you too."

Sonny nodded and gave her a wave before turning to leave. Kara slowly closed the door and turned towards the hallway. She headed for Montserrat's bedroom and gently knocked on the door.

"Montse? Montserrat, you wanna talk?" Kara didn't even bother with the doorknob since she was sure Montserrat had locked herself in. "Sonny said you had an argument with your ADA, what happened?"

Inside her room, Montserrat was sitting on the floor with her back to the bed's foot. She wasn't even listening to Kara's calls. It wasn't registering. All she could see and hear was that terrible day that changed her life.

 _He doesn't get to win. He doesn't get to do this to me_. She closed her eyes and tilted her head against the bed. She had to believe in that or else she would never get to live.

~0~

The next day when Montserrat returned to SVU, she found most of her co-workers had yet to come in. With a sigh, she dropped her things on her desk and went to sit down. Not a minute later did she hear someone clearing their throat.

"Renée?" Montserrat noticed the young woman was looking oddly uncomfortable. Throughout the trial, Renée had been a close supporter of Carly Rydell - even if the two women didn't really like each other - so of course Renée made her appearance to the courtroom for each trial date.

"There's something you should see," Renée pulled out a USB from her bag and held it out to Montserrat.

Slowly, Montserrat took the USB and plugged it into her laptop. There was a video in it and when she opened it up, she came to see a video of Josh Galloway attempting to rape Renée. Montserrat brought a hand to her mouth and stopped the video.

"Renée…"

"Before you say anything I did this out of my own accord!" the girl pulled a chair beside Montserrat's desk. "If the other girls couldn't Josh raped couldn't come forwards then I had to. No one told me to do it. I thought about it myself." Montserrat pulled the USB from her laptop and handed it back to Renée. Renée seemed disappointed until she saw Montserrat getting up. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know, but we need to get this to our ADA _now_ ," Montserrat nodded for the exit and of course Renée rushed to follow.

On the way to the DA's building, Montserrat notified Olivia in a text what was happening. Hopefully, it would start paving the way for a redemption from Montserrat's part.

Though it was early, Rafael was already in his office. The moment he saw Montserrat he laughed quietly, assuming she was back to continue in her crazy argument. "Should I even bother saying good morning detective?"

"I'm on business," Montserrat led Renée in, though she heard his snarky 'that'd be a first' along the way. She let it go and just stuck to the reason she came in. "Renée did something...more or less good but I don't know exactly how good."

Rafael settled a look on the nervous woman. "What did you do?"

Renée took out her USB and held it out for him. Rafael looked past her towards Montserrat, questioning the USB but the Detective nodded him to go on and take it. Like she did earlier, he stuck the USB on a laptop and found Renée's video.

Renée shifted in her seat until after he finished watching. "Like I told Detective Novak, nobody told me to do this. In fact, Sergeant Benson warned me not to try anything."

"And you should have listened," Rafael cut her off. "This was dangerous, Renée."

"I had to do something," Renée argued without hesitation. "He cannot go free without paying for what he did."

"Renée, wait outside and then I'll take you home," Montserrat motioned the girl to start getting up.

"Please don't let him get away with it," Renée pleaded as she got on her feet. "Use that video, please!"

Montserrat turned to Rafael once Renée was gone. "Can we use that?"

Rafael closed the laptop down and considered the options. "Maybe, but the judge will never let us use this. Are you sure no one told her to do this?"

"Listen, you can be mad all you want but I would never put a civilian's life at risk like this," Montserrat pressed her finger over his laptop. "This video may not be useful for this case but maybe it doesn't have to be used for _this_ case." Her suggestive smile did offer another option Rafael would be willing to take. It was easy, and best of all it guaranteed a win.

~0~

"There was a camera in her eyeglasses?" Rita Calhoun was practically offended the NYPD would sink so low at breaking obvious rules just to take out her client. She pushed shut the laptop that had the disgusting video of her client and Renée. "The NYPD give her that?"

Rafael looked up to where Olivia stood. The Sergeant had made it clear she wanted to be there when he showed Josh and Calhoun the video.

"She bought them herself," Rafael answered but Olivia added on.

"At Best Buy."

"I'm sure she did. This won't be admissible regardless," Calhoun's statement gave Josh an irritated smugness. "My client was set up while still on trial. This is NYPD entrapment."

"Renee did this on her own," Rafael met them with his own smug smile. "Neither NYPD nor I had any knowledge. And I'm not looking to use it at this trial." Calhoun barely had time to be confused when Rafael explained better. "I'll be bringing a new case with separate but equal charges. Attempted rape, sexual assault."

"Whoa, whoa, what is this?" Josh frowned. "First it was a vendetta and now it's a shakedown?"

"Josh, stop-"

"Rita-"

"Stop!" Calhoun snapped, finally succeeding in making Josh go silent. "I'm sure Mr. Barba and I can work something out."

The smirk on Rafael's promised she would get a deal alright.

~0~

"Girl got _guts_ to go out there and get that video," Fin said decently quiet since Olivia and Rafael had Carly Rydell in Olivia's office.

"Renee could have gotten herself seriously hurt, though," Amanda reminded them all that while this was a good ending there were still some unaccounted risks that hadn't been necessary.

"At least we know Galloway is getting some punishment," Nick looked at the office door that was opening.

"And it seems like we're about to know just what he got," Sonny rubbed his hands together, making his co-workers chuckle.

Carly seemed pretty satisfied as she walked out, leading the detectives to believe the deal must have been good.

"How much time is he getting?" Montserrat didn't beat around the bush. Everyone around was curious to know the lucky number of jail time anyways.

"None," Rafael's answer was initially met with a degree of incredulity before he added on, "He'll be going on the registry for ten years."

"And the video never sees the light of day," Olivia added, looking not too pleased as well.

"What - that's it?" Amanda gawked. "So he _is_ above the law?"

"He pled guilty and he's on the registry. Fatty Arbuckle was found innocent. Barely ever worked again," Rafael reminded them. "The court of public opinion, once it turns on you…"

"So it _was_ the right thing to do," Montserrat smirked.

"Detective, I won't even bother answering that," Rafael stepped towards her desk. She got up from her chair with the actual intention of apologizing, but he didn't give her the chance. "I know you're still new but the next time you go off on me the way you did, I'll report you for unprofessional conduct. I'm sure that'll be take into consideration at the end of your probationary period. Do you understand?"

Montserrat's eyebrows raised together. The others prepared themselves for another argument - and perhaps a louder one too - but all Montserrat did was slightly smile and give a small nod.

Rafael briefly looked at the small audience they'd collected and went on his way. Montserrat turned to watch him leave and suddenly chuckled after he disappeared in the hallway. "He'll get over it," she waved him off and smiled at the rest.

"You okay?" Olivia asked while Montserrat went to take a seat again. "That was harsh and even if he does end up reporting anything, I can vouch that you were still new to the job."

Montserrat didn't seem at all perturbed with the threat. "In six months when 1PP reviews my job progress, I'm sure I'll have pissed him off countless times that he won't bother to do the paperwork for each incident."

"Alright…" it was clear that Olivia didn't know what to say about Montserrat's way of thinking, but at least she seemed to be doing better than yesterday.

"Montse?" Sonny quietly called when everyone started returning to their daily tasks. "Are you sure you're okay? Barba was intense-"

"Yes," she chuckled. "Plus, he'll get over it. I may or may not have left a little something in his office." Sonny's questionable look just made her laugh again. "Listen, Kara's been bugging me to ask you where you bought those cannolis that you gave me on my first day. She really loved them."

That made Sonny change his focus onto his favorite dessert, as well as the cute, friendly roommate.

~ 0 ~

On his way into his office, Rafael bid goodbye to his assistant for the day. He walked in, dreary of the remaining work he had left, but slowly came to a stop when he spotted a white plastic bag sitting on his desk. He looked around but of course no one but him was there. It was too late to go catch Carmen and ask her who brought it around.

He put his things down on a chair and peered inside the bag. The moment he did was he greeted with smell of food - dinner by the looks of it. There was a yellow paper taped to the top of the white box inside. He pulled it off and took it out of the bag to read the note on it. After he did, his mouth opened in a gape.

~ 0 ~

"No way, they make these with peanut butter too!?" Kara practically yelped when Sonny read off the different flavors of the dozen cannolis he and Montserrat brought to the apartment.

"Apparently they do," Montserrat eyed the specific pastry with hesitation while Kara picked it up from the box.

Kara's moan after taking a bite of the peanut butter cannoli made both Montserrat and Sonny laugh. "What? It's good!" Kara reached for a napkin on the coffee table.

"Glad you like them," Sonny closed the lid of the box (after offering Montserrat one) and set it on the table.

"Mm, I do. But you didn't have to pay for them," Kara shot Montserrat a mock glare. "I specifically sent Montse go pick some up with the promise I'd pay her back."

"He offered," Montserrat argued through her chews. She admitted the chocolate cannoli was her favorite, though perhaps it had to do with the fact she loved brownies. "I'm innocent in this."

"It was my pleasure," Sonny assured them both before they got into a disagreement.

"Still, it seems like a lot…" Kara sheepishly said.

Montserrat rolled her eyes when Sonny gave the same expression. _Oh brother._ "Thank God," she mumbled when she heard her cell phone ring inside her bag. "Don't mind me…" she said but doubted either of them were listening. They seemed to like smiling at each other.

Sonny and Kara were forgotten the moment she saw who was calling.

"Hello?" she got up from the couch chair and walked a small distance from the living room.

"Montserrat Novak, just what do you think you're doing?" Rafael promptly demanded from the other line.

Montserrat imagined him in his office, confused out of his mind with her gift.

True to her image, Rafael was holding the note she'd left and couldn't stop rereading it. "I swear to God if you're laughing-"

"-I'm not," Montserrat was biting her lip to keep herself from laughing. "I just wanted to apologize in my own way. One of Kara's customers owns the restaurant so they did me the favor." She glanced back at Kara to see if the roommate had heard anything. Thankfully not. "You don't like it?" her soft tone made it difficult for Rafael to accuse her of something else.

Rafael looked at her note then back at the meal on his desk.

 _It was my turn to pay. Hope you like French food!_

 _\- Montse_

"It's just...it's a lot, Novak," he admitted it did make him just a little uncomfortable accepting her 'gift' and it wasn't because of his ego. He actually didn't understand the exact feeling he was getting.

"C'mon, Rafael. My name is Montserrat. We're not working so you don't have to keep calling me by my last name," she chuckled. "And I just sent that as part of my apology. I was a particular pain in the ass for this case and I went off on you. You have every right to report me."

Remembering his threat put Rafael in shame. He'd been set on making her remember where she stood and he'd probably said what he shouldn't have. She was, after all, still new to SVU and still learning. "I wasn't actually going to report you, Nov - Montserrat. I just wanted you to have a reason not to argue with me again."

"Yeah, that I can't promise," Montserrat bit her lip again when a laugh threatened to slip through. "I always argue, and it seems like you're my candidate to be on the receiving end."

"Lucky me," Rafael hummed.

"You make it too easy by getting annoyed with the simplest of things."

"Excuse you, you insulted my abilities on a job I've been doing for more than ten years-"

"-and I'm sorry," Montserrat apologized slowly. "I said what I said because…" she sighed and only gave a brief explanation that would hopefully cover it. "This case just...it hit home. And I shouldn't have let it, but it did, and I said things and acted in a way I hope I never do again."

Her choice of words had confused Rafael for a moment. "It-it what? What does-"

"-don't ask questions, please," she'd gone to a whisper, furthering his suspicions. Once again she glanced back at her friends hoping they hadn't heard. "You just gotta know that I think you're a talented prosecutor. I still remember the belt."

That soon brought a smile to Rafael's face. He chuckled, actually. "Let it go, Novak."

"Not in this lifetime," she promised. "You basically asked a man to choke you with a belt on your first SVU case and you want me to let that go? Absolutely not." She smiled when he laughed, hoping it meant things would be better from here on out. "So...are we good?"

Rafael put her note down on his desk. Despite his efforts he ended up smiling. "Yes, Montserrat. Of course we are."

"Great," Montserrat beamed, perhaps more than she should have. "Enjoy your dinner. The chocolate mousse was really good by the way, but then again I really love brownies so it might stem from the fact it was just chocolate."

"There's dessert too - Montserrat!" Rafael had peered over the bag again and caught sight of a second box underneath.

"It's fine, Rafael, don't worry," she chuckled while he sighed in resignation. It's not like he could return it anyways.

"Next time it's my turn," he said without much thought and suddenly Montserrat was glad this was a phone call and not in person because her face had gone a little red.

"Whatever you want," Montserrat shrugged, making him pause in his endeavor to pull out one box of food.

He realized the context of his words and internally scolded himself for it...but maybe he wasn't so sorry about it in reality.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

As usual, thanks for reading!

 **For the review:** I'm following the episodes but they won't always have the same scenes! And I think it goes without saying but the episodes won't be done in the same order as they aired on the show! I like giving it some twists! :)


	10. Of All Moms

Montserrat had just sat down to have some breakfast when someone knocked on the door. "You have got to be kidding me," she put her fork down and glared at the door. Sonny had told her he would be coming by to pick her up for work. It was a nice gesture but Montserrat was almost sure it had to do with the fact he wanted to catch brief moments with her roommate instead.

Bitterly, she got up from her chair and went to answer it. Her momentary annoyance was forgotten when she came face to face with a tall, black haired man. However, with the black curls over the man's head it wasn't difficult to place him."Hi, Damian," Montserrat greeted Kara's older brother. "I didn't expect you to be here."

Likewise," Damian Mackie had a charming smile that only seemed to get better as the years passed by.

"Kara didn't tell you I was rooming with her for a while?" Montserrat left the door and went to retrieve her breakfast on the table. Damian walked in and closed the door for them. "I've been here for a couple months now."

"No, I think she did. I just missed it when she rambled on about other things," Damian shrugged, making Montserrat chuckle. "But you look great. I haven't seen you in a while."

"Try two years," Montserrat slipped some oatmeal into her mouth.

"Well it's kinda difficult to get ahold of one of New York's finest Detectives," Damian's dramatic bow was met with a roll of eyes. He chuckled and looked into the hallway. "Is my sister ready? We promised our parents we'd be on time."

"It's so cute they're having a little anniversary day with their kids," Montserrat smiled.

"Well you know, maybe we can catch up afterwards?" Damian casually asked.

"I'd have to check my schedule," Montserrat laughed at such an ironic line. "It's not a lie. My job really is that unpredictable."

There was another knock on the door and this time Montserrat was sure it was her partner. She held her oatmeal bowl and walked for the door despite Damian attempting to do it for her.

"Morning," Sonny stood tall and cheery. He crinkled his nose the moment he smelled oatmeal. "Who eats oatmeal these days? How old are you again?"

"29 you jerk," Montserrat frowned and turned back for the apartment.

Sonny still smiled as he walked into the apartment, but when he saw Damian he immediately got serious. "Morning."

"Uuh, morning," Damian slowly greeted back and glanced at Montserrat.

"He's my partner from work," Montserrat was hurriedly trying to finish her oatmeal. "Sonny, meet Damian. Damian, meet Sonny. Damian is Kara's older brother, my friend and yadda, yadda…"

Sonny shook his head while his partner practically devoured her oatmeal. Still, he shook Damian's hand. "Nice to meet you. Kara mentioned you. Well, she mentioned you and Montse's brother. You're both architects, right?"

"Right," Damian nodded. "We're actually working on an important company building right now."

"I know that," Montserrat swallowed the last of her oatmeal and dumped the bowl into the sink. "I've had to babysit three times in one week because you guys can't get things right."

"Not true," Damian swayed his head. "Sometimes we just wanna get drinks."

Montserrat gave a deadpanning look. "You better be lying."

Damian took one step back and called for his sister. "Hurry up, Kara! Before Montserrat shoots me!"

Kara emerged stuffing things into her purse. "Whatever you did I'm sure you deserve it."

"Oh some sister you are," Damian rolled his eyes.

Kara had a good comeback ready to go before she saw Sonny. She beamed at his presence. "Hi! Are you picking up Montse again?"

The ginger in question shook her head and narrowed her eyes at them. _Using me as an excuse to go all googly-eyes on each other._

"Yeah, she asked me to," Sonny didn't even notice the flat out lie he said. Montserrat gaped and had half a mind to smack him. She felt one month into SVU granted her the perk of smacking a co-worker if they deserve it.

"Always so kind," Kara's big smile didn't go unnoticed by her brother.

Damian cleared his throat. "We do have parents waiting. You can do this another time."

Unlike Montserrat who thought about smacking, Kara did it. Damian groaned when his sister's hand smacked him on the chest. "I'll...be in the car…" Damian gave a wave for Montserrat and Sonny then headed out the door.

"I'll see you later," Kara very sweetly told Sonny as if they already had plans.

"Of course," Sonny stepped aside so she could walk out. Kara smiled all the way out, as did Sonny.

"Seriously?" Montserrat crossed her arms and was unamusingly looking at her partner. "You're just gonna stare at my roommate's ass right in front of me?"

"I -I was not-"

"Don't you lie to me, Dominick Carisi," Montserrat pointed at him. "And just so you know, when I use your full name it means I'm serious. And I'm serious right now."

Sonny playfully rolled his eyes. "Are you ready?"

"No! Because you keep showing up early just to meet with Kara and leave me hanging with either half of my breakfast or nothing at all!" Montserrat's exclaim was met with an amused smile. "I need to eat to survive if you've forgotten!" she made way for the living room but stopped just to point at him. "And I definitely didn't like it when you came in ten minutes after my alarm went off! What the hell even was that!?"

Sonny couldn't stop laughing. It had been honest accident that allowed him to see what Montserrat looked like in the morning. He learned that she had a much more colorful vocabulary in the early hours. "Alright, alright, what if I buy you some cannolis to make it up?"

"...turn those into almond brownies and a vanilla latte and you, my friend, have a deal."

Unfortunately, their deal wasn't made through on account of an urgent case they were both called onto. They followed the directions and sure enough came to a building swarming with officers.

"What the hell happened?" Montserrat called to Fin who was overseeing the procession.

"Little girl somehow got out on that balcony. It looks like she's stuck," Fin pointed to the higher levels of the apartment building where they could see a little girl out on a balcony, over a table. She staggered every second or so, threatening to fall over.

"Where are the parents?" Sonny scowled, outraged the little girl was left unsupervised up to that point.

"Neighbors don't know. Amaro and Rollins are with ESU trying to get inside," Fin said and pulled up his phone. "The door's barricaded."

"Is Liv here yet?" Montserrat figured their Sergeant would be inside the building trying to get into that apartment but so far they hadn't heard any communications from the inside.

"Nah, she's at Baby Boy Doe's hearing. She was on her way last I heard."

"What?" the ginger woman said in confusion. "Who?"

"Earlier case," Fin waved it off and focused on the fact two men were throwing ropes over the front of the building. It seemed like the apartment was still inaccessible.

As soon as they had the girl in safety, the remaining detectives rushed into the building. Thankfully, Olivia arrived not too long after that.

"Check it out, someone left her with everything she could possibly need," Nick pointed to the kitchen table of the girl's apartment that was covered in food, toys and movies.

"Yeah except a _mom_ ," Montserrat mumbled as she passed him, though she was heard quite fine.

She went into the hallway to see what else they could find but it was a surprisingly clean apartment. Laundry was closed locked but the bedroom and the bathroom weren't. Opposite of her, Sonny and Fin took check of the plumbing and found that the hot water was off, as well as the stove in general.

"Girl's name is Maddie. Mother's Jenny Aschler. We haven't located her yet," Amanda was informing Olivia after the Sergeant arrived.

"How is Maddie?" Olivia peered around the blonde detective to see the young girl sniffling on the couch.

"She's scared, not hurt. She pushed a chair to the balcony door, unlocked it. Says she climbed out there to feed the birds."

"We didn't notice before but these are meals that you can eat without any preparation," Montserrat picked up a pack of crackers. She then reached for grapes that had been neatly pursed into a Ziploc bag. "And others that have already been prepared. My Dad used to do this when my brother and I were young and he had to work overtime. This mom took all the precautions."

"But she did leave her daughter unattended and locked in," Fin reminded her then looked to Amanda for a better explanation of that bit.

"Maddie says her mother left her for two sleeps," Amanda explained quietly so the girl wouldn't hear. "And she was told not to let anyone in."

"What could be so important that a mother would just leave her child like this?" Olivia sighed. Her mind was already particularly clogged with the details of the hearing she'd been in. Mothers not attending to their own children was the worst thing they could do.

"Hey Serg," Sonny came by with his phone in hand. "Found mommy." When he showed them the picture of the woman, things made less sense.

~0~

Jenny Aschler was horrified to hear what happened to her daughter - almost happened thanks to the police. Her nervous eyes flickered between Olivia and Nick. The fact they had to come to prison to talk her already didn't bode well for her.

"Is Maddie okay?"

"Now you're worried?" Nick raised an eyebrow at her, unable to believe if she was being honest or not. The woman already seemed jittery and anxious. "You knew you were on probation. Why were you shoplifting?"

"I-it was Maddie's birthday. She's always wanted one of those, uh, American girl dolls? They're $200," Jenny explained the best she could. "I mean, who has that kind of money? Where is Maddie? I wanna see her."

"She's with child protective services," Olivia saw Jenny's eyes widen even more.

"Just...just till I get out, right? I'm due out in a few hours."

"Listen, you left your six-year-old unsupervised for two days. You can't just get her back," Nick thought that would be been an obvious but Jenny was actually hopeful. "All right, you're looking at new charges here-"

"Hold on, Nick. Slow down," Olivia urges him to take it easy so that they could have a better understanding of Jenny's situation.

"You can't talk to him like that. You're gonna make him mad," Jenny quietly said to Olivia, instigating confused faces from the two.

"Look, I'm not… I'm not mad," Nick started again, and slow for her to understand. "But you left your child alone, all right? This is serious."

"Jenny, you told your public defender that you thought your husband was gonna be able to take care of Maddie," Olivia was sure that they saw that in Jenny's file. They'd even talked to the defender briefly before coming to see Jenny.

"We're separated," Jenny lowered her gaze to the metal table.

"So, what, he bailed on you? He said that he couldn't watch her?"

"I never asked him," Jenny knew how that sounded so she quickly added to explain for herself. "It's too dangerous."

"Dangerous? What do you mean?" Nick asked her.

"Gary can't be alone with Maddie. He has...needs. If I'm not there to take care of them, somebody else has to - I won't leave him alone with my daughter."

Olivia saw honest fear for Maddie and couldn't just ignore it. This was more than a neglect case. "So Gary isn't Maddie's father?"

" No. Maddie's father's in Attica."

"So Gary's Maddie's stepfather? Has he ever acted inappropriately with her? Has she said something?"

Jenny looked up from the table, her reddened eyes looking between Olivia and Nick. There was a lot tell.

~0~

Montserrat and Amanda were both amazed at what kind of men surrounded Jenny Aschler's life. Between them and Fin, they had reconstructed the connections between Jenny, Bobby Aschler and Gary Aschler.

"This woman's had a tough life," Montserrat mumbled as she pinned a photograph of Jenny at the center of their board.

"Yeah, Bobby Aschler-" Amanda looked up from her laptop to point at the indicated photograph of the man, "-is Maddie's biological father and he has a _long_ record. The lovely ending is he's now doing a bid in Attica for cooking meth."

"This prince, he pimps Jenny out, gets her pregnant at 16, and then just turns her over to his brother Gary," Montserrat took a seat at the edge of the table. "And she has quite a long record too."

"Anything outstanding?" Olivia inquired.

"Define that," Fin leaned back on his chair. "I mean, she's been in and out of jail from multiple drug arrests which only stopped two years ago."

Olivia put her hands on her hips and gazed at the board they had set up. Despite Nick and Sonny not being back from their visit to Gary, they'd managed to pull up several pieces of information on Jenny that just didn't equal to a terrible, neglectful mother. "She sounds more like a probable domestic violence victim. I'm not sure that charging Jenny with neglect of a child is in Maddie's best interest. If Jenny does more jail time, the stepfather may ask for custody."

"Not if he's in jail too," Montserrat threw in the option they would all love.

"Yeah, but that'll only happen if we can get Jenny to testify against him."

"So...we talk to her again?" Amanda asked.

Olivia gave the nod. "If we can convince family court that she's a D.V. Victim, maybe she and Maddie can get the help they need."

~ 0 ~

Despite Jenny being released from prison, she looked no better. With her daughter ripped from her, she seemed even worse than when she was in prison. She took a seat in the interview room and anxiously watched Amanda and Nick come in. They didn't beat around the bush, they just cautiously began to interrogate her about her life at home, especially where it concerned Gary.

"Well, of course Gary never touched Maddie. I won't give him the chance," Jenny took to playing with the tips of her hair. It seemed like a nervous tick as she tugged on the tips.

"So what makes you afraid that he'll do something?" Amanda proceeded to push for more specific details. "Cause he hurts you?"

"He-he has needs, like all men."

"So what does he do to you, Jenny?" Nick's question was met with silence. He sighed and pushed again. "Look, you have to start talking to us. If you're lying to get back at Gary, you're gonna be in trouble here-"

"Stop yelling!" Jenny suddenly exclaimed, getting silence despite almost shrinking back in her chair. Her eyes quickly met Nick's and revealed momentary terror in them. "I'll be good. I promise. I'll do whatever you want."

Nick was at a loss in that moment. He was pretty sure he hadn't been shouting. Maybe he'd spoken a little louder than he had wanted but it definitely was not yelling. "Jenny, you don't have to - Hey, Jenny, nobody's yelling-"

Someone knocked against the window of the room, letting know someone had to come out. Nick knew who that would be. With a sigh, he got up from his seat and returned to Olivia's office where the rest of the team was. "Look, I wasn't even pushing her that hard-"

"It's not you," Olivia assured him no one was blaming him. "It's something else going on here."

"Care to take a wild guess?" Montserrat was leaning against the window and attentively listening into Jenny's interview.

It came as no surprise to anyone when Jenny disclosed that her husband Gary was taking advantage of her under the guise of marriage privilege.

~0~

"Jenny Aschler abandons her six-year-old, claims she's afraid her husband will abuse her kid, and now she's accusing him of raping her?" Rafael wanted to ask if there was a list somewhere that gave anything else the woman was claiming.

"No, weren't you listening?" Montserrat tapped her index finger to her ear for emphasis. "She thinks because they're married, it isn't rape."

Behind her chair, Olivia was pacing back and forth. The case was obviously more frustrating for the Sergeant and now Rafael was wondering how long it would take her to make a hole in his office. Amanda, who sat in the chair next to Montserrat, wondered the same thing.

"So she hasn't said no, she's living in fear, and you think she's gonna agree to confront this guy in court?" Rafael knew those odds and had to scoff out loud. "I'm a prosecutor. She needs a social worker."

Olivia came to a right stop at his words. "Hang on, this is more than a simple child neglect case. The only reason that Jenny left Maddie alone-"

"-for two days while she went to jail…?" Rafael finished for her though earned himself exact glares from her and Montserrat.

"Seriously, aren't you listening?" Montserrat genuinely asked again. "She only did that because she thought her daughter was unsafe with the stepfather. You have to trust a mother's instincts."

"Yeah, Fin and Amaro went and saw this guy. They say she made the right call," Amanda then added on.

Rafael swayed his head while he thought about the not-so-subtle plan the three women were clearly on. "So you want me to charge the husband with D.V., so a family court judge will give her a second chance?"

"Jenny was wrong to leave Maddie alone. There's no doubt about that, but she's also a victim," Olivia didn't think she needed to be so descriptive but if he wanted it all then she would be. "She suffers with symptoms of PTSD. The father is in Attica, and this guy should be there too."

"Seriously…" Montserrat tapped her ear again, nodding at him to go on.

Rafael playfully rolled his eyes at her. "Alright, fine. See if he's dumb enough to confess to something he doesn't realize is a crime."

"Thank you," Olivia gave the nod of gratitude and started leaving first.

"See how easy it is when you just listen," Montserrat's comment made it difficult for Amanda not to chuckle.

Rafael was not so amused. "Oh yeah, so brave when all three of you come in against me."

"Didn't think you so scared so easily, councilor," Amanda's remark then made Montserrat laugh.

As Amanda walked towards the door, Montserrat quickly leaned over the desk just to whisper, "Kind of puts the belt to shame, don't you think?"

While she laughed, Rafael glared. "Get out of my office," his command was simple and calm. Though he was straight faced, unamused, a smile wormed its way across his face when he heard her laugh echo from the hallway.

~0~

When Montserrat returned home, she was surprised to find not only her roommate, but Damian and Montserrat's older brother, Gael. Kara was sitting at the couch flipping through a magazine while the two men discussed in the kitchen.

"Uh, hi," Montserrat said slowly since none of them acknowledged the fact she'd just walked in.

Kara waved but was more focused on her magazine. "I'm trying to learn this hairstyle for the salon, shush!"

Montserrat rolled her eyes and walked towards her brother instead, leaving her things over the table. "Gael, what are you doing here? What about Ivana and Juliana?"

"Dad's with them," Gael came over and hugged his sister hello. "I didn't think I'd catch you. Kara says you don't come home until midnight sometimes."

"When she's lucky," Kara made sure to add.

"Go back to your hair, Mackie," snapped Montserrat before answering her brother. "The hours are all over the place but that's not important. What are you doing here?"

"My fault," Damian waved a hand. "We're getting back from my parent's anniversary when Gael called with a problem from work."

"Is everything alright?"

"Just the usual. Customers who aren't satisfied with our work," Gael rolled his dark eyes. He brought his hand to his brunette hair and pushed it back. "I was already in Manhattan so I thought it be easier to meet here. That a problem?"

Montserrat chuckled. "And miss the chance to make fun of my big brother? Never."

Gael shook his head. "I was done anyways. We're thinking of dropping by Casey's tomorrow to see if she can help us."

"Casey is at court most of the day. Good luck with that.."

It seemed like the men were considering her comment, leading Montserrat to conclude whatever problems they were having at work must be big. Casey was a prosecutor, after all, not there for personal problems.

"I thought your job has lawyers of their own," Montserrat commended and grabbed a coke bottle from the kitchen table without caring whose it was. As she headed for the living room, she missed Gael's glare for stealing his bottle. Montserrat sat down beside Kara and the blonde roommate immediately chucked her magazine to the side and turned to Montserrat's hair.

"Yeah but we want someone who won't mind explaining us the exact details of the problem," Gael went into the kitchen and when they heard the fridge opening, it was assumed he would be getting another coke.

"And exactly why would you think Casey wouldn't shout at your ass for being annoying?" Montserrat took a swig of her stolen coke bottle, scrunching her face when Kara pulled on her hair.

"Sorry! I'm trying the hair style!" Kara apologized and went right back to work.

"Do you think your cousin will really mind if we go talk to her?" Damian asked, his seriousness coming off as amusing to the two siblings.

"Nah," Montserrat shook her head, though Kara stopped her with hands pressed to both sides of Montserrat's head.

"See our cousin is sharp and possibly evil, but she loves a good contract," Gael returned from the kitchen with a coke bottle. "And she's family."

"She'll kill you if she ever hears you call her evil," Montserrat muttered. "And I will remind you she's a Homicide ADA so she'll know how to make it look like an accident."

Gael rolled his eyes. "It's getting late and I gotta get back to my girls."

"Yeah, you keep leaving my nieces alone," Montserrat pointed at her brother in warning. "You know I'm dealing with a case of a mother who left her daughter alone for two days."

"Hey I left my girls with a good babysitter," Gael reminded her. "I'd never leave them alone. I'm not a bad parent."

"...but Dad used to leave us alone sometimes," Montserrat's comment made him pause just as he was getting his jacket from the kitchen table.

Gael shot his sister a look, looking offended but not for him. "Don't you ever imply that our father was a bad parent."

"I'm not-" Montserrat didn't seem the least fazed even when he continued with an increasing louder voice.

"-Dad had to work sometimes and there was no one to look after us! Everyone else worked and they couldn't just leave their jobs-"

"-Gael, I know-"

"If you want to talk about a bad parent then maybe you should think about Regina instead." Gael angrily put on his jacket, ignoring the wide-eyed looks from Damian and Kara. He wasn't even going to dignify his sister with a glance. " _She's_ the bad parent for what she did to us."

With those words, he stormed out of the apartment.

"Uuh…" Kara stopped doing Montserrat's hair - which seemed more like a wild mess than anything else - and leaned back. "What just happened?"

"I made my big brother mad, story of my life," Montserrat put her coke bottle on the coffee table.

"Montse, are you okay?" Damian walked over to the couch and sat on the arm rest.

"Don't worry about it," Montserrat scoffed lightly. "I'm used to Gael's attitude when it comes to Regina." She pushed herself up from the couch, knowing she was being watched by the Mackies.

"Who's Regina?" Damian asked.

"My mother," Montserrat answered on her way into the hallway.

~ 0 ~

Olivia thought bringing Jenny to a psychiatrist would help them better in her case, but she ultimately got more than what they thought they would. The brief evaluation brought SVU to Jenny's mother - who had nothing but bad things to say about Jenny - and that then gave them view of what happened to Jenny as a child.

Now, the conference area was full of photographs of Jenny as a child that the squad was looking through. They were all pretty suggestive but nothing against the law.

"How old was she in these?" Amanda stopped when she found a particular photograph that made her want to stop altogether.

"Five, six, seven," Nick answered, since he and Fin were the ones who had returned with the photographs from Jenny's mother. "Stepfather took all of them."

"These are the photos he gave to Jenny's mother?" Montserrat gawked at how clueless the mother had to be for her not to realize what her ex-husband was doing. "Where are the ones that he kept for himself?"

"Let's find out," Olivia was already a step ahead by the time the rest of the squad finished going through the pictures.

She'd gotten ahold of a contact who came back with answers rather fast. And since those answers were rather awful, it required the presence of the entire squad and their ADA. Now they were all gazing at new pictures of Jenny they could have gone without seeing.

Agent O'Connell from the FBI was the one to expose the team to the actual, deeper truth of Jenny Aschler. "I recognized her right away," the man admitted as he switched through some of the photos they had. "We searched for her for over a decade. Called her 'Lacy unknown.'"

"Lacy is the name that the stepfather calls her in the videos," Amanda remembered. "How many videos are we talking about?"

" _Hundreds_. And thousands of stills. There's videos of her being tied up, raped, sodomized. Some of them were customized. He would take requests, posing her. She has chat rooms devoted to her."

"And so...the mother never realized that this was happening to her kid?" Montserrat couldn't think of a more clueless (or purposely blind) mother than Jenny's.

"Whether or not, we can't exactly prove it," Nick bitterly said beside her.

"We kept looking for Lacy, but after a while, we assumed there's no way she survived her childhood," O'Connell turned off the screen. "I'm shocked she's still alive. But for what it's worth, there's a couple hundred guys in prison for downloading her images."

The last bit interested Rafael most. "These videos are still being distributed even a decade later?" he asked just to confirm.

"Every day in every country in the world. A lot of pedophiles are collectors. They share clips, trade files on the darknet. As fast as we pull sites down, new ones pop up."

"One favor. Notify me when you find someone new in possession of these images."

"Of course," O'Connell agreed and started gathering his belongings to leave.

"Thank you for coming," Olivia said on his way out.

"So how do we move from here?" Sonny wondered after it was just them again. It was a tricky case since most sides were already shut by law.

"The stepfather took these videos, and he's the one in the videos raping her," Rafael moved so that he could face the entire squad. "Where is he?"

"Jerry Dobbs. He died in a car accident two years ago," Fin responded, looking bitter about it too. Jail time would've been a been a more fitting punishment than sweet death.

"I hope he suffered," Rafael muttered before switching tactics. "What about the mom?"

"Mom couldn't have been that clueless," Montserrat shook her head. "She must have known."

Olivia scoffed there. "Well, if you let her tell it, her daughter's been nothing but trouble ever since she was born."

Rafael knew where she was going with that and would not let her. "You can't make that case. Let it go."

"Let it go?" Olivia repeated, her mouth falling in open incredulity. "So nobody has to pay for what was done to Jenny?"

"There may be one avenue of recourse, if Jenny is capable of handling it," Rafael said once Olivia calmed a bit. He wasn't going to subject himself to a round of shouts.

'She's emotionally fragile. She's so traumatized, she doesn't remember this stuff. She's blocked it out-"

"Maybe if you show her these images…"

"Now hold on," Montserrat cut in once she and the rest of the team caught onto the intention. "You want us to show Jenny…" she pointed to the darkened screen behind Rafael, "... _that_?"

Before he could point out it was the only way to get Jenny some retribution, Amanda chimed in. "She _has_ been acting out her whole life, high-risk behavior, but, you know, she has a right to know what's been triggering her."

"That's the emotional argument," Rafael pointed at her and continued on with what he'd been trying to get at for minutes now. "Legally, there's a possibility of restitution. But first Jenny has to identify herself as Lacy unknown."

"Ah, and you leave that assignment to us," Sonny's sarcasm was a shared sentiment amongst the squad.

"Who else would take it?" Rafael had good sense to take his leave. He definitely loved being a prosecutor sometimes.

The rest of the squad almost drew sticks to see who would get the assignment. In the end, Olivia made the graceful sergeant move and volunteered.

Amanda drew the smallest stick.

~0~

Days later brought no better moments for Jenny. After realizing - and accepting - she was Lacy, she was institutionalized to help her get back on her feet. Montserrat and Olivia visited Jenny when they felt Jenny would be able to have a conversation without affecting her health.

Jenny appeared better than the last time they'd seen her. Yes, she did appear to be a little jittery but it was nothing compared to the first time they met her.

"So how you doing, Jenny?" Olivia decided to start easy.

"I feel better," Jenny quickly said, as of her answer would carry the weight of whether or not she'd see her daughter again. And it probably did. "The first week, I just slept through, adjusting my meds. There's group crafts." She made a brief glance at the nearby tables in the room where several patients were immersed into small art crafts. "How's Maddie?"

"She's fine. She's in a foster home," Montserrat answered almost as fast as Jenny had. She assumed Jenny could only think about whether or not her daughter was fine. "And the doctors say you can Skype with her. We can help you set that up."

Jenny tried to smile but she ended up biting her lower lip. "I'm not gonna get her back, am I?"

"You just have to take care of yourself now so you can take care of her," Olivia said kindly, hoping that Jenny would see this was only for the best.

Still, Jenny could not find much peace. "The social worker told me medicaid won't let me stay too much longer, and Gary's so mad. He's not paying my rent."

"You're in for a fight, Jenny, but that's where this restitution money we talked about can help you," Montserrat reminded. Yes, the money's origin was not a good one but the intention of the money was.

Olivia cleared her throat before she cautiously started to explain the real reason they were visiting Jenny. "There's a sentencing hearing coming up soon. It's... it's an EMT who's convicted of possession. But you could write a victim's statement. It's a... it's a letter."

Jenny tried to follow, and she was. "A letter?" the two women nodded for her answer. Jenny considered her options, and her feelings, clearly for the first time. If she deserved some restitution then she thought she also deserved to face at least _one_ person who had hurt her in her life. "If it's okay, I wanna go. I want him to look me in the eyes. I want him to see me."

Both Montserrat and Olivia exchanged surprised glances. Of course they would let Jenny go, they just hoped she would be strong enough to follow through.

~0~

"You can put that one over there," Amanda pointed Fin to an empty spot on the interview table.

"Nick, that one can go there," Montserrat nodded to the small space at the edge of the table, opposite of Fin.

"You know, you two could help," Sonny said as he walked into the room carrying another box of papers. He, Fin and Nick simultaneously shot Montserrat and Amanda identical glares for their lack of assistance.

"Put some muscle into it and keep bringing them in," Amanda motioned the three to go get more of the boxes.

They were bringing in the notifications of arrests from the Lacy unknown case for when Jenny would stop by. Unfortunately, there were a lot of boxes to bring in and Montserrat and Amanda took the 'supervising' job.

"Are those - are those brownies?" Fin stopped when he caught Montserrat handing a brownie to Amanda.

"We're waiting for lunch to be delivered," Montserrat shrugged.

"You're both a lot of help," Sonny put down another box on an empty chair.

"Easy there Carisi, or I won't let you into my apartment for Kara anymore," Montserrat smirked when she drew the right attention from the rest of the team. Sonny looked ready to murder her on the spot.

"What's this?" Amanda began in a teasing manner. "Does our baby face have a crush on a girl?"

"That's not - stop looking at me like that!" Sonny snapped, but it didn't help when he heard Fin laugh from behind.

"If you're all done teasing, I could use some help," Nick said since he was the only one still bringing boxes in.

"Thank you," Sonny gestured at Nick as a prime example of what professionalism looked like.

"I'm sure we can discuss this crush at lunch," Nick made the remark as Sonny headed out of the room.

"God dammit!" they then heard the cry of the lanky detective.

Almost as soon as they were finished filling the interview room with boxes, Jenny and Olivia returned from their trip to court. Despite not being able to directly ask how the sentencing had gone, they could see Jenny was looking better. Still, it came to falter when she realized what was in the interview room.

"What's all this?" she sifted through a box without actually looking into the papers.

"As part of this process, the FBI has to notify the victim of each individual arrest. And there was a long backlog of 'Lacy unknown' downloads, so, during your recovery, we had them sent here," Olivia explained and soon began to see Jenny once again shrink in her spot.

"So I have to open all of these letters and then go to court and testify every time?" Jenny gazed at all the boxes in the room and though they multiplied in that one moment.

"Most of these men have been convicted. You can file a civil suit. But where you have the most leverage, Jenny, is with men that are awaiting sentencing."

"Every time," Jenny said in disbelief. "So I'm gonna be dealing with this for the rest of my life?" she didn't need Olivia to answer to know. "I can't. I just can't do it. I just can't!"

"Jenny-"

"Thank you, but no…" Jenny couldn't help herself and rushed out of the room.

When Olivia emerged from the interview room, the face she wore expressed everything that'd gone wrong. "Well…" she came to up the closest desk which was Fin's.

"I assume she didn't like the boxes," Amanda went first.

"No," Olivia confirmed. "It's going to be hard for her accept it…"

"It would be for anyone, Liv," Fin said as a means of comfort for the sergeant. Anyone who knew Olivia would know that by now she was blaming herself even when she had no logical fault.

"Hey, we just saw Jenny and she didn't look so good," Montserrat said when she and Sonny walked into the bullpen with their carry-out.

"It's a process," Olivia left it at that.

"Well, lunch is served," Sonny put down each member's order on their desk. "Tips are accepted."

"But not required," Nick made a motion for the man to step away with his waiting hand.

Sonny rolled his eyes and returned to his desk. As Olivia went to take her order from Montserrat, she saw Rafael coming in with an unusual expression. "Hey. You're smiling, Barba. Why is that freaking me out?"

"I've seen him smile...when he _eats_ ," Montserrat's remark earned herself various snickers from the rest of the squad, but not from the ADA.

"Sit, eat, be quiet," he pointed her back to her desk. Montserrat dutifully returned to her desk but still smirked proudly. "I came in with good news," Rafael went on to explain before she took another jab, which she seemed to enjoy doing a lot. "Jenny may have caught the first break of her life. The list that Corbett gave us with other pedophiles has a CEO on it. Roger Pierce, worth 20 million."

"How does that help Jenny?" Olivia forgone her lunch in that moment.

"I reread the violence against women act. Technically, the way the law is worded, it mandates that each offender compensates the victim for _all_ losses. The forensics team that you put on this estimated Jenny's need for restitution at over 4 million." And that's where Rafael's smile returned, quite wide too. "I'm going after Pierce for all of it. It's called joint and several liability. He's free to chase after the rest of Jenny's victimizers to collect the money. It becomes his problem, not hers."

"We can actually do that?" Amanda asked just to make sure they weren't going to lead Jenny down a farce.

"I'm going to do it in…" Rafael checked his wrist watch, "...about an hour when you bring Roger Pierce down. Eat lunch fast, will you?"

"Wow, you're still good," Montserrat said, this time getting a smirk back from him. "Oh, so that doesn't earn me a snap?"

"Not when you say smart things," he promptly quipped with. "So, what are we eating?"

"Not steak, so don't even ask," she motioned with a finger for him to come to her desk so he could see what lunch was.

"As long as it's nothing barbecued," he playfully warned her.

The mere act raised questionable looks from the rest of the team. The detective and ADA seemed a bit too comfortable with each other as if this wasn't the first time.

What an odd sight it was.

~0~

"Hi, do you know where I can find Detective Novak?" Kara Mackie stopped Fin and Nick as they emerged from the interview room, both carrying boxes of Jenny's case.

"She should be here, helping," Fin said rather sourly though knew Montserrat wasn't the only one who was avoiding the helping of bringing Jenny's papers back to storage.

"Did you need help?" Nick asked the woman neither of them had ever seen before.

"I'm her roommate, Kara Mackie," Kara stuck a hand out to shake but remembered neither man could afford letting go of their boxes. "We just had plans tonight."

"Lucky break you have," Nick nodded towards the hallway where they could hear conversations coming closer. He left Kara with the promise that Montserrat was coming then followed Fin out with the boxes in hands.

"So that's it? We're done with Jenny's case?" Amanda was asking.

"Pierce paid all of the $4 million of the restitution so it's done," Rafael confirmed. "You can tell Jenny tomorrow when it's all in paper."

"Seriously, you're _good_ ," Montserrat remarked with a matching impressed smile on her face.

"You still had doubts?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes, along with the others around them.

"I'm going to call Jenny right now and tell her the good news," Olivia said before making a beeline for her office. She didn't want Jenny going to sleep tonight with the idea that her life was going to remain a mess.

"Kara?" it was Sonny who noticed the blonde roommate standing near their desks.

Of course Kara broke into a big smile when she saw him. "Sonny, hi."

"That the one?" Amanda whispered to Montserrat who went 'mhm' in response.

"What are you doing here? Are you alright?" Sonny asked Kara, for a moment believing the worst.

Kara was quick to ease his thoughts. "I'm fine! I'm really fine! I-I just had plans with Montse."

"Oh…" Sonny sheepishly smiled and glanced back at his audience.

"Smooth," Montse said under her breath before moving towards her roommate.

"I'm Kara Mackie, by the way," Kara extended a hand towards Amanda.

The blonde detective smiled knowingly, eyes flickering to Sonny every second or so. "We know."

"And I'm not drunk this time so hello, properly," Kara smiled at Rafael, though a bit embarrassed from her drunken moment at the restaurant months ago.

"Nice to see you again, Kara," he nodded.

"Ready to go?" Montserrat asked Kara afterwards, already smiling. "I'm in a good mood today."

"That's new in this job," Kara blurted out, not that it mattered for Montserrat.

"We just watched him blackmail $4 million out of a stuck up, pedophilic CEO," Montserrat pointed over to Rafael.

"I did not blackmail-"

"-kind of what it looked like."

Rafael tilted his head in mild offence then glanced at Amanda and Sonny to see what they thought. Amanda made a face, indicating she was inclining towards Montserrat's claim. Sonny made a hand gesture indicating he was half and half.

"You know what, I'd like to see either of you try the same and succeed," he left things at that. That earned himself some rolling eyes.

"Relax, councilor, we're just teasing," Montserrat raised her hands to show she was done. She backed up to her desk to grab her purse and jacket. "I'll bring you some...what did I say I would bring next time it was my turn?"

"French food. You said French food," Rafael said a bit too fast.

"Of course you remembered," Montserrat swung her purse around her shoulder. "But next time you get me Chinese food." She flashed him a smirk then started heading out with Kara.

"We'll see," Rafael said but of course Montserrat knew there was no doubt he would follow through with his promise. It'd been like this for weeks now, after all. He noticed the odd stares from the others and realized what they must be thinking. "I'm going to see how Liv made that call," he decided and turned right for Olivia's office.

Montserrat walked alongside Kara towards the elevator, but she was dealing with her nosy roommate. "Kara, what do you want for dinner?"

"Uuh, whatever the hell you and the ADA are having apparently," Kara's smirk could crack her face in two.

"Don't even start," Montserrat pressed the elevator button and waited for the doors to open. "I've got a lot of material of you and Sonny, if you're going to play this game."

"But you _are_ having meals with him?" Kara put a hand on Montserrat's arm.

"Not like that, they've just been...business lunches and dinners," Montserrat shook Kara's hand off her and tried to keep a straight face. She knew how it sounded, but honestly it'd been exactly what she said. Somehow, they'd fallen into a routine of buying lunch or dinner for each other every once in a while. It was nothing fancy, and definitely nothing promising, but just a simple...gesture.

It was just that. It really was...

"Lunches _and_ dinners?" Kara laughed.

"We take turns paying, it's not a big deal!" Montserrat stepped into the elevator and turned around, catching sight of Kara's big smirk.

"Mhm," Kara nudged Montserrat on the side. "So how come you're blushing?"

"Shut up."

Kara's laughter filled the elevator.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Thanks for the reads! And since all the reviews pretty much said the same I'm gonna respond to you guys in one go: thanks so much for your kind words! It really makes my day knowing someone out there likes my stories! :)


	11. Rivalries

' _With only 12 days left until New York's mayoral election, the latest polls show state senator Alejandro Munoz still holding on to his lead. The time has come to fix our broken schools. The time has come to provide affordable housing for the hard-working people of the city. The time has come!_ '

"Ouch - Kara that hurt!" Montserrat scrunched her face after one particular strong hair pull from Kara's hands. "Are you even paying attention to what you're doing to my hair or are you watching TV?"

Kara pulled her hands from Montserrat's fiery orange hair and cheekily smiled behind Montserrat's chair. The two were in Kara's salon, before opening, and while Kara was attempting to try a new hair style using Montserrat, a lot of her attention seemed to be going towards the television up on the wall.

"I swear to God," Montserrat muttered as she decided to end this impromptu hair modeling gig by pulling out the bobby pins in her hair.

"Sorry, it's just elections are coming up and I wanna stay informed," the blonde hair stylist replied with, not even bothering to help Montserrat undo a knot on her hair. "My vote's going to Muñoz for sure. What about you?"

"Don't know, don't - OW!" Montserrat angrily glared at her reflection after feeling like she'd pulled skin off during the unknotting process.

Kara remained unfazed. "You don't know who you want for mayor?"

"Hasn't been on my radar yet but I've heard things about all parties. Can I go now?" Montserrat dropped the last bobby pin onto the salon table and turned to find Kara engulfed in her cellphone. "Nice to see the attention you give me."

Kara sarcastically rolled her eyes. "It's Damian. We were gonna get lunch but he's at your cousin's right now."

"What? Casey?"

"With Gael too," Kara put her phone in her back pocket. "Something about a client gone wrong? Issue? Not sure."

"Hm, I guess they're still having trouble. Maybe I can stop by," Montserrat said as she got up from her chair.

"What are you going to do? You're a cop not a lawyer!"

"Thanks, really. I haven't talked to Gael in weeks and I was meant to babysit his girls last week but he cancelled in a very short text," Montserrat turned to the mirror to fix her hair as best as possible. "I'll say hi to Damian for you."

"And while you're at it, remind him that he owes his little sister $20," Kara pointed in a serious, mocking, manner.

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes. "Hair model is gone!" she announced as she swiped her purse off the table.

"But coming back!" Kara reminded because she certainly had more styles to try out and as it turned out, Montserrat had very smooth hair.

~0~

On her way towards the D.A's office, Montserrat heard the distinct voice of her partner calling her name. Montserrat paused and looked back to see Sonny speeding to catch up with her, with, due to his long legs, was done in a quick stride.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Montserrat asked him.

"Warrant," Sonny said the magic word that could answer almost everything.

"Case of Jamil?"

"We got him this time," Sonny promised then motioned Montserrat to walk ahead.

"I sure hope so cos I'd love to see the smirk get wiped off his face already," Montserrat thanked him for opening the door for her but as she was about to step in, she bumped into a man. "Sorry," she apologized dutifully.

"Oh don't worry about it, bonita," a familiar man responded with.

Montserrat stepped back, accidentally bumping into Sonny at the same time. "I know you," the redhead said within the second. "My roommate was talking about you earlier. Alex Muñoz, you want to be our mayor."

The man in question smiled the same charming smile Montserrat saw on the television. "Sounds like I got her vote. What about you?"

"I... don't know yet," Montserrat shrugged then looked up at Sonny behind her.

"Don't know either," he admitted.

"Psh, you'll vote for whoever Kara will," Montserrat waved him off, missing Sonny's face of offence when she looked back to Alex. "But I have to say I'm surprised a candidate for mayor is here…?"

"Just visiting an old friend," Alex left it brief.

"K, well, promise I'll do my research," Montserrat politely reached for the door again.

"If you need any help deciding, you can always call me," and the man surprised her with a small card. "Always happy to help a citizen, especially cuando toca ser una linda mujer."

Montserrat slowly took the card from him, eyes glued to Alex's returning smile. It was cocky no doubt even when he walked off.

"Okay, I skipped Spanish class a lot in highschool but I'm not that bad to miss the fact he just made a pass at me," Montserrat turned to face Sonny with a wide grin, close to laughing.

"You're so not voting for him," Sonny ushered her inside, instigating her full laughter.

"What? Why not? You're not actually thinking that being overprotective of your crush's roommate will score you some good grade points?" Montserrat levelled an amused glance his way, one that made him roll his eyes.

"I'm gonna go get that warrant," Sonny decided to avoid another teasing round which, thanks to Montserrat, the squad now partook in.

"Sure, sure," Montserrat waved him off and headed for Casey's office. She was only a couple feet away when the office door opened. Damian was the first to emerge, letting Montserrat notice his face expression. Whatever problem they were having didn't seem to be getting any better.

"Hey," Montserrat walked towards them, but the closer she got the better she could see Gael's grim face. "Woah, what problem have you two got?"

"None of your business," Gael snapped at the same time Damian had answered "It's just business".

Montserrat raised her eyebrows in confusion. "What the hell's your problem, Gael?"

"Seriously?" the older brother snapped again which only confused Montserrat even more. "You're asking me what's _my_ problem after what you said about Dad?"

"Wait, you're actually mad about that?" Montserrat didn't know whether to laugh or not. It was plainly absurd. Though now she supposed it made sense why Gael cancelled her babysitting day.

"You said Dad was a bad parent-"

"-I did _not_ say that!" Montserrat couldn't believe they were actually going to have this argument.

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

Damian looked back and forth between the siblings as their argument got louder and louder. He tried to cut in but it didn't work. It rarely did. And it just seemed to attract more people out from the offices.

"How could you be so insensitive towards Dad!?"

"How could you be so stupid!?" Montserrat mimicked her brother's tone without a care in the world. "This is why you didn't let me babysit the girls last week?"

"I was afraid you'd call me a bad father too," Gael promptly said, and it honestly became hard for Montserrat not to smack him right there.

"Would you quit being such a baby!? I didn't say anything about our father that wasn't true! But that doesn't mean I said he was a bad father!"

Casey flung open her office door and fixated an incredulous glare on her two cousins. "Would you two quiet it down?" her input only seemed to make things worse.

"No, I will not 'quiet it down'-" Gael mimicking Casey as well earned himself another glare from the woman, "-when my sister is being so ungrateful to our father!"

"I'M NOT!" Montserrat outright shouted, which then called forth her partner.

"Montse, what's going on?" Sonny emerged from Rafael's office, along with the ADA himself.

"The entire building can hear you," Rafael added.

Montserrat, frustrated, motioned them all to be quiet. "I'm not doing anything except defending myself from ridiculous accusations by my dear big brother!"

"You got a lot of nerve, Montserrat," Gael got face to face with his younger sister. "You want to call our father a bad parent when he worked his ass off to get both of us through? While Regina was out probably partying, he was there reading you stories and helping me with my homework-"

"-but I never said anything! And you know damn well that I know what Regina did."

"Well it doesn't seem like it-"

"-Gael-" Casey once again stepped in but the man went over her words anyways.

"-but of course you'd never understand. You're still thinking Mommy is coming back. You always thought that-"

"-screw you, Gael," Montserrat felt there was nothing left to say.

"Montserrat!" Casey hissed.

"Montse, why don't we head back to the station together?" Sonny made his own attempt as well.

"Yeah, go back to work and act like you didn't insult our father," Gael spat and finally moved around Montserrat to head for the exit.

"I'm so sorry," Damian felt like he needed to apologize to Casey at least for the siblings' brawl but it wasn't like Casey was new to it.

"We're good, go," Casey gave him the nod that it was alright for him to leave.

"No, we are not good!" Montserrat turned with the intention of catching up with her brother. "If he wants to talk about Regina then let's have it!" But of course she was stopped by both Sonny and Rafael. She fought the two for a bit before she finally backed off. "Taking his side?" she snapped at both of them.

"Easy there, Novak," Rafael pointed a finger at her to keep her from trying again. "You've got the whole building watching you."

"I don't care," she snapped. "If he wants to talk about Regina then I can do it."

"At another time," he snapped this time. "I'll find her myself if that'll shut both of you up."

That seemed to trigger her. "You know what, if you think you can find Regina Ramos then be my frikin guest because I haven't been able to find her in 25 years!" This particular spat startled Rafael due to the ferocity lacing her words. Even her expression had gone ballistic and he'd seen quite a lot of things in his line of work.

"Montserrat," Casey once again attempted to calm her cousin but Montserrat waved Casey off and took off in a storm.

"What the hell was that?" Sonny jerked a thumb over his shoulder, completely lost on the show they'd seen.

"What do you think? Another sister-brother brawl," Casey sighed. "How many siblings do you have again?"

Sonny playfully rolled his eyes. "My sisters and I have never argued like that."

"Who the hell is this Regina and why is she making such trouble?" asked Rafael. He'd certainly like to know why he'd garnered such a snap from Montserrat.

Casey knew what he was thinking and decided to answer only to clarify what Montserrat was dealing with. "Regina is Montserrat's and Gael's mother. She...sort of walked out on them when they were just kids." Casey sighed when she saw the sorrowful expressions on the men's faces. "And that's why Montse doesn't talk about that because she hated the pity faces she would get afterwards. She doesn't like talking about it, period. I mean, you guys got a firsthand look at what happens, and you-" she gestured at Rafael, "-got a firsthand _taste_."

"Wouldn't be the first time I accidentally probed where I shouldn't have," the ADA shrugged, though inside he was feeling a tad remorseful (which he didn't like one bit).

"I would just tread lightly," Casey parted with that warning and returned to her office.

"How the hell do we 'tread lightly' after that?" Rafael was left with an unanswered question.

"We take slow steps," Sonny decided it was as close to a proper answer as they could get to.

~0~

Montserrat practically stalked into her apartment that evening with a white paper bag in one hand, and a half eaten brownie in the other. Kara looked up from her dinner plate with a mouth full of spaghetti, one noodle in particular dangling below her chin.

"What's...wrong with...you?" Kara said while she swallowed the whole food in her mouth.

"My brother's an idiot," Montserrat spat and trudged into the living room to take her coat and shoes off. She stuffed her mouth with the remainder of her brownie. Kara watched her ginger roommate chuck the paper bag (aggressively one should add) to the couch before plonking down to take off her boots.

"Uh, my brother's an idiot too. All big brothers are. Didn't you get the memo?" Kara's light joke was met with a cold deadpanning look. "Okay. Um, I know I'm going to regret asking but shouldn't you be at work?"

"I asked Liv for a personal day. She's very understanding," Montserrat threw her boot across the living room, missing how Kara winced when the hell of one boot hit the television furniture piece. She then pulled her phone out of her back pocket and let it drop (not so gently) against the glass coffee table.

Kara feared for her furniture's safety. "Um, okay, so...would you like dinner…? I made spaghetti," she motioned to her plate which was half empty already.

"Since when?" Montserrat unceremoniously snorted. "You always complain how you never got that one."

"Sonny gave me a recipe," the blonde shrugged.

Montserrat shot her roommate a look. "You're trading recipes now?" but she decided in that second that she didn't even want to get into that potential romance that was sure to make her gag. "Never mind. No, I don't want dinner."

"Right, cos stuffing your face with brownies is the better way to go," Kara's sarcasm was once again responded with a cold glare. "What's going on, Montse?"

"You mean Damian didn't call? Not even Sonny?" Montserrat grabbed her paper bag and reached for another brownie.

"No...should I call one of them…?"

"Oh, right, like you need another reason to call Sonny - stop with that!" Montserrat pretended to shiver, making Kara roll her eyes, and took a bit of her new brownie. "Gael's still mad at me for what I said about our Dad leaving us alone sometimes. He thinks I actually called my father a bad parent."

"But I'm sure you didn't mean it like that-"

"-yeah, I know," Montserrat's sudden cut in sounded rude but Kara knew Montserrat needed to vent right now and this was how she did it. "He even went ahead and brought in Regina, like I don't know what she did to us."

Kara wouldn't even try to say anything about Regina Ramos. That topic had always been a delicate one that usually resulted in arguments between Gael and Montserrat. Their mother abandoning them as kids had left raw pain that hadn't really see any healing.

"Gael is an idiot. And more than that, he's…" Montserrat couldn't even finish without getting furious all over again. "We argued outside Casey's office and...we got loud."

"...how loud?" Kara raised an eyebrow, knowing well where this was headed.

"Pretty loud."

"Were there people?"

"...when we were finished…"

"Oh, Montse. How mad was Casey?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask her when I stormed out of there after threatening Sonny and Rafael."

"Oh Montse," Kara shook her head disapprovingly.

"Gael made me so mad!"

"That's not an excuse, that's just a sister-brother relationship," Kara dug her fork into her spaghetti. "Only now you're actually held responsible for your actions."

Montserrat hated when Kara was right. She just hated it. Thankfully, someone knocked on their door, preventing Kara from continuing with her lecture.

"It's probably the Andersons downstairs complaining about your stomping," Kara warned as Montserrat went up to answer the door.

"I've still got some colorful words left if you're interested," Montserrat said before opening the door. "Great, what are you doing here?" her initial whine made Kara lean to the side to try and see who was at the door. If it was Gael, she'd take cover for sure.

"Seriously, I don't get paid enough to be your partner," Sonny said with a straight face.

Montserrat deadpanned him but took his sarcasm to heart. He probably came around trying to see if she was okay, not for Kara nor for the sake of their work... but to be a friend. Those thoughts softened her expression and made her remember some politeness. "Come on in, Sonny."

"Careful, she bites when she's angry," Kara said while Montserrat shut the door.

"I come bearing gifts," Sonny raised his hand that held a white plastic bag.

"You didn't have to," Montserrat was now feeling exceptionally guilty for her behavior earlier in the day.

"After that kind of fight, yeah, I had to," Sonny held the bag for her to take.

"I heard plural which just makes me feel awful," Montserrat admitted as she rummaged through the bag. A smile came to her face when she caught whiff of the familiar peanut butter cannolis inside one box. "And I guess Kara gets to enjoy my guilty moment."

"Why?" asked the blonde in question. She scarfed down her spaghetti and looked in their direction.

"Peanut butter cannolis," was all Montserrat had to say for Kara to jump out of her seat.

"Sonny, you didn't!?" she zipped towards them and practically yanked the bag out of Montserrat's hands to see for herself. She squeaked when she confirmed the cannolis and suddenly planted a kiss on Sonny's cheek.

Montserrat nearly laughed when she saw how red Sonny had become in less than a minute. She honestly didn't think Kara even realized what she'd done.

"You better apologize to him right now," Kara wagged a finger at Montserrat.

Montserrat rolled her eyes but did know when it was time to give in. "I _am_ sorry, Sonny. I got carried away and I...it was _not_ the place."

"Look, I get it, siblings can be…" Sonny wouldn't even finish that sentence because they all knew what he meant. "I just hope you're feeling better about things. Casey told us about...your mom? She said few things-" he said quickly before Montserrat assumed the worst, "-and I want you to know that Barba and I understand you were in a...special type of moment."

" _Very_ special moment…" Kara muttered under her breath.

"Shut up," Montserrat warned her. "Go eat your spaghetti already."

"You made spaghetti?" Sonny's attention was momentarily driven towards Kara. "Did you use the recipe I left you?"

"Of course," Kara smiled. "And it really was better than that frozen crap Montse buys."

"Hey," went the ginger with offence. Now it was Kara who motioned for silence. "I'm going to my room," Montserrat announced and snatched the cannolis from Kara's hands. "Thanks Sonny. And just so we're clear, Kara's not getting any."

"Rude," Kara frowned and watched her roommate go off into the hallway.

Sonny chuckled and offered to buy more another day. That perked Kara right up. Montserrat's phone started buzzing against the glass coffee table, cutting short Kara's beam.

"I really hope it's not Gael trying to continue the fight," Kara mumbled as she went to get the phone.

"Maybe he's calling to apologize?" Sonny offered another alternative but Kara shook her head.

"Looks like we're both wrong," she grabbed the phone off the table and waved the phone at Sonny, letting him see the caller ID on the screen. "Your friend's calling to check up on Montse, maybe?"

Sonny made a face that Kara found difficult not to laugh at. "Barba would never call to 'check up' on anyone."

"You came to check up on Montse, why can't Rafael do the same?"

"Because he just doesn't."

Kara's face clearly said that wasn't an answer.

"He doesn't do that sort of stuff, trust me," and that left Sonny wondering why Rafael would choose to do start doing it now.

"Hm, then Montse must be special enough to catch his attention," Kara made way for the hallway but the phone stopped buzzing. "But apparently I'm slow to help." She turned back with a disappointed expression.

"You might be right about the first thing," Sonny conceded as he thought back to the various moments of strange behaviors between Montserrat and Rafael. "But that could also be because she nearly had a kid in his courtroom."

Kara laughed. "One of Montse's finest moments. Whatever, if he meant to check up, he'll call again and this time I'll be ready." She bit her lip and looked back to the kitchen where her lonesome plate remained on the table. "I've made enough for two but it looks like Montserrat's already got dinner so...you want to stick around? Give me some feedback on the spaghetti."

"Okay," Sonny nodded. "But I doubt you got anything wrong. You're a good cook."

Kara chuckled. "I like to think that I am. C'mon, I'll get you a plate." She walked past Sonny and tucked Montserrat's phone in her back pocket to be on red alert in case Rafael were to call again. She probably should have given the phone to Montserrat but, truth be told, she was curious herself about her roommate and the ADA.

To her surprise (and Sonny's), Rafael did call again that night.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat gripped her coffee cup all the way to her desk. She saw Olivia and Nick heading out, probably to continue questioning their latest victim. She plonked down at her desk and went back to her paperwork which seemed to get bigger every time she paused to look.

"You sure you don't want to take a break?" Amanda stopped by her desk with Fin beside her. "Our comfy Chinese place is always open for a third guest."

Montserrat smiled at the two. "No, I'm good. I'll get lunch later."

"And I'll make sure she actually does," Sonny reassured since they learned fast that Montserrat tended to skip meals when she felt swamped by work.

"Your call," Fin nodded to Amanda towards the hallway.

"You _are_ getting lunch, right?" Sonny asked after the other two were gone.

"Yes, at some point," Montserrat dug her nose into a particular file.

Sonny rolled his eyes and went back to work at his end. He paused, though, when he noticed Montserrat picking at her hair every minute or so. "What are you doing?"

Montserrat put her pen down and groaned. "Kara keeps using me as her hair model and today was apparently a big ole crown braid." Her ginger hair was picked up with a large-sized crown braid adorning her her head from ear to ear.

"It looks nice," Sonny's compliment was met with a loud scoff.

"You're only saying that because Kara made it."

"You know, not everything I do is dependent on Kara."

"Sure."

Sonny decided to just keep quiet from now on.

Fifteen minutes passed and Montserrat finished her coffee - or drowned it - so she got up for a refill.

"Sonny, you want one?"

"Nah, let's head out for lunch already," his suggestion flew over Montserrat's head as the ginger went to get more coffee.

Montserrat returned two minutes later, surprised that Sonny hadn't continued calling her name out. Of course when she saw him talking to Rafael she understood why.

"They went to go talk to her, I promise," Sonny insisted yet Rafael still looked rather doubtful. "We're doing what you asked, alright? You can call Liv right now to confirm if you want."

Montserrat awkwardly cleared her throat as she neared her desk, gaining both men's attention. "Are we finished…?"

"You're one to talk," Rafael scoffed, but Montserrat took that with a nod. She deserved it.

"C'mon councilor," Sonny gave a disapproving tilt of his head towards Rafael.

"No, it's totally fine, Sonny," Montserrat shrugged her shoulders, though her casualness seemed to end at her fingertips since she was once again gripping her coffee cup. "I was rude, so...you two get a free pass."

"It shouldn't be like that," Rafael was the one to say as he considered once more the circumstances of her outburst.

"I wasn't professional and I accept that," Montserrat nodded. "You were the one to tell me, after all. Leave my problems at home and any other thing related to my personal life. Work is a place for work only."

And as she said all that, Rafael felt that twinge of guilt knowing he was virtually doing the exact opposite of his words right now. Because of that, he felt obligated to let her episode go. More than that, it was the right thing to do.

"Montserrat it's fine." The usage of her first name made Montserrat smile - it was a sure sign he forgave her completely.

"Thanks," she whispered.

Rafael nodded at her in return. His eyes gazed at the pretty empty bullpen and figured no one would be returning anytime soon despite the cases going on. He watched as Montserrat pull her desk chair to sit back down. Even as she tried to get back to work, it was easy to tell the problems with her brother weren't letting her focus.

He honestly felt that.

And maybe it was because he felt they were in a similar place at the moment, or...maybe for another reason he didn't know of, but he spoke up with a request. "Montserrat do you want to get something to eat?"

Montserrat paused and looked up, momentarily surprised since they hadn't had a meal together in a while now. The fact Sonny's eyes were flickering from her to Rafael - not so discreetly - made it all a little more on the spot.

Was her face warm?

"I would…" Montserrat was in the middle of making her answer when she recalled Sonny's insistence to get lunch together already. She quickly looked at the lanky detective with wide eyes. "But I told you I'd get lunch with y-"

Sonny raised his hands to show it was fine. "No, no, I've still got work to do." A _lie_. He was _starving_. "You go ahead."

"O-okay," Montserrat reached for her bag tucked in one of her drawers then looked to Rafael with a growing smile. "My turn to pay?"

"No, it's on me," he smiled right back at her. He felt awkward with the staring eyes of Sonny so he hoped Montserrat would get a move on already.

"I'll see you later," Montserrat told Sonny as she got up to leave.

"Hey, when is Kara's lunch hour?" Sonny's question earned him a deadpanning look from the ginger woman. "Hey, if you get to go on a date, then I get to go on a date."

"It's not a date," went Montserrat and Rafael simultaneously, quickly exchanging glances with each other to make sure the other knew they didn't think it was a date.

"Fine," Sonny picked his battles carefully and decided Kara would probably have a much better idea on how to go about this. "But seriously, when is her lunch hour?"

"Carisi, leave her alone," Rafael motioned Montserrat to walk ahead, and the look he gave Sonny just made things even more suspicious for Sonny.

Oh, Kara was definitely going to have something to say about this.

~ 0 ~

Steak. Steak was unofficially declared as the favorite meal.

"How could you get barbecue on that?" Rafael crinkled his nose when Montserrat practically savored her barbecued drenched steak.

"The real question is how could you _not_ put barbecue on it," Montserrat smiled widely after swallowing.

"Some of us have taste," Rafael's straight answer made her laugh.

"And some of us are just plain rude. Guess who's who?"

Rafael took that as a tie between them and took more of his plate. It was refreshing to have someone who could keep up with his 'sharp mouth' as Olivia often said he had. As he ate, he watched her cautiously like he was waiting for something. And it seemed like Montserrat knew just what he was waiting for.

"I'm not gonna shout at you again. Gael's not here," she reminded him and reached for her glass.

"But are you...are you doing better now?" he asked slowly, now fully taking Casey's warning to tread lightly on the subject.

Montserrat appreciated his concern. "I'm...better in that I don't feel like shouting at anyone. But Gael's still not speaking to me." And even as she tried to smile a little, it was easy to see how big of a struggle it was.

There were probably plenty ways to start, but for some reason Rafael couldn't think of the right way. "About...about your...your…"

"This is the first time I've seen you speechless, councilor," Montserrat's smile widened, becoming a genuine smile in the process. "Have to say, I like it. But don't do that in court."

Rafael rolled his eyes at her, though her small-time humor did make things easier sometimes for them. "I meant about...Regina?" he watched the sarcasm fade from her face all too fast.

"I have nothing to say about that woman," Montserrat grabbed her glass again, drinking as a form of retreat. It pretty much said the opposite of her words.

"Except it looks like you do." And that was the thing about Rafael, he was trained to be observant. "And the things Gael said…"

"Look," Montserrat tinkered with her glass on the table, "Gael hates our mother. He despises her because she walked out on us when we were kids. Now, _h_ remembers more since he was older, so naturally he has more reason to hate her. He remembers the love and warmth Regina deprived him of...I don't." Her attempt at a careless shrug failed. "I was four. I can't remember her that well except she knitted me this little pink sweater that I used to wear _everywhere_. And I mean, mothers don't make things like that if they didn't love you, right?"

She knew it was an unfair question to make, putting Rafael on the spot like that (not that he wasn't used to it) but it was something that always nagged at her mind. If her mother went through the trouble of knitting that sweater then it had to mean she did it because she _wanted_ to, because she loved her daughter. It was right... right?

"I shouldn't have asked that," she said once she'd gone through her thoughts twice and realized how out of line it was.

"Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have," Rafael's agreement elicited quite a look from Montserrat. "I mean, it's not like my answer is going to make a difference." He smirked when Montserrat understood his point. "Is it?"

"Sometimes I actually hate you," she muttered though he laughed it off.

"And yet you're still here. How's your lunch by the way?" His not-so-subtle reminder that he was paying for their lunch wasn't made for bad intentions but if not to remind her in general of their little agreements.

You didn't go out for meals with someone you actually hated.

"It's actually very good, thanks…" Montserrat debated whether or not to be very specific about what she was thanking him for since it borderlined a different line of their friendship. "Thank you," she ended up saying anyways, nervously fidgeting in her chair afterwards.

Rafael completely understood her and nodded. "Anytime."

Montserrat found herself smiling more than she should have and quickly looked to her half-eaten food on her plate. "Okay, we're done with the unprofessionalism for now I promise."

"Novak, you don't have to keep worrying about that. Trust me, I finally understand it's not that easy being so detached."

Now that pulled Montserrat's gaze off her food in a millisecond. "I'm sorry, are you saying you were _wrong_?"

Rafael deadpanned her but even that didn't stop her from looking so wide-eyed. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," he warned.

"But I'm not acting…"

Rafael searched her face for any indication that she knew of their recent case's problem, but there was nothing. "H-how...you _do_ know about our case at the moment, right?"

"With the shoe model? Yeah, I've been following it like everyone else. Why?"

"Novak you're not kidding me, are you?"

"No, I am not. What did I miss?"

Rafael wondered how out of it Montserrat had to have been for her not to know what their case was doing to him and the squad. So, he began to tell her just how close he was to the suspect in their custody at the moment.

"Wait a minute, so you're friends with our mayor-to-be Alex Muñoz?" Montserrat chuckled at the irony. "Kara loves him. She has me and Sonny already lining up to vote for him."

"Well, Alex is a pretty good candidate," Rafael said as impartially as possible.

"Yeah, and a flirt," Montserrat's statement did not pass well with him.

"Excuse me?"

"I met him outside the DAs building just before meeting with Gael. I only talked to him for like two minutes and it was enough to confirm he is a _flirt_." Montserrat reached for her glass on the table. "He gave me his number and everything."

"He's _married_ ," Rafael said with a deep frown on his face, though the fact Montserrat nearly choked on her drink made him believe she didn't know that detail.

"What?" the poor woman reached for a napkin to dry her mouth. Her big wide eyes looked at him for some explanation.

"He's married and has three daughters. How did you not know that?"

"Because I work a ten hour shift?" Montserrat snapped and cleared her throat. "Hey, I did _not_ flirt with him. You can ask Sonny - he was there. I didn't do anything."

"Maybe you misunderstood Alex's intentions," Rafael said alternatively, though there was something in the pit of his stomach that told him something else that was wrong was already brewing.

Montserrat would have argued that she most certainly did not misread his intentions but he already looked so...conflicted about the case. She didn't want to make things worse. "So, you grew up with these guys?"

Rafael slowly nodded his head. "Yeah…" but even then he still wasn't shifting away from the other topic.

Montserrat tried again and hoped for some luck. "Were you really close? Or was it like a hello-bye basis thing?"

"N-no, um…" Rafael shook his head and got back into the topic at hand. "We grew up together. The three of us. Los tres mosqueteros de Jerome Avenue. The three musketeers of Jerome Avenue."

Montserrat laughed. "Like the three musketeers, that's adorable. And I will be sure to remind you of that whenever you need it. Or when I feel like it."

A smile came to Rafael's face whether he had wanted it or not. "The joy."

"So you guys were like a close a team, then?"

"Mhm. Alex had the heart. I had the mouth, of course-"

"Of course," Montserrat smiled so widely it might have cracked her face in two.

"Eddie had the muscle to protect us when we got into trouble."

"And what kind of trouble did our young ADA get into?"

"Stop it."

"Impossible." Montserrat leveled his look until her lips curled into a smile, which was done in a pretty impressive time. Anyone else would have looked away out of sheer uncomfortableness. Eventually, she gave in but only because she wanted to get to something really important. "I hate to bring it up but please tell me you're not actually wanting us to...look the other way in this case because you happen to know the perp?"

The sheer 'perp' mention made Rafael uncomfortable. He never wanted to believe any of his friends could be capable of some atrocity. "I would never do that. I am only asking that you all get the facts before taking any action."

"...fair enough," Montserrat conceded with a small nod of her head. "But can I ask you something now?"

"Of course."

"How did you know the perp was a friend of yours? My understanding is you don't get involved until _we_ call _you_ and...I distinctly remember you being there when we first brought Eddie in."

"Alex came to talk to me," Rafael said, shrugging his shoulders and missing Montserrat's moment of pause.

"So...our mayor-to-be had time to do all this when he's near the elections?"

Rafael was about to take a drink but paused midway to give Montserrat a look. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'm sorry to say but people in Alex's situation don't really have time to look for anyone's back but their own," Montserrat expected some type of reprimand for her words judging by the look on Rafael's face.

"Eddie's been volunteering for him. He's been driving him around during the campaign and since - like I said before - we are all childhood friends, it's natural we try to help each other out."

"Right," Montserrat was smart enough to know it was time to keep her mouth shut. She didn't know who these men were so she should probably leave that up to Rafael for when the case gets further made. Still, now that she knew more details about the case there were some conflicts she could see coming into play very soon.

Just as they were finishing up their lunch, Rafael heard his phone go off. Soon as he fished it out of his pocket, he saw Olivia's name on the screen. "It's Liv." His tone of voice radiated anxiety so Montserrat assured him she was all done with lunch.

The two returned to the precinct quickly and listened - just like the others - as Olivia and Nick relayed their latest visit to Lindsey. Apparently, she was taking everything back and even adding new details...ones that didn't fit really well.

"Lindsay told you Eddie came into the store with his wife?" Rafael raised an eyebrow at Nick. "No chance. He hasn't seen her in three years. She's partying in Miami…"

"Are you sure?" Nick had still decent suspicion towards their perp and wasn't going to be letting it go just because said perp happened to know their ADA. "Cause he still wears his ring."

"I'm sure. Eddie's... eh, he's just catolico, loyal."

"So Lindsay saw the ring, tried to make up a story," Olivia was on the boat of keeping peace amongst them. "Yeah, then she says that she'd be more comfortable just talking to Nick."

"Because she thinks she has a better chance of working the male partner," Amanda made a face of disapproval, shared by the rest.

"So she's lied to you, tried to manipulate you…" Rafael almost started listing off with his fingers when Nick cut in.

"So did Eddie."

"I know Eddie's story," Rafael said all too quick, warning a mini-glare from Nick. "What's hers? Find out. Now." He gave all of them a sharp look before heading out.

"Great going, I had him relaxed twenty minutes ago," Montserrat made it as a joke but some of them took it to heart.

"Yeah, we heard about your impromptu date from Sonny," Fin said with a tiny of a smirk on his lips.

"It was not a - wait, where's Sonny?" Montserrat looked around for the lanky detective.

"He's with that roommate of yours," Amanda answered her and almost laughed at the wide-eyed look Montserrat did.

"I'll kill him." She huffed and went for her desk to get started on their work.

"Not until after 10 you won't," Olivia said a she passed Montserrat. "I need everyone working on this right now."

Montserrat huffed but obeyed. Of course it didn't help one bit when Sonny returned fifteen minutes later wearing a big smile on his face. Clearly he had a good time. And when she got home that night, Kara would be up and ready to tell Montserrat how much of a good time she had too.

"He just, like... surprised me! He finally brought me to that place he goes to when he brings cannolis! Let me just tell you that they are better fresh at the store - Montse?" Kara paused when she saw the ginger rubbing her temples. Montserrat had a laptop set in front of her but it appeared whatever she'd been looking at was no longer her interest.

"Kara, this is not a good idea," Montserrat dropped her hands to the kitchen table.

"What isn't?"

"You, Sonny...whatever that even is - it's not a good idea."

Kara's eyebrows knitted together. "Why not?"

"Because of it _doesn't_ work out, guess who's gonna be the one that'll be stuck in the middle?" Montserrat swirled her index finger before pointing at herself with it. "Me."

"That's kind of selfish, don't you think?" Kara plopped down at chair next to her.

"No, just being mindful of a potential future."

Kara playfully rolled her eyes. "Well, thank you for your concern but as far as I'm concerned, things are going just _fine_. It is, after all, _my_ life." Montserrat sighed not so quietly but did concede with Kara on that point. "Besides, if anyone should be mindful of who they go out with, it should be _you_."

It was Montserrat's turn to be thoroughly confused. "Me? What for?"

A smirk tugged at Kara's lips as she answered the question. "Sonny mentioned that you basically dumped him at lunch today for the ADA."

"I'm seriously going to kill him," Montserrat shook her head. "We won't have to worry about things not working out because he'll be found dead tomorrow morning."

Kara laughed at her roommate's dramatics. "Oh c'mon, he did you a solid. Anyone else would've been on your ass for leaving them right before lunch."

Knowing exactly where Kara was headed at, Montserrat decided to beat her to it and explain the famous lunch she has today. "I still needed to apologize and Rafael suggested we go to lunch-"

"-suggested or _asked_ because Sonny mentioned it was more of an ask-"

"-stop! I'll kill him!"

Kara laughed again. Montserrat slammed her laptop lid shut and moved to get up, prompting Kara to sober quickly. "Okay, okay, I'll stop!" she put one hand over Montserrat's arm. "I honestly thought it was kind of sweet he asked you, even when you've been avoiding him for days. Anyone else would've...well...avoided you too."

Montserrat sighed realizing Kara was right. She let herself fall back into her chair. "Yeah, it was. Rafael has his moments."

"A lot with you," Kara muttered not so quietly. Montserrat practically growled and got up from her chair. She made a beeline for her room. "I'm sorry!" Kara laughing didn't exactly help Montserrat believe her.

"You're a child!" Montserrat shouted before slamming her bedroom door shut.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Hi! I'm back! I had to take a pause on my work due to family visits and my own personal health issues. Hope to be back now, though!  
And for the reviews: thanks so much guys! Glad you're liking the story and hope you liked this chapter as well ;)


	12. History

The fact Lindsay may have been lying about rape charges was not a big shocker for anyone in SVU. However, the part of _who_ was really her target may have been a surprise for someone else. Still, despite the difficulty, the squad knew they had a duty to lay out the truth no matter how difficult.

"She sent _what_ to _who_?" Montserrat shivered and it wasn't from the morning breeze. Since she'd been a little late to work, Olivia, Sonny and Nick were briefing her in on some details she'd missed from the case before they met with Rafael.

"Don't make us repeat that," Nick opened the door for everyone and was the last to come in.

"Yeah I don't want to hear it again either," Sonny crinkled his nose.

Montserrat figured they were right and kept walking beside Olivia. She almost followed Olivia into Rafael's office when she saw a familiar face coming down the hall. "Damian?" Seeing him made Montserrat immediately search for her brother nearby.

"He's not here, Montse," Damian said in an apologetic tone.

Montserrat nodded her head, figuring she should've seen that coming. "Right, he wouldn't come here if he knows there's always a chance of seeing me."

"Montserrat, don't be dramatic-"

"Yeah, no, he hates me," Montserrat said with absolutely no hesitation. "My brother hates me."

Damian tried to remain unfazed by that but it was impossible when he was so close to both sides. Instead, he looked past her to the others and smiled. "Sibling rivalries take a whole other level with these two. I'm Damian Mackie, by the way." He moved to shake hands with Olivia first, followed by Nick and then a more casual one for Sonny.

"They're my co-workers," Montserrat glumly said.

"Oh, yeah, I know. Montserrat and Kara talk a lot," Damian said to the trio, prompting a smile from all three. "It's nice to meet you." He then turned to Montserrat, seeing her still glum due to her brother's behavior. "Hey, cheer up-"

Montserrat perked up immediately and tried to downplay the problem. "I'm fine, trust me. I'm a little sister - I've had problems with Gael before." Her smile faltered, however, when she looked from Damian to the others. They were all staring right at her with that... _look_. It was a look of sympathy.

"Montse," Damian spoke quieter and stepped closer to her. "It's okay." The woman shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "Hey, do you want to get some dinner later? You can vent all you'd like."

A smile came to Montserrat's lips. "Nice offer. We'll talk."

Damian smiled back at her. "I'll call you later, then."

"Mhm," Montserrat nodded, though part of her knew it wouldn't make much of a difference how much she vented. The reality was her brother hated her.

"Well, you're certainly full of dates," Sonny's playful remark brought her back to the present.

Montserrat turned to find him and Nick giving her identical smirks. Olivia was of course the only one who remained normal, but she knew exactly where this was headed.

"Excuse me?" the ginger raised an eyebrow at her partner.

Sonny looked pretty proud of himself for making connections he _thought_ were connections. "C'mon, first with Barba-"

"-was not a date-"

"-and now with Damian-"

"-also...not a date," Montserrat was smiling only out of courtesy. She didn't actually appreciate these types of accusations.

"Hmm, a meal at a fancy restaurant sounds like a date to me," Sonny pretended to second guess himself so he glanced at Nick. "What do you think?"

Both men flatout ignored Montserrat's growing glare and Olivia's disapproval.

"Did she ask Barba or did he-"

"-no _he_ asked _her_ ," Sonny said and Nick nodded before continuing.

"And then we heard Damian ask her to dinner, so...yeah, it sounds like a date to me," Nick flashed a smile at Montserrat.

Montserrat silently vowed that the laws were the only things keeping her from killing the two. "What do you two know?" she snapped then pointed at Nick. "You're divorced and you're-" she moved her finger to Sonny, "-single as they come." She gave the two a nod and stormed away.

Both Sonny and Nick blinked at her boldness then looked over to Olivia to see what she would say. The Sergeant languidly shrugged her shoulders, giving them a ' _you asked for it_ ' look in return.

Montserrat walked into Rafael's office without much of a greeting as he would expect, even if it was a sarcastic one at times. She made a beeline for the stock of alcohol he kept at a table.

"Help...yourself," Rafael gave her a strange look from his desk.

Montserrat nodded towards the incoming Sonny and Nick as her explanation for her entrance. It actually was enough reason. Rafael was no stranger to that type of drinking. He may or may not have mumbled 'drink all you'd like' under his breath after thinking of the many times the detectives gave him headaches.

"Good news, bad news, counselor," Olivia's announcement didn't exactly lift Rafael's spirits. "Eddie wasn't in a relationship with Lindsay, and he wasn't trying to rape her. .."

"Get to the bad part…" Rafael hesitated to say.

"Well, we think she may have been in a relationship with Alex Muñoz," Nick answered perhaps a bit too fast. "And when she tried to shake him down, Alex sent Eddie over to tune her up."

"Interesting theory. Is that all it is?"

"You know it isn't or we wouldn't be here," Montserrat lowered her glass to say. "Lindsay's M.O. is to get her hooks into powerful, married men."

"Basically, she's a heat-seeking missile, and Eddie has no heat but Alex does," Sonny laid the truth out in simpler terms.

"If you knew Yelina, you'd know he'd never step out on her," was Rafael's curt response, but the others knew it was practically impossible for him to react any other way.

"But who knows if he would," Montserrat's challenge didn't make it easier for him. "How long has it been since you've talked with any of these people again?"

"That is of no relevance, Novak."

"Now hold on, it does," Nick stepped in. "Look, if Eddie was sent to assault her or scare her-"

"I understand what you're saying, and you're wrong. But take the steps you would with any other investigation. No one's interfering," Rafael gestured the door to them as a sign they could go ahead and continue with their work. He'd have nothing to do nor say about it.

"Easier said than done," Montserrat quietly said as she left her near empty glass on his desk. She wasn't being smug, not a know it all, she was just making a true statement. Unfortunately, said true statement earned herself quite a look from the ADA.

~0~

"What do you mean she's got some high profile job now? She was a shoe model for God's sake," Montserrat couldn't figure out how the hell Lindsay managed to snub them all and disappear in the night only to resurface in Israel as a political consultant.

" _Unemployed_ shoe clerk," Amanda corrected, the two women sharing a hum later.

Olivia crossed the white board in front of them and took a seat at the edge of the conference table. "We've been played."

" _Badly_ ," Fin added with his own touch of annoyance.

"She's working for Telling Aviv now and guess who runs that campaign?" Sonny came up to them with his own information. "Hank Abraham."

Olivia couldn't roll her eyes harder. That man wasn't the easiest person to deal with, and now it seemed like he would become part of their case. "Alright, fine, we need to go talk to him and find out how the hell this happened."

"We should also talk to Mr. Muñoz about this," Nick's sourness wasn't even bothered to be hidden. "See what he has to say about all this."

It was clear that Olivia was reluctant considering what that entailed. Still, she had to put her job first. "Do it."

"I'll go," Montserrat volunteered. "He kind of already knows me."

"Yeah, and someone should go with her," Sonny immediately said after remembering the last time she met that mayor to be. Montserrat shot him a look because she knew exactly what he was talking about. Boy was he trying to get on her bad list this week.

Still, in the end, Olivia agreed.

~0~

"This is all...exaggerated," Montserrat crinkled her nose while her head whipped from one market stall to the next.

Nick, who walked beside her, merely smiled at her. The local gathering was an obvious Latin predominance and it was lively as could be. It was so crowded that the two detectives constantly bumped into people while merely walking.

"It's a regular day here," Nick shrugged but then gave her an amused glance. "You feel out of place or something...Slovakian?"

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes at him. "I'm half Slovakian, and I'm also half Mexican. Unfortunately, I lack some education on the latter." Nick shot her a sharp side-glance, as if asking just how little she was talking about. "I know some Spanish, but...could probably use some more help on it."

Nick suddenly stopped by a stand and pointed at none other than a miniature, caricature-styled Virgin Mary. "Oh, so you know who this is?" Montserrat opened her mouth but of course things were never that easy. "In _Spanish_?"

Montserrat glared at him and continued walking. "You're not funny, Nicolas Amaro." She stuffed her hands into her coat's pocket and purposely picked up her pace. Though the place was pretty loud, she still heard Nick's laugh behind her.

They moved swiftly through the crowd and eventually got to the back of a stage. It seemed like they were just on time because the mayor-to-be was just coming down the stage after a lively speech.

"Alex Munoz, can we talk to you for a minute?" Nick's call froze Alex and his bodyguards. It certainly got the guards in protective modes. "It concerns Eduardo Garcia."

Nick's words were like an alert. Alex shooed his guards away but almost a second later, a woman dressed in professional clothing came to his side.

"Honey, is everything okay?" she flipped her long, dark hair behind her shoulder. Her dark eyes examined the two detectives in front of them.

"Oh, absolutely. I'm just gonna talk to them about the police foundation event," Alex's lie was given so smoothly it made both Montserrat and Nick wonder how many times he'd used something like that to fool his wife. "I'll see you by the van, okay?"

Yelina Muñoz was an intelligent woman who knew when she was being set behind the lines. She raked the two detectives from head to toe twice before finally agreeing to give them some space.

"Didn't know you were married, Mr. Muñoz," Montserrat didn't hesitate to say after they were alone. Her comment was clearly referencing their previous meeting and she hoped it would knock some guilt into the man for flirting with her.

Alex just smiled. "'Now I'm offended at how little you've been following the campaigns, Miss…?"

" _Detective_ Novak," Montserrat laid out exactly how she wanted to be addressed from here on out by him. "And, like Detective Amaro mentioned, we need to talk about your friend."

"Listen, I'm tight on time. I got a meeting over at the archdiocese-"

"Yeah, we just have a few loose ends we need to tie up," Nick assured him but it wasn't enough to ease Alex. "See, we've been looking at Lindsay Anderson's background. It doesn't quite add up, the story of how she got involved with Eddie. Eddie's got a broken heart, and he's... he's not the best judge of character."

"She probably saw an easy mark."

"Well, that fits her pattern, but all the other men she went after were rich, and Eddie, no offense, es un muerto de hambre."

"Kind of offensive," Montserrat whispered to Nick, startling him. "Yeah, I understood that," she gave him a look before clearing her throat. "So any comment, Mr. Muñoz?"

"I don't know what to tell you," Alex's straight face was more than irritating for one detective who already disliked him.

"Mr. Munoz, we haven't called the brass. We want to handle this discreetly," Nick stepped closer and lowered his voice. "Eddie's close to you, so we have to ask. Is he covering for you?"

"What?" Alex took one step back and almost glared at Nick for the question. "I'm a happily married man. I never even met this woman."

"But you have an...easy going attitude," Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him. "You sure there isn't anything you want to tell us right now?"

"On the grave of mi abuelita. I've never seen her. I've never spoken to her," Alex raised his hands to show he was being honest. "What does she say?"

"Well, she left her apartment abruptly last night. We're tracking her down," Montserrat hoped that would be enough to encourage him to speak already. Unfortunately, she hoped too much.

"That's the kind of person you're dealing with, a person who makes accusations and then disappears," Alex shrugged. "I guess that's good news for Eddie. If you'll excuse me."

"Definitely retracting my vote," Montserrat knew this guy was just a plain liar, which would turn out to be a bad thing for a certain ADA who feigned distance. "He's a liar and he's definitely a smug liar. He's so sure we won't find Lindsay anymore."

"That's okay, I just did," Nick was holding his phone, thumb scrolling over the screen. "Last night, I friended her on Facebook."

Montserrat's eyebrows raised together, partially amused and another part surprised. "I don't...I don't even know how to respond to that."

"You can thank me because I know she's on her way to Israel for her - and I quote - new awesome job," Nick turned his phone around for Montserrat to see a picture of Lindsay on an airplane.

"You have got to be kidding me," Montserrat walked around the detective and started her way back to the car.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat feared coming to Casey's office since lately it had resulted in public arguments with her brother. When she walked into Casey's office, she was surprised to find her two nieces sitting on the leather couch.

"Aunt Montserrat!" Ivana jumped off the couch, leaving her coloring book and crayons to fall on the floor, and ran towards Montserrat.

Though surprised, Montserrat reacted fast enough to catch her four year old niece in a big hug that resulted in carrying the girl on her hip. "Woah, hello there, Ivana. What are you doing here?"

"Being babysat because I'm a baby, apparently," Juliana Novak muttered from the couch, still engrossed in her phone to look up. The older niece wasn't happy about her place and in a moment, it would only get worse.

"Good, you're here," Casey walked into her office with a degree of stress that even Montserrat felt in the air. "I have a court case and they need to be babysat."

"Excuse me?" Montserrat blinked. "I'm on the job too."

"Yeah, but it's easier for you to take them. I can't have Ivana sitting next to me while I talk about homicide, can I?"

Ivana stopped playing with Montserrat's earring to look at Casey. "What's 'micide?"

Casey gestured at the girl to make her point. "I'm sorry, Gael needed someone to watch them and he only had me-"

"-because he's being stubborn and not talking to me," Montserrat spat.

"And I offered myself up thinking another ADA could handle my case today."

"So what happened?"

"She's a flake. Look, I gotta go-"

"-but Casey, Gael will go ballistic if he knows I'm the one who looked after the girls."

"I don't need a babysitter!" everyone ignored Juliana's exclaim.

"Just bring them back at eight and it'll be like I took care of them."

"And you don't think one of them is gonna say something?"

Both women looked at the four year old in Montserrat's arms. Juliana cleared her throat, drawing their attention to her. "I know a way to keep her quiet but it's gonna cost you."

Casey raised an eyebrow at her, certainly not about to let a fifteen year old girl blackmail her. "I got a better idea. How about you tell us and I won't tell your father you back talked to me all afternoon."

Juliana smirked. "And that is why I wanna be an ADA like you. Always with the right words."

"Mhm," Casey set a hand on her hip. "Spill."

Juliana got up from the couch and walked up to Ivana. "Hey, Ivana, you want to play the secret game?"

Ivana gasped and quickly nodded her head. "Mhm! What's my prize this time?"

"I don't know, what's her prize this time?" Juliana looked between her aunts.

"A donut," Montserrat said plainly since she knew the four year old loved donuts. "And Juliana gets one Starbucks."

Juliana took the deal. "Okay, Ivana, the secret is that we're going out with Aunt Montse. But if Dad asks, we were at Disneyland."

Ivana giggled and shook her head. "I won't tell Daddy."

"What?" Casey crinkled her nose. "How's that gonna help us?"

"Because if she mentions aunt Montse, then she'll mention Disneyland too and that'll make Dad think she's just being random."

"This makes me wonder how many times you've done this," Montserrat admitted and knew there were plenty secrets judging by the big smirk on Juliana's face.

"Starbucks?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes and nodded Juliana to get going. She looked back to Casey who thanked her one more time before leaving first.

"Aunt Montse, if you're still working then where are we gonna go?" Juliana held the office door for Montserrat.

"I have no idea," Montserrat answered with nothing but the truth.

~0~

"You brought your nieces to the station?" Sonny asked after Montserrat placed Juliana and Ivana in the interview room. Thankfully, the place had toys and free WiFi.

"Well, I couldn't very well leave them in Casey's office alone could I?" Montserrat turned for her desk.

"Why not ask Kara?"

"Because her salon's swamped today. I don't want the girls getting in her way."

"They're cute," Amanda walked on by towards her desk. "But the older one just asked for a Starbucks with some ridiculous alterations."

Montserrat groaned and plopped down on her chair. "This child. So, what new details do we have for the case?"

"Well, Olivia and Nick just went to see Barba who put in a special request to talk," Fin notified her.

"Yikes. That means we're in trouble," the ginger made a face.

"The one who's in trouble is Alex," Sonny corrected as he too sat back in his desk. "The aid who left with Lindsey for Israel was working on Alex's campaign till yesterday."

"Smells corruption a mile away," Montserrat agreed. "And how do we prove that again?"

"The obvious choice is Eddie but since he's basically ducking our calls we're pretty much out of options," Fin made a gesture with his hands.

"Well, he's been ducking _our_ calls but maybe if an old friend visited him he wouldn't be so cryptic," Montserrat's smiled basically said all that needed to be explained.

"You really think sending Barba to talk to Eddie is a good idea?"

"Not my best idea but a somewhat decent one." Montserrat swayed her chair side to side, resting one arm over the armrest. "I'm just saying it would help if Rafael could give the guy a reality check."

"Either way, we need to be _very_ cautious in how we act," Olivia warned them all with a sharp look. "We are ten days away from an election, meaning we need to be absolutely sure that we don't miss the target."

~0~

"I wanted a double chocolate Java," Juliana crinkled her nose after taking her first sip of her drink.

Olivia flashed a smile at Montserrat, who was rolling her eyes at her niece.

"Too much chocolate isn't a good thing," Montserrat patted Juliana's head and headed back into the bullpen. "Children, I swear."

"...and then I told Sara that I could jump so, so high but she thought I was lying…" Ivana was in the middle of explaining to Sonny when the women walked back into the bullpen. She was swinging her small legs on the chair positioned beside Sonny's desk. "So I had to show her but then I fell down and I got blood on my knee - wanna see!?"

"Don't even think about it," Montserrat forced the four year old to sit still before she jumped up to show the scrape on her knee.

"She's quite the story teller," Sonny mused. He'd been listening to her outrageous story for the past 10 minutes and it was honestly one of the cutest things ever.

"Hm, she'll talk your ears off if you let her," Montserrat patted Ivana's shoulders.

"You're back early," Olivia's voice drew the other two detectives to the entrance. Amanda and Fin were coming back with discouraging faces.

"Eddie's a no-go, he's not talking anymore. Period," Amanda released a sigh.

"He's still sticking to the story about Lindsey having an abortion," Fin added. "Practically slammed the door on us."

Olivia took her phone out of her pocket when she felt it vibrate. "Nick's checked in and we've had no luck on getting Alex to talk either."

There was an unsettling silence amongst the group until Montserrat spoke up. "So...do we want to try my plan now?" Olivia turned to her with a raised eyebrow, though the lieutenant seemed unsure of their next move now. "I could ask him myself," Montserrat offered to make it easier for them. "That way if he yells it'll be at me." Olivia playfully rolled her eyes but did give the go. Montserrat beamed and moved towards her desk in time to see her phone buzzing. "Hey, looks like I can kill two birds with one stone. I have to get the girls back to Casey," she smiled. "Wish me luck."

Fin's small laugh was not a good sign. "You're gonna need a lot more than just 'luck'."

Montserrat deadpanned him for a moment before turning away. "You're not funny, Fin."

Fin thought he really was.

Montserrat collected Juliana from the interview room, ignoring the teen's protest of 'free WiFi!' then returned to the bullpen for Ivana. She got a last 'good luck' from Olivia - as well as another remark from Fin - before heading out.

~0~

"You remember the story, right?" Montserrat hated to be asking this to her nieces but for the time being it was better not to further antagonize her brother.

"Yeah, aunt Casey left us with her assistant all afternoon," Juliana nodded. "And I had no Starbucks whatsoever."

"You're damn right you didn't," Montserrat hummed. She was about to pull open the door of the DAs building when Ivana yelped for her to stop. "What? What is it?" Montserrat thought the girl may have been hurt from how sharp that Yelp was.

Ivana was trying to take something out of her backpack. "I made a map to find aunt Casey's office."

"A map? Seriously?" Juliana was not impressed. She stared down at her little sister with a degree of annoyance. "Ivana, we know where the off-"

Montserrat gently nudged Juliana to stop talking. "Alright, Ivana, go ahead. Can you find aunt Casey's office for us?"

"Mhm!" Ivana raised her map in the air while her free hand put her backpack back on. Of course, Juliana had to help her put the backpack on. "Me first! Follow me!"

"She's such a dork," Juliana groaned after her sister had gone into the building.

"She's _four_ ," Montserrat reminded. "Should I even start a list of all the ridiculous stuff you used to do at that age?"

Juliana rolled her eyes. "No."

Montserrat smiled and moved the girl inside. Ivana was already ahead with her map right in front of her face. Just as Montserrat was about to warn the girl she was going to bump into someone, her phone went off.

Montserrat fished her phone out of her pocket and saw it was Casey calling. "Maybe your aunt felt us coming," she chuckled.

"Ivana - watch where you're going!" she heard Juliana practically yell.

She quickly forgot her phone and looked up to see Ivana had indeed crashed into someone - falling on her bottom - and that someone seemed to be wearing a very expensive golden gown.

"Crap," Montserrat muttered and put her phone away to rush over. "I am so sorry!" she began apologizing to the woman. "She wasn't looking where she was going even when I told her to-" Montserrat stopped when she realized that she _knew_ the woman. "Crap," the mumble came out in a blurt.

"You're the detective who visited my husband earlier," the woman said in the same realization as Montserrat.

"I am…?" Montserrat repeated, blaming herself for putting herself into this situation.

The woman deadpanned Montserrat. "I'm not an idiot."

"Didn't expect you to be," Montserrat raised her hands in neutrality. "Mrs. Muñoz-"

"-Yelina, please," the taller woman's interruption was kind yet final.

"Right, okay, in, I just don't think it's a good idea for you to be here."

"I'm here for answers, Detective…?"

"Novak. Please, did your husband send you here? I understand he and our ADA have some history."

"My husband has no idea I'm even here," Yelina smiled a type of smile that Montserrat could say one should fear. "And I'm going to get those answers." She wagged a finger at Montserrat, making the latter wonder if this was attempting to be condescending. If Yelina was, it was more annoying than actual condescension. "The ADA and I also have some history."

"Okay," Montserrat awkwardly cleared her throat. She was choosing to ignore that smug smile on Yelina's face in favor of the fact her nieces we're waiting and watching them (but she knew exactly what that smugness indicated). "Good luck. Ivana, Juliana, let's go," she ushered the two girls ahead.

"We're not using my map!" Ivana exclaimed, already forming a pout on her face.

Montserrat just quickened her pace. "We'll use it another time, Ivana."

"That lady seemed kind of mean in a...subtle kind of way," Juliana's remark earned her a sharp glance from Montserrat. "What?"

"I didn't know you knew the meaning of the word 'subtle', Jules," Montserrat briefly smirked when her niece glared.

"And I didn't know that you thought a plain insult would be enough to distract me from that lady's words."

Ivana had already rushed into Casey's office, but when Juliana went in afterwards she almost felt sorry for what was to come next...for her aunt.

Montserrat cursed in her mind the moment she saw Gael emerging from Casey's office. "Crap," one word had to make it out of her lips. Montserrat stopped under the threshold and looked at her brother for a moment.

Casey had come out wearing an apologetic expression. "Please don't argue here," she pleaded quietly. "Just because my assistant is gone doesn't mean the rest of my co-workers are too."

"Don't worry, Casey, I've got no intention of making a fool out of myself for someone who has no listening skills," Montserrat knew her words were childish but after weeks of getting the silent treatment from her brother, she felt she was leaving the sad stage and moving onto the next: anger.

Gael scoffed. "Seriously, Montserrat? Could you at least act your full 29 years?"

"I will when you start acting like your full 39 years."

Gael glared. For a moment, Casey thought he would erupt into a new round of screams. But instead, Gael reached down and picked up Ivana into his arms. "Let's go, sweetheart. We'll get dinner on our way home."

"Dad," Juliana called as her father started heading out. "What are you even arguing about?"

"It doesn't concern you, Juliana. Let's go."

Juliana seemed almost offended by the curt response. "I'm fifteen, I'm not a child. What are you-"

"Juliana, let's go," Gael's voice had lowered and with the look he fixated on her, the teenager was left with no choice but to follow.

"Bye aunt Casey. Bye aunt Montserrat," Juliana said quietly then walked after her father.

Casey crossed her arms and waited until it was just her and Montserrat. "Well, that could have gone a lot worse."

"I thought he'd scream at me or even you for letting me take the girls today," Montserrat admitted.

"Oh no, he had his own go at me before you came," Casey informed her. "Why do you think I was calling you? I was trying to give you a heads up.'

"Oooh," Montserrat remembered the brief moment she had with her cellphone outside the building. "My bad."

Casey playfully rolled her eyes. "Oh Montse. Juliana is right, though. This argument is getting ridiculous."

"You're a Novak, you should know we take our arguments very serious," Montserrat turned to leave.

"Yeah, but, do you even _know_ what you're supposed to be mad about anymore?"

Montserrat stopped by the threshold and thought about things. "I mean...I made one measly comparison between Dad and some other guy, but I swear it was just a fact. Dad did leave us alone sometimes when we were kids, but I never said that he was a bad father."

Casey knew the story well. She crossed her arms and moved a couple steps forwards. "But you know your Dad is like...golden for your brother."

"I know, I know…" Montserrat didn't want to keep thinking about it because the more she would, the more likely she was to get actually upset. She'd managed to cool down since their last argument in public and she thought she was ready for a civilized talk with Gael, but it seemed like he disagreed.

"You want get some dinner?" Casey asked when she turned to go back into her office.

"Nah, I can't," Montserrat made a wave of her hand. "But bring me some chocolate brownies tomorrow?" Casey's scoff was answer enough. Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes. "Figured," she mumbled and headed out.

She walked into the hallway and started thinking about what exactly she would say to Rafael when she proposed he go and talk to Eddie. She didn't mind being yelled at, but...she wouldn't mind avoiding it either. She was rehearsing some phrases when she walked into the office.

"Dammit," she cursed after seeing the darkness. He'd gone.

Montserrat turned on her heels and returned to the main hallway where she saw Casey emerging from her own office. The ginger ADA gave her cousin a strange look as she caught up with Montserrat.

"I thought you said you were leaving…" Casey purposely trailed off.

"I was, I just had to talk to Rafael first but he's gone already," Montserrat crossed her arms. "That man never leaves his office before eight. I should be concerned."

Casey snorted and started leading towards the entrance doors. "Sometimes even he needs a break."

Montserrat playfully rolled his eyes. "I don't think he knows the definition of that word...nor do you, actually."

Casey chuckled. "Funny. So funny that I'm not bringing you any brownies for tomorrow." She opened an entrance door for Montserrat and followed her cousin out afterwards. "And it was gonna be a surprise."

"Yeah, right," Montserrat almost laughed in Casey's face.

They followed each other towards the street, but Casey's sudden stop made Montserrat bump into her. "Look, you still have your chance to talk to Rafael. He's getting coffee."

"Of course he is," Montserrat followed Casey's gaze to see the man buying a cup of coffee from a street vendor.

"You don't look so happy…" Casey said after seeing Montserrat's face.

"It's just I thought I had a night to think of what to say that won't get me yelled at."

Casey's snort was a teasing one and Montserrat knew it. "Good luck."

Montserrat shot a glare at her cousin. "You can go now." Casey's widening smirk only irritated Montserrat even more. Even as the ADA left, Montserrat could picture the smirk getting bigger. The entire Novak family was annoying, she thought. When she felt ready enough - or prepared to be yelled at, which ever one happened - she went in Rafael's direction.

"I'm curious, do you _ever_ sleep at night?" her voice didn't even startle him despite being a bit engrossed in his phone.

He looked up with a deadpanning expression. "Detective, what are you doing here?"

"It's the street," Montserrat said like it was obvious, and it should have been. "And I was with Casey and my...brother…"

"Ah, I didn't hear any screaming...am I to assume that means you're good now?"

"No. Not even close." Montserrat didn't even want to go into that topic right now. "But I'm focusing on our case-"

"-how's that going?" Rafael's expression turned serious fast, almost concerned. It showed more this time than it had since they started on the case.

"To be honest?" Montserrat knew he'd regret nodding in a second. "Your friends are stonewalling us."

"Have you talked to Alex again-"

"-yes! And he just turns everything on Alex-"

"-and have you talked to Al-"

"-he closed the door on Amanda and Finn!" Montserrat said a tad louder than was necessary. She shot apologetic smiles at the passing people on the street before getting serious again. "And I figure it's pointless talking to Mrs. Munoz because she's clueless about the whole case, though maybe now she's not - did you happen to tell her something?"

"How would you - how do you know we talked?" Rafael seemed almost on the fence about it.

"Because Ivana bumped into her and - I don't need that look you're giving me right now," Montserrat put a hand on her hip once she took notice of his expression. "If anyone should be giving that look it's me to you for talking to someone affiliated with the case."

"I didn't say anything, Novak. Give me some credit will you?" he started walking along the block, making her do the same beside him.

"Okay but I'm serious here, it's not a good idea to be so close to these people right now. They can manipulate you-"

Rafael scoffed. " _Seriously_ , give me some credit. I'm not easily manipulated-"

Montserrat moved quick and turned to be in front of him, forcing him to stop. "-it is when one of the people claims she's had history with you too." It was clear Rafael hadn't anticipated that move, but Montserrat wasn't going to let him off. "I know exactly what she meant, Rafael, so don't even deny it. Knowing that, and all the other history you have with these people, I _really_ think you should listen to me. Alex is evading us, Yelina is bound to make you reconsider this whole case so really, our only option is Eddie and you're the only one who can talk to him."

Rafael looked at her in silence for a full minute in which Montserrat wasn't sure he would yell at her or not. He was professional - my God he was professional - but he admitted she had some point. He'd gotten far too close to the case than he had wanted to. In her perspective, she could be right. He wanted to believe that he could control himself. "If things get worse, I will talk to Eddie."

"Okay…" Montserrat nodded slowly, still waiting for him to add on a shout at the end. She ended up rambling things she shouldn't have so now she was being cautious.

Rafael recognized her cautious manner and rolled his eyes. "Novak, I'm not going to bite your head off. You're doing your job and no one's getting in the way, alright?"

"...okay," Montserrat bit her lip. She wanted to relax but it still felt far too easy.

"I'm good," Rafael's attempt at a smile wasn't all that good but Montserrat wouldn't point it out so blatantly.

She moved to the side to allow him to walk, but before he could she spoke up again, "If you need to talk, I'm-I'm here…"

"I am _good_ , Novak," Rafael's tone was final and more like a warning for her to stop.

"Okay," Montserrat said quietly. She should probably take the win before she made things worse. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

As she turned to leave, Rafael got that ping of guilt for being more harsh than usual. It was as he told her: she'd just been doing her job. He stopped walking and turned back to see if she was still around, but he had no luck. _Too late now,_ he thought with an inward sigh.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Did I mention this is one of my fave episodes everrrrr?

 **For the Reviews:**

 **kattcrue** : It's a wild one alright xD

 **Alexa Kay** : Thanks! Hope you liked the new chapter!


	13. Playing With Fire

Montserrat sat on her therapist's couch, relaying with ease what was currently going on with her. It felt nice having a place to freely talk without fear of being snapped at. It was just _easy_ , which showed a lot of progress she made since she first arrived. Dr. Weslin had that recorded every time Montserrat showed up too. Even now, while Montserrat debated by herself whether or not to take it easy on her brother, she showed significant to in the free space offered to talk in.

"I mean, Gael is just being overly dramatic. He's ignoring me and what's worse - or childish one could say - is that he's separating his girls from me too," Montserrat sighed, pausing to think about her older brother. "Sometimes I just want to smack him like when we were kids. We used to actually throw punches at each other, can you believe that? Dad had to come in and separate us. He'd yell at us for thirty minutes without break."

"It seems like your father has always been your mediator then," Weslin noted. "Does he have anything to say about this argument between you and your brother?"

"He doesn't know and honestly he shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm almost 30 and Gael is reaching his forties, we're grown adults acting ridiculous."

"Have you told this to Gael?"

"Please, he's not speaking to me. I have a very a good talent at irritating people, whether I want to in that moment or not. Maybe that's how I always get myself into problems." Montserrat said with a heavy resignation that Dr. Weslin gave her a strange look.

"We're not talking about your argument with your brother anymore, are we?"

Montserrat shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to be casual. "I guess not."

"Would you care to elaborate, then?"

"There's not much too it, really," Montserrat shrugged yet again.

Weslin had come to notice Montserrat only did this as an overly attempt at being casual when she neared the topic of her rape. It was like Montserrat tried pushing it all behind her to form a past.

"Maybe if I hadn't been so irritating at work, people would have given more of a damn about what happened to me," Montserrat finally spat out. "Maybe they wouldn't have been so quick to brush it away and transfer me."

"Montserrat, you're not blaming yourself for this right?" Dr. Weslin feared Montserrat had somehow regressed in her recovery.

"No," Montserrat said with absolute certainty. "It shouldn't have happened to me, period. I just meant maybe if I had acted better, people at my old job, who knew what happened, would have had more consideration for me." Montserrat didn't like to think a lot about her old job in Queens, but the people there had never been the kindest. She didn't expect - nor want for that matter - a whole sympathy party from them, but she didn't expect to be pushed out of the job either. "That's why I like where I am now. At least if anything happens to me again, I know people might care."

It was a rather cynical way of thinking, but Montserrat felt it to be nothing but the truth.

~0~

By the time Montserrat returned to the precinct, many things had already gone down. For starters, the team had discovered their mayor-to-be was using secret websites to chat with other women, sometimes going truly explicit. Poor Amanda had been the center of his attention the previous night.

"Alex claims wall street is setting him up," Rafael wearily repeated the excuse Alex had given him earlier in the morning after speaking to him about the pictures he sent to Amanda.

The rest of the team exchanged curious glances but no one, except Nick, dared to mention what they were thinking.

"What, you told him we were looking at his account?"

Rafael took the accusation somewhat calmly. He expected some type of accusation along those lines. "I gave him a chance to get out in front of this."

Nick seemed to be angered with the answer, as he firmly believed Rafael was on another plan. "So now not only is he tampering with witnesses, he has you covering it up for him!"

"Nick," Olivia's call made no sense for Nick.

"What!? It's what you're all thinking!"

"Did you find any evidence at all that Lindsay is shaking him down or that he's paying to hush her up?" Rafael's question seemed more like a challenge to defy his words, and it only irritated Nick more.

"There's nothing so far on the public sites, but we'll keep checking," Amanda's fingers hovered over her laptop.

"Do that."

"We will," Montserrat spoke up for the first time since the conversation started. Her curt, brief answer was enough indication she was still very much irritated with him.

He took the jab with a nod of his head. It was well deserved, he knew. "Since we're all clear…" he turned to go, but of course it wouldn't be easy to escape with Nick trailing behind him.

"That's not going to end well," Montserrat got up from her desk and headed for the lounge to get some needed coffee. As she was pouring herself warm coffee, Sonny came into the room. "You want some?" she asked without looking up.

"Sure." Sonny moved over and reached for a couple sugar packs he knew she liked.

"Did Nick come back in one piece?" Montserrat slid her coffee cup to Sonny then grabbed another for herself.

"Not sure. I left before he did," Sonny ripped open a sugar pack and let it all drown into his coffee. "I bet Barba is just trying to keep it together right now." Montserrat briefly paused her coffee pouring, something Sonny noticed but didn't comment on. "I mean, it can't be easy being childhood friends with someone who's, well...turning out not to be the righteous man he once knew."

Montserrat carefully returned the coffee pot to its place. "No, it can't be. But it doesn't give him a right to be so rude when we're just trying to help, and to mention doing our job." There was a particular sourness covering her tone, but Sonny felt like there was an underlying hurt somewhere there.

"Course not, but try being in his shoes for a moment."

Montserrat finally stopped altogether and turned to Sonny. "Is there something you want to say to me?"

"I'm not trying to poke or interfere in whatever you and Barba have going on-"

"-it's nothing," snapped Montserrat, but there was a subtle shift on her feet. "And if you're that interested to know, I'm just a little pissed off that he's being more snarky than usual when all I did was try to be nice and be there for him." As soon as she finished her quick, but feeling-covered, explanation she regretted it. Sonny gave her a look and the fact his lips were twitching to form a smile made her feel no better. "Please don't say anything," she sighed and went back to preparing her coffee. "It's really nothing. I'm just...I tried to be nice and he... practically barked in my face to leave him the hell alone."

"Did he actually say those words?"

"...no. It was more of a…rushed 'I'm good'," Montserrat closed her eyes as another realization hit her. "...which really just means he wasn't. _Dammit_."

Sonny patted her back and took over the coffee preparation.

Montserrat released a big sigh and brought her fingers to pinch the bridge of her nose. "And me being the dumbass that I am, missed that." Sonny laughed beside her. "In my defense, I have my own problems too so my temperament is off!"

Sonny held her coffee cup to her with his usual smile. "No one blames you."

"I think one person does," Montserrat took her coffee cup and headed back for the bullpen.

Nick was returning as well but he seemed to be physically fine. "Guys like Barba, too smart for their own good."

"I'm sure he said the same about you," Olivia gave him a pat on the arm as he passed by.

"What, everyone thinks we should just let this go?" Nick looked around to see who was on that side of the coin.

"It's not that we want to," Montserrat spoke up. "But...we really don't have anything incriminating on Muñoz."

"Muñoz sent out some selfies but that's not a sex crime," Fin said before he chuckled. "All I know is I don't want to see any more of them."

Nick was frustrated that no one was taking him serious. "It's not just selfies, all right? This clown could be mayor. He opened himself up to blackmail, right? Eddie had cash. Where did he get it from, huh? This could just be the tip of the iceberg."

"I think we saw more than just the tip," Finn snickered at his spot.

Olivia motioned him to stop before the comments got worse. "Nick, even if you're right, this is a political corruption case. We'd have to hand it over to the feds anyway. What are we going to hand over? The pics he sent to Rollins?"

The woman in question cleared her throat at her desk. She'd been immersed in her computer ever since Rafael had left. "It looks like I may not be the only one. Enrique Trouble's popping up on other sites. It goes back over a year."

Hearing this made the rest of the team gather behind her chair to see her screen.

"Look, I found ten so far!"

"That makes him a dog, not a criminal," Fin still shrugged.

"That's not the word I'd use to describe him," Montserrat said before sipping her coffee.

"Well, one of these women that he was sexting with just got an executive position at the New York gaming commission," Amanda revealed and brought up the profile of said woman. "I wonder who could have pulled those strings."

"Anna Please," Olivia read off the screen. "She have any governmental background?"

"Doesn't seem like it."

"Hold up. I've seen this girl on a screen before, and it wasn't on c-span," Finn said with a curious smile.

~0~

"I don't understand this. I already _have_ the position," the woman named Anna insisted for the second time, already sounding annoyed to the two detectives tailing her down the hallway.

"We have a few background questions," Finn simply repeated their excuse, which was the honest truth anyways.

"Mhm," agreed Montserrat, not quite in the mood for games. She wanted to be direct. "Your resume says you went to university of Michigan, but they don't have any record of you attending."

There was a brief flash of panicked on Anna's face as she sat at her desk. "They don't? Mm-mm. I should fix that. I was more like auditing."

 _Lies_. Montserrat barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes. "Really? What subjects?"

"Dance and movement."

"No acting?"

Anna laughed casually, at least that was her attempt. "No. I never studied any acting."

Montserrat gave the woman one look before glancing at Finn. The man seemed giddy as he reached inside his jacket's pocket.

"That's funny, Amber, because my partner here says you're a real natural in - what is it, Finn?"

"This is my favorite," Finn turned over a movie box he'd brought with them. "Million Dollar a Night Baby."

With that in the air, Amber didn't see any point in lying anymore. She released a heavy sigh and looked past the two detectives to the open door. "Okay, this is unfair. It was a long time ago. I didn't do any adult films after that. Are you from vice?" she paused to once again look at the open door. She was being extra quiet now. "I didn't do anything illegal."

"Yeah, we're not so interested in your past jobs," Montserrat clarified. She planted her hands on the desk and leaned forwards. "We want to know how you got your job here. Did Enrique Trouble put in a call for you?"

Amber leveled Montserrat's look, not looking so intimidated as they'd hoped. "So what if he did? It's Albany. Believe me, there are people a lot less qualified than I am working here."

Of course, Montserrat wasn't one to lose so easily. "Fine, we'll remember that as we get your ass fired. Think about that then give us a call," she smiled sweetly then turned to leave with Finn.

They didn't make it out the office door when Amber called for them to stop.

~0~

"I'm home," called Montserrat as soon as she walked into her apartment. She could hear clinging and clanging from Kara's room while she set her things down.

A couple minutes later, Kara emerged from the hallway wearing a pretty blue dress that hugged her body. Her hair was curled and pulled back by two clips.

"Stark red lipstick," Montserrat smirked as she headed by for the kitchen. "That can only mean someone's got a hot date tonight."

"Oh, you betcha," Kara hurriedly patted down her dress as if it needed more help. "He finally asked."

"Who?" Montserrat returned holding a bag of trail mix.

As Kara opened her mouth, someone knocked on the door. Kara hushed up and went to answer instead.

"Oh hell _no_ ," Montserrat honestly blamed herself for not realizing quicker.

"Good thing is you know him," Kara pulled Sonny right into the apartment, skipping all the hellos and whatnot.

"Unfortunately."

"Montse," went both with the same disapproval.

"No," Montserrat stuffed more trail mix into her mouth. "If I don't see it, it's not real." And with that, she turned away from the two with no intention of looking back.

"You're a child!" Kara shouted.

Sonny was smarter in that aspect and said something that definitely made Montserrat look back. "And I'll make sure to let you know how it went tomorrow."

"You wouldn't…"

Sonny's smile said it all. "See you later, partner."

Montserrat practically shouted for them to get going already. She shivered once she was alone and dreaded what Sonny would tell her tomorrow, and even more so what Kara would say.

~0~

Rafael didn't think he would ever have to make such a grim visit to one of his old friends. One friend was already borderlining the enemy line, in Alex's perspective anyways. Rafael still had hope - albeit a tiny hope - that Alex would come to his senses sooner or later. For now, he had to try to get Eddie to come back.

He found the old friend in a familiar spot, the same park he used to play at when he was a kid.

"Hey, Raffi. What's good, hermano? How you find me here?" Eddie scooted on the park bench to make more room.

"I stopped by your place, saw your mom," Rafael took the seat but purposely kept a distance. It was awful being like that with an old friend.

"My mom looks good," Eddie knew what Rafael had come for, but he didn't want to get to it. He didn't want to argue.

"Bueno, we got to talk-"

"You know, they...they fixed this park since we were kids, right?" Eddie cut in.

"Yeah, they did. I remember how you always used to look out for me here," Rafael leaned back against the bench. Talking about their good days wasn't helping, but he couldn't stop. "When that gang from P.S. 109 would come after me for my lunch money...you'd put your arm around me. You'd walk me to school. You said anybody that hurt me would have to deal with you."

"You're my brother, Raffi. I would never have learned English if it wasn't for you. We're even, right?"

"I know that. You're loyal...To a fault," Rafael paused, taking a breath in in order to deal with what came next.

"We're not talking about p.S. 109 now, are we?" Eddie took the silence as the answer. "How much trouble am I in, Raffi?"

"Witness tampering, bribery…Eddie, those are felonies."

"I can't... I can't roll on Alex-"

Perhaps it was the final straw in the whole case, or maybe his irritation towards Alex and his blatant disregard for their friend finally got to Rafael, but he snapped. "You've got - you have got to think about yourself now! Jail's gonna go hard for an ex C.O!"

"Raffi, Alex has always been good to me, okay? He said when he becomes mayor, he's going to get me a job at one P.P-"

"Listen to me," Rafael once again snapped. He turned his body towards Eddie, hoping he could get through to Eddie once and for all. "Eddie, Alex is looking out for _himself_ now. You've got your son and your mother to think about. You're not gonna be any good to them upstate."

Eddie looked out to the playground where his son was playing. "I can't hurt Alex. You tell me what I should do. You were always the smart one."

Well, at least one was still good.

~0~

While Amanda and Finn interrogated Eddie (with his lawyer present), Montserrat, Olivia, Nick and Sonny watched from behind the one-way glass. Eddie was practically singing like a canary about Alex's dirty work.

"We got him now," Nick said with visible pride. Everyone looked at him but there was a hesitancy to agree. "What? It's only right with everything Muñoz did."

"Don't get so cocky," Montserrat warned. "It's not real until the prosecutor gets the case."

"It's basically a done deal," Nick waved a hand at them and walked off.

"How horrible," Montserrat mumbled and started to leave as well. Olivia would remain to oversee the rest of the interrogation. "I don't want to even imagine how Rafael is feeling."

"He's the one who got Eddie to spill, so...he must be seeing the light," Nick said, stopping under the hallway threshold.

"Say that to his face," Sonny went right to his desk.

"You think I won't?"

" _Oh_ ," both Montserrat and Sonny collectively scoffed, making Nick roll his eyes.

"We know you will," Montserrat took a seat at her desk.

Just as the three were about to have a round, Olivia emerged from the hallway.

"We got him?" Nick was the first to ask, missing how Montserrat and Sonny glanced at each other.

"Yes…" but judging by Olivia's face there was more than she was telling. "We're going to have to do some digging."

~0~

After doing some digging, Olivia immediately sent Montserrat and Sonny to a high school in Yonkers that wasn't even that far from them.

"Is he frikin kidding me?" Montserrat continued to repeat even as the principal of the school led her and Sonny down a crowded hallway.

Sonny didn't say much but it was clear he was disgusted as he saw more of the innocent students walking by. They were targets of their next mayor-to-be.

Jodie Lanier was not a school teacher, far from it. She was a fifteen year old student with an addiction to her cellphone. The blonde girl was taken to a secluded classroom in order to be talked to.

"If this is about the mall, I paid for these bracelets," Jodie hugged her wrist full of bracelets.

"It's about Alex Muñoz," Sonny's response made the girl stiffen.

"I-I don't know who that is."

"No?" Montserrat raised an eyebrow. She had no mood to tolerate the girl's lies. "Then why is he giving you money? And I would be careful with how you talk to a detective."

"O-okay. I know who he is, but I've never met him," Jodie said quickly.

"Not in person? How about on social media?" Montserrat glanced at Sonny who was nodding in agreement. "I mean, you've exchanged messages."

"I can't talk to you about this," Jodie's eyes flickered between the detectives, feeling more and more trapped.

"Because that's why he's paying you?" Sonny's question was met with silence. "Look, Jodie, you're not in any trouble here."

"Then can I go?"

"Soon. But we need to take a look at your cell phone."

Jodie quickly shook her head. "No way. I have rights!" But seeing the two serious detectives made her falter. "Don't I?"

"Okay, Jodie, this is how it'll work if you don't cooperate right now," Montserrat stepped forwards, intimidating the girl without effort. "If you don't hand the phone over right now, we can and _will_ get a warrant for it. However, to do that we'll have to talk to your mom."

Bingo, the right words had been said.

"Please don't call my mom."

~0~

"Okay Nick, _now_ we got him," Olivia said after reviewing their evidence against Alex. And boy was it a lot.

"Now what?" Amanda looked at the rest of the group, all solemnly quiet due to the problems they were about to cause for not only their friend, but for the city itself. "The election is happening and like it or not, what Barba said is true. Should we attack before or after?"

"We need to do it now," Finn said before anyone else spoke up. "It'll be a lot harder to make the case when he had even more power."

"It's not quite up to us, though," Olivia reminded them all where the case would be going.

"But it will be handled before anything happens," Nick said the obvious.

"We have to hand this over to Barba," Olivia pulled her glasses off and rubbed her forehead. It was going to be a difficult conversation.

"Let me do it," Montserrat's volunteer came as a surprise to the group, although not so much for Sonny. Whoever volunteered would be volunteering to get yelled at and probably insulted.

The job was hers.

~0~

The last thing Rafael expected was for Montserrat to stop by his office. She came with a mission, however, and it was not a good one.

"Sorry," she felt the need to say as he watched him go through the evidence.

Rafael did a double-take at her, seeming almost incredulous. For a split second, Montserrat thought she did something wrong again.

"Oh God, what I say now?" she sighed.

"Nothing," Rafael said quietly then returned his attention to the report. "Absolutely nothing," he mumbled under his breath.

"When are you handing that over to the special prosecutor?" she then asked, though the fact she was rocking on her feet was signal enough of her nervousness.

"I... I'm not sure. I want Alex - I want _him_ to do it out of his own accord. Be the man he used to be."

Montserrat could say that was a failed plan, but she thought she should be more cautious with her words. "But you just said it. He's someone else now. You can't keep giving him chances you wouldn't offer other perps."

The label hurt more than it should've because it was true.

"I have to try," Rafael insisted, pushing himself up from his seat. He knew what she was thinking - that he was biased, and he probably was - but he needed to do it one more time, at least one more time to say he did everything he could. "Maybe now that he knows what's coming, he'll want to do the right thing."

Montserrat watched him move around the office, trying to convince himself that things could be turned down the right path. She knew what the outcome would be and she was pretty sure that he knew too. He was just trying to convincing himself Alex would take the last chance.

"That's your plan?" she took a seat on his desk, ignoring his brief look for that, and crossed her legs. "Stupidly waste your time? And at night, by the way?"

"It's not a waste of time," he snapped. "I'm giving him the opportunity-"

"-he doesn't _want_ an opportunity!" Montserrat suddenly snapped louder than he had. "C'mon, Rafael, you're too smart for that. How did Nick put it? You're too smart for your own good!"

Rafael stopped his pacing to glare at her, but even then Montserrat didn't back down. She'd grown very used to it by now. Still, she knew this was a different situation, one that had him going crazier than usual. That pushed her guilt.

"You're not desisting, are you?"

"Not at all."

 _You stubborn man_. Montserrat inwardly sighed but still ventured to help him. "Fine. Then I'm coming with."

Rafael paused for another second, thinking it was a joke or another tactic to get him to stop. But when she didn't retract, he became uncomfortable. "Why?"

"Because you're hell-bent on losing your job and because I'm an idiot who loves being yelled at."

That sting was of course meant for him and it was well delivered, but she didn't actually seem to be upset. That just made things odder. He knew he'd been unnecessarily rude to her, in the same situation they were in again, and yet she was stupid enough to come back for more?

"No, absolutely not," he said in the end, but he should've known who he was dealing with.

"You don't have a choice. I'm coming, end of story. Or I go and arrest Alex myself. I'm sure Nick would accompany me if I asked."

Rafael's glare returned, and deeper too, but he knew when he lost...even though it wasn't often. Montserrat got him. In another moment, he would've been impressed. "First, get off my desk."

"Sorry," Montserrat quickly got off and smiled cheerfully.

"Second of all, don't ever threaten me like that again."

"That I cannot promise. You have a tendency to only understand if you're being threatened," Montserrat shrugged and moved to the side. She gestured towards the desk where the evidence rested. "Get what you need."

Rafael looked at her for a full minute before walking up to his desk. Before sifting through the evidence, he glanced at her. "Novak, you're setting yourself up for trouble."

"I know," Montserrat said with all honesty. Her bluntness was even more surprising to him.

She was dead serious.

~0~

The flashing lights in the building would make Montserrat blind if she remained there for too long. Fifteen minutes of standing there were already doing a number on her.

"Now I see why you say 'no' to these events," she told Rafael while she rubbed her eyes.

The ADA was quietly standing beside her, eyes trained on the incoming guests. So many important people had passed by except for the one he needed. Eventually, he began to hear Alex's voice greeting those at the entrance. It was, of course, sucking up.

"Do you want me to come with you, or…?" Montserrat trailed off when Rafael raised a hand indicating her stop.

"Just make sure no one else follows," he curtly warned before taking off.

Montserrat frowned after him. She hated the way he was talking to her, but she tried to remind herself his situation. It was courtesy, leniency, she was trying to offer...but he was pushing her buttons.

"Be the bigger person, be the bigger person," Montserrat mumbled under her breath as she walked past the guests.

"Now? Seriously?" She arrived in time to see Alex's response to Rafael's probable polite asking for a talk.

The local reverend of the place came forwards, almost reeling Alex away from Rafael. "There's a room full of union leaders and CEOs waiting to hear how he's going to save the city."

Montserrat practically pushed her way through the crowd in order to cleverly respond with, "Then unless you want that whole room of Union leaders and CEOs to hear that your friend may be guilty - of several serious charges by the way - you should listen to my friend."

Rafael gave her a side-glance, seemingly thankful for the jab.

"Rafael, todo bien?" Yelina had done the same as Montserrat - moved people out of her way to get there, but the only difference was she did in a lavender cocktail dress.

Rafael kept a straight face when he replied. "Alex and I need to talk."

"Ahora?"

"Well, let's get a nice shot," the priest pulled Yelina towards a photographer and a group of waiting guests. "Mr. Slater, will you join us?"

"I won't be long," Alex promised Yelina, giving her a long kiss afterwards.

Montserrat rolled her eyes in plain sight. She was so done with these people.

"Do you know what they're going to talk about?" Yelina approached Montserrat almost immediately after Rafael left with Alex.

Montserrat cleared her throat and practically looked anywhere but Yelina's face. "I...may have an idea, but I definitely know you're not gonna like it." And even though she kept true to her words, she could tell that Yelina had figured out a good portion of the situation. "I'm so sorry," Montserrat could only say before leaving herself.

As she exited the building, she could see the two shadows of men across the street. She's didn't want to admit that she could hear some pieces of their conversation - turning into an argument real fast, she might add - but it was inevitable. What she was lost on was how someone could deny what was so blatantly true especially when it hit them in the face. Because that's exactly what Alex was doing, even when Rafael kept springing new evidence right to Alex's face.

In fact, Alex was getting _offended_ as if he _had_ a reason to get offended. It was ridiculous.

Rafael was left to walk the street alone since, according to Alex - and a hidden truth - he was no longer friends with the people of his neighborhood. Montserrat felt sympathy for them all, but even more for her friend. And by this point, Rafael was going to go mad. It hurt that he was being accused of purposely drowning his once best friend into an abyss. As if _he_ was the wrong one.

One thing Montserrat was sure of was that friendship was _over_. The bad blood was too much.

"Rafael! Hey! Stop walking!" Montserrat sprinted after him down the street. "Would you - I _know_ you can hear me!"

Finally, the ADA stopped and turned sideways, his expression warning her to stay away. Of course, Montserrat wasn't one to always listen. "Novak, you're free to go."

Montserrat snorted, her offence etching across her face. "No one was threatening with me with a gun, Rafael. I came for _you_. As backup. As... _support_ because I can't imagine what you're feeling. I wouldn't be able to take it."

"I can. You can go-"

"-I'm not leaving you alone like this! What the hell did Alex tell you?"

"That he doesn't care, basically. He has…" Rafael stopped for a second, still unable to believe where they were now. "He has no morals left. So now I have to do what my job tells me to."

"You're going to turn him in," Montserrat quietly said. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Rafael said then turned to leave.

"Well…" Montserrat hesitated to follow, knowing she was just pushing his anger to double, but it wasn't a good idea to leave him alone either. "Do you want to go get some drinks? Coffee maybe…?" She'd only taken a couple steps in his direction when he whirled around with newfound anger.

"Novak, leave me the hell alone! I don't want your company, I don't need anyone else! So leave me alone already!"

Montserrat blinked in shock at his outburst. Of course she figured she'd finally pushed the right button of his to make him snap like that. She couldn't say she was surprised. "Sorry…" she cleared her throat and brought her coat closer to her chest. "I'll...see you tomorrow, then." She started turning in the opposite direction and only paused for a second to apologize again.

Rafael shook his head and started on his own way home, but as he walked he remembered this wasn't the first time he snapped at Montserrat while she was trying to help him...the guilt started settling in. He didn't feel guilt very often, which was what made it hard to ignore this one. "Dammit," he muttered to himself before turning back. He didn't exactly know what he was doing but his feet were moving in Montserrat's direction, and fast too.

He spotted the familiar red hair nearly at the end of the block. She was on the phone...and he started to overhear.

"No, I'm coming home right now. Jesus, who are you? My father?" Montserrat snorted at whoever was on the other line. "Oh no, if you're at my place then I'm not coming home for a long time."

Montserrat pushed the pedestrian button to cross the street and waited her turn. "I _did_ go with Rafael to that stupid event but in the end I got the worst of it." There was a brief pause before Montserrat snorted again. "Nah, he's being an ass. I'll go check up on him tomorrow morning." Another pause passed then Montserrat started bidding goodbye. "Yeah, whatever. See you tomorrow, Carisi." She stuffed her phone into her coat's pocket and continued to wait for the light to switch.

Montserrat heard someone clear their throat followed by a, "So you talk to Carisi at this hour?"

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes. The pedestrian light switched to go so she stepped onto the road to cross the street. "What do you care if I talk to Sonny?"

"I'm just curious," Rafael walked alongside her.

"Why are you back?" Montserrat's question was asked in the a tiring manner, as if she'd done this over and over. (And she had). Two times was enough to get a hint, though.

"I realized I acted like…"

Montserrat stopped once they'd crossed the street and turned to face him. "...an ass? Yeah. You are. It's why I was giving you the night to cool off."

Rafael's smile was wide and amused. "Really? And you were still going to come back?"

Montserrat wanted to ignore his amusement but she somehow ended up smiling as well. "Yeah. You're an extra rude prick but I'm letting it go on account of the situation."

Despite the light atmosphere between them, Rafael had to get serious. And when he did, the guilt returned. "Montserrat, I'm...you came with me - you _offered_ to come with me and I...I yelled...I was…"

Montserrat smiled even wider when she realized what he was attempting to do. She would've let it go on for pure amusement but she figured he was already having enough troubles, so she gave him a break and surprised him with a hug.

"What are you doing…?" Rafael went stiff, to the point where Montserrat nearly laughed.

"Hugging you because you need it," she mumbled. "I'm sorry about Alex."

"So am I," Rafael admitted. "But don't count him out. He's a winner." Montserrat scoffed, but he was quite serious. "When I was seven, my mom said, 'stick with Alex. He'll be mayor of New York someday.' She never said that about me."

"But you turned out even better," Montserrat said automatically and missed his brief smile.

"It's politics. No danger of a traffic jam on the high road."

"He was still he was your friend-"

"-so was Yelina. She thinks this was personal, not professional."

"Stop," Montserrat drew away from him to look him in the eyes. "If they'd been your friends, they wouldn't have put you through all of that. It's on them, not on you."

"Thank you," Rafael said after a minute. He looked at her for a minute while it donned on him she'd been the only one to be with him throughout the entire case, even when he probably didn't deserve it. He pulled her back for another hug, startling her, but it was ironic since he wasn't able to hug back the way Montserrat would expect. It showed he didn't do a lot of hugging in his life...which was a shame because he had the arms for it...and a good scent.

 _Get ahold of yourself, Montse_ , she silently berated herself.

"Is your brother still not talking to you?"

Montserrat was startled by the question. "No. In his perspective, I'm still the ungrateful daughter who insulted our father." Her sarcastic remark wasn't enough to make it seem like it hurt less. But just like Rafael, a grimness settled across her face. "He's not letting me talk to my nieces, nor see them. I don't have a lot of family in New York, so...it's a little hard dealing with it…"

"I know," Rafael agreed. "You'll get through this."

"...so will you," Montserrat whispered.

She sincerely hoped they could.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

This is probably my favorite episode ever. It just always broke my heart at the end when Rafael says the things about his mother pushing him with Alex and the Yelina part and yet all Liv said was 'you had a job and you did it'. Like I get she was trying to help but someone could've said something more!? Least Montse was around this time ;)


	14. Wonderland Blues

Montserrat checked her phone one more time as she headed into the D.A's building. She'd gotten a text - several texts and calls - from Casey and Rafael, both leaving urgent voicemails. She had to be at Rafael's office ASAP. She hurried down the hallway and made a swift turn for Rafael's office.

"Hi," she gave a quick greeting to Carmen and pointed towards the shut doors. "Is he in there?"

Carmen didn't get the opportunity to answer because Montserrat had gone right in. She came to a skidded stop midway when she saw her brother sitting at the desk, along with Casey and Rafael.

"Oh n-n-n-n-n-no," Montserrat began to shake her head - and finger for that matter - once she realized what the plan was. "I am not-"

"Montse," Casey rose from her seat, but Montserrat violently pointed at her to stop.

"Don't!"

"Novak-"

Montserrat turned her finger on Rafael. "Especially don't!"

"For once I agree with her!" Gael also stood up, ready to go.

"Yes, I think for once we're on the same page," Montserrat shrugged and turned to leave...only to bump into her father. The ginger stumbled back a couple steps. "...Dad?"

"Hello Montserrat," Thomas Novak looked down at her daughter with a sharpness only a father could have. "Sit down."

Montserrat lost her bravery there and then. _I'm almost 30 and he still does this to me!_ With a frown, she turned and headed for the chair Casey left open. She glared at her ginger cousin. "I can't believe you called our Dad on us." Her eyes then flickered to Rafael standing next to Casey. "And I can't believe you were on board with it."

"On board with it?" he scoffed. "It was _my_ idea."

If Montserrat was irritated before, she was now furious. "What...the hell…?"

"Was exactly what I said," Gael muttered in his chair.

"Can we have a couple minutes alone, please?" Thomas asked the two lawyers in the room.

"Of course, uncle Thomas," Casey nodded her head. She looked over to Rafael and when he nodded, she took the lead out.

Thomas cleared his throat once they were alone. "I cannot believe my grown up son and daughter are fighting like...children."

"Dad-"

"Montserrat Irene, I suggest you not talk until I am finished," Thomas snapped. "It is ridiculous, and frankly embarrassing, that your argument has gotten to the point where your cousin, and your co-worker, felt the need to call _me_." He brought a hand to his nose, pinching the bridge of it. "What, pray tell, is it that has you two arguing like cats and dogs?"

Gael took the lead in answering, and fast. "Montse, here, said you weren't a good father-"

"-that's not what I said!" Montserrat exclaimed, turning on her chair. "Daddy, that's not what I said!" she almost whined like when they were children and she was accused of being the typical annoying little sister.

"Yes it was!" Gael shouted at her.

"Enough!" Thomas overpowered the two with a mere call.

"Daddy, that's not what I meant when I said that," Montserrat pushed herself up from her chair. "I was doing a case where a mother had to leave her kid alone for a couple days because she had no one to watch her. I was only making a comparison, saying how you used to leave Gael and I alone too. But I would _never_ say that you were a bad father."

"Well, I know that, sweetie," Thomas walked over to her, setting his hands on her shoulders. "Is that really why you're arguing?"

Montserrat shot her brother a glare. "Yes. Gael, over here, doesn't get it. He started bringing in things about Mom and-"

"I said that _Regina_ -" Gael made a point in saying their mother's name as if it belonged to a stranger, unlike his sister who still called her 'mom' despite her abandonment, "-was the bad parent. She was the culprit of our difficulties growing up."

"It's not how you said it," Montserrat snapped, turning to face her brother. "You made it seem like I was ignoring what Mom-"

"- _Regina_ -"

"-who cares!" Montserrat exclaimed. "Point is, you made things a lot bigger than they needed to be. You took my words the worst way possible. You think I forgot what Mom did to us? You think I forgot that Mom abandoned us? That she left us? well I haven't. I know exactly what she did. I may not remember her, but I will always remember what she did to us."

Montserrat's eyes had teared up with memories she couldn't even remember. Regina Novak was a scarce memory of a four year old. She never knew what hurt most: barely remembering their mother, or remembering everything about her and missing her completely.

"Montse…" Gael sighed, bringing a hand to his ruffled dark hair.

"I _am_ sorry about things, about shouting…" Montserrat moved towards her brother with the intention of hugging him if he allowed it. "About everything I'm...I'm sorry."

Gael nodded, acknowledging her words. He took his baby sister into a tight hug. "I'm sorry too, Montse."

"Great, now that it's settled," Thomas clapped his hands together, "If you ever make me do this again I will ground both of you until you're sixty."

"Gael's almost there anyways," Montserrat mumbled and earned a playful shove from Gael.

"I'm 40 and you're 10!"

"Twenty nine," Montserrat smirked.

"Going on 30. Soon, I may add."

Montserrat's smirk faded. A minute later, she turned back to her father. "Dad!"

~ 0 ~

Kara Mackie strode into the precinct's bullpen with a cheery, secretive smile until she came to the first desk with a familiar detective. "Good afternoon, detective."

Sonny smiled almost as brightly as she had coming in. "Afternoon Miss Mackie, Your roommate isn't here right now."

"Good, I was aiming for a moment where she wasn't here," Kara looked around and saw the rest of the squad in the break room. "Montserrat's birthday is coming up next month. It's the big 3-0 and I'm throwing a surprise birthday party for her. Think your team's interested in going?"

Sonny leaned back in his chair with a growing smile. "I think they might be. What's on the menu?"

"Whatever you're cooking," Kara easily answered with. Sonny raised his eyebrows in amusement, nearly laughing at how easily Kara had set everything up.

"I'm just kidding, though. I haven't thought it through exactly but I'm thinking of it having the party at a restaurant. That's why I'm starting early on this planning thing."

Before Sonny could say something about that, they started to hear familiar voices carrying into the bullpen until they saw Montserrat coming in - in a quick paced walk - with Rafael tailing her.

"Are you really doing this, Novak?" he followed her directly to her desk.

"You mean, like, never talking to you again? Yeah, I am!" she shook her head and plopped down into her chair. 'That's my plan and I'm sticking to it. You can pass the message to Casey."

Rafael pinched the bridge of his nose, so irritated with Montserrat right now he could shake her like a salt shaker. "Montserrat, Casey and I were trying to help. _I_ was trying to help!"

"So you called my _dad_!? Like I was 10!? You see the problem with that, right?"

Kara exchanged a look with Sonny, both thinking the same thing.

"It's like if I would call your mom and...how old are you again?"

Rafael dropped his hand to his side and took in a deep breath. "Montserrat, I swear to God you're making this-"

"-I'm doing what now?" Montserrat frowned at him, her voice sharpening. "You're going to tell me I'm doing _what_ now?"

Rafael sighed. He knew that challenging voice was just a trap for him. Whatever answer he gave, she would kill him. He sat on the edge of her desk and looked down at her for a good minute in which her glare did not waver. "Can I buy you lunch?"

Though she tried her best, Montserrat couldn't help the brief smile that came to her face. She rolled her eyes and looked away. "You can't just fix things with lunch."

"I can certainly try," Rafael said in amusement. "We can go for dinner later if you prefer."

"Stop," she ordered but she was near smiling again.

"We can try that French place you found last week," he continued on since it was clear he was getting through to her. "Or we can go to the bistro from down the block. Pick one."

Montserrat made a show of rolling her eyes again, as if he were just annoying her again, and practically forced herself to agree as if she wasn't hungry. "Fine," she got up and reached for her bag under her desk. "But I'm getting dessert. Twice."

"Of course you are," Rafael smirked as Montserrat took the lead out. He walked on after her, still carrying that confident air the others knew so well.

"Those two need to get a room already!" Kara nearly burst into laughter once they'd left. She looked at Sonny who couldn't seem more at home, as if he'd seen this before. "They just squabbled like an old married couple and he-" she pointed in Rafael's direction, "-just totally catered to her. Montse you idiot!"

~ 0 ~

"You're not off the hook," Montserrat said to Rafael after leaving their chosen restaurant. "You and Casey are... something else. You just happen to owe me a little less than Casey right now."

"I should be way ahead, I listened to you talk for an hour and a half straight."

Montserrat made a slow turn in front of him, forcing him to stop for a second. "Really? You didn't look that bored."

Rafael leveled her look with his own sarcasm. "Oh, right, because I was so excited to learn your biggest dream as a kid was to be a ballerina. Real original, by the way."

"What - hey!" she frowned. "Most girls at ten wanted to be a princess. I was original." Rafael scoffed and moved past her, leaving her to follow. "And I did practice! I was actually good, thank you very much."

"I'm eager to see the videos," he plainly said, making her roll her eyes. Truth be told, he was glad to have her back to normal. Sure it also meant she was in her prime state to irritate the hell out of him, but it was more fun anyways.

It gave him the chance to come up with new quick-witted responses.

~0~

In the evening when Montserrat was leaving work, she got a call from Kara asking her to stop by the salon first. It gave her the perfect chance to tease Sonny right before leaving.

"Unfortunately, you're not going on a date tonight," she stuck her tongue out at Sonny, very maturely of course, as she grabbed her things to go.

"No worries, I'll see her tomorrow," he suavely responded with, ending Montserrat's smirk.

"I _hate_ that you two are dating," she pretended to shiver. "It's just not right." She took her leave when Sonny began to laugh.

Montserrat arrived to Kara's salon to find the place nearly empty. There were no customers, just two employees of Kara's and Kara herself cleaning the mess of the day.

"Big night?" Montserrat crinkled her nose at the sight of a pile of hair in the middle of the salon.

"Thursdays are like false Fridays," Kara looked up from a desk she was clearing. "A lot of people come in thinking there'll be less people because it's Thursday and not Friday night. Still, we did good...right ladies?"

The two employees with them - one brunette and one black-haired - both nodded their heads. Montserrat didn't know them as personally as Kara did, but she was still good friends with them. The black haired woman was named Madison - sometimes nicknamed Maddie - while the brunette was Caroline, a petite girl.

"I think you all deserve drinks," Montserrat chuckled as she walked further into the salon. She swiped a magazine from a waiting table and skimmed the pages. "Maddie can get one, right?"

The black-haired woman stopped brooming for a moment to snort. "Drinking tonight, detective? Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"Hey, I'm just here to pick up my roommate, but she's taking forever," Montserrat gave Kara a smirk. "Bet you don't move like that when Sonny's at the door."

Now Kara smirked back. "Well, when you look like _him_ I'll come running."

"Cute Italian one?" Madison stopped brooming again just to gush. At Montserrat's questioning look, because there was no way Madison could know what Sonny looked like, Madison pointed at Kara. "She had pictures."

"You already have pictures!?" Montserrat groaned at Kara.

"They've gone out for a couple dates, it's natural," Caroline answered on Kara's behalf. "What's the big deal, Montse?"

"She's just mad cos I was able to snatch up a sexy detective and she can't get with her hot ADA," Kara said so easily Montserrat nearly keeled over from shock.

"WHAT!?" the detective practically screamed right there. While Kara laughed at Montserrat's fury, Madison and Caroline were echoes of 'what' in the background.

"Kara, what the hell!?" Montserrat stomped her foot to get Kara's attention since the blonde was still busy laughing. "You need to stop saying things like that or else someone hears and thinks it's _true_!"

"But...it _is_ ," Kara shrugged casually, even looking around as if she were genuinely confused. She walked over to Montserrat, ignoring the detective's protests as she dragged Montserrat to the nearest chair.

"Stop saying that, _please_ ," Montserrat's weariness was catching up with her. "We're just friends. You know, like I'm friends with Finn...with Nick...Sonny…?"

"All good looking," Kara assured Madison and Caroline as if the two were hanging on to their every word. "Though, as you know, Sonny's mine."

"I've seen pictures of them," Caroline admitted, a faint blush coming to her pale cheeks. "On the news...when they make reports or catch the criminals. They _are_ good looking. And they seem to be kind."

"They are," Montserrat sighed. She was letting Kara brush her hair, though she had no idea what Kara intended on doing besides that. Sometimes it was just a thing they would do to each other to calm down after something happened. When they were teenagers and had bad break ups or problems, they would find comfort in this. "And they're my friends, okay?"

"Yes, they are," Kara agreed. "But Rafael isn't. Well, technically he is, but...you know what I mean." Montserrat shook her head but Kara forced her to stay still. "Stop denying me, Montse. Besides, what's the big deal anyways? He _is_ attractive."

"Yeah, I know _you_ think that because you were the one who first said it, not me," Montserrat scrunched her face after having her hair pulled by Kara's brush. She thought that was on purpose.

Kara chuckled. "It's like I'm talking to high school Montse. Remember when you liked Hayden from the baseball team? You were head over heels for him and you never admitted it."

"Because I wasn't!"

"She literally loved him," Kara told Madison and Caroline on the side. "He had all the muscles but not a lot of brains. She never confessed so he started dating this stupid cheerleader. And I literally mean _stupid_ cheerleader. She was an airhead...just like Hayden was. One for the other."

"Kara!"

"Anyways," Kara smiled and paused her brushing for a minute, "Rafael's a different story. For one, he's not an idiot like Hayden. Sonny said he studied in Harvard-"

"-please stop," Montserrat closed her eyes and sighed.

"And, as I have said before, he's _really_ attractive," Kara stopped for a moment just to mouth ' _really_ ' to the other women then continued on as if Montserrat wasn't shooting daggers at her through the mirror. "You can't deny that, Montse. Don't even try."

Montserrat said nothing but rolled her eyes. She wouldn't deny her face was a little warm, but Kara would never know that.

"The good news is, you're attractive too and he probably knows that," Kara reached for a spray bottle of water and started spraying Montserrat's hair with it.

"Woah, woah, woah what are you doing!?" the detective swatted Kara's hands away.

"I'm cutting your split ends off. You asked me to do that last week," Kara reminded her and so Montserrat calmed down.

"Oh, sorry…" Montserrat got back in her chair and straightened up.

Madison handed Kara a pair of scissors and continued with her clean up duties. Kara started cutting off some of the tips of Montserrat's hair, though apparently the conversation hadn't finished. "I'm just saying, you already do the couple bickering and the dates."

"It's not - ow!" Montserrat flinched after Kara pulled her hair again.

"Oh no!"

Montserrat froze in her chair the moment Kara had gasped. "What...happened…?"

Kara was covering her mouth with one hand while the other held onto the scissors. Montserrat's eyes landed on the mirror and saw a chunk of her hair missing. There were a lot of things that ran through her head so she was very proud of herself she was restraining herself.

"Kara...I know I say this a lot, but this time I really mean it: I'm going to _kill_ you."

~ 0 ~

It was morning when Kara walked into Casey's office. She passed Casey's assistant and found the Homicide ADA working fervently at her desk.

"Good morning," Kara greeted Casey as she closed the office door.

"Kara," Casey made a face of surprise. Kara never came to the DA's office. "What can I do for you? You're not in any kind of trouble are you?"

"No," Kara chuckled and moved towards the desk. "I'm just stopping by and inviting people to a little party I'm throwing for Montse next month. It's early but I want it to be perfect."

"Oh, that's right," Casey passed a hand down her face. It was too early to be on her third coffee and yet here she was. "Thirty years old...poor Montse."

Kara playfully rolled her eyes. "Don't tell her that."

Casey smiled to herself. Everyone knew Montserrat was trying to ignore the fact she was entering her thirties. "I will make my best effort not to. So then, party's at your place?"

"As of right now, I'm thinking about Montserrat's favorite restaraunt," Kara shrugged. "You'll be there?"

"Of course!"

"It's a surprise, so don't say anything to Montse."

"Not gonna say a word," Casey promised.

Kara smiled and headed out the office. She'd been making a list of everyone she'd invited and there were only a few people left on the list, including her own brother and Montserrat's brother as well. She'd get an earful from Damian, no doubt. She strode down the hallway with her phone in hand, ready to call her brother when she spotted a familiar ADA. _Saves me the search_ , she thought before picking up her pace.

"Rafael?" her call stopped the ADA from leaving with another co-worker. His confusion was beyond evident, almost amusing but Kara knew from Montse (and Sonny) this was not the man to joke around with. "Morning, did I interrupt?"

"Not really...what are you doing here?" he asked with the same tone Casey had earlier. "Are you in some type of problem?"

"Why does everyone ask me that?" Kara chuckled.

"Because this isn't the type of place you visit just because?"

"Right," Kara nodded and cleared her throat, preferring to get to business. She'd never talked to Rafael on her own, and now she realized that she would never be able to have anything with him. He kind of scared her. "I was inviting people to Montse's surprise party next month and you and Casey are in the same building, so…"

"Montserrat's birthday is coming up?" he asked with the same confusion as before. "She...didn't tell me anything."

"Don't worry!" Kara quickly said before he jumped to conclusions. "She's turning 30 so she probably doesn't want anyone to know."

That caused a smile for Rafael. "Really? She's afraid of 30? Try 36."

"You're 36?" Kara blinked but quickly shook her head to avoid any awkward conversation. "Sorry! Point is, she's 29 going on 30 and she's not very happy about it so don't feel bad about not knowing. I'm sure she's desperately trying to forget herself."

"It's not that big of a deal."

"For women, it kind of is. The party's probably going to be at Montserrat's favorite restaurant and it's a surprise, so...don't say anything."

"Promise I won't," Rafael gave a light nod.

"Great," Kara smiled. She made a move to leave when she remembered something important and whirled around with a loud "Oh!" She walked back to Rafael and said, "By the way, when you see Montse...if she looks...different...don't make comments about it. Please. For my life."

"Comments…?" Rafael raised an eyebrow at her. "As in…?"

"You know, your typical sarcasm Montse talks about," Kara innocently smiled. "Just a warning. She might actually kill you."

Rafael watched her rub the side of her neck as if there were something she was remembering. "O...kay. Sure. I have to go."

"Okay," Kara's smile was rather uncomfortable for his liking so he preferred to leave.

Though now he was curious about Montserrat. Maybe he'd make a stop earlier than planned.

~0 ~

Montserrat hugged her coffee cup like her life depended on it. She emerged from the precinct's elevator and made way for the bullpen. She could already hear Amanda and Nick going at it over something no doubt unimportant. They seemed to bicker a lot, now that Montserrat thought about it. She silently came in and walked straight for her desk. As she began to settle her things on her desk, some of her team members had already noticed her.

"Montse…" Sonny began, even leaning forwards on his desk as if he needed a closer look.

" _Don't_ ," she quietly warned. "Kara Mackie is dead to me."

Sonny chuckled and looked at the others. "No wonder she called so scared."

"You look nice," Amanda kindly remarked despite Montserrat picking at her new shortened hair.

Montserrat's long, wavy red hair had been cut to her shoulders now. It retained its waviness with a few more curls than usual. Her straight bangs were no longer in front of her forehead. Each half was now curled to the side.

"Thanks…" Montserrat sighed. "But it was an accident. Kara was cutting the tips and then...her hand slipped. And now here we are."

"You do look great," Amanda reassured her with the same kind smile.

"Is Kara still alive?" Nick couldn't help but ask, sharing a snicker with Fin.

"Barely, but she's there," Montserrat answered with a straight face.

The door to Olivia's office opened up and out came the Sergeant with a grimness no one could match.

"What's going on?" Fin asked once Olivia finally lowered her phone to her side.

"Do you remember Sarah Walsh?"

"Right, the piano student, the one whose rapist got off."

"Yeah. She just texted me. She thinks she was raped. Again."

"Hold on, when did we do this case?" Montserrat asked the others for some help.

"A case from 2 years ago," Fin started getting up.

"We need to go question her, and fast," Olivia declared. "This girl has been raped before, gone to trial and lost. We have to be extra cautious."

"Aren't we always?" countered Nick with a thin smile.

Olivia gave a bob of her head before walking off, though as she passed Montserrat she remarked, "Nice hair."

Montserrat scrunched her face but kept her mouth shut.

~ 0 ~

When Olivia and Nick went to talk to Sarah, the rest of the team got ahold of the needed special teams to go through Sarah's apartment once again. She was taken to the hospital for her rape kit and in the meantime, the other detectives did their own paperwork for the case.

"So Michael Wedmore got off scot-free in a trial?" Montserrat reread the report of Sarah's previous trial and came to the awful conclusion. "And now he's raped the same girl?"

Sonny, who was also reading with her, took a look for himself. "Bastard is hitting in his comfort zone."

"But it's stupid," Montserrat moved around their desks so that she could sit at the edge of Sonny's desk. "He would obviously know that he'd be the prime suspect if he attacked Sarah again. This doesn't make a lot of sense."

"None of our cases usually do," Amanda called from her seat. She'd just hung up the phone and was looking rather disillusioned. "Finn and Amaro just finished talking to Wedmore's boss and mother. Apparently, he was on a shift last night but today he's at a church retreat with his fiancee."

"Great," Sonny let the report drop on his desk. "So where does that leave us now?"

"Well," Amanda went through her own papers again. "Hospital did confirm Sarah was assaulted. She had a torn earlobe, bruising, and trauma consistent with dot, dot, dot…" she trailed off and looked up. "She's not crying wolf."

"So, just to recap," Montserrat started back for her own desk. "Neighbors didn't see nor hear anything. There were no signs of forced entry and to top it off, there's no security cameras in the building. Lovely Friday it is."

Sonny's cellphone dinged with a call, and upon seeing Olivia's name on the screen he quickly answered it. It was a quick conversation but full of information. "Rape kit came back," he announced to the two women with him. "Sarah was drugged. G.H.B. in her urine. No semen. No DNA. Liv says we need to talk to Sarah's friends. Maybe they can help put together the timeline that we don't have."

"You two go," Amanda nodded him and Montserrat out. "Finn and Amaro are coming back so maybe we can try to see if we can get any security cameras from the street the bar was at."

The other two detectives nodded and gathered their coats to leave.

~ 0 ~

Talking to Sarah's friends led Montserrat and Sonny to a higher income neighborhood, specifically one nice two story penthouse. A dark haired girl was cleaning the living room when the two detectives arrived, but she was more than willing to help.

"So how do you and Sarah know each other?" asked Sonny.

"Sarah and I met at the music academy, and we used to cater together."

"Nice place you got here," Montserrat had to remark after catching sight of a beautiful chandelier on the ceiling.

The girl chuckled. "I wish! I just house-sit, and I feed George and Martha." She gestured to the two lizards inside their glass tank.

Montserrat struggled not to shiver right there and then. "So...now, you and your fiance... You guys went out with Sarah Friday night?"

"Yeah. She left me a message, but I haven't called her back yet. I'm so busy with the wedding." The girl walked past the detectives to put her cleaning supplies down. She got the vibe, from their sharp looks, that she was missing something. "Um, is she okay?"

Sonny exchanged a glance with Montserrat before answering. "Something may have happened, and now we're hoping that you can help us. Now, did you see Sarah with any guys that night?"

"No, no. It was just the three of us."

Montserrat held out a black tablet she'd been carrying, loaded with men's pictures for her to look through. "Recognize any of these guys from the bar?"

The girl skimmed through them but she shook her head after finishing with the last one. "No. Was she raped again?"

"How late were you out with Sarah?" Montserrat took the tablet instead of answering. Maybe if the friend had called back she would know.

"Um, like, 11:00. We gave her the watch, and then Matthew and I went home."

"The watch?" Sonny repeated in confusion.

"Yes. I thought you knew. It's like an entry pass to an underground party."

"Where was the party?"

"You never know. That's the thing. It's... Last weekend, it was at an abandoned subway station."

"Oh, okay, so it's one of those deals where you meet a guide on the corner, and he…"

Nicole nodded. "You give him a pocket watch that you got from someone who went to last weekend's party."

"And you gave Sarah one?" Sonny inquired. Nicole nodded again. "Do you have another one?"

"Yeah, um... " Nicole went towards a backpack sitting at a dining table. She reached into the front pocket and pulled out a silver pocket watch. She came back and handed it to Sonny.

Sonny saw there was a message inside the pocket-watch and read it out loud. "Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' She asked."

Nicole smiled. "It's an Alice in wonderland theme."

"Kinda got it," Sonny made a face before taking a tighter hold on the watch. "Has Sarah been to any of these parties before?"

"Nicole?" a man's voice called from downstairs. Nicole glanced back to see her fiancee coming up. 'Everything all right?"

"Uh, yeah, Matthew, these are S.V.U. Detectives. Sarah was attacked," she felt guilt to say since they were just now hearing about it.

"Oh, my God. She was just starting to have fun again," Matthew said in horror.

Montserrat raised an eyebrow at the two, her disapproval so evident the younger couple seemed to shrink. "So neither of you guys have checked in with her since that party?"

Nicole awkwardly shifted in her spot. "Is it okay to call her now?"

"Gee, it just might be," Montserrat shook her head and started to head out.

"We're keeping the watch," Sonny informed them before leaving as well.

~ 0 ~

On their way back to the precinct, Montserrat and Sonny let the others know what they'd discovered in hopes that they could get a head start on the research of the underground parties.

"I wonder if the actual culprit is a regular guest at these parties," Sonny wondered while they waited for the precinct elevator to open up.

"Well, if he is then he has a lot of time for it," Montserrat said. "These parties are every week on Sunday and sometimes Saturday by what Amanda texted. This guy has to set apart two whole nights for these things."

"They make time," Sonny said and pressed the elevator button again, impatiently tapping a foot too.

"So maybe we'll have to make time too," Montserrat blinked when an idea popped into her head.

"Detectives," Rafael called as he entered the building, "Tell me you're the ones who have something good for me?"

"What do you mean?" Sonny frowned.

"Liv called, and I've learned to recognize her 'I don't have anything' tone," Rafael shook his head, already weary for this case that started off badly. He suddenly did a double-take at Montserrat and immediately remembered Kara's words from the morning. "Hm."

"Don't say it," Montserrat warned. The elevator doors dinged open and in she stepped first.

"I didn't say anything," Rafael said, but his smile was worth a thousand words.

"No, but you want to," Montserrat's eyes flickered to the side.

Sonny was the last to step in and therefore the one to press for their floor. "I'd be careful, councilor. Kara took a punch in the neck."

Rafael then remembered poor Kara rubbing the side of her neck. "That's violence, Novak. And against someone who just gave you a nice haircut." Montserrat quickly looked at him for his words. Rafael met her glance with a light smile. "You do look nice." He knew his words were out of place, at least in the wrong time, due to their work hour but he did mean what he said. Her ginger hair seemed to be even more red, like a blazing orange that was neatly styled into soft curls. It made her smirk more...striking.

When the elevators re-opened, the two detectives and ADA stepped out and headed for the bullpen.

"So, how'd it happen?" Rafael couldn't keep his curiosity at bay. Kara seemed quite scared in the morning meaning she couldn't have planned something like this.

Montserrat sighed. It was getting tiring being mad about it. "I mean...she was just going to cut the tips off and then suddenly her hand slipped or something, I don't know, but the next thing I knew there was a big chunk of my hair missing."

"To be fair, Kara does feel bad about it," Sonny thought it was worth mentioning.

"To be fair-" Montserrat mimicked his tone, "- _I'm_ the one walking around with half my hair missing."

"It's fine Novak," Rafael motioned with a hand not to get worked up about it. "It'll grow back."

But apparently, that wasn't any better. "Says the man with the set of fluffy hair." Her eyes then flickered to Sonny and groaned. "The two of you, actually." She moved past them, missing them both reaching a hand up to their respective hair.

After a few minutes, the entire team gathered in the conference room to review the development of their case. Unfortunately, it wasn't heading in the right direction.

"Okay. So, Sarah was a cooperating witness as long as she thought we were going after Wedmore. Now she's backing off?" Rafael asked just to make sure he was hearing correctly.

Olivia raised her hands for him to stop and not jump to conclusions. "Not on her story. She's realizing that she was assaulted by a different man. We've seen it before. You get victimized a second time. You blame yourself."

"Either way, she still can't I.D. anyone," Amanda reminded them, but she received the same gesture from Olivia.

"Look, we're not gonna drop the case. I mean, whoever slipped g.H.B. in her drink, he's still out there."

"Alright," Rafael said, giving Olivia a sharp look. It's not like he was going to leave things as they were. "Any luck tracking this underground party?"

"We know the corner where she met her guide, but it's Sunday night," Nick answered, seeming a little too casual about it.

Rafael impatiently waited for him to continue, but when Nick didn't he pushed for it himself. "Yeah, so what?"

"The kids that go to these things, they don't have day jobs."

"So we catch them at night," Montserrat said once she followed Nick's game. She shrugged at the others with a secretive smile. "Ourselves."

"You mean like UCs?" Fin raised an eyebrow at her.

"It's easy," she plopped down in a chair, still smiling so casually, "We go as undercovers and just follow them to where the party is tonight. I've gone to one of these things when I was younger. I know how it works."

Olivia made her motherly disapproval face. "I'm gonna pretend like I didn't just hear that."

Montserrat smirked like a child would when they knew they were going to get away with something.

Olivia then turned to the rest of the team. "But she's right. We'll need to interview each guest that was in the previous party. Best guess at where they'll be tonight is at this party so let's prepare ourselves."

~0~

SVU had a parked van across the street from where the underground guide was meant to be at. Fin and Amanda were stationed at the head of the controls, ready to listen in, while the remaining detectives were outside getting ready for their roles.

Olivia was leading Rafael down the street, explaining their intentions in detail. Since this was a second time tape for Sarah, Olivia was adamant in getting this right. Rafael could tell.

"Liv, it's just a routine UC job," he stopped the sergeant at the end of the block. "We'll get them."

Olivia tossed her head to the side, weary in the late hour. "We _need_ to get it right this time."

"Liv!" called Sonny. He, Montserrat and Nick were walking up to them, the first two donning unusual clothing for their liking but perfect for their UC roles.

"They're ready," Nick assured the Sergeant and ADA. "Everyone is."

"I'm freezing my ass off, so let's go," Montserrat urged everyone to take their positions. Her short sleeved blouse seemed breezy just by appearances, and even more so when wearing it.

Thankfully, Olivia was on the same page so they split within the second.

Both Montserrat and Sonny arrived at the other end of the street, where the underground party guests were waiting for their guide, in time because the guide approached them not a minute later.

The tall, dark skinned woman eyes every guest before speaking word. She gave a peculiar look in the detectives' away before saying, "Your old man alright climbing stairs?"

Montserrat nearly laughed there and then. Though maintaining his role, it was easy to tell the comment did not sit well with Sonny.

And perhaps Montserrat's comment didn't help either. "Yeah, my old man will be just fine."

"Are you serious?" Sonny hissed at her once they began moving. "I'm only a couple years older."

"Settle down, Carisi," Amanda's voice rang through their earpieces. Though a minute later she added, "Though maybe it's time to dye the gray hair away."

Sonny bit his tongue even as he heard some of the others snicker through his ear piece.

The underground party guide led them down several blocks, crossing two intersections before coming up an abandoned building. They made it to the rooftop where the guide stopped them I'm front of another ladder.

"To go down to wonderland, you start by going up," she flashed the group a smile and started up the ladder. "Follow me!"

"Wait, old man," Montserrat grabbed Sonny's arm before they could move. "Let me go in first." Her smirk was truly irritating for Sonny as she followed the guide up the ladder.

Montserrat peered into the second part of the ladder that led down to the underground party. It seemed crammed, honestly, and stuffy. She was definitely not a 20 year old anymore. She crinkled her nose at the foul scent of alcohol inside. It wasn't good alcohol, that much she knew.

"Hey! Call it in," she shouted down to Sonny. "No one's getting out of here!"

Sonny happily flashed his badge at the others.

~0~

There were various detectives questioning the underground party guests, including the guide, but so far it seemed no one remembered Sarah Walsh.

"They're playing stupid," Montserrat stopped by Amanda after interrogating another clueless guest. "They're acting as if they don't remember Sarah but if Sarah was as drunk or drugged as we think she was, someone has to remember her."

"Not everyone here is clueless, Montse," Amanda nodded towards the young man Fin was interrogating across them. "That's Cameron Tyler. He just sold his game app, sweets rush, for $180 million."

"Fine, then it goes back to what I'm saying: they're lying," Montserrat crossed her arms, though it was probably more because she was cold than upset.

"Then it's your job to make them say the truth," Rafael said when he and Olivia walked up to them.

"We're trying," Amanda assured, but it was easy to see she was already frustrated.

"Hey," Sonny called just as he joined them. "One of the guests just said the club promoter was Sarah's last boyfriend."

"And which one would that be?" Olivia asked, eagle eyes already searching for the club promoter amongst the guests.

Amanda was the one to answer by turning her back on them and nodding ahead. "The guy I just talked to. Conveniently left that detail out."

Olivia narrowed her look on the precise man. "Then let's talk to him again, see if he'll remember new things." She took the lead without another word. Amanda briefly glanced at the group with a smirk before heading after Olivia.

"Did anyone else get something useful?" Rafael asked the two remaining detectives.

"Well, Fin just talked to some gaming app guy who apparently has no clue," Montserrat began then Sonny finished.

"And all Nick got was drunken, fuzzy memories of last week."

"Hm, so, nothing," Rafael gave a nod of sarcasm.

Sonny side-glanced Montserrat with a knowing look. "Yeah, we'll see if we can get something else."

"Yes, _do_ ," Rafael nodded him to get going. "Novak?"

"I will use nice words," Montserrat said, thinking he would be on her case for her lack of proper interrogation skills. It wasn't a big problem, he just probably liked irritating her with it.

"Sure," Rafael said with a roll of his eyes then moved on. "I just wanted to confirm something I heard about you…"

Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him. There were no rumors about her...as far as she knew. Her heart skipped a beat the moment she thought - even suspected - that maybe he'd heard about her history in Queens…The reason she left the precinct maybe…? Her fingers immediately went for each other and started picking at the skin around the nails.

"Is it true you'll be turning 30 soon?" Rafael's question didn't register until a minute later.

She paused just as she was about to successfully lift a piece of skin from her right hand thumb. Her eyes seemed to squint for a minute until she could speak. "What? This is about my birthday?"

"Yes - what did you think it was about?" Rafael noticed her twitching fingers. She hardly ever got nervous - that's what made her a good detective - and this was no reason for her to be nervous.

"Nothing," she quickly said and drew her hands to her back instead. "U-um, so...my birthday? My age? Who the hell told you I'd be turning 30? That is no one's business!"

"I just heard it and I was curious. Didn't think it was that big of a deal…" Rafael remembered Kara's warning about Montserrat's sensitivity towards her age and it was frankly amusing. "It's a number. Literally."

"This is hardly the time to discuss my age," Montserrat's gaze flickered to the side where more interrogations were going on. "Do I look that old to you?"

Rafael playfully rolled his eyes at her. That was a question no man should ever answer a woman to. " _No_. I told you, I was merely curious. You never mentioned anything about it."

"Maybe because I didn't want anyone to know? It's not a good number no matter what anyone says. So please don't say anything about it to anyone. I want to skip it."

It took everything Rafael had not to scoff right there and then. If only she knew Kara was already planning a party and, he assumed, Sonny now knew of the exact date Montserrat's birthday fell on. _Poor Montserrat._

"Hey, Rafael, promise me that, okay? Don't say anything," Montserrat pleaded, none the wiser about anything. "Might not seem like a big deal to you but…" she sighed and paused for a minute. If she was being honest, her dilemma with her birthday didn't exactly pertain to the fact she was turning 30. Every time she thought about her birthday, her mind raced back to the horrible event that happened almost a year ago. It was nearly a year since she'd been raped, and though she was aware she'd made good progress on her healing, there were still things that hindered her from being a truly normal person. Turning 30 meant she had completed another year of life but it hadn't been the best of years for her. In fact, it's been the worst year of her life. She lost her job, she lost her home, and she lost the friends that she made in Queens.

With all the years of his profession, Rafael learned to read people's faces. He leaned to pick up on quirks of his clients and foes in order to help him succeed. Looking at Montserrat, he knew right away her problem wasn't the one she was describing. Or, it was at least _part_ of her problem with her birthday. But, the reality was that she was keeping something from him. Maybe she was keeping it from everyone, he didn't know. But the point was there was something she wasn't saying, something she didn't want to say for whatever reason. And that something was a heavy load.

"They won't hear it from me," he promised what he could because he knew Kara would be doing the exact opposite.

The change in Montserrat was instantaneous. The color returned to her face and her lips stretched into an everlasting smile. "Thank you," she said fast. "I really appreciate it."

 _There's definitely a secret there,_ he silently concluded. Still, he wouldn't push. He had no right to. "No problem." He saw the comfort his words gave Montserrat, a near peace she'd lost for some reason. It just made him want to know what troubled her so that he could help put an end to it.

"I'll see you around," Montserrat sheepishly said.

"Hold on, Novak," he called without thinking of what he could say to make her want to share. She waited for him to speak, but it was clear she had no intention of sharing. What a shame. "It's cold," he came up with instead. Montserrat blinked in surprise (and perhaps confusion) when he started shaking his coat off. "Take it."

Montserrat's eyes flickered from his coat to him. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, Novak. You're not going to freeze because no one was gentlemanly enough to offer a coat. Take it," Rafael practically waved the coat in front of her face.

With another sheepish smile, Montserrat took the coat. As she wrapped it around her shoulders she could smell the faint scent that was Rafael Barba. It was a mixture of his usual cologne and alcohol. It was just the right amount of each.

"Thank you," she said one more time, her face warm once again.

Rafael gave her a smile, actually finding it endearing to see her in his coat. Once he realized that admission he decided it was time to leave. "Until tomorrow." He moved on past her, afraid that if he so much as looked at her from the corner of his eyes he might get another of those thoughts.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

So I actually went on a writing spree for this story because of that little marathon they had for Rafael on the USA channel. Kinda inspired me to write 10 chapters in one week. I mean seriously, the line "who wouldn't want to do time with this sexy ADA?" got me spewing out chapters after chapters. Because...you know...who wouldn't? Montserrat probably would. Plus, I started re-watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - aka Ellie Kemper, the visual reference for our Montserrat - and she's just so darn cute I HAD to write her again.

 **For the review** : I know but thankfully that argument is finally over!


	15. I Don't Know

"Montserrat, you better get going!" Kara exclaimed while Montserrat lazily drank the remainder of her orange juice by the kitchen sink. "Don't you have work or something?"

Montserrat drowned the last of her orange juice then dumped the glass into the sink. She turned to her roommate with hands on her hips. "Yes, why are you pushing me so much? Don't tell me you're inviting Sonny over because that's just too early."

Kara deadpanned her for a good minute before responding. "You're just going to be late. You told me you were dealing with a tough case. You shouldn't waste time."

"I won't," Montserrat promised on her way into the hallway. "I'm just going to get changed then go."

Kara started picking up her own breakfast plate and brought into the kitchen. As she was depositing it into the sink, someone knocked on the door. "I got it!" she warned Montserrat before heading for the door. To her surprise, she found Rafael standing on the other side. "Uuh...should I get Montse?"

Rafael quickly shook his head. "No. I thought she'd be at work by now."

Kara rolled her eyes. "That's what I'm saying. She's running so late today!"

Rafael wished she would speak lower. If Montserrat was still in the apartment it meant she could overhear them.

It took Kara a couple seconds to realize that if he hadn't stopped by for Montserrat, it meant he wanted to talk to _her_. "What do you need from me?" she asked in confusion.

Now Rafael had thought long and hard about talking with Kara. On the one hand, it wasn't any of his business...but on the other hand, he wanted to help Montserrat. And because he was more inclined towards the latter, he was right there. "That surprise party you're doing for Montserrat next month...maybe it's not such a good idea."

Kara made a face that basically told him he was crazy. "Why would you say that?"

"Because…" And there was the trouble, wasn't it? Rafael knew exactly why Montserrat wouldn't want any party because she told him...but he couldn't tell Kara that.

"Oh God," Kara's eyes widened in alarm, "Does she know about it already?"

"No!" Rafael said fast. "I'm just thinking that since Montserrat's not very comfortable with her age she might not like a party."

Kara instantly calmed and even snorted. "Please. She'll like this party just as she liked all the other parties I've thrown for her. It's sort of our little thing. She pretends she doesn't want a party and then I make her a party and all is well with the world."

"I think this one might be the exception," Rafael said bluntly, his hard look making Kara frown.

"Why would you say that?"

Before Rafael could come up with another lie, Montserrat emerged from her bedroom. "I swear to God if that's Sonny already, Kara…!" she came out of the hallway fixing the collar of her blouse, stopping when she saw their guest. "Morning, councilor. I didn't know you knew where I lived."

"Not that hard to figure out when you have Casey around," Rafael briefly glanced at Kara, both silently agreeing not to mention their conversation to Montserrat. "I just wanted to know if you're working things out with your brother now…"

Montserrat made a weird smile but nonetheless nodded her head. "Yeah, um things are better. Since you and Casey blabbed to my Dad he basically threatened to punish us until we talked. Thank you for that, smart-mouth. Did I mention I really hate that mouth of yours?"

Rafael rolled his eyes. "You're welcome."

"I'll be in my room if anyone needs me," Kara backtracked into the hallway for her bedroom, though she was sure neither actually heard her.

"Did you really come all the way here to ask about me and my brother?" Montserrat turned for the living room to get the remainder of her things.

"I was in the neighborhood," Rafael shrugged, eyes still flickering to the hallway. He was sure Kara was planning that party as they spoke.

"Really?" Montserrat clearly didn't believe that for a second.

"Yes, really," Rafael mimicked her tone, flashing her a smile afterwards. "You caught me, though. There was another reason I stopped by."

"And what would that be?" Montserrat picked up her jacket and started slipping her arms into it.

"Your birthday," Rafael watched how she froze for a second then resumed her daily routine. He felt like he needed to do something for her, because he was sure if that party went through and she still didn't want it...it would be chaotic.

"What's there to talk about? It's like a month away and, as I've said before, I'm not celebrating it," Montserrat made a quick show they should leave and only yelled at Kara that she was leaving.

Yet another clue that she didn't want anyone to know about her birthday.

"I understand - halfway anyways - but have you considered your reasons for that?" Rafael followed down the hallway.

"Considered what? It's my birthday, it's my age, it's my decision. I thought you understood the whole 'it's my choice thing'," she sent him a side-glance that left no doubt of where she stood in regards to her birthday. "It's literally your job."

"I'm not being sarcastic here-"

"-and neither am I!"

The two headed out the street.

"It's hardly a thing to get yelled over," Rafael's snap was involuntarily that time. Here he was trying to help but instead he was going to get his head chewed off.

Montserrat took the memo and moved slightly ahead to turn.l and face him. "Sorry. But why do you keep insisting on this? You're not throwing me a party right?" she laughed at the idea.

"I can swear that I am not," Rafael said with a tight smile. "But what about the others? What if they want to give you presents or...celebrate?"

"They won't because only you, Kara - and I imagine Sonny knows now - and I made it pretty clear that I don't want. You all understood and you're not gonna mention it to the rest of the squad, right?"

Once more with a tight smile, Rafael replied, "I will not."

Montserrat smiled cheerfully. "Okay, then we're good. I don't see why we need to keep talking about this...Unless you want to argue with me? But I honestly think it might be a little early for that."

"I'm good," Rafael said since he had no other options at the moment. _But you won't be in a month._

~0~

Cameron tyler. The same clueless, rich boy the squad had interrogated last night now turned out to be a possible suspect.

"How the hell did we miss this guy?" Nick, for one, was quite offended the young man had pulled one over them so easily.

Olivia was nearly offended as well, but she was more focused on helping Sarah out. "Cameron Tyler puts himself at the club on Friday night, puts himself in a cab with Sarah, puts himself on her block in Brooklyn."

"Admitting what he can't deny," Fin said the obvious since they had substantial evidence of Cameron with Sarah, including one picture of Cameron holding a drunken - nearly passed out - Sara out in the street.

"But he does deny going up to her apartment," Olivia reminded, irked that it was the only thing they couldn't easily prove.

"Maybe Sarah doesn't remember or doesn't want to admit that it was somebody she knew," Montserrat threw the other alternative out there.

"Either way, we have to tread carefully," Olivia pushed herself off the edge of the conference table. "Cameron Tyler is a smart one. That condolence call? He was trying to get in front of it.

"Because he's a pro," Amanda took a guess.

Sonny purposely hung up his desk phone loudly enough to gather the attention of the rest of the squad. "That was east Hampton P.D. They're not big fans of his." he got up from his desk and move towards the conference table while he explained what he had learned about Cameron Kyler. "A year ago, he was accused of sexual assault by a cater waitress, Celine Dubois. She recanted a week later."

"Recanted?" Nick nearly snorted on the spot. He knew exactly what made that waitress suddenly recant. "How much did that cost?"

"Let's find out," Montserrat got up from her chair to get a head start on the research.

~ 0 ~

One didn't need super powers to know that Celine had been bought out by Cameron to keep quiet on her assault. Still, talking to her didn't lead to much new information. In fact, it sort of brought the squad back to the beginning.

The underground party.

Since Sarah didn't want to speak to any of them, the squad went with the next closest honest informative they could get for their case.

Nicole found herself in the interview room, pouring her guilt to Montserrat and Amanda over giving the watch to Sarah.

"I feel terrible that we gave her the watch, but Sarah was Finally ready to have a good time," Nicole brought a hand to her forehead. "If we hadn't done that...she'd still be on the path of recuperating."

"It's not your fault," Montserrat said for about the third time. "You're not the one who hurt Sarah. But listen, did you know Cameron would be there?"

Even though for Nicole it made no sense bringing in Cameron, she still responded. "No. On a fall weekend, he's usually in the Hamptons."

"Mm, but he knew she'd be there," Amanda said, not so subtly.

"Oh, well... well, he knew we were all going out. I mean, maybe Matthew texted him. I could ask him."

"Matthew, your fiance?"

"Yeah, him and Cameron grew up together. They're best friends."

"Okay, and when did you start working for Cameron?" Montserrat asked, taking note of just how close Cameron was with Sarah;s social group.

"He just hired me this summer. He was a real lifesaver," Nicole said just a bit too relieved. It made the two detectives pause for a second.

"How do you mean?" Amanada finally asked.

"Mm, there was this, uh, party at Cameron's house fourth of July weekend, and I got really wasted and missed my Sunday brunch shift. The restaurant fired me, but Cameron said that he would take care of me," Nicole's missed the concerned looks from the detectives while she went on with her story. "I must have, you know, passed out. Tequila. I'm never touching that again. Uh, I think I fell. I don't know."

"Did you have any injuries?" Montserrat felt like she knew where this was going.

"Uh, sore all over. I, um... I even tore my earlobe," Nicole's hand reached up to her ear as the ghost of the memory resurfaced.

"Was Matthew there?" Amanda felt sick knowing exactly what happened at that party.

"No, he was stuck in California on business, but Cameron found me the next morning, and I was a total mess, but he was great," Nicole smiled so cheerfully, so grateful that it really just made Montserrat and Amanda - as well as those watching behind the one-way glass - want to throw Cameron in jail already. "He gave up a summer Sunday to take me to the doctor."

~ 0 ~

"Look, I know I'm a cop but can I just say I really want to kick Cameron's ass with all my might?" Montserrat didn't bother with the looks of Liv. She knew deep down the Sergeant wished the same.

"Where do I join?" Amanda came to stand beside her, the two almost high-fiving each other.

"It's not going to be easy telling Nicole any of this," Nick's words earned himself a double-take from Olivia.

"She doesn't think that she's a victim. If we tell her, we make her one."

"But if we don't, then we'l never catch Cameron," Fin pointed out. "Plus, she works for this guy. What kind of cops would we be if we let her keep working for her rapist?"

"Not good ones," Sonny went ahead and answered. "Now we can use Sarah to get Cameron to confess because other than her, we have nothing for this case."

"You mean wire her?" Montserrat wondered if Nicole would be up for that after they told her the truth.

"Cameron's guard is still up about Sarah. I mean, he thinks he got away with Nicole, so we get her to wear a wire and maybe we catch him in a lie," Sonny's plan wasn't half bad, and it really was the only thing they could do to get Cameron.

With that, the detectives turned to Olivia with the same expression.

"It's your call, Liv," Fin said, leaving it entirely up to Olivia, much to her dismay.

~ 0 ~

Inside their UC van, Montserrat shifted on her seat while she adjusted the volume of her comms. Even if she wasn't looking, she could feel Olivia's burning stare on their hearing equipment. Even though they had told Nicole what happened to her, and Nicole accepting to wear a wire to talk to Cameron, Olivia still felt like they did more harm than good to Nicole. It was guilt that would subside once they saw Cameron behind bars, but it didn't make it easier right now.

"Cameron just pulled up," Amanda informed the others who were parked near Cameron's apartment. They were to quickly go in to arrest Cameron once they had what they needed.

Olivia moved towards their desk to speak with Nicole one last time before things got started. "You ready, Nicole?"

There was a long minute of silence before Nicole answered with a shaky "yes".

Still, Olivia gave indications for the others to be ready in case of anything.

Cameron had come in with his girlfriend but sent her off to speak with Nicole. His casualness began to fade once Nicole touched base on the Fourth of July party he had. It was the first sign of confirmation for Nicole that he was guilty of her rape.

Instead of stopping her, it made her more determined to get the full confession out of him.

"I'm pregnant," the words left her mouth before she could truly think about it. However, it didn't seem like it would be a mistake considering Cameron's face paled in that minute. It got worse for him when flatout told him it was not by her boyfriend-fiancee. "I think something happened to me at your party.. Did you see any guys with me?"

Cameron's desperate attempt at casualness was revolting. "Uh, yeah, some. I mean, by the time I went to my room, you were pretty sloppy, flirty."

Nicole swallowed the urge to slap him right there and then. She crossed her arms in an attempt to help herself. "And then you just found me the next morning, naked on that lounge chair?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you were passed out cold."

"Okay, well, I guess that I'm gonna need the names of all the guys at your party."

Cameron stiffened. "What? Why?"

"Well, for a DNA test, because one of your friends must have had sex with me while I was passed out, so I'm gonna need their names."

"You don't need their names."

"What do you mean?"

"Look, you were really aggressive with me…."

On the other end of the wire, Amanda snorted and looked at the others. "Did he really just say that?"

"C'mon Nicole," Montserrat hoped the young woman had the restraint to let Cameron keep going. "Afterwards, she can smack him and throw a lamp on him."

"Gonna pretend like I didn't hear that," Olivia warned, but everyone knew she agreed.

"We had sex?" Nicole demanded to know from Cameron. "You and me? We had sex, and you didn't tell me?"

Cameron stuffed his hands inside his pockets and shrugged. "I figured you knew. I thought you were cool with it. Besides, I wore a condom, so I really don't see how-"

"Were there any other guys?"

"No, no, no. Everyone left. It was just us. Maybe this happened at a different party."

Nicole knew she was getting him. " Well, we can do a DNA test, because I need a screening anyway."

Cameron almost gaped on the spot. "You're gonna keep it?"

"Well, I really haven't thought about that. I don't know what else to do, 'cause Matthew, he'll leave me."

"Matthew doesn't have to know. I'll take care of this. Of you. Not just for the procedure, but the stress of it. This never happened."

Nicole pushed further, because it was right at the tip of his tongue. "What never happened? I was too drunk to know. I had bruises. My earlobe was torn."

Nicole felt her skin crawl when Cameron grabbed her arm. "Shh. It's okay. I'll take care of all of this. I'll wire money into your account-"

Nicole shook his hand off her. "Do you think that if you pay me, I am not gonna tell people that you took advantage of me?"

Cameron raised an eyebrow, looking almost offended she was accusing him. "Hey. It wasn't like that. You were all over me."

"I was passed out cold!"

"Did Sarah put you up to this?"

"No!"

"Does anybody else know?" Cameron inched forwards, making Nicole step back.

"No. Of course not!"

Cameron just barely grazed her arm when his front door was forced open. "Cameron Tyler! Police!" Finn's voice echoed in the living room as he lead the way inside. "We have a warrant for your house, your phone, your computer - and did we mention you're under arrest?"

Before Cameron knew it, Nick had cuffed his hands to his back. "I want my lawyer right now!"

"A little late for that," Sonny gave the nod for Nick to start dragging Cameron out.

~ 0 ~

Being the bearer of good news felt good - at least that's what Montserrat kept repeating to herself in order to lift her spirits. Whilst they'd interrogated Cameron - until they had concrete evidence of rape - she'd gotten a call from Casey with some plans for the night she wasn't particularly looking forwards to. Sonny mentioned to her she was looking pretty down despite the win they had that day.

"Just personal problems, Carisi," she mumbled and led the way into Rafael's office. Sonny knew that when she went to last names it was for a upsetting.

Together they presented their fine work for their ADA and hoped to get his confirmation that they could call it a done case.

"But Sarah's still not talking?" Rafael managed to point out their one flaw in the case. The two detectives slumped their shoulders. At the sight, and knowing exactly what he'd done, Rafael smirked. "You did well. And we don't need Sarah's cooperation with everything you've got. It's a done case, detectives."

"Hm, so Amanda was wrong? There's actually something that makes you happy, Barba," Sonny was met with a deadpanning look from the ADA.

"You mean besides the coffee?" Casey's sudden input to the conversation made them glance at the doorway. The ginger ADA stood with a proud smirk on her face. "And sometimes not even that."

If Rafael was deadpanning before, he was glaring now. "Let's not go down this road, Casey."

"Oh, calm down," Casey waved a hand at him and walked further inside. "I just came to collect my cousin. You ready?"

Montserrat barely shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, I guess."

It was clear as day that whatever they had going on, Montserrat didn't want any part in it. Still, Casey tried to act as if she didn't notice.

"Gael and Damian are coming to pick us up in five. You said you didn't want to change, but I-"

"I'm good how I am. Let's get it over with," Montserrat walked towards the door, almost pushing Casey in the process of her quick pace.

"You don't need a minute to freshen-"

"NO! Let's go!" Montserrat practically shouted before leaving, not even looking back to see the reactions of the others. She met Kara just outside the building, looking far too cheery for this night.

"Hey, why the face?" Kara asked as soon as she saw Montserrat's glare still lingering on her face. "It's your early birthday dinner-"

"-I _know_ -" Montserrat tried to say but Kara was so clueless that she just went on without noticing Montserrat's clear intent of shooting the dinner down.

Casey had tight lips and that was only out of courtesy and understanding for her cousin, otherwise the lawyer side of her would've taken over. "Okay," she said quietly and looked at the two men with her.

"Should someone go see if she's okay?" Sonny asked while Rafael just stared at Casey. He was examining. "I fear for Kara."

"She'll be okay," Casey said fast. "You're relieved, detective."

Sonny playfully rolled his eyes. "If I get my head chewed off in the morning by her, I'm coming back for you."

"You know where to find me," Casey made a motion for her office.

Sonny bid goodbye to her and Rafael then walked out. He had half a mind to go check on Montserrat but he thought maybe he'd just anger her even more. He'd noticed on the way here how quiet and reserved Montserrat had gotten, and he just couldn't figure out why. Hopefully he'd learn soon.

"Family or friend plans?" Rafael suddenly asked Casey, startling the ginger out of her thoughts. If she'd been more alert, she would've noticed he was still examining her.

"Both," Casey turned to his desk. "Kara and Damián are like family, so…"

Rafael have a nod but he wasn't quite convinced it was just that. "And yet Montserrat doesn't seem too happy about your plans."

"It's just dinner-"

"-don't belittle my intelligence, Casey," Rafael flatout scolded her.

"I'm not lying! It's a birthday dinner!" Casey exclaimed then suddenly realized she didn't have to explain herself to him. Of course by that point it was too late to stop talking. "Gael and Damian are going away on a business seminar and they don't know if they'll be back by next month."

Once again it was the birthday topic had returned.

Rafael pushed himself up from his seat and gave Casey that sideways tilted stare that said he knew there was more. "Montserrat explicitly told me she did not want to celebrate her birthday at all. she doesn't want any mention of it to anyone who doesn't know. So…" he started moving around his desk, very watchful of Casey's subtle shifts on her feet, "... If Gael, Damian and Kara are so intent on making birthday celebrations it's because they don't know that Montserrat doesn't want to celebrate her birthday. She never told them anything. But _you_ know," he leaned against the front of his desk, arms crossed and with a full-fledged smirk on his face. "Or else you wouldn't be giving me that look right now that's basically telling me to shut up. Did I get it...or did I get?"

Casey rolled her eyes. "This whole confident thing you carry with you is kind of annoying sometimes. And when I say 'sometimes', I really mean it's annoying _all_ the time."

"So I'm right," Rafael's response only irritated her even more. "You know-" he pointed at her, "-why Montserrat doesn't want to celebrate her birthday. She told you."

"And she told you nothing so this conversation shouldn't even be happening," Casey warned him to stop before he crossed a boundary.

"But I'm not asking any questions about it, am I?" Rafael pointed out and made no attempt to get even a clue from her. "I know all about boundaries - it's part of my job. So believe me when I tell you that I have no intention of sneaking around trying to figure out what Montserrat is hiding because it's none of my business."

Casey looked him over with newfound curiosity. "If that's not your intention then why are we here? In fact…" she took a few steps towards him, "...why bring this up? If you don't care, which I've seen when it's real, why are we discussing this?"

Oh, now she'd gotten silence. That was rare.

"You're a confident smartass so what the hell are you doing?"

Casey made a very good point, but if Rafael was honest, he wasn't sure of the answer. He didn't know. He just knew that it irked him seeing people try to force something on Montserrat when she made it so clear that she didn't want it. Perhaps it was similar to his job, but it didn't satisfy him.

He just didn't know.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** See, the problem is in having ao3 is that you forget that you only updated this story on one site and not the other. My bad!


	16. Facing the Beast

There were few employees left in the SVU bullpen by 7 pm. It was one of the rare slow days that many employees heard of but only few actually saw. Montserrat was one of those.

She gave a light knock on Olivia's office door and walked in with a few papers in hand. "I'm ready to go but I wanted to drop these off first."

Olivia pulled her glasses off and put them on her desk. She seemed wearier than usual. "Thanks. What were those again?"

Montserrat approached the desk and discreetly saw the papers Olivia had in front of her. Though she meant to be discreet, what she saw left her visibly surprised.

"Those papers…?" Olivia called when she noticed where Montserrat's gaze was.

The detective blinked back to the present and handed Olivia her papers. "Paperwork on the Jenson case. Tedious as was Jenson but it is all done." Montserrat offered a smile that became a bit too teethy.

"Can I help you with something else, Novak?" Olivia raised an eyebrow, her seriousness going over Montserrat's head.

"Please don't call me Novak - you sound like Rafael," Montserrat rolled her eyes. "I'm just curious as to why a sergeant is wasting time going over an old case that's good and closed."

"Because this case is not completely closed," Olivia admitted and since Montserrat looked confused she added, "One of the children I found is still being moved through foster homes."

Montserrat continued to be confused until it donned on her what case Olivia was talking about. "Is it baby boy Doe? The baby you found from that couple who went around 'adopting' unwanted children?" Olivia nodded and leaned back against her chair. "I read about that on the news. The other kids were returned home, weren't they?"

"Yes, but this baby doesn't have parents nor next of kin," Olivia wearily rubbed her forehead. "He's gone through 3 foster homes in the last 5 months. It's like none of these parents want to take care of him."

Montserrat tilted her head at Olivia, clearly questioning where Olivia got this knowledge from. "Who do you have on the inside?"

Olivia playfully rolled her eyes. "I've been going to his hearings in family court. It breaks my heart we can't find the right home for this baby."

Montserrat was quiet for a minute as she thought. "Well...sometimes bad things happen in order for something exceptionally good to happen."

Olivia smiled but only briefly. She reached for her glasses on the desk and started to gently tap them against the wood. "Well I'm waiting for that exceptionally good thing to happen. He has another hearing next week so maybe it'll be then. But what are you doing tonight? Sitting with the boss and talking about cases? Go home, Montserrat."

Montserrat only agreed because she had set up an appointment that she couldn't miss. She bid goodnight to Olivia then walked out of the office. She made it all the way to her desk and looked around to see the few detectives left with her.

"Go home you old men," she said to Sonny and Fin. "Take a leaf out of Amanda's book and go have a drink or something."

"Same can be said for you," Fin quipped within the next second.

"And I'll have you know that I'm actually going out on a date in about…" Sonny's eyes widened in alarm after seeing the time on his watch, "...crap! Now!" both Montserrat and Finn burst into laughter while they watched Sonny scramble to get his things from his desk.

"Kara is going to kill you! And then finally my horror of this dating thing will end!" Montserrat calmly went to gather her things.

Sonny threw her a sharp look for her words. Little did she know that his date was actually a trip to visit the place where Kara had planned her surprise birthday party. _And that's the thanks I get?_ He planned on getting a real date with Kara after this. It was only fair.

"Where you headed, then?" Finn asked Montserrat once Sonny had left (ran).

"Oh you know... Here and there, not really sure yet," Montserrat tried being nonchalant about her plans. "Have a good night."

"You too," Finn called once she got going.

~0~

Each week that Montserrat visited her therapist she felt as if things were getting better for her. And in reality, they were. But, her birthday was nearing. It meant it was almost a year now that her life had changed.

"It's not even the fact that I'm turning 30 - usually that's the bit that upsets you - but...turning 30 is the least of my problems," she spoke quietly but there was a shakiness in her voice Dr. Weslin detected. "In fact I'm pretty sure Kara doesn't get the memo that I don't want anything to do with my birthday."

"Have you told her why?" Dr. Weslin inquired even though she knew the answer.

Montserrat shook her head. "Telling her why means I'd have to tell her what happened. I don't think I can do that."

Dr. Weslin studied Montserrat fidget in her chair. "Montserrat, have you ever considered attending an anonymous abuse meeting?"

The detective seemed startled by the question. She drew some hair behind her ear then gave her therapist a curious look. "Those exist?"

Dr. Weslin briefly smiled. "Yes. It's just like alcoholic anonymous group or a gambler's anonymous group. You are doing phenomenal but...I think the fact that you don't feel comfortable to disclose to anyone else, including your closest friend, might be hindering a part of your recovery. A meeting like this would be completely anonymous. You can share what happened to you without having to face anyone that you know. Does this sound like something you would be interested in?"

Montserrat couldn't answer straight away, mostly because she wasn't sure. The only people who knew about her rape were Casey and her old Queens precinct Captain. She couldn't muster the courage to tell anyone else, not even her own family.

"Montserrat?" Dr. Weslin brought the woman back to the present. "Should I give you locations?"

There was a silence over Montserrat that couldn't be waived.

~0~

The following work week brought the awaited trail Olivia had been waiting for a while now, and when she meant a 'while' she really meant months and months. And though it finally came, she still felt as if there were loose strings that couldn't be tied up now.

When Montserrat arrived at the precinct, she came to see only Sonny around. He was blatantly staring at Olivia's office. Though the office was closed but she could see Rafael talking to Olivia, Amanda, Fin and Nick. "What's going on there?" she dropped her purse on her desk.

Sonny glanced at her with a small smile. "Trial we're not exactly part of."

"Which one?" Montserrat made a face.

Sonny turned his chair to face her. "The Lewis Williams trial. It starts tomorrow."

Montserrat wasn't as caught up with Manhattan's SVU cases before her time. There was hardly a need, and even then she had taken a look at some of the more bigger ones...and perhaps that one may have shown up. "Lewis case…" she repeated quietly while she tried to remember. She drew in a breath when she came up blank. "I'm going to sound so unprofessional but what case is that?"

Sonny barely got to raise an eyebrow when they both heard the office door opening up. Rafael had led the rest of the squad out and when he walked, he made a purpose to head for the two detectives who were out of the loop. "You two, keep your mouths shut. Don't talk to anyone, got it?"

There was a mutual confusion between Montserrat and Sonny.

"...you know, you could just say 'good morning' like a normal person," Montserrat quietly said and looked away before she could meet Rafael's deadpanning look.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he assumed she was being sarcastic - which was too early in his opinion. "Do you understand, Novak?"

Montserrat helplessly glanced at Sonny then at the others coming out of the office. "I wish I did but I don't. I don't know what's going on."

"That makes two," Sonny's agreement helped her out in that she wasn't being rude this time.

In fact, it seemed as if it re-directed some of Rafael's annoyance towards the others. He looked back at the rest of the squad with disbelief. "You haven't caught them up? Are you serious!?"

"It didn't seem pertinent," Olivia was the one to answer, even though it revolved entirely around her.

"What didn't?" asked both Montserrat and Sonny, making Rafael nearly slap his forehead with deeper irritation.

"You two," he dropped his hand only to point at them, "Get yourselves caught up. You're the only detectives allowed to be in the trial from beginning to end. But your strength is also your weakness: your absences in this case make you easy preys for the defense. They _will_ try to weed out any information from you so be on guard."

"With all due respect, councilor, I think Montse and I know what we're doing," Sonny leaned back in his chair. "But it wouldn't hurt to discuss more about this."

On that note, Rafael agreed. He glanced at the rest of the squad with a warning glint in his eyes. "Do it. Better safe than sorry." He took off but briefly stopped next to Montserrat. "And good morning," he greeted her with one of his usual smirks.

A smile came to Montserrat's face when he took off again. It was short lived after seeing the grimness the rest of her co-workers carried with them. "Okay, seriously, someone tell us what's going on?"

~ 0 ~

Montserrat wished she would've never asked.

She seriously meant it.

To learn what her sergeant - and more importantly her _friend_ \- had gone through with the animal that was Lewis Williams was terrifying, and heartbreaking. Montserrat couldn't believe that someone as strong as Olivia Benson had the misfortune of crossing paths with Lewis. It definitely made Montserrat look at Olivia in a new way.

So, on the first day of trial Montserrat presented herself at the courthouse earlier than the others would. She walked through the crowds of people down the hallway until she spotted Olivia sitting alone on a bench. As she got closer, Montserrat could see the distant look on Olivia's face that was really a cover up for all the nervousness she must have been feeling.

"Here," Montserrat offered Olivia the coffee cup in her hand. Olivia was, of course, surprised to see Montserrat there so early. Montserrat just continued to smile and motioned Olivia to take the coffee.

"Thank you," Olivia quietly said before taking the cup. She hadn't been able to eat nor drink anything that morning - she didn't think she could stomach it.

Montserrat still felt at a loss for words. In her experience, nothing anyone could say helped her get through her trauma. "When you were looking at the Baby Boy Doe case the other night...were you thinking about...this?"

Olivia pursed her lips together, letting the warmth of the coffee hit her lips from the inside. She gave a slight nod of her head in the end.

"I did notice you were...a little more distant but I didn't imagine it was because of this," Montserrat sighed. "Liv, I don't even know what to tell you. I'm sure whatever I do say it won't be enough."

Olivia still offered the detective a thankful smile. "Your presence is appreciated. And trust me, I didn't think it was important to burden you nor Carisi about this. You weren't there anyways-"

"-but we're your friends, Liv. And I don't mean that as a 'you should've told us something' because it doesn't entitle us to anything. I just…" Montserrat sighed again and moved to sit next to Olivia. She licked her lips with a new sense of nervousness, as if something she could say would tip Olivia off that she was speaking from a similar experience.

Olivia studied Montserrat, much to the detective's luck, and got the feeling she was holding something back. It reminded Olivia of the early days when they'd hired Montserrat. Every now and then, Montserrat would become cryptic with her words and she would exhibit odd actions and expressions. She hadn't seen it in a while, actually.

Montserrat released a breath and shifted a bit to better face Olivia. "Do you think that if you would've told me or Sonny about this...it would've made you feel any better about this whole thing?"

Olivia tilted her head as she tried to understand what Montserrat wanted to know. "Well, it wasn't much of a secret to begin with. Everyone else saw what I went through...what...happened…"

"I know, I know," Montserrat made a motion for Olivia to stop so she could better explain, "I meant like...everything Lewis did to you, it's traumatic no doubt. Would talking about it to someone, someone besides a therapist, make you feel better about it? Like, if you sat down with one of us and just...let it all out?"

Olivia admitted that she never considered talking about the four days with Lewis with anyone but her therapist. Sure, the squad had been witness to the crime scenes but she'd never actually talked with any of them about what went on during those days. She didn't feel ready for it, and when she'd finally gotten to a better place...she didn't _want_ to tell anyone else. Her therapist was helping her anyways. What was the point in poking holes in her recovery?

Just when Montserrat thought she was about to get an answer, the rest of the squad arrived. She did her best to hide her disappointment, but maybe she didn't do a very good job in those first seconds because Olivia kept giving her strange looks.

"Looking strong, Olivia," Fin offered the Sergeant an encouraging smile.

"You all came," Olivia was truly surprised they'd go to the trouble of coming all together on the day that each would testify at different hours.

"We got your back, Liv," Nick reminded her.

Rafael emerged from the trial room and was thoroughly confused to find the whole group there. "What are you people doing here? You know you can't watch the trial. You're all witnesses."

"We're here for moral support," Amanda assured him they knew the rules.

"And Montse and I are going to be there for all of it," Sonny gestured to himself and the ginger still sitting on the bench. His words of support weren't as good since said woman seemed to be staring to the side.

Her mind had gotten to somewhere else.

"Montse?" Olivia was the one to bring Montserrat back to the present. The sergeant rose from the bench and held a hand out for Montserrat.

Realizing she'd lost reality for a second, Montserrat cleared her throat and got on her feet. "Sorry, yes. Ready?"

Olivia slowly nodded and glanced at the others to reiterate she was alright.

"Counselor, don't mess this one up," Fin told Rafael, as if the latter was thinking of it.

"I was gonna tell you the same thing," he quipped then shot the rest of the squad a sharper look. "Remember why we're here." His look lingered on Montserrat for her obvious unresponsive self.

Least she wasn't a witness this time.

~ 0 ~

As far as Montserrat could see, Lewis William was a manipulative, calculating man. He had a terrible scar that curved the left side of his face - a scar that Olivia had allegedly left on him. When Lewis would walk - because oh yes, as a last way to taunt Olivia he had decided to defend himself - he would purposely make a bigger limp than what it really was. He didn't fail to mention the fact the NYPD Had a vendetta against him while he interrogated Finn and Amanda.

By the time Lewis got to cross-examine Nick, both Montserrat and Sonny had learned that he was a conniving man hellbent on making it look like the NYPD was framing him and covering up that Olivia was the one to initiate a relationship with him.

"So, it's impossible to know conclusive who actually shot that officer, isn't it?" Lewis knew very well he had murdered an officer but the jury didn't, and as far as he was concerned they would believe Olivia could've had a hand in it.

Nick was barely holding himself to just glare at the man. "Oh, there's no way she did it. She was duct taped, lying on the car floor."

"Again, that's what she told you?"

"Yes,"

There was a moment of silence that passed by before Lewis would ask another question. "Do you remember the first time that you and detective Benson interrogated me? How would you characterize her demeanor? was she physically close? Flirtatious? Did she seem aroused when I spoke to her?"

Nick despised Lewis even more at that moment, because no matter how he would answer it would make Olivia look bad. "She may have acted provocatively, but that was for your benefit. During an interrogation, you role-play."

"Is rape considered a sexual act amongst SVU detectives?"

"No, it's not about sex. It's about power, control, humiliation…"

"So why, in your opinion, when your partner was questioning me about rape, did she sexualize the interrogation?"

"It's a technique to find a way to connect to the suspect," Nick answered almost through gritted teeth.

"Well, I would say it worked," Lewis turned in time to see Rafael practically slam his pen on the desk in anger. With a smirk, Lewis said, "Withdrawn."

As soon as the trial was finished, Montserrat was the first to get up to go. She felt revulsion for that man, sick to her stomach, so she knew how Olivia was feeling at the moment.

"You should go home," Montserrat advised Olivia once they were in the hallway. For the case's benefit, the rest of the squad except for her and Sonny had departed the moment they were finished testifying. "Try to do something to get your mind off this for a bit."

"Not gonna tell me to get some rest?" Olivia asked since that was what everyone always told her in the early days after the kidnapping..

"No, that never works in the beginning," Montserrat said far too quickly and too matter-of-factly. Olivia once again felt there was something this detective was keeping back. It felt as if Montserrat knew what she was talking about.

"That was awful," Sonny was telling Rafael as the two walked out of the trial room.

"But fixable," Rafael said with utter confidence. He expected such manipulations from Lewis but he was confident that he would outsmart this man no matter what. "Liv, you should go get some rest-"

"-don't tell her get rest, it won't work," Montserrat all but practically snapped at him. She looked mighty distressed for someone who'd only sat in on the trial.

Olivia placed a hand on Montserrat's arm and nodded at Rafael. "I will try, but...you know it'll be difficult to sleep for the next couple of weeks."

"Just try," Rafael persisted. "And Novak, maybe you should consider it too since you're all riled up."

Montserrat momentarily glared until she realized he was right. It wasn't her place and it certainly wasn't her right to be upset. Olivia was the one who needed all the support right now. She was the one who would have to face her attacker soon, the one who would have to talk to him...look at him…

The moment her face went pale was instantaneous. Now she truly looked sick. "I'll see you. Take it easy Olivia," she said in a quick blue before turning to leave.

There was mutual confusion as well as concern between the remaining three.

~ 0 ~

The last thing Casey Novak was expecting that night was for her cousin to knock on her apartment door.

"I need you," Montserrat uttered the three words nearly in tears.

Casey might not have had the context she needed to figure out what led Montserrat to her door, but she was pretty sure what it was ABOUT about. She brought her cousin inside and took her to the living room where Montserrat opened the floodgates of her problem for the day.

"And I know it's not my case, it's not _my_ trial, but it's making me remember what I went through last year," Montserrat spoke rather fast but Casey was used to the speedy relaying of information.

The two cousins sat on the couch, Montserrat draped under a blanket Casey brought for her. It was their comfort blanket each had held in their worst moments.

"It's Olivia's case and I should be a better friend who puts aside their trauma to help them," Montserrat drew in a shaky breath. "But I can't. It's literally against me. It's been almost a year, why is it still affecting me like this?"

"Well-" Casey tried to answer but Montserrat wasn't finished rambling.

"I've done everything right. I've moved cities, I've found new friends, a new job. I got a therapist and I've gone to each of my sessions. I've tried being happy and making better, new memories so why is this happening?" by the time Montserrat finished her question, new tears had spilled down her face.

"It's a long, long process Montserrat," Casey spoke in a gentle tone. "I've seen victims take years to fully recover, but even then there's always going to be a wound."

"So I'm just going to relapse every few years?"

"What you're feeling doesn't mean that you're undoing all of your progress," Casey first said to make sure Montserrat understood she wasn't doing anything wrong. "You were violated and that is a traumatic event that will, on occasion, cause these moments of pain. It's normal. You're human, Montse."

Montserrat sniffled. "I'm a detective, I can't afford these moments."

"As a lawyer, I advise you not to bottle it up. It's good that you're talking it out with someone," Casey offered a kind smile for her cousin.

Montserrat thought back to her therapist's suggestion and even when she'd asked Olivia her thoughts about talking with people. "But I'm supposed to be supporting Olivia right now."

Casey understood what Montserrat meant, and even though she loved Olivia she had to think about her family first. "Maybe you can support her outside of the trial room." The suggestion didn't seem to sit well with Montserrat. "It's obvious that this Lewis case is bringing up memories and feelings. If Olivia knew about this, she would understand. But even without the knowledge of your rape, she won't be upset if you don't show up to the trial."

Montserrat brought a hand to her forehead. "I'm supposed to be her moral support. Now I'm becoming the one who needs the support?"

"There is nothing to be ashamed of, Montserrat," Casey said in a sharp, almost warning, tone. "You need your time too. And let me put it in a way that might get me to understand: if you're not at your best, then can you really support Olivia?"

Well, that she understood.

~0~

While the trial continued, Montserrat listened to Casey's advice and stayed away from the trial for a few days. She decided there was perhaps another way she could support Olivia.

She rarely visited Family court and it was honestly not a place you wanted to be at so much. It just brought back too many memories, too many decisions that she would rather forget. but this was a better way to support Olivia without harming herself in the process.

She took a seat in one of the empty benches and listened to the hearing of Baby Boy Doe.

A social worker was giving her rendition of a finished investigation concerning Baby Boy Doe, and it seemed like things could be getting better for this baby. "Your Honor, ACS have thoroughly conducted an examination of a new Foster home for baby boy doe. It is our belief that baby boy doe would be well cared for by these Foster parents."

The judge herself seemed rather relieved this was the case. She looked over her copy of the paperwork the social worker was reading from and gave a conclusive nod. "Let's hope so, Miss Carlisle. This would be Baby Boy Doe's fourth home in the past 5 months. I grant the motion to place Baby Boy Doe in the care of the Walkers." The judge slammed her mallet over her desk and adjourned the court.

Montserrat rose from her seat and moved towards the social worker before the latter could leave. "Excuse me, I'm detective Novak," she flashed her badge then put it away, "My sergeant, Olivia Benson, sent me in her place today to see how the case was going."

the mention of Olivia's name seemed to ease the social worker. Clearly, they knew each other. "Sergeant Benson, yes we've talked. Is she okay?"

"Um…" Montserrat was surprised that the social worker didn't know about the ongoing trial, but she wasn't going to tell her either. "She just couldn't make it. She's very attached to this baby."

Miss Carlisle agreed with a nod while she finished packing her things. "Yes. She's the one who found him."

"I heard. So is this new home really the best one for this baby? I just heard from Olivia that he's been moved quite a lot for the few months he's been in ACS custody."

"Yes," Miss Carlisle side. She moved around once in awhile and started walking towards the accident the room. "we've had to move him for safety reasons. There was one home that was already housing more foster kids than we realized. Then there was another one that wasn't as safe as we thought. The third one actually gave him a fungal disease so we need to immediately get him out of there."

"Poor baby," Montserrat said. She followed Miss Carlisle into the hallway. "Listen, I don't know if usually do this...but because Olivia wasn't here I was wondering if you could give me the new address of this baby."

Miss Carlisle offered a nervous smile. "I'm not sure that's really in protocols."

"Well, it's just as you said...my sergeant was the one who found this baby so she's pretty attached to him. I'm sure it would make her really happy if she could just visit the baby. Unless if you think the Foster family wouldn't like that…"

"No, no, I don't think they would mind. It's just not really seen as much…"

"My sergeant isn't like the others," Montserrat subtly insisted.

Miss Carlisle looked around the hallway that was pretty empty save for them. "Well...I suppose it wouldn't hurt anyone. Would you have time to come by my office?"

"Of course," Montserrat smiled and gestured for her to lead the way out.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This was always going to be a difficult episode to write but I felt like it was a crucial point in Olivia's life not to write out, plus this episode starts off another arc with Olivia and Montserrat as well ;)


	17. Shadows of the Past

Olivia wondered what was worse: having Lewis cross-examine her right now or dread the moment he would? Unfortunately, she was dealing with the latter. Lewis was forcing her to wallow in her fear for his questioning for a few more days.

"You'll be prepared," Rafael's assurance did little for Olivia. She was tired. So, so tired. "We've gone over this enough times."

Olivia wanted to be as sure as he was, but he wasn't going to be the one answering Lewis' questions. He wasn't the one who would be lying on the stand. In her thinking, Olivia didn't notice the rest of the squad approaching them in the hallway.

"Liv, you want us to drive you home?" Fin offered twice before Olivia came back to the present. They were all looking at her in concern.

"Uh...I can get there on my own," she answered quietly but distractedly. Later on, she wouldn't be able to remember if she said goodbye to her friends before leaving.

"Lewis not wanting to cross-examine her right now is a tactic isn't it?" Sonny asked Rafael once Olivia was out of hearing distance.

Rafael gave a tilt of his head. "Could be. And it would be a very smart one too. make her think about all the questions is going to ask her, make her more nervous in the span of these days and then once he has her up on the stand…" he didn't finish.

"That's not going to happen," Amanda said with certainty. "Olivia is stronger and she's a hell of a lot smarter than that guy. As are you councilor, don't let him take her down."

Rafael nodded and let them go all except for one. "Carisi," his call was sudden and quiet that the detective in question hesitated to stop and glance back. "Yes come here," Rafael said once he sensed Sonny's thoughts.

Sonny let the others continue on their way and turned back for Rafael. "What do you need, councilor? Something for the case?"

"Yes - well no, well…" Rafael bobbed his head, the uncertainty in him was a novel sight for Sonny. He was struggling to say something, that much Sonny could tell. "You're, um...you have a...relationship with...Montserrat's roommate? Right?"

It took a moment for Sonny to process the question, but when he did he noticed the uncomfortableness in Rafael. Apart from novelty, it was almost amusing. "Well, we're getting there. Sort of. It's a process-"

Rafael raised a hand to cut him off. "-yeah, okay, it's a yes or no question, Carisi."

"Then I guess yes...why?"

"So you have to know more about Novak's lack of presence here, right?"

"You would think that, huh?" Sonny all but snorted. "Not even Kara knows why. She says that Montserrat called her and said she would be staying with Casey instead. And Montse called in sick for these last couple of days. I didn't really think she was sick the last time I saw her."

"Yeah," Rafael agreed, his mind was already turning wheels as he thought back to the last day he saw Montserrat. The last time he saw her she had left and in such a hasty manner. She looked really pale to as if she really was sick but that wouldn't make sense considering she had been fine the entire day. "Doesn't make a lot of sense. A lot of things don't make sense about Novak."

A brief silence passed while he thought some more, leaving Sonny to make his own conclusions about this entire conversation.

"Find out what's going on," Rafael made the order sound so calmly and...friendly.

"What?" Sonny blinked while Rafael took off. "Wait - councilor, what for? She's not testifying anyways-"

"-I want to know what's going on. She was meant to be here for Olivia and then suddenly she disappears? I don't accept that." Behind Rafael, Sonny made a face at his words. "Reminds me too much of the first time she disappeared after going into labor." He stopped at the elevator and pressed the button.

"You afraid she'll disappear again?" Sonny's subtle tease was met with a straight face.

"That is not what I said," Rafael snapped, almost warning Sonny not to even go down that road. "I want to know what's going on but I have my hands kind of full at the moment. Simple as that. Will you do it or will I have to do it myself?"

Sonny knew exactly what Rafael was doing and it was frankly amusing. Either way, Rafael planned on reaching out to Montserrat. The question was would he have to go around the long way, or would he, Sonny, help him out with a short cut?

~0~

"I'm sorry, but I haven't seen Montserrat this week. I'm almost as worried as you are," Kara admitted to Sonny in her living room.

As promised, Sonny was following up with Kara but apparently there wasn't much to follow. Montserrat had been staying with Casey this week, only coming back for new clothes. And when she did come back, Kara was at work.

"So she hasn't talked to you at all?" Sonny took the seat next to her.

"Well…" Kara bobbed her head, "She called to tell me that she was staying with Casey and then she called again a couple days ago to tell me she was fine and that she was just going to stay with Casey a couple more days. But... I don't know…" She sighed and brought a hand to the side of her head while she thought. "It sounded like - like if she was upset. You know the way your voice kind of cracks when you want to cry or you _are_ crying? That's what it kind of sounded like the last time she talked to me."

Someone interrupts their conversation with a knock on the door. Kara told Sonny that she wasn't expecting anyone else but that it could be monsterrat. she got up to go answer the door and, to her surprise, she found Olivia standing on the other side.

"Liv?" Sonny blinked in surprise. "What are you doing here? Barba told you to take it easy."

"And when do I ever listen?" Olivia still had some of her humor despite the awful week she was having.

Kara, who was still surprised, cleared her throat and stepped to the side to let Olivia in. "I wasn't expecting you…"

Olivia smiled. "Yes, I but you weren't. I just stopped by to see if once a lot to lose here? I haven't seen her all week and I heard she called in sick."

"Umm...well, you're going to have to get in line cos apparently a lot of us are looking for Montserrat right now," Kara closed the door.

Olivia crossed glanced with Sonny, clearly confused and now worried as well. "Montserrat isn't here?"

"No, she's been staying with Casey this whole week," Kara sighed and walked towards the sofa again. "I was just telling funny that I was kind of worried the last time that she called me. It sounds like she been crying."

"Do you have any idea why?" asked Olivia.

"No," Kara plopped on the couch with a deep sigh. "I love Montse, I really do, but she is not the same person that she used to be," Kara hated to admit, especially when she couldn't tell Montserrat face to face. "This whole year she's just been... Different. If you had met her last year you would have seen her in a completely different way. She always smiled, she laughed a lot more. She used to love her job at Homicide. And she was always hanging around her co-workers there. Sometimes I got a little jealous because it looked like she wanted to spend more time with them than with me," Kara smiled at the memories. "And then, all of a sudden...she just kind of changed. It's like she cut all ties with Queens."

"Well…" Olivia move to sit on the other couch, "...Montserrat had been eyeing the vacancy in SVU since last year. If she did change I don't think it was after taking the job here."

"Yeah, I know that she was looking into SVU but...it was just kind of out of curiosity. I never thought she would actually transfer."

"She put in her papers, Kara," Olivia said gently. "She was pretty serious before retracting."

"Tell me about it," Kara rolled her eyes. "That whole surrogacy pregnancy thing came out of nowhere. One moment she's just doing her job and then the next day she tells me that she's pregnant? I think that's really when it all started. When she changed. After that pregnancy, I don't think Montserrat has ever talked about going back to Queens. She doesn't even talk about her friends anymore there. I wish I knew what was going on."

Olivia seemed pensive when she glanced at Sonny. She was thinking but there wasn't a lot she could come up with...in that moment.

~0~

Despite the turbulent week she had, Montserrat was in a much better mood than the last time dr. Weslin had seen her.

"I took my cousin's advice to stay away from the trial for at least a couple days and I have to say that it's done me some good," Montserrat admitted without trouble. "I'm... distracted. And I've even been productive."

"How do you mean?" Dr. Weslin inquired.

"My Sergeant is pretty attached to this baby that she found during a case so she's been going to his family court hearings. He's had trouble finding a good foster family. Turns out she had a hearing this week and I went to it since Olivia couldn't. And... they found him a new home and I have the address so that Olivia can visit him after the trial is all done."

"That's a nice thing you did," Dr. Weslin noted. "But I do have to ask if you did this out of guilt because you didn't attend her trial."

Montserrat expected the question and she wasn't at all offended. It was a reasonable question. "NO. I did it to show my support in a different way. Olivia is not only my sergeant, but she's also my friend. And my friend happened to have missed this hearing, so I went in instead."

Dr. Weslin liked what she heard. "Do you intend on returning to that trial?"

Montserrat lowered her head in thought. "I haven't decided. It ends this week and from what the news says, it'll be Olivia's turn to be cross-examined by Lewis. That's going to be hard…"

And a big part of her wanted to be there that day, because if she didn't have the courage to face her attacker...She could be there for someone who did have that courage.

"Montserrat? Have you thought about that?" Dr. Weslin asked again.

Montserrat shrugged her shoulders and admitted that she hadn't. "I was so caught up with this baby boy Doe case that I didn't really think about anything else. But I'm definitely going to think about it."

And she was.

~0~

With what Sonny had gotten from Kara, he went to Rafael. It just took the ADA five minutes to realize Sonny had virtually nothing.

"Are you sure you're a detective?" he asked just to make a point.

Sonny rolled his eyes and leaned back on his chair. "I did what I could. And to be honest, I don't know why you had me do it in the first place. Do you need Montse for the trial?"

"No-"

"-then why are we doing this?"

"Because I want to know, that's why," Rafael was plain and simple with his intentions, as odd as they sounded. It irked him that Montserrat would just disappear like that.

"Sure that's it?" Sonny couldn't help that smirk on his face.

"Watch yourself, detective," Rafael warned and pointed his finger towards his office door. "You're free to go."

"Fine," Sonny raised his hands in defence. "You're welcome, by the way. See you tomorrow for court."

"Mm," Rafael was distracted with something else, and Sonny had a good idea of what it was - _who_ it was. He was bothered, yes he was bothered, and he had to do something about it. _Get ahold of yourself,_ he thought.

He tried that.

His fingers tapped against his desk. The work on said desk still remained untouched, not even looked at. Five minutes later, Rafael gave up.

"No." He made the decision to get up and leave the office. He walked out into the hallway and made a straight way towards an office. Much like the detectives he worked with, he barged into Casey's office without so much of a knock. "Where the hell is your cousin?"

Casey lowered the papers she'd been looking at and processed what just happened. "Um...good afternoon…?"

Rafael made a gesture for her to stop. "I need to see Montserrat. Where is she?"

Casey raised an eyebrow at him but, unlike Sonny who'd taken a lighter mood with it, she was more serious. "She's...having lunch, I assume. Probably having dessert first, if I know her any good. Why do you need to see her?"

"I just do!" Rafael answered rather fast. "I'm...there's some things I needed from her for another case…" he was spewing out this God awful lie and he still didn't know what the urgency of this was for. "Where can I find her right now?"

"Working through lunch again? Must be really important, then," Casey reached for her phone in one of her drawers. "She did call in sick, you know."

"It won't be long," he promised.

Casey went over the last text her cousin sent her earlier. "Oh, right, she's at her favorite place having dessert first no doubt."

As soon as she gave him the place, Rafael was gone from her office.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat rocked on her feet while she gazed at the menu above her. To her luck, there was no line which gave her free reign on her decision making process.

"We got new almond fudge brownies," the teenage boy behind the counter offered.

Montserrat briefly looked at him and smiled. She knew the boy well now and he knew her enough to know she loved anything chocolate. "Give me that, Justin," she nodded. "But I'm having an extra sweet tooth today so let me see what else."

"Is the chocolate mousse making it into the cut?"

"Why the hell not? I'm thinking…" Montserrat moved her attention to the display of sweets under the counter, "...it's a cookie day too."

"How do you not throw up?" Justin wondered out loud, much to her offence.

She set her hands on hips and gave him what Justin would call a 'mom look'. "How about you take my lunch order without criticism?"

" _That's_ your lunch?" Rafael's sudden input startled Montserrat out of her 'mom look'. "Are you serious?"

"How'd you find me?" she blinked.

"Your cousin. And I didn't know one would need to go hunting to find you."

"Well...I didn't know I was needed," Montserrat crossed her arms, suddenly shifting on her feet.

"You are," Rafael said so bluntly it startled him. He hated to admit that the moment he saw her he was finally able to calm down a bit. She looked fine, but the fact she'd gone to such measures not to be found was troublesome for him.

Montserrat didn't know how to respond right away. She thought she would have a little more time before seeing any of her friends. "Uuh, Justin just get me what I ordered."

"That cannot be your lunch," Rafael insisted but she scoffed in return.

"Haven't you heard breakfast for dinner? It's kind of like that, but better," she shrugged. "But I doubt you came all the way here to criticize my lunch. What do you need?"

"For you to quit hiding," he was straight forwards in what fit. Her reaction was wide, blinking eyes but that didn't stop him from continuing. "You have us worried over you when there's an important trial going on."

"I didn't know my absence would be such an impact on a case I'm not involved in," she said quietly and turned for an empty table if only to avoid his hard gaze.

"Oh stop with the sarcasm and be honest," he followed her to the table. "Olivia is going to testify tomorrow and she's looking for you too."

"She is?" Montserrat practically fell on her chair when she felt the guilt creeping over her. "I didn't...I didn't think it would matter if I…" She trailed off and looked to the side.

Rafael watched her for the minute she stayed silent. It was so odd the way she went into these moments - because he knew for a fact these moments were not often but every once in a while. And just like before, it irked him that he couldn't figure out what it was. What had her so reclusive sometimes? So secretive? So...distant?

"Montserrat?" his call was enough to turn her head.

"Sorry," she apologized and nervously bit her lip. "About Olivia, I'll be there tomorrow. I promise."

"Yes, but will you be okay to do so?" his question came as a surprise since he would hardly ask anyone that.

"Of course," she put on a smile for him.

"Montserrat, sometimes I feel as if you're in another world. I assume this world is not a happy one because every time you leave for a few minutes...you get this...look in your eyes," Rafael leaned forwards on the table, specifically looking her in the eyes just to confirm his words. "If I didn't know any better, you'd resemble the clients I see."

" _Stop_ ," her order came in a low voice but a hard one nonetheless. "You're trespassing into a place you don't belong."

Her change in demeanor and voice was dark enough to make a point. Rafael pulled back and upheld her look. "Alright. Sorry."

Montserrat pushed some hair behind her ear and tried to ease up, but it was as if the moment someone treaded close to her secret...she went into defense mode. "It's fine. I'll be there tomorrow, I promise. I've taken enough sick days, I believe. I appreciate you coming to find me. You shouldn't have gone to the trouble."

"I think I had to," but even when Rafael said this he was pretty sure things were worse now.

"Montse?" Justin called from the counter with a white bag in the air.

"Gotta go," Montserrat stood up from the table.

"Montserrat," Rafael stood up with her fast.

"I'm fine," she assured with a more genuine smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"I...okay," Rafael decided to stop insisting before she completely shut down on him again. He didn't want to see her farther away from him - er, the group. He didn't want to see her farther from them.

~ 0 ~

"Seriously?" Montserrat was too tired to argue with anyone else that day. Casey got a free pass that dinner. "You told Rafael where to find me?" she plopped down at the table where their Chinese take out food was spread out.

Casey shrugged and reached for the soy sauce. "Thought it might help you to snap out of your gunk."

"It's not gunk and you know it," Montserrat grimly said.

"I do," Casey clarified. "But I also know that you want to get out of it so I did my bit to help. Plus," she smiled for a moment, "Rafael seemed worried about you."

Montserrat didn't even dignify Casey's smirk with a look. She took the soy sauce bottle from Casey's side and poured some over her rice. "You screwed me over, Casey," - she went on as if Casey had never said anything - "Now I have to show up at court tomorrow."

Casey's smirk wasn't completely gone, just the necessary to speak. "Why? Is he threatening you?"

"No. He got to my conscience," Montserrat said with a frown. "I know Liv is facing off Lewis tomorrow and I can't miss that. I told her I'd be there and I want to be there."

"Okay, so I did do good," Casey nodded proudly to herself.

"No!" Montserrat quickly pointed at her. "No you did not!" Casey's laughter only irritated Montserrat more since the former kept ignoring her. "Casey, just stop!"

~0~

Olivia was front and center the morning of her cross examining. She hated it and she wanted to be in another country, but that would mean Lewis would go free and she was _not_ going to let that happen.

"You're going to do fine," Rafael was persisting with that idea, hoping to ease some of her nerves. Truth be told if Lewis got his way, he'd be able to show Olivia lied to the grand jury.

"I'm hoping too," Olivia stared at the court doors that were waiting for her to cross through. She knew the rest of the squad were already waiting inside. They weren't going to leave her alone and she knew it. "Because if I mess up-"

"-you won't," Montserrat's voice startled Olivia but she was overall happy to see the detective back. Montserrat approached them with a usual smile of hers, as if she wasn't carrying her own demons at the moment. "Because you are incredibly intelligent and Lewis is a...well, I'd rather not use that type of vocabulary here."

"When has that ever stopped you?" Rafael asked, rather straight-faced too. He'd been on the receiving end of some of that vocabulary on occasion. Montserrat smirked, knowing exactly well what she'd done before.

"Are you okay, though?" Olivia thought to ask since Montserrat had basically disappeared for a while.

Montserrat shook her head and set a hand on Olivia's arm. "This is about you. Don't worry about anything else. Plus, I'm fine, so…" her shrug wasn't very well believed but Olivia's time ran short when the court officers opened the door.

Olivia drew in a small breath before turning to the doors. It was now or never, basically.

"She's got this...right?" Montserrat quietly asked Rafael before they had to go inside as well.

"Yes," he answered without a doubt, as much as he could portray. He side-glanced her for a second to see if he could decide whether or not she was actually better than yesterday.

"I showed up out of my own accord," she suddenly said and met his gaze, assuming he was thinking he'd won their little disagreement yesterday. "Course I thought that if I didn't show up today you might come and argue with me again." Her small slip of a smirk was enough for Rafael to decide she was better, and since that was all he was going to get he gladly took it. He wouldn't risk upsetting her again.

"As long as you know," he said instead, following her game.

Montserrat smiled wider and moved for her seat. She found Amanda already sitting at a bench so she took the seat next to the blonde.

Once court began, it _began_. Lewis took the reigns as soon as he could and commanded Olivia to take her place at the witness' stand.

"We've heard a lot of testimony in this case. But only two people know what happened over those four days," Lewis made good on his innocent track as he gazed at the jury. "I know exactly what happened, and that's what I told the jury." His attention then flickered to Olivia. "I can see how that's the story you'd want the jury to believe. The truth is embarrassing. That you, an experienced but lonely SVU detective, consumed by her work, became sexually obsessed with a man you believed to be a rapist."

There was a lot Olivia wanted to do at that moment, screaming would be one of them, but she contained it all to just say, "That's a lie."

"Is it? Can you tell me, are you married? Do you have children?"

"Objection," called Rafael. "Relevance?"

"It speaks to her issues with intimacy and sexuality, your honor," Lewis was quick to explain, not that it mattered for Olivia since she knew his game already.

"Tread carefully, Mr. Lewis," warned the judge. "May I remind you, she's _your_ witness."

When she had to, Olivia finally answered, "I'm not married. I do not have children."

"What about a family? When we spent time together, you said you didn't wanna talk about your father. Why was that?"

Montserrat couldn't believe Lewis was actually going with the "we spent time together" as if he hadn't threatened Olivia all the way. As Lewis went on, Montserrat was almost scared to admit she was getting just as furious as Olivia was. She also didn't want to admit that perhaps her own flashbacks were getting in the way.

"So your life is your work, isn't it? Over time, your world view has narrowed to victims and rapists."

"I wouldn't say that," Olivia shifted in her seat.

"No? Well, the jury has heard your captain testify that he was worried about you after your second case against me was dropped," Lewis threw a look at the jury. "Isn't that right?"

"My whole squad was upset-"

"-yeah, but you were the only one who he ordered to go home, take some time off, weren't you?" Olivia had only just opened her mouth to respond when Lewis leaned forwards - an action that actually made Olivia recoil from the counter - and put a hand behind his ear. "I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Can... can you speak up?"

"Yes, I was!" Olivia snapped.

"Thank you. So, social isolation, long-term immersion in sexual assaults, and a recent public loss of face. All of that preceded our four days together. Is that right?"

"You broke into my apartment, tied me up, and held a gun to my head."

"We know that's your story, but none of your fellow detectives could find or even fake any signs of forced entry, could they?" Lewis was proud to say that one out loud.

And that's where Montserrat started remembering more. His smugness...oh, that disgusting smugness.

"I don't know how you got in...but you did!" Olivia repeated.

"I teleported myself, maybe!" Lewis exclaimed "Or maybe you invited me in-"

Olivia gritted her teeth together as she glared at him. "You were the last person that I wanted to see that night."

"That night, when I "broke in," were you armed when you came home?"

"Yes."

"So why didn't you just pull your gun on me?"

"I froze!"

"An experienced detective didn't hear me come in, didn't see any signs of forced entry," Lewis' condescension was unbearable and yet the jury seemed to be buying it. "She froze. So you're telling me that you didn't invite me in, but clearly, you react differently to me than you do to hundreds of other men that you've-"

"-don't," Olivia warned.

"No? What about your partner? Your partner testified the first time that you interrogated me, you were flirting with me. You were trying to arouse me-"

"I was playing a role," Olivia snapped again.

"Were you? The first night we spent together, you said that I tied you up, that I was forcing alcohol down your throat and you didn't resist? Was that part of your role-playing?"

Montserrat hadn't realized she'd been shifting in her seat too much until Amanda's hand touched her arm. "You good?" the blonde detective whispered. She was noticing Montserrat's unusual paleness alongside the jittering.

"I-I think…" Montserrat couldn't be honest with Amanda. What the hell was wrong with her!? She was supposed to be there for Olivia's sake but her body and mind were betraying her. Each time Lewis delved deeper into the case, showed more of his manipulative self, Montserrat saw _him_. And when Olivia had her turn, Montserrat saw herself. The victim trying to prove that she was okay.

 _You need to stop_ , she berated herself.

But Lewis kept going. He turned a potential rape into some type of fantasy Olivia initiated. It was vile. _He_ was vile.

And Olivia was innocent, frustrated...to the point of crying out of anger that the most terrible event in her life was being turned into something that never happened.

At some point, Montserrat crossed gazes with Olivia. In two seconds Montserrat knew where Olivia was and it was the breaking point. She knew it all too well... because that's what Olivia was seeing in Montserrat right now. As Lewis was shouting in her face about being a liar, Olivia zoned in on Montserrat's face. The expression on Montserrat's face...the shiny eyes...the pursed lips...the cross of anger and pain…

Olivia's eyebrows raised together once she realized. And when she realized, Montserrat knew.

 _She knows_. Montserrat's body jerked up from the bench. She attracted some attention, including Lewis', Rafael's, and the jury. Montserrat made the fastest turn in her life and sprinted towards the doors. She couldn't wait to see the corridors.

Montserrat made the rush for the nearest restroom where she could let go for a bit in order to make it home looking decent. She planted her palms on the marble sink and let some tears out. She didn't realize how her body trembled, and much less how much time she was spending in there. But when she heard the restroom door open up, she knew court had adjourned and that she'd royally messed up.

Quiet heels walked into the restroom, soon making Montserrat see it was the sergeant herself. Montserrat was too tired to deny, even to try and hide it. She raised her head up to see her messy reflection then to see Olivia's coming near her.

To be polite, Montserrat would leave it as: Olivia looked like a mess as well. She'd gone through hell. But instead of talking about it, Olivia put a hand on Montserrat's arm and quietly asked, "When?"

Because that's who Olivia Benson was. She could go through hell and still have desire to care for others.

Montserrat shut her eyes for a moment when she felt new tears threatening to come down. "...last year." She found a voice to use, a frail one but an audible one. "On the job.'

Olivia nodded. For the time being, there was a silent agreement that this was enough.

But it wasn't over.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

I actually liked writing this chapter for so many obvious reasons ;)

And thanks to the reviewer for the lovely comment! Hope you liked the new chapter!


	18. Secrets Behind

"Soo...someone found out," Montserrat cut straight to the point once her therapy session started.

Dr. Weslin was surprised at first until she realized Montserrat hadn't chosen to disclose. "What happened?"

"I tried being supportive but it backfired on account of my weakness and my incredibly intelligent sergeant," Montserrat drew in a deep breath which she exhaled in the very next second. "I mean, really, did I think I would be able to hide it from Olivia Benson? A cop who's worked for more than 10 years as a Special Victims detective? Ha!"

Montserrat leaned against the leather couch and looked to the side. Her mind raced with the memory of Olivia's confrontation. It wasn't so much a confrontation than it was a questionnaire. As it was Olivia's nature, she wanted to find out what happened and how to make things good.

* * *

" _When did it happen?"_

" _Last year. I was on the job, undercover, and he caught me off guard," Montserrat couldn't find it in her to face Olivia. Her eyes kept darting to the side each time she attempted to meet Olivia's gaze._

" _Did you tell anyone?" Even without looking at her, Montserrat knew Olivia wasn't staring in a pitiful manner, she was trying to **help** as was her nature. _

_Montserrat shifted on her couch. "Only a few. Just...just the necessary people. My Lieutenant, my doctor's...and Casey."_

 _The last bit made Olivia pause for a second. "Casey? And she didn't encourage you to come forwards?"_

" _I told her no," Montserrat clarified before Olivia got any ideas. "I talked with my Lieutenant and...we both agreed that the undercover mission was too important to ruin."_

" _Ruin?" repeated Olivia with wide-eyes. "Is this the same Detective Novak I'm talking to? Did you both agree to that or did your lieutenant make you agree?"_

 _Montserrat bit her lower lip as if it were chewing gum. "My Lieutenant reminded me it had been a 3 year operation. My accusation would abruptly end it and we wouldn't have caught Hallie D'Amico."_

 _The name was a well known one considering D'Amico was famous for her drug empire._

" _Did he at least come down with a drug charge?" Olivia asked, hoping there was at least some retribution for what that man did._

 _But Montserrat shook her head. "Most of the operation was based on Hallie, and a lot of her men went down with her...but he didn't. I don't know how he did it, but he escaped. We don't know where he is now. He hasn't resurfaced since last year."_

" _Montserrat…"_

" _Please don't," Montserrat shook her head, gaze falling again. "I don't want to keep talking."_

* * *

It was at that moment that Montserrat realized she wasn't ready for an anonymous group. She didn't feel capable of sharing that horrible moment with anyone else. "That was last week and so far Olivia's still insisting I press charges against him."

"And, if given the opportunity, would you consider it?" Dr. Weslin asked.

Montserrat wanted to think about it, but the more she did the ickier she felt. It may have been ridiculous, or maybe not, but it was just the way her body reacted. "Any thought about...him...makes it hard. If I press charges then everyone will know, and everyone will ask questions...I'll have to relive everything again. And it might be for nothing since no one knows where he is."

"Would things be different if his location were known? Or if he was already in custody for the drug charges?"

Montserrat scrunched her face, bringing her hands to cover herself. "I don't know," she answered tiredly. "I just don't know."

~ 0 ~

"...I've got it set up, trust me…"

As Montserrat neared the bullpen, she could hear Kara's voice carrying out. It was rare of Kara to make a visit at work, so when Montserrat walked in and found Kara at Sonny's desk the world made sense again. She'd come for Sonny, not Montserrat.

In retrospect, Montserrat thought she should've seen it coming. They were basically dating, as annoying it was.

"Montserrat!" Kara jumped from the edge of Sonny's desk, looking far too startled for her.

"Hey, what's going on?" Montserrat pulled her jacket off and draped it over the back of her desk chair.

"Nothing!" Kara said too quick.

 _Dammit._ Montserrat believed she knew why Kara had dropped by in the middle of the day.

"I should go," Kara said, swiping her purse off Sonny's desk. "See you later," she said to the two detectives before making a quick-paced exit.

Montserrat dropped into her chair with a weary sigh. "Sonny, for the love of God, make her stop all of her birthday party plans."

"What?" Sonny raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised she knew of their plans. "How did you-"

"-don't insult my intelligence, Carisi," Montserrat warned. "Just tell her I don't want it. I thank her for it but I don't want to celebrate anything this year."

"Oh c'mon, you're turning 30 and I know that might not sound appealing but-"

"-it's not the age," Montserrat stopped him. She sighed again. No one understood why she didn't want anything to do with her birthday this year, and she couldn't tell them why. "I just don't want it. So please, make her stop."

"Why don't you just tell her yourself?" Sonny offered the only alternative that wouldn't end with his own head.

"Because she won't listen to me!"

"I'm-"

"Novak," Olivia called as soon as she walked into the bullpen, "My office." She went straight for her office without glancing back at any of her detectives.

Montserrat fiddled with a pen on her desk for a few seconds while the others kept staring at her. Eventually, she let the pen drop and looked up. "What? Is this high school now?"

"You better gooo," Nick's teasing voice helped no one.

Montserrat got up from her chair and walked towards Olivia's office. She promptly shut the door and turned to face her Sergeant.

"Have you given any thought of what we talked about?" Olivia went straight for the point.

Montserrat sighed and gave a shake of her head. "My answer is still no. It's buried and there's no point in bringing it back."

"But there _is_ still something we can do," Olivia persisted. She got up from her seat and moved around the desk. "You did everything right, meaning you can still press charges."

"And do what?" Montserrat raised an eyebrow. "You're not listening, Olivia, he's not here anymore. He could be off in Brazil for all I know. I'm not putting myself through that."

"I understand that, but I just want to help you-"

"-if you want to help me, then stop that damn birthday party from happening!" Montserrat gestured to the bullpen as of Olivia would know. "Otherwise, just leave it. I'm tormented enough."

"Montse-" Olivia called but the detective was already out the door. Olivia walked towards her open door and closed it again. She turned to her desk and remained still while she thought of some things. Eventually, she got an idea. Whether or not it was a good one, she wouldn't know until she did it.

~0~

It was late at night when SVU got a call. Nearly 3 am saw Olivia and reporter Jimmy MacArthur arrive at the scene. Police sirens flashed in the night, reflecting off the bright yellow tape sealing the street off.

"Couple of tourists walking along said they heard moaning from the other side of that wall around 2:00 A.M," Fin walked Olivia down the park, stopping by a cemented wall. "The vic is Heba Salim, 24, clothes muddy and torn, scratches on her face, bruising on her body."

"You get a statement?"

"Novak and Amaro are doing it right now," Amanda walked towards them. "But she seems pretty out of it. She told the two responding unis that she had been raped by two male whites."

"Okay, we set up a grid search?" Olivia asked though she knew her detectives were of course already on it.

"From the park entrance, and we've got Carisi leading a canvassing endeavor for hotel doormen on Central Park South. So far, no witnesses," Fin said, spotting Jimmy nearing Montserrat and Nick. "What's that guy doing down here?"

Olivia glanced back and saw Jimmy, frowning. "Don't even start. One PP gave him full access. Nothing we can do."

Unfortunately, Montserrat and Nick would be the first ones to meet Jimmy that night, since he was practically breathing over their shoulders while they attempted to keep up with their victim's gourmet. Heba was semi-conscious but the fact the two ERs rushing her towards the ambulance were louder than Montserrat and Nick made it difficult for both detectives to get a good, clear statements.

"Could you do us a favor and back off?" Nick nearly exploded on the reporter after Heba's ambulance drove away. "We were trying to get a statement!"

"Sorry, but I have full access," Jimmy was proud to announce, much to the annoyance of Nick.

"Who are you?" Montserrat scrunched her face, partially from confusion and the other part from genuine cold. She felt the tip of her nose freezing.

"Jimmy MacArthur. You know me," the man said with such assurance it almost made Montserrat doubt herself. "I hope you guys know by now that we're looking at a hate crime."

Montserrat was both stunned and confused on how he'd gotten that when both she and Nick hadn't even gotten a proper retell from the victim. "How did you-"

"-you better not publish any of that yet," Nick warned, already scowling but all Jimmy did was smile and go on his way.

~ 0 ~

The next morning had SVU busy with Heba's family, more so them than actually her.

"I don't think this is the way to get to our vic," Sonny told the other detectives around him while they watched Olivia and Rafael go back and forth with Reverend Curtis, who was acting on behalf of Heba's family.

Olivia's office was filled with the detectives, Heba's family and the Reverend. It was a loud commotion and the only person who nattered wasn't even in the room. She was in the interview room, trying to wish it all away.

"Reverend Curtis, Heba is in good hands here," Olivia followed the Reverend around her office. "I hope that we can stay focused on this case."

"As do I," Reverend Curtis raised his hand, showing them he was on their side but with more important endeavors. "This is just her family. Her brother Fareed is on his way."

Rafael barely contained the urge to roll his eyes right there. This was a complete waste of time. "Have we even interviewed her yet?" he spoke up just to stop Olivia from following the Reverend.

"Sort of," Montserrat muttered, crossing her arms as she remembered the interruptions from last night.

Amanda cleared her throat and gave her co-worker a glance to warn her to keep quiet. They didn't want Heba's family to know about Jimmy Mac. "Yeah, she was completely out of it at the scene. She was freezing. She spent all night in the E.R. I mean, this is the first chance we've had to talk to her."

"And we can't talk to her in front of her parents or you, reverend Curtis," Olivia put her hands together in exhaustion. They were making their case so much more difficult.

"This is more than just a rape. She was singled out because she wore a hijab," the Reverend spoke slowly as if none of the group were competent to understand his point.

"We're exploring that possibility-"

"Possibility? She was called a 'Muslim bitch.' Am I misinterpreting that?"

"Nobody is saying that you are-"

"-good. Even so, this community doesn't trust the NYPD-"

"-oh, but they trust you?" Rafael scoffed.

The Reverend shot him a look. "That's right. They reached out to me to be their advocate."

"Advocate? Any chance you told them that's exactly what the D.A.'S office is?"

"Heba's parents are concerned with her honor and the family's reputation."

"Go ahead." Olivia had enough of the nonsense. Every second they wasted arguing with the Reverend was another second Heba spent in torment. She went back to her detectives, pushing Amanda and Nick towards the interview room. "We understand that. So how about my detectives go in there with Heba - please get everybody else out of there…" She closed the interview door after Amanda and Nick then turned back and walked Rafael and the Reverend out of her office, "While you two work together in reassuring the family?"

Rafael's expression indicated no chance of that. The Reverend was working his last nerve and it wasn't even noon.

~ 0 ~

"So what are we looking?" Olivia asked the group once they were at a decent peace in the bullpen. They'd been able to get a proper statement from Heba, but it'd been quite the challenge to get them all out of the precinct without losing it.

"The rape kit exam confirms vaginal tears and the presence of semen from two different men. And remnants of torn hymen tissue," Amanda read off the results their M.E had sent them so far.

"And where are we on the hate crime aspect?"

"Well, they ripped off her head scarf and they taunted her with racial slurs," Montserrat said what Heba's statement had been. "That's pretty much the definition, isn't it?"

"Well, it's according to her," Nick leaned back on his chair. "We still haven't found any witnesses."

"Oh, come on. That time of night? Right by the park?" Sonny raised an eyebrow, smiling just to be obvious. "Somebody should have seen or heard something."

Olivia seemed to agree with his thoughts. "Okay, well, then go back up there, re-interview everybody. Doormen, street people." Sonny nodded and looked at Montserrat to see if she was ready to go.

"I hope it's not a chase," the ginger got up from her chair.

"And where are we with the security footage?" Olivia looked at the remainder of her detectives.

"We have the D.O.T. Traffic cam, but we're still checking into a couple other things," Fin promptly answered.

"Let me stop you all before you divide and conquer," Rafael stopped the entire group in time. "The family says Jimmy Mac called them. He had details from the case."

"Not such a surprise since he was at the crime scene," Olivia sighed.

"They think someone from SVU is talking to the press," Rafael's eyes flickered from one detective to the next. "Be aware of what you are saying."

"We got it, councilor," Sonny ushered Montserrat towards the hallway, but the ginger stopped just to make one remark.

"What is this, high school? We know how to keep our mouths shut," she rolled her eyes and went on out.

~ 0 ~

Following Olivia's instructions, Montserrat and Sonny talked to as many people that could've been at the scene last night, but it seemed they weren't going to have luck because everyone told them the same thing. There were no screams. There was no girl. They'd gone home earlier.

"I was working late last night," one construction worker was in the middle of saying, missing Montserrat practically ball her fists on her sides.

Sonny was more professional at the moment. He just kept the questions coming. "How late?"

"1:30. I'm trying to log in as many hours before De Blasio phases us out."

"And you were here, right by Central Park?"

"Yeah."

"You or any of your friends hear screams or see two guys take this woman down?" Sonny showed the man a picture of Heba on his phone.

The worker shook his head. "I heard about it this morning. Must have happened after I left."

"Okay, thanks," Sonny turned to Montserrat with the same disappointed expression she had.

"That's like the 20th person we speak to who has no idea of what happened," Montserrat groaned. "My feet hurt. And my mind."

"Yeah, well the mind thing isn't from this case, is it?" Sonny meant the birthday plans and just the mere reminder made Montserrat groan.

Luckily for her, or unluckily judging who was thinking, they were interrupted by Jimmy Mac.

"Are you kidding me?" Montserrat glared at the man she was losing respect for even when she hadn't even properly met him yet.

As soon as Jimmy saw them, he walked over (while stuffing the last bit of his hot dog into his mouth). "Detectives Carisi and Novak. So how's your vic?"

Montserrat had to bite her tongue so that she wouldn't respond with a curt ' _none of your business_ '.

"You find that head scarf yet?"

"You think we're gonna talk to you about an open investigation?" Sonny derailed the answer cleverly, but Jimmy saw it as a mediocre attempt to cover the truth.

"So you got nothing. That's okay. There may be nothing to get!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Montserrat raised an eyebrow at the reporter. "Maybe you have something you want to share?"

Jimmy laughed in a condescending manner. "Jimmy Mac didn't become famous by sharing his sources with the cops. You can read about it like everybody else in the city in tomorrow's paper."

"Don't count on it," mumbled Montserrat when he left. "Who the hell does he think he is? He doesn't know anything." She would've said more had it not been for Sonny becoming focused with his phone all of a sudden. "What's up?"

"Uuh…" Sonny's look become concerned, bringing Montserrat to peer over to his phone and see the image causing problems.

"That's Heba on the street…"

"And look at the time stamp," Sonny pointed to the corner of the picture.

"It's 1:54 am and...she's walking toward the park. Clothes torn, no head scarf," Montserrat pursed her lips as they both knew that was quite a big contradiction to Heba's statement.

~0~

With further confirmation that Heba's statement was not quite true, the detectives took it straight to Heba herself for clarification. However, it turned out to be a waste of time because it only ended with HEba reaffirming her initial story and getting her family to throw the detectives out.

"How'd it go?" Olivia asked Montserrat and Sonny as soon as they walked into the bullpen.

"We are no longer welcome at that house," Sonny plopped down at his desk, more or less irritated.

Olivia motioned with a finger for Montserrat to follow her into the office. Montserrat dutifully followed but was already wear of where their conversation would end up at.

"Amanda and Finn went to Warner yesterday for further analysis and it's pretty much coinciding with the time stamp," Montserrat started first, thinking it would give her an advantage to lead the conversation towards her favor. "She said something about red and gold fibers being found under Heba's nails."

" So the benefit ended at midnight, and the security footage shows her walking towards the crime scene at what time?" Olivia rubbed her temples as she moved to her desk.

"It's 1:54," Montserrat paused for a second. The images of the distraught Heba was something hard to process. "Heba got defensive saying we didn't believe her but the truth is right there. We _do_ believe something happened to her - the video proves it, but...not where she says or when she says."

"No chance of talking to her today," Olivia presumed after what Montserrat said.

"Not unless we want to be thrown out twice in two days," Montserrat crossed her arms and walked up to Olivia's desk. "She's too defensive, meaning she's lying. And if she's lying, then she doesn't want our help that much."

"Montse," Olivia brought her hands to the desk, looking disapproving. "It means she's hiding something because she's scared."

"Or mine, or yours…" Montserrat decided to leave it at that.

Olivia stayed pensive for a while before laying eyes on Montserrat. "Is this why you debate about pressing charges, then?" Montserrat visibly stiffened in her spot. "Because of the back and forth thing?"

"I don't want to do this right now, Olivia," sighed the ginger.

"I...I just don't understand," Olivia admitted. "You _work_ for SVU. You of all people know how this works, the benefits of going forwards...the freedom you have afterwards."

"You say that because you knew exactly where your tormentor was. He's been in prison waiting trial, but I have no idea where the hell _he_ is," Montserrat fervently shook her head. "I'm not opening myself to that type of trauma if I know there's not going to be any closure. Not happening."

"Hey Sarge?" Sonny poked his head into the office, essentially ending that conversation without knowing it. "We got a problem."

Olivia exchanged a look with Montserrat, both wondering what it could be now. "And what is it?"

Before Sonny could answer, Rafael pushed way into the office. He looked angry as hell as he raised a newspaper in his hand. "Who the hell has been talking to Jimmy Mac?" Because the newspaper's headline was all about the hoax that Heba's case was thought to be.

Perhaps it was the effect of the repeated conversation, or the fact she just felt plain offended, but Montserrat responded with a decent dripping sarcasm, "Oh yeah, all of us. We took turns."

That was all it took to infuriate Rafael. If Montserrat hadn't been in her own mood, she would've been amused by the way his face scrunched in utter anger. She'd come to learn some of his mannerisms since she was so good at irritating him. When he scrunched his entire face just for a blip of a second, it meant he was frustrated and a good amount of angry.

"Hang on," Olivia rose from her chair, making a motion with her hands for them to calm down. "None of us are talking to Jimmy-"

Rafael let the newspaper drop on the desk. "Then where the hell is he getting it from?"

"I wish I knew, but we don't." Olivia picked up the newspaper and reread the headline at least twice before forcing herself to skim the article. "But I'm going to talk to him."

"And do what?" Rafael scoffed, snatching the newspaper from her hands. "There's no point. Someone is talking."

"I will fix it," Olivia reassured then looked at Montserrat and Sonny. "Leave us, please. Montserrat, we'll talk later."

Montserrat did a double-take before outright saying, "No we're done. I made my decision." She gave Olivia no room to argue by leaving with Sonny.

"Can I ask what the hell is going on?" Rafael wished he could get at least one question answered that day.

"...she just doesn't like her birthday," Olivia found herself answering within the second.

Rafael rolled his eyes. "I have never met someone who put that much hatred into their birthday. You all need to focus."

"We will," Olivia's reassurance meant nothing to him at the moment.

"You better because I will be coming back tonight to see your progress."

Olivia leveled his intense look with her own, studious one. "How hard is the D.A. breathing on you right now?"

The question only made Rafael slightly shift. He kept his cool facade as best as he could. "My concern only."

It was then Olivia's turn to scoff. "Okay."

Rafael pointed a warning finger her way as he started to leave. "I'll be back later."

Olivia nodded him off and picked up the newspaper again. She would mark Jimmy's office as the second place she would be heading to today.

~ 0 ~

"Captain Carroll?" a tall, dark haired man stepped into a woman's office.

The woman in question was an older woman, probably fifty or so. Her grayish hair was tied into a tight bun and her blue eyes, though bright, were dimmed by the stack of papers on her desk. "Yes, Sanders?"

"You have a visitor," Detective Sanders said.

"Do I?" the Captain thought for a second before shaking her head. "Can't be. I don't have anything scheduled."

Before Detective Sanders could say anything, Olivia pushed the office door open and strode inside. "You'll have to make time then because I'm not leaving until we talk."

Captain Carroll raised an eyebrow at the woman, clearly taken aback by Olivia's bluntness. Being an older woman, Carroll was used to a different type of lifestyle. "Excuse me?"

Olivia ignored Carroll and glanced at the detective with them. "Leave us."

Detective Sanders briefly looked to his captain, wondering what he should do. He hadn't been very open to Olivia's sudden visit to their precinct, but as a detective there wasn't much he could do.

"Leave us, Sanders," the Captain ultimately said, making a motion for the man to leave.

Olivia waited till they were alone before speaking, and even when she did she was careful to speak in a quiet manner. "I'm Sergeant Olivia Benson, acting commander of Manhattan's SVU squad."

"Yes, I've heard about you several times," Captain Carroll rose from her desk and straightened up her blouse. "To what do I owe this visit? It's not everyday we get a Manhattan SVU Sergeant in Queens' Homicide."

"I'm here unofficially," Olivia walked slowly towards the desk. "I was the one who received one of your detective's transfer papers. You remember Detective Novak, right?" Olivia scrutinized the Captain for every expression she gave, and it was quite easy to see that the mere mention of Montserrat's name made Carroll stiffen.

Carroll cleared her throat and once again patted her blouse down as if it'd gotten crinkled in the one minute since the last time. "Detective Novak? Of course I remember her. She's the reason many of our drug missions were successful. You know Hallie D'Amico, right?"

"I do," Olivia gave a slight nod of her head. "And I think we both know at what cost D'Amico went down...right?"

Once again, Carroll's forehead creased at the middle. "I...don't know what you mean."

"Let me put it to you this way, just so that we don't waste time," Olivia pressed her hands onto the desk and leaned forwards, "I know what happened during your undercover mission for Hallie D'Amico. I know what happened to Detective Novak and I know that you did _nothing_ about it. You, Captain-" Olivia spat the title like venom, "-are a true disgrace in this department."

Carroll's eyebrows knitted together as anger flourished through her. "How dare you-"

"-no, how dare _you_ call yourself Captain while you let your detectives go through hell?" Olivia pushed herself off the desk, thinking it was better to put some distance between her and the Captain.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Carroll attempted to say, but Olivia was heated.

"Quit playing! I know about everything! Montserrat told me!"

Carroll was stunned. "She did what-"

"-and don't you dare-" Olivia pointed a sharp finger in Carroll's way, "-have the audacity to be angry about that! How could you - how you could trade in your detective's well being, her entire self, for one measly operation?"

"Measly operation?" Carroll's eyes nearly bulged from her eyes. "That was an undercover mission of 3 years!"

"I don't care!" snapped Olivia. "Because no mission is worth any detectives' lives!"

"Now wait a minute!" Carroll raised her hands, hoping to slow things down for her benefit. "I don't know why Montserrat would ever choose to disclose to anyone, but I'll have you know I never forced her to keep quiet."

"No," Olivia agreed, tilting her head, "But you sure did remind her that the mission was important. It'd been years' work and it would be a shame if her pressing charges about a rape would cut the mission short. Hallie D'Amico couldn't get away, right?"

"And she didn't."

"At Montserrat's expense!" Olivia practically yelled in the woman's face. She didn't even notice how far she'd gone over the desk. "You know she goes to therapy because of what happened to her? It's the only place she can talk freely because she doesn't want to press charges. You manipulated her into keeping quiet just so you could get your name on the headlines."

"I did no such thing," Carroll said, but Olivia swore it sounded like the woman was trying to convince herself of her own statement. "Now get out of my office, and don't you ever come back. If Montserrat would like to argue, then by all means she's welcome to return."

Olivia shook her head. "You're cynical. That's why Montserrat left Queens, and your precinct in the first place. She couldn't stand living here, working in a place where no one cared for her."

"I tried to ease her pain the best I could-" Carroll attempted to argue but Olivia quickly walked up to her to cut her off.

"All _lies_!" she spat and straightened herself up. "When push came to shove, you threw Montserrat under the bus. You decided she was not important enough-"

"-that's not true-" Carroll's face fell, but Olivia felt no sympathy for her.

"-it _is_. The only thing I'm glad about is the fact that Montserrat is with us now. Because in my squad, we care about each other and we _always_ look out for each other. Sadly, yours doesn't share the same sentiment," Olivia gave Carroll one look-over before storming out of the office.

Detective Sanders watched Olivia leave their precinct and had the curiosity to see his Captain. However, when he attempted to speak with Carroll, she basically threw him out.

~ 0 ~

 _You work for SVU._

Montserrat fervently scrolled down her computer screen, switching tabs every now and then. No matter how hard she tried, she kept hearing Olivia's words from their most recent disagreement. Despite her failed endeavors, Olivia just wouldn't give up on pressing charges. Montserrat was getting weary, and yet even through that she had never really thought about her work at SVU as she was now.

What Olivia said was true. Montserrat worked at SVU, the place where it was encouraged to come forwards about rape. And yet there she was, doing the exact opposite. How could she continue working there when she herself wouldn't come out and say what happened to her?

"Are those...transfer applications?"

Montserrat nearly jumped out of her chair. Of course when it hit her that she was no longer alone, she quickly closed all the tabs at once. But it was too late.

Rafael moved around her desk slowly, eyes flickering between her computer and her. "Are you thinking of transferring out of SVU?"

Montserrat cleared her throat while racking her head for a plausible explanation. She hadn't even concluded on her own if that's what she wanted to do. She'd just...perused. But boy was it going to cost her. "I...I was...I was just looking," came out of her mouth a few seconds later.

Rafael took the seat beside her desk. "Really? Just looking? Why?"

Montserrat's mouth opened several times but in the end a small laugh slipped through. "It doesn't matter. I was just looking. And why do you care? If I were to transfer, wouldn't that just be a relief for you?"

For a second it looked like Rafael would smile out of amusement, but he kept it well hidden. "Well, contrary to the popular belief, your big mouth is actually helpful sometimes. And...you do good work around here."

Montserrat looked at him for a second before smiling herself. "Are you trying to say you'd miss me if I were gone?"

" _Stop_ ," Rafael warned, though he did shift in his seat like he'd been outed.

Montserrat still smiled ever so proudly. "It's okay, councilor, I know it's hard to admit it-"

"-seriously, stop. Where are the others? I came back to see Olivia," he looked around at the empty bullpen, making it harder for Montserrat to keep from laughing.

"Olivia's been gone all afternoon. Nick and Finn went to talk to Heba's family again, and Amanda and Sonny went for some take out."

"Oh, so you waited for everyone to be gone to go through transfer papers," Rafael noted. "You're serious about this."

Montserrat brought a hand to her hair, nervous fingers looping around one curl. "I'm not. I'm just...considering."

"That's the same thing. I transferred as well, so I know the process very well. What is going on?" Rafael was beginning to get tired of asking the same question with no answer available.

"Nothing. And I would appreciate if you didn't say anything about this to anyone else," Montserrat sighed. If this was the reaction she got from someone who rarely showed any emotions, she didn't want to know what the others would do.

"Fine," Rafael said after concluding that despite her assurances it _was_ a serious matter. For some reason, things weren't fine. It bothered him.

"Hey!" Amanda's voice drew their attention, though one more than the other. "We got the food!"

"Great! Sonny hand me mine and don't touch it!" Montserrat's demeanor changed drastically, but of course in Rafael's mind it was all for show. He knew exactly what she was doing. Faking it. And she was doing a pretty good damn job at it too. No one could know what she was doing on the side.

But he did.

* * *

 **Author's Note** :

P. S: I have created a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's also a place where I thought anyone might want to comment about a story or even just talk! I'll probably drop some aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "noble-crescent" and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.

And since the two reviews were similar, I'll just thank y'all together! Hope you liked the new chapter!


	19. I See You

Montserrat walked into the bullpen with a big huff, ignoring the others around her in favor of the one she was currently irritated with. "Sonny, you are completely useless!"

"Ouch," Fin said from his desk, though the sarcasm just went through Montserrat. "What are you in for?" he asked Sonny, who looked more or less defeated.

"Something I have no control over," he raised his hands in defense.

"I told him to get Kara to stop organizing that stupid birthday party, and he couldn't even do that!" Montserrat exclaimed, letting her body plop into her chair.

"Oh yeah, it's this Friday," Amanda remembered.

"What is?" Olivia walked in, preparing to learn of her squad's newest bicker.

"My birthday party," Montserrat bitterly replied. "Which-" she pointed at each and every one of them, "-you can all consider yourselves uninvited to because it's not happening." She then let her head turn towards Sonny. "And you better tell that to Kara."

"It's like you want me to die," Sonny flatly said.

Montserrat rolled her eyes and mumbled a "coward" underneath her breath. Of course when she thought about it, she would have to say _she_ was the coward for not saying the truth. If Kara knew the real reason why Montserrat didn't want to celebrate her birthday, then Kara would never organize anything. But that was the truth, Montserrat thought. She would never have the guts to tell anyone what happened to her.

So suffer.

~ 0 ~

"What do you people want?" Heba's father angrily demanded after flinging his front door open.

Both Montserrat and Nick exchanged glances before answering. They knew they were in for a difficult time getting through Heba's family, but they had to get through in the end or else Heba would never see justice.

"We have to remind you that we _are_ on Heba's side," Montserrat started calmly, despite now having the same exact glares from Heba's father and brother. "But she needs to start telling us the truth about what happened to her that night."

"Why?" sneered Fareed. "So you can accuse her of changing her story?"

"No, we want to find the men that attacked her," Nick used the same calm tone as Montserrat, but it was difficult knowing they were right.

"Your department destroyed her reputation in the newspaper!"

"I swear, SVU knew nothing about that-"

"-we saw the headlines. You don't believe a word my daughter says!"

"Oh for God's sake," Montserrat mumbled as she pulled out her cellphone. She turned it over for the men to see, and what they saw was Heba out in the street way past the time she was meant to be heading home. "This is Heba just before 2:00 A.M. She's crossing toward Central Park. Okay, she had already been assaulted."

"She left the benefit just after midnight," Nick said, watching as the men started to become less hostile towards them now that they saw the clear truth. "That's a two-hour gap in her timeline. Now, did you notice if she was with anyone?"

"No, I told you I left the party early," Fareed reminded. "I asked my boss' assistant, Janelle, to keep an eye on her."

"Where can we find Janelle right now?"

"At the firm."

A short moment later found Montserrat and Nick heading back for their car. As Montserrat was getting into the passenger's seat, her phone dinged with a new text. She checked it to see who it was from.

"Someone important?" teased Nick after realizing she'd been glued to her phone.

"No, um...well…" Montserrat shook her head to start again. "You think you can go to the firm with someone else? Something just came up. Personal-wise."

"Uuh, yeah...is something wrong?"

"No. But it _is_ something important."

"Go ahead, sure," Nick said after watching her practically grip her phone like her life depended on it.

"Thanks," Montserrat smiled and pushed the door open. She quickly got out and shut the door. She made a sprint down the street until she could call for a cab.

~ 0 ~

"Thanks for seeing me without an appointment," Montserrat said after taking a seat in her usual spot.

Dr. Weslin gave a small nod of her head. "I had a cancellation. So, why are we here today?"

"Uum...certain...developments...have happened," Montserrat swallowed hard as the feelings surfaced after thinking about things all over again. "I'm starting to look through possible openings in different division."

Weslin appeared confused with the terminology. "You mean...transfer?"

Montserrat nodded. "Aha. After talking with Olivia, who's still adamant I should press charges, she said something that struck me."

"What did she say?"

"That I work at SVU and so I should know how things work. I should know the benefits of going through with things…" Montserrat paused as the memory of Olivia's words resurfaced in her mind. It made her feel worse. "And I mean, if I'm not willing to go forwards...how can I work at SVU? Isn't that a bit hypocritical?" Montserrat wasn't exactly looking for an answer considering she had answered it herself. "I just started to...look. That's all."

"That's all?" Weslin repeated, though made it into a question to lead Montserrat into saying what she wanted to.

"Yes, well...I don't know," Montserrat brought a hand to her unruly hair. "I want to at least look around. What if I'm a better fit for, I don't know, Narcotics? Or I could just go back to Homicide but in Manhattan."

"Would you be happy in one of these divisions?"

"That's the trick, isn't it? I won't know until I try." Montserrat released a breath she didn't know she was holding. "And it doesn't hurt to try," she found herself saying after a moment.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat returned to the precinct an hour later and since she'd already talked with Olivia about taking some time off, she wouldn't have to explain the reason for her sudden absence. She slipped into Olivia's office just as the group were having a discussion about the newest revelations of Heba's case. She ignored some of the lingering eyes from certain people as she focused on what Olivia was saying. It was definitely a turn twister.

"You're saying that Heba was assaulted in her brother's boss's office based on the color of the carpet?" Olivia practically exclaimed in the office, gaze flickering between Nick and Fin for a better explanation. "We're gonna need more than that to go after Elias Kemp Jr."

"Warner was very specific about these fibers," Fin reminded them.

"He's right," Amanda chimed in once she remembered what Warner had said the first time they visited her. "I bet if we can get a warrant…" she trailed off to look at Rafael over at the couch.

The ADA scoffed before giving them an 'are you kidding me' look. "Don't even go there, Rollins. We can't get a warrant just because of a carpet."

"That's fine," Fin said rather carelessly, even shrugging his shoulders. "We're not gonna need one. He's a neat freak. His assistant made us take our shoes off." HE then presented Olivia with a secured plastic bag of his socks from within his jacket's pocket.

Olivia had to smile. "Nice one. Get that to Warner."

Fin gave a nod and headed out of the office first, along with Nick.

Rafael pushed himself up from the couch with a weary sigh that gave a good indication of what he was going to say. "Even if she was assaulted there, given his profile, given his wealth...and the fact she's already lied to us…."

"Yeah, but if we're right, she lied to us because it was her brother's boss who did this to her," Montserrat spoke up for the first time since she'd walked in. "I mean, I'm not excusing it but it's a hell of a reason."

"Well, will she help us out now?" Rafael tried a different way of looking at things. What Montserrat said made sense but it didn't mean his case would get any easier.

"Not quite there yet," Amanda was the one to answer.

"Okay. Get the security footage from the building," Olivia pointed at Amanda and Montserrat. "Dig into his past. But please be discreet."

"It doesn't matter how 'discreet' we try to be because of Jimmy Mac," Montserrat said, making a rather good point since the newspaper of today included yet another story about SVU.

"She's not wrong there," Rafael had to admit. He'd read the newspaper this morning as well. "Is there any leads on who his sources are? They seem pretty close to your investigation."

Olivia took the light jab with a sour smile. "I can assure you that it's none of my people. There are leaks in the M.E.'S office. There are leaks in 1PP. And you're looking at us?"

"I'm looking at everyone," Rafael corrected and spared a side-glance at Montserrat.

Montserrat looked down at her shoes knowing exactly what that look was for. What was worse was that she hadn't even continued with her research on job openings so his look was really that more unnecessary. And besides that, he just had a sharpness she didn't feel being on the recipient end of...at least not today.

The office door opened as Sonny poked his head inside. "Hey, sergeant. Sorry for the interruption. There's something you need to see. All of you, actually."

Sonny led them towards the conference table, where the television was already on and displaying a heated protest with a familiar reverend at the front.

"Oh, you're kidding me," Amanda raised an eyebrow at the screen. "Who does that help!?"

The Reverend was in the middle of doing a speech for the cameras, and it wasn't a very good one. ' _We went to Special Victims Unit, and we were promised that this case would be handled discreetly, that the victim's honor would be preserved, and that justice would be done. Instead, the victim of a violent crime is being revictimized in the press by the very police officers who were sworn to protect her.'_

And then of course, because it had to happen, Jimmy Mac showed up to ask questions. 'Reverend Curtis! Mr. MacArthur. Reverend Curtis, why is this alleged victim not here today to answer any questions?'

'Mr. MacArthur, this young woman has suffered enough. I will not have her face a media lynch mob.'

Jimmy scoffed so loud everyone could hear it. 'Reverend, admit it. This is just another Tawana Brawley.'

'Mr. MacArthur, you claim to be the conscience of your newspaper. Where's the compassion for a young woman who's been violently assaulted?'

'The only assault here is on the truth. She lied!'

"Turn it off," Olivia ordered once both sides started to chant against each other. It was going to be a long, long fight.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat rubbed her tired eyes for the third time in the last 15 minutes. She reached for the glass of wine on the kitchen table and downed its remaining contents in 2 seconds. She'd been doing her due diligence by actually looking through any openings in other divisions. As it was, there were plenty. It was really just up to her to make the decision.

She was going through Brooklyn's Homicide division when the front door open with two loud mouths coming in. Though fast as she wanted to be, Sonny caught her quickly slamming her laptop shut. He wasn't that drunk to think it his imagination.

"Hey Montse, didn't know you were up," Kara was nonethewiser about things. Instead she went to drop her purse on the couch.

"It's only 11 o'clock," Montserrat pointed out then gave the two a crinkled-nose look. "You're lame."

The two in question deadpanned with the same tilted head. It was almost scary how in sync they'd gotten in a short time.

"Well, he has work tomorrow," Kara made a gesture at Sonny then crossed her arms, pretending to pout. "Can't do much with a curfew."

"I still brought you home. That counts, right?" Sonny glanced at Montserrat for some back up, but she knew better than to get into one of those fights.

"I'm going to get more wine," Montserrat grabbed her empty glass and stood up.

Sonny shook his head at her. "Thanks for the help, partner!"

"Anytime!"

Kara rolled her eyes at the two. "Fine. I'm going to bed, then. Thanks for bringing me home, though."

"Do I get points?" Sonny asked, but quieter to avoid Montserrat's tease later.

Kara gave him a short kiss on the lips - something Montserrat saw as she was coming out of the kitchen. She crinkled her nose in disgust before turning away. She just couldn't get used to that.

"Night," she heard Kara say after a few minutes.

"Is it safe to come out now?" Montserrat asked, even though she was already walking out from the kitchen.

Sonny turned around with a sour smile. "You're seriously going to stay on that plan?"

"Look, I'm happy that you're happy," Montserrat made a gesture at him and in Kara's bedroom direction, "But I just don't want to see skin-to-skin contact." She took a big swig of her glass, though it was unclear if it was for show or if she just needed it.

"I'll remember this, you know, when you start dating," Sonny's warning came in a manner that indicated he knew something that she didn't.

"What do you mean?" she frowned as she placed her glass down on the table. "I'm not interested in anyone."

"That's not what Kara says."

Montserrat didn't exactly know why her body had stiffened all of a sudden. But Sonny saw that.

"She's been saying for a while you've had some in denial issues about some guy?"

"W-well she is lying," Montserrat awkwardly folded her arms over her chest. "Kara talks too much. I'm not interested in anyone."

"I know Kara tends to talk more than she should sometimes but she seems really serious about this one," Sonny shrugged. Though even as he remained casual he kept a good eye on the way Montserrat was reacting. She was never an awkward person, and all of a sudden she was shifting on her feet? Oh yeah, Kara was onto something.

"Well I don't know where she's getting such an idea," Montserrat grabbed her glass and took another swig, bigger than the last one. She moved around the table for her seat, only to realize her glass was once again empty.

"What were you looking at anyways?" Sonny asked once he'd caught her laptop again and remembered her quick action with the lid. "Did we interrupt something…?"

"Stop," Montserrat crinkled her nose again. "You're just...go home, Carisi. You're drunk. And you're frankly just so wrong tonight."

Sonny playfully rolled his eyes. "Yeah alright. See you tomorrow, Montse."

"Mhm," Montserrat offered a weak smile as he left the apartment. She knew he meant well, he always did, but she couldn't handle his nose in her business. And what's more was that now he was getting a deeper nose into her life thanks to Kara.

Her eyes then looked at the hallway, narrowing as she thought about what she would say to Kara the next morning.

~ 0 ~

"Morning," Kara greeted Montserrat when the ginger walked out of the hallway. "I left some coffee for you."

"Thanks," Montserrat walked straight for the kitchen. She grabbed her coffee cup off the dish dryer and went for the leftover coffee.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Kara after hearing Montserrat's heal drag over a crack on the floor.

"Just a little annoyed," the ginger shrugged. She made her way back to the table and plopped down. She reached for a strawberry sitting on Kara's plate.

"What? Already?" Kara smiled in amusement. "It's not even 8 am yet. Who's so lucky?"

"...you."

Kara's smile faded until it was replaced with confusion. "What? Me? What I do?"

Montserrat put her cup down to frown at her roommate. "You're blabbing to Sonny about me and it's not even things that are true."

Kara's frown only deepened. She wasn't very awake for a full argument. "What? What am I saying?"

"You tell me! Kara, this isn't cool. It's actually pretty annoying."

Kara's mouth opened several times as she tried to come up with a response, but Montserrat gave her no room to think of an excuse.

"First of all, you're going on and on about a birthday that I don't want. I've already told you I don't want it and that I'm not lying so that you'll actually make me a party."

"It's your birthday," Kara said flatly. "It's your 30th birthday this weekend-"

"-and then I'm hearing that you're saying I'm interested in someone?"

Realization struck Kara in a second. Her mouth opened in an 'o' shape once she knew what Montserrat was upset about. "That's what this is about? You're mad about that?"

"Uh, yes!" Montserrat didn't think she'd have to say more than that, bit apparently Kara wouldn't get it like that. "It's lies!"

Kara laughed. "It's really not. I've been your best friend since we were teenagers. I know how you act when you like someone. I know the looks, I know the denials, I know your ticks. And I'm sorry to tell you that you are indeed interested in someone.

"Oh my God, you really are insane," Montserrat concluded 2 seconds later. "I haven't done anything."

Kara laughed out of pure frustration and amusement. Frustration that Montserrat was in denial and amusement because she really couldn't see it. "Oh my God. This is going to be hilarious in years to come."

"KARA!"

The blonde still snickered but she calmed herself down only to get Montserrat to really listen to her. "I'm sorry. I'm in a place where I feel like I can talk to Sonny about things and you're a big part of my life. I like seeing you happy and right now you're...half and half."

"What does that even mean?" Montserrat wearily asked.

"It means that sometimes you're down because you have problems with him, and then other times you're just... enamored. Completely."

"I'm going to regret asking this but who am I supposed to be interested in?"

"Wow, you're really in that denial phase," Kara said dramatically as she stared at her roommate's clueless face. "It's Rafael, dammit! All those degrees and you couldn't figure that out?"

Montserrat went through a series of expressions. The first was her widened eyes for shock, soon followed by utter confusion that consisted of her scrunched face. "I don't think so!" she exclaimed just before getting angry.

Kara picked up another of her strawberries then pointed at Montserrat. "See, that's the denial. Same exact thing when you liked, what was his name? Ian Sunmi! Same exact thing."

"Please tell me you haven't told that one to Sonny yet," Montserrat hoped to God that Kara had some restrain.

"Are you crazy?" Kara blinked, choosing to ignore Montserrat's quiet _'No, but you are'_ response. "I'm not giving him names. Least, you know, not until it happens."

"It's not," Montserrat assured, deciding that if she showed her anger it would only fuel Kara's game. "Because he's a co-worker, a friend. That's it."

Kara's smile was a knowing one, and it irked Montserrat that Kara thought she knew more than she herself actually did. "I'm sorry, Montse, but I don't think that's the case anymore. No pun intended." Before Montserrat could open her mouth to continue her protest, Kara quickly added, "I mean you're basically me when I kept talking about Sonny. And look where I am now."

At this point, all Montserrat could do was roll her eyes.

"I've been saying this for a while now. And it's nothing wrong," Kara continue calmly, though she did wonder if she would have to hide Montserrat's gun. "Like I've always said, he's good looking and so are you. I mean, he scared _me_ but for you...he's good for you. Definitely."

"He's a smartass," Montserrat snapped, but Kara just smirked as an indication that so was she. "Oh shut up!"

Kara couldn't help but burst into laughter while Montserrat got up to leave.

~ 0 ~

Thanks to Fin's lucky socks, the squad now had a true lead with Elias and his fellow friend. With a swab of their DNA, they were able to get the two of them into interrogation rooms for their side of the "full story" which was really next to nothing but a lie.

"How could they say it was consensual?" Heba was outraged after being told what Elias' and Sullivan's version was, more than that she was destroyed the worst moment of her life was reduced to a casualty. "I would never-"

"It's okay. Nobody believes them," Olivia reassured the young woman while the rest of the squad nodded their heads. "What we need, Heba, is for you to tell us what really did happen."

But that just made Heba's eyes widened in alarm. "You want me to go up against the Kemp family? I can't. I mean, my parents, my brother... I mean, that's why I said I was raped in the park. I thought it would be better for them to hear that."

"If Heba takes the stand, she'll be brutalized all over again," the Reverend told the others, as if they didn't already know that.

"And if you want to clear your name, if you want justice, you have to testify," Amanda responded with, thinking it was a good reason to. "Otherwise, these men go free, Heba."

"And we don't want that," Olivia threw a discreet glance in Montserrat's way. The detective in question looked down at her shoes again.

"We hear you. We will talk it over with her family," the Reverend promised as he ushered Heba towards the doorway.

"She's not wrong, is she?" Nick waited until Heba was gone to say. "Kemp's team will destroy her on the stand."

"Couldn't we make a case without her?" Fin made the question, and the fact that all eyes moved to Rafael it didn't defer his answer from being a flat no.

"It's bad enough she made up her bizarre story."

"Not to mention these guys are charismatic and good-looking," Montserrat added from the top of her head. She hated those guys but there was no denying those facts.

"And of course they got your buddy, Jimmy Mac, hammering her every day," Rafael pointed at Olivia, something that made the woman frown.

"When did you two get on the same page?" Nick made a face at the two, but Montserrat quickly shook her head.

"We didn't! I'm just saying what I think was obvious," she crossed her arms, feeling awkward now that she had all the attention. _I'm going to kill Kara_.

"...are you okay?" Sonny was the one to ask the dire question after silently agreeing with the others she was acting rather odd.

"Yes! God!" Montserrat answered quickly. "I'm getting coffee!" she announced and turned to leave. She was way too fast to be 'normal', even if she was trying to fake it.

"Should we be worried?" Amanda looked at the rest after the door had shut behind Montserrat.

"Focus on the case," Rafael said, though his eyes were locked on the door. "I've got Novak." He missed the collective surprise of the others as he made his way out of the office.

As Montserrat had said, she was making coffee in the break room.

"Alright, what the hell are you doing?" Rafael went straight for the point as he stormed into the room.

"Making coffee, don't you see?" Montserrat gestured to the coffee pot in front of her.

"I'm not - stop that!" he snapped. Before speaking again, he looked back at the open door to see if anyone was nearby to overhear. "Is this about your decision to transfer? Or did you decide to permanently become weird?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes. "If you're fishing for some answers how about I just give them to you instead of doing this?" she made a gesture between them. "There's actual openings that I think I might be good at. I might switch to Homicide here in Manhattan, or maybe even Brooklyn-"

"-been in Brooklyn, it's not good," Rafael said flatly.

"Oh please," she reached for a coffee cup.

"I'm not kidding. And you know, at least I'm being honest which is more than what I can say for you. I don't buy that this decision to transfer came out of nowhere. If anything, it's out of this damn denial for your birthday-"

At the mention of her birthday, Montserrat nearly dropped the coffee pot. Rafael watched her lose herself in a minute of silence and then fade as if nothing happened. She blinked fast and once she came back to reality, she lowered the coffee pot and her cup altogether until they were safely on the table.

"I need you to stop talking about that," she said quietly, her voice mildly shaky.

"Your birthday?" he said, only to test the effect it had and see for himself to what extent it would cause her to lose herself again.

She visibly cringed. "Just...stop it…" She suddenly didn't need coffee anymore. "Leave me the hell alone, will you?" she practically hissed as she moved to leave.

Rafael grabbed onto her arm and forced her to stay. "Whatever is going on, it's not going away even if you try to run from it."

Montserrat hated that even in his most annoying moments he could be _right_. She tried to get her arm free from his grip but as it turned out, he had more strength than she thought.

"Seriously, are you okay?" Rafael asked softly for the first time since the conversation started.

Montserrat wished she could say no, but doing that would out her secret. She'd have to tell him everything and she just wasn't there. And she felt a twinge of shame she couldn't tell him because despite her irritation with him, she knew he was just trying to help. She didn't get to see that side of him very often, the one that included absolutely no sarcasm, no snark, just...someone open. She liked it.

It was then that Kara's conversation came back to her.

 _Oh my God_ , Montserrat blinked. She pulled her arm out of his grip and took a step backwards. "Just leave me alone." She forgot about coffee altogether. Now all she was focused on was getting away from him, at least to clear her head.

But Rafael wouldn't forget. In fact, he felt like a new layer of frustration had been added to his shoulders. The worst part was that he didn't even understand _why_ he felt such a heavy frustration. _Because she's frustrating, that's why_ , he scowled.

For the rest of the day, he came up with different reasons on just why Montserrat was so frustrating. Her secrets and her lies. That was probably the most irritating thing he could think of when it came to Montserrat. From the very start she had come in with a secret pregnancy that turned out to be a surrogacy process. And then she disappeared for months as if nothing happened. But that didn't stop her secrets and the lies that came with the former.

She hid things constantly and he really didn't understand why. Everyone around her was there to help her, including himself. That's why he let her vent whenever they were out together. Once she started to vent, to just talk, the stress seemed to fade from her eyes. She would smile more, and start making those sarcastic, albeit annoying, remarks at him. But then it would start again. Montserrat would fall into her distant, secretive phase all over again. Only this time, it seemed like two words with him drove her away.

 _Why can't she just say what's going on? Because that would be too easy_.

"What did you say?"

Rafael looked up from his desk to see Nick, Olivia and Fin staring at him. It was then that he realized his last thought hadn't been a thought - he'd actually said it out loud.

"What?" he geniously said once he made his realization.

"You just said something," Nick said, about to go into further detail of how it had nothing to do with their conversation but he paused instead. Like Olivia and Fin, he'd noticed that Rafael hadn't really been paying attention to their conversation and that was odd considering they'd come bearing news that their evidence finally matched up with Elias. One would think it was a great motivator to take things to trial once and for all.

"Did you?" Rafael crossed gazes with Olivia and Fin.

"You're out of it," Olivia remarked.

"I have a lot to deal with!"

"Yeah, but that's just your usual load," Fin's comment actually annoyed Rafael more than it should have.

"So I'm not allowed to have my own problems?" he ended up snapping.

"That's not what we're saying-"

"-then why can't you just say what you mean? You know how easier that would make things?" he punctuated his last words in a near spat if he hadn't been gritting his teeth together. Yeah, he was a bit upset. Maybe he was done with Montserrat's constant lies and secrets, and maybe even more with her snaps. "Maybe she should just transfer!"

It took only a second for Rafael to realize that hadn't been a quiet thought.

With widened eyes he looked to find all three of Nick's, Olivia's and Fin's shocked faces. He'd practically given them a 30 second show of a meltdown with quite an ending. _She's actually going to kill me now_.

 _That_ had been a quiet thought. If only the previous one could've been too.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

That's a bit 'uh-oh!' from me! That can't end well, can it?

And since the two reviews said similar things I'll just thank y'all both here! Hope you liked the new chapter!

And here's a question, if yall are willing to answer: I'm finally up to that point where these two disasters are finally going out and they're to actually going on a date now...what do yall think they might do? Like, where would they go? Let me know what yall think!

Also, P.S I did end up posting a Halloween one-shot for them under 'The Detective & the ADA' on my profile if you want to check it out!


	20. One, Two Three Questions

There wasn't really a word to describe the anger Montserrat felt. It just bubbled inside her and no matter how many times she yelled, she didn't feel better. She tried coming up with a good description to at least spat it in Rafael's face, but nothing came close. Even as he profusely apologized for letting it slip that she was thinking of transferring, the anger didn't fade. Really, however badly it sounded, she wanted to smack him. It was unprofessional, it was plain childish, but that's what she wanted to do. And maybe strangle him.

My God he frustrated her.

"Montserrat, you have to talk to me at some point, you know," Rafael was following Montserrat down the courthouse hallway. As soon as Heba's first day of trial was finished, Montserrat got up to leave...but she was stupid if she believed he would drop things like that.

"Unfortunately for work I do," the detective muttered once she pressed the elevator button. "But who knows, that might not last too long. Do you want to pass out the date of my last day too?"

"I said I was sorry. You have to believe me when I say I didn't mean to tell anyone about your transfer-"

Montserrat whirled around in a snap. "But that's just it, I _don't_ believe you, Rafael. I've known you for months now and your mouth has never made a mistake like that. It's literally why I hate it! You _always_ know what you're saying - that's your one, annoying talent!"

The elevator dinged as its door slid open. Before Montserrat could even think about getting in, Rafael yanked her away and brought her a couple steps away from it. "I understand what you're saying but I didn't plan it. I was…" Yup, it pained him to admit it out loud, "...upset about your behavior with me." Montserrat's face scrunched, clearly confused on what he was talking about. "I don't understand what's been going on with you and the fact you wouldn't tell me and instead got snappy with me...it got to me."

Montserrat could at least appreciate he was being honest, because she could tell how painful it was for him to admit that one. But that was it. It didn't mean she was on the forgiving phase. She'd done all the yelling possible and he'd surprisingly taken it all. But he kept coming back. "Well, it's like you said when I first started working here: I don't owe you any of my secrets."

How could Rafael say that was before he got to know her without sounding like he cared more than he ought to? _Was_ there a way?

Montserrat shook her head. She shook his hand off her arm and walked back to the elevator. She couldn't trust herself not to shout all over again if she stayed back.

Rafael watched her go with a feeling of distraught. At what point did this happen? So what if she was angry with him? He'd pissed off more people than he could count. And at least they didn't shout in his face as bad as Montserrat had. What the hell made her so special that he'd feel the relentless urge to apologize even when it exposed him to more of her shouts?

"Hey councilor," Sonny called as he crossed the hallway. He was going to act as if he and the rest of the squad hadn't been watching that argument unfold, but he did feel the need to at least cheer one side up. "She's going to get over it, trust me. Kara says so."

"Oh great, so the roommate knows too," Rafael rolled his eyes. He started making way for the elevator as well, preferring to avoid any other sympathetic talks from the squad. "Am I the villain too?"

"No, you're the hero because Kara says she would've strangled Montserrat by now with all her yelling," Sonny said too easily and casually that it actually made Rafael smile for a bit. Alright, so maybe he could do with a talk with Kara Mackie sometime soon.

"As much as I'd love to snap back, I think this time it'll benefit me if I keep my mouth shut," Rafael pressed the elevator button. "Because every time I open it, I just anger Montserrat more. But then again, she's just so frustrating that I can't seem to actually keep quiet."

"Yeah, that's the case with women," shrugged Sonny. "But listen, I think right now it's better to give Montse some space so that she can cool down. She's not listening to anyone right now, trust me."

"I'm a little concerned that because of it, she might make a rash decision," Rafael's admission made Sonny pause and look at him.

Sonny briefly glanced to the side to make sure no one could overhear them when he spoke again. "Hey I just have to ask, do you and Montse have, like...something going on?"

If Rafael had stiffened, one would've had to have been watching very carefully. Despite the elevator door opening, neither man stepped inside. "Absolutely _not_ ," Rafael answered a few minutes later.

"Are you sure?" Sonny knew he was getting himself into a dangerous position. "I'm not trying to pry but...I don't think I've ever seen you this…" his hand gestured to Rafael's current state as a point, "...yeah…"

"I don't appreciate this assumption, Carisi. Conversation's over," Rafael turned for the elevator, though not without giving Sonny a look indicating he was not to follow.

"Running away though…" Sonny couldn't help say just before the elevator door slid shut. He smiled to himself. Kara would love hearing this one.

~ 0 ~

There were some people Montserrat could avoid, like Rafael, but there were others that she couldn't. Those would include your boss, and since Montserrat hadn't transferred yet nor quit, she still had to follow Olivia's orders.

Right now the order was to go to Olivia's office.

Now Olivia had thought about this whole transfer thing ever since Rafael explained it to her and the others. She wanted to have the right words to say to Montserrat, but she feared that even with all her thinking and caution she would still come up short.

"Close the door, Montse," she instructed when the detective poked her head inside. "You left the courthouse pretty quick."

A low snort slipped through Montserrat's mouth. "Did you expect anything less?"

Olivia dismissed Montserrat's snap for the greater cause. "I understand you're upset-"

"-that's not the word I'd use but sure," Montserrat took the seat across the desk. "And look, whatever you want to say about it...I'd rather you didn't."

"Well, as your boss, I sort of have to talk about it," Olivia brought her hands together over the desk. "Because if you're transferring, it means I'll have to start looking for your replacement."

Montserrat knew that was true. She crossed her arms while Olivia asked the dire question.

" _Are_ you transferring?"

"...I don't know," Montserrat answered honestly. "God, that's why I specifically told Rafael not to say anything. I'm not sure what I want to do!"

"Well, can I ask why you want to transfer?"

"Honestly?" Montserrat leaned closer to the desk to look Olivia in the eyes. "Because of what you said."

Olivia blinked in shock. "What I said? What did I say?"

"You reminded me that I work at SVU where it's my job to help victims come forwards. How could I work here when I myself am not coming forward?"

Olivia's mouth opened several times, but each time that she did the words didn't come out. She felt a rush of guilt, though. She was the cause of all this mess?

"I'm not blaming you, Liv," Montserrat said once she caught Olivia's reactions. "It just sort of made me think."

"That...that was not my intention, Montse," Olivia shook her head. "I...I only meant that working here should be an inspiration to you. In no way did I ever mean that you shouldn't work here. Every victim handles their pain in a different way."

Montserrat paused to let the 'victim' part sink in. She never called herself that, and for some reason it didn't feel right. Perhaps it was because it brought back the memories she wanted to forget forever. "I'm just not sure what I'm doing, Liv. And it definitely doesn't help when the squad keeps giving me these looks."

"They're just confused about what's going on," Olivia said.

"Well I'm not explaining to them why I'd like to transfer," Montserrat frowned. "I just wish Rafael had kept his mouth shut like I asked him to. At least then I'd be able to think without pressure."

"There's no pressure from my end, Montserrat," Olivia clarified. "You can take as much time as you need to think about this. But, if I may, I think transferring out of the squad isn't the answer. It's really more of a way to run away."

Montserrat sighed. "I know. But I really have no idea what I'm doing here. I'd just like to see my options."

"That's fair," nodded Olivia. "And again, if you need to talk again…"

"Thanks," Montserrat smiled weakly. She pushed herself up from her chair and headed for the door, only stopping when Olivia called.

"And you know, for what it's worth, Rafael really is very sorry about it," Olivia's smile was an odd one, a knowing one, and it made Montserrat's face warm up.

"...good for him," Montserrat said quietly before leaving the office.

~ 0 ~

Kara lowered her newspaper to reveal a scrunched up, disgusted face. "This can't be true, is it?"

Montserrat, who sat on the other couch with her laptop, briefly looked up from her screen to see the headline being one of Jimmy MacArthur. Her eyes rolling was now an automatic response whenever it came to that man. "Course not. I don't know why you're reading that trash."

"Well, since you haven't gone back to the courthouse anymore, where else am I supposed to get my information?" she turned the page of her newspaper. "Sonny only tells me so much."

"It's all trash, okay? Heba's saying the truth, the men are not. Shocker," Montserrat's curtness was honestly getting tiring for Kara.

"Can't help but feel like you're saying that due to someone…" Kara briefly smiled but Montserrat outright ignored her in favor of her computer.

Even when someone knocked on their door, Montserrat continued like nothing. Kara rolled her eyes and got up to go answer. She was relieved to find Sonny on the other side, because she was dying without conversation from Montserrat.

"I thought you might like some dinner," Sonny raised the take out bags in his hands. "And I bought for three," he said as he eyed the back of Montserrat's head. The ginger wasn't really giving him the time of day.

"I'm good, thanks," she at least muttered a few seconds later.

"Thanks Sonny, we appreciate it," Kara threw a disapproving look in Montserrat's way, but the ginger missed it.

As Kara brought the bags to the kitchen table, Sonny made his way up to the back of Montserrat's seat and was able to see her computer screen. "Those are the transfer openings then?"

Montserrat instinctively shut her laptop and looked up at the man with a frown. "You know, being nosy is exactly how Rafael got on my bad side. You want to follow? Cos I definitely have more to scream."

Sonny made a face but raised his hands to show he came in peace. From the kitchen, Kara called out to Montserrat. "Don't be mean to my boyfriend just because you're mad with yours!"

Montserrat sucked in a deep breath while her fingers did some sort of dance in the air, as if she were getting ready to strangle someone. However, that didn't stop Kara from continuing on with her game. She came back to the living room with a Chinese take-out box for herself and Sonny.

"This entire thing is ridiculous," Kara planted herself next to Sonny. "And because of it, I'm paying for it right here."

"And us at work," Sonny decided to add.

Montserrat merely opened her laptop again. "Maybe keep your mouths shut, then."

"Look Montse, it does seem like Rafael made an honest mistake," Sonny said, and would go on despite the glare Montserrat was fixating on him. "He's sorry-"

"-that's what everyone says but I just don't buy it!" she snapped. "He always knows what to say and you honestly expect me to believe he didn't tell you guys about the transfer on purpose?"

"What would he gain, Montse?" Sonny asked ever-so-calmly, because the moment he argued he would lose her.

"Her presence," they heard Kara mumble before taking in some rice. Sonny elbowed her on the side. "What!?"

Montserrat shook her head. "He's just so frustrating!"

"Funny, that's what he said about you too," Sonny said.

"Well he is!" Montserrat scowled. "I asked him not to say anything and what does he do? And then he won't leave me alone! God, it's like I'm literally saying I'll strangle him and yet he keeps coming back!"

"He's trying to apologize, Montse," Sonny pointed out, not that she cared for at the moment. "And to be fair, if he hadn't apologized you would be mad about that too." See there, Montserrat had to stay quiet because she knew that he was right. If Rafael hadn't at least attempted to apologize, she'd be furious too. "But even though he's actually doing it, you reject it. And that's frustrating too, according to him."

Kara groaned loudly and settled an irritated look at the two of them. "You two are idiots," she first announced then placed her take-out box on the coffee table. "And you two-" she pointed at Montserrat, indicating she was now talking about her and Rafael, "-are also idiots. Do you know _why_ you're so frustrated with him? And why he's so frustrated with you? It's _tension_! It's all pent-up tension that won't disappear until you two get a room. _Literally_!"

It was scary how quiet Montserrat was when she slammed her laptop shut again. Sonny expected an explosion of some sort, but instead Montserrat just glared at her roommate. Perhaps it was just another thing that proved Kara was right.

"You're not funny."

" _Good_ , I wasn't trying to be," Kara completely missed the part where she should take it slowly. "You two are grown adults. You're at that point in your life where it's okay to have a one night stand. And I _know_ that you've thought about it too."

Now Sonny _really_ waited for that explosion. He even shut his eyes for it.

But once again, Montserrat was eerily silent. It was a terrifying silence. "Stop saying stupid stuff," she said slowly.

"Bet you can't say that 10 times fast."

The noise Montserrat made afterwards was not pretty. She got up from her seat, almost jumped up, to argue. "You're not helping me, Kara! God, I'm so confused and instead of being my best friend and helping me you're out here saying stupid things!"

"Oh sweetie," Kara shook her head. "I _am_ helping you, but you're not listening. What is it? You've had boyfriends before-"

Montserrat visibly shook with anger. Her body actually trembled with the fury she felt. For a second, Sonny feared for Kara's life. "-would you stop saying that!? I'm not interested in relationships so just drop it!" She grabbed her laptop and storm towards her bedroom.

Once the door slammed, Sonny felt free (and safe) to talk. "Do you really think that's the way to help her?"

Kara shrugged, clearly not feeling the least bit guilty. She grabbed her takeout box and continued to eat like nothing. "When you've known Montserrat for as long as I have, you get to know what ways work best. And I am telling you that she has some feelings she needs to work out. Poor woman is going to lose it if she doesn't do something."

"Are you sure that's the case here?"

Kara paused just as she was about to deliver more rice to her mouth. Her eyes studied Sonny's face for a full minute, and the strength of it actually made Sonny squirm. "What do you know, Dominick?"

His actual name. That's how he knew she was completely serious and it was the type of seriousness that usually got him in trouble. "Nothing…"

"Mhm, try again. Is it about this problem?"

"...maybe…"

"Spill," Kara pointed at him.

"I...agree with you," Sonny raised a finger to make sure she didn't get ahead of yourself. "I spoke to Rafael and he pretty much said the same as Montse. I think, like her, he's...sort of in denial."

A sarcastic, soft smile spread across Kara's face. "Oh sweetie, it took you that long? Maybe _I_ should be the detective."

Sonny rolled his eyes at her. "I do believe he's sorry about the secret. He didn't mean to do it."

"Oh, I believe that _he_ believes he didn't mean to do it."

Sonny now was the one to give Kara a look. "What?"

Kara made a low noise. "Seriously, just give me your badge right now. I believe that Rafael believes he didn't mean to spill about Montserrat's transfer. However, I think he subconsciously did it on purpose."

Sonny stared at her as if she were going to say it was a joke but when she didn't, he shook his head at her and frowned. "Wait, what!?"

"I think he was so upset that, somewhere deep down, he told you guys as a cry for help." Kara said it so simply as if this were something so obvious it should've been noticed way earlier. "He doesn't strike me as the type to openly say 'help me'."

"I...will give you that one," Sonny had to concede. Maybe Kara was right. Rafael would never openly ask for help if it dealt with Montserrat. A few days ago it took Rafael a whole story just to get him to find Montserrat for him.

Kara started smirking suddenly. "But maybe we can help them out."

"See, _I_ know you're trying to help but I think-"

"Shh!" Kara waved a hand for him to be quiet. "You talk to Rafael and tell him exactly what I said, but, you know, make it sound like it came from your brain and not mine. I think it would piss him off if he knew we talked about him."

"He already knows you talk about him."

Kara glared at Sonny. "Seriously, maybe just become a lawyer already and give me your badge."

"I don't see how we could help, Kara. They're both in denial and, honestly, Montserrat is way too angry to listen even if Rafael decided to try to talk to her again."

"And I guess I have to give you that," Kara sighed. "But still, maybe if you make him realize what he did, it could help in some way. It's better than doing nothing, right?"

"I...guess…" Sonny was now mentally preparing himself for a shouting from his dear colleague.

"And I'd get it done preferably before this weekend as it is Montse's birthday."

~ 0 ~

The first thing Dr. Weslin noticed about her patient was the relentless picking of the fingernails. Montserrat's nervous habits were back in town and this time it seemed like things were worse. So, Montserrat told Weslin about everything. It was done in a series of rambles only interrupted by Weslin asking her to calm down.

"So, you're angry…" Weslin purposely trailed off as she saw Montserrat immediately opening her mouth to argue the contrary.

"I'm not angry I'm…" but Montserrat had trouble putting her thoughts into actual words. After all the screaming she'd done, she didn't know where her thoughts were. "I'm upset that Rafael told everyone but then at the same time I'm...relieved? If that makes sense?"

"You certainly have the floor to explain," Weslin reminded.

"Everyone thinks I'm pissed because Rafael spilled my secret but...I think I may be mad at myself that...I wasn't brave enough to do it myself. And, you know, maybe it hasn't helped that I've been yelling at everyone that I'm angry with Rafael but...you know." Montserrat brought her hands to her curly hair. "I'm a mess and anyone who comes in contact with me...God help them."

"You're confused, which is completely understandable," Weslin said as a means to lessen Montserrat's stress. "And I think your friends might understand you better if you put an effort into less screaming and more talking."

"Easier said than done, especially when people just outright frustrate you," Montserrat pursed her lips. "Kara, my best friend, seems to have it in her head that the reason I'm specifically so upset with Rafael is because I...because...because there are some feelings in the mix."

Weslin took that admission as something noteworthy. It was rare when Montserrat talked about personal relationships. She'd been seeing Montserrat for almost a full year now and it was only _now_ that Montserrat even _mentioned_ something romantic-related. The fact Montserrat was choosing now to start was a small milestone for her, indicating that - somewhere deep inside - Montserrat was getting ready to start even considering relationships.

"And what was your reaction to this idea?" asked Weslin.

"Well I first snapped at Kara," Montserrat said quickly but after getting a look from Weslin she took it more serious and expanded. "I mean…" she closed her mouth and tilted her head to one side, "Okay, Rafael is attractive _but_ that's it. I don't think I'm ready for any of that stuff. And I most certainly do not like the fact Kara uses this idea every time I have a problem with him."

"Okay," Weslin nodded. "But you can't also be so defensive about it either. Sit down with Kara and explain to her that you simply do not have those feelings she claims you have."

"Well...yeah…that would...be the obvious choice..." Montserrat looked unsure and Weslin dared to think this whole 'idea' of Kara's might not be entirely wrong.

" _But_ …?"

Montserrat seemed to have caught herself and shook her head. She straightened herself up in her seat and shrugged. "Nothing. I just need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do about this transfer thing."

"May I make a suggestion?"

Montserrat nodded.

"Try to imagine a work-space without your current co-workers. Imagine yourself a new partner, a new boss, a new ADA. And then think if you would be happier there...or in SVU."

Montserrat nodded again with the intention of following through with it. All she'd done so far was only search for new openings in different divisions, but she'd never actually sat down and really thought about what a new workplace would be like. Would her co-workers be like what she now had in SVU? Would they like her? Treat her nice? Or would they treat her as a rookie? Someone who didn't have a place?

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

What do yall think Montse's going to do? Curious here ;)


	21. Birthday Blues

While things with Heba's case had died down, though not with a good ending, SVU gradually seemed to fall back into its normal routine that week. There was only one thing that was still up in the air for everyone to see.

Montserrat was on her way out of the bullpen while Rafael was coming in. He walked on like nothing, but despite his efforts he came to a stop anyways. He had fresh new thoughts thanks to one Carisi who, for some reason, had gotten the idea that he, somewhere along the way, had developed some feelings for Montserrat. Rafael thought that was probably the moment he'd ever felt such anger towards one person. Needless to say, he'd thrown Carisi out of his office with the threat that he never say such ridiculous things in his face again.

That had been this morning. It was lunch time now which had given him some time to think about Carisi's words, no matter how uncomfortable it made him.

"Montserrat?" Rafael had gone back to the hallway and stopped the ginger detective halfway towards the elevator. She turned back and, for the first time that week, she didn't look like she would kill him on the spot. "I know you're not speaking to me but...I just need to say that I'm sorry. Again. I'm _really_ sorry. I was never owed any of your secrets and...I still screwed up."

Montserrat could see immediate differences between now and then. She had finally managed to control her feelings, all of her anger. Before today, she was furious beyond belief. If this was still before, she wouldn't have heard Rafael out - she'd probably curse him and then leave. But that hadn't been getting her anywhere expect fueling more rage. For her sake - and for the sake of her blood pressure - she _needed_ to calm down. After all, like she once admitted to her therapist, Rafael accidentally letting her secret out took away the fear of having to do it herself. She hadn't been brave enough to tell the squad of her plans.

And now, with a clearer mind, she could straight away see the guilt on Rafael's face.

"I know," Montserrat said quietly, even nodding her head to show she'd heard him loud and clear. The mere fact she'd listened was already surprising for Rafael. "And I'm sorry it took me this long to understand."

Rafael gave her an uneasy look. She was acting too strange, too...180. "... you're not upset anymore?"

"I mean, I am but…" Montserrat drew in a deep breath and sighed, "I'm... I'm leaving for Brooklyn," she instead said, now truly surprising Rafael. "I'm visiting their Homicide division for a few days. I think it's a good idea to put some space between me and everything here."

"Right," Rafael agreed, although he wasn't sure why he would. He didn't like it.

"I should be back on Friday."

"Your birthday?"

There was visible dislike for that reminder. "Friday," Montserrat reiterated. She offered him one small smile then turned to leave.

There was a feeling in the pit of Rafael's stomach that warned him that even if Montserrat returned, things would not be the same as before.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat packed light, after all she was only going to be gone for two days. She argued with Kara probably during all her packing and preparation time.

Kara was relentless that Montserrat was running away from problems. And she was not quiet about it either. "Montserrat Irene Novak, this is the most childish thing you have ever done!"

Montserrat scoffed after shoving in a blouse enter suitcase. "Really? Going to observe a different division is childish?"

"When you're doing it to avoid facing reality, uh, yeah it is!"

Montserrat rolled her eyes and continued moving around her room to get the last of her things into a suitcase. "I promise you, Kara, that I am not running away. I really think some space is what I need to clear my head and maybe get rid of any lingering anger I have. Hell, I think it might even be good for _us_ to have some space. We might end up killing each other."

"I think you're doing things wrong," Kara folded her arms. "And it is kind of scaring me because I've never seen you act like this before."

Okay, that one Montserrat would give to Kara. She was confused herself why she needed to do all this just to be okay again. But, the point was, that she needed to do this.

"It'll just be for a few days and then I'll be back," Montserrat said with a cheery smile.

"Well, what if you end up liking it there?" Kara frowned for a second. "And you don't want to come back."

Montserrat thought about that possibility and could only shrugged. "Then I like it."

"Montserrat!" Kara whined.

"What?" Montserrat laughed for a bit. "Kara, you and I were supposed to be only temporary roommates, remember? I was supposed to find my own place eventually."

"Well, yeah, but…" Kara shifted on her feet, looking more like a child than an adult right now. "You're my best friend. It's kind of fun living with you."

"Thanks," Montserrat offered the woman a smile. "But I just have to go. I'm sorry."

Kara saw there wasn't no point in arguing with her. She'd made her choice to go, but it didn't mean Kara would stop hoping Montserrat hated the place.

~0~

Two steps into the Brooklyn Homicide bullpen and everyone already knew who Montserrat was. She felt bombarded with all the "hello's" she got as soon as she walked in. There was a moment where Montserrat felt overwhelmed enough to turn around and leave.

"Miss Novak," a tall, older man emerged from the Captain's office. He was already gray on the head but he had piercing green eyes that looked like they could catch anything wrong in a second. "You made it. And I see that my squad has already given you a vibe of our dynamic."

"Uuh, yeah," Montserrat couldn't come up with anything to actually say right now. She didn't like being the center of attention from strangers.

"Captain Delisle," the man held a hand to shake with Montserrat. She smiled and shook hands.

"Montserrat Novak. Van I ask how everyone knew who I was before they even saw me?"

"Simple, you're the only redhead we know in the building," one of the detectives answered from their desk. Montserrat turned to give a strange look, making the man laugh. "Kidding. We know your cousin? ADA Novak? You guys got the same hair."

"Oh," Montserrat didn't know if that was worse or better than the former explanation.

"Alright, Detective Novak is here to observe how we run things in this precinct so let's make a good impression," the Captain said. "Novak, if you'd stay you'd be Mulvoy's partner," he directed her towards a man who'd risen from his desk at the call of his name.

"Jake Mulvoy," the detective introduced himself as he crossed through the desks to shake hands with Montserrat.

"Montserrat," she smiled politely. He looked nice enough, though there wasn't that playfulness Sonny seemed to naturally carry.

"Please treat Montserrat well as she visits us. She might become one of ours by the end of the week," Delisle said playfully then spoke to Montserrat. "We can talk at the end of the day to see how you like it here and discuss other things."

Montserrat nodded and was freed to mingle through the bullpen. She got to know the rest of the detectives, which she immediately could tell would not be like her SVU squad. For one, Detective Miranda Kim was, to put it in simple terms, was a downright bitch. It appeared that Mulvoy's previous partner was Kim's best friend who was transferred to a different department. In Kim's eyes, Montserrat was there to replace her best friend.

 _Great_.

Detective Xavier Lance, Kim's partner, was a somewhat better person. He was tall, had a charming smile, and was kind to newcomers. He lamented their old detective's transfer but was excited for the prospect of a new co-worker. He kind of reminded Montserrat of Nick, except that Lance could be a bit more snippy once you started asking questions about their specific cases. It was as if Lance thought Montserrat was there to steal the cases they were already working on.

"Don't worry about them," Detective Connor Shein brought Montserrat to his desk. He wasn't as tall as Lance but he was still taller than Montserrat. He had nice blue eyes and rather shaggy brown hair. "They're a little more on the reserved side. But they're good detectives."

His partner, Detective Paulina Quell, was a smiley blonde woman that made Montserrat instantly think of Amanda. The only difference was Paulina was taller. And no accent. She came to stand beside Montserrat and placed a gentle hand on Montserrat's arm. "Yeah, if you stay they'll warm up to you."

"Would you like to see some of our cases right now?" Shein asked Montserrat and gestured to the files sitting on his and Quell's desks.

"Sure," Montserrat gave a nod. "It'll almost be like a trip down memory lane since I used to work homicide back in Queens."

"You did?" Mulvoy suddenly asked then exchanged looks with Shein and Quell stopping to glance at each other then to look at the ginger.

"You've been around then," chuckled Quell. "Homicide and SVU? Which one do you like better? If that's not a weird question…"

"Well, they each have their own things," admitted Montserrat. "Homicide you don't know how to deal with live victims which saves you a lot of sleepless nights and standoffs with the victims and their families. But SVU gives a little bit more of a satisfaction because when you do get the victims' culprit, you got the satisfaction of knowing that you got the guy and you made justice for someone who's alive to see it." And as Montserrat said these words, she grew distant with thoughts. SVU, however challenging at times, always brought a different type of satisfaction when they were able to put the culprit away because more than often the victim was still alive to see it happen. They could see the impact they made on the victim. Homicide didn't offer that.

"Do you mind if we ask you why you're thinking about transferring here?" Shein asked quietly. "I mean, you've started making a name for yourself back in Manhattan."

"I have?" blinked Montserrat. That's the first time she heard any of that.

"Yeah, you and SVU as a whole. You guys are pretty good at what you do over there," Quell said and had the agreeing nods from the other two detectives. "I mean, don't get us wrong, we would love to have you on board with us but we're just a little curious why you would want to leave that department that's doing so well?"

"Fair question," Monsterrat nodded. "It's just personal reasons. Um, just wanting to see if Homicide is my true calling." Well, she couldn't very well say the truth here could she? Still, the answer was deemed good enough for the two detectives.

For the rest of the day, Montserrat spent her time going through cases with Mulvoy, Quell and Shein, featuring remarks from Lance but absolutely nothing from Kim. She got to know a few of the officers lingering in the office, and most importantly she began to get the feel of the squad as a whole.

"So, how do you like it here?" Captain Delisle asked once they were both seated in his office.

"It's different than what I'm used to now," Montserrat began with, considering it was the easiest things you could say that didn't involve a lie.

"I'm sure it is," Delisle nodded. "I've talked to your sergeant and she doesn't seem like she wants to let you go. But that didn't stop her from giving me good remarks about you."

"Olivia's very kind," Montserrat said with a small smile. "Too kind."

"May I ask why you're looking to transfer?"

If Montserrat was score how many times she'd been asked that question today, she'd probably lose count. It was a fair question, she knew, but it didn't mean she wanted to keep hearing it. It involved a lot of things she couldn't (and didn't) want to talk about.

"I used to do Homicide," Montserrat began with what Delisle probably already knew, "And it was hard, sometimes, to see what we had. The corpses. The way they died. But sometimes, SVU is a little harder. We typically have live victims and...hearing what they've gone through…"

"It's tough," Delisle nodded. "But someone's gotta do it, right?"

Montserrat took those words more to heart than she planned to. "...yeah…" She felt her phone buzz inside her pocket but didn't get it right away.

"Well, we'll see you tomorrow then. Hopefully by then you'll have made your decision regarding where you want to be," Delisle got up to shake hands with her then led her out the door.

As Montserrat checked her phone, Detectives' Mulvoy, Shein and Quell called to her from their desks.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Mulvoy's question didn't register for the first few seconds as Montserrat had focused too much on her phone.

A smile came to her face after checking the new text message she'd received from Rafael.

 _If you haven't already had dinner, try Morgan's Barbecue. I think you might like. Your type of food I..._

"Hey, Novak?" Quell's voice finally broke through Montserrat's concentration.

The ginger looked up from her phone with blinking eyes. "I'm sorry?"

Quell only chuckled. "We were just wondering how'd it go with the Captain."

"Oh, it's fine. I'll be back tomorrow to keep observing. Thank you for letting me do that, by the way. I know it's probably annoying to have some newbie looking over your shoulder."

"Nah, it's fine," Shein assured. "Better to know what you're getting into before you put in your papers."

Montserrat nodded. She looked down at her phone for a quick second then smiled. "Would either of you know where Morgan's Barbecue is?"

~0~

As much as they offered, Montserrat reassured the Homicide detectives that she was fine eating dinner on her own. She was tired anyways so she wasn't sure if she'd even eat inside or just do take out in her hotel.

She had to admit the restaurant was nice, though. Its lights were dim to give it a nightly look, but gave off a relaxing atmosphere from the moment one stepped inside. When Montserrat saw bar right on the side, she immediately pictured Rafael coming in at least four times a week. The stock looked pretty full...and good.

She eventually found herself drifting towards the bar counter after having enough of looking around. From there, she looked at the menu and, to her delight, found that there was indeed many barbecue options. After ordering, she started going through the wine selection and was surprised to see so many options. They seemed to have a lot on whiskey so of course Rafael would know the place.

"Now I know why you came here," she mumbled her thought about Rafael. He could get over the barbecue because of what was at the bar. She was so focused on choosing a drink, she didn't notice someone taking a seat beside her.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Montserrat, of course, flinched and looked up from the menu to find a blonde sitting next to her stool. "Me?"

The man nodded. "Who else? You're the only pretty redhead in this place."

Montserrat cleared her throat and offered one polite smile. "Thanks, but...no thanks."

"Are you waiting for someone?"

"No, but I'm not interested. I've got...things going on." What things Montserrat spoke about she had no idea, but neither did the man anyways.

"I'm James," the man first introduced himself, giving Montserrat the indication he was not leaving soon. "I come here every week, so believe me I know the best drinks here."

"Well, my friend probably came here everyday so I'll just go with his recommendations, thank you," she smiled ever-so-politely as she got up from her stool and picked up her menu and bag, "And just so we're clear, this is my definite _no_. Don't need to show you my SVU badge, do I?" her snappiness came as a surprise to James but she didn't stop to see his full reaction as she stormed off to take a seat at the very end of the bar.

Okay, maybe she shouldn't have been that snappy since the man hadn't really done anything except ignore her first 'no'.

One of the bartenders, a woman who looked just a bit older than Montserrat, stopped by Montserrat's new seat to chuckle. Montserrat could see the name 'Elise' written on the bartender's name tag. "Nice one. I don't see a lot of snippy women around here. It's like they're too scared of being mean or something."

"Well, I'm a bit guilty right now, so…" Montserrat admitted.

"Oh don't be," Elise waved a hand to the side. "That guy's in here every night trying to pick up women. And let me tell you-" she leaned an elbow on the counter, "-that he is not interested in _dating_ , if you know what I mean."

"Oh, well in that case, screw him," Montserrat nodded, making the bartender chuckle.

Elise gave an approving nod of her head. "What can I get you, then?"

"Honestly," Montserrat put a hand over the closed menu on the counter, "I have no idea. I'm from Manhattan and, really, the only reason I'm here is because a friend who used to live here in Brooklyn told me I should come here. Though now that I think more about it, I assume he only ever came for drinks than actual dinner. Rafael's more of a eat-while-on-the-job guy than actual breakfast, lunch and dinner."

Elise seemed to pause for a second, something Montserrat caught but wasn't sure how to ask about it. Luckily, Elise spoke up after a few seconds of pondering. "You wouldn't happen to be talking about Rafael Barba, would you?"

Montserrat blinked, and somehow nodded slightly. "...yeah...how did you…?"

Elise smiled at the woman's confusion. "You said SVU before and then Manhattan, plus what you mentioned about a friend living in Brooklyn? The name was just a bonus."

"Wow, maybe you're the detective in this conversation," Montserrat tilted her head, honestly impressed by the woman.

Elise laughed for a moment, but Montserrat seemed dead serious which just made Elise laugh even more. "Okay, you're definitely his type."

Instead of snapping like she usually tended to, Montserrat quietly sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm not…" she didn't even bother with the same response. She opened her eyes and came at it from another way. "Can I ask you something?" Elise nodded her head, not quite sure what was happening. "I literally said 'friends' like two or three times so... _why_ would you say something like that to me?"

"What - the being his type thing?" Elise asked and Montserrat nodded. "Rafael used to come here every night, literally every night, when he worked for the Brooklyn DA's office. So believe me when I tell you I know him very well."

"Were you and him…?" Montserrat found herself asking and when she realized it, she felt a warmth on her face. "Sorry. Didn't mean to ask that…"

Elise just smiled again. "Nah. We just really bonded over what drinks were the best. Though due to his profession I lost almost every argument."

"He's snippy but not impossible to win, believe me," Montserrat said all too proudly. "I've won a few."

"I believe that based on how you got rid of that guy earlier," Elise smirked. "I told Rafael he'd meet his match sooner or later. Too bad it's not yet happened, huh?"

Montserrat was more pensive than she would've liked to be. As Elise recommended some of the drinks she thought were good, Montserrat's head was somewhere else - more specifically on someone else.

~ 0 ~

"Okay, just, please change if you get a stain or something," Kara trailed after Sonny into the bullpen, ignoring his looks for her to stop talking and the others' amused smiles.

Sonny went straight to his desk and plopped down, but that didn't stop Kara either. She was a woman with a plan today and she was getting things done. "And you said you'd be out by 7:00, right?"

"I guess," Sonny shrugged.

"What's going on, Carisi?" Amanda just couldn't stop smiling at the pair. "You had lunch for an hour, what could you possibly have done in that hour?"

"Nothing," Sonny scowled, and thankfully Kara was still there to clarify.

"I'm just making sure everything's good for Montse's birthday," the woman smiled excitedly.

"Oh right, that's today," Amanda looked to Fin and Nick, all three realizing it was indeed Montserrat's birthday today.

"Yup! And I'm expecting everyone at eight o'clock today. It's Montse's favorite restaurant," Kara wagged a finger at them as if she were speaking with children.

"Yeah, but, Montserrat's still away in Brooklyn," Nick thought Kara needed a reminder since the woman was probably going detail-crazy. "What if she's not back today?"

"She said she would be," Kara shrugged. "I don't think she needs more than 2 days to realize Brooklyn ain't happening."

"How are you so sure?" asked Fin.

"Because I'm Montse's best friend and I know she's not going to stay in Brooklyn," Kara seemed very sure of herself they almost believed it. "So-" she clapped her hands together, "-we're all set for eight, right?"

"Set for what?" Olivia asked as she'd only caught the last part of Kara's question.

Kara looked back to see her and Rafael coming into the bullpen. She grinned, though, because now she had all of them in one place. "Montserrat's birthday, remember?"

The two in question looked at each other then nodded.

"Yes, what about it?" Rafael was the one to ask.

"What do you mean?" Kara raised an eyebrow. "It's today."

"Yes, and she asked us, many times, not to celebrate it," Rafael reminded her, looking pretty serious in that he'd be following the request.

"But that's what everyone says," Kara rolled her eyes.

"But she means it," Olivia said, internally sighing because she knew without a proper explanation Kara would never give up this birthday party. "And that's what Rafael and I are going to do."

"You're not coming?" Kara's face fell but was quickly replaced with offence. "Neither of you?"

The two shook their heads. Behind Kara, the rest of the squad exchanged confused looks amongst each other.

"It's what Montserrat wanted," Rafael reminded once again but with a touch more annoyed.

"Oh of course you're going to listen to her," Kara waved him off. "You still want to get into her good graces."

"I decided that a long time ago. I don't need your incessant shouting for us to do something Montserrat specifically asked us not to."

Seeing Kara getting actually mad, Sonny shot up from his seat with the intention of removing the stressor - which in this case, unfortunately, was his girlfriend. "Kara, let me take you to your car."

"Fine," Kara said and only because she was on a tight schedule. She let Sonny walk her towards the exit but she stopped at Rafael's side. "But you and I both know that Montserrat would want you to come. And you want to be there anyways."

The glare Rafael was giving Kara wasn't something anyone wanted to be caught under, but Kara just smirked and went on her way rather proudly.

Sonny mumbled a quick 'sorry' to Rafael as he followed Kara out into the hallway. Of course once they were out of hearing shot, he had a go with Kara. "You can't do stuff like that!"

Kara just rolled her eyes while she waited for the elevator to open. When they finally did, Sonny blocked the way inside with an arm.

"I'm serious, Kara. That wasn't okay!"

Kara's eyes flickered to the detective, getting annoyed by the second. "Let me go through, right now. I have plans I can't be late for." With a sigh, Sonny did but he followed her in. Kara pressed the down button then stepped back and allowed a heavy silence to fall on them for a couple seconds. "I'm not choosing to be an ass, you know."

Sonny still lightly sighed. "I didn't say that-"

"-no, but you're thinking it."

" _No_ ," Sonny said loudly for it to be clearly clarified. "I just disagree with how you're taking this whole...situation. I don't think it's your place-"

"-my best friend is in Brooklyn right now, thinking about staying to _live_ there!" Kara exclaimed and walked out the moment the elevator door opened again. "I have to do something and, unfortunately for Rafael, he's the only one I can think of who can stop Montse. And you know why, Sonny, stop pretending like those two are."

"Okay," Sonny put his hands on Kara's shoulders, hoping to calm her down before she left the building. Now that he saw where her mind was, he could help better. "You don't want Montse to leave and that's completely understandable. What's not going to work, however, is you harassing both Montse and Rafael. It's not going to end well and you know that."

"I'm desperate here!" Kara frowned. "I don't want her to leave, and much less run away from someone. Doesn't it feel like that?"

Sonny bobbed his head while he considered the idea. "On some level, sure, but...we can't be 100% sure about it. We'll just have to wait for Montserrat to come back and tell us her decision. In the meantime, let's just make sure she has a nice welcome back party."

"It's a birthday party," Kara pointed.

"Well she didn't want that so let's just call it a welcome back party or she might just hurt us."

"Good point," Kara nodded.

"So...we good…?"

Kara's smile said it all. "Yeah." She let him hug her tightly for a few minutes before it was time for her to really go.

~ 0 ~

"Just out of curiosity, will you be going to this party?" Rafael simply could not help himself with the matter. He watched Olivia drop her things at her desk and give him quite a look.

"I thought you were smarter than this," she said bluntly. "Of course not. I respect Montserrat's wishes and I wished everyone else did too." Now it was Rafael's to give her a look. She noticed it after sitting down. "What?"

Rafael tilted his head at her, continuing to stare at her until she shifted in her seat. "You know more than I do."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him, clearly not getting what he meant. "What?"

"You're the only one actually not going," Rafael continued with his words, letting Olivia wallow in confusion for the next minute, "And that can only mean you know exactly why Montserrat hates her birthday. Like Casey."

Olivia shook her head, doing that noise with her mouth that Rafael had come to learn was her 'You got me but I'm not admitting' noise.

"Casey's also not attending," he said for her sake. "What is it that made you and Casey so trustworthy that Montserrat decided to confide in only you two?"

Though Olivia would never openly admit that he was right, she did turn her gaze back on him. "Why do you sound so bothered by it?"

"No so much 'bothered' as I am tired of this same subject."

"Look, I cannot say anything except what you already know. And what we know is that this party will only hurt Montserrat, and us attending - just as everyone else - will only show that we don't care what she decided."

While that sounded logical, Rafael had to disagree. He didn't say it because there was no point. Olivia knew what he didn't, and no matter how much he asked her, she would never tell him because Montserrat wouldn't tell him.

But there was this idea of his that compelled him to do the opposite of what Olivia and Casey were planning. Sure, Montserrat would hate anyone who attended this godforsaken party, but if he, Olivia and Casey didn't go then she would be stuck with the clueless people who believed she wanted the party. At least if one of them went, they could help her out.

~ 0 ~

When Montserrat entered her apartment, it was a literal twenty minute hug-fest from Kara. Montserrat felt truly loved in that moment, as well as a little claustrophobic.

"I'm just so glad you're back!" Kara exclaimed as Montserrat was finally able to peel her off. "And happy birthday!"

As Kara went for another hug, Montserrat dove to the side and wheeled her suitcase towards the hallway. "Thanks, but...please don't."

"Oh c'mon, don't go to your room," Kara tailed after the ginger down the hallway. "Let's go out for some drinks. My treat."

"I'm not in the mood for it, Kara," Montserrat opened her bedroom door and walked in, along with Kara.

"But it'll be fun! And relaxing! Plus, you can tell me about Brooklyn. You can start with whether or not you'll be moving."

Montserrat sighed as she brought her suitcase to her bed. "I just...Kara, I've said this before over and over...I don't like my birthday. I'd really rather stay in my room."

"Well that's just depressing," Kara folded her arms over her chest. "And I'm not leaving until you say you'll get drinks with me."

"You're being extra childish today," Montserrat took notice. "Who pissed you off today?"

Kara would love to say it was her almost boyfriend but she knew if she did Montserrat would never agree to going out. "I'm a little upset you won't come out with me, that's all."

With another sigh, Montserrat turned to her roommate. "I'm sorry. I really did miss you, though."

A smile returned to Kara's face. "Then c'mon! Let's go out! Couple drinks and then we can come home."

Montserrat nearly rolled her eyes. She knew this 'drink night' was really Kara's surprise party that wasn't such a surprise. She did have to hand it to Kara in that she was persistent and thoughtful. She should be more grateful, she knew, but her birthday still felt...wrong. Like, what was she meant to celebrate? Her rapist was still out there, living his own life, while she had to switch jobs, move cities, make new friends.

 _But you did have some good times_ , she thought after a moment.

Yes, she did switch jobs but she did find SVU to be a good place. The city was okay too. And her new friends? Yeah, they were good too. She couldn't deny she hadn't been handed some good things this year but...it was hard to focus just on that when the bad was so...impacting.

"Montse?" Kara was now putting her hands together to plead. "Let's go out, yeah? For a little bit?"

"I'm going to regret this," Montserrat mumbled under her breath before agreeing.

Kara was ecstatic and, to Montserrat's surprise, she already had an outfit in mind for the night. Though after a moment, Montserrat realized she should've seen this coming. Still, she told herself to be prepared for this party and its livelihood she wasn't quite ready for.

~0~

Montserrat's mind raced the moment she stepped into the restaurant. Everyone screamed 'Surprise!' and while they cheered for her and wished her a happy birthday, Montserrat kept a tight smile on her face as she thanked each person. It shouldn't have been that hard considering these were people she liked. There was Sonny, Fin, Amanda, Nick...there was Madison and Caroline. Her father was even there, sans Gael and his daughters.

"Yeah they're still away on that seminar," Montserrat's father said after giving her a hug. "But he wishes you a happy birthday too."

"Thanks Dad," Montserrat said.

"How does it feel being 30 now?" he picked up his glass of bourbon from the table.

"Honestly, not that great," Montserrat knew that was as much as she could say without lying.

He didn't get it of course. "Yeah, I remember that one. But this doesn't mean you're old, sweetie. Just means a new chapter of your life is starting." Montserrat nodded, listening to his words but as seconds passed by she felt like she had to breathe harder. "Could be that this is the year you finally settle down…"

"Oh, Dad…" Montserrat knew this topic definitely wouldn't help her feel any better.

"I'd like some more grandkids, dear-"

Montserrat nearly choked on her saliva. A certain memory was popping into her mind and it was not letting her breathe easily. As her dad went on and on about new grandchildren, Montserrat started to feel like she was going to drown.

Eventually, she just couldn't do it. "Sorry Dad, I gotta go." She turned away and made a hasty stride for the entrance doors.

She practically shoved some people out of the way, ignoring their dirty looks, till she could see the doors. Her heart was racing and she honestly felt like if she didn't breathe in fresh air she would pass out.

 _Am I having an anxiety attack?_ Montserrat realized this was a possibility. It never really manifested past biting of nails but it certainly wasn't impossible. She had feared her birthday for months and now that it was finally here she was spiraling.

She practically slammed the doors behind her and leaned against them, breathing hard and fast but at least she was outside now. _Oh dear lord help me_. She closed her eyes for a moment and focused on just breathing.

"Montserrat?"

Montserrat nearly fell from the door - if that was even possible considering she'd been leaning against it - but got her balance in time. She saw Rafael cautiously approaching her, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with her. "You came…"

"Yes, and I know you didn't want this-" Rafael made a nod at the restaurant where they could hear the loud party going on, "-but I'm not here as a guest."

"You're not?" she leaned away from the door and looked him over. He wore a white collar shirt with a dark jacket and matching pants. "Because you're dressed like one."

"I could say the same about you," he countered with the same accusing time she used, only his came with a smirk.

Montserrat wore a sleeveless, tight, black dress that hugged her body and ended a bit above her knees. There was a golden necklace around her neck, bringing some attention to her plunging neckline. Her red lips didn't smile nor smirk like they usually would.

"It wasn't my choice," she frowned. "Kara had everything planned… _everything_."

"You don't look good…" he noted her nervousness, accompanied with a frantic glance at the restaurant.

"Yeah, I'm not," she didn't hesitate to confirm. "I'm, well…"

"Not good?"

"Yeah," she bit her lower lip. She awkwardly folded her arms over her chest. "I thought I could handle it but turns I can't and if I don't get out of here I'm going to lose it."

Even though it was a quick paced ramble, Rafael followed perfectly. "Do you want to go home? You know that's why I came. I may not know what's going on but I would like to help you."

Montserrat could appreciate that and she would take it. She glanced at the restaurant before deciding she really did need to go. "Let's have drinks. Somewhere away from here."

"Are you sure-"

"- _yes_ ," she said rapidly. "Let's go!"

Well, he wouldn't argue with that. She looked like she would chew someone's head off at the first chance she got and he was not putting himself on the line. Luckily for her, he was an expert at knowing places that had great drinks.

Once Montserrat was in the presence of a new, peaceful restaurant she seemed to be more like herself. "Thank you." Her gratitude was so quiet Rafael almost missed it.

"Of course."

The two had sat down at a particularly empty bar counter. They'd already ordered some drinks and were just waiting.

"So you came to this party to just...help?"

Rafael bobbed his head. "More or less. My logic was that I'd be the only one who knew you actually hated the damn party so I could actually help you out."

"Well thank you," Montserrat honestly said, and meant it too. Who knows where she could've ended up if he hadn't shown up. "I needed it."

The bartender passed by to hand out their drinks at the same time. Rafael picked his up first and with a light smirk on his face he said, "Not-so happy birthday to you."

Montserrat chuckled as she picked up her own drink to clink with his. "Sure."

"Thirty is an awful year."

"Really? You still remember yours?"

Rafael rolled his eyes. He took a drink from his glass then set it down to reach for something inside his jacket. "Even though it's not a wanted birthday, I hope you'll accept this."

Montserrat's eyes blinked when he set down a small rectangular black box on the counter. "Please tell me you didn't actually buy something…"

"My mother would kill me if I went to a birthday party without bringing a present," Rafael said and looked dead serious about it too.

"I gotta meet your mother some time," Montserrat smirked for a moment then looked down at the present again. "But, I mean, you shouldn't have. And I know that's what a lot of people say and don't mean it but in this case _I_ do. You shouldn't have because I said I didn't even want a birthday."

"But I'm happy you made it to another birthday. It's a small win but an important one nonetheless. And I don't know what your year was like before coming to Manhattan but I am glad you made it here."

Montserrat blushed against her better instinct. "Wow, didn't think you could say things like that." Rafael frowned for a moment, about to ask what she meant by that when she spoke up again, "... I'm staying at SVU." She rested her arms on either side of her drink.

The sweet smile on her face unintentionally reminded Rafael of the time, months ago, where they had drinks together after working their first case; though now Montserrat had shorter hair and was far more comfortable with him. Whether or not he'd wanted to, he ended up smiling as well.

"What made you decide that?"

"Honestly? It's just not the same as Manhattan," Montserrat shrugged. "Everyone's nice there, but...I like it here."

"I did say Brooklyn wasn't as nice as Manhattan," Rafael picked up his glass again to take a drink.

"Well, there were some things that...were good," Montserrat had a secret smile on her face that grew when she said, "I, uh, went to that restaurant you suggested and wouldn't you know it? I met your old friend, Elise."

Rafael choked on the alcohol in his mouth. "What?" came the scratchy voice a second later.

"Yeah," Montserrat started bobbing her head. "She remembered you and she had a _lot_ of stories to tell."

"Don't…"

"Should we start with June 2012? The day you-"

"-I said _don't_ , Montserrat," Rafael warned. Even the way he said her name had become sharp, but not at all terrifying. In fact, she started to laugh instead.

It didn't stop her from re-telling all the stories Elise had confided in her. And boy was there a few. With each story, it got harder for Montserrat to say it without laughing...until she just couldn't stop.

"And here I thought you went to Brooklyn for work," Rafael sourly said, side-glancing her laughing figure. He had to admit, however, that he preferred this Montserrat over the version he had earlier. She was happier, livelier...just her.

"I did, I did, but-" Montserrat couldn't help it. She just couldn't do it. She brought a hand up to her mouth to cover her laughter, but she to lean away to get all of it out.

"Happy birthday I guess," Rafael raised his glass to the air as if toasting before taking a last drink.

"Okay! Okay! Okay! I'm done! I promise!" she had to take in a deep breath in hopes of finally calming herself down. "Here, let's switch subjects." She raised her hands to show she was done, or at least that she was going to try and be done. She noticed his present was still sitting on the counter, unopened, and that just couldn't be. "I know what'll help."

"Will it though?" Rafael sent her a hard look that subsided once she smiled again. She really had a knack for that smiling thing. Her nose seemed to crinkle each time.

Montserrat ignored his snippy question, as well as his look, in favor of the present. When she took its lid off, she found a rose-gold necklace inside with a pendant in the shape of a ballerina. The ballet dancer was in a dance pose - one foot on the other leg - with her skirt outlined with silver stones.

"That is...beautiful," Montserrat gawked with widened eyes. "This could not have been a $20 gift."

"You are not guilt-tripping me for this," Rafael warned, but she could see he was shifting in his stool. She was right.

"I can't take this," she shook her head. "It had to have been expensive. I can't-"

"-well, you have to because I'm not taking it back," he looked her dead in the eyes and told her the same thing with them. "It's for you."

Montserrat opened her mouth as if to protest but...there wasn't much to do if he'd already decided against it.

"It's for you and your ballet dancing dreams." The fact Rafael still remembered that she'd once said she'd originally wanted to become a dancer was...it made her feel special.

She smiled so widely it could've cracked her face in two. "Can't believe you remember that."

"I remember everything you say," he said matter-of-factly then smiled for a brief moment, "Even when you're yelling it at me." She chuckled but gave that to him.

"Thank you," she said softly. She drew her hands to the back of her neck and unfastened the necklace she was already wearing. She put it down on the counter and gingerly picked up the new necklace.

"You need help?" Rafael asked her after watching her trying to put on the necklace on her own.

"Please," she said and handed him the necklace. "But don't break it. You break it, you buy it."

"Because I haven't already done that?" he got up from his seat like she did.

She turned away and raised her hair from her skin, giving him perfect access. As his hands moved forwards on each side of her neck, she could smell whiffs of his cologne. Each time she smelled it, she remembered she loved it. _Get ahold of yourself Montserrat_ , she berated herself. She always did this. Every time. Without fail. Like it was a-

Rafael's fingers had brushed along her skin. He hadn't meant to, of course, but it was impossible to avoid.

 _Oh Dear Lord_. Montserrat felt chills and she really wished she could stop acting like a teenage girl but it was _so_ difficult.

Putting a necklace on someone shouldn't be taking so long, but for some reason Rafael doddled with the task. He could smell Montserrat's perfume from where he stood and each time he did he felt like backing away was out of the question. He couldn't budge from his spot even when it was more than unprofessionally close to her. He'd never stand that close to, say, Olivia? Or Amanda?

But Montserrat was different. She always was. Whether it was her ability to keep up with his mouth or handle his snark, she always had something to throw back at him. It was like she had the perfect talent - the perfect ability - that allowed her to pull the right strings with him. And he _really_ liked it...but it was _really_ wrong. When his fingers touched her skin, he felt her flinch in surprise. Yet when he set the necklace on her and let his fingers stroke down her exposed skin, she didn't shy away from it.

Montserrat turned around to face him and let her hair fall back over her shoulders. "How does it look?" she asked, raising her head to give him a better view of her necklace, though Rafael could see a little more than just her neck.

"...good," he said, sounding like he needed more air. Even his nodding was off. Maybe Montserrat knew why, maybe she didn't...but she probably did. "We...should probably go," Rafael's suggestion went right over Montserrat's head.

"It's not that late, is it?" She stepped closer to him, if it was even possible, and brought her hands to his chest.

Rafael was pretty sure it wasn't late but that's not what he was going for. For someone who rarely felt nervousness, this was probably his worst case. She smelled absolutely delicious, and if he got into how she looked right now... _I'm losing it. How the hell am **I** losing it?_

Montserrat smiled sweetly and unknowingly answered his question. He watched her fingers stroke circles over his jacket, playing a wicked game with him. His hand suddenly snatched one of her wrists and after taking her second one, Montserrat thought enough was enough. She kissed him.

It was surprising but Rafael wasn't ready to pull away. Her lips tasted of alcohol and when he put his hands on her waist he discovered she was _curvy_. He wrapped his arms around her, unknowingly reminding Montserrat that, apart from his scent, she loved the feeling of his arms. It was probably the first thing she ever noticed about him. Back when she was his witness, 9 months pregnant, he'd caught her in a moment of imbalance. He was able to once again see the very light freckles under her eyes and she saw the flecks of brown in his green eyes. He was strong, and the way he held her made her feel...protected? She didn't know if that was the right description, but it was close enough. To have him back, like this, was even better.

The two seemed to find their fit with each other in a matter of seconds (which, if they'd been more in-tune with reality, they would've been surprised by). It could've been minutes of beautiful bliss if someone's cell phone hadn't gone off.

Rafael was in a daze as he got to his phone in his pocket. He wasn't even sure if he'd actually answered it but upon hearing Sonny's voice on the other end of the line, reality started settling again.

Montserrat watched him with more or less of the same daze in her eyes.

"Have I seen Montserrat?" he repeated what he was being asked. He saw Montserrat silently shake her head, almost looking like a plead. "No. I didn't even go." Rafael scrunched his face for a second, looking like he was getting irritated by the second. "I know what I said, Carisi, but I didn't! Go find her yourself!" he ended the call with that snap and turned away from Montserrat. He pressed his hands on the bar counter and leaned forwards, closing his eyes for a moment.

She knew the look on his face meant regret. And it _hurt_.

"I'm sorry, Montserrat," he apologized quietly. She opened her mouth to respond, but he cut her off before she could say anything, "It's unprofessional. And it's…" he leaned away from the bar counter and faced her once more. He looked her over, wishing nothing more than to have her all to himself.

But it wasn't right.

Least that's what he kept telling himself over and over.

Montserrat, being who she was, couldn't take his words without protest. "You can't tell me this after a kiss like that. You want me like I want you." The fact the words slipped through her lips so easily didn't even faze her at the moment. She'd need a few hours.

"Yes, but it's not-" Rafael forced himself to stop before he got more upset. He took a deep breath in and started again, though he knew he had to keep it short so that he could get the hell out of there without falling back. "It just wouldn't work. Your age, our jobs...the way we are with each other? It just can't."

Montserrat's eyes widened slightly at his words but only briefly before anger started settling across her face. That was the moment Rafael knew he had to leave. He knew if he faced her while she showed clear pain that _he_ caused, he would not be able to leave her. At least with anger he could tell himself she'd hate him and that'd be the end of that. If he was lucky, maybe it would work out that way.

Either way, he didn't know because he finally walked out.

He was right, though, because Montserrat only spent a few minutes with rage before anguish sought her.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Yeeeeeeah...I may have done that *insert innocent smile emoji here*

 **P. S** : I have created a **tumblr** **account** dedicated to my fanfic works! It's also a place where I thought anyone might want to comment about a story or even just talk! I'll probably drop some aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is " **noble-crescent** " and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.


	22. Repercussions

When Montserrat finally returned home, it was the morning after her birthday. By that point, many things had happened. She, for one, no longer wore her heels and had no desire to see anything but her bed. Kara, on the other hand, had gotten over her initial anger with Montserrat for leaving her birthday party unannounced. Course Montserrat didn't know that since she was just getting there.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in," Kara smiled in amusement as she let Montserrat into the apartment. "Doing her walk of shame, I'm assuming?"

"Shut up," Montserrat said, rubbing slightly at her temples. She threw her heels across the living room.

"Bet it's a lot harder to do when you forget your bag at your party, huh?" Kara folded her arms, outright ignoring the look of death Montserrat was sending her way. "Oh don't be looking angry with me. I'm enjoying this and you know what? I'm gonna enjoy this next part because serves you right."

Montserrat rolled her eyes, intending on shutting Kara out for the rest of the weekend until she heard a voice down the hall.

"Okay, seriously, you can't take up all the hot water like that, doll," Sonny emerged from the hallway, clearly wearing the same clothes he had the previous night which only led Montserrat to conclude he'd spent the night here. "Oh, Montse's come back," he said like nothing.

"Noooooo!" the ginger screwed her eyes shut.

Kara smirked. "Told yah!"

"Are you teasing her?" Sonny asked with a frown at the same time Montserrat once again yelled "no!" Sonny gave her a look. "Why are you screaming?"

"Are you seriously asking me that!?" Montserrat scowled. "You're here! From last night!"

"Well, yeah-"

"Shhhh!" she frantically wagged a finger at him. "If I don't see it! It's not real!"

"Oh, it was real," Kara said, walking by and dragging a hand across Sonny's back before smirking up at him. "And it was fantastic." Sonny couldn't help look proud of himself, really.

Montserrat loudly shivered. "Nope! I'm not seeing anything!"

Kara laughed. "Sorry girl, but if you got laid, so did I."

"Would you please stop saying that!" Montserrat turned away with another shiver. "Maybe if I'm lucky, the ground will just swallow me up right now."

"Okay Kara, I think she's suffered enough," Sonny said, though looked fairly amused himself.

"Yeah, alright. That's what she gets for skipping out on a party I planned for a _month_ ," Kara moved on and patted Montserrat's arm. "Least she got some action in the end." She made her way to the couch and after a moment so did Sonny.

"Oh my God," Montserrat shook her head. "I did not do anything, Kara. Gosh."

"Then where were you?"

"At Casey's."

"Casey's? What were you doing there?"

"Wallowing in pain." Montserrat blurted the words, still feeling said pain but with even more anger than the previous night. It was a struggle giving Casey some crappy excuse but luckily Casey hadn't asked a lot of questions.

It was then that Kara started noticing Montserrat's demeanor. She looked angry, but there were traces of misery. "Montse, what's wrong?" Montserrat tilted her head to the side, mouth completely shut for the moment. "Did something happen?"

"...you could say that," Montserrat's voice shook and that itself was rare.

Both Kara and Sonny exchanged glances with each other, with the latter believing Montserrat wouldn't talk if he was there.

"Maybe I should go," he resolved and started getting up when Montserrat called for him not to.

"Don't bother. I'm not going to ruin your morning."

"But someone obviously ruined yours," Kara's eyes looked her best friend over. "What happened?"

Montserrat passed a hand down her messy curls and heaved a heavy sigh. "Screw it." She could really use some support and she was sure that Kara would be a good candidate, as well as Sonny. Montserrat walked over to the couch and sat herself in-between Kara and Sonny, now wearing a big pout on her face. "So, as it turns out, you were right Kara."

Kara blinked. "I was? I mean, of course I was. But if you want to be more specific about what I was right about...you could." She looked over Montserrat's head to see Sonny and shrugged in confusion.

Montserrat's shoulders slumped as she sighed again. "I left your party to go have drinks with Rafael."

Kara's eyes blinked rapidly before a smile took over her face. "All is forgiven!"

"No!" Montserrat said flatly, putting a dent into the woman's growing excitement.

"Hey wait a minute," frowned Sonny, shifting on the couch to better face Montserrat, "I called him and he shouted at me that he didn't know where you were because he hadn't even come."

"He's a lawyer; he's a liar," Montserrat said pointedly. "I told him not to say anything."

"Why?" Kara asked.

"Because I wanted to avoid your schoolgirl squeals."

"Well...that's offensive."

"You want to know what's offensive? The _rejection_ I got." Yup, there was the bitterness starting to settle in. Montserrat ignored the looks she was getting because she needed to get this all out in the air once and for all. "He gave me a necklace-" she gestured to the ballerina necklace sitting around her neck.

Kara gawked at it. "Oh that's pretty!"

"Yeah, that's what I thought too. So I asked him if he could help me put it on…"

"Oh that's sneaky," chuckled Kara. "I do that too."

Now Sonny frowned at that admission. "Hey...you _do_. That's a trick!?" Kara's smirk was answer enough.

"I didn't mean it to be a trick," Montserrat clarified, getting more frustrated as she retold the story. Just thinking about the ending brought back the rage she felt but even more of despondence that came with it. "I was really only trying to put it on but then...then I don't know. I felt things. I turned around and he was just...he was just there and I...I couldn't help it. I kissed him."

"Go Montse," Kara nudged the ginger on her side.

"Yeah, and then he said it wouldn't work." Montserrat huffed. "It was unprofessional. There's an age difference, the way we behave with each other…"

"What?" came Kara's sharpened snap.

"Yeah!"

"The nerve!"

"Well," Sonny knew what he was getting himself into the moment he spoke up. Both women threw him similar looks. "I mean, a guy like Barba? Yeah. That was bound to happen."

"What?" frowned Montserrat. "He was ' _bound_ ' to reject me? I thought you two were hell-bent that we should get together-"

Sonny quickly raised his hands to show he came in peace. "No, wait a minute! That's not what I meant!"

"Then _what_ did you mean?"

Kara's face behind Montserrat was one warning Sonny to be careful.

"I was just saying that, being who Rafael is, he would say something like that. I never said he _meant_ it," Sonny visibly relaxed when he saw Montserrat's glare begin falter. "It's just his natural self to be cautious."

"What, so I'm going to ruin him and his career?" Montserrat's face contorted to offense. this conversation is not making her feel better, unlike what she thought it would.

"No, but maybe _he_ thinks it could ruin _yours_. Look, bottom line is, you're the only one who was there so you know if he meant whatever happened between you two."

"...when did you become my best friend?" Montserrat asked with a low chuckle. Sonny honestly couldn't answer that, but he had a small laugh himself when Montserrat hugged him.

"Right here guys," Kara said on the side, feigning offense she was being left out.

~0~

The weekend seem to pass by quicker than one would have liked, and before Montserrat knew it she was back at SVU beginning the week with a possible gangrape. Luckily for her, no one except Sonny knew what happened that weekend, so it was pretty much a regular Monday at work.

Their victim was a 16 year old girl found at dawn. After a series of events, they discovered her real identity but at the same time losing her at the hospital. It was clear she didn't want to talk to the police, but that wouldn't stop them from finding her. They searched for the young girl, who turned out to be named Clare Wilson, not Erin Fogarty as they previously believed.

"So, our vic is Clare Wilson. Sixteen. Raped by a VIP guest at the strip club where she works," Nick went over their pinboard they were compiling of the case.

Sonny crossed paths with Nick to come point at a picture of an older man who barely had hair. "But the club owner, Perry Cannavaro, won't give up the rapist's name."

"She's 16," Montserrat read over their details from the table. "How the hell did she get into that job in the first place?"

She was looking over their initial photos of Clare and found the girl reminded her of her niece, Juliana. While Juliana was 15, not 16, the fact was her niece could've ended up in those clutches if the wrong things would've happened. Even the way Clare spoke and acted was that of a normal teenager. The rebellious pink highlights in Clare's hair was proof enough.

"She ran away from her mother's abusive home," Olivia said.

"We're going to bring her into a group home and make sure she's safe there," Amanda after putting down her desk phone. "Just settled everything with the head."

Fin strode into the room looking annoyed and angry. "Just talked to Perry again and, shocker, he's not talking. He definitely knows who the rapist is."

"Shocker," Sonny made a face.

"Alright, Liv, we can move Clare down to the group home today," Amanda got up from her desk, ready to do that.

"Right. You and Novak go move Clare to the group home. See if you can jog her memory about the rapist," Olivia pointed the two women forwards. "The rest of us have our work cut out for us."

~0~

Clare has very little to take with her, but she still ready to go with it. She held her box of clothes and followed Montserrat and Amanda down the blue hallway of the group home.

"Now this guy definitely knew Perry," Amanda was telling the girl. "You sure you can't remember anything about him?"

Clare shook her head. "No."

"Perry thinks that this will all go away," Montserrat rolled her eyes.

"Guess he knows."

Montserrat looked back at the girl with sympathy. It was clear she was used to things going wrong in her life. "Well, we're not dropping this, Clare, okay? We're gonna keep putting pressure on Perry. We don't just go away."

Clare shrugged. "Whatever. I'm out of there." She was led into a small room with one window at the end. "This place- they seem okay."

"You know, Clare, you want to turn your life around, they'll support you here," Amanda hoped Clare would get the message. "Stay clean, stay sober. Make curfew."

"I guess it's time." Clare looked out the window and saw a cherry blossom tree on the other side. "I have a tree outside my window. That's nice."

"We'll check in on you, okay?" Montserrat said just so that Clare knew they wouldn't abandon her out of the blue. And, it could also serve as a reminder that they would be looking in to see if she was making good on her and devar to get clean.

"Clare Wilson?" a woman in an officer's jacket strode into the room, followed by another officer. She held up a badge for them to see. "Hudson County Sheriff Department."

Montserrat exchanged a look with Amanda, neither of them knew what the hell is going on but they were sure it wasn't going to be good.

"Detective Rollins," Amanda introduced herself and showed her badge, prompting over to Montserrat who also raised her badge. "That's Detective Novak. How can we help you?"

The Hudson officer didn't look the least fazed by the detectives. "Arrest warrant for Clare Wilson." She motion to the other officer with her to take Claire into custody and then raised the warrant for Amanda and Montserrat to see.

Monster had snatched the warrant from the woman to look at it herself. "What the hell for?" Her eyes quickly skin the papers to see.

"Credit card fraud and grand larceny."

"New Jersey, though!" Montserrat quickly said.

"She worked in New York. And a Jersey City strip club."

Amanda blocked the officer was trying to take Clare away from them. "Hold up. You got the wrong girl."

Clare, on the other hand, didn't look like she was confused by it. "No, I worked in Perry's other club too. He made me overcharge customers-"

Amanda quickly waved a hand in front of the girl's face to stop her from going any further. "-stop talking, Clare. And ask for a lawyer. Not one word."

All Clare did was shrug her shoulders as they took her away.

~0~

"You know, the fact that Perry has connections with the Hudson Police department does not bode well." Fin sat at his desk with a weariness that was slowly creeping from one detective to the next. Their case was about to get even more difficult, because it wasn't already.

"Whoever this rapist must be top notch for Perry to go through these extents to lock up Clare," Montserrat leaned back in her chair. She had the tip of her pen locked between her teeth in a relentless chewing.

"Whoever he is, Perry thought he could play us so let's give him a good game," Nick resolved and would definitely give the man a good match if given the chance.

"They're back," Sonny pointed towards the door where Amanda and Olivia were crossing through. "You think Barba gave them something good?"

"Gotta be by the looks of her," Fin's comment made Montserrat look back to see Olivia, Amanda, Rafael and a dark-haired woman none of them knew.

Montserrat briefly crossed gazes with Rafael and, despite her efforts, she had to glare. However, Rafael just took it without one of his own. He thought he deserved it. In his mind, he did.

"So, what happened?" Nick curiously eyed the dark-haired woman.

"U.S Assistant Attorney, Connie Rubirosa," the woman introduced herself and held a hand to shake with them. "I'm here to help you with your case."

"I didn't know we needed help from the feds," Sonny said, giving a look to the rest of the squad.

"Well your friend called me over," Rubirosa nodded her head at Rafael. "Lucky he did because we've been looking at Perry Cannavaro for a while now. He's part of a ring that targets runaways. Puts them to work in his clubs, gets them hooked on drugs, and then they owe him."

"And the feds can't shut him down?" asked Fin.

"Well, we're trying to. The problem is that a lot of the vics go back to the life. Disappear, decide not to testify. What can you guys tell me about Clare Wilson?"

"She has had it hard, but has hit rock bottom," Amanda answered. "I think she knows that these clubs are a dead end."

"Will she make a good witness?"

"She wants to turn things around. She's credible," Olivia reassured the woman.

"Maybe that's why Perry pulled some strings and had her arrested."

"She's being arraigned later today in Hudson County. What do you know about Prosecutor Masconi?" Rafael inquired since he knew they'd have to deal with the prosecutor soon.

"Well, he's got a big ego. Bills himself as a reformer," Rubirosa said sourly, as if she'd already had the pleasure of meeting him. "But he's not gonna want to look like he's protecting a sex trafficker. Tell him that Clare is testifying in our grand jury case against Perry. See if that'll hold him off until she does."

"Okay, Benson, you up for a drive to Jersey?" Rafael asked the woman.

"I'm Acting Squad Commander. I can't just get up and leave. These guys might destroy my office," Olivia jerked a thumb at the others.

"Heavy lies the crown."

Olivia rolled her eyes at him then pointed a finger at Sonny. "Carisi can join you. Should make a lovely trip, don't you think?"

Now it was Rafael's turn to roll his eyes. At least he could get amusement somewhere in his life at the moment. he was sure all he needed to do was look at Montserrat for a full minute for her to want to kill him.

"Actually, Sarge," Sonny started getting up from his seat, "I think it would be good for Clare to see someone she originally talked to. Montserrat, for example."

Montserrat's dark eyes snapped up to the man. And if Sonny wasn't in public with her, he would've feared for his life. If there was something Montserrat Novak was good at, it was her death glares.

It seemed Rafael knew that about her because right now he was giving Sonny a 'be careful look'.

"I like it," Olivia agreed. She was blissfully in the blue of everything and it showed.

"But Liv-" Montserrat turned her chair to brunette, "-I think I can stay here and do more digging on Perry and his clubs."

"No, I think Sonny's got the right idea," Olivia shook her head. "Besides, you said Clare reminded you of your niece so who better to offer support than you?"

"...is that what I said?" Montserrat gritted her teeth together. "Damn."

There were only a few things to prepare in order to leave for Hudson County and while Olivia, Rafael and Rubirosa worked it out, Montserrat had her go at Sonny out on the street.

"It's like you and Kara are hell-bent on making my life miserable!" she shouted without a care of who heard her. "First, it was reassuring me that Rafael did indeed have feelings for me and then when that failed-" she said with a spat, "-you move on to make it impossible to avoid being in a room with him? What the hell!?" she frantically pushed Sonny's chest, not that the man would fight back.

"It was not my intention, Montse. I just think avoiding isn't going to get you anywhere," he said, irritatingly calm. "Same for Barba. You need to get it out-"

"-I _did_!" Montserrat snapped. "That's why I'm here in this awful situation!"

"It's a misunderstanding and I will help even if you hate me for it."

Montserrat's face fell flat. "Oh no, I am going to K-I-double-L you! And the only reason I spelled it out is because we're standing outside a precinct!"

Sonny took it all with a nod. Oh boy, Rafael was in for a ride if this did happen to work out for them. Sonny had come to really like Montserrat but there was no way in hell he could ever date that woman.

"We have 2 hours until Clare is arraigned," Rafael walked up to them, though clearly kept a distance from Montserrat. "You're going to drive with the sirens on, right?"

Sonny nodded. "What did you think? I'll go bring the car around."

"And I will go help," Montserrat attempted to say after Sonny had left, but at this point she didn't care if it was a logical excuse.

"No, Montserrat, wait," Rafael had grabbed her arm but she sent him a glare that immediately made him let go. "Sorry. I feel like we need to talk-"

"-but what about?" she pretended to be confused for a brief moment before returning to her angry state. "I got your message and I'll follow through. Don't worry, I would never want to be a hazard for your job and your career."

"That's _never_ what I said," he frowned.

"How would you know? You _walked_ out on me!"

Point one for Montserrat.

"I didn't mean to, I was just…" Rafael didn't know what it was like being speechless, and much less what to _do_ when he was speechless. He felt incredibly guilty, not to mention hurt himself.

"You were just what?" Montserrat folded her arms over her chest. She waited for him to say something but when he didn't, she shook her head. "I tried to listen to Kara and be understanding but the fact you can't even string three words together is disappointing. And _frustrating_."

"It's not easy, Montserrat," he snapped. "I don't know what to do, alright? I've never been in a situation like this."

"So you're clueless, what a surprise!"

"Would you stop acting like a child? Maybe if you calmed down we could be civil and have a conversation-"

"-about _what_!?" Montserrat's snap was loud enough to grab attention from some of the officers passing by. "Sorry," she said in a sarcastically hushed tone, "I'm jeopardizing your job again."

"I did _not_ say anything about that and you damn well know it!" Rafael's snap was on the same level as hers. If they'd been thinking more clearly, they would've noticed that even to argue they were the same. _Of course_ they would clash. "When I talked about our jobs, I meant that they would clash. We would have to disclose to our bosses if we were serious about things. I _never_ meant that you would harm my career. If anything, _I_ would harm _yours_."

Montserrat wanted to continue being angry, but it became harder to do with that statement. It was the same thing Sonny had told her. "What?"

"I've been at this sort of job for 10 years so believe me I have pissed off more people than I can count. You let them know you're dating me and I guarantee you that you'll encounter obstacles for promotions."

"That's ridiculous-"

"- _No_ it's not," Rafael spoke over her. "You've only been a detective for a couple years, right? No more than five?" Her silence was answer enough. "And it's not just that, Montserrat. There's the age difference-"

Montserrat groaned. "Oh my God, it's not like it's that much. It's literally only 6 years so you can throw that excuse away. You're just piling on excuses. I'm, regrettably now, 30, so you're going to have to take my word when I say I'm a big girl who can say 'yes'."

"How about the way we are, then? You and I...we're too matched. We bicker at least once every time we're in the same room."

"Have you ever thought that the reason we act the way we do with each other is _because_ there's some feelings?"

The way Rafael sighed and looked away told Montserrat he had, but he was choosing to ignore it.

"The reason we're always so frustrated with each other is because we'd rather kiss than argue?" Montserrat waited a minute for him to say, but he just shook his head in rejection. "You know, for someone who's-" she raised her fingers in the air to do quotation marks, "-apparently 'a lot older than me', you're the one acting pretty childish right now."

"Don't do that," he warned but she pointed a finger at him.

" _You_ are the one who's blatantly ignoring everything I'm putting on the table. As much as I hate to admit it, Kara was right. I was desperately trying to ignore the fact that I like you but here's me, acting like an adult, and saying what I feel. I don't understand why you're doing this to me and to yourself."

"I am _so_ sorry, Montserrat. But believe me when I say: you can do a lot better than me," Rafael's soft tone was so uncharacteristic that it froze Montserrat. "I listed the logical facts that would interfere with whatever this would be, but don't even get me started on _me_."

Montserrat was caught off guard by the sentimental admission. And she would admit it if anyone asked her. Rafael was never one speak about himself, and much less what he thought about himself. Perhaps, she should've addressed that first and avoided a lot of the yelling she did. Who knows, if she could get the chance to talk about it with him...his 'logical reasons' may not even turn out to be the real problem.

But right now, time was up.

Sonny had returned with their car, so it was time to go. They were, after all, on the clock.

~ 0 ~

One day later, SVU was _so_ stumped in their case. Clare had been arraigned and detained for pending trial in the Hudson County.

"How long is the New Jersey trial backlog?" Olivia asked Rubirosa for some type of reference. They were gathered in her office, listening to the failed visit to the county.

Rubirosa crossed her arms and thought about it for a moment. "She could be in for a year and a half."

"The county prosecutor and his wife, the ADA, they went through the motions, but Judge Dolan shut us down, hiding behind the fig leaf of Jersey's stringent anti-fraud statutes," Rafael sourly said, indicating he was still pretty irritated the judge had shut _him_ down first before they began any process.

"They want to claim protocol, I can too," Rubirosa declared, letting her arms fall to her sides. "There's a judge I work with on the task force. I can get him to write up a court order stipulating that we need Clare in New York to testify in a pretrial hearing."

"Meanwhile, where are we with Perry?" Rafael looked at the rest for some answers.

"How do we say 'nowhere' without making it sound bad?" Amanda leaned forward to see the responses from the rest of her co-workers.

"Why don't we make some calls, get the pressure going," suggested Fin.

Olivia seemed to like the idea because she was going back to her desk, directly for her phone. "Let's hit him with an alphabet soup."

"Meanwhile, we'll get started on that writ process," Rubirosa resolved and headed for the door with Rafael. "Might get it done today if we're lucky."

"We can only hope," Rafael muttered behind her.

As they walked out of the office, Montserrat and Sonny were coming into the bullpen. The two were bickering since they'd come from a joint meeting with Kara that, unsurprisingly, turned out to be all about Montserrat.

"You're an idiot and that's final. Kara got it too," Montserrat let her bag drop on her desk. She looked over her shoulder and saw the DAs leaving together and even though she tried - like _really_ tried - she couldn't help feel that ridiculous notion of jealousy. "They're pretty close, huh?"

"Oh, don't do that, Montse," Sonny shook his head. "They're friends. Co-workers."

Montserrat still rolled her eyes even though she knew it was a possibility.

~ 0 ~

Perry was in distress. His entire club had been shut down at 10 o'clock promptly. He had every agency at his doorstep, invading the rooms of his club.

"What the hell is going on!?" he came to stand in front of Olivia, seething with anger.

Olivia was all too happy to answer him. "So far, we have CSU in your VIP lounge and the Health Department and lmmigration going through your kitchen."

"And your sushi bar here..." Fin stopped by to point at a higher floor where a woman laid on a table with sushi placed over her like she was the table, "You better hope they don't find any human contamination on that raw fish." He flashed a smile at Perry then continued on his way.

Olivia raised her fingers to continue listing who else was visiting the building. "On their way is OSHA, New York City Department of Taxation and Finance, ATF."

Now it was Montserrat who stopped by them, and she was smirking as widely as could be. She may or may not be loving the fact she could cause some pain to someone else, and even better when they were actual scum. "You might as well shut this place down and give the girls the weekend off. Scuse me," she continued walking and followed Amanda down the cruddy hallway.

"Excuse me!" Amanda shouted as she ripped open all the room curtains on one side, while Montserrat pulled the other side's. "Scuse me, fellas. These nice folks here are from CSU they're gonna be executing a luminol check for fluids on these couches."

"Any of you been here before?" Montserrat's eyes flickered from one guilty man to the next. Most of them raised their guilty hands. "Yeah, figures. Swab 'em all!" She stepped aside so the group behind her could get started on their work.

Out in the main room, Perry was still complaining. "Well, this is harassment!"

"What, you think you're a big guy, getting your buddies in Jersey to lock up a 16-year-old rape victim?" Nick had the pleasure of standing in front of the man's face.

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Who are you paying off? Masconi? Judge Dolan?"

Perry blinked at him then looked at the rest of the squad's waiting figures. "Wait a minute. Is this all because I didn't give up the name of a patron? Huh? All right, all right. Say I give him up, all right? Is this circus gonna go away?"

Olivia scoffed and turned over a clipboard she'd been holding, listing all the agencies she'd brought with them. "Oh, that's not my call. You see, once these agencies get involved, it really takes on a life of its own. Take Mr. Cannavaro in."

"What?" Perry looked both ways as Sonny and Fin grabbed him from behind. "Hey, call Arnie!"

"Hey Liv," Amanda moved beside the Sergeant, "Rubirosa got the writ expedited for Clare's release. Barba wants to serve the papers to Dolan first thing tomorrow morning, Jersey City, 8:00 AM."

"It is Amanda's turn," Montserrat said before Olivia got any ideas. She didn't feel prepared to face Rafael again without wanting to argue.

"Okay, go with him," Olivia agreed easily. "Make sure that Clare sees a friendly face when she gets out." Amanda nodded her head, but there was something else she was planning on doing tonight first.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

So I have the whole week off from work so I decided to go ahead and update quicker. Who knows, I might update again sometime this week since I have zero to do!

Also, I've finally started transferring some of my work to my tumblr account noble-crescent ! Drop by and give a follow maybe? I've been loving the vibe from that site and even more that I can actually do questions and answers about Montserrat and my other OCs. All my work created on tumblr is under the hashtag # noblecrescentedit.


	23. Tangled

Alright, so plans weren't turning out so well...for some people. Others actually got to where they needed to be on time. Like a _professional_ does.

Montserrat practically ran down a hallway, slowing down only when she saw Rafael coming out of Judge Dolan's office. He looked peeved...and this time with good reasons.

"Where the hell is Rollins?" he demanded from the detective who was out of breath.

"I... don't know…" he took in a deep breath. "I just got a call from Liv and I dragged my ass out here."

"No good, you're still late," his snap was met with a glare.

"Hey, at least I'm here. And did I mention you're crankier in the mornings? Didn't think that was possible, by the way."

Rafael ignored her and led the way down the hallway. "We need to get Clare out now."

Still, Montserrat had to follow him. "Dolan signed the release forms?"

"Yes. I got him to do it because _I_ was here on time," he purposely said loudly.

"You should be grateful I'm here," she snapped this time. "It wasn't my turn."

"Sorry," he scoffed. "Didn't know my presence was so bothersome to you that you had to tag team now."

"Don't be like that, please," she moved up so she could walk alongside him instead of behind. Her plead had come not in a snap, nor a demand, but instead in a way that sounded exactly like what it was: a plead.

Against his will, Rafael was forced to calm his snaps. It was that little effect she had on him that he wished she didn't. Because if she didn't, then it would be a lot easier to put some distance between them. It would be so much easier to show her that he was not the right person for her.

"Let's just go get Clare and go home," he said calmer but still put a bit more speed into his walk to leave her behind. It was simply for the best.

~0~

With Amanda being a confirmed no-show, Montserrat was the one to go directly to the officers in charge of the juvenile facility to get Clare back. There she was at the front desk, anxiously giving out Clare's information to get her back.

"Mm, one of those," the officer hummed after pulling up the right profile.

Montserrat made a face at the woman. "What does that mean?"

The officer ignored the question and moved on to what she found. "You're a little late. Yeah, she started acting up, so we gave her diesel therapy." At Montserrat's blank face, the officer elaborated. "Put her on a bus to Knollwood Juvenile."

"And where's that?"

"The Delaware border," the officer's rude manner pushed Montserrat more than where she already was.

The detective glared with a crinkled nose. "Well, thank you for nothing." She turned away and ignored the officer's face. She made it back to Rafael and told him what happened and of course had his first outraged response all to herself.

"Are you kidding me!?" he looked ready to go to the officer himself.

"Nothing I can do! She's out of our reach-"

Rafael brought a hand to his forehead and rubbed circles over it. "Maybe if you or Rollins had been here on time we would've caught her."

"Woah, I _know_ you are not blaming me for this," she stepped closer to him and glared.

But like before, they were evenly matched.

He stepped closer as well and leveled her glare with his own. "Were you here on time? Was Rollins?"

"It wasn't my call," she said slowly. She was well aware of their proximity but this time he had her so irritated she wanted to smack him not kiss him. "Amanda was meant to be in. I had plans! I had the day off!"

"Oh, excuse me, then," Rafael sarcastically said as he backed away. He did it for measures though. "What plans did you have that were more important than your job?"

"Seeing my brother who's been gone for an entire month," Montserrat spat, and did technically get through to the man. "Gael and Damien were on a business trip, remember? We even celebrated my birthday earlier because they weren't sure if they would be back before my birthday."

Yup, Rafael did remember that. _Dammit_. He inwardly sighed and started regretting all the animosity he spewed. "I'm sorry."

"I was supposed to be out today so I could see him. So sorry if it got in your way," Montserrat pushed past him towards the door.

Rafael thought about going after her but he knew she'd never listen to him right now. He'd be lucky if she did even when she was angry with him. _Why couldn't Rollins just have gotten here like planned?_ he would think endlessly on the way home.

~0~

Hearing they missed Clare, Olivia decided to go straight for the girl herself in her new prison. She took Nick with her, in hopes of finally getting the girl back. In the meantime, when Amanda finally showed up later that day (much, much later), everyone had their go at her. But no one was more irritated than Montserrat.

"I got yelled at because _you_ didn't show up!" the ginger was shouting in Amanda's face. "I had plans, too, you know."

Amanda had a headache. It was a terrible, terrible headache that was borderline a migraine. She nursed a cup of coffee and just nodded as Montserrat yelled at her. When Montserrat was done, the ginger returned to her desk and plopped down while she waited for Amanda to finally speak.

"I'm sorry, guys. Something came up," Amanda said. _Yeah, **betting** did._ "It was irresponsible not to call in. That's my bad."

"Yeah," Montserrat snapped.

"Are you alright, Rollins?" Fin eyed the blonde woman with some concern. earlier in the day when they had first gotten word Amanda did not show up to Hudson county, Nick had talked to him on the side about Amanda's recent odd behavior. At the time, then just brushed Nick's words off. But now, looking at Amanda, he was beginning to think Nick was right in some sense.

Amanda seemed huddled as she took her seat at her desk. Even her nod is kind of off. "Yeah. Just not my best day." She glanced over at Montserrat, genuinely looking sorry for putting the ginger into that situation. "I'm sorry, Montserrat. I didn't mean to ruin your day."

Montserrat didn't say anything but she sensed Amanda's honesty. It wasn't so much that she had to cancel her plans with her brother, as it was that she'd been forced to be with Rafael when she was clearly not ready because all she seemed to do was argue with him, even more now. And that was saying something.

"Let's just focus on Perry's connections, shall we?" Sonny eventually asked after the silence became too awkward.

It was really the best they could do to push away the hard feelings. However, after a few hours they got a call from a very angry Olivia who ordered them to do some digging on the new prison Clare was in, Knollwood. As soon as they had something concrete, they were to meet her with Rubirosa and Rafael.

Olivia was livid even after they met her. And as she told the group how they found Clare's new prison, it just got her riled up even more. "Forget about releasing Clare. They wouldn't even let us see her!"

Nick, who was a bit more calm than Olivia, added, "They said she was in solitary. And she's staying in there no matter what."

"We called a contact at Jersey DOC, but he said Knollwood sets its own rules," Fin said.

"Knollwood's a private facility?" Rafael asked, even though he assumed the answer based on everything Olivia had told them so far (well, raged about).

"Oh yeah, owned and operated," Sonny answered. "The state pays per prisoner each day that they're there."

"It's pretty lucrative," Amanda remarked as she picked up a file she and Montserrat worked on before coming. It was the only way they wouldn't argue and once they found out more about Knollwood, setting aside their differences wasn't that hard. "They hit record profits just last quarter. So the more prisoners they get, the more money they make."

"And they're not exactly putting those profits back into the facility or rehab," Montserrat crinkled her nose as she remembered the details and accompanying photographs they'd found in their research.

"We get that," Rafael said dismissively while he went through his own paperwork.

Montserrat gave him a look for that. " _No_ -" that sharpness made him involuntarily wince and look up to meet her hardened gaze, "-you really don't. There have been dozens of attempted teenage suicides. There's allegations of drug abuse, violence, sexual abuse-"

"-can we just put reforming the for-profit prison system on hold and focus on Clare?" he managed to cut through, not that it made Montserrat any happier.

"I was getting to that, Counselor," she smiled sarcastically. "If you'd let me talk. So every judge in Jersey- they send a few kids there a year, but Judge Dolan - 90% of his juveniles end up there."

"So the judge is funneling them business," Rubirosa got in and asked the winning question. "What's Knollwood funneling back to him?"

"We'll get back to you on that," Amanda made an apologetic face.

"And the Perry money trail?" asked Rafael.

"We have forensic accountants tearing his books apart, but he still won't give us the name of Clare's rapist," Sonny said. "And he had the Hudson County legal system railroad Clare. I mean, whoever this rapist is, he has serious hooks."

Olivia understood that and it made her even angrier they couldn't get to him. "So, Fin, Amaro, Carisi, keep hitting Perry. Novak, Rollins, keep digging at Knollwood. In the meantime-" she turned to the two ADAs, "-do you guys have any plan at all to get Clare out of there?"

Judging by Rubirosa's face, it appeared she'd been thinking about it for a while now. "I'm gonna get a forthwith order releasing Clare to New York's DOC."

"How is that any different from the last one?" Montserrat curiously asked.

"Even if she's in solitary, the warden will have to release her immediately."

Montserrat nodded and, very lowly, whispered to Sonny, "She's good." Sonny knew she had to have hated making that admission considering how she felt towards Rubirosa.

~0~

Thankfully, Rubirosa followed through and allowed SVU to finally take Clare somewhere safe. At this point, it was back to the hospital so she could rest and get back to normal health. Prison had done a number on her again.

"They drugged me," Clare said with a scratch voice. She'd been given a room in the hospital for her to peacefully rest in and was now receiving a visit from Montserrat. "They said I was out of control. I mean, I know I'm no white dove but…I didn't deserve that."

Montserrat watched the girl's eyes get watery and felt rage towards the prison ward, as well as the whole situation in general. "I'm so sorry, Clare, but we're working on bringing Perry down right now."

"Did he tell you the name of my rapist?"

"...no," Montserrat watched the little hope Clare had leave her body with slumped shoulders. "But we will, okay? We told you we're not giving up on you, remember?"

"You guys got me out of there," Clare said, reminding herself that even though they did get the chance to abandon her they didn't. "It was awful there."

"I heard," Montserrat said sadly.

"They dry-celled me in solitary. There was no running water. They called it the brown room. I had to sleep on the floor with no blankets. The other kids - everyone had bruises," Clare looked down at her arms which, surprisingly, bore no said bruises. "I guess I got lucky in that department."

"You're never going back there again, I promise," Montserrat got up from her seat to check her buzzing phone. "That's my partner. We may have gotten a breakthrough somewhere. I'll come back, okay?"

Clare nodded and smiled at the detective. "Thanks for being here."

"Of course," Montserrat offered a smile of her own then headed out of the room. As soon as she was outside the room, she sighed. She just kept thinking about her niece and it sickened her that no one else was watching out for Clare.

~ 0 ~

By the time Montserrat returned to the precinct, the group was already at the conference table discussing their recent findings on Perry.

"How was Clare?" Olivia asked her once she joined them.

"In honesty, she's had a rough few days," Montserrat sighed. "But I think she'll be good now, even more so if we manage to catch her rapist."

"Well, maybe we're getting there," Amanda walked over to the board of their case. "The Masconis are the ones getting the money from Knollwood."

"So did we get anywhere with Perry's byzantine financial system?" Montserrat looked at the men who'd been in charge of that.

"No, but we decided to take an alternate route," Fin said. "We took a look at Judge Dolan's finances."

"Hm, let me guess. Beatrice D'Avola's PR firm pays him as a consultant?" Olivia asked.

"No, money flows the other way."

"Four years ago, the Judge starts writing checks to local assemblymen, the Governor as well. 40 grand a year," Sonny relayed from one document they'd been able to get.

"The Governor?" Rafael stopped him, as if to mean for Sonny to check his details again.

"He's the one who appoints county prosecutors," Rubirosa pointed out. "With the advice of local assemblymen. A lot of money for a family court judge."

"He had to take out a second mortgage," Nick shared with them.

"What, for campaign contributions? He still writing checks?"

"No, he stopped two years ago."

"And that's when Knollwood hired the PR firm owned by Masconi's mother-in-law," Montserrat was catching up on the files on the table. She crinkled her nose at that detail and looked up to see if they'd caught on with it too.

"And when Dolan starts dumping every juvie he comes across into Knollwood," Fin agreed with her.

"So Masconi says 'Jump' and Dolan says 'How high'?" Olivia was liking they were finally getting somewhere with the case. The deeper they were into the case, the more they could get for each culprit.

"What does he have on him?" Rubirosa leaned against the table, her dark eyes flickering from one picture on the board to the next.

Rafael came to stand beside her and gazed at the board himself. Well, like any group of criminals there was always the strong and the weak, the boss and the lackeys. "Masconi, Perry- they're old-school thugs. Dolan bullies teenage girls. Let's hit the weak link."

Montserrat had the misfortune of witnessing the brief smirk he shared with Rubirosa. She didn't like it.

~ 0 ~

"You're _jealous_?" Kara had no regards for prudence or plain kindness. She just laughed while the two set dinner at the table, six plates, while Montserrat practically slammed the forks down beside each plate.

"Funny, I was under the impression that you were my best friend who would _not_ laugh at my misery," Montserrat's quiet sarcasm was responded with another small laugh.

"I'm sorry, but it's too funny."

"My misery?"

"Hey, if you would've listened before, then none of this would've happened."

"Except it would have because Rafael would have still said the same things he did now," Montserrat put the last of the utensils down. She brought her hands up to her hair that she pushed back. "Oh my God, this is ridiculous. If I hadn't kissed him none of this would be happening."

"But you would be stuck in an endless 'what if' pit," Kara pointed out, much more serious now that she saw how stressed Montserrat was.

"But it's got to be better than this, right?" Montserrat dropped her hands and pressed them against the table to lean forwards on. "Here I am being jealous of some woman who's just doing her job. And when I'm not being jealous, I'm arguing with Rafael. _Anything_ would have been better than this. It's _got_ to be."

Kara stared at her friend with sorrow. "Okay," she moved around the table and gently turned Montserrat around. "I know that's how you feel, but I know that getting it off your chest was the better choice, _you_ know it too. It's hard, but it will pass. And whatever happens, you'll know you made the right choice."

Montserrat swallowed hard and pushed away any tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "Yeah…" she whispered.

There was an exciting knock on the door from one four year old calling out, "Auntie Montse! I have a new game! Auntie Montse!"

Kara chuckled. "Love her. You want me to wait a minute-"

Montserrat shook her head. "No, go answer it. I'm good." She drew in a breath while Kara walked towards the door. They were having dinner with their brothers, and Montserrat's nieces, and this was something she didn't want to ruin. Some good family time was exactly what she needed.

As soon as Kara opened the door, Ivana Novak scurried into the apartment and went straight for her aunt. Montserrat bent down to pick the girl up in time.

"Auntie Montse! I've got Candyland! Do you want to play!?"

"Where's my hug and kiss first?" Montserrat's demand was met immediately with one brief tight hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"We can play now!?"

Montserrat laughed, a genuine laugh too. "Maybe after dinner, okay?"

Ivana nodded and was promptly set back on the floor. Montserrat moved on to hug Kara's brother, Damien, and then her brother, Gael.

"Please tell me you fixed your WiFi," Juliana's remark was practically ignored by Montserrat who pulled her into a tight hug. "Uh, okay…" Juliana was taken aback by the tightness of the hug. "Aunt Montse, are you alright?"

"Sorry," Montserrat pulled away from the teenager and looked at the others apologetically. "I have a case with a girl who reminds me of you, Julia. She's a year older than you but...she's had it tough."

"Oh god, what happened to her?"

"Lots of things, sweetie," Montserrat brought her, and prompted the others, towards the table. "We just got her out of prison after she'd been deprived of food and water, and sleep…"

"That's awful," Juliana made a face as she sat down. "Is she going to be okay now?"

"Course she is," Damien answered before Montserrat could. He smiled at the ginger. "Because your aunt's on the case now."

Montserrat smiled softly. "Thanks."

"C'mon, let's have some dinner," Kara said as she emerged from the kitchen with a tray of casserole.

"That smells good, Kara," Gael sniffed the air, along with Ivana. He could never deny that wasn't his daughter.

"I've been learning how to cook with Sonny," Kara proudly set the tray on the table.

"Yup, I'll give her that," Montserrat nodded. "We haven't had to call the firefighters in months now." Kara smacked her shoulder, making the others laugh.

"Just start serving or at least give me the spoon," Damien said as he searched for the spoon himself.

"I want to go first!" Ivana raised her hand and started getting up on her chair when Gael gently made her sit again.

"So Montse, was your birthday fun?"

Montserrat, who'd been drinking out of her glass, nearly choked on it when the subject changed. "What?" she looked at her brother with wide eyes. "Why? What have you heard?"

"Montse," Kara mumbled for the woman to get it together.

Gael was indeed staring at her sister. Montserrat cleared her throat and answered much calmer, "I...it was okay. It's never really fun turning 30, right?"

"I remember that," Damien nudged Gael on the side. "Remember our 30th?"

"I'd rather not," Gael agreed with a nod.

"I'm mad I didn't get to go to your party," Juliana crossed her arms, rather upset until Kara put a slice of casserole on her plate.

"It was at a bar," Montserrat reminded her. "No way your grandfather would let you go."

"Done good," Gael pointed. "But Montse, here's a gift I picked up. Juliana, sweetie?" Juliana nodded and got up from her chair to go retrieve a paper bag they'd left near the couch.

"A present?" Montserrat glanced to see her niece picking up the bag. "Oh no, please-"

"It's late, but I hope you like it," Gael took the bag from Juliana.

"Just so you know, I made sure it was good," Juliana warned Montserrat as she went back to her seat. "You know how men are with their gifts."

Montserrat chuckled as she reached a hand inside the bag. She pulled out a white rectangular box that she gingerly placed on the table. Inside she found a personalized, silver glass photo frame with a photo of herself, her father, Gael, the girls and Casey. To its right was an engraved phrase that read 'Our family may be small, but we are mighty' in Slovak, their home language.

"Oh that is beautiful, Gael!" Montserrat gawked. She remembered that photo from a birthday picnic they had for their father's birthday last year. "I love this!"

"Let me see!" Kara wiggled her fingers to get the frame. She tilted her head while she tried to read the foreign language. "What's that say?"

Montserrat took back the frame and read aloud, " _Naša rodina môže byť malá, ale sme mocní_. We may be small, but we are mighty."

"Aww, that's so cute," Kara chuckled.

"Okay, well, open mine now," Damien surprised her with his own gift that apparently fit inside his jacket.

"Guys…" Montserrat looked guilty for taking more presents, but no one seemed to care. Damien handed his present, shaped as a small box, to Montserrat. With a sigh, she took it and lifted its lid to find an emerald Kate Spade watch inside. It had light pink jewels on the glass of the watch. When Montserrat turned it over, she found her name engraved on the back. "Wow…" she blinked. "I…"

"Do you like it?" Damien seemed eager to hear the answer.

"Are you kidding? I love it," Montserrat laughed. "I'll probably wear this everyday!"

"That's the idea!"

Montserrat smiled at him then the others. For the next few hours, she'd finally get some peace.

~ 0 ~

The weakest link turned out to be even more fragile than Rafael had thought. Mere hours after Amanda and Fin visited Judge Dolan, the news of his suicide spread like wildfire through the media.

"This photo is probably why Judge Dolan killed himself," Amanda showed the group a picture of said judge with a 12 year old on his lap. "It was sent to him right before he killed himself.

Rubirosa took a closer look at the girl in the picture. "I know this girl. I saw her file. Miyako Nara, she was born into a massage parlor, passed around early."

"Where is this girl now?" Olivia asked.

"She disappeared four years ago. No trace of her since."

"Four years ago?" repeated Rafael, sounding like he'd just made a connection the others hadn't yet. "That's when Dolan started paying off Masconi's political cronies."

"Okay, now we know what Masconi has on Dolan," Nick said.

"Yeah but if they're smart then they definitely didn't send that picture on his own phone, right?" Montserrat watched Amanda shake her head. "Yeah."

"But the photo looks like a surveillance still from a private room at a strip club," Sonny pointedly looked at the group, reminding them what link they still had in their possession. "Miyako used to work at Perry's Jersey City club."

"All roads lead to Perry," Olivia bitterly said.

"Well, maybe Perry will talk now that Dolan's out of the picture," Montserrat suggested another round with the man.

"Worth a shot," Rubirosa agreed with her.

~ 0 ~

Clare shuddered a breath when she stepped into the lineup room to pick out the man who raped her. She couldn't believe they'd actually gotten him and that now it was just up to her to pick him out.

"Whenever you're ready," Montserrat gently brought the girl up to the glass.

Clare only needed to look once before she spotted the familiar man. "It's him, number three."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked.

Clare nodded, swallowing roughly. "He raped me in the VIP room. It's like he thought I was part of the deal."

"Are we done here?" ADA Gina Masconi, Masconi's wife, moved forwards but Montserrat blocked the way to Clare. "I would like a word with my client."

"You mean your husband?" Olivia raised an eyebrow. "You're still standing by your man, Counselor?"

"Get some self respect," Montserrat muttered but was heard just fine by Masconi. "I'm going to bring Clare back to the group home. I'll be back later."

Olivia nodded for her to go and wished Clare well before they did.

~ 0 ~

"So the man who raped me is the prosecutor who charged me with fraud?" Clare felt like her head would hurt if she kept thinking about it. Montserrat was walking her down the group home hallway, back to her old room.

"Yeah, and the judge that put you away was being blackmailed by him," Montserrat added, but didn't expect Clare to remark about it. "I'm sorry. New Jersey- they're never gonna clean it up."

"But I'm safe now. They can't charge me?" Clare asked, stopping by the threshold of her room. "They can't send me back to Knollwood?"

"Absolutely not," Montserrat promised since she could see the fear of the idea in Clare's eyes. "And the feds assured us that they're gonna investigate Knollwood. We might free more of the kids inside there."

"Can you trust those guys?"

Montserrat bobbed her head for a few seconds. "Well, my friend seems to and, despite his irritating habits, he knows his stuff."

"So what happens now?" Clare stepped inside the room, and suddenly it didn't look so small like before.

"You start your new life. Go get your GED. Maybe go to college?"

Clare shrugged but Montserrat could see the smile on the girl's face. "With my view. There's my tree." She walked up to the window to peer out. She might go out later.

Montserrat felt her phone buzz inside her pocket so she pulled it out to read a text message. She quickly type back and put the phone back in her pocket. "So listen," at her voice, Clare turned sideways, "I know that being a teenager is hard enough, so...I may have done something to try and help."

"Like what?" Clare crossed her arms and waited for it.

"Well, that thing about your GED? I think I may have someone who could help you study and, I don't know, just be a friend?"

Clare looked at the detective suspiciously and even more so when she spotted a teenage girl with light red hair coming into the room.

"Clare, this is my niece, Juliana," Montserrat brought Juliana further into the room.

"Hey, you can call me Jules if you'd like," Juliana's nonchalant greeting made wonders for Clare. Everyone else in the group home seemed to have this pity look for her.

"Okay…" Clare's eyes flickered to Montserrat. "What's she doing here?"

Juliana covered her aunt's mouth - which she got a glare from Montserrat for - to speak with the right words. "Look, I know you've been through some tough stuff so my aunt thought it would be nice if you had someone to show you around the city. You know, like the fun parts?"

Clare somehow found a smile. "You can do that?"

"My Dad's okay with it but I need to check in every once in a while. Plus, I know where the best diner is in these parts. Have you ever tried french fries with milkshakes?"

"No...because I'm a sane person...in what fits."

"It'll blow your mind," Juliana made a motion above her head like if something were exploding.

"Okay," Clare nodded, seemingly getting into the idea. "Thanks."

"No problem!" Juliana smiled. She glanced at her aunt to see she was doing the same thing.

~ 0 ~

"Done deal, case closed," Amanda seemed to be in a hurry to leave the bullpen. She was gathering her things on her desk, ignoring what the others were planning for the night.

"We could get some drinks?" Sonny was asking the detectives, along with Olivia and Rafael. He spotted Montserrat coming in and called out to her, "Hey, how'd it go with Clare?"

"Um, I think she'll be good," Montserrat leaned against the side of her desk. "I introduced her to Juliana and I think that might help Clare get back to some normality."

"That's good, girl needs it," Fin nodded.

"And your brother's okay with this?" Olivia raised an eyebrow, making a good question.

"He knows I'd never put Juliana in danger," Montserrat smiled. "I think it could be good for Clare. And Juliana actually wanted to help."

"Alright, well, I gotta go," Amanda finally slung her bag over her shoulder. "See y'all tomorrow."

"Rollins, you're not going…?" Nick trailed off since the blonde left without hearing anything else. He turned his chair to the others and pointed behind for Amanda. "I'm not the only one who sees that, right? Something's wrong with Rollins."

"I think you just need to focus on yourself, Amaro," Rafael said. Nick rolled his eyes in response.

"Yeah, so how about them drinks?" Sonny pushed himself up from his seat.

"You don't have a date with Kara today?" Montserrat gave him a suspicious look. "You blow off my roommate, I kill you. You know that, right?"

Sonny playfully rolled his eyes at her. "One moment you're on me about actually having a relationship with Kara and then you're suddenly upset because I'm not paying attention to her?"

Montserrat shrugged her shoulders. "It depends on my mood."

Sonny deadpanned her and concluded he needed that drink now. "I'm leaving. Anyone joining?"

"Me," Fin raised a hand and got up. Nick agreed and started getting his jacket.

"How about you, Liv? Councilor?" Sonny gave a look at the two in question then one for Montserrat. "Montse?"

"I'm good, thanks," Montserrat said fast then looked to Rafael, as if letting him know he was free to go now since she'd declined.

Olivia declined as well, saying she was much too tired to think about drinking out from home. She was the next one to leave, but unlike Amanda she was in no apparent rush.

"Guess it's a guy's night out," Sonny shrugged and started leading the way.

"Can't see that turning out wrong," Montserrat sarcastically said, earning herself a look from Fin.

"Yeah, yeah," the man waved her off.

"Montserrat?" Rafael purposely lingered behind.

The woman, however, started getting her things with no intention of sticking around for another conversation that would inevitably turn into an argument. "You're free to go, Councilor. I wouldn't have said 'yes' anyways to drinks. I'm tired."

"But that's not what I'd like anyways," he said. "We can't go avoiding each other when we work together. And not being able to be in the same room together? Really?"

Montserrat didn't want to be frustrated, but it showed by the harsh way she stuffed her jacket into her bag. "Well, what do you suggest?" she looked up to meet his gaze. "Because it seems like whatever we do, we end up arguing anyways."

"I'm sorry-"

"-don't apologize. You just anger me more like that."

"Then I guess I should keep my mouth shut around you?"

"Maybe so."

Rafael deadpanned her before scolding her, "Montserrat, believe it or not it's not my intention to anger you, much less hurt you."

Montserrat seemingly discarded his apology to the side as she slung her bag over her shoulder. "Well you're doing a fantastic job here."

"I'm sorry," he said seriously. "You might not believe me, but I _am_ sorry." Before she could toss that apology and leave, he grabbed her arm and made her look at him. "I know your birthday was never one you wanted to celebrate and I stupidly thought I could ease that night for you. But I just made things worse."

"I don't get why," Montserrat said quietly.

"I'm trying to help _you_ ," he clarified and for some reason, this time, she could believe him. She might not agree with him, but she could see the honesty in his eyes. "I don't want to ruin you."

"Why would you do that? _How_ would you even do that to me?"

There was a weak smile on Rafael's face. "Why do you think Yelina and I didn't last? It's always me." Montserrat's face softened. She flinched, though, when he touched her face. "You know exactly who you're dealing with, Montserrat, and I don't want you to crash because of me. You're beautiful, you'll have no problem finding someone good."

His soft smile, coupled with his words, stunned Montserrat. In all her months working at SVU, spending time with him, he'd never been...like _this_. He was open, he was genuine...he was himself, not the sharp-tongue ADA she'd come to know.

Rafael withdrew his hand from her face and stared at her for a few minutes, almost making a mental picture of how close he had her, how she looked at him with her big, brown eyes...all to remember her, because the next time they would see each other they would be friends and nothing more.

 _It's over_ , Montserrat realized. No matter what she did, nor what she said, things were over and they never even really got started. "Okay," she said in a low whisper.

Rafael nodded and turned to leave when a tall, dark haired man walked into the bullpen. The man seemed to be lost until he looked at Rafael, only for Rafael to realize it wasn't _him_ but Montserrat behind him the man was looking at.

"Jonah?" Montserrat blinked several times just to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. Her emotions were a bit out of place, after all.

A big smile came to the man's face. "Montserrat! So it was the right place!"

Montserrat hurried towards 'Jonah' to give him a hug, but her eyes were still wide from the shock of seeing him.

"No problem at all," Rafael mumbled under his breath as he walked out of the bullpen.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Yes, I _am_ that evil :)

Also, I've finally started transferring some of my work to my tumblr account noble-crescent ! Drop by and give a follow maybe? I've been loving the vibe from that site and even more that I can actually do questions and answers about Montserrat and my other OCs. All my work created on tumblr is under the hashtag # noblecrescentedit.

And for the review: thanks so much for giving the story a go! Hope you like the new chapter!


	24. Detective What's His Name?

When Montserrat left Queens, she did it in a 'running away' type of way. She sealed away her Queens Homicide job, along with her co-workers and friends. She had no desire to return to the city, but some of the people living in that part...she probably could do with seeing again.

Jonah Sanders was a lively man who seemed to laugh with ease. Either he was too kind or he really did think things were funny coming from Fin. They were cracking jokes in the break room while they got some drinks out of the soda machines.

Montserrat had walked out first and found Amanda huddled in front of her laptop. "DMV?" her voice startled the blonde way too much. "You okay?"

Amanda gave a quick nod of her head. "Yeah, yeah. I'm... you know, a friend of mine keeps getting tickets even though he parks in a garage. So I'm just... I'm checking it out for him."

"Careful with favors. You know how I.A. can be," Montserrat opened up her soda and leaned against her desk.

Amanda gave another nod then looked over her shoulder to see the men starting to walk into the bullpen. "Your friend's cute."

"Mm," Montserrat shrugged.

"So you were Montserrat's old partner?" Sonny pointed at Jonah as they joined the women.

Jonah nodded his head. "Yup. For four years it was me and her. But don't worry, I'm not here to steal her back or anything."

"Not that I'd let you," Montserrat pointed out. Jonah agreed there, remembering Montserrat's tough personality.

"We have a visitor?" Olivia's voice drew the group's attention to the entrance where she and Rafael were coming in. They'd finally settled Clare Wilson's case with the Hudson County. Fraud charges begone!

"Detective Jonah Sanders," the man in question introduced himself and shook hands with Olivia first. As they did, Olivia's eyes seemed to squint while she tried to place his face.

"That's our Sergeant Olivia Benson," Montserrat said, "And our ADA Rafael Barba."

"I know," Jonah surprised Montserrat, and the others, and chuckled at the expressions he got. "Your reputations precede both of you." He shook hands with Rafael next, but somehow Jonah's demeanor did not strike well with Rafael.

Wonder why.

"Jonah's my old partner from Homicide," Montserrat added in and missed Olivia's brief flash of panic on her face. Olivia now knew where she recognized him from. "He stopped by for a visit."

"On a loan for Manhattan Homicide, actually," Jonah explained. "Thought I'd stop by and see how dear Montse was doing since she cut ties with me."

"I did not...ish," Montserrat knew very well that she had.

"You're not getting rid of me for the next few days, fair warning," Jonah said, chuckling afterwards.

"Well, you're welcome here, then," Olivia said politely, though she sincerely hoped he wouldn't stay long. Beside her, Rafael thought the same.

"I'm heading out for lunch but Montse...you want to come?" Jonah asked.

"Sure," she nodded. "Liv?"

"You're good," the Sergeant nodded for her to go.

Montserrat grabbed her coat and walked along with Jonah. As she did, the rest heard a warning she was making to Jonah. "There better be barbecue on my menu."

"Jesus, Montserrat, I see your likes are still abysmal," Jonah's exclaim echoed from the hallway.

Rafael rolled his eyes as they continued to hear the clueless man go on and on about the taste Montserrat would never give up on. For a partner who'd spent a lot of hours with Montserrat, it didn't sound like he knew her very well.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat graciously accepted her plate from the waiter and readily picked up her fork to begin eating. She stopped, however, when she noticed Jonah's crinkled nose. She was having barbecued chicken.

"That's disgusting," he said flatly.

"You're just being a baby," she pointed her fork at him. "But I know you did not come here to pick a fight with me."

"Never," Jonah smiled back. "So, your SVU crew seem nice."

"They are...something," Montserrat nodded slowly. "But they are wonderful people to work with."

"And your new partner? Seems like a nice guy."

"Sonny? Yeah. Too much sometimes. He and my roommate are dating, actually, so we do spend a lot more time than the others."

"Really? Isn't that kind of weird?"

"Yeah, but, like you said, Sonny's a nice guy so it's alright," Montserrat shrugged.

"What about the others? Are they like our squad?"

"Well, there's definitely no one matched like Eliza," Montserrat thought about her old co-detective. "Eliza's got a temper that not even Nick can outmatch."

Jonah laughed. "You know she's pregnant, right?"

"Shut up!?" Montserrat gaped for a full minute. "Is she really!?"

"Oh yeah. She got married a couple months ago."

"My God, what else did I miss?"

"Um, Everett transferred to Narcotics last month. He wanted to be like you and explore new openings," Jonah shrugged. "We got a newbie, Detective Hunter. He's okay but he's got some learning to do."

"What about Colette?" Montserrat remembered the petite brunette who always had a snippy remark for their smartass suspects.

"She's there. She's actually studying for the Sergeant's exam," Jonah smiled. "We think she'll make it."

"Oh she definitely would," Montserrat said with a happy sigh. Whether or not she wanted to, she started thinking about her old squad, her friends. She hadn't talked to them in over a year.

"They miss you, you know," Jonah said, as if reading her thoughts. "We all do. The way you left, it was...it was pretty sudden, Montse. Felt like you wanted nothing to do with us anymore and we didn't even know why."

Montserrat sighed again, more weary than the first time. "That wasn't what I wanted, but...I had to."

"It was that Hallie D'Amico case, huh?" Jonah watched Montserrat wince at the name. "You were in too deep in that case."

"Yeah, I was," Montserrat honestly agreed. "Learned my lesson."

"What happened?" Jonah asked. "I mean, one moment we were celebrating D'Amico's arrest and then the next...you were gone. You didn't even testify against her."

"I couldn't look her in the face," Montserrat said quietly, her fingers gripping her fork in her hand. "I...I couldn't look any of her workers in the face." And the only one she would've liked to see in court hadn't even been caught.

"Montserrat, we were all really worried about you. You changed numbers, right?" Jonah's question was that and partly an accusation. "I called you, Eliza did, Colette...we all did, but you never tried calling us back."

Montserrat swallowed hard and, without realizing, she began to pick at the skin around her fingers. It was the habit she took to doing whenever her anxiety over her rape got too close to her. "I-I'm sorry. I...it was a hard thing to do, but I needed to do it."

"You keep saying but _why_?" Jonah begged for the answer. It was a question the entire squad had asked each other and never got an answer for it.

Montserrat shook her head. She couldn't answer it, even if she'd wanted to. Because, answering meant telling him the truth and she didn't want that getting out there.

Jonah seemed to have something else to say, despite not getting an answer from her. "There's another reason why I stopped by to see you. Your Sergeant came to visit Captain Carroll last month." He could instantly tell Montserrat hadn't known about that. She was giving him a look of disbelief, ready to argue against him. "I don't know what she had to say, but she looked pretty mad yet satisfied when she left Carroll's office."

"Olivia wouldn't have any necessity to talk with Carroll," Montserrat said quietly. "She doesn't even know Carroll."

"Look, all I know is that three weeks later Captain Carroll retired," Jonah leaned forwards on the table. "And we all know Carroll was intending on staying until she was forced to leave."

"How do we know that's not what happened, then? They could've just-"

"-because Carroll started acting weird after Benson visited her," Jonah answered. "She looked kind of guilty, if I had to say it. She was distant, out of place...not the Carroll we knew. She left, Montserrat, just like you did. No one's been able to get in contact with her."

Montserrat stared at him with glossy eyes. She wished, _wished_ , it wasn't true but...Jonah wouldn't lie about something like that. And knowing Olivia, it did make sense.

"But _you_ know why," Jonah said, startling her out of her thoughts. There was a growing accusation etching across his face and it made Montserrat shift even when she tried to fight it. "God, I know there's something you're keeping from me and the rest of the squad at Queens. You know why Carroll left. Why she doesn't want us to find her."

"I don't know," Montserrat shrugged, but Jonah wasn't having it. She felt her food coming back up her throat. Should she run? _That would make you a child_ , she berated herself.

"I'm not an idiot, Montserrat," Jonah snapped. "You left us. Why would you do that?"

Montserrat opened her mouth, but as much as she wanted to...she couldn't say anything. That fact only irritated Jonah more.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat practically stormed into the bullpen, making a beeline for Olivia's office. She ignored Nick's calls of 'where was Amanda?' and went straight for Olivia's door.

"We need to talk!"

Olivia, on her part, was pretty rattled to find a fuming Montserrat in front of her. She pulled her glasses and settled them on the desk. "What's going on, Novak?"

Montserrat made sure the door was closed behind before she got started. "You visited my old Captain? Morgan Carroll?" Olivia's eyebrows raised together but she didn't look like she would be denying it. "Oh my God!"

"I had to do something, Montserrat," Olivia started getting up while Montserrat entered a frantic state.

"You didn't have to do anything! It wasn't your call to visit Carroll! _That's_ why Jonah's here! Carroll retired because of you, Olivia!"

"She took the easy way out again, then," Olivia moved around her desk, reaching out to calm Montserrat down but the detective shook the hands away.

"You didn't have to do that!"

"I _did_ because someone had to let Carroll know you were not alone. Just because she forced you to stay quiet about your rape, doesn't mean-"

"-she didn't make me do anything!"

"She did! That's exactly what manipulation is, Montserrat and I know that you know that."

Montserrat stayed quiet for a few seconds to give Olivia a look. "Carroll made the call she thought was right for the case."

"But not for _you_. Montserrat, a good Captain makes the best call for their squad."

"She brought down D'Amico because I kept my mouth shut. We got that terrible drug lord out of the streets. Don't tell me that coming forwards and pressing charges would've been better. Least this way we got one of them in jail."

"But your rapist is still out there, _free_ ," Olivia gently reminded. She noticed Montserrat picking at her fingers and realized it was a nervous tick. "Carroll was a terrible person and I am so sorry that I couldn't do more than getting her to retire. If it was up to me, she'd be put in jail too."

"For what?" Montserrat wearily asked. Her eyes were getting teary the more she thought about things. It was horrible thinking about this stuff all over again. She hadn't actually done it in weeks now, a full month even. "She's not the one who raped me. She's not the one who hurt me, my _soul_ …"

Olivia looked at the woman with sympathy. "No, but she let him get away when she could've brought him in. I wish I could do that for you, Montserrat. I really wish I could."

Montserrat's shoulders shook lightly while she tried to contain her tears, but thinking about Carroll, D'Amico, her rapist and Olivia's kind words…

Her tears spilled from her eyes as she burst into tears. Olivia took the woman into a tight hug, much like she did with other victims.

~ 0 ~

The next day, Montserrat (and unknowingly to her, Amanda) called in sick. Montserrat didn't even bother getting up from bed. It seemed like it was just so easy to fall back in that funk. She avoided calls from Kara - who was outside in the hallway - she avoided Olivia's, even Jonah's.

"Montserrat?" Kara knocked on her bedroom door. "Please come out. You haven't done this in a while, girl. What happened?"

"Just leave me alone!" came the snap from Montserrat. And after the third time, Kara seemed to get the message.

But still, it didn't stop Kara from attempting to call all day that day. By the time she locked up the salon, she felt like it was worry-worthy now. And that's exactly what she told Sonny when she visited the precinct.

"She hasn't done this in months and suddenly today she doesn't want to come out of her room?" Kara looked as concerned as she was sounding.

"Maybe she just wasn't feeling well?" Sonny offered the alternate thought, but Kara shook her head.

"No, I know this believe me," she looked at the others. "Did something happen yesterday? Something that could've upset her?"

"No, she looked pretty good to us," Fin shrugged then looked to Nick for some help. "Right?"

"Yeah," Nick agreed. "She talked with Olivia and then she went home."

"Olivia?" Kara repeated, her eyes flickering to the sergeant's office. "What about?"

"We don't know," Sonny knew exactly where Kara's mind was going to. "But Olivia would never do anything to upset Montserrat."

"Well somebody did something -" Kara gasped all of a sudden and raised a finger in the air, "Where the hell is that snarky, yet good looking, ADA of yours?" She did an actual spin just to see if Rafael was anywhere nearby.

"He's not here and you need to calm down," Sonny tried to reach for her arm but she took off.

"I don't know what Barba did but he's going to get it," Fin said with a sneaky laugh.

Sonny shook his head and rushed after Kara. And even as he tried to stop her, she made a very determined trip to the DAs building. When she was mad as hell, she could be quite scary.

"What are you even going to do?" he trailed after her in the hallway. "Yell at Rafael for something he probably has no clue about?"

"You men always stick together when you shouldn't," she scoffed at him.

"I'm not picking sides, I'm just saying a big possibility-"

"-oh just leave me alone! I'm trying to help Montserrat!"

Sonny stopped at the threshold and gave a nod at Carmen. "And somehow, I don't think this is going to help," he mumbled.

Kara marched herself right into Rafael's office without so much of a knock. "You need to fix this!"

Rafael looked up from his paperwork with the same confused face the others had after Kara visited them. "Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb with me!" she went up to his desk and slammed her hands down on the desk. "Montserrat suddenly chooses not to leave her bedroom at all? Right after you two 'decide'-" she did air quotation marks with her fingers, "-not to date? Seriously? What did you do to her?"

It was in that split moment that Rafael wondered how the hell Sonny and Montserrat put up with this woman. "Okay," he let his pen drop on the desk. "You want to tell me what the hell is going on? It's always so lovely when you visit."

"What did you do to Montse?"

"Nothing. I haven't seen her since she went out to lunch with her...partner," Rafael couldn't help the sour tinge in his tone. It's why he was engrossed with paperwork. Signatures here, signatures there, details over there...all of it just to keep his mind occupied.

Kara raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you lying?"

"No! You think I'd let you yell at me if I did something like that? Contrary to your thoughts, I don't enjoy hurting Montserrat."

"...okay…" Kara leaned away from his desk. "On an unrelated note, I totally do _not_ support your decision but right now I'm really worried about Montserrat. Something upset her yesterday."

"Was it that overly-cheery detective from Homicide, maybe?"

"What overly-cheery detective from Homicide?"

It was Rafael's turn to give the woman a look. "Jonah what-ever-his-name is from Queens Homicide. He was here. Imagine he still is."

"I don't - okay," Kara let herself fall into one of the chairs behind her. "So, I'm not the culprit, neither is the rest of SVU, though Olivia is still pending-"

"-Olivia's what-"

Kara raised a finger for him to stop talking, "-and you're head-over jealous about this Jonah guy so it's definitely not you-"

Rafael glared at her but she ignored that as well. "-I am not-"

"-so then I gotta talk to this Jonah and then maybe bang down Montserrat's door or something." She folded her arms and sighed. "I feel like I'm gonna go crazy."

"Really? Cos I feel like you already are," Rafael mumbled that not so quietly. She threw him a look for his words but all he did was give one back.

"This is pointless," she pushed herself up from her chair. "Sorry for bothering you...and for shouting at you...and accusing you…" she turned to leave and go find Sonny when Rafael called out for her.

"Is Montserrat really that bad?"

Kara turned sideways and nodded. "Yeah. She's doing that thing where she locks herself up, literally. When she first moved in, she did that a lot. Kind of like she was...depressed or something. She'd have her ups and downs but it seemed to decrease when she started working here. So I'm a little worried that she's...falling...again."

Rafael could understand that. It would definitely explain her endeavor to get answers from him. "If you need any help…"

Kara nodded. "Thanks. I'll let you know."

When Rafael was left alone, he started to think about Montserrat's odd behavior. If he was being honest, he had to agree with Kara in that it'd been a pretty long time since Montserrat exhibited any weird behavior. The times where she would lose herself in thoughts had been shortened almost to the point of being non-existent. Her cryptic words had seemingly disappeared as well. Something had to trigger her and for a trigger to even be needed meant Montserrat dealt with something big.

Rafael couldn't go back to paperwork for that night. He began to doubt he'd get work done the next day as well if he didn't do something.

~0~

It was near noon when Montserrat got up from bed, but even then it was in pajamas and only because someone was relentlessly knocking at the door. She grabbed a robe and tied it close to her body then dragged her feet out of the room.

She didn't know what to do when she found Rafael standing on the other side, except say, "Oh God, did Kara put you up to this?"

Rafael shook his head. "No. I don't get influenced so easily."

Despite her mood, Montserrat had to scoff. "Do you not work with Olivia Benson?"

"Yes, and one Montserrat Novak too." He gave her a teasing smile she rolled her eyes to. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Montserrat sighed and turned away.

Rafael closed the door behind them and watched her languidly walk for the kitchen table. "Still in pajamas?"

"Aren't you supposed to be working or something?" Her snap seemed to be part of a low tolerance for pretty much anything right now. She seemed agitated as well.

"It's lunch," he reminded. "Have you had any?"

"No. I'm not hungry. What did you need?"

"To see you like this in order to believe it." Montserrat threw him a look for his blunt words but being who he was, Rafael didn't waver. He meant exactly what he said. "Kara's right. It's been a long time since you've acted like this."

"Like what?" Montserrat took a seat at the table. She brought a hand to the side of her neck and rubbed her fingers over it, but even the languid manner was off.

"Odd," Rafael sat next to her and watched her carefully. "When you first started working here, there were a lot of moments where you would get lost in thoughts. Hell, you did that when we got lunch or dinner. And then when you would come back, it was like an entire wave crashed over you because it looked like you were ready to fall."

"I'm fine-"

"Do not belittle my intelligence, Montserrat Novak," Rafael expected her to go off with that warning, but instead she leaned her arms on the table and rested her head over them.

"Okay," she flatly said. She seemed so lifeless, it was…

Familiar, actually. It was too familiar. He'd been right before when he once compared her to the victims he often saw. It was the same distant eyes, the same languid movements, the lifeless tone...

"What happened?" he asked her, trying to keep some of his urgency hidden. He was beginning to understand...

Montserrat shifted her head to meet his expectant look. "Nothing." But the more she looked at him, the more she started to think he was suspecting. The mere thought made her immediately sit up and change her entire body demeanor. Her shoulders seemed to raise while her head lowered a bit. "Why are you asking it like that? I'm just having a bad day. Am I not allowed?"

Defensiveness. Montserrat was timid right now - an act alone that set off alarms - yet there was a fierceness ready to defend herself from any accusations thrown at her.

 _Something happened_. Now Rafael wasn't sure what it was but he knew it had to be big enough, something strong enough to impact her like this; something that made her have setbacks once in a while. And if he kept prying when she wasn't ready, she'd hate him forever. So, he did what the situation offered at the moment.

He placed one hand over hers on the table and looked at her with kindness. "You're right. You _are_ allowed. I just ask that you do not seclude yourself. There are so many people around you, Montserrat. Don't forget that." Montserrat nodded a shaky nod. "And if this whole thing has to do with that Jonah guy, you remind him you don't owe him anything. You can also shoot him if you need to. I'll look the other way. So will Casey."

Montserrat's face slowly formed a smile before it became an actual laugh.

Yeah, so maybe Rafael was just a little bit jealous. But she'd never know. He would just make sure he was there when she needed him.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Ah this episode was a ride to write!


	25. Owing Zero

Flashes of cop cars and ambulances illuminated the night street. SVU had picked up a robbery and rape late in the night and were all over the scene.

"You're here," Sonny's surprise made Montserrat roll her eyes, though there was a tiny smile on her face as she walked up to the scene.

She definitely looked more put together than the last time they'd seen her. There was that sneaky smile on her face, the glint of 'it's time to work' was back in her eyes. "Who else would it be?" she responded since she was aware, from Olivia's texts, that Amanda was MIA again.

You doin' better, then?" Sonny walked alongside her towards the victims' house, which turned out to be quite big and elegant.

"A little," Montserrat shrugged her shoulders. "So, what do we got?"

Sonny led her into the house that turned out to be even more elegant on the inside. It was crystal white, though now tarnished with overturned furniture and broken glass.

"It's a Brazilian diplomat's home. Perp uses the security keypad, enters, pulls a gun, ties the husband up, rapes the wife. He took some cash but left her jewelry and electronics."

Montserrat stopped in front of an empty wall that had marks of where a portrait once hung. "And I'm assuming we got some missing art?"

"Major case is sending over their art crimes expert," Sonny said and was met with surprised eyes.

"Art crimes expert?"

"Apparently some significant paintings were stolen."

Olivia walked into the home, along with Amanda, and was surprised to find Montserrat inside. However, the sergeant seemed to be pleased once it hit her. "Novak, glad to have you back."

Montserrat nodded. "Duty calls and I think I'm taking advantage of my sick days."

"Alright," Olivia looked ahead to where Fin was interviewing the presumed-to-be husband, "Let's go see what we have."

Amanda tailed behind the sergeant looking pretty rattled for a detective who'd been around these crimes more than she could count.

"Does Amanda seem off to you?" Montserrat meant only for Sonny to hear, but instead she got Nick on the side answering her.

"Yes! Finally someone agrees!"

"Okay…" Montserrat cleared her throat. Maybe she'd missed out more than she thought.

~ 0 ~

Though their case had the potential to be a big one since the victims were foreigners and diplomats, both of them seem to shut down.

Olivia had all the papers of their call last night set on the conference table. She was going through each of them just to make sure they had the right details since there was a clear contradiction between now and last night. "So the diplomat told the responding detective that he saw the rapist's face, but he told you that the rapist wore a mask?" he locked eyes with Fin since he was the one who interviewed the husband.

"Yeah," Fin gave the confirming nod.

"And how's the wife?"

"She shut down," Montserrat answered. She and Amanda tried to interview the wife but as soon as she saw them, she told them she didn't remember anything. "Maybe she's in shock."

"Or they know the perp and they're afraid of him," Sonny threw the idea out there which, logically thinking, could very well be it.

"Well, the assailant knew them-" Nick started counting off his fingers, "-knew their door code, which paintings to take…"

"So the rape is to throw us off?" Olivia made a face at him, not quite getting it.

"Or send a message."

"You know what? I can pull the front door security video, check for other cameras on the block," Amanda volunteered. She opened up her laptop to do the task but, for some reason, shifted when Nick moved to stand behind her and watch. "Okay, so the front door video's just gone."

"Well, the perp had to have taken it," Montserrat shrugged. "Not surprising. If anything, it just shows he's pretty damn smart."

"I found a good camera from across the street," Amanda said, but Sonny yelped behind her since she was zipping through the feed.

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down! You can't see a thing!"

"I got it, Carisi," Amanda rolled her eyes.

"This is going nowhere," Nick moved to take a seat next to Montserrat. "The victim wouldn't even do a rape kit so we've got nothing from her."

"But CSU recovered semen and hair from the crime scene. They're running the DNA," Fin said.

"Then we wait," Olivia rose from her chair and looked at Montserrat. "My office, Novak."

 _Of course_. Montserrat sighed but nodded. She got up from her seat, ignoring the looks from the rest of the squad, and followed Olivia to her office.

"You look a lot better today, Montse," Olivia said as soon as the door was shut. She flashed one of her mother-hen smiles at the detective.

"Yeah, well, a friend helped," Montserrat said softly.

Olivia noticed the smile Montserrat was trying to keep hidden. "Well, I'll be sure to thank Kara when I see her."

"Mhm," Montserrat's eyebrows raised together since her sarcasm was threatening to spill. Yeah, she'd let Olivia think it was Kara. Better that way.

"And look, I _am_ sorry I visited your old Captain," Olivia knew that despite having the best intentions, she didn't go about it the right way. "I wanted to help and I-I wanted Carroll to know that you were not alone. I went over. I'm sorry."

"I know you are," Montserrat nodded. Olivia Benson was incapable of being evil. "I just...I don't know if that was good or bad for me. Carroll retired which...I don't know, could mean that she does feel guilty."

"Oh, believe me, she was," Olivia still remembered the way Carroll looked after she yelled in the woman's face. "It is despicable that she manipulated you into staying quiet."

"Manipulated…" Montserrat repeated with a heavy breath. She chewed on her lower lip and bitterly chuckled. "I never really thought about it like that. That I was...manipulated." The realization that she was a victim had been a terrible moment, but the fact she'd been manipulated by her own Captain - a woman she looked up to - was a close second.

"You know...I know that you don't want to press charges, but...have you considered confronting Carroll?" Olivia knew it was a troublesome idea to throw out there, but she only wanted Montserrat to get some type of closure. "It sounds difficult but...maybe it can do you some good."

"I...never thought about that," Montserrat admitted. "My last interaction with Captain Carroll was a formal but with a clearly tensed atmosphere. To see her again...I don't know what that would do to me. Plus, even if I wanted to, Jonah said she retired and that no one's been able to contact her since then."

"We'd find her," Olivia said with absolute certainty.

"I have to think about that," Montserrat decided it would be better to think about the option when she wasn't at work.

"Okay," Olivia nodded. "But I'm here for you, alright?"

A small smile graced Montserrat's face. "I know. A lot of people are."

~0~

"Hey, we got a hit on the DNA," Fin announced to the rest of the squad. "Carlos Riva."

Amanda blinked in what anytime would call shock. "A-are you sure? I mean, he's in the system, and he leaves his DNA at the scene?"

"I take back what I said about the 'smart' thing," Montserrat muttered to Sonny.

"Does he have any record?" Nick asked Fin.

"He got a gun charge that just got dropped."

"Well, how do we have his DNA then?" Amanda still couldn't get over her surprise.

"Had a misdemeanor last fall, stalking in the fourth degree. He got it pled down to domestic assault."

"Good thing New York finally authorized all crimes DNA," Montserrat waved her pen in the air.

"He must've not realized that," Amanda said slowly, as if coming to terms with it. "He must've thought that once the gun charge was dropped his DNA wasn't in the system."

"So we're looking for an idiot," Sonny remarked.

"Aren't we always?" Montserrat had to think about it.

"The arrest report says he was a driver at a Chelsea art gallery," Fun read off more from their report. "I say we follow up with this gallery, see if he still works there."

"Guys, I've been on 16 hours," Amanda rubbed her face and offered her team a weak smile, silently asking to be let free.

"You go," Fin told the blonde. "We got this."

As Amanda hurriedly grabbed her things and made a hasty stride out of the bullpen, Fin watched Nick's lingering look on her. "Whatever you're thinking…don't."

Nick didn't have to say anything to indicate he was dying to know what Amanda was doing. And truth be told, the others were curious too.

~0~

It'd been a while since Montserrat visited Dr. Weslin and she felt like there was a lot of things she needed to get off her chest. It started from her birthday - which was, in general, troublesome before anything else - to Rafael, then the setback with Captain Carroll and, most recently, Jonah's appearance. It was the only free space Montserrat could use to say everything she thought without fearing the consequences.

"I'm very sorry you've been having a rough time," Weslin said after Montserrat finally finished. "But the way you've handled things...I'm happy to see you dealing with them."

"Well, I don't think I've been dealing with them in the most mature way," Montserrat admitted. "I've been reclusive, I've-I've been screaming. I've done a lot of screaming actually." If it wasn't for professionalism, Weslin might have chuckled. Montserrat continued to think about her way of acting afterwards and made a face. "I'm not joking."

"No, I know you're not."

"But even after all that, my friends...they still helped me. I'm grateful for that." Montserrat nodded at herself but as she continued to think about her latest period of life, it was hard to keep a head held high all the time. "Even if things don't always work out...I am grateful...for things. People."

Weslin lowered her head as a curious expression settled across her face. "Do we want to continue about these certain people?"

Montserrat's face was an unsure one. "There's not much left to say."

Her defeated tone was something Weslin took note of. "Sounds like it's final."

"Isn't it?" a weak smile left Montserrat's face. Even if she didn't want to keep talking about it, the words kept leaving her mouth. She supposed it was the fact she had the reigns of the conversation here. "I just don't have the energy to keep arguing with Rafael about this. What's the point? He's as stubborn as I am. Changing his mind is...next to impossible."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Weslin offered the woman a kind smile.

Montserrat shrugged because it was the only thing she could think of to do. "Least now I can try to move on. But you know, if it wasn't for Kara putting these ideas in my head...none of this would've happened. I probably wouldn't even have looked twice at this…" her hand made a gesture in front of her, "...stubborn, snarky ADA." Weslin kept a locked stare on Montserrat, no real expression on her face but it was enough for Montserrat to think twice and sigh. "Okay, maybe I would have. Much later, but...probably would have."

"I think it's good for you to admit that out in the open," Weslin said. "It's part of that moving on thing you want to do."

Montserrat sighed again but agreed with Weslin. She couldn't move on if she didn't accept her fault. And part of her fault - if not all of it - was that _she_ kissed Rafael because _she_ wanted to. It was not Kara. It wasn't even Rafael. It was _her_. All her.

"Yeah, I know," Montserrat glumly said. "But you know, the parts where I should be more confrontational is where I am alarmingly not."

"How do you mean?"

"You know how I mentioned my old partner was in town? I sort of had my go with my sergeant because of what Jonah told me. Turns out Olivia visited my old Captain and now the woman, suddenly, retired."

"You think it was connected?"

"Oh, I know it was," Montserrat nodded. "Olivia confronted Carroll about silencing my entire rape case. I guess she guilt tripped Carroll so much she decided to leave the police department. And now Liv is suggesting I find Carroll so I can...get things off my chest."

"Confront her," Weslin concluded. "How did you respond?"

"Same as always: 'I don't know'," Montserrat shook her head. "Story of my life. This is my case - my unsolved, not even started case - and I'm not sure about anything."

"Well, let's start with this: how does the idea of seeing Captain Carroll make you feel?"

"Angry," Montserrat said instantly, almost automatically. It was a realization for her, actually. The idea she was still angry with her Captain - that she was angry in the first place was mind-rattling. "Oh my God...I'm angry with her."

Weslin watched silently as Montserrat came to the conclusion on her own. It was usually how it went in these sessions. With Montserrat thinking lucidly about things, her mind opened to new possibilities and...new realizations.

"I mean, I never really thought about how I felt towards Carroll. Back then, before I left Queens Homicide, I just thought Carroll was making a tough call. Not pursuing my case so that we could get this awful woman. And when I got out of there, I made my personal mission to erase everything from that place...including my old squad." Montserrat gazed down at her fingers that were picking at each other.

"Sometimes it's not about forgetting that gets you through," Weslin remarked. "You try to seal it away like it never happened. It doesn't necessarily bring closure."

"Confronting Carroll though…" Montserrat put some actual thought into the idea, now with the fact she would no doubt scream in the old woman's face, "It would be satisfying but...not the kind I'm looking for."

"How do you mean?" Weslin asked, though by the look on her face she might have already known what Montserrat would get at.

"Even if I do say everything to Carroll...I wouldn't be content...because it's not _him_ ," Montserrat particularly picked at a spot near her left hand's thumb nail. She'd already picked at it so much she'd drawn blood from it last night. "I could scream in Carroll's face, at everyone who silenced the case...but it wouldn't be enough." Her dark eyes looked up from her open thumb wound and, for a minute, displayed hard hatred. Her voice even lowered. "They're not the man who hurt me. And that's why I don't want to confront Carroll."

~ 0 ~

It really seemed like SVU couldn't catch a break this week. If it wasn't their victims, then it was their actual employees.

Montserrat tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she watched footage of Amanda, wearing a cap meant to shield her face from security cameras, successfully checked out a gun belonging to the culprit of their recent rape. "This cannot be real," she looked up at Nick and Fin in shock.

"It is," Nick gave the low nod of his head. "I told you that something was up with her-"

Montserrat shut the laptop in front of her. "-yeah, but I thought she was just...I don't know...having a secret relationship or something! I didn't think it was...this!"

"That makes two," Sonny walked up to her desk with a cup of coffee in hand. He'd already watched the horrible footage.

"It gets worse," Fin hated to admit. "We got her at the Brazilian couple's house two nights ago when she was out sick."

"And there's more. Rollins brought in an elimination DNA sample-"

"-okay, stop!" Montserrat waved her hands to stop both of them. The more they went, the less she recognized Amanda. "I just...Amanda wouldn't do any of this stuff just because. She has to be in trouble."

"Doesn't matter, she's doing the wrong things now," Sonny shrugged. "We're showing this to Liv and...it'll be out of our hands."

"But we have to help Amanda too, not just throw her under the bus," Montserrat's insistence was met with some kind of agreement from Fin.

Still, Sonny was right. They needed to show everything they had to Olivia and let the sergeant make the decision how to proceed.

"Hey, where _is_ Amanda right now?" Montserrat whispered to Sonny after Nick and Fin had gone into Olivia's office.

Sonny shrugged again. "Don't know. Called in sick again. But hey, I gotta ask you something…" Montserrat raised an eyebrow at his questionable shifting. "Kara just...she said she wanted to have dinner with her brother and her parents."

Montserrat really tried her best not to laugh. Sonny had suddenly become so nervous it was...yeah, she was a terrible person.

"I gotta ask how they are…" Sonny continued on, very grateful she wasn't laughing in his face already. "I've only met Damien once and that was for a few minutes."

"He's nice and funny," she waved him off. "And Kara's parents are so nice."

"Well yeah but they might only be nice to you because you're Kara's best friend. They might not share the same sentiment towards me…"

"...because you're screwing their daughter?"

Sonny deadpanned her and yet all she did was smile. He ultimately shook his head at her and moved on. "I am a little nervous here. It's tomorrow night at your place."

"Huh, Kara didn't mention that…" Montserrat paused to think but she realized she'd shut herself up and hadn't really given Kara a chance to talk to her. "But you'll be fine, Sonny. You have a natural born talent at being...charming." She rolled her eyes at his smug smile. "Don't get any wrong ideas, Carisi."

"Oh, don't worry, I know where your feelings lie." It was now Sonny's turn to smile innocently.

Montserrat, for her part, glared but only for a minute. "Whatever. Just be yourself and I'm sure everything will be fine. Oh!" she raised a finger in the air so suddenly that Sonny's eyes widened a bit. "But if you want to be extra sweet, bring in a souffle. Kara's mom _loves_ a good souffle. It's funny, though, because Kara sucks at baking those."

"I know where I can get some good ones," Sonny started smiling as he thought about his gesture he'd definitely bring in. "Thanks, Montse."

"Of course," she shrugged. "You know I only kid about you and Kara, right? I actually am happy you guys are together and good."

Sonny smiled at the woman. "I know, Montse."

"Okay," Montserrat leaned back in her chair with a small smile. She then glanced in the direction of Olivia's office and wondered what the sergeant's reaction would be after hearing Amanda's rogue path.

~ 0 ~

That night, when Montserrat returned home, she saw Kara zipping around the apartment in an attempt to clean up. She had her hair tied up over her head, messy as if she'd been at this cleaning for hours. Without asking, Montserrat knew Kara must have been preparing for this dinner she hadn't known about.

"Hey!" Kara sent her roommate a cheery smile. "You're back! And early too!"

"Yeah, um, strange things are happening at SVU," Montserrat left it at. She wasn't even sure what Olivia and Fin would get out of talking with Amanda tonight. The woman was, as terrible as it sounded, done. If anything, Montserrat hoped they would at least be able to help Amanda recover.

"But you look better," Kara gestured at Montserrat's appearance. She tossed the rag in her hand to the coffee table. "I'm really glad to see it."

"Everyone says the same thing." Montserrat hated this awkwardness she knew she was responsible for. She'd been so rude to Kara and now...here she was.

Kara seemed to sense the awkwardness judging by the clearing of her throat. "So listen, I haven't had the chance to tell you…" she moved around the coffee table, "I'm having dinner-"

"-with Sonny and your family," Montserrat smiled at how shocked Kara was to learn that she already knew the plans. "Yeah, Sonny told me earlier. He's pretty nervous."

"Montse, I was planning on telling you but you were having a bad day and-"

Montserrat raised a hand to stop Kara. "It's okay, Kara. You didn't have to tell me-"

"-course I did," Kara nodded. "You're my best friend. I tell you everything just like...I hope you do too." Even if she didn't mean it in an accusing tone, she felt guilty for her choice of words. Still, Montserrat let it go because, well, Kara was right. "You're more than welcome to stay for dinner. You're part of my family too."

"It's okay, Kara. I can stay at Casey's," Montserrat shrugged. "But please tell me how nervous Sonny was because then I can tease him the next day."

Kara playfully rolled her eyes. "Glad to see you're definitely back." Montserrat agreed with a nod. "And you know, you could tell me anything...like what was upsetting you? I went on a rampage trying to find the culprit-"

"-I know," Montserrat once again nodded. "And thanks for that."

"I know it's none of my business but I have to ask if it was because of Rafael…?"

Montserrat visibly shifted. "It wasn't, actually. And you know what, while we're on this subject...I'd appreciate if we didn't bring up that topic anymore."

Kara's face softened once she realized Montserrat was planning on moving on. "So then...things are really over?"

Montserrat's eyebrows raised while her expression flickered between resignation and something akin to disheartening. "I guess so." She walked past Kara, letting her bag's strap fall from her shoulders. She tossed it to the couch and started pulling her coat off.

"Montse, I'm so sorry," Kara turned after her friend. "I was so sure you two would get together, I mean...you're kind of the same."

A loud snort left Montserrat's finger as she raised a finger in the air. "I don't know, maybe that's the problem. We're too much alike."

"Still..."

"Kara we're doing that thing I asked not to do anymore," Montserrat shook her head.

"Sorry," Kara dutifully apologized. "But I _am_ sorry things didn't work out."

"Yeah," Montserrat sighed. She looked around the apartment and saw Kara had done quite a good job so far with the cleaning. "You want some help?"

"Um…" Kara bit her lip, "It's not your dinner. Definitely not your boyfriend. You don't have to-"

"-okay, I'll take over the living room and you finish the kitchen," Montserrat grabbed the rag Kara had tossed to the couch. "We'll finish faster if we do it together. Like always."

A grin came to Kara's face. "Like always."

~ 0 ~

Amanda Rollins was a force to be reckoned with. She not only duped con artists and most of SVU, but she finished an ongoing, 2 year undercover job in the span of three days. The only problem was the fact she lied all the way through it, even to her friends.

"What was I supposed to do? I was working undercover!" the blonde detective was having a shouting match with Nick in the bullpen. The others she could argue at a normal volume, but Nick was always more easily irritable. "I couldn't go blabbing it to everyone!"

"You didn't tell anyone," Sonny pointed out only to receive a death glare in return.

"I think what Sonny and the others mean to say is we're a little upset you had to keep it from us," Montserrat spoke up for the first time after hearing the entire story. "Not to say we don't understand why, because of course we understand why. Right, fellas?" she gave each of the men a warning look to just nod their heads.

"Rollins!" Olivia suddenly called from her office. They hadn't had the chance to speak with her since Amanda arrived, but the squad knew that Olivia was informed of Amanda's doings before they did.

Amanda took in a deep breath and turned for the office.

"She is about to get it," Nick muttered as he dropped into his desk.

Montserrat shot him a glare he completely missed. She understood that Amanda had done wrong, she absolutely understood, but now it was up to them to give the proper solution. The fact was Amanda had fallen into this mess because she'd been at an illegal gambling place and yet no one seemed to be paying attention to that detail. Montserrat did. She hoped Olivia did too.

Ten minutes after Amanda had been called into the office, the door re-opened and out came the blonde detective. She had red, glossy eyes she tried to keep hidden as she came to pick up her jacket from her desk.

"Hey Amanda-" Fin tried to talk to her but the woman made a hasty way out.

"That can't be good," Sonny remarked. Nick nodded and looked after Amanda.

Montserrat suddenly got up from her chair and turned for Olivia's office.

"What are you doing?" called Nick.

"Something stupid, probably," she answered on her way. She gave a light knock on the door and poked her head inside. "Liv?"

Olivia was at her desk, staring at some papers but Montserrat knew the woman hadn't been paying attention to them. "Did you need something?"

Montserrat walked in and shut the door. "I, um...Amanda just left?"

"Uh, yeah," Olivia gave a nod. "She's done."

Montserrat blinked as the words processed in her head. "She's...what? Like... _done_ -done?"

"Yes," Olivia nodded again. "She's done here. I'm transferring her. We can spare one."

"Wait a minute," Montserrat hurried up to the desk and sat down. "You can't do that. She needs us."

"What?" Olivia gave the detective a crazed look. "You know what she did-"

"-yes and it's exactly why you can't send her away." Montserrat sighed and scooted her chair closer to the desk. "Amanda's hit rock bottom and instead of sending her away to some precinct that won't care about her...we should help her."

Olivia's mouth opened but nothing came out. She was stunned to hear this very different perspective on the situation. "She lied. A woman was raped-"

"-and do you honestly believe Amanda could have set that up? That she could've gone through with that?" Montserrat was horrified to see Olivia having to even _consider_ it. "Olivia! Amanda has a problem. Please...please don't turn your back on her. You've helped me how many times?"

"That is different," Olivia pointed.

"No, it's not," Montserrat said quietly. "I was undercover too."

"That was your job that you did on legal terms. Amanda was at a gambling casino because she wanted to be!"

"And she regrets that! Olivia, you know that if you send Amanda away it'll only hurt her more. She can spiral without the right support." Montserrat paused for a moment to calm down. She didn't come in to argue. She wanted to make Olivia see her point. "You have helped me countless times and I know you've helped the others too. I think Amanda deserves the same. One more chance."

Olivia opened her mouth again but the words failed her and instead she sighed. She seemed tired...and with good reason. "I...I will think about it."

"Thank you," Montserrat rose from her chair. She walked out of the office and went straight to her desk.

"What did you do in there?" Sonny asked her as soon as she sat down.

"Just talked," the ginger smiled like nothing had happened.

By lunch time, Montserrat was confident Olivia had re-thought the whole transfer process. The Sergeant seemed to be in a better mood that would hopefully stay for when she spoke to Amanda again.

"I'm going out for lunch," Montserrat announced to the rest. "Anyone wanna join?"

"No thanks," Nick answered first, not even looking up from his screen. Fin said the same thing but at least he looked up to shake his head.

"Pass too," Sonny said last.

"Right, you'll be eating light for dinner tonight," she flashed him a smirk while she put her coat on. She grabbed her things and went on her way.

She made it into the elevator and down with ease. It was on her way out of the building that she came into some trouble...or perhaps not trouble just...annoyance.

"Montserrat," called Jonah from the sidewalk.

For a brief moment, Montserrat considered turning around and walking back into the precinct. She could do take out from her desk, after all. But, if she did that, then she wouldn't be able to say a couple things she thought of. "Haven't seen you in a few days," she remarked as she came down the final step of the precinct.

"Yeah, I, um...was giving you some space, to be honest," Jonah put his hands into his coat. "I'm sorry for demanding things from you. I'm just fed up with all this secrecy. First you leave us and then Carroll too? C'mon."

Montserrat's eyebrows knitted together as she tried to decide if this was an apology or the beginning of another demand. While she was stuck listening to Jonah, she missed the familiar figure walking towards the precinct.

Rafael recognized Jonah immediately. A wave of anger hit him first since he knew, in his mind was sure, that Jonah was responsible for Montserrat's recent mood. And then concern washed over. Concern that whatever Jonah said to Montserrat would make her fall back again. He had half a mind to go over there and take her away...but if he did that, Montserrat would surely kill him. But the closer he got, the more he could see her face and it honestly looked like she was going to be killing Jonah instead.

 _Nothing wrong with that_ , he thought then realized he actually thought that.

"I'm glad you came back, Jonah," Montserrat said honestly, "Because it gives me the chance to tell you something." Jonah looked expectant of her words so she delivered them without hesitation. "I don't owe you anything," she began and already surprised the man with her choice of words. "You were a great partner and the entire Queens squad was like a family to me, but not everything is what it seems over there. I don't regret leaving it and I definitely don't feel sorry that Carroll retired early."

Jonah was stunned. Very quickly his face turned into outrage and offense. "How can you say that!?"

"Very easily, actually," Montserrat said with a small smile. "Because I know that I am right. You don't know what happened and you never will. But hopefully without Carroll, your squad will be the best it could be."

"Montserrat...where is this coming from?" Jonah looked her over as if he wasn't seeing the same detective anymore.

"From my experience," Montserrat said loud and clear. She stepped closer to him, getting right in his face, "Watch your back."

"Is that a threat?"

"No. Just something else I say from experience," she offered the man a small, polite, smile before stepping away. "Goodbye, Jonah." In that moment, she could not have felt more satisfied with herself.

It seemed like the same applied to Rafael. He knew that smug face anywhere. When Montserrat saw him, her smugness faltered but not by much.

"You seem to be in a good mood," he remarked.

"Am I?" she pretended to be casual but her widened smile betrayed her.

"What did you say to the poor man?" Rafael caught Jonah's figure heading down the opposite street. "Not that I feel sorry for him."

"Just the truth," Montserrat shrugged. "Actually, you kind of inspired me to do it."

"Oh, then I definitely am not sorry for him."

Montserrat laughed. "Remember that thing you told me way back when I first started working here? No one being entitled to my secrets? You're still right about it."

As curious as he was to know what Montserrat was keeping back, Rafael wouldn't ask her. She seemed better this way and he wasn't going to ruin it. "I'm glad."

"That you're right?" Montserrat chuckled.

"No-"

"-just kidding! So, were you going in?" she made a nod at the precinct behind them.

"Yeah. Were you leaving?"

"For lunch. I'll be back later. Might get something completely barbecued."

Rafael's face scrunched at her. "That's blasphemy. Your tastes are…" he shook his head at her.

"I'll be sure to bring some back for you."

"Don't you _dare_ ," he said all too quickly.

Montserrat mirthlessly laughed at him. Oh yeah, she was back. Rafael definitely liked seeing her this way instead...even if it _was_ her laughing at him.

"I'll see you later," he said after it started getting old. He moved around her but only a few steps away, she called him again. He turned sideways just as she walked up to him, looking more serious now.

"Thanks for talking to me the other day," she bit her lower lip as if things were suddenly nerve-wrecking. "For what you said. It _was_ the reason I came back to work." She gently reached for one of his hands.

There was something in Rafael's chest that he couldn't make out. Seeing her open and... _soft_. Yes, he definitely wanted to hug her. _My God are you 17?_ he berated himself. "I…" he had to clear his throat in order to speak normally, "...I'm glad I could help."

Montserrat leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She pulled away with a smile that widened when she saw his shocked face. "See you later."

"Mhm," was all that came out of his mouth. _You are definitely 17._ He watched her leave like he was frozen to his spot.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Sooo I thought I updated this before I went on vacation for 3 weeks and I was pretty disappointed to find out I had _not_ updated. I hope everyone had fun in the holidays a lovely New Years!


	26. Playing the Game

Montserrat walked into the SVU bullpen with half her things in her hand. She was digging through her purse, searching for her chapstick. She seemed out of it, which was why when she heard all the significant noises from the bullpen she quickly looked up and found quite a busy scene in front of her.

Desks had been rearranged so that there was only one row where the familiar detectives were huddled at. To the left was a young UC pretending to be a 14 year old for, what Monsterrat imagined, were live cameras.

"Welcome back," she mumbled to herself as she dropped everything from her hands into her purse. At Olivia's request, and partially her own idea, Montserrat had taken a week off from SVU. It'd done her some good to be away from work and just everything in general. After things with Jonah...a break was needed. Montserrat felt rejuvenated and ready to go back to her world.

She just had no idea what she walked into.

"Ah, redhead, you must be Detective Novak," a man - who hadn't been sitting like the rest of the detectives - said as soon as he spotted Montserrat. He had shaggy brown hair with obvious signs of gray streaks.

Montserrat's dark eyes were wide from utter confusion. "Aha…" was all that came out of her mouth as the man shook her hands.

"Declan Murphy, acting commander of SVU" the man introduced himself then swiftly turned back to the scene like Montserrat had never even come in.

"...how long was I gone?" she said louder than she had wanted to. Her eyes immediately began to search for Olivia. When she didn't find her quick, Montserrat had a brief panic attack thinking Olivia had quit or something. "What the hell is going on here!?"

"Welcome back, Novak," Rafael came to stand beside her, holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

"I am so confused," she passed a hand through her hair. "Why do we have a new commanding officer? And where's Liv?"

"You didn't hear, did you?" Rafael asked after taking a moment to study her blissful expression. He almost didn't want to tell her what she missed out on.

"Hear what?"

"William Lewis escaped from prison. There was a whole manhunt for him," and yet as Rafael explained this, he could easily tell this was the first time Montserrat was hearing any of it, "He took Liv and held her hostage."

"Oh my God," she blinked. "I didn't - I shouldn't have left."

"You had nothing to do with it. Liv is...better, but 1PP thought it was a good idea to put Murphy in charge for a while."

"And yet you don't look like you think it was a good idea," Montserrat said soon as she caught him giving Murphy a glance.

"What makes you say that?"

"You're doing that thing where you crinkle one side of your nose."

Rafael blinked at her when he saw her pointing at him, specifically his nose. His own hand moved up just slightly until he caught himself. "What thing!?" he demanded.

"That thing you're doing right now! You always do that when you're annoyed."

Rafael dropped his hand on his side. "Welcome back, detective," he muttered and turned towards the others. "Liv's getting coffee, by the way."

Montserrat nodded. "Thanks." She hurried to leave things at her desk and find Olivia. She could not believe she missed so much. "Olivia! Oh my God! I am _so_ sorry for being away!" she burst into a fit of rambles when she ran into the break room.

Olivia seemed to have been expecting that sort of thing from the detective because all she did was smile and nod until Montserrat ran out of breath. "You're good, Novak. You were on a much needed vacation-"

"-but you were held hostage!"

"I'm good," Olivia reassured while languidly mixing in the sugar into her coffee. "And there were no charges filed against me anyways."

"Charges?" Montserrat gaped. "What charges!?"

"Never mind."

"Wait, what hap-"

"-c'mon," Olivia brought the woman out of the break room. "Did you meet Murphy yet?"

"Sort of. Seems kind of curt…"

"He's new-ish, but he's the one who helped Amanda out."

"Oh, he's _that_ Murphy!" Montserrat made that connection fast. "Well, he can't be that bad, then." All Olivia did was hum in return. "So what exactly is going on over there?"

Olivia followed Montserrat's gaze and nodded. "Undercover string for any online pedophiles."

"Oh. Welcome home, I guess," Montserrat concluded. Secretly, she wasn't upset. Being away helped finalize where she was in her life. Plus, putting some distance might have been a good idea for...other reasons.

Their operation, while successful, only left SVU with one perp in their district. And that perp wasn't exactly what SVU had been looking for when they thought of worldwide operation.

Gordon Montlieff wasn't going to lead to a huge discovery. That much they got from 5 minutes of observing his interrogation with Fin and Amanda.

"Why are we talking to this guy?" Montserrat tore her gaze away from the interrogation and gave Murphy side-glance. It was getting tedious watching the interrogation get nowhere. Rafael and Nick seemed to share the sentiment by their similar irritated looks. "We can just charge him and lock him up already."

"Detective, you've been gone for a while so you might have forgotten how things need to run here," Murphy's words already moved Montserrat further into Nick's corner. Within the hour of her arrival, she could tell that Nick didn't really like this guy. "This squad needs to evolve. Little cases make big cases."

"I may have been away for a week, but I know exactly how this place runs. You, on the other hand, have only been here for how many days?" Montserrat found herself saying in response. Behind her, those who shared her feelings smirked.

Murphy seemed surprised at her snap but, with his experience, he had an easier time ignoring what he looked at as disrespect with commands.

"Look, lieutenant, we're not dealing with a mastermind here," Nick stepped up to back up Montserrat.

"We don't know what we're dealing with," Murphy insisted. "TARU still working on his computer?" All the detectives nodded their heads. "Find out where they are. Meanwhile, Fin and Rollins will walk him up the ladder, see where he leads us."

"You're the boss," Nick sarcastically said and turned to leave. He prompted the others to follow him.

"Is it too early for me to say I don't like him?" Montserrat asked quietly and quickly in case Murphy re-opened the door behind them.

"Nope," went Nick who made a direct beeline for his desk, though probably not to do as Murphy asked.

"Just give him a chance," Amanda said. "He's not what we're used to but he is a good guy."

"No one's debating his morals, Rollins," Sonny began, but Rafael had to chime in.

"Some of us are. I've done my due diligence on this guy and some of the things I found have left me… quite perplexed." Rafael had a mini-stare down against Amanda, but eventually the blonde detective looked away.

"Let's just go," Amanda muttered to Fin before taking the lead out.

"What things did you find on Murphy?" Nick had to ask Rafael after the other two were gone.

"I'd rather not say," the ADA cleared his throat and looked, clearly, uncomfortable.

"He's speechless?" Montserrat pointed his way. "It's gotta be bad. Why can't Olivia just take the lieutenant's exam and be the official commanding officer here?"

"Because that would be too easy," Nick begrudgingly answered.

After getting nothing from Gordan, Murphy decided to up the game. He passed himself off as another pedophile caught by SVU and practically scared the crap out of Gordon which motivated him to talk. And when they found what he led them to...they really wish they hadn't.

But their job required not only to them to see it, but their ADA too as well.

"I would brace myself, Councilor," Sonny patted Rafael's shoulder once the latter had sat down at the conference room.

Rafael rolled his eyes at the detective but did notice the others' uncomfortableness while Amanda pulled up their evidence. Even Fin looked rather shaken and he hardly showed any shock after his time at SVU.

"Kids without shame?" he read off the bold title of the web screen.

"It's a chat room for pedophiles. So here's the guy that Gordon tipped us off to," Olivia motioned Amanda to move down the screen from her laptop. "He calls himself 'Erastes."

"I see him from my window playing in the P.S. 27 school yard…" Rafael started reading from the screen when he heard Montserrat clear her throat.

She was looking quite pale. "I wouldn't read that out loud…"

Rafael gave her a look but, as he was meant to, he kept going and soon realized what she meant. "Sweet faced, chubby. I imagine stringing him...up…" he swallowed hard, "...hearing him squeal. How long do you think it would take for the blood to run out if I hung him upside down?" He had to take a moment for himself and shake that off. "That's horrifying, but-" and he really hated having to point this out, "- _but_ it is on a site that explicitly says it's _fantasy_."

"He's talking about a real boy that he's seen," Nick countered.

"And you know this how?"

"We're giving you a heads-up, counselor, not asking for your blessing," Murphy declared and outright ignored Rafael's sharpened look. "I'm talking about one undercover meet. If it's just a fantasy, we walk away. And if it's not, do you want to be responsible for missing this?"

Oh, great, so now it was on _him_. This squad really liked squeezing him until he gave into whatever the hell they wanted. "Fine," he spat and got up from his seat. "One time. And you better get something good out of it."

There was an immediate debate about who would be going undercover and what the ruse would be. And some of them disagreed with the way things were chosen and handled.

"I need some drinks," Nick spat once Murphy, Amanda, Fin and Olivia had gone off for the undercover gig. He had complained about the entire gig to the remaining, including Rafael who had stuck by to listen to Nick's complaints. He sat at his desk and was practically ignoring the pile of work in front of him.

"You mean _bottles_?" Montserrat countered since she knew his mood stemmed from the one and only Declan Murphy.

Nick side-glanced her with a 'stop it' kind of look. "On me. Anyone?"

"I'll take some," Sonny rose from his chair with a finger raised in the air. He didn't complain out loud but he wasn't entirely devoted to Murphy's way of leading. "Councilor?"

"Sure," he gave in pretty easy, prompting the last detective to remark about it.

"Wow, you all will look lovely complaining about one Lieutenant," Montserrat smirked from one man to the next.

"You're free to join too," Nick gestured. "I know you don't like Murphy either."

"I didn't say that," she corrected but instead of believing her, all three men scoffed one after the other. "Oh shut up."

"C'mon, Montse," Sonny moved to her side of the desk and smiled down at the woman. "We can call Kara and make it a nice night out."

"Alright fine, since my presence is so desperately needed," she dramatically sighed and got pushed herself up from her seat. She grabbed her coat and purse and walked out with the trio.

~ 0 ~

Kara was ecstatic to have a night out. She was front and center even before the others arrived to their usual place.

"You look lovely," Sonny complimented her as soon as they met her outside. She was dressed in a nice tight, red dress.

"Thanks," Kara gushed and accepted his chaste kiss on her cheek before greeting the others.

"That looks familiar," Montserrat made a languid point at the outfit. She tilted her head and stared at it for a second before her eyes widened. "Hey, wait a second - that's _my_ dress!"

Something akin to a snort came out of Nick's mouth. "You own _that_?"

Montserrat glared at him. "Not a word, Amaro."

"Oh don't argue," Kara hushed them both. "I just thought it would look nice. And it does."

"Here's to having that self confidence," Montserrat muttered and followed inside.

They found the bar counter empty towards its end and gladly took those seats. Kara, Sonny and Rafael ordered their drinks first whilst the remaining two deliberated on their choices.

"I just want to try something new," Montserrat shrugged after being practically commanded by the others to stop being so picky. She was not, in fact, going to end up picking the same thing she usually did as stated by Kara.

"Try this one," Nick said before clearing his throat and calling to the bartender. "Mojito, please."

It was safe to say Montserrat had no idea what that was. "What...what did you order?"

"Something new," Nick smirked all too proudly.

"Am I going to get drunk in two sips? Because that's not what I was going for."

"Relax, it's a Cuban drink. It's literally just rum and lime juice."

Montserrat gave Nick a long stare before flickering gazes to Rafael for some extra confirmation. He gave a silent nod but it was good enough for her.

"Fine. But next time give me a heads up. I have no idea what's in your people's type of drinks."

"My people's type of drinks?" Nick laughed. "What does that mean? That I'm Cuban?"

"And you drink. And so does…" Montserrat made a not-so-subtle nod at Rafael. The man in question narrowed his eyes on her but rather than being offended, he seemed amused. Where she was taking this, he had no idea.

"Now you're just being purposely mean," Kara was the one to say.

"You know they say the same thing about Slovaks?" Nick countered. "You guys drink way too much."

"Point taken, but it's not true."

"Mm, I've seen you drown scotch," Rafael spoke up only to get a glare from Montserrat.

"Yeah, every time _you_ offered some. _You_ own the bottle."

"And yet you drank most of it."

Montserrat glared at him for a full minute before uttering, "Oh, shut up."

Rafael smirked, and soon did the others. Montserrat just settled into her seat and waited for her drink to come by. Luckily, it did along with the others'.

Montserrat picked up her glass and eyed its flashy green contents. "It just looks like a bunch of leaves."

Her complaint made Nick smile after taking a sip of his own glass. "It's good, just try it."

"I wouldn't try it," muttered Kara who then received a jab from Sonny. "What? He's poisoning my friend-"

"-I resent that," Nick pointed at her. "I'd do a much better job if that was my intention."

"Oh, well, thanks," Montserrat huffed.

"Just take the damn drink, Montserrat," Rafael was close to groaning in annoyance with her. "If anything, it'll be weak."

Montserrat raised her glass again and peered over its top. She shrugged in the end and took a big drink. Her face immediately scrunched when she tasted the acidic lime. And she shivered. "What is _that_!?" she put her glass down and refused to touch it ever again.

"That is a Mojito and you are wasting it," Nick promptly responded with.

"Uh, _no_ ," Montserrat cocked her head to the side. "That is overpriced lemonade. And it's not even good."

When Rafael thought Nick had gotten enough of her scolding, he chimed in for Nick's sake. By now, he had a pretty good idea of what Montserrat would like for drinks. "Would you like some of that scotch now?"

Montserrat smiled sweetly in a sarcastic manner, one he came to like admittedly. "Yes, please."

"The whole bottle?" and he gave her that smug face she pretended to hate but secretly craved more for.

"Shut up and order me my drink." Montserrat pretended to huff and look away while Rafael did order for her.

" _Que débil eres_ ," Nick's mock, though in a foreign language, pulled Montserrat's deadpanning glance.

"Nu-uh, don't you start using Spanish on me to mock me." Montserrat meant to sound offended, but after trying to be the bigger person she found herself uttering something else, " _Ty hlupák._ "

Nick paused just as he was about to drink and thought of what he heard. Even Rafael and Sonny were having trouble making out Montserrat's words. The only one who seemed unsurprised was Kara.

"What…" Nick lowered his glass and turned to face Montserrat, "...what did you just say?"

"You moron," Montserrat said proudly. "Anyone else have something to say in a foreign language?"

"If I say something nice in Spanish, will you say something nice in Slovak?" Nick flashed her a smile that elicited a laugh from her.

"Alright, I'm gonna need y'all to stop flirting," Kara's remark affected Montserrat more than it should, and perhaps Rafael too. The latter stayed quiet but he was watching Montserrat's every movement. Who knows...it's almost as if Kara planned such a comment.

Judging by Sonny's disapproving glance, she just might have.

"I-I wasn't," Montserrat shook her head. "...just playing a game."

"Aw, and here I was hoping for something," Nick smirked and leaned closer to her. It was just too much fun to stop, especially since half of what he was doing was pissing Montserrat. " _La pelirroja más ardiente que he conocido_."

Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him, unable to keep a blush from reaching her face. "Goddamn you, Amaro. Is this how you pick up women? Because if it is...well done." She raised her hands, indicating he definitely won.

Nick couldn't help the big grin that took over his face. He really was just playing a game too and it got even more fun when it made an actual effect on her.

" _A ty si ten najhladší muž, akého som kedy stretol,_ " Montserrat returned, her Slovak tongue sounding far different than what everyone was used to hearing from her. There was a sharpness in her words, yet something...alluring about it. "And you are the smoothest man I have ever met," she repeated her words but translated.

Least that's what Rafael thought and figured Nick did too. It was ridiculous how angry he got in such a short minute, but it was _real_. He hadn't even realized how tightly he was gripping his glass, but Kara did. And she elbowed Sonny so he could see the same.

"Get your flirty friend out of here before your other friend commits murder and has to try his own trial," Kara told him in a hushed tone.

"Well, actually, he wouldn't be able to try his-" but Sonny stopped on account of Kara's hardened gaze. "Yeah. Sorry."

"Mhm," she said with a straight face.

"You gotta stop playing this game," Montserrat was telling Nick. "Save the Spanish and the looks for a woman who doesn't know you're as stubborn as a mule."

"Scotch?" The bartender stopped by with a glass for Rafael. He pointed the drink was for Montserrat and so the glass was slid down to her.

Just as she took it, Nick's cell phone started buzzing in his pocket. When he pulled it out, he saw it was his ex-wife, Maria. "Gotta take this. Be back in a bit."

"Oh, we got lucky," Kara said in a dramatic relieved tone.

"Oh, c'mon, you can't be taking this that serious," Sonny gave her a look. He of all people knew how badly Kara wanted things to work for Montserrat and Rafael, but she also failed to take in what reality had done. "It's harmless flirting."

"Well, it looked like Rafael wanted to inflict some _real_ harm on Nick," Kara said quietly. "And you know, just because he's not a cop like you guys doesn't mean he can't make things look like an accident. If anything, being a prosecutor means he's seen exactly how to do it."

Sonny rolled his eyes at her and reached for his drink. "You're being over-dramatic."

"Am I?" Kara let a humorless laugh slip from her lips. "Look at that," she nodded ahead.

Without being interrupted by flirts or friendly banters, Montserrat and Rafael had found a moment to start conversing. At some point, the two had scooted closer to talk better.

"No, I'm serious. He's 7 months and he already had his two front teeth very much present," Montserrat was saying as she took drinks from her glass.

"So your vacation consisted of you visiting the family you were a surrogate mother for?" Rafael's strange look wasn't the most inviting but Montserrat just nodded her head.

"Yeah. I hadn't seen Leah or Michael in a while and I wanted to see Andrew too. He's 7 months, almost 8." Montserrat's face softened the more she talked about Andrew Saunders. She'd pulled her phone out and revealed some of the pictures she'd taken while she was away. "Leah and Michael moved to Brooklyn and they showed me around the city. It was a win-win."

"I can't believe that's really where you spent your vacation," Rafael continued to disbelieve and shake his head.

"You're one to talk. When's the last time you had a vacation?" Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him and didn't waver in her stare until he smiled in defeat. "That's right. Now c'mon-" she held her phone between the two with a picture of Andrew and herself on the screen, "-you're going to tell me this little guy isn't worth visiting?"

A pout. She was actually giving him a _pout_. It was a sarcastic pout, but a pout nonetheless. She could be such a child and yet...so goddamn attractive. Captivating.

Rafael resisted the urge to touch one of her ginger curls framing the side of her face. Instead, he focused on what she was showing him. It seemed like she'd gone to a park with Andrew and no doubt his parents. She held Andrew on her lap, looking down at him with a laugh. Andrew seemed ecstatic being given her absolute attention.

"Sounds like fun," he found himself saying. "...he has red hair," he noticed after a moment's watch.

"Michael's a redhead," Montserrat said dismissively. "Anyways, glad you see my point. We don't always have to bicker, you know."

"That's a choice? I have a choice?"

Montserrat deadpanned his sarcastic surprise.

From her spot, Kara saw Nick returning after finishing his call. "Oh no, he's not ruining this. He can flirt with me if he needs to!"

Sonny's face scrunched at that idea. "N-n-n-no, wait a minute-" but he was too late because Kara had already gotten up from her stool to retrieve Nick before he could reach his seat.

"Sit with me flirty detective," she cheerfully pulled him to the empty stool on her left.

"O-okay," Nick could only blink as he was sat down in his reassigned seat. "What are we doing?"

"I don't know," Sonny answered while giving Kara an unamused look.

"What?" she looked between the two detectives oh-so-innocently. "Feel free to speak in Spanish and Italian to me. Take turns, even."

"Kara," Sonny shook his head disapprovingly, but Kara could care less.

Something funny had been said between Rafael and Montserrat because the latter was laughing hard. She leaned her head back on his shoulder in the process. Rafael stopped for a second to look down at her, but she was too busy laughing to notice. He couldn't even remember exactly what he'd said to make her laugh so much, but he wasn't complaining.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

First and foremost, if anyone speaks/write Slovak _please_ let me know so we can coordinate these lines I wrote in. I only speak/write English & Spanish so for the Slovak parts it's just google translate. And second of all, I loved writing that bar scene.

 **P. S** : I have created a **tumblr** **account** dedicated to my fanfic works! It's also a place where I thought anyone might want to comment about a story or even just talk! I'll probably drop some aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is " **noble-crescent** " and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.


	27. Shock-worthy

"So you guys didn't really...get anything, did you?" Montserrat couldn't help ask Amanda as they walked down the corridor of Riker's. At Murphy's command, the two detectives were supposed to visit Gordon and extract more information on Wilkes.

Amanda's bob of head said exactly what she thought about their undercover job. They hadn't really gotten anything from Wilkes directly, so now they were supposed to get Gordon to talk again. "We tried. Murphy tried."

"Hm…" was all Montserrat had to say.

They stopped at the front desk where they had to sign and relinquish their guns.

"I get that you don't like him, but he is trying to do his job," Amanda leaned against the desk while Montserrat finished writing her last signature.

"Oh, I can't say that I don't like him this early in the game," Montserrat looked up with an expression that read 'But I'm close to saying it'. "I just feel like he needs to sit back and let us show him how we do things. He should be taking notes from Olivia. She's practically a Lieutenant already."

"Well, as long as you don't say it this early," Amanda's light sarcasm made Montserrat roll her eyes.

The two detectives were allowed into the visitor's ward a short moment afterwards. Gordon was brought out and immediately had something to say to them.

"Can you get me into solitary? Everybody's looking at me all the time."

Montserrat so badly wanted to respond with ' _Why do you think?_ ' but knew it would hinder their investigation. So, she kept her mouth shut until she had something better to say.

"Might be able to do that, but you gotta stop holding out on us," Amanda was the one to respond. "Your pal Erastes, did he ever talk about actually hurting boys?"

Gordon shook his head. "No, I'm not a part of that, okay? I-I-I just like to watch. He is into things that I would never do."

"Hm, like what?" Montserrat gave him a hard, levelled look warning him he better not lie.

"Well, there was this live-streaming Webcast from Estonia a few months ago. Erastes kept sending messages to the master asking him to hurt the boy...make him bleed. Now, I-I turned it off, but then later, Erastes bragged that he had watched the boy die. And then he said to me that we should find a boy that nobody would miss."

Montserrat exchanged a glance with Amanda. This could be exactly what they were looking for.

"Listen to me very carefully," Amanda leaned forwards, "What was the name of that webcast?"

~0~

Once they had gathered sufficient information from Gordon, Montserrat and Amanda reported back to Murphy about what they learned.

"Gordon told us about a Webcast for something called 'damage groups'", Montserrat said, though the more she explained the more uncomfortable she looked. And that was saying something considering what they worked at. "They take live requests to torture young kids. The darker the skin, the worse they get it. Bruises don't show."

"Okay, any way to access it?"

"It streamed live three months ago," Amanda replied. "And everything's been turned over to interpol."

"That won't help," Murphy turned to the other detectives in the office. "Take over Gordon's chat room accounts. Keep fishing."

The detectives filed out of the office with their new tasks. Though at the end of the day, they really didn't come up with much to work with except for another UC job.

"How about tonight?" Nick was asking the others as they left the precinct.

"Tell me where," Olivia agreed.

"No, I got to head uptown, going to a meeting," Amanda said as she backtracked in the opposite direction.

"Okay. Safe home," Olivia waved her off.

"She's really working her program," Montserrat was happy to see. It wasn't too long ago that Olivia was threatening to transfer Amanda and now here she was doing better than ever.

"Least someone's doing good around here," Nick shrugged, though his attempt at being casual failed miserably.

"Jesus Nick, you could at least pretend to be civil with Murphy," Montserrat turned to him. "You know, like the rest of us do. Right?" she glanced at Sonny, but the detective just shrugged.

"He's alright," his choice of words prompted Olivia to make a 'thank you' motion at him.

"Guys, I think you all just need to give him a chance," Olivia felt tired of having to repeat herself. Everyone just seemed on the plan to hate Murphy.

"You should be C.O. now," Nick said, "He comes in and…"

Olivia was not interested in hearing the same thing again tonight. She guessed why Nick seemed more on edge today. "Maria and Zara are in town, right?"

Nick knew where she was going and shook his head at her. "Yeah. I'm not crossing the line. Maria asked to see me. She got a job offer in California and wants to take Zara with her."

Now it was really easy to understand why and Nick was so on edge.

"And she brought up the idea of me going with them."

"What?" Olivia blinked.

"Yeah, I know. I mean, a month ago, she's calling you, telling me to back off. I do, and then…"

"Are you thinking of going?" Montserrat had to wonder. It wasn't easy separating from your child, much less when that child would be going to the other end of the country.

"My life is here," Nick said without a moment's thought. "I don't want to fight, but Maria's not taking my daughter away from me."

"We're here if you need anything," Sonny said. Nick thanked him and the others. "Hey Montse, Kara just texted me saying you weren't answering her."

"My phone's dead,"Montserrat shrugged.

Sonny gave her a look that indicated how irresponsible that was, but all the ginger did was shrug. She was going home anyways, what was the point?

"She's having dinner with her brother and wants you...and me…there…"

Montserrat gave him an amused look. "You, uh, don't sound so excited about it."

"Having dinner with your girlfriend's brother isn't exactly what I had in mind when I asked her to have dinner with me," he said in a straight face, one that made it incredibly hard not to laugh.

"Damian is nice and you're going unless you want to die by Kara's wrath."

Before Sonny would answer that, he briefly looked to Olivia and Nick. "Now you know who did it if I ever disappear."

Now Montserrat had to laugh. "C'mon!" she grabbed him by the arm. "I wonder what she made for dinner? I hope it's not pasta again. She's the one dating the Italian, not me." Sonny rolled his eyes while Montserrat dragged him away then waved goodbye to the others.

When the two got home, they found Kara in the kitchen, taking something out from the oven. She was dressed in a nice sleeveless, purple jumper. Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail and when she turned around they saw her light make-up.

"Don't you look nice," Montserrat remarked. She began to take off her blazer. "Making me feel underdressed."

"Makes 2," Sonny said rather self-consciously as he fixed the collar of his button shirt.

Kara set down the tray of casserole on the table and smiled. "You guys are fine. It's just a casual dinner."

"It's never casual for me," Sonny said with a frown on his face.

"Jesus, you are so dramatic," Montserrat patted his arm and went straight for the table.

"Ah! Don't touch!" Kara smacked Montserrat's hand away from the food.

It was always the rule: don't touch the food until every guest is there. Lucky for Montserrat, who happened to be starving, Damian arrived only 5 minutes of waiting.

"Oh thank God, sit down!" Montserrat gave Damian a quick hug then yanked him towards the kitchen.

"Hello to you too," Damien said with a laugh. "Guess we're not giving hugs to anyone else?"

Kara stood by the table with her hands on her hips. "Guess not." Her disapproving look on Montserrat didn't faze the ginger at all.

"It's fine. She gets a pass," Damian smiled at Montserrat.

"I do? Why? Just so that I know how to use it when I need it," Montserrat pushed her chair in and signaled Kara and Sonny to do the same.

"Because you're you," Damian looked at her with type of expression that almost made Sonny do a double-take.

Was he seeing right? Was anyone else seeing right?

They started eating together and having conversations. It started with Kara's day which, as it turned out, had been stressful.

"This lady was just so difficult to work with! She asked for a bob and I gave her a bob but then she started saying it wasn't!" Kara huffed angrily. The mere reminder of the frustrating woman made her blood pressure go up. "How do you not see what a bob is!?"

"You want more to drink?" Sonny asked her, making Montserrat and Damian laugh on the side.

Kara pointed but nodded her head. "Yes, please. I really hope I never see her again."

"If you pissed her off that bad then she won't be coming back anytime soon," Damian pointed his glass at her. "Drink up, little sister." Kara all but drowned her glass that Sonny had just filled up.

"Dare I ask how was your day, then?" Damian looked to Montserrat.

"Eh, I don't think you would want to know," Montserrat crossed gazes with Sonny. Wilkes was quite the man and his doings weren't something you'd want to talk about at the table.

"Gloomy, got it," Damian nodded. "I don't know how you guys do it, honestly. Seeing all that stuff…"

"We do it for the victims," Sonny said without a second thought.

"So what do you prefer doing?" Damian asked Montserrat. "Homicide or SVU?"

Montserrat bobbed her head while she thought about it. Each time she did, though, she always came up with the same answer. "SVU. Homicide gave me the luxury of not having to deal with live victims, but SVU gives me the ability to get full justice for victims. They're here to see it be done."

"And I guess you get to talk to them and make them feel better?"

"Well, gotta admit sometimes it feels like there's not a lot of words we can say to make them feel better," Montserrat said with a small sigh. "Though it does get better when they get to hear the guilty verdict."

"But you're there, helping them through the process," Damian gave her a soft smile. "I'm sure you give them a lot of comfort."

Montserrat automatically smiled back. "Thanks."

Whether or not he planned to, Sonny looked over to Kara. He wondered if she saw the same thing he was beginning to, but Kara looked none the wiser. She ate and laughed along with them. But another thing Sonny saw was that Montserrat didn't even appear to notice anything.

 _Maybe I'm overanalyzing things_ , he thought after a moment. This was meant to be a dinner, after all. Just a casual night with his girlfriend and friends.

But then Damian pointed out the watch Montserrat was wearing around her wrist -- it'd been his gift for her on her birthday. It was a beautiful Kate Spade watch with light pink crystals over the hour the glass. Sonny, as well as the others back at the precinct, had remarked over the elegant watch when they first noticed it. Montserrat absolutely loved it.

When Damian remarked he'd gotten the watch on a good deal, as a joke of course, Sonny went into shock with his realization.

~0~

Thanks to the latest UC job Murphy conducted, SVU had been been led straight to Wilkes' torture room that turned out to be quite supplied.

"Oh, this is horrendous," Amanda was just one of the people completely stunned by Wilkes' "torture room" and what it consisted of.

Montserrat felt like she wouldn't be able to walk further into the bright, white room for fear that something might snap her ankles. Every part of the room seemed to be part of a torture instrument. Who's to say there wasn't anything on the floor ready to capture their ankles and keep them still?

"Well, that's the view he talked about," Fin stood in front of the small window that gave the perfect view to a school across the street. "Right out onto the school yard."

"Gordon was right," Sonny said with a scowl.

"Luminol every inch. Check all film and storage spaces," Murphy was busy giving orders to the incoming forensics. "Pull up the floors. Knock out the walls."

"This place is pristine," Nick stopped by Murphy and gestured to the cleanliness surrounding them. It could almost sparkle from how clean it was. "He brought boys here?"

"So he scrubbed it clean. He's careful," Murphy moved past him.

"So what does he do with the bodies?" Olivia dreaded to think the more she gazed around the room.

"Open up the drains and test for chemicals," Murphy called to the nearest forensic. "I want a drop of blood, a shard of bone, something, anything."

"Lieutenant," another forensic's walked up with several pictures in hand, "CSU found these hiding behind a fake wall."

Murphy all but snatched the pictures from the woman. He flipped through them in disgust. "Sick son of a bitch. Pick him up, _now_."

And that was one order none of the detectives minded following.

~ 0 ~

Wilkes had his face buried in his hands, rubbing from his forehead to his chin while he listened to Olivia's and Amanda's findings in the interrogation room.

"It was all fantasy!" he tried arguing for the tenth time since he was brought in. "Nothing happened."

"Nothing?" Olivia gaped at the blight lie being thrown her way. "Found your little…" she scrambled to find the right pictures for him to see in case he'd forgotten he owned a torture room. "We found your room! Photos of boys being tortured in that room? Who are they?"

"What? No, I photoshopped those," Wilkes tried to reach for the pictures but Olivia snatched them from his reach. "I'm an art photographer. I took photos off the lnternet and manipulated the images."

"Yeah, stop lying now," Olivia let the pictures fall back to the table. She felt Amanda's hand on her arm and was overly confused to see her not appearing to be as frustrated as she was.

"Let's hear his side."

Now Olivia was convincing herself she was hearing wrong, but Amanda looked dead serious. "His side?" she repeated, almost tapping her ear so she could see what she was doing. "We have him on tape, negotiating to buy a boy that no one would miss from Mexico, El Salvador." She settled a death glare on Wilkes. "Does that ring a bell?"

"That was just a game-"

"-A game? Do you think it's a game to torture young boys, huh?" Olivia practically slammed her hands on the metal table, creating a loud clang that made Wilkes flinch in his seat. "You like to be in control? Well, guess what, that game's over. New game, my MY rules, not yours." Amanda knew that the closer Olivia got to Wilkes' face, the less willing Wilkes would be to speak without a lawyer but Olivia seemed hellbent on making Wilkes realize his situation.

Outside, on the other side of the glass, were the others watching keenly.

"If she keeps this up, we'll have nothing," Rafael warned Murphy, practically telling the man to pull Olivia out already. He was already on edge from this difficult case considering there was, so far, no concrete evidence except for those pictures.

"I know," Murphy said, his hand already nearing the door. He just wanted to give Olivia a chance to reclaim her control...but it didn't look like it was coming back anytime soon.

She was face to face with Wilkes, spewing out some hard threats. "How about we play this game? You start talking now, or I'm gonna take you back into that room, and I'm gonna strap you into that chair, and I'm gonna slice you open until your blood runs out-"

Murphy flung the interrogation room's door and shouted for Olivia, "Sergeant!"

Olivia basically ignored him and continued with Wilkes. "How about that game?"

"Hey!" called Murphy again.

"I need a minute!"

"Take a break!" Murphy commanded and left no room for arguing, especially in the vicinity of a suspect.

Olivia withdrew from the table and turned away, storming out of the room. At Murphy's second order, Amanda was brought out as well. The blonde might have been a bit pissed Olivia went overwhelmingly head-on with their suspect that now she too was being pulled out of the interrogation.

"I've been here for 15 years. And you've been here for two minutes, and you're pulling me out of an interrogation?" Olivia was right in Murphy's face, much to the surprise of the others.

"You weren't asking him questions. You were yelling at him," snapped Murphy. "You do know the goal is to align yourself with the suspect, not to judge him?"

"Yeah." Olivia released a small breath, probably the way to begin calming down. She crossed glances with the rest of the squad and realized they were all giving her strange, startled looks. She might have gone a little overboard, but had Wilkes not done enough things to provoke it?

"Then what the hell was that?" demanded Murphy.

Olivia wouldn't bother answering because no matter what she said, it wouldn't be right. "I'm going to take that break," she muttered and turned to leave.

"Don't be hard on her, it's not like the guy doesn't deserve it," Montserrat folded her arms over her chest.

"You better not show that type of feeling when you get there," Murphy's subtle order startled Montserrat. She blinked and even pointed at herself, asking if he really meant _her_. "Go in there and align yourself."

"Are you kidding? I go in there, I cannot guarantee I won't follow in Liv's footsteps."

"I can go back," Amanda volunteered but Murphy shook his head.

"No, I need someone fresh. Someone he hasn't seen yet," Murphy pointed at Montserrat to go. "Amaro, you too."

"Fine, guess we can kill him together," Nick mumbled under his breath, though not as quiet. Still, he didn't look so bothered by the disapproving looks.

" _Detectives_ ," Rafael's warning voice stopped the two in front of the door.

"We'll tone it down," Montserrat promised but then mouthed a 'maybe' at Nick. They shared a smile before going into the interrogation room.

It _irked_ Rafael how close those two were acting lately. And he was going to be sticking to the 'irk' description because there was no way in hell he would be admitting to anyone, even himself, that it was more jealousy than annoyance. Just... _where_ did that closeness come from? When -- _You need to stop,_ Rafael berated himself when he realized he was letting his thoughts get to him. He wasn't even paying attention to the interrogation happening in front of him.

The irony is that this was one of the reasons why he told Montserrat they couldn't be together, because their jobs would be affected. If they clashed before, then who knows what could happen if they got together? And yet here they were, _not_ together, and he still couldn't focus on his job. _Great_.

Inside the interrogation room, Montserrat and Nick weren't exactly getting much from Wilkes. And it was a real struggle to keep trying to bond with Wilkes over his "Photography".

"It's true," Wilkes kept insisting over his photography. "I have images in my head, and I try to re-create them, but it's digital trompe I'oeil. I don't expect you to understand."

"I don't think we do," agreed Montserrat. She sat across Wilkes but, probably like Olivia, she would really like to climb over it and slam Wilkes' head against the table.

"I imagine your jobs-" Wilkes made a gesture at her then Nick, "-often times put images in your head...from everything you've seen. I just get those images...and I watch videos at night...as an outlet."

Nick wanted to scoff but if he did that then his 'bonding' would end there and then. So, he kept it cool. "That's what you're saying this is, a release?"

"Yes, I swear!"

"But you crossed over when you started talking about buying a boy," Montserrat snapped. Her hands on the table started gripping the edge of the table, something Nick caught. "Literally... _buying_ …" she struggled to say the sentence in one go, "...a boy."

"Your guys were talking about that!" Wilkes argued. "There was no boy. There never has been one. I didn't give any money!"

"Yeah, but, Simon, that chamber…" Nick reminded, but Wilkes shook his head and refused it to be true.

"That's...My meditation room. I'm the only one who's been in there. Tear the place apart. You won't find anything."

Montserrat's lips curled into a humorless smile. "It's a meditation room," she repeated sourly. "Sure."

The door flung open to let in a woman who made a beeline for Wilkes' side. "Mr. Wilkes, I'm Minonna Efron. Your wife's waiting right outside. She's retained me as your attorney. Detectives-" the woman gave Montserrat and Nick a look, "-give us the room."

Montserrat figured it was better to give space before she lashed too. She left the room first and glared directly at Murphy. "Cannot believe we had to bond with that guy."

"Nothing you haven't done before," Murphy said. "It's called doing your job."

"Hey, I've got two kids," Nick reminded. "A ten-year-old son. I want him gone."

And for that, Montserrat turned to Rafael. "Get him gone."

Suddenly Rafael's irkness - that was _not_ jealousy - disappeared. There was a certain feeling that usually came when Montserrat laid her absolute faith in his prosecuting abilities. "I'm going to need evidence," he warned, but Montserrat didn't care. She needed to see Wilkes behind bars.

"I'll get it done," she promised and took off.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

 **Author's Note** :

Angst is coming guys... it's coming :)


	28. Like High School

Amanda walked into the precinct's lounge room for a soda but instead found Sonny pacing back and forth right in front of the soda machines. "Carisi, what are you doing?" she made a motion for him to get out of her way.

Sonny looked at the soda machines and shook his head. He just moved his pacing to the other side of the room. As Amanda put in her dollar bills for a soda, she glanced over her shoulder and saw the detective still doing the same pacing.

"Seriously, what are you doing?"

Sonny felt like a teenager the way he was pacing, but he was just so confused. He felt like he needed to do something but he wasn't sure _what_. And the problem was...he couldn't really talk about it with anyone.

"Carisi?" Amanda's voice drew him back to the present. She was standing in front of the soda machine, holding her sweet lime shasta can in one hand. When Sonny met her gaze, she raised an eyebrow and indicated she wanted an answer.

 _Maybe she's the only one_ , Sonny thought. He glanced at the window and saw Fin and Nick working dutifully at their desks. Montserrat wasn't in since she was following the trial against Wilkes from the front seats.

"I may have a problem," he began but realized it wasn't really truthful. "I mean-" he shook his head, "-I think _someone_ has a problem but they don't know it yet…"

Both of Amanda's eyebrows raised this time. "What?"

Sonny hated he couldn't explain it the way he wanted to. Maybe he just needed to stop pacing and take things slowly. "Okay," he released a heavy breath and turned to face Amanda again. "So...I…" Nope, that was the wrong beginning too.

By this point, Amanda was getting concerned. She rarely saw Sonny this upset and it was usually over cases but this one didn't look like it would be the same. "Hey," she moved forwards and rested a hand on his arm. "Do you need help?"

"I don't, but at the same time maybe…" Sonny admitted. He leaned his body forwards and gripped the back of a chair. "A couple days ago I discovered that...someone had...someone _has_ feelings for my friend."

"We're not talking about Kara, right?" Amanda had to ask before she thought of anything else.

"No, no, I really do mean a _friend_ ," Sonny was quick to clarify. "And she's a really close friend of mine and I look out for her. She doesn't realize this person has feelings for her."

"Okay, so...what? You're trying to play cupid or something?" the smile on Amanda's face was quickly erased when Sonny exclaimed a 'hell no!' in her face. The blonde blinked in surprise. "I'm so confused…"

Sonny sighed and moved around the snack table. "The problem is that there's a third person involved, only he doesn't know it cos I haven't told him."

"How's he involved?"

"He also likes my friend. And I'm pretty sure that she likes him too. But that person I'm telling you about? He's going to get in the way and the worst part is…" Sonny sighed again, "It's unrequited because I know my friend only sees him like a brother and if she were to find out...it would ruin her relationship with him."

Amanda's head bobbed as she tried to comprehend everything she learned. "This is starting to feel like high school. Why on earth are you so troubled by this? What's it to you if that person's feelings come to light?"

"Because…" Sonny so badly wanted to tell her that this person was his girlfriend's brother and would therefore put Kara into a terrible position between her brother's happiness or her best friend's happiness. "Because I know my friend won't want to hurt that person...and who knows what she might do to keep him happy."

"What - you think she's going to sleep with him or something just for his happiness?" Amanda made a face. "That'd make her a pushover. Your friend just has to be brave enough to tell that guy to back off cos she's already got eyes somewhere else."

"I just wish I could help this trio because...I like them all. They're my friends." And Sonny knew how devastated Kara would be if all this came to light. Damien having feelings for Montserrat while she had feelings for Rafael who also had feelings for her? Just thinking about it made Sonny's head hurt. And the dread that filled him was inevitable.

"Maybe you should talk to your friend, then," Amanda suggested after realizing how big of a burden this was becoming for Sonny. "These people _are_ adults - _or_ …" she trailed off when a new idea crossed her mind.

Sonny looked up from the table to see her thoughtful glance. "What?"

"I'm all for being an adult but…" a small smirk came to Amanda's face, "That second guy you talked about - the one your friend likes back - might get a little riled up if he found out this other guy likes her too. Might be the push he needs to man up and get the girl."

Sonny laughed lightly. Boy he would _pay_ to see Amanda tell that to Rafael's face. All in all, Amanda did have a point...Sonny just wasn't sure if that's the road he wanted to take. With everything that's going on, wouldn't it add more fuel to the disputes Montserrat and Rafael already had between each other?

~ 0 ~

The trial against Wilkes was not going so well and it was due to the fact there was no physical evidence to back Wilkes' terrible interests. Rafael was fuming because once again SVU put him on this track.

"Where the hell is my evidence?" he demanded from the trio that'd gone to trial with him once they were back in his office. " _You_ said-" he pointed a finger at Montserrat first, "-you'd get it. And do I have it?" Montserrat opened her mouth, but he beat her to it. " _No_." She shot him a glare but he had moved onto Murphy by then. "This was _your_ idea even after I told you we couldn't convict a man just for _thinking_ things."

"But you know that what he's thinking can and will become real sooner or later," Olivia spoke up before got a chance to go at her as well.

"Do I?" Rafael sarcastically said, tilting his head at her.

"Okay, stop being unnecessarily rude," Montserrat frowned. She folded her arms over her chest and upheld his glare with her own, like she usually did. "We're working on it, alright? And Olivia's right. You know damn well that sooner or later, Wilkes will act…"

"If he hasn't already that we don't know about," Murphy added. Montserrat pointed at him indicating her agreement.

"And it's not like we didn't get you something," Montserrat wanted to remind Rafael that they _did_ get one important thing for him.

Olivia had gone above and beyond the call of duty and gotten an old friend to come and evaluate Wilkes. "Wong made a good evaluation," Olivia pointed out. "He warned us that this could escalate more than what it already has."

"Great," Rafael's sarcasm still made an appearance. "That's all I got. An evaluation. More thinking."

"Don't act like you don't agree with us," Montserrat said. "You're just as disturbed as we all are with this guy. He's different than what we've dealt with before, but he's going to end up doing the same thing all the other perps we've caught have done. And you know it."

The silent stare-down between them was indication enough that Montserrat was right. Yes, he did agree this was a case that needed to be brought to trial. It, however, didn't mean it would be an easy win considering there was no victim so far. And the fact he may be losing and letting a man like that walk free...amongst children...sickened him. "Get me something," Rafael's time had changed from commanding to a plead. "We can't let him go free."

Now there, Montserrat happily obliged. "Of course." And as if the world was trying to prove that they were doing the right thing, Montserrat's cellphone started buzzing in her pocket. "Look at that," she happily looked up, "Nick says they found the ex-wife and she's willing to talk to us."

"Go," Murphy ordered her. "And let us know what she says ASAP."

Montserrat nodded and headed out of the office. She accompanied Sonny to visit Wilkes' ex-wife and really hoped this would finally be their big break.

"You good?" Montserrat asked Sonny once they'd gotten out of their car. She noticed how quiet he'd been during their drive, and yet for some reason he kept glancing at her with a look on his face.

"Yeah," Sonny did his best to shrug casually. He started the way for the ex-wife's front yard.

"You're just unnaturally quiet and it's kind of freaking me out," Montserrat trailed behind him. She looked more like a child than anything following his taller figure. "I mean, am I supposed to expect an angry Kara at home tonight and you can't figure out a way to tell me what you did?"

Sonny chuckled and stopped, making her bump into his back. He turned around and looked down at her. "I didn't do anything."

"K, so that's your story then…"

Sonny rolled his eyes at her and continued to walk for the front porch. "I didn't do anything. Kara and I are fine. I just have some things on my mind."

"Oh…" Montserrat blinked but followed after him again. "You wanna tell me what it's about later?"

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks," Sonny pressed the doorbell to avoid this conversation from going any further.

Linda Walker was not pleased to find the two detectives on her front step. It was a struggle to get her to let them in, but once they started telling her about the reasons they were here...she seemed more inclined to speak with them.

"I don't know how you found me," Linda led them into her living room. "I changed my name, got off the internet. I don't think Simon even knows where I moved after I remarried."

"Sounds like you needed a clean break," Sonny remarked and shared a knowing look with Montserrat. This woman definitely knew something about Wilkes.

"When we met, I found Simon magnetic. But he has a darkness inside of him…"

"So you definitely knew about his fantasies," Montserrat confirmed their thoughts.

Linda gave a small nod of her head. "Not the extent of them, not at first, but then I started to notice how he would shut the laptop whenever I came into the room. One time, he left it open."

"And what did you see, Ms. Walker?" asked Sonny, though judging by the woman's face he knew it was terrible.

"He was messaging with these other people, talking about Bobby and me, about things he'd let them do to us. Our child was _six_." Linda's voice cracked just at the memory. "He said it was just a game, but he knew, he knew he had to go. I told Bobby, "daddy has a sickness. He can't be around other people.' I made a deal with Simon. As long as he promised to never see Bobby again or be around other children, I would keep quiet. This room of his... It's across from a grade school?"

Montserrat glanced at Sonny, both agreeing on their next move. "Ms. Walker, we're going to need you to come back with us. And your son."

~0~

The plan was simple, but effective. Bring in Wilkes' ex-wife and son to court, push him into revealing his true self. And it worked like a charm.

As soon as Wilkes saw Linda and their son, Bobby, he became an entirely different person on the stand. He was shifty, nervous….

This, Rafael could work so well with. "You testified earlier that your fantasies have nothing to do with real life. Correct?"

Wilkes nodded his head fervently, but even that indicated he was trying to convince himself now. "There's no crossover."

"Mm-hmm. So let me ask you this again, Mr. Wilkes, and remember, you are under oath. Why have you not been in contact with your ex-wife or your son?"

Wilkes' Haze kept flickering to Linda and his son. All the memories of him forcing himself to leave, to be away from them, started rushing back. "Because I knew I couldn't be around them…"

"Why is that?"

"...because of the pictures in my head."

"Which you can't control?" Rafael's question elicited a sharp objection from Wilkes' lawyer. He rolled his eyes and simply reworded what he wanted to say. It didn't matter how he said it, Wilkes would still be giving himself up. "Isn't it true that your first wife asked you to leave when you admitted that you were afraid you would act on your urges?"

It didn't matter if Wilkes' lawyer cried 'objection' because of what Wilkes had to say as an answer.

"I made... _I_ made the decision to leave. I didn't want to hurt him. He's my son. I didn't hurt him. I would never!"

~0~

"Thank you for coming," Olivia said to Linda and Bobby outside of the courtroom. Linda just nodded, but it was clear as day that she wanted to get the hell away from there.

"C'mon, we'll take you home," Montserrat gestured the way towards the elevator. She and Sonny would be driving them back home while the jury was out.

"What do you think is going to happen now?" Amanda stopped beside Olivia once they were alone. The jury was out and now all they had to do was wait...and wait...

"I wish I knew," Olivia admitted. She glanced behind and saw Rafael coming out of the courtroom with Efron. Both looked ready to kill each other since both sides made pretty good arguments.

"Nice move sneaking his ex-wife and son into the courtroom to rattle him," Efron couldn't help her sour remark. "Even for you, that was a low blow."

All Rafael did was smirk for a moment. "You ever ask yourself why it rattled him so much?" he turned to face Efron, forcing her to stop walking. "What the hell kind of thoughts does he have in his head about his own son?" It seemed like his question rattled Efron enough, but as a professional she had to reject it.

"You really want to live in a world where you can be put in prison for what's inside your head?" she countered with, admittedly a good argument yet again.

~ 0 ~

One hour. One measly hour.

That's all it took for the jury to give a 'not guilty' verdict.

"I wouldn't take it personally," Olivia gave a light pat on Rafael's arm. "You put up a good fight."

"Hm, wasn't good enough apparently." Rafael looked down the hall where Wilkes was coming out of the courthouse to a swarm of paparazzi.

"We gave it our best shot." Even Murphy had to admit that they did everything they could to put Wilkes away, but sometimes things didn't work out the way they wanted them to.

"Right, and that's it, huh?" Nick was glaring daggers at Wilkes. "We just wait for Simon to do something? He's not gonna stop."

"You can't let it get in your head, Nick," Amanda warned him. "Cos once you do…it's hard to stop it." Nick didn't say anything, but he continued to glare at Wilkes' figure.

"She's right, don't do it man," Fin said, but Nick was too lost already. He turned to leave without saying a word to anyone else.

"Hey!" they heard Montserrat's voice not a second later. She was hurrying up the staircase with Sonny trailing behind her. "Tell me we got him!"

At her hopefulness, Rafael looked over to Olivia. He couldn't be the one to ruin it, even though it was his fault Wilkes would walk away.

Olivia seemed to get the message. She gave a shake of her head and, like Rafael imagined, Montserrat's hope vanished in two seconds.

"Oh…" her dark eyes blinked several times while she processed what Wilkes' freedom meant. "I thought…I-I really thought we would get him. I mean, I know what I said before but...I just thought…"

"I thought so too," Olivia sighed. "We all did."

"Sorry," Rafael felt compelled to say and actually startled some of the others with it. He never apologized.

"It's not your fault," Montserrat quickly said, as if she'd known what the apology was for her. "It's those twelve idiots on the jury stand. I can't believe they did that."

"It happens," Sonny sighed. "Listen, why don't we just go home? I think everyone's just tired. We worked this case over like there was no tomorrow…"

Murphy began to nod in agreement. "Fine job, detectives," he offered them a small smile. "Carisi's right. Go home. Rest. Tomorrow, we're back at it again."

The group started to disperse as they came down the rest of the steps onto the sidewalk. Montserrat only stopped because her phone started buzzing. "Go on," she told the others. "It's Casey. I might be drowning myself with brownies for the rest of the night."

"As long as it's not barbecue because you know that oder sticks to you, right?" Rafael smirked at her.

"I'll be sure to leave a plate just for you in your office," she said and took her call. "Casey?"

With that bit, Rafael knew they'd be fine by tomorrow. He started to walk again but heard Montserrat's response to whatever Casey said and...it sounded unusually high-pitched. He stopped walking and looked back to see her incredibly pale.

"Wh-what are you - Casey, what the hell do you mean?" she honestly looked ready to pass out.

Rafael checked to see where the others were and while they weren't too far away, bringing them all back might not be exactly what Montserrat needed. He himself debated whether or not to inch back to her.

"No, I don't understand!" Montserrat fervently shook her head. She brought one hand to her ginger curls, almost looking like she was gripping the strands. "When did - okay fine, I'll be there! D-don't move!" She hung up but it didn't look like she would be getting better anytime soon.

"Montserrat?" Rafael finally decided to come back to her and in just in time, it appeared, because she stumbled back as if she were going to fall. He quickly reached for her arm and pulled her forward, but this time not even their closeness would pull Montserrat out of her crisis. "What's wrong?" he asked her at least two times before she finally answered.

"...my brother just got arrested."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

I did say there was angst coming ;). Happy Valentine's Day!

 **For the review** : I'm so happy to hear that! It's exactly how I started first writing too. I kept reading another author's stories until I decided it was time to write my own! It's so much fun, good luck!

 **P. S:** I have created a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's also a place where anyone can comment about a story or even just talk to me! I often drop aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "noble-crescent" and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.


	29. Help Me Help Him

It was all a blur, really, how fast Montserrat got to the precinct where her brother was being kept. In all her rushing, she missed someone snap a picture of her from afar when she went into the building. It was Rafael who had briefly stopped at the entrance to look around. He was quite used to the feeling of being 'watched' due to his profession...and right now was one of those moments. But, as much as he looked, all he saw was the typical bustling streets he always saw. By the time he caught up with Montserrat, she was already speaking with Casey, more like frantically shouting 'what the hell is going on' and not giving Casey a chance to explain.

"I just don't understand how any of this could be happening!" Montserrat's loudness was attracting the attention of the others in the precinct, but she didn't care. "How the hell is my brother in jail!? How did he get arrested!? _Why_ did he get arrested!? How did -" she stopped talking midsentence and went for the front desk...only to be yanked back by Casey.

"You need to calm the hell down," snapped the older cousin in a quiet warning.

But instead of heeding Casey's warning, a humorless laugh slipped through Montserrat's lips. "You can't be serious?" And just like that, her smile vanished and she wrestled free of Casey's grip. "My brother's in jail!" she snapped through gritted teeth. "So don't you tell me to calm the hell down!" She pushed past Casey and went for the front desk.

Casey took a moment for herself so she wouldn't kill her cousin on the spot. Her eyes were soon on Rafael and so she made a gesture for him to take a shot. "Your turn."

"I'd rather not," he wasn't afraid to admit. "I've never seen her like that…"

Because even now, Montserrat was arguing the hell out of it with the poor cop stuck behind the other side of the front desk. She was almost as red as her hair.

"I'm here because she asked me to come with her," he went ahead and explained after Montserrat was allowed to go see her brother. "I was there when you called her."

"Ah," Casey turned around and watched as Montserrat disappeared behind a door. "I debated really hard whether or not to call her - Gael didn't want her to know."

"What's he doing here?" Rafael was admittedly curious to know how an architect landed himself in jail. As far as he knew, Gael was a law-abiding man.

"One of the buildings he finished collapsed on some people and now they're saying he's responsible because he failed to add in some parts during construction."

Rafael examined Casey's anger and how her eyes seemed to accuse the room itself for something. "And you don't look like you believe it."

"Because it's bullshit," she turned to him. "Gael is a talented architect. He's never once had any complaint against him. He knows how to do his job just like we do. He would _never_ miss something so crucial."

Rafael couldn't outright agree with Casey's solely because he didn't know Gael very much. Yes, Casey could be right and something was off in this case _or_...sometimes people did make mistakes. Either way, he knew Montserrat would get hurt in both situations and that's what worried him the most.

~ 0 ~

"I don't understand why you're in here," Montserrat was really trying her best not to shout because she knew no matter how she felt, Gael had to feel worse. She curled her hands around the cell's bars and stared at her older brother in a mixture of tears and anger.

Gael sat on the lone bench and just shook his head. It seemed like he was past the anger and denial phase and was set into acceptance. "Cos I missed something, Montse. The building Damian and I worked on for months was...it collapsed." And even from the way he said it, the way his face morphed into utter confusion was a clear indication this wasn't true.

"But you're Gael, you have that annoying talent of not missing a thing!"

"Everyone misses something at one point."

"But _you_ don't. Especially when it comes to your job. Walk me through it, please," Montserrat inched closer to the cell. "This building...what happened to it?"

"I don't know," Gael's voice cracked. Montserrat's heart might be cracking too. She never saw her brother this dejected. "I-I mean...I went over the plans a million times. Damian gave it a look too. We did things by the book. Nothing should have broken, nothing should have...collapsed." He raised his gaze to meet his sister's anguished face. "I swear Montse, I have no idea why the building collapsed."

"I believe you," Montserrat nodded. "But now I'm going to get you a lawyer, okay? In the meantime, don't say a word to anyone."

"The company I work for is already appointing one for me. They're doing another investigation or something-"

"-alongside the precinct's," Montserrat finished for him, already knowing the process. "Yeah. I don't care. I'm getting you a lawyer from our end."

"Where are you going to get a lawyer from?"

"Ha, you forget I work at SVU. We've come across several defense lawyers who are... _vicious_. I'm getting you one of those," Montserrat had a brief smirk on her face before she saw her brother's weak smile. "Hey, don't worry, okay? I'm going to get you out."

Gael shook his head. "My girls…"

"I'll take care of them," Montserrat quickly volunteered herself.

But Gael shook his head again. He pushed himself up from the bench and walked up to the cell bars. "Your job is a 10 hour shift almost every day. You don't have time to take care of a 4 year old and a 15 year old-"

"-I will _make_ the time, I swear," Montserrat pushed one of her hands in-between the bars and took Gael's hand. "They can stay with me and Kara."

"What are you going to tell them?" Gael bitterly smiled to himself. "That their father is responsible for putting people in the hospital?"

"It's not your fault," Montserrat said slowly. "We'll figure this out, okay? You and I...Dad…"

"Oh God, Dad…" Gael brought his free hand to his forehead. "What the hell is he going to say?"

"That you're innocent, what else?" Montserrat's obvious answer made no difference for Gael right now. She gripped his hand and made him look at her. " _Naša rodina môže byť malá, ale sme mocní,_ " she whispered. "We may be small, but we are mighty. Novaks don't go down."

Gael gave a small nod, but from where he stood...he believed he was already down.

~ 0 ~

After leaving Gael, Montserrat went straight for the front desk again and this time got herself through an entire group of cops until she had the Captain in front of her. There, she - along with Casey and Rafael - got the information she needed to know about Gael's process.

And it was not pretty. At all.

"He's going to be arraigned soon," Montserrat said in disbelief once the trio were out of the precinct.

"They move fast, you know that," Casey's reminder came at a full moment.

"I told him I'd get him a lawyer. I didn't want to tell him but when a company faces a lawsuit, they hang their employees up to dry," Montserrat bit her lower lip like it was gum. "They won't care what happens as long as they get free."

"Then we find him one. It's not like we're short-handed of defense lawyers," Rafael's words rang the exact thought Montserrat had earlier.

"Yeah. And I know exactly who I want," she smirked for the briefest of moments.

~0~

It was hard swallowing pride but when it was about family, Montserrat would do anything. That's why she was sitting with Rita Calhoun at the DA's building. Somewhere hell was freezing over, she knew.

"Let me get this straight," Rita put her things down on the conference table, her expression a mixture of amusement and confusion, "I got called in because you want me to _help_ you?"

"Yes." Even one word was hard enough for Montserrat to say.

Rita wanted to smile but the confusion won out. "But you don't even have my number."

"Yeah, I _know_ , so if this all works out I am going to owe two people now. Look, you're going to be paid so are you helping me or not?"

"I never turn down a client," Rita now fully smiled as she took a seat.

Montserrat so badly wanted to say she knew Rita wouldn't, considering the type of clients she represented. But instead, Montserrat sat down too and began to explain the situation. To her credit, Rita did listen attentively to the story. "Gael swears he checked everything. He's innocent."

"They always are," Rita dismissively said but Montserrat slammed a fist down on the table.

"He is!" she snapped. "He's done this job for a very long time. There is no reason this should've happened."

"Alright," Rita made a 'take it easy' gesture with a hand. "I get it."

"So will you help me?" Montserrat's question sounded more like a beg than a question. "I will pay you whatever you want."

"I'm in," Rita smiled. "Because if you're right, and they wrongly accused your brother... he's gonna have a field day filing through lawsuits against the city."

Montserrat rolled her eyes, but somewhere inside she admitted that she agreed with Rita. It was an unusual crave for revenge she felt for the sake of her brother. They wronged him, he deserved compensation. But right now, they first needed to focus on getting Gael out.

"He's being arraigned soon," she told Rita as they walked out of the conference room.

"Alright, I'll go see him right now. I'll keep you posted." Rita made to leave but stopped when she saw her usual nemesis coming towards them. Oh, she wanted to say a lot of things right now. Chances like these were rare. "Never thought I'd see the day when you would call _me_ for help, Rafael."

There was an honest-to-god hatred radiating from Rafael - it was a real struggle not to snap back like he usually would - but he forced his mouth to stay shut until he could say something decent. "I...know your tactics very well." That could be a compliment, right?

Rita's eyebrows raised for a minute, clearly amused of his restraint...because she knew he had a lot more to say. "Really? And what are those tactics you're talking about?"

"Could you please just go see my brother already?" Montserrat cut into the woman's fun. She had her arms crossed and an impatient expression on her face. "I _am_ paying you, after all." Rita pointed at the ginger that she was right and got moving again.

"I take it, it went well?" Rafael asked her once Rita was gone.

"Yeah, I mean, she didn't laugh in my face so…" Montserrat dropped her arms to her sides. "Let's see if her vicious ways can actually help me this time."

"She will."

Montserrat sighed and turned to him with one weak smile, probably the only one she'd be able to muster for that day. "Thank you for calling her, though. I know that took...a _lot_ out of you."

"Calling Rita Calhoun for help? I mean...at least now I can say I've done it all," Rafael tried to be humorous but it wasn't working. "Okay," he nodded slightly and stepped closer to her, "I would call Buchanon if you needed me to."

Montserrat smiled briefly at him. She knew he absolutely hated Buchanon. With Rita, it was more of a frenemy type of relationship that was almost always on the 'enemy' side...but still a lot better than Buchanon. "I wouldn't do that you."

"But if you needed me to, I really would. So let me know if Rita doesn't work out, alright?" he gave her a steady look until she nodded. She really wished she could hug him right now, but he was just being a friend.

"Listen, I didn't know whether or not to mention this but...Liv just called," Rafael unknowingly pulled her back to the present. "Nick got himself arrested."

It was definitely enough to reel Montserrat back to the present and shake those thoughts out of her head for a good while. "What!? What do you mean-"

"-he went after Simon Wilkes and sent him to the hospital."

"Oh God," Montserrat passed a hand through her ginger curls. "Maybe he and Gael might see each other for arraignment, then."

"Liv was just calling to see if I knew where you were. They need you back at the precinct. I didn't tell her anything about your situation. But please, don't go if you're not ready."

"Are you kidding? Nick's in trouble-"

"-but so are you," Rafael grabbed her flapping arms and forced her to stay still and, by consequence, her mind. She was definitely on the road to spiraling or at the very least spreading herself too thin. "So take care of yourself first. And if not yourself, then your nieces. You have to go pick them up soon, right?"

"Well, yeah…" Montserrat swallowed hard just at the mere reminder she was going to be the one to tell her nieces that their father was in jail. "But Murphy is going to have a go at me with my absences."

"Screw him. You do what you need to do first."

"Easy for you to say when your job is secure."

"Montserrat, stop being so difficult." Rafael honestly felt like that phrase 60% of his vocabulary when it came to her. The only difference right now was that he really was just trying to help her. There was no sarcasm. "For once, just listen to me."

Montserrat sighed. Even in situations like these, it was actually hard taking his advice without bickering. "Fine," she relented. "But I'm not just going to ignore Nick's situation. Keep me posted while I'm gone?"

"I will if you'll keep me updated."

It was a fair deal and Montserrat knew it. "Okay," she nodded her head. "Thank you...for that. And everything else."

"Of course. Now go," Rafael let her go and hoped she would really listen to him this time. She looked so lost, so unlike herself. It wasn't right. He wished there was more he could for her, but what?

~0~

"Why are you picking me up?" Juliana immediately asked when Montserrat pulled up to her high school's pick-up driveway. The fifteen year old gave her aunt a narrowed-eyed stare while Montserrat did her best to keep her smile on her face.

"Just...get in," she unlocked the passenger's seat and motioned Juliana to come in.

The teenager pulled the door open and got into the car. She put her seat belt on then shifted on her seat to better face Montserrat. "Why are you picking me up?"

"Jesus, can't I surprise you or something?"

Juliana's face scrunched in confusion. "Why are you lying?"

Montserrat's nervous laugh didn't exactly help her case. "I'm not - I'm just picking-"

"Aunt Montse, seriously," Juliana leaned against her seat and watched as they pulled into a new street. "I'm not a child. That stuff can work on Ivana, but not on me."

"It's…" Montserrat sighed. Yeah, she knew she wouldn't be able to hide it from Juliana but she figured she'd at least have some time before she had to explain things. "We need to pick your sister up and then you'll be coming to stay with me for a few days."

"What?" Juliana frowned for a few seconds as she studied her aunt's face. There was a ping at the bottom of her stomach when she realized Montserrat was pale as could be and nervous. "You're picking at your nails again."

Her notice startled Montserrat because, up until now, no one had realized it was one of her nervous ticks. Even after last year, the picking her nails had remained one of her secrets.

"Is my dad dead?" Juliana's question was barely above an audible whisper, but the dread of the mere possibility had the teenager white as a sheet.

"Oh God no!" Montserrat immediately said, exclaiming to the point where she unexpected stop their car. Their bodies lurched forwards but ultimately they were good. "No, your Dad is _not_ dead. He is alive and w…" but she trailed off when it became apparent that Gael was not well. How could he be?

And Juliana saw that. "Aunt Montse, where's my Dad?"

Montserrat sucked in a deep breath. Her eyes gazed to the road ahead and no matter how hard she thought about it, she knew there was no easy way to tell her niece where Gael was. "Let's get your sister first."

~0~

Kara had learned the news from her brother, Damian, who'd gotten a call from their company prior. So when the door opened up, Kara jumped from the couch to help Montserrat but Juliana stormed into the apartment.

"Jules, hey, what are you…" Kara trialed off as the teenager stormed right past her, into the hallway, and straight into the bathroom where she slammed the door shut. Kara flinched when the door sounded like it would fall off its hinges.

Montserrat came in a few seconds later with Ivana in her arms. The four year old looked upset but it was more tears and pouts than anger.

"Oh Montserrat," Kara didn't know who to help first.

"That is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do," Montserrat's own eyes glistened with tears. It was difficult explaining to Juliana and Ivana why their father was in jail even though he was innocent. She didn't have the answers to their questions, and much less than comfort they desperately needed.

"I'm so sorry," Kara walked over and hugged Montserrat (and Ivana) tightly. "I'm here if you need anything."

"Thanks. Um, for starters, I needed to bring the girls here...sorry…"

"No, that's fine! We can take care of them here between us two."

"My Dad's going to pick them up from school so I'll just bring them in the morning. You won't notice them-"

"-stop, Montse," Kara started pulling Ivana from Montserrat's arms. The four year old would go with anyone at this point. "You're family. This is what we do."

"Well…" Montserrat took a moment to breath in and out. "I've no idea what I'm doing."

There was a brief knock on the door before Sonny poked his head into the apartment. At Montserrat's questioning look, he quickly said, "I got a key now," and walked in.

"Of course you do," Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes.

"I saw you pulling up. I heard what happened with your brother," he came up to her and gave her a hug of support. "I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, so am I," Montserrat sighed. She didn't even question the fact Kara must have already told him ahead of time. "I don't understand how this happened. My brother does not mess up like this. Putting people in the hospital because of negligence? I don't think so."

"I'm sure we'll figure it out. It's what we do best, right?" Sonny flashed her a friendly smile. He was there if she needed him too.

"Yeah," she gave a small nod and turned to the hallway. "Juliana locked herself in my room, didn't she?"

"Bathroom. And that's gonna need to change because...yeah…" Kara awkwardly made a face.

"She's just so mad and I...I can't blame her. How do I get her to come out?"

"Leave her a few minutes in there so she can cool down," Sonny suggested. "I have 3 sisters. I know how this pans out."

"Aw, poor you," Kara pretended to pout, leading him to roll his eyes at her.

He walked over to her and tried tickling Ivana so that she would at least look up from Kara's shoulder. "Hey c'mon, your aunt Montse says you love eating pasta. How about we make that for dinner, hm?" Ivana only lifted her head slightly so that she could meet his gaze from Kara's shoulder. "I'm going to need a helper because between you and me, your aunt Montse and Kara aren't very good at cooking."

"Hey!" went the two women with the same frowns. Kara even smacked his arm with a free hand.

"What!? I'm helping!" Sonny argued and ultimately got Ivana to accept his arms as a new holding place. "What kind of veggies do you want to put?"

Ivana pouted but she did answer after a few minutes, "My Daddy always puts broccoli."

"Broccoli?" Sonny was surprised to hear that a four year old willingly ate broccoli. "Yeah, definitely can do that then. C'mon, let's go see if we have everything we need."

Montserrat stopped him with a hand on his arm and whispered a "thank you" to him. Kara pulled Montserrat to the couch and sat her down, figuring it'd been a long day without breaks.

"How's your Dad?"

"Better than me, I guess," Montserrat shrugged. "He's meeting with Rita. But I think right now we're all just...lost."

"This isn't forever, Montse," Kara tried to sound as reassuring as possible. "We're going to get him out."

Montserrat nodded like she wanted to believe it, and she did, but right now the way she felt made everything seem so far and lost. Helpless.

Someone knocked on the door and when Kara went to open it, she found Damian on the other side. The two exchanged knowing looks before Damian walked in.

Soon as Montserrat saw him, she stood up from the couch. "What did they-"

"-business doesn't know how this happened either," Damian shook his head. "I did the evaluations. I know everything was put together the way it needed to be."

"Any evidence of that?"

"Yes. All documented."

Something lit in Montserrat's face. "Then we can show that and-and we can get Gael out." She rushed up to Damian and threw her arms around him. "Oh my God, thank you Damian!"

"What's going on?" Sonny emerged from the kitchen with Ivana behind his legs. He immediately eyed the hugging duo across and frowned.

"Damian might have what you guys need to free Gael," Kara grinned. "Isn't that great!?"

"Yeah, I mean...how?" Sonny asked, now wondering how long he'd been in the kitchen.

"It's protocol that we document each time we check to make sure everything was done right," Damian explained.

Montserrat slightly pulled away to smile at him. "You might have saved my brother."

"Don't I always do that?" Damian's light joke actually pulled a laugh from her.

Sonny smiled as did Kara, but the former just knew this whole ordeal was just a way for Damian to impress Montserrat. And the worst part was, he wasn't even doing it on purpose. It just so happened it worked out in his favor.

And Rafael without a single clue about it.

There he was in his office, attempting to do some work but his mind couldn't seem to focus. In fact, every few minutes or so, his eyes would end up flickering to his phone sitting at the edge of the desk as if it would ring. But what was he expecting? For Montserrat to call him at this hour? He was the one who told her to take some space between her and her work and whether or not he wanted to admit it, he was only part of her 'work life'. That was it. And the reminder of that made Rafael stop working until he could accept it (again) and continue his work. The cycle had been going on for the last couple of hours.

It was going to be a _long_ night.

With all those thoughts in his head, Rafael didn't notice the office door opening to let someone in. "Rafael?"

The call of his name wasn't what startled him, it was _who_ called him that was startling. Perhaps dreadful too. He got up on an instinct but despite having so many things rushing through his mind, he couldn't string two words together. So, only one came out instead. "Yelina?"

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

I told you guys angst was coming but I also swear that they do eventually get together. My proof? I just finished writing a cuteass scene between them involving childhood pictures. I _swear_.

P. S: I have created a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's also a place where anyone can comment about a story or even just talk to me! I often drop aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "noble-crescent" and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.


	30. There For Her

Montserrat's presence in the bullpen was immediately question when she walked in that morning. "I mean, you could try saying 'good morning'," her sarcasm seemed to be completely intact. She let her things drop on her desk before giving each of her co-workers a look for their bombardment of questions. "That hasn't gone out of style."

"We just figured you wouldn't show up for a few days," Fin said what everyone else was thinking.

"I want to keep my job and besides...these days where I have been gone...have been way too hard," she took a seat and scooted closer to her desk. "I think a little distraction might be good."

"But is your brother okay, then?" Amanda inquired.

"Calhoun is trying to sort things out with the evidence that Damian supplied her with. Maybe by the end of the day...my brother might be out," Montserrat's small smile was still so full of hope the others wished she was right. "But tell me how's Nick?"

"He's been arraigned," Olivia answered and soon the grimness started spreading to the rest of the squad. "1PP won't budge and none of us have $500,000 lying around."

"The judge seriously posted that as his bail?" Montserrat gaped. "That's outrageous! Not to mention, ridiculous?"

"Yeah, well, they're pinning it on the fact this isn't Nick's first offence," Sonny shook his head. "And Murphy isn't trying to do much for him."

"Hm, so now you're not really liking him either," Montserrat found a moment to smirk.

"He's not letting us help by investigating!" Sonny exclaimed in frustration. "We're just supposed to sit here and continue our work as if our friend isn't in trouble."

"Speaking of work…" Montserrat turned her chair to the others, "Not that I'm moving on from Nick, but...I heard we caught a new case? International vic?"

"Yeah, not really going anywhere though," Amanda bitterly remarked as she opened up her laptop. "Our vic was scammed by a girl and her pimp. Hans Erhard was a tourist from Germany and he answered a Craigslist for a New York girlfriend experience."

"We have both the girl and her pimp in custody but none of them are talking," Olivia shook her head.

"Can I take a crack at it?" Montserrat's question was so volunteering that it really sounded as if she was just her regular self. "I mean, maybe a fresh new detective?"

"Well how about you catch up on it first?" Murphy had walked into the bullpen with a coffee in hand. "Welcome back, detective. How's your brother?"

"As well as he could be in jail," Montserrat sighed and pushed herself up from her desk. "But this case...what do you have for me to review?"

Murphy directed her to their pinboard in the conference area. The good thing about Montserrat was that she really did catch on fast. In thirty minutes she knew exactly what they were dealing: two scammers looking for a quick buck in innocent tourists. Ellie Porter, the girl they'd brought in, was still waiting for a legal aid while her pimp - Little Tino - was already talking with his lawyer to get him out.

While the squad discussed their next plans, a tall dark-haired man in a nice suit walked in. By the briefcase he carried, it was presumed that he was a lawyer, later confirmed when he spoke up. "I'm looking for Ellie Porter. Sorry I'm late. I just caught the case."

"I thought you said you were waiting for her public defender?" Montserrat turned to the rest for some answers.

"We were," Fin answered while keeping his eyes keenly on the new man.

Olivia walked over to him, looking pretty comfortable in his presence but not very happy to see him. "Uh, guys,meet Trevor Langan. He's a, uh, high-priced mouthpiece for lowlifes."

Langan didn't seem the least bit offended by the introduction. In fact, he had something to add on. "And you, once. How soon we forget."

His words instigated some confusion amongst Montserrat, Sonny and Amanda but Fin motioned them not to even ask.

"It's nice to see you, detective," Langan offered a genuine smile at Olivia, leading the newer detectives to conclude he wasn't their typical Buchanan or even Calhoun type of lawyer.

"It's actually sergeant now," Olivia corrected. "So what, you caught a pro bono?"

"Yeah. Do a few of them a year. It keeps me an honest lawyer."

"An oxymoron," Murphy walked out of the office to find the new lawyer.

"Uh, this is our new C.O., Lieutenant Murphy," Olivia introduced.

"Wow. A lot of changes around here," Langan eyed the trio of detectives before giving Murphy a side-glance. Ultimately, he returned his gaze to Olivia with a different type of expression. One could say it was more caring than any other lawyer the squad had seen in the precinct. "And, uh...you, are you doing okay with, uh…everything?"

Olivia gave a nod of her head and made to turn. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks."

Murphy led Langan away so he could speak with Ellie.

"He's tall," Amanda remarked.

"Yeah, like that's a skill set," Olivia returned to her seat at the conference table.

"And good looking," Montserrat had to add which immediately earned her a disapproving look from Olivia. "Sorry, you two have history or what?"

Olivia humorlessly laughed. "I don't date lawyers."

"Since when?" Amanda then asked which silenced Olivia and left quite a few unanswered questions for Montserrat.

A few hours later, they had Ellie and Tino in lineups for Hans to ID.

"You okay?" Olivia asked Rafael when the ADA strode into bullpen. He'd come to oversee the lineups but he didn't appear to be his regular self.

"What? I'm fine," he said dismissively but the more he tried to be casual the less successful he was.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Montserrat noticed his grim face that also seemed pale for some reason. "I'm the one whose brother's in jail, why are you so upset?"

Rafael wouldn't answer. He looked to the side and all but puffed. It was a strange sight to see him so...shaken, because that's exactly what he looked like right now. His fingers twitched even though they were inside his pockets. His eyes couldn't seem to find a spot to look at for more than a few seconds.

"Get the lineup started," he told (or rather ordered) Olivia after a few pensive seconds.

Olivia blinked and cast a look at the rest of the squad. "Uh, okay…" she rose from her seat and headed for the corridor.

"You sure you good, councilor?" Sonny asked after a few seconds of watching Rafael continue to shift in his spot.

"Yes, now stop pestering me about irrelevant things." Now granted, his snap did sound like himself but his overall appearance was more than enough to think the contrary.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," Amanda muttered to the others as she got up.

"For that to happen, he'd actually have to sleep…" Montserrat of course expected a snap for her remark, but it never came. She frowned but before she could point out his lack of participation in their usual go, Olivia returned and announced that the lineup ready to go.

"You sure you're good?" Montserrat still managed to ask before Rafael had to follow after Olivia.

" _Yes_ ," he answered in a rushed manner, almost as if the faster he answered the quick they would all just move on from it. Well, Montserrat wasn't going to risk getting yelled at for asking again.

Hand Erhard had arrived a few minutes later, with crutches and a bruised face, and headed directly for the lineup. He recognized Ellie straightaway, but when it came to Tino...it was a miss.

"You need to start seeing Ellie as a victim," Langan trailed after Olivia when the lineup had finished, but the sergeant looked close to throwing him out. "She was pimped out at 16-"

"-she tried to pull a gun on Murphy," Olivia reminded him.

"Yeah, coerced by her pimp!"

Before the argument went further, Montserrat distanced herself due to her ringing phone. "It's Calhoun," she told the others before taking the call. Hope immediately filled her face as she answered Calhoun. Her brother could finally leave that hellhole and return to his normal life. "Tell me when I can pick him up."

But just as hope had filled her in seconds, it vanished in the same speed. If Rafael had been pale before, Montserrat beat him no questions asked. She was as white as a sheet. "What-what do you mean…?" her voice had turned frail, even her body looked as if she was swaying.

The others began to assume what Rita was telling the detective on the other line. But just like that, Montserrat bolted into a run, almost shoving Fin to the side in her run.

"Hey!?" the poor detective was left to call as he stumbled to stay on his feet.

"Something's wrong," Sonny assumed and hurried after Montserrat, prompting the others to do the same.

Montserrat had come back to the conference table where their television was on and scrambled to pick up the remote with one hand while still holding onto her phone in her other hand. She'd turned the television on and flipped to the news channel where an ongoing report was airing.

' _The Florence Commercial building that collapsed two days ago has now claimed its first deaths_ ,' the reporter was in the middle of saying, ' _Two victims have been reported as deceased after being hospitalized for severe injuries…_ '

Montserrat fervently shook her head as if that would make it all go away. "What does that mean!?" she demanded from Rita on the phone. While the others couldn't hear Rita's words, they could pretty much assume the situation. By the time Montserrat hung up, she was ready to fall back. And seeing that prompted Sonny to pull up a chair right behind her. She fell back on it with ease, making the others wonder what would've happened if there hadn't been a chair there in the first place.

"They're going to treat this as hom...homicide…" she barely got the wretched word out. It was too disgusting.

"But you said Damian had the evidence…" Sonny said, but Montserrat shrugged in the same confusion he had.

"Everything changes when someone dies," Rafael said quietly. He looked at the others and willed them to remember their own cases and what typically happens when they had a homicide-rape on their hands.

"What the hell am I supposed to do? He's being arraigned this afternoon and then there's going to be a trial date? As if he's an _actual_ criminal?" Montserrat frantically started to ramble. "I've got nothing to help him with. That evidence should've been enough, I…" she shook her head and let a hand cover her quiet sobs. "It should've been enough, it should've..."

The others exchanged looks with each other, all deciding they needed to help her stat. She was right in that the evidence should've been enough to get Gael out, but as Rafael pointed out...things got more complicated once there was murder. Still, it didn't mean it was impossible to prove Gael's innocence.

"Montserrat," Rafael was the one to cut the silence as he moved to Montserrat's chair. He bent down in front of her when she refused to look at anyone. "We can't help you if you don't let us," he said harsher than he would've liked, but then again that's really the only way she'd listen right now.

Montserrat only slightly lowered her hand but it was enough to showcase her reddened eyes. It was honestly a whole other side of her that neither Rafael nor the others had ever seen. "I can't do anything, weren't you listening?"

"Yes, and I think that you did the fatal mistake of listening to yourself," Rafael's counter-argument had her frowning in confusion. "You are a detective. Finding evidence is your _job_. That's all this is right now: you going back and finding evidence."

"Yeah except I'm usually the one who proves they're _guilty_ ," Montserrat sighed a shaky sigh.

"It doesn't mean you'd do your job worse. So listen, everyone here-" Rafael made a gesture at the others keenly watching him, "-is willing to help you but it will not make a difference if you've given up already."

"It's not that I've given up it's that…" Montserrat scrunched her face the more she tried to come up with a perfect way of describing how she felt, but all that came out was an exclaim that sounded more like a child's cry. "Dammit, Rafael, my brother's in jail and I feel like my world is crashing down on me!" Her look of anger on him didn't bother him in the least.

"And being hopeless is going to help you how?" his answer seemed to be upsetting her more.

"Councilor-" Sonny tried to intervene but Rafael pointed a finger for him not to even try interrupting. Sonny retracted his step and looked at the others with an ' _I tried_ ' expression.

However, his attempt to intervene did make Rafael realize he wasn't getting this whole 'comfort' thing. It was frustrating, honestly, because he wanted to help Montserrat. He wanted to ease her pain as much as he could but every time he opened his mouth he just made it worse. He'd never been good at that stuff. He never knew what to do.

He looked at Montserrat again, this time forcing any snaps at mind to stay away. She was still giving him that angry expression he was all too familiar with. "What time is he being arraigned?"

"Two o'clock," she answered but the mere reminder of what was to come forced most of the anger to fade from her face. New tears were threatening to roll down her face.

There came a relentless urge to hold her. It took everything he had not to do it. "I'll come with you to arraignment. We'll see exactly what Gael is being charged with and then we can work from there, okay?"

Montserrat nodded her head. "Okay. Will you actually come?"

Rafael smiled and gave her a tilted-head look. "When do I ever joke?" Now it was Montserrat's turn to smile, even if it was just for a second he would take it.

The others felt like they were witnessing something private that they needed to walk away from, but Montserrat unknowingly beat them to it. She pushed herself up from her chair and straightened herself up. She rubbed her face clear of any tears and took in a deep breath. "Okay fine. The Manhattan D.A wants a fight, I'll give them one. Hell, they've never had 2 Novaks and Calhoun all going against them, have they?"

"No," answered Rafael as he, too, straightened on his feet. "And I'd honestly wish them luck, but that wouldn't necessarily be true would it?"

"Listen, Montserrat, why don't you go and see Casey?" Fin suggested and looked back into the hallway where Olivia and Langan were still at. "We'll explain to Liv and Murphy. It's not like they'd say no."

"Honestly I'm a little fearful for the future of my job," Montserrat admitted, but even then it was evident that she would be leaving anyways. "I've been away too much…"

"Hey, we got this," Amanda assured her.

Montserrat agreed with a nod of her head and went to collect her things. It felt ridiculous that she'd just came back to work and was already taking off again but at the same time...her brother needed her. She couldn't be too far away.

"For the rest of you," Rafael looked at the remaining group with an expression akin to irritation, "You've got almost next to nothing on the Hans Erhard rape. One I.D. and it's not even the rapist."

"Are you feeling better now?" Amanda's sarcasm, that included a sarcastic smile, earned herself a glare from the ADA.

"Get something more or the case dies," he left it at that and it was only because he felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket. Soon as he took it out and saw the text message on the screen, his face turned pale again and his fingers seemed to start twitching again. He was nervous. "I have to go," he said in a mutter and made a hasty way out.

 _Can we have lunch today? - Yelina._

As much as he hated to, Rafael responded with a 'yes' because if he continued to say no, and blow her off, she would just come back to her office. Maybe if he had let her talk the night she appeared in his office, he wouldn't be having lunch with her now.

"You look like you've seen a ghost again," Montserrat's voice pulled Rafael's face from his phone. She was waiting for the elevator to arrive. "Which is funny because I've never seen you go that shade of color. Let me in on the secret so I can use it for later." He rolled his eyes but somewhere inside her playfulness alleviated some of his stress.

The elevator dinged and its doors slid open. Montserrat stepped inside first and waited for Rafael to follow before pressing the down button.

"Montserrat, I need to...apologize," Rafael suddenly started. Montserrat's side-glance was one akin to ' _the hell are you talking about_?' while he went on. "I'm not very good with...comfort words." And even now it was easy to see the struggle for Rafael to even say that. It was amazing yet ridiculous that he wasn't good with words around her, but he could easily have the right words to prosecute low-lives. Montserrat would do that to him a lot, make him question the simplest of actions he would usually take in other situations where she wasn't involved. But for Montserrat right now it was the funniest thing she ever saw on him. "I don't do a lot of comfort. And I know half of what I told you earlier was done in snaps-"

Montserrat had suddenly turned and hugged him. It was a tight hug that she'd been wanting ever since hell started with her brother's arrest, but she hadn't been brave enough to go for it. Right now, she just couldn't be bothered with the process of thinking 'should I or should I not?'. She let her chin rest on his shoulder. "You're doing just fine."

A small smile came to Rafael's face. His arms wrapped around her waist and held her tight. A few seconds later, one of his hands traveled up to her fiery hair and let his fingers stroke through her waves. Her hair was incredibly soft he imagined what it would be like running his hands through the rest of it somewhere else, somewhere more nice and private. _You have to stop right there_ , he berated himself.

If only he knew how much his gentle touch affected her. Montserrat felt a wave of calmness wash over her within seconds of his first stroke. She wanted to him to keep holding her and just hear from him that everything was going to be fine. But she felt the elevator come to a stop, warning the two that the doors would be opening soon.

Montserrat pulled away just enough to where Rafael could still hold onto her. "You'll come to arraignment?" she asked as if she was scared that he had already changed his mind.

Rafael reassured her with a nod. "Of course. I'll be there." He brought a hand to rest on her cheek, and even when the elevator doors, his founds soothed small circles over er skin. "I promise you I'll be there."

A relieved smile spread across Montserrat's face. "Thank you. Really. You really are doing just fine." She turned away and left the elevator first, but the moment she was out her skin where his fingers had been ached for his soft touch.

Okay, maybe she felt a little better…

~0~

 _Alright. In and out. In and Out._ Rafael was as confident as he could be when he took a seat across the woman he'd been avoiding with great difficulty. "Alright, I'm here. Let's get to it."

Yelina was no stranger to dirty looks anymore, not after the scandal that practically tore her family apart. She'd been subjected to doubtful and condescending stares, angry snaps, and the old fashion cold shoulder. But none of that she expected from Rafael. It certainly didn't make her decision to reach out to him seem like the best option, but she had a good motive.

"I'm sorry if I'm bothering you," she finally spoke a few minutes, but she noticed Rafael constantly looking around the restaurant as if they were doing something wrong. "I didn't really know what to do…"

"Really? And of all people to talk to, you chose me?"

Yelina tilted her head at him, genuinely looking upset. "Why are you treating me like this?" The choice of her softened tone almost made Rafael do a double-take at her.

"Are you - are you kidding me!?" he snapped on instinct. Not even her flinch made any effect to stop him. Actually, it might have angered him more seeing her try to be so innocent. "Do you not remember what happened? Because you do remember the part where _you_ warned me to back off when they were investigating Alex? I had Alex on the other side going on about me trying to bring him down out of jealousy. So excuse me if I'm a little upset that now you want to act like nothing happened."

"...fair enough," Yelina released a sigh. "I didn't know that was how I came across…"

"Really?" Rafael nearly laughed. "Don't insult my intelligence, Yelina. Now can we get to the reason why you're here? Why _I'm_ here? I have somewhere else to be."

"Please don't be this curt with me," Yelina's softness had disappeared, replaced with a more serious yet sharp expression. It was more like her, honestly. That look Rafael knew well. Whenever she was pissed off, that's the look you got. "It was hard swallowing my pride to call you and I want to believe that despite what happened...we can still be civilized friends."

"I don't know about that, to be honest." In another time, maybe Rafael would actually think about that idea, but for some reason there was no desire to stay in contact. At all. "You tried to manipulate me the last time we saw each other-"

Offense etched across Yelina's face at the accusation. "-I wasn't-"

"-yes, you were." And the worst part was, it hadn't even been _him_ who saw it. He missed it because he - admittedly - had clung to the last bit of friendship he had with her, the last bit of nostalgia he had. _Montserrat saw it_ , Rafael remembered perfectly the way in which he had snapped at Montserrat after she had made the comment. She'd only been looking out for him, like she always did even when he didn't deserve it. But that was Montserrat. She was always there.

"Rafael?" Yelina had been watching him for the minutes he spent in silence. There was a familiar look on his face but she didn't want to think about it too much, at least not now.

Her call did indeed pull Rafael back to the present. Soon as he was back he set for business, whatever that business might be anyways. "Why are we here?"

Yelina bit her tongue so as to not snap at his flat tone. "My husband is facing trial and God knows how many years."

" _And_? You're not seriously going to ask me to put in a good word for him, are you?"

"...maybe I just wanted to reach out to the only person who's willing to talk to me right now."

Rafael paused and gave her a strange look. "What?"

"You can imagine with all these accusations-"

"-and evidence," Rafael cut in with the truth, even if it did irritate her.

"Not a lot of people want anything to do with us, with me," the woman lowered her gaze. "I had to pull my daughters from their school. They're... they're the target for bullying, for hatred...I don't know what to do."

 _Dammit_. She was being honest. She looked honest. And that's what made it difficult for Rafael to remain stoic. She could be playing tricks but right now she just looked vulnerable. In another time, that would've reeled him right to her. And the fact it didn't have the same effect right now was startling...in a good way though. It almost made him proud.

He felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket. While he checked who it was, he was aware of Yelina's hawk-stare.

 _Arraignment is in half an hour. Will you come?_ \- Montserrat.

"Something important?" There was unmistakable sharpness in Yelina's question, or rather demand, and it kind of irritated him. Where did she get off being that demanding when _he_ was doing _her_ a favor by showing up to this awkward lunch.

"Yes, actually," Rafael sent back a quick 'yes' to Montserrat and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. "I need to go."

"We're not done," Yelina shook her head. "You haven't said anything to me except take jabs at my pain. I thought there was at least a shred of kindness you could offer me. Did I dare think too much? Is there nothing you can offer me now?" She reached her hand across the table to touch Rafael's.

The ADA flinched but he didn't pull his hand away. He was, admittedly, taken by surprise.

~0~

Montserrat was biting into her index nail to the point of drawing blood. Twice Casey had yanked Montserrat's hand down and shot her a look not to do it again.

"What are you, 5?" the ADA whisper-hissed. They were waiting in the hallway, just outside the arraignment room.

"I'm 30, stressed, and my brother's going to trial, so I will act anyway I want to!" Montserrat snapped and promptly stuck her nail between her teeth.

Casey groaned and rolled her eyes. She turned away and saw familiar figures coming down the hall towards them. "There's uncle Thomas. Least he's not alone either."

Montserrat followed her direction to see her father and Damian. "Dad," she went to hug him first.

"Hi sweetheart," Thomas hugged her tightly. He couldn't believe they were here. "How are you holding up?"

"Hm, as much as I can be," Montserrat bit her lower lip like it was gum.

"The girls, Juliana and Ivanna-"

"They're at school right now and Kara's picking them up. I'm taking care of them, Dad, I promise."

"I never said you weren't, dear. I just imagine it's difficult with your schedule…"

"I'm taking some time off."

"Again?"

Montserrat felt the underlying insinuation that she'd been missing too much work, but at the same time what was she supposed to do? Work like nothing while her brother faces criminal charges?

"It's fine, uncle Thomas," Casey said as she gave the man a quick hug. "The thing about being a cop and an ADA is that you don't have to explain a lot when you're out. People just think you're doing work."

"Or people think you're recusing yourself," a tall blonde woman appeared behind Thomas and Damian. The two men looked back then retracted the same steps so that the blonde could get through.

Soon as she saw her, Casey glared. "Geraghty," she practically spat the blonde's name out.

"I assume this is the family," Geraghty looked at the rest with icy blue eyes. "Since Casey had to recuse herself from the case due to, um, well…" her thin eyebrows twitched upwards.

"Because we're family," Casey said it just to end the woman's drama.

"Well, I'll be prosecuting the case. ADA Geraghty," she introduced herself but quickly moved into business. "You should know that I am going for reckless endangerment and Manslaughter."

"He's innocent," Montserrat said through gritted teeth, but Geraghty only smiled dismissively.

"I'll see you all in a bit," she moved on from the group and left a terse air behind.

"She seems...lovely…" Damian said quietly but Casey scoffed loudly.

"She's a bitch. And she's been after my job for a while. This is the first time I ever had to recuse myself from a case so of course she nabbed the job the moment she could."

"Casey I'm sorry," Thomas apologized but Casey scoffed again.

"Are you kidding me? Nothing will make me happier than to see her being forced to drop the charges when we prove Gael is innocent."

A short moment later, the doors were open for arraignments. Gael wouldn't be the first one to be brought out, so it left quite some time of waiting. And waiting meant a lot more thinking was done, leading to horrible thoughts.

"Did Calhoun say anything about her strategies?" Montserrat quietly asked Casey during their wait time at the benches. "I haven't been able to get in contact with her today even though I'm pretty sure I bombarded her phone with voicemails."

"Not really, but since we're on her side, it'll be good," Casey said with certainty Montserrat wished she had too.

When Gael's turn was nearing, the group decided to go inside and find a seat. The only reason Montserrat stayed behind was due to Sonny and Liv coming towards her.

"What are you guys doing here?" Montserrat blinked at their presence. "Murphy's going to have a fit when he realizes half of his employees are gone."

"Don't worry, he knows we're just here for the arraignment," Olivia said to ease the woman's concerns.

"And for anything you might need from us," added Sonny.

"Thanks," Montserrat sighed. She looked into the arraignment room with nothing but dread. "I don't know what's going to happen...the ADA is, as Casey put it, a bitch. So good luck to my brother."

"It'll be fine, c'mon," Olivia motioned Montserrat to go in first but Montserrat seemed to want to stay behind a bit longer.

"Do you need a moment?" assumed the Sergeant.

"Yeah, kinda," Montserrat nodded. It was enough to send the two in without more questions. Yes she did need a little break to herself but, if she was being honest, she was also making time.

 _He's late_ , she thought after checking the time. But even when she wanted to further fall, she berated herself. _He's got things to do. Be glad he even offered to stop by_. Montserrat closed her eyes for a moment, at least to calm herself down before she would have to go inside.

"Montserrat?" Rafael called when she turned for the doors. He picked up his pace to get to her on time. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I-I was…" He didn't quite want to finish that sentence for some reason, but thankfully Montserrat was overly relieved with his presence so she didn't question him at all.

"No, no! You're absolutely fine!" she exclaimed.

"We can go in whenever you're ready," Rafael made a gesture for the doors but watched her carefully for her reactions. Who knew, she might go in the opposite direction.

Montserrat took a deep breath and looked at the doors. "I gotta do it. My brother's the one in trouble. I can do _this_. Course I can. I can…"

When she started rambling on about the same thing, Rafael knew she was in the process of backing out. He couldn't blame her. But he did know that if she actually backed out and missed her brother's arraignment, she would never forgive herself.

"You need to go inside, Montserrat," he said softly. He met her nervous gaze and offered her an encouraging smile, and his hand.

She took his hand in a fast second. Then, with every bit of courage she owned, she led them into the arraignment room. It was just in time because Gael was being led out by one of the officers.

 _When the hell did Calhoun get in here!?_ Montserrat wondered, almost mad at herself for missing the woman. That's how absorbed she was in her own problems.

Rafael found them an open seat in the second row when Montserrat paused because her thoughts had gotten to her again. He didn't let her get away, though, and gently ushered her first.

"How does your client plead?" the judge was in the middle of asking when they finally sat down.

"Not guilty, your honor," Calhoun answered before Gael could even open his mouth. He was under strict orders not to talk at all. "The charges are seriously misplaced and when this is all over, Mr. Novak will be filing a lawsuit against 1PP and the DA's office."

"The charges of reckless endangerment and Manslaughter are _hardly_ misplaced," Geraghty shot Calhoun an incredulous glare. But given the line of Calhoun's work, it was nothing more than a petty frown in her opinion.

"Save it for trial," the judge ordered the two women. "How are we on bail, Miss Geraghty?"

Geraghty straightened behind her spot. "Remand, your honor. The defendant has the means to flee what with his outstanding high paying job and double nationality with Slovakia."

"You have double nationality?" Rafael found himself asking Montserrat out of sheer curiosity.

Montserrat shrugged, indicating a 'yes'. "Dad's doing," she whispered. "If you have a parent from Slovakia you're eligible for dual citizenship. You want to go Slovakia some time?"

"Hm, how about we go to Cuba first?" He met her look with a smile and when she realized what they had said, she blushed and looked away.

 _This is **not** the time to do this, Montserrat_, she berated herself. She forced her attention back on the arraignment and hoped to God Calhoun would come through for them this one time.

Calhoun scoffed at Geraghty's argument. "Oh please. My client is a single father of 2 girls who need him at home, not to mention he has Manhattan's own Homicide ADA Casey Novak and SVU Detective Montserrat Novak vouching for his presence. Believe me, he is not going anywhere."

"They _are_ family," Geraghty shot Casey and Montserrat a specific look, almost accusatory. Montserrat wasn't in any condition to fight back, but Casey glared daggers back at the ADA. "And since they knew how the system works, I think remand is more than appropriate here."

Calhoun almost laughed in the woman's face. She rebutted like she normally would, only this time Montserrat was counting on her to make a damn good rebuttal that would allow her brother to come home today.

Without realizing it, Montserrat gripped Rafael's hand. She was over the top nervous and somewhere along the way, her hand had found his. She wasn't aware of it, but Rafael was. He felt the moment his hand was squeezed - which, honestly, showed she had tremendous strength - and so he did what he felt he should; what he _wanted_ to. When she leaned on him (an attempt to listen better to Geraghty), he was just her rock, her support. He soothingly rubbed his fingers over her hand.

Sonny caught the two's closeness and couldn't help but feel a little proud that some sense had finally been knocked into them. Of course the feeling faltered when he noticed Damian's lingering look on pair. _Oh right,_ it still pained Sonny having to keep that secret all to himself. It felt like a ticking time bomb.

~ 0 ~

"Do you have the money?" Calhoun stood in front of the group after arraignment. It was a win that remand had been discarded, however the bail money was now the issue considering it was a pretty high amount.

"No, but we'll make it work," Thomas looked at his daughter, both knowing they wouldn't have that type of amount between them.

"$50,000 is a pretty insane amount," Montserrat scowled, already mentally going through her back account to see how much she could put up.

"No it isn't," Calhoun gave her a tilted-head look. "You're just on the receiving end this time."

"Hey," Casey warned her not to even go down that road.

Calhoun raised her hands in defence. "I'm going to go find out when the court date but I suggest you don't keep him in there long. If anyone on the inside finds out he's related to an ADA and SVU detective, he's not going to be having fun."

"Maybe go for protective custody, then?" Montserrat's tone went flat, as did her face.

"What else do you think is on my to-do list?" Calhoun rolled her eyes and moved around the trio to leave.

"Are you sure she's going to help us?" Thomas was left asking.

"Don't worry Dad," Montserrat turned to her father with the best warm smile she could put on. "Calhoun is tough. She'll help us."

The trio rejoined the others near the elevator after Calhoun had left them.

"Hey, Calhoun seemed pretty sure of herself," Olivia said. "That's good."

"She's a shark," Rafael chimed in, not really sure if he was giving the woman a compliment or an insult. He wasn't used to having her on their side.

"Which means she'll do the job just fine," went Sonny.

"Now we just gotta focus on the bail money," Montserrat sighed. She dug her hands into her ginger curls, tugging on them. She might lose some hair in these next few weeks.

"Listen," Damian started, "I don't have a lot but I can put up 10 grand for the bail money."

"That's still a lot of money, Damian," Montserrat said. "I don't want you to use it all up on us. I'm sure Gael would agree."

Damien shook his head. "You're taking the money or we're going to argue over it." He gave her a smile that left no room for such arguments.

"Thanks," she hugged him.

"I can put up another 10," Casey said, breaking them apart. "I've not wasted money in a real good time considering I never _have_ time to go out."

"I can put 15k," Thomas added. "Retirement savings. But I can get more, I'm sure. I just have to look more through my finances."

"That's $35,000," Montserrat drew in a deep breath then exhaled. "Maybe I can put up another 10. That'd just leave another 5 grand."

"We can't leave Gael in there for long," Damian said. "Why don't we get together and see if we can come up with the solution today?"

"Sounds good," Thomas agreed then looked at Montserrat.

"Go on, I'll catch up with you guys in a bit," she motioned them to get a head start.

"Thank you for coming," Thomas said to Olivia, Sonny and Rafael before leaving with Casey and Damien.

"He's right, thanks for coming," Montserrat sighed. "I'll report for work tomorrow. I promise."

"That's not necessary. You take your time out until this is solved," Olivia told her. She put a comforting hand on Montserrat's arm, offering one of her momma-bear smile that - admittedly - did make Montserrat feel a bit better. "We've got things at the precinct."

"Thanks," Montserrat said quietly. "Although honestly I don't know how long it'll be."

"Just focus on bail for now," Sonny advised. "Take it one bit at a time."

"I know but I just...I know that Casey, Dad, and Damian are putting up everything they have. Even though I'm going to put up what I have, it's not going to be enough. We're still going to be $5,000 short."

"You heard Carisi, take it one bit at a time," Rafael said. He did what Olivia had earlier and rested a hand on her arm, though Montserrat felt a lot more comfort with his touch than Olivia.

No offence to Olivia…

"Thanks for coming," Montserrat said, though there was a distinct possibility it had been only meant for Rafael this time round.

"Of course," he offered her a small smile, knowing nothing would be alleviating her pain right now. He had to come up with something to help her.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Do I enjoy putting Montserrat through some angst? Not precisely. Is it fun? Kind of.

Also I don't even know if they do arraignments in the afternoon but we'll say they do for this world ;)

And thanks to the reviewer for your kind words! Hope you liked this new chapter!


	31. Impeccable Timing

Montserrat sat on a metal table with her brother on the opposite side. She felt terrible for bringing the bad news, even more bad news than what he already had. "I'm so sorry, Gael. I promise we're trying to figure it out-"

Gael reached for one of his sister's hands and gave her a small smile, the best he could do right now. "I know you are trying. You don't need to remind me. The bail money is excessively high. I don't want you or anyone else to waste it on me."

"We just need $5,000 more. I know we can raise it I just...I haven't figured out a way to do it," Montserrat shook her head. And it wasn't like she wasn't trying. For the past two days she'd been going over her own finances along with her father's and even Casey's but between the three there wasn't any more money they could gather. Each of them had already put up a substantial amount, including Damian's own offer...and it still wasn't enough.

"Montserrat, when's the last time you slept?" Gael's question confused Montserrat since it wasn't pertinent (in her opinion) to the situation.

"I-I don't know," shrugged the detective. "Who cares."

" _I_ care," Gael said, and sharply too. "Because you're spreading yourself too thin. What about your job? Have you gone back already?"

"I'm on an indefinite leave," Montserrat said casually.

"Montserrat-"

"-I'm just meeting with Calhoun to know your situation and I'm working to get some more evidence with Damian, alright? I can sleep when you're out of jail and free of any accusations."

"Montserrat," Gael gripped Montserrat's hand, urging her to stop and listen to him even if it was for just a moment, "I _really_ appreciate everything you're doing for me. I know you hate Calhoun-"

"-eh, it's more of a frenemy thing," Montserrat cut in but Gael went on before she could discard everything else he wanted to say.

"But you're paying her big bucks to solve my case. And then you're taking care of my girls and God knows that's not an easy job."

"Yeah, I never knew putting a four year old to sleep involved...so many things," Montserrat wanted to yawn just thinking about all the tricks she had to pull so Ivana would fall asleep. "But it's okay, because you're my brother and I know these accusations are false."

" _Are_ they?"

Montserrat blinked at her brother. Why was he looking so serious?

"I've seen the pictures, okay? I know everything that happened and...I can't help wonder...what if it _is_ my fault those people got hurt?"

"Shh!" Montserrat quickly went. This was a tactic she would normally love if she hated the perp but this was her brother and he was innocent. "Shut up! Anything you say here _can_ be used against you!"

"I'm only thinking-"

"-no!" she snapped. "You know for a fact you did everything by the book. You did all the evaluations, followed every code. You know that."

"So then why did people get hurt?"

Montserrat shifted in her seat. It pained her to know that they still didn't have an answer. It was an outright mystery why that building collapsed. "I don't know, but I'm going to find out. In the meantime, just stay put and...be a bit patient with me. I'm gonna get that money to get you out of here."

"Thanks," Gael sighed. "Before you go...can I ask how my girls are doing?"

Montserrat smiled. "Ivana is fine. The thing about being 4 is that she is in an endless blissful bubble. She thinks you're just away."

"Thank you...and Juliana?" Gael shared a meaningful look with his sister. Teenagehood was already hell; he was sure he was only making it worse for his daughter right now.

"She's….uh...taking it hard," Montserrat swallowed hard. It was a bit of an understatement but she wasn't going to worry her brother more than he already was. "But we're handling it - I'm handling it."

"Handling a teenager is not an easy job and Juliana already has a temper…"

"She's going to be fine," Montserrat assured him despite not knowing it herself. "I'm going to make sure of it."

"Thank you," Gael gripped her hand again. "Really...thank you."

"What's family for?" Montserrat's smile would only last until her brother was taken away. Because as soon as she left, she handled yet another call from Juliana's school. She made a quick trip to the school and walked straight into the school's main office. She informed the first secretary she saw that she was there for Juliana and was immediately directed to her niece sitting outside the principal's office.

"Are you frikin kidding me?" she hissed at Juliana as she hurried up to the teenage ginger. "It's only noon!"

Juliana sat with her legs tightly closed and her arms crossed just as tightly against her chest. She looked like a four year old who'd gotten a scold...and she just might get one.

"What happened?" Montserrat bent down in front of her niece, letting go of the anger for a minute in hopes of getting the story from Juliana before she got it from the principal.

"I just did what I had to," Juliana curtly answered.

Montserrat tilted her head, then. "What did you do?" her voice sharpened.

Juliana did not answer.

The principal's door opened up to reveal a short, brunette woman dressed in a formal gray dress. Montserrat had come to know the woman in the past week as Principal Jannae Cams. "Miss Novak?"

"Yeah," Montserrat straightened on her feet. "Here I am...again…"

Cams turned away and led Montserrat into the office. Montserrat closed the door and inwardly sighed. She prepared herself for whatever Juliana pulled now.

"You should know, first and foremost, that we do not tolerate any type of violence in this school," Cams took her seat and left Montserrat to figure it out and take her own seat. "Which is why Juliana is suspended for the next three days."

"What?" Montserrat blinked. "What did she do?"

"Got into a fight with another of our students. Juliana was seen by at least three other students when she threw the first punch."

"My niece would never hurt anyone," Montserrat tried to say but Cams already had the story prepared and so cut her off.

"She broke the other student's nose. And when we asked Juliana about it, she admitted it. Juliana initiated the fight. She's suspended."

"I don't...I…" Montserrat drew in a deep breath to calm herself down before she too initiated a fight. "I have no idea what happened but I know for a fact that Juliana would never act like this unless she was provoked. What did the other student have to say about this?"

"That she was punched," Cams said, overly sarcastic which only fueled Montserrat's own anger. "In the nose. The family's pretty upset, as you can imagine."

"Well, I'd like to talk to this student and know what happened."

"Miss Novak, I understand that your family is currently undergoing some...problems, and I think it's affecting Juliana negatively. Perhaps you should take these 3 days of suspension as a way to talk to Juliana or, at the very least, get her some help."

Montserrat may have wanted to throw her own punch, but that wasn't like her either. She closed her eyes for a second to take another breath in. "Juliana's father, my brother, is being falsely accused so...yeah, it might be affecting Juliana but do you know what? She never fought before and even now...I know she wouldn't ever hurt someone so I'd really like to know what that other student had to say."

"I'm sorry, but that would be up to the parents."

Montserrat pushed herself up from her seat. "Fine," she practically spat before leaving the office. She grabbed Juliana by the arm on her way out of the main office, ignoring the teenager's cries to be let go until they were in the school hallway.

Classes were still in session which gave them the perfect chance to talk freely.

"I want to know what the hell happened that would lead to you breaking someone's nose!" she demanded from Juliana. "And don't you dare huff at me. What happened?"

"I already told Principal Cams that I punched Eleanor's nose!"

"Yeah, got that, what I want to know is _why_!?"

"Because she kept talking about my Dad like he was some criminal! She said he was a murderer and that he should rot in jail so you know what? I punched in her nose," Juliana folded her arms again, "And if I hadn't been pulled off her I would've gladly punched her again."

"Oh God Juliana," Montserrat pinched the bridge of her nose. Yeah, she should've seen this coming. "She was riling you up-"

"-of course she was! I'm not stupid!"

"No, but you were stupid enough to _fall_ for it," Montserrat couldn't help but snap. "And now you've been suspended for 3 days. What the hell am I going to do? I just told your Dad I had things under control-"

"-you saw Dad?" Juliana's eyes widened. Her entire face lit up. "Can I see him!?"

"No! Because you're grounded!"

"What?" Juliana snorted. "You can't ground me. You're not my Mom."

"But I _am_ your aunt and your current guardian so guess what? Grounded. And be grateful that I'm not mentioning this to your father. He's worried sick about you and Ivana."

"Well I'm worried too, but I can't do anything about it can I?" Juliana turned away, nearly letting her hair whip Montserrat's face. "I can't even see him!"

Montserrat had to pray that Juliana would see some light and be patient, otherwise there would be another type of hell coming for them.

~ 0 ~

As soon as Montserrat had gotten Juliana back home, the teenager locked herself in Montserrat's bedroom. She and Ivana had been staying there while Montserrat took the couch. But even then, Montserrat couldn't dwell too much in the suspension because she had to meet up with Damian about the bail money. Once more, they went through each other's finances, Casey's and Montserrat's father but they were still coming up short.

"Woah, what happened to my kitchen?" Kara's voice pulled the two from work to see her and Sonny walking into the apartment.

"We're just trying to figure it out again," Montserrat groaned and crumpled up an old bank statement in her hand.

"You guys are still short?" Sonny came over to see the handful of papers around Montserrat's immediate area.

"Yeah, the same 5 grand and no matter how we look at things...it doesn't add up."

"I told you guys I could put up 2 grand," Kara offered but Montserrat shook her head. "No. You need that for your salon's expenses."

"You're putting up your entire life saving's, girl," Kara countered but Montserrat still wouldn't give in.

"I'm sure, with a couple more days, we can figure it out," Damian said.

"I don't want Gael to spend another day in there," Montserrat sighed. "There's enough problems already and if I can get Gael out...that would really be nice. I just picked up Juliana because she's been suspended for 3 days."

"What happened?" frowned Sonny. The girl seemed like such a sweetheart.

"She punched a girl and broke her nose."

"Ha," Kara smirked. "Been there, done that."

"Yeah," Damian scowled at her and brought a finger to his nose as if it were still broken. "Watch out, Sonny."

The detective in question threw a concerned look at Kara.

"Juliana's getting picked on because of what's going on with Gael," Montserrat brought them back to the story. "So if I can get him out then at least he can be here to help them because obviously I'm not doing a good job."

"Hey, you're doing what you can," Damian got up from his chair and moved to Montserrat's side.

"Dad has Ivana right now because I couldn't pick her up on time from school," Montserrat brought her hands to her face. "I'm crashing here."

Damian gently pulled her hands from her face and squeezed them in his. "You're doing good. Why don't you get some rest? I can take things from here."

"Are you kidding? I can't go to sleep right now-"

But Damian pulled her right up, bringing them just a bit too close that had Sonny eyeing them. "I can take it for a couple hours. Get some rest."

"Yeah, he's right," Kara stepped forwards. "Take my room and if Juliana comes out we'll make sure she doesn't get into more trouble."

"I...I guess…" Montserrat gave the two siblings a soft smile. "Thanks. Really." She gave each a hug though it seemed to linger a bit more with Damian.

Once more, Sonny noticed it and had to hide his frown.

But before Montserrat would leave, she turned to her partner. "I've been meaning to ask, how's Nick?"

"He's good," Sonny answered her with a small smile. "The charges got dropped, actually. And, Olivia's acting commander again."

"What? What happened to Declan?"

"Some undercover mission, I don't know. But Liv's back in charge. And we're all waiting for you to come back."

"Believe me, I really want nothing but this nightmare to end too," Montserrat gave him a quick hug before leaving for a nap.

Kara waited to speak until Montserrat closed the door to her room. "Okay, now that it's just us...how bad is it?"

Damian threw a weary look at the papers left on the table. "We've gone through it dozens of times and...we are just out of money. Not to mention the fact Montserrat's solely paying Calhoun. She can't put up her entire savings for this."

"So what can we do?"

"Any of you guys got 5 grand just lying around?"

"I wish," Kara sighed. "My 2 grand still stands."

"You need that, though," Sonny reminded her. He'd love to help out but he was stuck with bills as well. Plus, he had a feeling Montserrat wouldn't he accepting his money anytime soon.

"We'll come up with something," Damian insisted. "But for right now I'm gonna head back to work. I know I told Montserrat that I would stay here and focus on the bail money but I think I would be a little bit more useful if I tried to find more evidence to help the case. Bail money becomes useless if the defendant is no longer a defendant but a convict."

"Yeah," Sonny nodded. He had mixed feelings about the guy but at least he knew Damian's heart was in the right place. "I need to head back to work too," he told Kara.

"Thanks for having lunch with me," Kara gave him a hug and a kiss before sending him off. Of course no one told her that she would be left to pick up all the papers from her kitchen table and floor.

~0~

"So she's not coming back anytime soon, then?" Olivia was disappointed, yet understood, to hear Sonny's relay of Montserrat's situation.

The detective stood in the middle of the bullpen's desks. He'd come in a few minutes before they were to discuss a new case potentially going to trial. They were only waiting for Rafael to get there.

"Nah, she's got way too much on her plate," Sonny said. "Juliana just got suspended for 3 days."

"What she do?" Amanda asked, looking just as surprised as Sonny had when he initially heard the news.

"Broke another student's nose."

"Teenagers," Fin said as of that was a reasonable explanation for anything.

"Those faces worry me," Rafael said as he came in. "Did the case go south already?"

"Everything's still intact," Olivia eased his worries. "We were only talking about Montserrat's troubles."

"Right," Rafael did a poor job looking casual. Truth was he hadn't heard from Montserrat in days and he didn't have the courage to call her. If she hadn't reached out to any of them, it was because she was too busy. He just had to learn how to control himself. "How...is she doing?"

Olivia gestured to Sonny since he had all the information. The detective shook his head. "Not so good. Way too many problems for one person to handle."

"Is no one helping her?" there was a sharp tone to Rafael's words that Sonny, and pretty much everyone else noticed.

"Well, yeah, but...it's a lot. Right now Montserrat's just focused on that bail money."

"She still hasn't collected it?"

"$5000 short."

"Oh…" Rafael let a moment of silence pass by before he moved the group onto business, but it didn't mean he'd forget what Sonny told him. And much less that it would stop bothering him.

When he was to leave, he managed to pull Sonny aside while everyone went onto their assigned tasks.

"Exactly how much does Montserrat need?" he asked very quietly once they were out in the hallway.

"About $5000 but listen, councilor, I know where you're getting at and believe me I've thought of doing the same thing," Sonny admitted in the same hushed tone Rafael used. "But I think we both know Montserrat would kill us if we tried giving her the money. Kara already tried doing the same and she got the same answer."

"That's insane. She needs help and we can give it to her." But even as Rafael said it, he knew there was no way Montserrat would take his money. She was too proud. Plus, if roles were reversed he wouldn't take money from her either.

But the thing was…

He didn't care.

He needed to help her and he had the means.

So he'd take the chance and be smart about it.

~0~

"Kara, I'm going out," Juliana was adamant despite having the blonde woman standing in front of the apartment door.

"No, you're not. Your aunt said you were grounded!"

"And I said that I wasn't!"

Kara blinked. She couldn't get how the hell Juliana turned into some temper-tantrum teenager - well, she had an idea but it still wasn't cool. "Your aunt is resting and you really need to let her. She has been spreading herself thin just to make sure you and your sister are okay."

"Well I'm not okay!" Juliana snapped. "Because my Dad isn't here! He's being accused of murder, haven't you heard?"

With a sigh, Kara leaned away from the door and walked up to the girl. "And your aunt is working so hard to prove he's innocent. Now you have to do your part and be a good listener."

Juliana scoffed and practically pushed past Kara to get to the door. Kara called for her to stop but of course Juliana never even looked back. She only slammed the door shut behind her. With a groan, Kara hurried to the door and opened it, only to bump into Rafael instead.

"I'm curious, do you or Montserrat ever just say a normal 'hello'?" he rubbed his nose with a common frown on his face.

"Sorry," Kara rubbed her own face. "You didn't happen to catch Juliana out there, did you?"

"Yeah, she looked mad as hell."

"She _is_." Kara sighed and let her hand drop to her side. "What are you doing here, anyways? If you came for Montserrat, good luck. She's finally getting some sleep and I doubt she'll be waking up anytime soon."

"I actually came to speak with you," Rafael admitted, reasonably surprising her since they hardly crossed words.

"Me? What for?"

"About Montserrat. Are you sure she's asleep?"

Kara nodded and motioned him to come in. "She hasn't slept in days. Trust me. She didn't wake up with Juliana's screams, so...we're good."

"Good," Rafael drew in a breath, letting Kara notice that he was nervous. That was novelty.

"What's going on?" she finally asked.

Rafael decided to just come out with it. He always blurted things out anyways. "Sonny told me that Montserrat was having trouble collecting the last of the bail money for Gael."

Kara sighed. "Yeah. She's going crazy."

"Alright, well...I want to help her with it. But I also know that…"

"Montserrat's too damn proud to take money from any of us?" Kara smiled sarcastically. "Yeah. I know her oh-so-well. And because I know her that well, I know that she won't take any money from you." _Especially you_ , she thought.

"I know," sighed Rafael. He thought about it long and hard all day until he came up with an idea that could would work. "Which is why I'm giving you the money."

"Me!?" Kara blinked with wide eyes.

"Yeah, because she'll take the money if she thinks it's coming from you."

"No, that won't work," Kara shook her head. "I tried giving her 2 grand and she rejected it."

"Because she thought it was money that usually goes into your business. So just tell her that it's from somewhere else."

"I don't know…" Kara didn't feel right lying to Montserrat, but she also knew that maybe she'd be the only one who could actually get Montserrat to accept money from him.

Rafael reached for something inside his coat's pocket and pulled out an envelope. "It's the 5 grand."

"You walked the streets with 5 grand in your pocket!?" Kara exclaimed.

Rafael rolled his eyes. "Focus please. Take the money and make Montserrat use it."

"But she'll think it's from me and...that won't be right."

"That's the point. She'll never take money from me and I really want to help her, so…" Rafael motioned Kara to take the envelope.

Kara studied his face and realized, very quickly, that there was a desperate urge to help. She could identify with that because if Sonny was in dire need of money, she would want to help him by any means possible...and she would do whatever it took to help him. For that, she accepted the envelope. "I'll make sure she takes it," she promised for his concern.

There was an instant relief in Rafael's face. "Thank you. Really."

"You're welcome," Kara went to leave the envelope on the coffee table. She wanted to hand it to Montserrat first thing when the latter woke up.

"Thanks," Rafael headed for the door since he'd finished business, but at the last moment he turned back. "How...is she? For real?"

Kara could appreciate his attempt to be casual and discreet, but his feelings were visible from a mile away no matter what he did. "She's….she could be better. Her brother's being falsely accused of murder, so...you can understand that...it's difficult."

Rafael nodded silently.

"But I know that your help will definitely do her some good," Kara added in hopes of helping _him_ as well.

"Wish I could do more," he blurted.

"You could," Kara wasn't afraid, like most people, to say things how they were. "But that's all up to you."

Rafael pointed at her as if he was going to say something, but in the end he opened the door and left.

"Nobody escapes Kara Mackie," Kara proudly said.

~ 0 ~

It was evening when Montserrat finally woke up, but even when she did she still felt rather tired. She emerged from Kara's bedroom to a quiet apartment. Kara was busy watching television but quickly paused the screen when she saw Montserrat.

"Hey!" she swallowed down the last of her popcorn before sitting up.

"Ivana isn't here, is she?" Montserrat assumed first. A four year old would never be this quiet.

"Uh, no. Your dad's keeping her tonight."

"And Juliana?"

Kara bit her lower lip. Yeah, she'd been debating how to go about that part. "Umm...she's...sort of...out…"

"Out?" Montserrat picked her phone from her back pocket and saw the time. "It's seven o'clock. Wait, she's not supposed to be out! She's grounded."

"Yeah that...sort of didn't take," Kara apologized with a small smile before bursting into a fit of rambles. "I'm so sorry! I tried to stop her but I really forgot what it's like being a teenager! She didn't listen - she was so mad!"

"Kara, it's alright," Montserrat sighed and sat down next to her. "I know Juliana's sort of...in a funk right now."

"But don't worry, I got your friend - Claire Wilson? She's with Juliana and she's keeping me updated in case they get into trouble."

"Well thanks," Montserrat leaned back against the couch. "But it still leaves so many other problems." She rubbed her hands over her face and groaned. Maybe she should just go back to sleep.

"Listen," Kara grabbed the remote control again and shut the television off, "I was...doing some digging through my own finances and…"

"Oh, Kara, no…" Montserrat presumed where her friend was headed. She watched Kara reach for an envelope on the table.

"I got the money, Montse," Kara put on her best smile, a hopeful one at that. "All $5000 of it. It's right here." She held the envelope to Montserrat but, as expected, Montserrat wouldn't take it.

"I can't do that. Where'd you even get the money from, you didn't have it before."

"I, uh, dug for it," shrugged Kara. She pushed the envelope to Montserrat's chest, but the ginger shook her head.

"Absolutely not. I can't take it."

"Oh!" Kara groaned. "And why not? You took it from Damian-"

"-because he's Gael's friend! You're my best friend and I know that you need this money!"

"Trust me, I really don't," Kara waved the envelope in front of Montserrat's face. "What I need is for you to take it."

"I can't do it, I'm sorry."

"Montserrat, stop being stupid. You need it - Gael needs it!"

"Gael needs _me_ to figure it out," snapped Montserrat. "He doesn't need me taking money from other people."

"I'm not 'people', I'm family. And you know what? It's not even the reason you should take the money. You should take it because…" Kara licked her lips nervously, "...because the person who came up with this money really wants to help you." Her voice softened when she added, "He really does."

Of course that earned Kara a puzzled look from Montserrat. "What?" the ginger asked.

Kara sighed. "He's going to kill me," she concluded in a whisper, but she figured if she was killed because she tried helping her best friend it would be a worthy death.

"What the hell?" Montserrat wearily said as she dreaded what Kara was up to.

Kara drew in a deep breath as she shifted to face Montserrat. "Okay, so, that money...I'm not supposed to say, but...it's not mine."

"What, did you steal it?"

"No, Sonny would kill me, first of all. Someone gave me that money-"

"-Kara, please tell me that's not dirty money."

"Oh my God, would you just let me talk!?"

Montserrat pursed her lips together then motioned Kara to go on. "Look, I'm telling you this because I think it's only fair that you recognize the intent. I didn't come up with the money - hell, it's not even _my_ money. Rafael stopped by this afternoon."

"...don't tell me," Montserrat narrowed her eyes on Kara, almost making the latter gulp on the spot.

"He wanted to give you the money himself but he knew you wouldn't take it-"

"-damn right I wouldn't!" Montserrat practically threw the envelope to Kara's face. "How could you accept that money!?"

"Uh, because you _need_ it? And because Rafael was pretty insistent that you take it."

"Rule number 1 when it comes to Rafael: never listen to him!"

"I can see where most of your problems come from."

"It's not funny, Kara!" Montserrat was furious. She jumped from her seat and turned to glare at Kara. "I would never take money from him. So I'm going to give that back to him right now!"

"No you are not!" Kara hugged the envelope to her chest.

"Yes, I am!"

"Give me one good reason why you shouldn't take the money?"

"Because...because…" Montserrat shifted on her feet, the frustration getting to her as she came up with no good answer.

"Aha," Kara tilted her head. "See? You should take the money and use it to get Gael out of that hellhole."

"But I can't!" Montserrat threw her hands in the air. "It doesn't feel right!"

Kara shook her head. "Montserrat, quit being so proud and just accept the help." She patted the open spot next to her and called it a win when Montserrat actually sat down again. "Don't be stupid and please don't be proud. Rafael came with the most honest intentions and he specifically asked me not to say anything. He didn't want you to know that the money was from him."

"Well you sure screwed that up, huh?" Montserrat gently jabbed Kara on her side.

"Yeeeeah. Please keep me safe, he scares me a bit."

Montserrat laughed. "Oh c'mon."

"No, I'm serious! He's nice and all but he's scary," Kara's face only made Montserrat laugh harder. "I don't know how you do it."

"Cos he's not scary," Montserrat sobered slowly despite hearing Kara's continuous accusations of the opposite.

"Alright, so...will you take the money?"

Montserrat looked down at the envelope between them, looking unsure. "I don't...I don't know. I feel like I should just return it."

"Montse, I know I tease you and all but, being serious...he really did look worried and he was just doing what he thought was best. And he asked about you - how you were doing? C'mon," Kara now bumped shoulders with Montserrat. "Don't tell me it doesn't make your heart beat just an itty-bitty-" Kara raised her hand with an index finger just above her thumb to show the amount, "-tiny bit faster?"

Montserrat shook her head but said nothing. She wasn't going to give Kara any reason to actually tease again. "I'm over it. I'm over him. I said that a long time ago-"

"Regardless, before you take that money back...just think about it for a bit. Maybe just...consider it." Kara gave Montserrat a quick side-hug before getting up to leave.

Montserrat brought a hand to her curls as she once again looked down at the envelope. It was so stupid. There laid the solution to one of her problems and she was being too proud to take it. "Goddammit," she sighed and got up from the couch.

~ 0 ~

"Sonny?"

The last thing the detective in question thought he'd see in the D.A's building was his partner who was meant to be taking a leave from SVU. Sonny turned back in the hallway to see Montserrat coming into the building in a rush. She was bundled up in a beige-colored coat.

"Montserrat what are you doing here?" Sonny checked his watch for the time and raised his eyebrows when he realized it was a bit late for her. "It's ten o'clock."

Montserrat shrugged but her pursed lips and a gaze that couldn't seem to look him in the eyes indicated something else was at play. "I just...needed to talk to someone."

"Casey?" Sonny jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

"No, well, no…" Montserrat sighed. She would have to be a little more truthful. "I need to speak with Rafael. Is that where you were headed?"

"Yeah, uh, Liv's got me on a case and…" Sonny got the feeling she wasn't really paying attention to him. Her eyes kept flickering in the direction of Rafael's office. "Montse? Are you okay?"

Montserrat licked her lips and exhaled. "Look, Sonny, can you just give me like...5 minutes with Rafael? And then you can go in and talk about your case."

"O...kay…" Sonny looked her over and noticed she was a bit shifty. "Are you sure you're okay? Did something happen? Is there anything I can do to help you-"

Montserrat raised a hand to stop him talking. "Just give me those 5 minutes I'm asking for and we're good."

"Al-alright, go ahead," Sonny stepped aside and gestured for her to go. She gave him a grateful smile and went on her way.

In his office, Rafael was doing what he normally did each night. On one side he had the usual stack of papers and on the other side, he had the trusty glass of alcohol. He heard a noise - footsteps - outside but before he even thought of looking up, they spoke up.

"You paid my brother's bail money."

Rafael shut his eyes as if hoping this was just a hallucination. Maybe he'd finally had too much to drink. But when he opened his eyes and looked up, he saw Montserrat by the door. "Dammit," he muttered. He put his pen down and stood up. "I honestly thought Kara might manage to keep it a secret," he admitted as he moved around the desk. He had to make a compelling argument _now_ before she killed him. Luckily, this was what he did for a living. "I know you're mad but I know you needed the money. And before you throw it at my face-"

Montserrat rolled her eyes and strode up to hug him, surprising the hell out of him. He was frozen in his spot, arms to his sides as he debated if this was real or not. Montserrat couldn't care less how he reacted or how she should react. She'd thought long and hard about what she'd say or do when she saw him and this was the only thing she felt was right. So, that's why she wrapped her arms around his neck and let that need finally be quenched.

"I'm...very confused here." It pained Rafael to admit it but he just couldn't understand why she was hugging him and not screaming at him.

Montserrat pulled away but never let go of him. "I can't be mad at you. Not when you gave away $5000 from your own pocket."

"...so you're keeping the money?"

"Well, I did think about giving it back to you but...I need to swallow my pride and use it to get Gael out. But I _am_ going to pay you back, every last cent."

Rafael rolled his eyes at her. "Don't worry about that-"

"-but I am because it's the only way I'll truly feel okay with this."

There was no way he was going to get through to her but he didn't want to argue with her. He gave in with a nod and it definitely got a smile from her.

"Thank you _so_ much," she said and hugged him again.

This time, he hugged her back. He held her tight as if she were going to disappear in the next second. He never really noticed how easily she seemed to fit between his arms; like she belonged right there with him.

 _Every time_ , he thought. Every time he had Montserrat that close to him he remembered how much he needed her with him. All those previous thoughts that they couldn't be that close were dismissed, forgotten, pushed away. He couldn't be that careless, not when it came to _her_.

Montserrat pulled away only slightly. She seemed more nervous than before, her eyes even seemed like they were struggling to look up at him. "Hey, um...I know what you said before...I know that we agreed…" she couldn't find the right words to express her feelings, no matter how much she tried. _Screw it_.

She kissed him. And there went his caution... _again_. His arms instinctively tightened around her waist, keeping her firmly pressed against him. She had the sweetest lips - even though they often threw some insults at him - and he wanted nothing more than to kiss her forever.

But he _needed_ to remember what he was trying to do for her. He was only able to regain _some_ type of control when he pulled away. "Montse, we can't," he whispered, but the mere fact he'd said a nickname he hardly every used was proof enough that he wasn't entirely convinced with his words. Because he really wasn't.

"Please don't say that again," she begged. She had her eyes closed and maybe it was for the better. She could feel his nose nuzzling her cheek. "I told myself before deciding to come here that I was over you and everything, but...I'm not. I'm really, really not. And I dare say that you aren't either...right?"

Rafael drew away to look in her shiny brown eyes. He tilted his head slightly, a soft smile spreading across his face. "I never said that I was."

~ 0 ~

Out in the hallway, Sonny stayed behind just like Montserrat had asked him to. He was checking his phone for an update from Liv when he heard footsteps nearing him. He looked up to see a familiar woman coming. It took two seconds flat to recognize Yelina.

 _Oh crap_. For some reason, Sonny didn't want to let her in...or at the very least, he thought she shouldn't go into Rafael's office until Montserrat gave him the 'ok'.

"H-hi!" he practically jumped in front of Yelina without a clue of what he was going to say or do.

"Hello?" she gave him an odd, yet reasonable, look. "Do I know you?"

"Um...I'm...a friend…" Sonny said, pretty much making it up as he went along.

"Not _my_ friend," Yelina was quick to say. "And I'm sorry but I have somewhere I need to get to." She tried moving around but Sonny quickly followed in suit to block her way.

"I'm sorry ma'am but Mr. Barba's a bit busy right now!"

Yelina tilted her head at him. "How do you know I'm here to see Rafael?"

 _You didn't think this through_ , Sonny inwardly sighed.

~ 0 ~

"It's hard, Montserrat but it's the truth. It's better if we don't do anything. I'm not good," Rafael wanted to sound as convincing as possible but he wasn't doing it right. He could've started by letting Montserrat go but his arms seemed to be on another plan.

"You say all these things like you're no good for me or that I may crash down because of you but guess what?" Montserrat's eyes became even more tearful, some of them threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes. "I'm not with you and I'm _still_ crashing. There's no one to help me pick up the pieces."

Rafael's heart broke at her frail voice. She wasn't falling apart, but she certainly wasn't in her best state.

~ 0 ~

"Ah, so you were one of the detectives who helped put my husband on trial," Yelina's face went sour as she finally recognized Sonny. "That's nice, but...I need to go see my friend."

Once more, Sonny took the same step with her. He held his hands up just as she was becoming irritated with him. "I'm really sorry but he's with someone important right now."

Yelina raised an eyebrow at him. She had a sharp look that gave Sonny chills. "Business?" she asked.

"Uuh…not...really." Truth was that Sonny wasn't sure what was the nature of Montserrat's visit but whatever the answer was, he was sure it wouldn't please Yelina.

"Well, business or not Rafael has some explaining to do," Yelina straightened up, expression more fierce than ever. "Thinks he can blow me off without repercussions? I don't think so." She moved around Sonny and threatened him with a glare not to try getting in her way.

"Dammit," the detective muttered with a hand on his forehead. He quickly pulled out his phone but he wasn't sure who to text: Montserrat or Rafael?

~ 0 ~

"Montserrat, I'm only trying to do what's best for you," Rafael insisted but she humorlessly laughed.

"Do I look okay to you? I'm not. And I thought, that maybe - just maybe - we could finally work something out," Montserrat let go of him but she stayed as close to him as they were when they hugged. "I'm tired of pretending, tired of denying things...aren't you?"

Rafael would love to say 'yes' but that would go against the point he was trying to make. "I do care for you. It's just…"

Montserrat gently put her hands on both sides of his face. "No more long speeches, just tell me the truth."

"Truth?"

"The truth about why you don't want to be with me. Because all these speeches just sound...like speeches. Like something you rehearse for your job. I'm not a jury you have to convince. I just want you to be honest here."

"You want honesty? Fine," Rafael sighed. He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't keep lying to himself and much less Montserrat. The truth was right in the fact that she made him lose control with one kiss. He had his thoughts organized when it came to this subject. He had plans to keep himself away from Montserrat, but then she comes right in and makes those thoughts and ideas disappear. There was no point in trying to build plans when it didn't matter in the end. He would just have to face it, face _her_. She got him.

" _Not_ business," they heard from the doorway. Yelina looked a bit...fascinated by what she saw. "Definitely not."

Montserrat withdrew her hands. The expression on her face indicated an expectancy of answers because Yelina's presence made _zero_ sense to her.

"Well, I can assume this is why you rudely left lunch early on Monday."

"Monday…?" Montserrat repeated just before it hit her. "Gael's arraignment." She laid eyes on Rafael again with a growing anger. "You were _late_." He was supposed to be on time, to be there with her when Gael was taken out for arraignment...and he'd almost missed it. Because he was having lunch with _her_.

"Yes, but I…" He really didn't have a good explanation for that one since Yelina basically beat him to it. But she said it all wrong and now he was screwed.

Montserrat exhaled as the weight of regret began hitting her. She stepped away from him. "I get it now."

"I don't think you do," Rafael said, sounding almost afraid of the conclusion she'd come to. He tried reaching for her arm but she yanked it away.

" _There's_ the truth," she spat.

"It's not that, I swear-" he made the mistake of attempting to touch her again.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed and pushed his hands away from her. The humorless laugh that came next did not bode well. "And here I thought…" she laughed again then shook her head. "Forget it. I get it now. _So_ sorry-" she gestured to both Rafael and Yelina, "-I got in the way. You won't have to worry about me again."

"Montserrat," Rafael called but she was storming out before he could even finish her name. There he went again screwing things up.

~ 0 ~

Sonny caught Montserrat coming out into the hallway a sprint, almost running really. "Montse! Hey!" he barely caught her arm but even then she wrestled to get free from his hands. "Montserrat, it's me!"

"I know! Let me go!"

Sonny only did so because he didn't want her yelling in the middle of the hallway. "Montserrat, what's happened?" She was in tears and he could only assume why. "Hey," his voice softened, "It's because of that woman, huh? I'm sorry. I tried to stop her-"

Montserrat laughed through her tears. "Sonny, you are the _least_ person at fault here. This whole thing is just a mess - it was a mess from the start and you know what? I am _so_ tired of it."

"Montse…"

"And I know that I've said this many times before but this time I _really_ mean it: I _hate-_ -" Montserrat's voice truly snapped while she pointed at nothing in particular, "-Rafael so much. I wish I never met him."

"Montserrat, I don't think you mean it-"

"-try me, Dominick," she frantically snapped. Her hands reached behind her neck and in two seconds she had taken off the ballerina necklace Rafael gave her and chucked it at Sonny. With such speed she used, he scrambled to catch it before it would hit his face. "I mean it with every fiber of my being. I hate him!" she turned away and left in a storm.

Sonny sighed deeply. He felt like he should at least drive her home or make sure she got home safely in whatever she came in...but he wasn't stupid to believe that she would let him or anyone else near her right now. So, that just left the other side of the party.

~ 0 ~

"So I guess now I know why you cut lunch short," Yelina made it in three steps before Rafael ordered her to leave.

"You and I are _done_ ," he spat and pointed at the open door.

"I didn't do this," Yelina said what she assumed he was thinking. " _You_ did. You always had a tendency to know better and it always backfired."

"Get out!" he shouted at her. "I don't understand what the hell you wanted from me since the beginning! And frankly, if I was even a little bit curious now I'm not! Because you just cost me the one good thing I had in my life!"

"It didn't look like that to me," Yelina cautiously approached the desk Rafael was retreating behind. "She was already upset before I walked in. I was just the tip of the iceberg."

Rafael rubbed his face in exasperation then slammed them down on the desk. " _What-_ -" his voice had sharpened, "-do you want from me? Just tell me so you can finally leave me the hell alone. What is it? Money? A hand in Alex's trial? A job? Just tell me!"

But to his mighty frustration, Yelina said nothing. She only tilted her head and studied him. His darkened expression, his narrowed eyes, his heavy breathing. He was outright furious, perhaps the most furious she'd ever seen him...and she'd known him for a very long time. "Oh my God, that detective's responsible for this?" she pointed him up and down. "That tiny thing has got you...so wrapped around her finger."

Rafael gripped the edges of his desk because otherwise, he might have actually thrown her out of the office.

With a sigh, Yelina leaned forwards on the desk but the mere action made him straighten away from the desk. "Truthfully, I don't want anything. I didn't mean to cause you harm. In fact...up until last week, I had no intention of seeing you. I thought I had made a fool out of myself plenty the last time we saw each other. I certainly had no intention of causing this...problem with that woman. She seemed nice the last time I met her. Not quite your taste but that's beside the point."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The truth is, Rafael, you need to watch your back...as does that detective." Yelina looked around as if someone were going to eavesdrop on them. "Someone paid me good money to come see you. Don't ask me who, because I don't know. I just got a request with the promise of a decent amount that could help me and my girls get the hell out of this city."

"What do you...what do you mean? Are you joking?"

"No," Yelina shook her head. "Why else do you think I had no answer when you asked me what I wanted from you? I mean, yes, it was nice to see you but...I had no face to ask anything from you. Someone wanted me to come and see you, make sure to cause some problems with you and Detective Novak."

Rafael wanted to call her a liar, but if there was something about her was that she was no liar. And she didn't appear to be one right now. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because...I was not a good person to you, during the investigation and before...I blamed you for many things when the truth was I had a fair share of the fault. You and I...we didn't work. We just didn't. I wanted _more_. But I gambled and lost with Alex and now I have no right to take that chance away from you nor Detective Novak. I'm really sorry. And if you want, I could try to talk with her-"

"-you will stay _away_ from her," Rafael warned, leaving no room for arguments. "I don't want you near Montserrat, do you understand? If everything you just said is true-"

"-it is-"

"-then you need to leave. Leave me alone, leave Montserrat alone and just go. I don't want to see you again."

"That's fair," Yelina nodded her head. "But I am taking the money because I need it. My girls need it."

"Sure," Rafael couldn't care less. He didn't wish her any harm but he certainly didn't care what happened in her life.

"Goodbye Rafael. Take care," she said then turned to leave. Only a few seconds after she was gone, Rafael received a visit from Sonny.

"Goddammit," he muttered. What more could this night throw him?

"Yeah, I know, not a place I expected to be," Sonny sighed. "I just came for the warrants you promised Liv. I didn't expect to be right at the center of all...this…"

"I will send them, get out," Rafael returned to his seat.

"Don't do that."

"I'm not doing anything. I have a lot of work to do so please get out." And maybe a lot of drinking too. Who knew.

Sonny drew in a deep breath, mumbling an 'oh boy' before he started off with what could either be his death sentence or the solution to Rafael's problems. "Listen, I'm not speaking to you as a co-worker, I am going to speak to you as a friend because right now you need one. What the hell are you doing, Rafael?"

Rafael could honestly say that he had no idea. "It wasn't like I planned it," he said as a means of defence.

"No, because that would be incredibly stupid," Sonny's flat tone wasn't appreciated in the least. "Can I just ask, in all seriousness...why?" Rafael gave him a confused look. "Help me understand because as much as we both hate it, the reality is I know everything. Literally. Why make all this trouble if you actually _do_ like Montserrat? I don't get it."

Well it was bad enough Sonny knew everything, but now Rafael would have to explain himself? Again? He rolled his eyes. "I'm not doing this, Carisi. You can go."

"No," the detective flatly refused. "Because each time you screw up more than the last time and you should know that this time...you _royally_ screwed up. Montserrat despises you."

"I didn't plan this - I actually had a _very_ different plan in mind...but Yelina cut me off. She has terrible timing. And now Montserrat hates me."

"Yeah she does."

Rafael paused to glare at Sonny. "Aren't you supposed to be helping here or did I misread the conversation?"

Sonny rolled his eyes. "Alright, alright. Truth is, if Kara told me she hated me I'd lose my mind. I need her just as I'm sure you need Montserrat."

"Let's not go confusing things." This time, Rafael's arguments wouldn't win against the detective.

"I'm not. Because it's not a question of 'want' anymore, you have a 'need'."

"What?"

Sonny took a seat down as he began to explain. "Look, I don't ' _want_ ' to see Kara. I _need_ to see Kara. Every day. I don't want to spend time with her, I _need_ to. It's a need that I can't push away because...because I love Kara. The 'want' fades away fairly quick but the 'need'...that doesn't go away. That's what you have with Montserrat now. You _need_ her."

Rafael didn't like that Sonny actually thought he knew what he wanted - needed. It was ridiculous...was it? _She makes you throw your plans away_ , he reminded himself. _You have no control when she's around._

Sonny watched the internal struggle for a few minutes before he took pity and further explained. "You remember those times where you asked me to find Montserrat? Because you wanted to see her? Well, you didn't want to see her. You _needed_ to see her. You needed to make sure she was okay. And right now, do you want to see Montserrat? Or do you need to go and make sure she's alright?"

Well, the answer was evident, wasn't it?

"And listen, I wasn't going to say anything because it's, well, childish but...you should know that you're not the only one who has eyes on Montserrat."

Now that piece of information was surprising. Rafael tilted his head, for a second almost accusing Sonny.

"Don't get any ideas, councilor. I meant someone else. Uh, Damian." Sonny knew that alone was shocking but it did feel good to finally tell someone the secret that'd been gnawing at his mind.

"What?" frowned Rafael. "He wouldn't-"

"-oh but he would. You know that Kate Spade watch Montserrat proudly wears? Damian got it for her. He knows that's her favorite store. He likes her and if you continue to act like this, you're going to push her straight to him. Is that what you want? Is it really what you want?"

"Well of course not," Rafael found himself blurting. He shifted in his seat after realizing how fast that'd come out. "I already told you that I _did_ plan on telling her. I was seconds away when Yelina made her...presence known."

"Well that's good," Sonny nodded. "Because we have a lot of work to do here." He reached for something in his pocket then put it down on the desk, revealing the ballerina necklace Montserrat had practically thrown at him. "If there's one thing I've figured out about women is that you can't outsmart them. But maybe two of us can and we can get you five minutes with her. Your fast mouth might just save you."

Rafael smiles for the first time. "With any luck."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

There's angst in the air, can you feel it?


	32. One More Time

**1 Month Later.**

"Oh, he's adorable," Montserrat gushed at the baby boy in her arms. The baby, in return, gurgled as if he was trying to agree out loud with her. Montserrat shifted on her chair to switch the baby to her other leg. "Olivia, I can't believe you actually adopted him," she told the sergeant sitting across the desk.

"Not adopted," Olivia corrected as she watched Noah fiddle with his hands. "His name's Noah and for the time being, he's going to live with me." She had explained the situation since Montserrat had been out of SVU for a good while now. She only came back and forth every once in a while and this time, she came to the surprise that Olivia had become a foster mother to the very child she saved almost a year ago.

"He's really cute," Montserrat loved Noah's rosy cheeks. "Definitely livens up the place, huh?"

"Yeah," Olivia chuckled and reached over her desk to toggle with one of Noah's hands. The baby gurgled with a toothless grin.

"So then...Ellie's...dead?" Montserrat lowered her voice as if the child in her arms would understand that his biological mother was dead.

"Yeah," sighed Olivia. "We had her in a safe house but...she left in the night and…we couldn't save her then."

Montserrat hadn't seen the pictures - not that she wanted to - but she assumed they were thoroughly graphic since Ellie had been burned to death along with other terrible things they'd done to her. "Do you have any ideas who might've done it?"

"Well, we assume it was someone from the high up but, for now, Little Tino is taking the fault."

"If he's taking the fault then it means he's scared of whoever actually did it." Montserrat stood up with Noah and gently handed him back to Olivia. "And, speaking out of experience, the person who did it might be the one in charge of the whole operation Ellie was part of." Olivia had no doubt it as well. "I should get going. I'm meeting with Damian and Calhoun again."

"How's your brother doing?" Olivia asked as the two slowly went for the office door.

"Well, he's better in that he's not in jail but...he's on trial now and things aren't as well as we hoped." Montserrat shrugged. "Things aren't adding up, Liv. Damian and Gael swear they did the final evaluations and the thing is...that footage is missing. Like, it's not where it should be."

"What - the company misplaced it?"

"No, the company is actually helping us look for the footage. Not having it makes them look just as bad as Gael."

"Well, I really hope you find what you need," Olivia said. "We really miss you over here. Plus, we're understaffed since Nick's doing cop work in Queens."

"Yeah," Montserrat's smile was a bit tight but Olivia didn't seem to notice. She was genuinely sorry Nick had to go back to being a regular cop for Queens, but at least with that he would eventually be able to come back to SVU as a detective. It would just take a bit of time. He'd gone for a month now without any problems, so...he was doing good.

"Honestly, I can come back if you really need me," Montserrat told Olivia wholeheartedly. She wouldn't want Olivia to go crazy trying to cover all their cases with only 3 detectives. "I'd just like to ask time to go Gael's trials."

"Thanks Montse," Olivia could breathe a bit in relief. She wouldn't call the detective in unless they truly had to, but it was nice to know Montserrat was up for the early return.

After leaving Olivia's office, Montserrat went for her things she left on her desk.

"So, any word on when you'll be back?" Fin asked from his seat. "Not that we're complaining but Carisi's a bit too much to handle."

"Ha, ha," Sonny rolled his eyes.

"Oh c'mon, he's not that bad," Montserrat swung her bag's strap over her shoulder. "Just give him some candy and he'll be good."

"One of these days, your jokes will stop being funny," Sonny frowned.

"But it's not today," Amanda chuckled.

Montserrat smiled at her squad. She missed them terribly. "I gotta go meet with Damian and Calhoun so I'll see you guys around," she wiggled her fingers and turned to leave.

"Hey Montse," Sonny called and easily caught up with her in the hallway. "Listen, I know things might be a little awkward, but…"

Montserrat turned so that she was in front of him, making him bump into her. "Awkward?" she repeated and tilted her head. "Why would things be awkward?"

"You know what I mean," Sonny gave her a meaningful look until she shifted on her feet. "I _was_ there, remember?"

"Sadly," she flatly said. "But you know what? Over it. Done. It's been a month and I'm over it."

"I know you're mad-"

"Oh no, no," she shook her head. "I'm not mad."

"Really?" Sonny knew that tight, sour smile meant Rafael was still in her bad graces.

"Yeah," she shrugged. "Even though he lied and chose to be with some woman who manipulated him, he has all the freedom to do it. I-" she gestured at herself, "-am simply removing myself from the situation because I'm pretty sure if I had him in front of me I might murder him - wait…" she pretended to think about it for a second before saying, "No, I'm _sure_ I would murder him."

Sonny sighed. "Montserrat, if you would just listen to what Rafael has to say then you would see that it's not what it looks like."

Because it wasn't like Rafael hadn't already tried. He'd struggled to get Montserrat to listen to him for just a minute, even more to just stand still but...Montserrat was adamant that the choice had been made. He made it so it was only fair that she make hers...even though her choice was being made out of spite, something Rafael had mistakenly pointed out which brought out a whole new type of argument. (Sonny may or may not have sat Rafael down afterwards to go over everything he'd done wrong).

"Sorry," Montserrat waved Sonny off, "I have better things to do."

"Montserrat-" Sonny called as the woman backtracked towards the elevator.

"Seriously," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "And feel free to mention that murder part. I may be over it, but I hold a wicked grudge. I've been lenient this past month but I'm done now."

"Montse-"

"Maybe this is another reason why we shouldn't be together - I might kill him on the first date," Montserrat shrugged ever-so-casually with her wide, innocent smile.

Oh yeah, she was still furious. It was the quiet type of furious which, generally, turned out to be worse than the loud, screaming fury.

~ 0 ~

"See, this is the only video we have," Damian played the security feed of the final evaluation he and Gael did before the building collapsed.

Montserrat, Gael and Calhoun leaned forwards on the table to see the computer screen.

"But that's not it," Gael pointed with a deep scowl on his face. "That's the very last one - the one after I had checked for everything. It makes me look like I barely did my job."

"Okay, so we have to find that other security feed," Calhoun said. "And in the meantime, I'll be taking that video-" she pointed at the screen, "-as part of the evidence."

"But it's got me showing that I did nothing!" Gael exclaimed. "Why would you want to show people that?"

"Because the label is wrong," Calhoun said sharply. "And that means someone intentionally labeled it wrong."

"So it's part of the bigger evidence," Montserrat said for her brother's sake. "Proves that they were switched intentionally."

"Okay, then we gotta go back to work and find that other video," Gael rose from his seat but both Montserrat and Calhoun brought him back down.

"You cannot go back there until the investigation is over," Calhoun practically snapped so Montserrat went ahead and explained.

"If you go back, the D.A will make it look like you were going to plant something to prove your innocent. It's better if you stay far away from there until we figure things out."

"But what am I supposed to do!?"

"Be with your daughters?" Montserrat very wisely reminded him. "They really need you, especially Juliana."

Gael sighed. He learned of his teenage daughter's 3 day suspension when he first got out on bail and was overly upset with her, though he did understand her behavior sprang from his situation. Now as his trial had begun, he really strove to make sure both his daughters weren't in the fires of the media. "I suppose they do."

"Let us take care of it," Damian said. "I can go back and look for that video."

"If you do, be sure to have another employee with you so they don't claim you planted it," Calhoun warned then pointed a finger at Montserrat. "You're banned from that building as well."

"I know," the ginger woman rolled her eyes. "I'm not new at this, you remember right?"

Calhoun's smile was the definition of a frenemy. "Just do your job detective and I will do mine."

" _This_ is my job right now," Montserrat reminded the woman as the latter prepared to leave the apartment. "So keep me updated at all times."

"I know," Calhoun playfully rolled her eyes. It was truly novelty being on the same side. "See you in court tomorrow."

When she was gone, Gael readied to leave as well. "I'm picking up Ivana and then Juliana early. Maybe we can have lunch or something."

"Honestly, that's the best thing you can do right now," Damian told him. "Just be with your girls. Montserrat and I have this."

"He means I got this since, reminder, being a detective is my job," Montserrat folded her arms over her chest. "It's literally what I do to eat."

"Still, I don't want you guys overexerting yourself on my case," Gael looked between his sister and best friend. "So please get some sleep and just take care of yourselves."

"We're fine Gael," Montserrat smiled at him.

"No you're not," he said too fast for her liking. "You've got something going on and you won't say anything. And don't try denying it."

Montserrat rolled her eyes. She would not be discussing any of these problems with anyone. She hadn't even told Kara about it - though Kara had assumed who Montserrat's problem was before actually hearing the story from Sonny later on - and Montserrat planned to bury that awful moment. Was it healthy? Probably not. Did she care? Nope.

~0~

Damian and Montserrat had stayed in the latter's place going through more of the files Damian took from his job. Being as thorough as possible meant neither noticed the time pass by until Kara and Sonny walked into the apartment.

"You guys are still working?" Kara wasn't surprised at all. For the past week this had been the way she'd find her best friend, not to mention her apartment kept looking like a storage room than an actual apartment.

"Well, my brother's still being accused of murder so…" Montserrat's sarcasm made Kara roll her eyes. "And he's on trial."

"Did you guys find anything useful?" Sonny asked. He hoped the afternoon had been used only for work purposes and nothing else.

"I mean, I guess so?" Damian looked over to Montserrat for confirmation. "I found some papers that Montserrat thinks Calhoun can use."

"It's just the previous signed evaluations indicating Gael did previous evaluations for each stage of construction before the final one," Montserrat explained.

"That's great," Sonny smiled for her. "It's definitely helpful in the case."

"Is it?" Kara smiled almost like him.

"Yeah," the detective nodded his head. "It establishes that Gael did the required evaluations before the building was finished."

"Yeah, except we still don't have that security feed of the final evaluation," Montserrat sighed. She leaned back on her chair and folded her arms. "If we had that, we would end all of this once and for all."

Damian put down his side of papers and moved to Montserrat's side. His hand went on her shoulder as he bent down beside her chair. "Hey, first thing tomorrow I'm gonna go back to work and I'm not gonna leave until I find that video."

Montserrat met his look with a soft smile. She would love nothing more than to finally put an end to this nightmare. "I really wish I could go there too."

"You heard Calhoun. It's best if you don't. I've got an idea, why don't we grab some dinner?"

Sonny scowled. Wow, the guy didn't miss a chance did he?

"Or we could order in?" suggested Kara who walked up to Montserrat's other side.

Sonny then smiled. _That's why I love her_.

"Thanks guys, but I think I'll just head to bed." Montserrat pushed herself up to her feet and offered both Mackies a polite smile. She loved that they tried so hard to cheer her up, but she just wasn't in the mood. Lately, she wasn't in the mood for anything.

"Are you sure?" Kara asked. She shared the same disappointment as her brother.

"Yeah, I'm tired." Montserrat shrugged again. "I'll see you tomorrow. Oh-" she stopped by the doorway and looked directly at Sonny, "-and I may come back a little earlier to SVU. My desk better be cleaned up."

"Oh that's great," Kara was relieved to hear that at least some part of normality would come back to Montserrat's life. "I really hope this can all end. It's taking a toll on Montse and I'm worried about her."

"I'm gonna go to work tomorrow and find that damn video," Damian promised as he went back to the table to clean up the mess of papers.

"Do you have any idea where it could be?" Kara asked. She started helping him put the papers together. "I mean, what guarantee do you have that it's even in there?"

"Because the video disappeared the same day the building crashed and there's been more security ever since. No one could slip out with the video much less not be noticed on camera they're trying to leave with it." Damian neatly stacked the papers on one end of the table then looked up at his sister and Sonny. "I'm gonna find that video if it's the last thing I do. For Gael. For Montserrat." Once everything was set, he bid them goodnight and left.

"If this trial doesn't end soon, I'm afraid both my best friend and my brother are going to lose their minds," Kara sighed once they were alone. She expected more commentary from Sonny, but all she got was a small nod and a distant expression. "Sonny?" she called and because her voice was sharpened, he finally looked at her. "What's the matter with you?"

Sonny shook his head, one hand lightly tapping the top of the chair Montserrat had sat in. "Nothing."

"Do not take me for an idiot, Dominick Carisi. You've been acting strange and even though I know you and Rafael have formed this newfound, closer friendship, it doesn't account for this strange behavior." Kara made a gesture at his current stance and though she walked up to him he seemed to move away. "What are you doing?"

Sonny exhaled and made a gesture towards the hallway, meaning to indicate Montserrat but all that came out of his mouth was a sigh. He didn't mean to do that, but what was he supposed to say? That he was frustrated two of his friends were equally hurting? That his girlfriend's brother was actively trying to win over Montserrat?

His face scrunched. "I should go, Kara. There's work tomorrow, after all."

Kara raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you really going to do this?"

"Do what?" he flashed her a smile but the moment he did she pointed a finger at him.

"Don't you dare use that charming smile on me. Why won't you tell me what you're up to?"

"Because I'm not really up to anything?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I know that's a lie. You think I don't know when Rafael tries to talk with Montserrat? She comes home with a face as red as her hair."

"Sorry, doll, but I'm not up to anything."

"Mhm," Kara pretended to fix the lapels of his jacket by pressing it down. "Listen, I'll believe what you say but...if you do happen to come up with a way my best friend can be happy again, I'll love you a thousand times more."

There was a brief smile on Sonny's face before Kara looked up at him. "I gotta go," he said softly.

"Aha," Kara smiled and leaned on her toes to kiss him. "Go on then. Do nothing. Goodnight."

Sonny had to smile as he left the apartment.

~0~

Each night when Rafael visited Forlinis, it was usually always done to grab some nice dinner that he had no intention of cooking at home. It was usually accompanied by the drinks he just generally loved. But as of late, the entire past month, he came to drown himself in alcohol. And since Forlinis had a wide variety of drinks, he had a vast option list.

"I would hate to think how bad your liver is," Sonny came to take the empty stool beside Rafael. The ADA rolled his eyes. "I'm serious. You always drink but now you're overdoing it, don't you think?"

"I think I should be allowed to drink however much I want to," Rafael raised his glass in the air, showing off the tiny bit of alcohol left. He then drowned it all in two seconds and called for a new one.

Sonny nodded and watched the bartender go get a new drink. He wasn't surprised, least not anymore. It had been a very tough month. "This solves nothing."

Rafael graciously accepted his new drink filled to the brim. "I never said it did. Look it's been a very busy day therefore I deserve to end it however I want to." He pretended to salute with his glass then drank it down.

Sonny knew that was bullshit. He let Rafael finish his glass, once again, before speaking up. "I saw her, if you're interested."

"Mhm, and I saw her yesterday and two days before that…" Rafael pretended to do some calculations of how many times he'd seen Montserrat that always ended with an argument. "Yeah, and none of those times have gone well."

"Well, you just have to keep trying."

Rafael shook his head. Each day the discouragement became more and more evident on his face. And how could he not be? Each time he attempted to talk with Montserrat she would either a) shout at him to leave her alone or b) very calmly, but equally angry, tell him everything was done. _She_ was done.

"I think I have finally expended my attempts," Rafael said. "Montserrat despises me and with good reasons."

"Yeah, but the thing is-" Sonny tilted his head, face scrunching, "-she doesn't really hate you. Hate would imply she's over things which is a clear lie. And you should know that Olivia has asked Montserrat to be on standby in case SVU needs her back earlier."

But Rafael didn't seem so surprised. "Yeah, Liv mentioned it to me earlier in the day."

"And what did you say?"

"Nothing, was I supposed to?"

Sonny once again tilted his head at him, his expression seeming more accusatory than anything.

"What do you want me to do!?" Rafael scowled and looked away. The fact that Sonny may have heard him huff was just another novelty. "I'm not gonna further ruin Montserrat. She wants to come back? That's great. It just means I'm going to have to talk with her about something else." The matter of 'when' was just one of the problems.

"You know I could facilitate that-"

"No," Rafael pointed a finger at the detective, warning him not to even try. Montserrat didn't need to be angry with Sonny as well. Even if he was irritating sometimes, Rafael appreciated Sonny's constant help throughout this horrible month. "You're not going to do anything anymore. Just tell me...how is she doing?"

"... she's alright, in what fits. They're getting new evidence for the trial which, actually, is really good. Damian's taking it upon himself to find that missing a video - the very video that would exonerate Gael from all charges."

Despite not facing Sonny, Rafael could see from the corner of his eye that the detective was waiting for him to say something. "Well I hope he does find it, then. Someone should make her happy."

Sonny rolled his eyes. "We're not doing this - _you_ -" he snatched Rafael's glass right out of his hand, "-are not doing this."

"Doing what!?"

"Wallow in self pity, what else? That's unbecoming of you, not to mention plain weird," Sonny put the glass down on the counter, by his side.

"It's not pity, I'm just tired," Rafael slowly corrected as he glanced at the detective. "You can understand why, right?"

"Yes, I can, _but_ it's not really over. Not yet."

"That's all great, Carisi, but it's over for tonight at least. I'm taking a break, one that I'm sure Montserrat would deeply love." Rafael pulled out a couple bills to cover his drinks then promptly got up from his stool. "So, thanks but...why don't you just go back to Kara or something? Don't want to make her mad too."

~0~

It took a lot of courage for Montserrat to walk into the D.A's building, much more into the office of the person she wasn't quite ready to see yet (not that, that had stopped him from trying to talk to her). She drew in a deep breath before walking - striding - into Rafael's office.

"Morning, we have to talk," she said in a jumbled tone.

Rafael was stunned to see her plopping down into the chair across his desk. "Morning…"

"So Olivia's asked me to come back - officially sometime later this week - and of course I agreed," Montserrat shrugged. Her tone was fast but she couldn't quite look Rafael in the eyes. "I'll only be away to attend my brother's ongoing trial but I'm pretty much back."

"Well, that's great for you. Honestly," Rafael was slow with his words, cautious really. He never expected her to come into his office and much less willingly speak to him without shouting.

"I'm just here so that we can both get on the same page about what happened. I think it goes without saying that I don't want anyone to know. Nothing happened. We're just normal co-workers."

"I understand what you want but I have to say that I'll have some trouble with that…"

"I had trouble with your choices but I made it through," the sourness covering Montserrat's words were out of her control. But if it stung, oh well. "Think you can do the same for me."

"I can certainly try but I have to say it would be a lot easier if you would just allow me 5 minutes to explain-"

"And we're done," Montserrat got up.

Rafael frowned at her and got up as well. "No, we're not."

She matched his frown with one of her own. Equally matched, the irony.

"You realize if you would just give me those five minutes we could end all of this."

"That would mean I would have to give in and I'll be damned if I do that anytime soon."

"Mature."

Montserrat's smile was both endearing and frustrating. "Get a taste of what you'd be in for." She was attractive yet about to kill him.

"You're making yourself miserable, Montserrat," Rafael moved around the desk until he was standing in front of Montserrat.

"No, you did that all on your own," she glared.

"So then let me fix it. Let me explain and if you still hate me afterwards I'll leave you alone for good. Five minutes and if you still don't want to talk to me, then I'll stop trying. You'll have some peace."

Montserrat looked away but there was a slight look of inclination. She might give in…

But it all disappeared when Olivia herself walked into the office. She was, of course, surprised to find Montserrat already there.

"I was waiting for Casey to finish her some paperwork so we could go to the trial together," Montserrat easily supplied the excuse then discreetly threw a look at Rafael to warm him not to say anything. "Thought I'd wait here in the meantime."

"I hope it all goes well," Olivia said, nonethewiser of went went on with those two.

"I'll be back to the precinct afterwards, though," Montserrat promised. "Are there any new cases I should know about?"

"We've got a new girl, Luna, who might tie back to Ellie Porter's death," Olivia looked at Rafael and Montserrat for that piece of news. "But we're going to need some help since Nick is the only one who can help bring closer our two connections."

"Nick?" went both Montserrat and Rafael. They then gave each other looks for their unintended synchrony.

"No wait a minute, I thought Nick was stuck doing deadbeat cop stuff in Queens?" Montserrat asked.

"He's the one who arrested Luna, actually. But we want to use him to get to Luna's pimp and make him think Nick is on his side."

"It could be believable since 1PP did sentence him to a lower status," Rafael considered the opportunities this little gig would bring them in their case.

"That, uh, sounds…" Montserrat scrunched her face, "Honestly, I just sounds like I have a lot of files to read through to catch up."

Olivia sent her a smile. "It's all waiting for you when you get back."

"Goodie," Montserrat chuckled and started on her way out. She didn't bother looking back. Why should she? It wouldn't change a damn thing.

~0~

There were various trials going on in the courthouse. SVU had one going for an earlier case, at the same time Montserrat had her brother's trial.

She painstakingly sat through her brother's trial and silently listened to all the baseless accusations the prosecutor, Geraghty, threw at her brother. My God she hated that woman.

"I hate that I can't find that video," Damian muttered after they walked out of the courtroom.

"We'll find it," Montserrat tried her best to sound as positive as possible, but that missing video was seriously screwing them up.

Calhoun had already told them - _warned_ them - that if they didn't find the missing video, their chances of winning were half and half. Montserrat wanted the full 100%.

From the other end of the hallway, Olivia was leading the way out of their own trial. "Tell me we've got this guy."

"It's basically a done deal," Rafael told her and Sonny. "No matter what he says, he's screwed."

Olivia seemed to believe him. She nodded and motioned Sonny to follow her out.

Of course for some reason Rafael called Carisi back all of a sudden. The detective in question slowly returned after getting the ok from Olivia.

"What is it, councilor?" Sonny asked but for the first few seconds Rafael didn't answer.

He was watching something, or rather someone. He finally understood what Sonny had been trying to tell him all month. There was Montserrat with Damian, talking yet the latter seemed to be unable to keep his hands off the former.

And it made his blood boil.

The worst bit was the fact Montserrat seemed to be taking comfort in Damian's touch. She had that warm, relieved smile on her face and her glossy eyes which could only mean she was close to crying. And about what? Her brother's trial. It had to be going bad.

"Councilor?" Sonny broke through Rafael's concentration. "Did you need something?"

"Yes," Rafael answered in a low mutter. He grabbed Sonny's arm, a bit harder than he intended to. "You know that stuff I said about giving myself and Montserrat a break?"

"Yeah…" Sonny was now giving him a strange look.

"Forget about it. One more time. I'm going to do it one more time and you're going to help me."

"Really?" Sonny's eyebrows raised. He didn't think Rafael would get over it so quickly, but then he noticed what Rafael had been looking at and completely got it. "You're jealous, aren't you?"

"Shut up," Rafael ordered and pointed a finger behind them. "Now listen because you're going to bring Montserrat into the conference room. Got it?"

"Got it. How do I do that?"

Rafael's smile was promising.

~0~

"Look Sonny, I haven't actually caught up on the cases," Montserrat trailed after Sonny down the courthouse hallways. "Actually, I haven't read at all. I'm gonna need a few more days before I actually return to SVU."

"That's okay, Liv just wanted a word with you," Sonny turned the conference room's doorknob and gestured for Montserrat to go in first.

"Well I don't imagine what about considering I'm way behind," the ginger walked in and went around the table only to see Olivia wasn't anywhere inside. "Where's Liv?"

"She's back at the precinct, where else?" Rafael came striding in much like she when she'd visited him the day before.

Montserrat tilted her head, eyes squinting a bit as she thought.

"What are you doing?" Rafael asked her. He expected her to start yelling the moment she realized she'd been tricked. The fact she was quiet was scary. Yes, she actually managed to scare her sometimes. That idea was still troubling to him.

"I'm thinking…" Montserrat answered in an eerie calm voice.

"About how to talk calmly?" Sonny went with the most hopeful reason he could think of.

" _Noooo_ ," Montserrat whispered, still thinking, "I'm thinking that a premeditated murder would get me a longer sentence so I won't think about murdering you - I'll just do it!" And she actually ran, almost charged, for the detective.

"Montserrat, stop!" Rafael moved in front of Sonny as if the woman would actually cause him harm. "This is between you and me so let's finally finish this, alright? One more time and then we're done. I swear!"

Montserrat turned her head slightly, looking him over with a natural suspicion. "Is that a promise?"

"I give you my word."

Montserrat backed away and gestured Sonny to leave. Before the detective actually left, he stopped by Rafael's side and whispered. "You know what you're doing, councilor? She's pretty pissed."

Montserrat walked towards the other end of the room, mentally preparing herself for this awful moment.

"I just need 5 minutes with her, I know it," Rafael sounded pretty convinced which led Sonny to wonder what the ADA had up his sleeve. All Rafael knew was that he almost had Montserrat yesterday if Olivia hadn't interrupted them. That was what gave him hope that it wasn't all over.

"Good luck," Sonny said with all the genuine care he had. He might actually dream tonight about Montserrat charging at him.

When she heard the door close, Montserrat finally pulled her gaze from the mahogany table. "That was a low trick and you know it."

"It was the only thing that would get you here, isn't it?" Rafael countered with the perfect argument. Montserrat folded her arms, lips pressing against each other since she knew he was right.

She absolutely hated that he was always right.

"What do you want from me?" came her quiet question. "Because, frankly, I'm a little confused. You told me to move on and I tried but now you're here trying to unravel what I've been working on so hard. I don't get it…" her voice cracked towards the end.

"That's what I've been trying to explain this past month, Montserrat, but you haven't given me the chance-"

"Don't you dare pin this on me!" she snapped. She stormed up to him with the deepest scowl that could mar her face. "I gave you _ample_ time to speak up, but you always told me the same things. ' _No, we can't.' 'It's unprofessional.' 'We need to stop_ '. It's only now - when I finally realized you had Yelina on the side - that you want to talk with me."

Rafael's hands shot in front of him, curling and uncurling in frustration. "For the last time - there is _nothing_ between Yelina and I!"

Montserrat laughed in his face and turned away from him. "Sure. She's only the reason you were late to my brother's arraignment and you know, Kara pointed out to me that you didn't _have_ to come. I should've just been grateful that you showed up. But that's not true. You made a promise and you blew me off for the woman who tried manipulating you."

"I didn't know she was going to suddenly drop back into my life. And the only reason I accepted to meet with her is because I didn't want her coming into my office - which she clearly did anyways. But I swear to God, all we did was have lunch - well, we danced around with words but that was it."

Montserrat shook her head. She kept her back to him so that could buy some time and get rid of the tears in her eyes. "Why lie about it, then?"

"Because I didn't think it was important?" Rafael flinched with her humorless laugh.

"Didn't think it was important," she repeated.

"It wasn't!" He had enough and grabbed her arm to turn her around, forcing her to finally look at him. " _She_ wasn't important and I just didn't want to bring that up when you already had so much problems. I wanted to help you find the solution, not add to your list."

"How'd that work out for you?" Montserrat looked him dead in the eyes.

Rafael could look her in her glossy eyes and openly admit it. "You're in pain and I'm the reason for it. Worst mistake of my life."

Montserrat's scoff was a low and quiet one, like she was making herself do it. She didn't exactly have anymore words to keep fighting. She was too tired to keep arguing.

"Montserrat, please," he touched her face, immediately freezing her. She watched his hand as it stroked gentle circles over her cheek and then near her jaw. She had to physically stop herself from shuddering. He let her slowly walk her backwards until her back pressed against the edge of the table. "I've messed up several times and I am _so_ sorry. I only wanted to do what was best for you but...I may just be selfish by coming back to you." His hands ran down the sides of her body, sending tingles down her back but she wouldn't push him away.

"I hate you," she whispered, sounding like she was out of breath.

"I know," he whispered back. "But if you give me a chance…" he nuzzled his nose on the side of her face, letting her feel his patterned breath against her cheek, "...I would really like to make you happy. You deserve to be happy."

Montserrat let her eyes fall close. She was so weak for his touch it was honestly ridiculous. _When_ did this happen? When she first started in SVU, she was very sure that she didn't want any of his hands on her because he was outright annoying. Now she never wanted his hands to let her go...and she really wanted him to stop toying with her and move those lips of his onto hers.

Seriously, when did all this happen?

She moved her hands to press against his chest and push him away a bit, though it didn't really seem to do much since they only had minuscule inches between them. "That night...in your office, why was Yelina coming to see you?"

"Montserrat, is that really what you want to keep discussing about?"

"I _need_ to know. She walked in like she owned the place..."

"That's just her personality. She came in because I cut our lunch short. That was it."

"She's someone clearly important to you and I...I'm really tired, Rafael. I don't want to keep arguing, much less fighting with some other woman."

"Yeah, she was important to me...once. But that ended a _very_ long time ago. _You_ are important to me _now_ ," he pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes at the same time she did. "I've laid everything out for you. In conclusion, you basically own me." Montserrat couldn't help but chuckle and hearing her laughter gave Rafael new hope that things were turning out good.

"Bring in your job why don't you," Montserrat opened her eyes.

"It's bound to happen at some point," Rafael did the same and opened his eyes. "You'd find out if we, uh..."

Montserrat's breath hitched when he purposely came closer to let his lips hover over hers. All Montserrat could smell right now was him and his cologne and that alone was enthralling. Her hands gripped the lapels of his blazer and the little bit that she tilted her head up brought them to the point that they were one move away from a kiss. "I want to kill you," she said flatly, though a small smile spread across her face in the next minute. "But I think I might just be saying that more often now." She rolled her eyes when he smirked not-so-subtly. "And wipe that smirk off your face."

" _Make me_ ," he challenged.

She'd save the snap for his smugness for another day. She kissed him like she'd been wanting to for such a long time. It was a hungry kiss that let all their initial feelings and tension out of the cages they'd worked so hard to keep shut. Rafael could finally throw that caution away and would never have to think about it again (or maybe just a tiny bit for later who knew). He wrapped his arms around Montserrat's waist and hoisted her up on the table. There was a slight laugh murmuring against his lips but his rough kiss silenced her. But with seconds passing he came to realize that Montserrat had her own tricks and ways because no matter how much he tried to be in control, she was pulling the strings. And the right ones too. She had him following her lips in whatever way she moved them. Her hand had found a way to tug his neatly-kept hair at the right moments that would inadvertently make him kiss harder each time, and once she figured it out she took good advantage of it.

Eventually, they parted to catch their breaths but Montserrat showed her widest smirk possible. She passed her tongue over her teeth, almost inviting him to come back. She passed her hands over his chest, letting them drift under his blazer until they found his suspenders and she was able to pull him right up to her.

"You've surprised me, detective," Rafael murmured, still breathless.

Montserrat arched an eyebrow at him. "Really? Well...just in case you were thinking about going back to...that woman." He rolled his eyes at her. "I _dare_ you to forget me after that kiss...and the ones to come."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

And it's happened. Finally! Am I right? Let's see what happens now...

 **For the reviews:**

 **Professor Severus Tobias Snape:** To be fair I never liked her. I thought she was way too manipulative (just like a certain someone else thought so too).

 **TwoHeartedMarauder:** Aww, well thanks for doing the jump around! I know there's probably a huge difference from whichever DW fic you were reading so thanks for sticking around!


	33. Secret Detectives

"Hey, where's your brother?" Montserrat startled Kara just as the woman was about to put on lipstick. Instead of going on her lips, like a normal person would do, it went over her cheek.

"Montse!" the blonde huffed and threw Montserrat a glare for her imprudence, not that the detective noticed.

"What?"

Kara gestured at her red-stained face. "I have a lunch date with Sonny!"

"Oh please," the detective snorted and looked away. "He's in too deep to notice any flaws in you."

"While that is both lovely and stress-relieving, I still like looking nice," Kara got up from her vanity desk's chair and went in search for a makeup removal wipe around the room.

"Okay but seriously, have you got any news on Damian? He texted me this morning saying that he might have found a clue of where that missing security feed video went but he hasn't texted me anything else."

"So why would he text _me_?" huffed Kara again. She'd found her makeup removal wipes and had returned to the vanity desk. She leaned close to the mirror in order to strategically remove only the lipstick smudge and not her entire makeup.

"Because I'm desperate and hopeful, what else?"

Kara mockingly glared through the mirror.

"So?" the detective went on like nothing. "Did he happen to text you?"

"No," sighed Kara. "And if he does, I will call you straightaway. I promise."

"Thanks," Montserrat said and moved to leave only to stop by the doorway to look back. "And why are you putting on so much make up anyways? You're going to be stuffing your face with food."

"Get out!" Kara pointed, making Montserrat laughed. She could hear Montserrat's laughter even as the woman left, but Kara secretly decided she would much rather have this version of her best friend than the totally depressed version she had not too long ago. She wasn't sure what it was that changed - since Gael was still on trial - but Kara was thankful that something did change.

~ 0 ~

The last thing Rafael expected to see in his office in the middle of the day was Montserrat comfortably sitting at his desk, in _his_ chair. "What...are you doing…?" he closed the door behind him, not that it would matter since Carmen had the day off. He'd be in trials all day today.

"I own your office now," Montserrat waved him off as most of her focus was on her laptop in front of her.

"No, I'm pretty sure you don't," Rafael countered as he walked up to his desk, but even him putting his briefcase down with a loud thud wasn't enough to startle Montserrat out of his chair.

"I seem to recall that yesterday you said I owned you _so_ -" she looked up with a big smile on her face, a sarcastic one at that, "-I own the office now too. So could you please…" she made a gesture for him to actually leave the office.

"I did not say you owned me, I said..." Rafael cleared his throat when he remembered the moment he uttered _similar_ words to the ones Montserrat was saying. It involved a lot of kissing in which he might have lost some of his lucidity. "I said: ' _You might have me wrapped around your finger._ ' Emphasis on the ' _might'_."

Montserrat still smirked at him, quite proudly too. "It's amazing what I can get you to say when these-" she tapped her finger over her lips, "-are at work."

Rafael didn't know whether to laugh or snap. He'd been in more puzzled states this week alone than he had been over any case he ever handled. But he liked it. A lot. "Get out of my chair," he instructed, though smiling now, "And stop being so sarcastic. I have a short lunch break today."

"I know, those cases Olivia has me reading to catch up are terrible," Montserrat leaned back on his chair. "I'm swamped in files and when I'm not doing that I'm tailing after Damian and going to my brother's trials. So, you want to try again and tell me to get up from this comfortable chair?"

Rafael rolled his eyes. "No, I guess not."

Montserrat smugly smiled at him. "I wouldn't have been able to get away with this-" she rubbed her hands over the chair's arm-rest, "-if I wasn't kissing you every so often now, huh?" Not too long ago he was snapping at her to stop sitting over his desk.

Rafael decided to skip her moment of high ego. His break was truly short. "You're extra smug today - is there a new development in your brother's trial?" he moved around the desk and tapped the top of her laptop.

"Sort of," she straightened up in the chair. "Damian said this morning that he may have gotten a clue of where the missing security camera video went, but he hasn't updated me. I want to go down there and find it myself already. It's agonizing waiting."

"You do that and you ruin your brother. Is that what you want?"

"...no."

"Then what do you think you should do?"

"...wait," Montserrat answered in a low mutter.

"There you go. Now get out of my chair."

Montserrat rolled her eyes but this time she listened and stood up. "Is there something I should know about that chair, or…?"

"Yes, it's my chair. And...it's my chair," he said dead serious, thinking it was a fairly good reason.

She shut her laptop down and switched spots with him so he could finally take his seat. "While I'm here, I just have to ask something really quick. And I wouldn't ask because...I know this-" she gestured between herself and him, "-is brand new. Like 3 days new, but…"

"You could get on with it before lunch is over, you know."

Her expression went flat. "I have to make sure we're on the same page, okay? Kara's noticed I'm a bit more…" her left hand went in circles while she came up with the right word, "...happier?"

Rafael's expression immediately turned into a smug smile. "Really?"

"Shut up," Montserrat pointed at him. She didn't want that smug look to stay on his face forever, because she was sure he could do that.

"I didn't say anything-"

"-but your face says it all. But being really serious here, I didn't tell her anything."

"Montserrat, I never told you to keep it a secret-"

"-I know, I know," She folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the desk. "I would just like to know...where exactly we stand."

"You mean telling people or not?"

"Aha."

"That depends solely on you," Rafael rose from his chair, giving her a small smile. He was fairly amused by her sudden nervousness. "I have no problem letting anyone know to stay away from you- I mean that we're together."

Montserrat shot him a look. But even if she wanted to pretend to be annoyed at the comment, she couldn't because she felt the same way towards him. She didn't want anyone else going near him.

 _But then again…_

"Well," she pushed herself away from the desk and stepped closer to him, "I kind of like this right now. No one really knows except for Sonny but he's an easy one to keep quiet."

"You mean because you'll scare him to death?"

"Yes," she grinned then leaned on him with her hands on his chest. "I really like how you think."

"Really? Because that's not what you used to say," he curled his hands over hers. "In fact, it was just one of the many things you used to hate about me. Like my attitude…"

"Still hate that, actually."

"And my voice…"

"Only _just_ getting past it, really."

"And my mouth…"

"Still hate that," Montserrat wiggled one of her hands from his to tap one finger over his lips. "I really hate it, to be honest."

"Oh, you still do?" Rafael gingerly pulled her finger off his lips and wrapped his hand over hers entirely. Now he could truly relish in her warmth and her softness — these 3 days, though casual so far, had made him feel the best he'd ever been in such a long time.

"I still do," Montserrat tried pulling her hand from his but he had a tight grip on it.

"I guess I still have some work to do, then," Rafael brought her hand to his lips for a soft kiss.

"Work hard then," Montserrat chuckled. She watched as he wrapped one arm around her waist while his other hand freely went up and down her side. She actually hated that he had this effect on her when he wasn't really doing anything except touching her. What irritated her more was that she had yet to find something that gave _him_ the same feeling. Yes, he did clearly enjoy their time together these past days but Montserrat felt like there could be _more_ feelings than what he expressed.

In layman's terms, she felt like she needed to figure out what made him tick. That way, she could drive him crazy...like he drove her crazy.

Just as they shared one kiss, Montserrat's cellphone started buzzing in her pocket. "Sorry," she pulled the phone out and saw it was a text. "Gael's case. Damian thinks he might have found the place where the video's hidden. I have to run."

"Uh, is it...is it just going to be you and him?" Rafael really hoped that question didn't sound as awkward as he thought it did. He fully blamed Sonny for putting that idea into his head, but then he remembered what he saw in the courthouse 3 days ago and…

Sonny may have been right.

And he may have been jealous.

Montserrat still didn't have a clue about it, so she just nodded and casually answered the question with a 'yeah'. "Casey's meeting us afterwards."

"Ah."

Montserrat stuffed her laptop into her bag then noticed his unusual quietness. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rafael went to take his seat again, but even that movement was unusually shifty.

Montserrat's eyebrows wrinkled together. She put her laptop down on the desk and looked at him again. "Are we...good?"

"Of course we are," he smiled softly at her. It was convincing straight away.

"O...kay," she nodded slowly. "So then, we've agreed to keep things...quiet?"

"Do you want to?"

"...kind of? I mean, I don't want to keep it a secret forever it's just...you know that whole blissful bubble thing that most people look down upon?"

"Sort of?"

"I really like the bubble," Montserrat tucked a curl behind her ear, pursing her lips together. "It's just nice and...free? Does that make sense?"

Rafael nodded, close to chuckling. "It does, surprisingly. I agree. At least for the time being, it might be better if we just keep things between us."

"Exactly," Montserrat strung her bag's strap over her shoulder. "Well, you know, except for Sonny but...we might just kill him to keep the secret."

"Exactly," Rafael pointed at her, making her laugh.

"You're supposed to warn me that this is the wrong place to say something like that and especially not to say it in front of you, a D.A?"

"Right," Rafael looked away as he pretended to remember that rule he himself told her a long time ago. But in the end, he shook his head. "I might be giving you some special treatments."

"As you should," Montserrat pointed. She moved to his side, leaning down only to press a kiss to his lips. "I'll see you later?"

"Please," he said, making it sound like a beg more than a response. That was a novelty for him too.

Montserrat smiled at him. "I'll call you later, then." She looked at him for a few seconds before surprising him with a second kiss.

Her hand curled on the back of his neck as she finished the kiss. Now Rafael didn't quite like surprises, but he definitely liked _her_ surprises. He realized that very quickly.

"I really have to go," Montserrat said as soon as she pulled away and forced her hands away from him. If they touched him again, she wouldn't be able to leave anytime soon. "See you."

Rafael watched her leave in a hasty pace and despite having this idiot smile on his face, once he remembered who she was going to meet up with...it faltered. "Goddammit," he muttered.

~ 0 ~

Damian had explained to Montserrat very quickly what he'd found. And what he thought he had found, was pretty damn convincing. It had Montserrat pacing back and forth in her apartment's living room.

"You think it's in that storage room?" Montserrat asked for the third time since Damian had finished telling her the story.

"I think so," Damian nodded fast. "I was rewatching the security feed from that day and I noticed there was a janitor that I hadn't really...noticed before." He scrunched his face after realizing that was a terrible way to describe it. "See, I know everyone who works with me, from the top to bottom. I've never seen that janitor before."

"You think he doesn't really work there?"

"I think he wasn't even a janitor," Damian clarified where his thoughts were going. "Because he only appears in the day before the building fell apart. He doesn't even appear the day Gael made the last evaluation, even when he turns in the paperwork. He's just not there."

"I gotta find that guy," scowled Montserrat.

"Yes but let's focus on the main thing right now."

"You're right," Montserrat stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the coffee table, an act that would always have Kara on her back. "If we find that video and show them the one you found with that janitor who's not really a janitor...we can end this trial."

"Exactly," nodded Damian. "I'll just go head back after lunch and do that."

"But we can't let that person know you're onto them. You'll need someone else to look for it."

"It's fine. He's not there anymore. He was literally only there for one day, maybe two days max."

"Just because he's not there doesn't mean he doesn't have eyes or ears on us," Montserrat wagged a finger. "I can go in. Hardly ever seen me before in that place."

"Oh no, you can't do that. You heard what Calhoun said. If Geraghty finds out you were anywhere near there, she'll make it look like you planted the evidence."

"But I can't just stay away! I need to be there when we get that video."

"How's about a compromise, then?" Damian leaned forwards on the couch. "I'm the one who has to go in, but you can wait outside. And I mean some place where you won't get caught by a camera because we _really_ can't mess this up for Gael. Not when we're this close."

Montserrat exhaled and nodded her head. He had the right mindset. She couldn't ruin this for her brother, especially when it just because _she_ wanted to go in. It didn't matter who went in as long as someone came out with the damn video. "Okay, it sounds good. But I have to say I don't like the idea of you going in alone."

Damian smiled at her. "Worried about me?"

"Always," she said. "You're family and we always watch our back. _Sme malí, ale mocní,_ " she offered him another smile.

"I have no idea what you just said but it sounded good," Damian pointed at her.

"We are small but mighty," Montserrat translated the Slovakian phrase. "We're a small family but we are strong as hell."

"Okay, so how do you want to play this?"

Montserrat thought about it long and hard. She didn't want to risk losing Gael his case but she wanted someone she could fully trust to go in with Damian in case he got hurt. "I got it," she declared and rose from the table with a newfound grin on her face. "You can go in, but I'll be sending in my own help."

Damian looked at her wearily. He knew her idea face all too well, but sometimes they didn't end like she planned. "Who'd you have in mind?"

~ 0 ~

"Just go in, go directly to that room and then get out," Montserrat walked between Damian and a friend of hers. Said friend may have been from 1PP but she wasn't a detective yet, so…

Fair game?

Montserrat preferred not to think about it.

"Okay and while I do that I'm guessing your friend…" Damian looked over Montserrat's head to the slightly taller woman — an olive-skinned woman with shoulder length black hair, "...keeps a look out for me?"

"Yes," Montserrat nodded and glanced at the friend in question. "Andra's been training and she's an officer now, so…"

"You want me to keep him safe, got it," the woman nodded her head. She didn't understand much of what was going on but she did want to help Montserrat. "Officer Andra Moressy," she then told Damian. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Damian said, feeling more than reasonably awkward.

Montserrat stopped a few blocks before they reached Damian's job. "Okay, this is as far as I can go." She turned to the two. "You guys good? I'll be out here and if anything goes wrong just call me and I'll go, no matter what."

Damian put a hand over her shoulder, giving her one of those smiles telling her everything would be fine. "We got it, Montse. You didn't need to bring another friend, though. I can do this on my own."

"I just feel a lot better if someone else was with you," Montserrat smiled back, though not as strong as his was. She looked at Andra and sighed. "Sorry for springing this on you, I just couldn't think of anyone else that could go in without problems."

Andra waved a hand, indicating it was just fine. "Always good to have some practice, right? But can I ask...who exactly are we supposed to be looking out for?"

"Um…" Montserrat slowly slid her hands into her coat's pocket. "Some guy who pretended to be a janitor. He helped frame my brother and even though Damian says he hasn't shown up...I don't want to take chances. But if you see him, shoot for a leg because I was that bastard alive so I can ask — _demand_ answers."

Andra wouldn't even point out how fast Montserrat's face had hardened. She got it. This was personal. "Okay." She looked at Damian with the same question he had. "You ready?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "Let's go."

Andra nodded again and started the way. Damian only lingered behind to give Montserrat a hug and remind her to stay away.

Now Montserrat knew this could be hours of waiting and the worst part was that she couldn't even call Damian to know how things were going. She'd busied herself at a small coffee shop, though she hadn't even drank what she ordered. At around five, late five, Montserrat got a text from Rafael. He was asking if she was alright.

She remembered she'd promised to stop by again later or call him. She picked up her phone to call, but then after thinking about it she put her phone back down. She couldn't involve him in this, not when it had the potential to harm his career and job altogether. It was exactly what he'd warned her months ago when he reasoned with her that they couldn't be together. She didn't want to prove him right.

After a few minutes of thinking again, she grabbed her phone off the table and responded with a quick text.

 _I'm so sorry, something came up._

Montserrat felt terrible lying but if she told him the truth he could try and stop her. But she definitely wasn't into the idea of lying so early in a relationship. _I mean, every relationship has a little white lies but they definitely shouldn't have a big lie like this one_. She sighed inwardly.

Two hours passed and Montserrat still didn't have a word from Damian. In that span of 2 hours, she did receive a couple more texts. One was from Rafael again asking if she was okay, to which Montserrat answered yet another short response 'yup' and moved on.

She might pay for that one later.

The second text was from Casey, asking where the hell she was because Calhoun was driving her crazy.

And the third text was from Olivia, requesting Montserrat read up on the latest case that had apparently turned into a staged night raid.

Out of those three, Montserrat felt like she could at least respond to Casey because that was the one that would get her into the least amount of trouble. And if it did get her into trouble, at least Casey would know what to do.

And in doing that, Casey came storming into the coffee shop 30 minutes later. "Montserrat Irene Novak, I cannot believe you are doing this!"

Montserrat straightened in her chair and, maturely, pouted. "Well, I didn't tell you so you could come and scold me."

"Someone has to!" Casey plopped down into the empty chair across her. She lowered her voice for the next time she spoke up. "Do you realize that you can lose your job by doing this? Not to mention lose your brother's case all together?"

"I'm being careful," Montserrat said quietly.

"Careful!?" Casey's eyes were wide with incredulity. "You're putting yourself in the wolf's den! If someone from Geraghty's team finds out that you arranged this, Montserrat _I_ don't even know what the hell is going to happen to you."

"I don't care," Montserrat said bluntly and before Casey could scold her again, she explained, "I don't mean that as in 'I'm careless and I'm doing what I want' thing. I mean that as in someone framed my brother for a double murder and I can't let that go. Not when I have the means to prove that he's innocent and that he's been framed."

Casey sighed. "Montse, this is beyond dangerous. And do you even have proof of what you're saying?"

"It's the only logical reason for all of this," Montserrat made a gesture. "Gael is not careless in his job. He says he checked everything in final evaluation and I believe him. He would never let anyone get hurt us because he chose not to do his usual routine. Someone had to have framed him for this."

"But why? Why would someone do that?"

"I don't know," shrugged Montserrat. "But if we find the guy who did it, we can sure as hell ask them."

For a long moment, Casey stared at her cousin. Like Damian, she recognized Montserrat's idea face and feared the results. This wasn't an ordinary idea, nor an ordinary situation. It was a huge risk she was taking.

"Alright, fine," Casey sighed. "I guess we can wait here."

"Casey, you don't have to. I know it's putting my job on the line, you don't need to risk yours."

"But I do. Because my cousin is an idiot," Casey smiled so casually while Montserrat rolled her eyes. "So, might as well order a coffee. How long have you been here?"

"I'm going for nearly 3 hours now."

"Long wait," Casey understood then picked up a menu. Like Montserrat, she ended up ordering a vanilla latte. "So, how's life?"

Montserrat couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously?"

"Well, it's a long wait! I don't want to spend it in awkward silence."

Montserrat had to laugh one more time.

"Seriously. You do seem a bit chipper than usual, especially since your brother's facing trial for murder."

Montserrat no longer laughed but there was a secretive smile that Casey recognized fairly fast. "I'm good."

"You're hiding something," Casey pointed a wagging finger at her cousin. "What is it?"

"Something good, don't worry about it."

"Now I'm worrying. What are you hiding, Montse?"

"I said-" Montserrat leaned forwards on the table, "-don't worry about it. You'll know later in the future."

Casey narrowed her eyes on her cousin. But, before she could respond, Montserrat gasped at something behind her.

"Damian!" she practically scrambled to get out of her seat.

Damian and Andra had come rushing in, like they'd been running all the way there.

"Thought I might find you in here," Damian pointed at the chalkboard sign announcing Vanilla Lattes were half off. "You love those things."

Montserrat rolled her eyes and moved onto better things. "Did you get it!?"

"I found it! I found the missing video!"

"Seriously!?" Montserrat's entire face lit up like a series of fireworks. That was the best thing she'd heard as of late, with the exception of one other thing but that was for her and Rafael to know.

"Yeah. It was hidden through the old files that needed to be archived which - honestly - was a pretty good hiding spot considering no one wants that job!"

"So you've got it!?"

"Aha!"

Montserrat laughed in utter joy. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "The charges are going to be dropped!"

"Yup!"

"That's great," Casey got up from her chair, smiling like they were but she seemed more level headed than the pair. "So we should get that evidence logged in for trial tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Montserrat pulled away with a newfound scowl on her face.

"It's past five and by the time they actually get the charges dropped, it'll be way too late for tonight."

That put a real dampener in Montserrat's mood. She drew away from Damian and turned to her cousin. "But we need to get those charges dropped now."

"I get it, Montse, but we can't really…" Casey trailed off once she began to see Montserrat's impatient face. Even if she did spend 5 minutes lecturing about the rules and process, Montserrat wouldn't be listening to her at all. "Oh fine, let's go."

And just like that, the smile and beam was back on Montserrat's face. "That's more like it!"

Together, they sought out Calhoun to loop her in but as soon as she heard the news, she had a good go at Montserrat for her 'wrecklessness'. Montserrat couldn't say that she listened, nor that she cared. Of course it was Calhoun who put some sense into all of them as she started going off with the actual process to get the charges dropped. However, Calhoun was a fool if she believed Montserrat would leave her alone. Between the night before and the next morning, she had all of them working to put the evidence together so that first come tomorrow Gael would be a free man. If Calhoun had to say it…

"You are the most irritating woman I have ever met," she spat as she walked alongside Montserrat down a hallway. "And don't forget I've handled your squad's petty cases. And Rafael Barba altogether."

"Yeah, it's not the first time I hear that," Montserrat had her biggest smile that morning. "And I've learned to live with it."

Calhoun came to a stop outside an office door then turned to face the slightly smaller detective. She was used to handling all of the SVU detectives but it turned out Montserrat had enough to be the entire squad. "Can you keep yourself calm while I go in there—" Calhoun pointed at the closed doors behind her, "—and do my thing? Is that possible?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes. She might have been bouncing on her feet but she could definitely sit still for a few minutes while the two lawyers spoke with the judge on the trial. "Yes, of course. Just tell me that it's finally going to be over now."

"Yes, I showed Geraghty the last of the evidence and we've gotten the judge to listen to us before the trial is supposed to go on. So just, stay here and don't do anything."

Montserrat barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. Calhoun was speaking to her as if she were a child. Instead of responding to that, Montserrat only gestured for Calhoun to go inside already. As Montserrat waited, she saw her family, along with Damian and Kara, coming towards her.

"Hey, where's Calhoun?" Casey immediately started looking around for the woman.

"She's already inside," Montserrat pointed to the shut office doors behind her.

"Do I need to…?" Gael's pointed finger at the doors was shakey, as expected.

"No," she smiled at him. "You just stay out here and wait for Calhoun to give you the good news."

"I still cannot believe you disobeyed Miss Calhoun's instructions," their father still had the same scolding look on his face as he had when Montserrat first told him the previous day.

"It's done, Dad," Montserrat waved him off.

"And if we hand't done it, then we wouldn't be here right now," Damian added.

"Dad's still right, you guys risked yourselves too much," Gael shook his head, but soon Casey was shushing them.

Geraghty was coming up to them, looking none too pleased. "Morning." Even her greeting was sour.

"Geraghty," Casey flatout smirked at the woman. She kept her word that she would enjoy the moment Geraghty was forced to drop the charges.

Geraghty ignored her and the others as she walked into the office.

"She seems lovely," Kara remarked in a low mutter.

"She's a bitch," Casey turned to the group with no sense of regret of her vocabulary.

The meeting between the two lawyers and the judge lasted only fifteen minutes and when the lawyers emerged, the group could clearly see who won and who lost.

"You're free of all charges, Gael," Calhoun declared with a wide, proud smile. For a moment, it matched Casey's face.

Gael erupted into laughter, along with the others. They hugged and hugged until they heard Geraghty's scoff.

"Oh just admit, you lost," Casey told the woman. "I did tell you that this case wasn't going to last."

"That's great and all, but I do want to remind you people that someone made that building crumble. People still died."

"Yeah and we'll let Homicide take that over," Montserrat reassured but she definitely was beginning to see why Casey didn't appreciate the woman. "But you have to admit that you had the wrong guy. You put my brother through hell — his daughters too."

"What do you want from me? An apology?" scoffed Geraghty. "I was just doing my job."

"No, you were doing _my_ job which I will happily take back now," Casey waved a goodbye. "I actually catch put the right person on trial."

Geraghty rolled her eyes.

"I hope you do," Gael spoke up for the first time. Geraghty still laid harsh eyes on the man but he didn't care. "Because that guy — whoever they are — planned this. They wanted to hurt people and threw me under the bus. You need to catch them."

"Like your sister said—" Geraghty made a lazy gesture at Montserrat, "—I'll let Homicide take over." She strode off without saying another word.

"Seriously, she seems lovely," Kara turned to Montserrat with a flat face. She was so glad that she didn't have to work anywhere near these types of people.

"I don't care, I just know that I'm finally free of any charges," Gael smiled so widely it could crack his face in two. "Miss Calhoun, I am _very_ thankful for what you did."

"Yeah, now I can't really hate you," Montserrat dramatically sighed, making Calhoun roll her eyes.

"I'll remember that next time when we meet," Calhoun pointed.

Montserrat couldn't help but smile. "Thank you," she said, genuinely meaning to thank the woman for everything she'd done for them.

It was a strange sight for Calhoun but she gave a nod of her head and went on her way.

"Okay, now we can celebrate right?" Damian's expression was slowly turning into a smile.

"Yes, absolutely yes!" Gael nodded.

"I know a place," Kara raised a finger in the air. "If you guys are interested…"

"Please, lead the way," Gael gestured for her, making the others laugh with him.

Kara suggested they mainly go to a bar since drinking is all they wanted to do. Sure, they might have a meal here or there, but they mainly wanted those celebratory drinks.

However, Montserrat couldn't exactly celebrate all the way. She was into her third drink when she saw a couple at the counter sitting together. And suddenly she remembered she'd practically blown off Rafael's texts from the previous night. In all her excitement, she'd completely forgotten anything and everything that didn't have to do with her brother.

 _I am a terrible, terrible person_ , she lowered her drink to the table.

"What's up with you?" Kara was the one to notice how incredibly pale Montserrat had become all of a sudden. "You're white as a sheet."

"I just...I just remembered I…" Montserrat bit her lower lip and thought how to best word her problem without giving it away. She'd never really kept a relationship away from her best friend, and right now she really wanted to tell Kara.

"Montse?" Kara asked again. She looked over to her brother, Gael and Thomas. They'd gone up to the counter for a quicker service. Casey had left for the restroom. "Should we call it a night already?"

"No, no, absolutely not," Montserrat shook her head.

"Then what's wrong?" Kara's smile was encouraging but when she saw how much Montserrat was struggling, it began to fade. "Are you okay?"

"I'm...seeing someone," as Montserrat had said those words, she realized what it meant.

Kara, for her part, blinked for the first second or so. "Come again?"

"I'm...I just...started a relationship and I've already messed up," Montserrat pushed her glass away, as if that was the root of her problem. "Seriously, a 3 day thing and I've already blown him off."

Kara was trying to understand the fact at some point her best friend had initiated a relationship and she completely missed it! She put a hand on Montserrat's arm and forced the ginger to look at her. "You're going to have to explain this cos I'm not understanding it."

At this point, Montserrat figured she might as well say it. If Rafael was to be mad at her, it should be grand. Ignoring the logic of her reasoning, Montserrat rambled, "Three days ago Rafael and I pretty much said 'let's go for it's and he texted me yesterday 2 times asking me if I was going to stop by his office because I told him I would stop by and of course, since I was busy waiting for Damian to get the missing videos, I responded with a very short message saying something came up. And then he texted me again later in the night and I completely forgot to answer and now he hasn't texted me at all. Or called." Montserrat drew in a deep breath after everything was out. "How much trouble do you think that'll be?"

Kara shook her head. She was still trying to catch up. "Wait a minute!"

"Kara, please file all this under 'freak about later' and just help me right _now_. I'm nervous!"

"Just go, you idiot," Kara made a 'shoo' motion with her hand. "Don't think about any text or any calls. You messed up now you go and see him. Like face to face."

"I'm a little afraid…"

"I'd be too if that's who I chose to be with-"

"Hey!"

"You know I'm kidding," Kara waved her off. "But seriously, we'll talk later. You need to go."

"You think Gael's going to be upset if I leave?"

"Umm…"

Montserrat followed Kara's gaze back to the counter where she saw her brother happily drinking with Damian and their father. It almost looked like they forgot they were even there. "Okay, that's my cue."

"Good luck," Kara held two thumbs up. "You'll need it. How is he when he gets mad? Like properly mad."

"I don't know," Montserrat stopped to really think about the question. Sure, she'd seen Rafael get upset over a case or even with her but...a proper anger? That one was still unknown to her.

"How do you not know? You've pissed him off countless times - frankly, I'm surprised how this even worked in the end."

Montserrat rolled her eyes at the sarcasm. "Thanks, Kara. You're such a great help."

Kara smiled. "You bet I am."

Montserrat grabbed her things and left before it became even more late.

~0~

When Rafael heard the light knock on the office door, he expected it to be Carmen, or at least Olivia with some new turnout on their latest case. But, when he looked up from his papers, he found Montserrat nervously standing under the doorway.

"You're mad and you have every right to be," she stepped inside.

Rafael put down the glass of scotch he'd been nursing while undergoing the terrible load of work at the coffee table. "I'm not mad," he clarified.

"Yeah, you are," Montserrat walked over and plopped down next to him on the couch. "I mean, you should be…totally blew you off yesterday."

"I'm not mad," Rafael insisted, now even smiling a bit out of amusement. "I'm annoyed, yes, but I'm not mad."

Montserrat searched his face for any indication of the opposite, but that damn smile didn't appear angry in the least. "... you're not?" he shook his head. "But...you didn't text anymore, nor call."

"Look Montserrat, I'm not the type of person to blow up someone's phone because they didn't answer my calls or texts. I will probably never be that guy, actually."

"Still, regardless, I'm very sorry. Something _did_ come up-"

"-I know. Your brother's charges have been dropped."

Montserrat blinked in genuine surprise. "What? How did you know?" She hadn't even told anyone from SVU yet.

Rafael loved her reaction. It was hard not to laugh. "I got a call from Calhoun earlier in the day saying I owed her big time. Apparently, you are - and these are her words, not mine - truly the most annoying woman she has ever met. Congratulations, I didn't think it was possible to irritate that woman more than I do."

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes, though there was a hint of relief that things weren't as bad as she thought they'd been.

"I'm really happy your brother is free, though. Although I'm wondering how it was that he got free…" Rafael tilted his head at her, eyes carefully reading her shifty movements. "Calhoun mentioned you found the video…"

"Um, well, technically Damian found it. I waited outside."

Skipping over the fact she'd spent her entire day with Damian, Rafael wondered to what extent Montserrat involved herself in something as serious as interference. "You were told to stay away from their job."

"I was told many things," Montserrat pressed her hands to the hemline of her dress, acting as casual as possible.

Rafael shook his head at her. "I don't think I need to point out the big risk you took, right?"

"No," she shifted on the couch to face him, "I know. But you also know that I was getting desperate. When Damian told me he had an idea of where the video was, I had to do it. If there was a chance to prove that my brother was framed, I was going to take it."

Rafael stared long and hard at her before nodding in agreement. "Yeah you were." Because if he was in her shoes, he'd probably do the same thing.

Montserrat smiled in relief. At least she wouldn't be getting the same lecture from him too. Her brother, father and Casey all drilled her earlier. "And that's why I like you," she declared with the context of her thoughts backing her up. She got up only to sit again but on his lap this time, draping one arm around his neck. For a moment, it seemed like Rafael was frozen but Montserrat soon realized he had a lingering stare on her legs.

"Oooh, I think I finally found what makes you tick," she said with a growing smirk on her face.

Once Rafael knew he'd been caught he rolled his eyes in an attempt to be casual. "Don't start."

"Oh, but I will," she grinned as she crossed her legs. "I know to wear more dresses now."

"It's not funny," he insisted but the fact he kept looking away from her made it all the more amusing.

"I'm going to jot this day down as the day I got you flustered."

Rafael exhaled and concluded this was probably how their relationship was going to work. No matter, he'd figure out a way to get her back. Right now though, he admitted that having her sit on his lap was mesmerizing. He could smell her perfume, her sweet scent drifting towards him and, no doubt, setting on his clothes and skin.

"I almost forgot, I didn't know if you liked brownies but I did stop by my favorite place for some if you want a taste," Montserrat languidly pointed at her bag sitting at the corner on the couch.

"I do have a sweet tooth, actually," Rafael's admission had her nearly laughing. "I'm being very serious here."

"You just don't look like the type," she shrugged. "You want to dig in, then?"

"Sure...after I finish this," he had leaned forwards — making her do the same in the process — and reached for his glass on the table. As he was sitting back, Montserrat surprised him with a kiss on the cheek.

At his expression, she chuckled. "What's that face for?"

Rafael awkwardly cleared his throat. "What face?"

"The one you've been making each time I do something to you. Are you — are you not okay with me…?" she moved to get up but Rafael quickly pulled her back. "Okay, that's a 'no' so…" Montserrat tilted her head and studied him for a minute before realizing something. "When's the last time you've dated?"

"Are you saying I'm inexperienced?"

"Oh no I don't doubt that you _are_ experienced. I'm just asking if it's been a while since you've last dated. And if the answer is 'yes' then I am more than prepared to remind you of the goodness that comes with dating." She leaned her body closer to his with the smuggest yet sweetest smile on her face. Rafael didn't think that was possible. "So, has it been a while?"

"...maybe." Now Rafael had to fight the urge not to roll his eyes at her growing smirk. She made it real hard not to want to bicker with her, but — if he was being honest — he preferred this way. If she wasn't who she was, the way she was, things would be so incredibly boring.

And Montserrat was far from being 'boring'.

"I'm not so shocked," Montserrat swiftly took the glass in his hand. She ignored his expression while she drank it down. He'd only been holding it so she might as well finish it for him.

"My profession doesn't exactly give the best time for dating. I've had a few dates here and there but nothing serious. I think my last serious relationship was back in college with Yelina."

Montserrat scrunched her face at the mention of that woman. "Nope, please don't talk about her with me. I don't like her." She put the now-empty glass on the table then looked back at him with an expression that left no room to even consider if she was joking or not.

"I should really tell you that she talked to me afterwards, explaining that she didn't mean any trouble…" but Rafael trailed off as Montserrat shook her head.

"I'm sorry, I just don't like her. And it's not even because of what happened but...it's because of what she did to you before, with Alex's trial. I don't like anyone — I _won't_ like anyone — who tries to hurt you. That's final."

The smile that spread across Rafael's face was automatic. It'd been a long time since someone cared that much for him. He touched her face, feeling her soft, warm skin. He let his fingers wander down to the back of her neck to bring her in for a kiss. Montserrat quickly wrapped her other arm around his neck and gladly pressed her chest to his while they kissed. A couple seconds later, her muffled laughter filled the air as she'd felt Rafael's hand press over one of her legs and seemed to slowly be making its way up.

"So much for being subtle," she said after pulling away. They both needed to catch some air. Rafael wouldn't apologize for that one, not when she was smiling like that. "So, you want to start on those brownies?"

"Sure," he agreed and reached for the forgotten bag. He handed it to her and watched her eagerly pull it open to find those brownies she loved so much. "You know, maybe we can go out to dinner this week."

Montserrat paused just as she'd found the brownies. "Dinner? Like…a date? Our first date?"

"Yeah," Rafael nodded. "I hadn't asked because I knew it wouldn't be right while your brother was going through a trial but since he's good now...let me take you out for dinner. Maybe this weekend?"

Montserrat beamed. "Yes, of course! I would love to have dinner with you."

"Perfect," he matched her smile with his own.

"Just one more thing. I may have told Kara about us — sorry!"

"Wait, what—"

She pulled him back for another kiss.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

And that wraps up this trial mess, but it won't be the last time it's mentioned. It's part of a bigger arc that will take some time! ;). But anywaaaaays, I love writing fluff for these two. Even if its small fluff moments!

P. S: As always, I have a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's a place where anyone can comment about a story or even just talk to me! I often drop aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "noble-crescent" and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.

 **For the reviews:**

 **Sully Daze** : Thanks! I hope you liked this chapter as well! :)

 **mykk47** : You know, you're not the first person to share the sentiment about Montserrat & Damian. I'm curious as to what it is about them that brings out the shippy feelings. Care to share? ^.^ It's truly nice to hear that OCs - especially the secondary ones - are as loved as the primary ones so really: thank youu! And as for Calhoun, she has the best frenemy relationship with the SVU squad and Rafael. If anybody was going to take the case for Montserrat, it HAD to be here.

 **Emily01111** : Thank youu! I've updated so I hope you liked it!


	34. The Perfect Team

Montserrat had laid out several outfits that she could potentially see herself wearing for her date tonight. She knew she was probably over-doing it, maybe being too dramatic but she really wanted the night to be perfect. It took far too long to get here and she didn't want to ruin it. Though Kara had repeatedly told her that Rafael wold not cancel because of what she chose to wear.

Montserrat stomped down the hallway until she came into the living room where Kara and Sonny were trying to watch some television. They were really trying but the ginger detective was very adamant that none of her previous clothes were good enough.

"What about this one?" she gestured to the baby blue laced dress she was wearing. It was a sleeveless with a deep v-neck and flared only slightly above her knees. "Good enough? Not good enough - is it too slutty!?" she asked in a moment of fear as she looked herself over.

"Not slutty enough," Kara remarked and leaned back on the couch. "Seriously, you can do _so_ much better."

Montserrat's face was in full panic. "But that's not what I'm going for!" she stomped back into the hallway.

"Do you take pleasure in torturing her?" Sonny asked with genuine curiosity.

"I'm not torturing her," Kara said, though there was a betraying smile on her face as she reached for some popcorn on the coffee table.

"Really?" Sonny tilted his head at her. "You've made her change 3 times. What are you intending on doing?"

"Nothing," Kara sighed and called for Montserrat in a loud yell.

The detective came stomping out again, her face almost as red as her hair. "I can't find anything! This dress-"

"-is just fine," Kara finished for her and got up from the couch. She pressed her hands over Montserrat's shoulders, ridding the dress of its folds. " _Chill_. The dress is gorgeous and just enough slutty but not too much - the perfect combination."

"I really wasn't going for anything in that department, not this time," Montserrat shifted in her spot. "I just...I would just like for things to go well tonight."

"And it will," Kara promised her. "You look gorgeous-" she snapped her fingers at Sonny, startling the man into dropping his popcorn, "Tell her she looks gorgeous."

"You look gorgeous - we need more popcorn!" he said with a frown.

Montserrat rolled her eyes at him. "Thanks. And…thanks, Kara, for dealing with my crazy ass right now."

"No problem," Kara said with a sneaky smile. "I'm just glad it's only for a couple more minutes and then Rafael gets to deal with your crazy ass from here on out. What a happy ending."

Montserrat's face fell flat. "I really hate you."

Kara grinned. "Go get your coat now."

Montserrat may have cursed something under her breath on her way back into the hallway, but Kara had no idea because it'd been in Slovak.

When Kara turned around, she found Sonny giving her that reprimanding look again. "I'm not torturing her!" she exclaimed but ended up smiling a few seconds later. "But it is kind of funny."

Just as Montserrat was returning, there was a knock on the door. Without so much a glance at Kara or Sonny, Montserrat pointed a finger at them while she made her way to the door. "Don't you even dare get up from that spot!"

"I didn't even do anything," Sonny frowned.

"Yeah, but I'm not taking any chances. You're all Kara-upped!"

"What does that even mean!?"

"It means keep your mouth shut," Montserrat promptly instructed then opened the door and stepped out, nearly bumping into Rafael in the process.

"Uuh, I'm not in a rush…" the man said in confusion since she had practically rushed out of her apartment.

"No, no, trust me, you don't want to go in there," she told him but still left him confused.

"Are you sure?"

"Look, right now both Kara and Sonny are in there. Do you really feel like talking to either of them tonight?"

Rafael stared at her for a minute before deciding she was absolutely right. "Huh, I think I might like you even more for that." She completely understood him.

Montserrat smirked. "Thought you would agree with me. Fair warning, that's what you should probably do from here on out."

"In your dreams," Rafael was quick to say. Letting someone win an argument was something he was just incapable of doing. He looked her over and found himself smiling before he knew it. He'd never seen her so dressed up, apart from her birthday. "You look…" he couldn't finish his sentence in one go because he had to look at her all over again.

Montserrat blushed almost as red as her hair, and speaking of her hair…

"I-I'm a little disappointed in my hair though. Ever since it was chopped off by dear Kara, I can't really do anything with it."

But Rafael didn't seem to think like her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her up to him. "You look beautiful, _hermosa_." He raised her hand in his and kissed its back.

Montserrat felt like the air had just left her lungs in one go. "Thanks. You are looking good yourself. Maybe we do belong together." She hardly saw him out of his work clothes but she concluded she liked both styles. There were no suspenders tonight but she admired his olive green collared shirt under his black blazer. "I'm curious to see what the rest of your closet looks like."

Rafael rolled his eyes at her but there was a distinct satisfaction knowing she liked his clothes.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat had no idea where they were going to have dinner and after a while of walking and small talk, she couldn't take it the secrecy. "Can I please know where we're going now?"

"You mean you haven't figured it out?" Rafael side-glanced her with a smug smile on his face.

She rolled her eyes but had to shake her head. No, she hadn't figured it out and it was killing her. "You don't have to be so smug, you know. That's going to get you points deducted."

"I didn't know there was a score being kept…"

"There is and you're already failing."

"Alright," Rafael stopped walking and pointed a finger at a building a few stores down. "You recognize that place?"

Montserrat followed his gaze and saw the Italian restaurant near the end of the block. "I...guess so? Didn't we have lunch there at one point?"

"Yes, and it happened to be the first time we had lunch together. It was the first time...we spent time together... alone." He still remembered how odd he felt that day when Montserrat's lunch plans with Casey had been cancelled due to some unforeseen ADA work. She'd already been having a bad day at work with a particular fallout with Sonny and now she would be eating on her own. For some reason, he couldn't let her do that...so he took her out to the Italian restaurant.

The smile that spread across Montserrat's face was instantaneous. "I didn't know you were sentimental type. I didn't even remember that!"

"I have a good memory," Rafael wanted to be casual but Montserrat saw straight through him.

"No," she kissed his cheek and watched him shift. "You put thought into it and it was a pretty damn good idea. Points have been returned."

Rafael knew the points were just a game she probably invented in the last two minutes, but there was a part of him that was glad to hear his "points had been returned". He was more nervous than he should be but once he looked at the woman beside him he remembered why.

When they finally arrived at the restaurant, Montserrat immediately started to remember the first time she visited the place.

"What are you thinking about?" Rafael pulled her from her thoughts. They had been taken to a table but she'd been looking distant all of a sudden.

"I just remembered that the first time we were here I was angry with Sonny and Kara," Montserrat added a moment after taking her seat, "And nearly you in the end."

"Story of my life," Rafael shot her a smirk, making her roll her eyes. "If you think about it, a good part of our lunches together ended up with some type of bickering."

Montserrat nodded in agreement, almost laughing once she made a mental calculation of how many lunches those included. "Right. My bad. Actually…" she tilted her head slightly as she thought to see of that bickering and ultimately shook her head, "No, no I'm not...because I was right most of the time."

"No, you weren't," Rafael didn't hesitate to correct.

Montserrat would have expected him to just take the fault as a proper date should entail, but she laughed to herself. That would _never_ be Rafael. It'd honestly worry her if he ever lied and say he was wrong. "Let's just look at the menu before we start another round," she decided and gestured to their menus on the table.

"Fine," Rafael picked up his menu and added, in a low mumble, "But you weren't right."

Montserrat looked over her menu with narrowed eyes. She hated - absolutely hated - that her lips wanted to turn into an automatic smile because she was actually really irritated. _You're giving in_ , she realized and accepted it.

"Sorry to say there's no barbecue options," Rafael said after the two had ordered, though he didn't look very apologetic.

"What can you expect from an Italian place, right?" Montserrat picked up her glass that had been filled with red wine for the moment, one that Rafael had recommended, unsurprisingly. "But not to worry, we can leave that for the next date."

"You're already thinking about the next date?"

"I was under the impression that you were completely enamored with me."

Rafael rolled his eyes at her. "You're going to dangle that moment over my head forever, aren't you?"

Montserrat raised her glass as if she were toasting then nodded. "Along with the belt. But-" she started quickly just as he'd opened his mouth to retort, "-for now I do like this chosen place. I haven't had Italian in a while."

"Not even with Carisi being at your place 24/7?"

"Mm," Montserrat's face scrunched. "I prefer to have my dinner in my room. Plus, his food doesn't taste the same as the restaurant food. He says it's because his is authentic."

"I have to give him that, though."

"Yeah, I guess so. I actually had an Italian boyfriend in high school and his food was better than what the restaurants made. Although, he kept trying to give me this weird sauce thing that ultimately was the reason I broke up with him."

Rafael seemed to be at a cross between wanting to laugh at such a ridiculous reason or wanting to ask more about said sauce. "I guess I should mind my own plates, then."

Montserrat paused her drinking and gave him a look that seemed to be of disbelief. "You cook? Like, you actually cook?"

"I am not a helpless man, Montserrat. I know how to cook."

"Okay," she leaned on the table with what could only be described as a mischievous glint in her eyes, "I'm going to file that under 'definitely want that to be a date at some point'."

Rafael really stared at her for a full minute before uttering the question that'd been running through his mind in that moment, "How am I attracted to you?"

Montserrat smirked. "Just say 'yes' and tell me what else you do when you're not in the office."

"What?"

"Oh c'mon, I don't really know what you do outside work - who you _are_ when you're not ADA Barba. Who are you?"

She posed a good question. Rafael supposed he didn't really know who she was when she wasn't Detective Novak. "What do you want to know?"

"Let's start with our families. I have my dad and my brother, my two nieces and Casey. They're all here."

"Is that it, though? Or are there any other Novaks I should dread about?"

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes at him. "Casey's mother is dead and her dad's back in Slovakia, along with the rest of our family. I haven't really talked to them in a long time, much less see them."

"What about your mother's side?" Rafael thought to ask once he realized she'd only been discussing her father's side. But the moment he asked, her face fell. He almost regretted doing it.

She cleared her throat and had half a mind telling him her mother was off limits...but she didn't want to do that. She didn't need to do that anymore. He was here, he was with her, he _wanted_ to be with her. Maybe it was okay to start releasing those longtime secrets, even if it was little by little.

"I don't know," she confessed quietly. Her hand reached to fiddle with her wine glass' handle. "Regina left when I was four and my Dad always said that none of her family lived near us. I don't know, maybe they do but...I don't really know where they are...who they are. But I'm okay with the family that I have," she added as a last thought, especially when she saw the guilt that had set across Rafael's face. " _Naša rodina môže byť malá, ale sme mocní_."

Rafael was initially surprised at the foreign language but it passed within two seconds and he ended up fascinated. She sounded beautiful even if he had no idea what she'd just said.

"Our family may be small, but we are mighty," Montserrat said a minute later, quietly and perhaps a bit shy too.

"I like that." As soon as Rafael said that, Montserrat laughed out of sheer embarrassment. "I mean it. That's...poetic."

"I guess so. But now it's your turn. What's your family like?"

"Uh, typical," he shrugged, but Montserrat's face indicated that brief explanation wouldn't do. "Alright fine. I have my mother and my grandmother."

That seemed to please Montserrat judging by the smile on her face. "There we go. God, I didn't know I'd have to go full on detective on you."

"That look was it?"

"Oh no, that was a preview - you crack very easy."

Rafael rolled his eyes. "I'm not used to it," he admitted.

"I'll guide you then," her hand reached across the table for his hand. "Your mom, what does she do?"

"Uh, charter school principal."

"Really? You know my Dad used to teach back in his day," she chuckled. "History teacher. Now he's in the district. Maybe they've crossed paths and never realized it."

"I doubt it. My mother's in the Bronx, so is my grandmother. I didn't know your father worked for the schools, though."

"Uh, didn't come up I guess. But see? Something new about us."

"I guess so," Rafael gripped her hand. He truly did love her smile.

A short moment later, they received their individual dishes.

"This is so delicious!" Montserrat exclaimed after taking her first fork-bite of pasta.

"And not a scent of barbecue in the vicinity," Rafael was proud to say after reaching for his glass.

Montserrat pointed her fork at him. "You're going to have to change that attitude."

Rafael chuckled. "I can't."

"You know I also broke up with a guy because he hated barbecue. Something to think about."

"What if I break up with you over your unique interests, then?"

She almost laughed at him. "Oh please, you're not dumping this," she gestured to herself. "I dare you to forget me."

"Impossible," the word just tumbled from Rafael's mouth. Montserrat wanted to continue with her nonchalant attitude but his admission made her blush more than she would've thought. "And I wouldn't want to anyways."

"You really do have a talent with your words. How were you still single?"

Rafael's expression indicated many things. First, that he wasn't all too surprised with his relationship life. Two, that it wasn't good. And three, that she probably shouldn't ask.

"C'mon, I bet you had to have dated a couple people before me...and Yelina, I guess. You did mention that before."

"I...guess? Maybe? I don't know. I wasn't very popular in high school. It was a Catholic school, so...not a lot of time too."

"Ooh, you're a Catholic boy," Montserrat's eyes glinted with mischief. She leaned forwards, propping an elbow on the table. "I've heard a lot of things about those kind of boys. I went to a private all-girls school."

"And I've heard a lot about _those_ types of girls," he countered with the same look on his face. "So we might actually be evenly matched."

"We'll see how that pans out in the future."

"I look forward to that," he said with all the honesty in the world. She paused just as she was about to take another bite, and shared a smile with him.

The rest of their dinner went by peacefully. Between quick banters and actual conversations about each other, neither realized at what point they'd finished eating. Their equal like for wine kept them at the table for at least another hour after finishing eating.

"I feel like I might already be a little buzzed," Montserrat confessed as they headed out of the restaurant. "How are you so...not?"

"Years of practice," Rafael said with a proud smirk.

"Mm, not sure that's something you want to brag about," she warned.

She didn't see him roll his eyes ahead of her. All she knew was that as soon as she stepped out of the restaurant, the grip on her arm yanked her forwards to meet a pair of lips. She gladly accepted the surprise kiss and tried to keep up with him. He'd caught her too off guard!

When Rafael let her go, she immediately breathed in. "What was that for?"

"I just...realized I could do that." Even as he answered, it still seemed like he was just making that realization. He genuinely could do that from now on, _kiss_ her. He could surprise her with more kisses later on or now...any time.

"Well...feel free to confirm that anytime you want," she bit her lower lip and looked out to the street while her blush faded from her face. "Where did you want to go next?"

"Anywhere you want to go," Rafael said easily. "Your choice."

Montserrat thought for a few seconds. "Oh, how about the waterfront? I love going there."

"Then let's go," Rafael offered his arm for her. She beamed and curled her arm around his. They then headed for her favorite spot.

As they waited at one of the pedestrian stops, Montserrat noticed a pastry shop on the other block. It didn't take much for Rafael to notice where her attention was.

"You want to go in?" he asked but she shook her head.

"Nah, I'm too full anyways. But maybe next time we could. I hardly ever turn down a vanilla latte."

"Seriously?" his face scrunched, almost sounding disappointed. "That's not coffee. That's sugar."

The pedestrian light turned green for them to go.

Montserrat snorted and pulled him on the road. "Sorry not all of us like the hardcore black roast you seem to pour down your throat."

"You would too if you worked with the people I do."

" _I_ work with you!" she stopped just as they'd stepped onto the new street and looked at him with an offended frown.

"Oh right," he blinked in realization. "Well, maybe now you can tone it down a bit."

Montserrat had to look somewhere else before she smacked him. She was a bit irritated but there was a pesky smile worming across her face. "How about I just shove black coffee down your throat instead? Can't be too annoying if you're all chalked up on caffeine, right?"

Rafael somewhat expected that type of answer. He still chuckled like it'd surprised him. "Alright then."

"But seriously," she began again once they continued to walk, "you should probably try to cut down on that coffee. And don't even get me started on your alcohol in-take."

"One date and you're already trying to change me."

Montserrat rolled his eyes at his sarcasm. "Just watching out for you. Don't need you dying on me because you've overloaded your circuits. Does your mother even know how much you drink?"

"I prefer to keep the nature of my job out of her ears. She doesn't need to know about it."

Montserrat nodded. "Yeah, I get that. You're a good son, then."

"Mm, I try to be," Rafael said as if there was something else that went along with that line, but he didn't seem very inclined to explain.

Montserrat filed that under 'talk about later' for the moment. "Well, I think you're a good person in general," she leaned her head against his arm.

Rafael felt strange hearing her genuine remark about him. She _believed_ it without even knowing everything about him. It was incredibly strange but at the same time, seeing her content face, it warmed his heart.

~ 0 ~

By the time the pair reached the waterfront, they were back to their informative conversations about each other.

"I've only been to Cuba once or twice when I was younger. Haven't been there in the longest," Rafael was saying. He brought Montserrat to the nearest empty bench and let her to sit down first.

Montserrat crossed one leg over the other and watched him sit next to her. "I always hear that it has such pretty tourist sites."

"Well, maybe one day we can go," Rafael's heartfelt look made Montserrat feel actual butterflies in her stomach. That was the second time he said that and this time Montserrat was sure he fully meant it. Just thinking about a trip together like that turned her face red. She felt like a school girl but she honestly couldn't care less.

"If we go there, we have to go to Slovakia," she found her voice a minute later, but even then her mouth was a bit dry.

Rafael nodded with a smile. "Have _you_ ever been?"

"I do have double nationality, remember?" she nudged his side. "My Dad says I was almost born there. If they hadn't decided to move before my mother's pregnancy finished, I would've been born there."

"So wait, does that mean your brother was born there?"

"Aha. But it was easy for him to get double nationality here too." Montserrat leaned back on the bench and looked out to the water ahead of them. "I haven't been to Slovakia in years, though. It's so beautiful there too."

"And you speak Slovak as well?"

" _Áno_ ," she answered in the language. "And you speak Spanish?

" _Sí_ ," he nodded.

She laughed and leaned on him. "I'm going to enjoy hearing that."

"What?" he looked at her, fairly amused with her reaction.

"Your voice...in Spanish. It just sounds different," she let her chin rest on the edge of his shoulder.

"Montserrat," he tilted his head at her, nearly rolling his eyes if her look wasn't so alluring. And who knows, if she thought that about him then who's to say he couldn't use it to his advantage? She'd already found out he loved putting his hands on her legs and was definitely going to be using that against him, so...he should have his own weapon.

There were a few minutes of silence that passed by and in that moment they watched the small waves of the waterfront.

"So...I have to ask," Montserrat really hoped she wouldn't kill the mood with her question, but it was a question that they really - seriously - needed to discuss. "If we're going to continue this, at what point do we have to disclose?"

"Uh…" Rafael took in a breath as he considered their best option, but she took his silence as product of her imprudent question.

"I-I probably shouldn't have asked…" she began to straighten in her seat but the fear that she'd really ruined the moment got to her so she got up altogether.

"No, it's a fair question," Rafael stood up with her. "And we've talked about it before, somewhat but...I guess we should really consider it if we're serious."

"I'm serious," Montserrat quickly nodded. "I'm very, very serious - well, you know, the appropriate seriousness that I should be about this. Not-not the-"

Rafael pulled her up to him for a kiss. He may have found another thing to use against her. She forgot all about explaining what she meant and instead wrapped her arms around his neck to deepen their kiss.

When they pulled apart, they let their foreheads rest against one another. Rafael brought one of his hands to stroke Montserrat's cheek.

"How about we stick to the plan we made about the others not knowing until a bit later?" he asked her. "We're not keeping it a secret - I don't intend to keep _you_ a secret - but maybe…"

Montserrat smiled and gave him a short kiss. "I get it. And I agree. But you realize we'll have to be careful around the others when we're at work? We haven't really done that yet since I've been catching up on cases from home."

"Yeah, but...I'm sure we can handle it. We should just make sure neither your friend Kara nor Carisi say something."

"They won't be saying anything, trust me," Montserrat leaned on him and added, "And if they do, I'll kill them. You'll back me up, right?"

"Throw the case right away," Rafael nodded, making her smile.

"Perfect team," she chuckled.

Rafael was giving Montserrat an endearing look that made her blush straightaway. He stroked tender circles over her cheek. "We are," he agreed in a whisper. He was just so sorry it'd taken him so long to figure it out.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

I loved writing this chapter because it was pure fluff and banter, the best type!

 **P. S:** As always, I have a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's a place where anyone can comment about a story or even just talk to me! I often drop aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "noble-crescent" and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.


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